


My Blood

by EternalSinner



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: AU where Byleth didn't appear, Angst, But they don't know that because they never heard of that word, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Power Dynamic, Rhea never got so far with crest experimentation, Two confused women help each other through the complicated parts of their personalities., slightly kinky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 270,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24261508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSinner/pseuds/EternalSinner
Summary: AU where Byleth never happens.After a fierce war between the Adrestian Empire and the Church the Mad Emperor is defeated and imprisoned, her execution inevitable. An incident between the two of them leaves Rhea confused and she finds herself curious to Edelgard's past, the reason why she became what she is today, and also what information she holds to go after Rhea's own enemies. As Rhea makes her way deeper and deeper into the answers she's looking for, Edelgard helps her find herself instead.And slowly Rhea finds herself drawn to the mad Emperor in a way that seems to elude the both of them, as thoughts and feelings which both of them had been suppressing and denying themselves for all their lives bubble to the surfaces in ways neither of them thought possible.With a stubborn Edelgard hellbent on creating as much hubris and chaos before her public execution, this will prove to be a difficult few weeks for the very tired Archbishop.ORTry not to get attached to the person who will be executed by your hands sooner or later.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Rhea
Comments: 277
Kudos: 466





	1. Of what is to come.

The younger woman took it in stride, Rhea had to begrudgingly admit to herself. Her capture had been a messy affair to say the least, with the fallen Emperor fighting a clearly lost battle with such a self-destructive, unyielding determination that even Rhea had been in awe of how much pain and injury the human girl could withstand and just keep on _going._ It was only because in the end she had been all that was left, her forces decimated, her allies dead, her monstrous form destroyed, when she had finally gotten overwhelmed and only because of Rhea's own sheer numbers of soldiers.

If Rhea had to describe how the mad Emperor had looked in her last free moments on the battlefield it would have been controlled yet _feral._

As someone who had been in many battles herself she felt she had gained enough experience to tell the crude need for survival and destruction apart from the elegance and beauty which death could bring.

And Edelgard, in all her mad yet graceful fury, definitely belonged to the latter category.

* * *

There was little of that furious strength left now however. The now former Emperor had been subdued, her weapons taken and magically weakened to the point she had to be half-dragged through the lower floors into the old and dark dungeons underneath Garreg Mach.

Still, she somehow managed to look determined, fierce and deceptively strong even. Her face was placid and neutral, her posture as dignified as she could muster while being unable to properly walk on her own feet, and no sounds other than the occasional pained gasp escaped from her lips. Even when everything was taken from her the girl still had that _damnable_ and disgusting pride.

Rhea had to suppress a scowl as she briskly followed her guards dragging the mad Emperor towards their destination. She would have to come up with a way to sweep the illusion of pride from under her feet before soon.

The inevitable public execution would be a lot less effective on her loyal subjects if Edelgard managed to be proud until her final moments. Surely she’d find a way to ruin things for the Archbishop and Rhea needed the support of the public. Prisoners which were condemned to death could choose their own final emotion, sure, even their own last words. Disgust, hatred, madness, guilt, desperation and even relief were all appropriate emotions. But not _pride._ At least not in Edelgard's case. Not after what she had done. 

Annoyed beyond reason, Rhea digs her nails hard into the wrist of her other arm, quickly forcing herself back to a more composed posture when she feels the sharp sting of pain.

It had been a long time since she had felt this kind of barely controllable hatred for another being. In fact the last time she recalled being this angry was when Edelgard revealed herself as the Flame Emperor and had openly declared war against the Church all those years ago. The memory alone almost drove Rhea into rage again.

Yet her self-restrain was strong, and her believe in the Church doctrine and law unwavering. She would _not_ take it upon herself to punish the young woman for her crimes and for all that she put Rhea and everyone through, despite her deep desire for revenge.

No, Edelgard would be punished by nothing but the law. There was an odd satisfaction that it would be the very laws the woman had tried so hard to destroy that would ensure her own death.

Rhea hoped it disgusted the girl.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at their destination. The prison cells, Rhea doubts this was any surprise for Edelgard. Although when they stopped in front of one of the heavy doors, she noticed a new sense of apprehension cross over the younger woman’s features.

 _Good_ , she thinks bitterly. Maybe some time alone in the prison cell would rid the girl of her false pride all by itself. Goddess knows she could use the lesson in humility.

“Just take her inside,” Rhea says tiredly, her hand dismissively gesturing at the door.

One of the guards unlocks the door and the other three ushered the girl inside. When Rhea follows a moment later, she immediately notices the ongoing scuffle.

Edelgard, who had been following along obediently until now, was struggling and resisting, rigidly trying to take a step back, which proves fruitless as no less than three guards keep dragging her forward.

Somehow they were still struggling to restrain her and Rhea felt slightly disappointed with the lack of strength her men were displaying.

“It was by your own steps that you ended up here, insolent girl. It’s far too late to start struggling now,” Rhea hears herself say and feels satisfied by how icy it sounds. She turns to the guards. “Just cuff her to the wall,” she says stoically and points at the various shackles lining the wall, “and leave her be.”

Rhea has already half turned around, half put the girl out of her mind, when she hears Edelgard speak.

“… _Please_.”

She turns her head so quickly she might have been on the battlefield, alerted to the sudden sound of impending danger. She's met with wide lilac eyes, dulled by their owner's weakened state. The pride in them is all but gone. Instead there is tension, fear and above all, desperation.

“Please, Rhe- Lady Rhea. _Please_ , not like.... this,” Edelgard all but pleas. The use of the title to her name surprised the Archbishop, she knew how utterly disgusted the young woman was with her position and she had opted to openly refuse to recognize her as such in the past years.

“Like what?” She responds, keeping her voice as neutral as she could.

Edelgard uses her head, as her arms are still being restrained by the guards, to gesture towards the various shackles and chains tied to the wall. Her voice was soft, fragile, pleading. “Not like that. Please, I _can’t_. Not again. Never again." Her eyes widen slightly, seemingly upset by the hint of _something_ that just slipped from her lips. "Just… just kill me now, if you must,” she says, the fear in her eyes masked by the braveness she's forcing on herself.

As the words settled in Rhea’s mind two emotions inside her battled for dominance.

The first is an overwhelming urge for violence against the former Emperor, to hurt her beyond belief. For years Rhea had been nearly unable to see her as a woman, a human being with thoughts and feelings. So low had she sunken in Rhea's eyes. She feels her own urge for destruction barring its fangs at this opportunity. Whatever irrational fear Edelgard has for being chained up could be used to hurt her even further, deeper. It makes her blood sing in her veins.

Goddess, protect them both, for she wants nothing but to personally destroy this vile woman.

The other emotion is, surprisingly, a warped sort of empathy. It annoys her and she briefly wonders what could spur such an emotion from within her. She supposes it is the motherly instinct she tended to have for all humans, and even more for her students, former or not. She liked seeing humans grow and change, the way their feelings always seemed to reach out to her and make her care, even if they can never know that. She never gave much thought about the feelings of the hated Emperor, seeing her as far beyond redemption. But that image is hard to connect to the image in front of her, a frightened and weak young girl desperately pleading for her to be merciful.

And Rhea is known for being merciful.

But she finds she doesn't want to be merciful to Edelgard.

Could she be so cruel? Rhea knew she could. She had done, and enjoyed doing, cruel things in the past. But always for a right cause and always within the laws of the Church.

So after some consideration she decides to do what she always does whenever she feels divided. She will rely on the laws of the Church to guide her, her own personal vendetta be damned. Never mind that it had been mostly Rhea herself who created the laws. They were written to ensure a fair system of punishment, to ensure no one would suffer or benefit because of someone else’s personal feelings.

Imprisonment and execution were valid methods to make one atone for their sins and to rid the world of danger. Unnecessary torture and terror were not. And this, no matter how much she’d enjoy it and how easy she would get away with it, would not be righteous.

“Leave us,” she commands with enough authority that she knows her guards would not protest much.

“But, Lady Rhea..? It would be unwise to-” they start but she cuts them off dismissively. She doesn’t have the patience for this today.

“She’s under the weakening spell, if you don’t think I can handle her like this myself I _will_ question your belief in my power and authority.”

They pale at her words and inwardly Rhea smiles. Openly questioning her power was a crime, after all. A minor one, but still. 

Her guards try to make some feeble argument about their duty to ensure her safety, so that she would not be burdened with that herself, but after a few more stern words- _orders-_ from her, they bow, hand her the key and leave hurriedly.

When the heavy door behind her falls into the lock Rhea turns face the ragged form in front of her, who had still been staring at the wall ahead of her, but now moves to meet her eyes.

They both wait for the sound of dull footsteps to fade into the distance and Rhea finally takes the time to look at the girl. At first glance, she looks rather the same, sans her ridiculous red regalia she always wore into battle, and of course her even more ridiculous crown had been ripped from her head as well. _Good riddance_. Her white hair was now freely flowing down onto her back. It looked rather ragged and unkempt and some strands seemed to be duller, more grayish than others.

If she looks closely Rhea could see her hair wasn't exactly the same length everywhere, slightly uneven in some places. She wonders if Edelgard had tried to cut her own hair, or if someone else cut some locks of her hair instead. Maybe strands had been burned or torn off in battle. It made her look rather wild, free and perhaps even untamed. Rhea would have found it an oddly becoming look had it been anyone but Edelgard.

But the untamed look went well with her weary face. There were dark bags under her eyes and her skin had managed to somehow become even paler, her lips thinner and whiter and her cheekbones jutted out slightly, giving her a hollow appearance. The grayish dress, if it could be called that, covered most of her body. It reached to somewhere in between her knees and ankles, and the sleeves of the dress were long, slightly too long as Edelgard could retreat her hands into them somewhat. She looked so pale with nothing but gray and white in her features and clothes that it almost looked like she was only half in this world, as if she was some sort of lingering ghost, the other half of her having died long ago.

Her appearance was jarring in contrast to her eyes, however. Lilac eyes, only slightly dulled by the hardship their owner had been through, shined fiercely. Rhea felt that she could gauge how much strength Edelgard, in her weakened and disheveled state, truly had left by looking at her eyes. And her eyes seemed to hold far more strength, more _life,_ than the rest of her feeble being.

They say nothing to each other for a long moment. Which, after she finishes assessing Edelgard's appearance, takes far too long for Rhea. It gives her brain ample time to try and fail and to comprehend how this feeble looking human in front of her could have committed such atrocious crimes against her and all that she stands for. She flexes and relaxes the fingers of her hand in irritation.

Lilac eyes glance at the uncontrolled movement of her hand and then back up to meet Rhea's eyes defiantly.

“Just make it quick then, Rhea,” she spats, a hint of fear present in her slightly higher tone of voice. 

Briefly, Rhea feels confused. Make what quick? She recalls the Emperor's earlier words. Ah right, the plea for death. Yes, it would make sense she’d draw such a conclusion. The madwoman knew no mercy herself after all.

“I see your newfound respect for my position disappeared as quickly as it came,” she says in a rare moment of bitter sarcasm.

Edelgard responds with a glare and scoffs. “We both know it is a kindness of me to even address to you by a name, _Rhea,"_ she drawls, the disgust evident in her voice, her posture and eyes.

Rhea has to push down another wave of anger. By now she should really be used to this woman’s utter disrespect of her, yet she never fails to rile her up unexpectedly.

She ignores it, ignores Edelgard’s insults entirely. Somehow.

“I know of your boundless creativity to come up with new ways to dehumanize me, but I must disappoint you, I'm not going to kill you. Even I abide by the law of the Church, and I am in no position to be your judge, jury and executioner.”

She was in fact, in a position to do just that if she so wanted. She hopes Edelgard doesn't know that however, lest the girl be tempted to bait her into overstepping her own boundaries.

Edelgard merely crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows in a silent question. _Then what?_

“Look,” Rhea starts, already regretting this, knowing the other women would find a way to make her regret it, “I don’t care why. I do not want to know whatever you did to cause you to react with such an unnecessary amount of terror to imprisonment. A form of imprisonment you implemented yourself in your own dungeons back in Enbarr, may I add. But I am a compassionate woman and I will not expose my prisoners, even _you,_ to torture. At least not without good reason.”

Before she can continue Edelgard all but hisses at her. “What _I_ did? How _dare_ you! You know nothing, _nothing_ about me," she rages. "And you are _not_ a compassionate woman for you have no ability to feel compassion." She stills for a moment and then spitefully adds, "You’re not even a woman.” Rhea can hear the now unmasked hatred in her voice clearly.

Goddess, this insolent girl would just _not_ stop.

She could feel her anger, through her magic, radiate from within herself, knew Edelgard could feel it too, and she needs all her willpower to not give in to her anger. Not a woman? Just what did Edelgard think she and her family were? Not for the first time she wishes she could just force her to listen to her story, her history, so that Edelgard would stop drawing conclusions based on lies and half-truths that she managed to get from wherever.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk herself and, more importantly her family being exposed lie that. She doesn't know what Edelgard already knows and can't risk having her make certain connections because Rhea knows Edelgard could turn the right information into a weapon to point straight at Rhea's heart.

“I don’t know, and I don’t care,” she grits through her teeth.

She needs to calm herself. She needs to be in control and keep up her uncaring façade. Edelgard would never accept her compassion, would never meet her halfway if she had a feeling it was out of pity.

Out of things to say, she walks over to the wall, keeping an eye on her prisoner all the while, and picks up one of the longer chains, hoping it would take some of the self-destructive fighting spirit out of the mad girl and replace it with the much more compliant, pleading girl from before.

It has the effect she hoped for.

Immediately Edelgard falls silent, with wide eyes eyeing her warily. Seemingly unaware of the act she wraps her arms protectively across her chest.

Taking advantage of the other woman’s silence, Rhea speaks up.

“It is impossible for me to leave you here free to roam about. You’d be able to reach the door and potentially harm whoever would come to bring you food. These shackles are for your ankles. I can leave you in just these. You can reach your bed and the bathroom while wearing them, and while the length of the chain in between your ankles would limit the size of the steps you could take you’d be free to move about otherwise. Can you live with that? With just these?”

Edelgard seems to be somewhat taken aback, confusion being openly displayed across her worn features.

After what feels like an eternity, she slowly nods once.

“Good,” Rhea says maybe too quickly, relieved that she won't need to have another pointless discussion with her prisoner. “Stand against the wall then, and face me,” she adds and hesitates before continuing, “I won’t hurt you, and I know you are in a weakened state but if you try to hurt me, if you so much as step out of line, I _will_ hurt you with as much force as I can without taking your life. And then I will _personally_ chain you to that wall with every shackle I can find. Is that clear?” she says with too much strain in her voice. She feels uncomfortable and angry, and _so_ tired, but she thinks she managed to sound confident enough.

Edelgard swallows hard and nods again, this time slightly harder, before slowly stepping backwards until her back gently bumps into the wall. She shifts to look at Rhea expectantly.

Rhea approaches her carefully, making an effort to not hesitate because any sign of weakness would surely be used against her. Shackles in hand, she kneels in front of the former Emperor and without giving her time to adjust, clicks the first shackle around her ankle.

“I never thought I’d have the Archbishop kneel in front of me.” Rhea hears coming from above her, the smug grin evident in the young woman’s voice.

 _Ignore it,_ Rhea tells herself, feeling anger rise in her again. _Do not give her the satisfaction._ Trying to redirect her thoughts, she focuses hard on tightening the first shackle.

Perhaps because of her strained effort to focus on anything but the mocking voice she notices something she hadn’t seen before.

Faded white lines marred the other’s ankles. _Scarring_. Feeling puzzled she inspects them. The first thing she notices are the thick white circles around the ankles, which she recognizes as faded evidence of having worn shackles, too tightly and too long. Odd, she doesn’t recall Edelgard having been incarcerated before.

When she looks further she sees more lines crawl up the woman’s leg, disappearing underneath the fabric of her dress just under her knees. Battle scars? Some of them perhaps. But others are too thin, too straight and too symmetrical. Surgical scars, then?

Did Edelgard ever need surgery? Or did she experiment on herself? Seeing as she had willingly exposed herself to a Crest stone, turning her into an abomination, it wouldn't surprise Rhea in the slightest if Edelgard would resort to experimenting with other inhuman methods of obtaining more power. Truly this girl’s fury knew no boundaries nor reason.

In hindsight she couldn’t tell what spurred her to do it but she found herself absentmindedly tracing the scars gently with two of her fingers. She started at the thicker wide circles, and continues to follow the thinner lines up, higher and higher until she's almost at the girl's knee, just below where her dress ends. Before she can consciously realize what she's doing, Edelgard does it for her instead.

And Rhea is promptly kicked in the chest.

It didn’t hurt, with the girl being so weak and not in a favorable angle to kick to begin with, but the shock is enough to have Rhea instantly boil with anger and impulsively she grabs the leg from the air at the ankle and jams it back onto the floor with force.

A muffled, pained wince from above draws her attention and when she looks up she sees her own shock and anger mirrored in lilac eyes, but with an almost paralyzing fear added to the mix.

Edelgard doesn’t say a word and seems completely frozen in terror. It must have been an instinctive reaction then, Rhea muses. With a slight pang of guilt she realizes she could somewhat understand the girl’s reaction, having your biggest enemy, at who's mercy you are currently under touch you on a spot that seems to be deeply personal and complicated for the girl cannot be an easy thing to ignore.

“I’ll let that one slide, then,” she murmurs and quickly finishes fastening the shackle. It was the only form of apology she’d ever give the other woman.

“I’ll let it slide then as well,” is the angry response she gets.

“That one, too,” she replies dryly, absolutely refusing to let the girl have the last word.

Thankfully it remains quiet and Rhea finishes tightening the other shackle without any more problems. Quickly she steps back quite far and looks up to the face of the mad Emperor, who isn't meeting her eyes.

She looks uncomfortable, anxious even, but not as fearful as she had been earlier. When she feels she's being watched she looks up shoots Rhea an angry glare.

“Don’t think I’ll grovel at your feet in gratitude for your _boundless_ mercy, your holiness,” she mocks.

“Oh, do not worry. I don’t.” Rhea responds and in a flare of annoyance she adds, “however, I do expect you to _kneel_ for me.”

Immediately she regrets it. What had possessed her to say that? There was no need for the madwoman to kneel, not the right circumstances either. It was bordering on inappropriate, nothing but an abuse of her power to humiliate Edelgard further. It would just fuel the girl's anger more as well. 

More importantly, there was a good chance Edelgard would refuse, and then what would Rhea do? Force her onto her knees herself? Hurt her until she would succumb to the pain and fall down on her own? While they were both entertaining prospects she simply couldn’t. She wasn’t... like that.

...Was she?

As her mind was racing to find a way to safe face for her slip-up she almost misses it.

Despite lacking her regalia and her crown, despite the torn grayish garments she was wearing, despite the ragged state of her hair is and the bags under her eyes, Edelgard is _every_ bit the royal Emperor as she has always been and it's evident in everything as she comes alive.

Slowly, elegantly and despite her weakened state, full of power Edelgard makes her way over to where Rhea is standing, her calculated steps small, courtesy of the chains rattling behind her limiting her freedom.

It's just another display of power, of arrogance, Rhea reminds herself sternly, yet has to restrain herself not to gulp at the sight.

When Edelgard stops right in front of her, so close - _too_ _close,_ Rhea has to remind herself again to keep steady and to stop herself from taking a step back. She can't show weakness, any hint of surprise or fear would be a sure loss in the eyes of the madwoman. No one ever got this close to her these days, not anymore. Of course this woman would disrespect such customs.

The expression in lilac eyes says all Rhea needs to know. There is a fire burning behind them and a smile on her features. Despite the fact that Edelgard had long been defeated, had everything taken from her and had no hope left, she has never stopped fighting and she likely never would. No, Edelgard would much rather be consumed by her own rage and madness than ever surrender. She would burn herself to the ground before she'd let anyone else do it for her.

This was just another kind of battle.

Blinking once, Edelgard turns to look down and _achingly_ slowly begins to lower herself towards the ground. She carries herself with grace, even when she tries to lower herself on one knee, only to discover the chains between her ankles aren’t long enough for such a position. She laughs quietly at herself, more melodiously than the Archbishop can connect to the memories she has of the mad Emperor. Instead Edelgard smoothly lowers herself to sit on both knees.

By the Goddess was it beautiful to see her like this. The white haired girl made a better martyr, a better Saint, than Rhea could ever hope to be.

She looks up to meet Rhea's eyes, and for a second Rhea thinks she sees something open and raw cross over her features, before it morphs into a fierce determination.

Edelgard tilts her head slightly towards the ground, in some sort of mockery of devotion, and places her hands carefully in her lap.

When she starts speaking, Rhea suddenly finds it impossible to swallow.

 _“Oh, Deity of fearsome majesty,”_ Edelgard begins, speaking quietly towards the floor, the edge of amusement only barely audible in the otherwise sincerely sounding devout and dedicated tone of her voice. _“Who gladly saves those fit to be saved,”_ she continues without a hint of shame. In fact she almost seems to be captivated by the words she's speaking.

Rhea’s blood runs cold.

She knew those words.

These were her _own_ words.

 _“Save me, oh font of mercy,”_ Edelgard proceeds, now managing to banish all audible amusement from her voice, with only worship dripping from every syllable.

Rhea had written these words herself for followers to show their devotion to Saint Seiros when she was still going by that very name, so, _so_ many years ago. Where did this cursed woman even learn such old and holy words? Rhea knew for sure they were no longer taught at Garreg Mach nor the household of the Adrestian Empire. Had Edelgard searched for them herself?

Hearing her own words from the younger woman just made it sound all so off, so utterly false, yet also so _good._ Something hot and powerful courses through her veins. Rhea’s mind was racing, yet her feelings made her thoughts heavy and filled with clouds. Just how much did this girl know? Did she know her true name? Her age? Did she know Rhea herself wrote those very same words herself so long ago? What else could she possibly know?

She tries to think clearly, but that voice beneath her seems to be the only thing her brain could orbit around at the moment.

 _“Guilty now, I sigh,”_ Edelgard speaks solemnly, as if in deep remorseful prayer, _“my face reddens in my guilt. Spare me, the imploring one._ ” After that, Edelgard looks up, lilac eyes full of fire and life, to meet Rhea’s own fearful ones. And in what was surely an act of rebellion, of mockery, of sin and simply another attempt to spread her poison, Edelgard holds their gaze intensely and she all but reverently whispers the final words, “Oh, _Goddess._ ”

Rhea inhales sharply, feeling a jolt of _something_ coursing through her spine and immediately her mind a mess, far beyond it. The way Edelgard had said those last words, full of devotion, referring to _her_. It makes her mind go numb, yet she never felt so alive before.

Yes, she truly understood now why they had called her the Flame Emperor, for she was burning. There would be no way for the mad Emperor to get out of this, she had lost everything, her death imminent. They both knew this, still Edelgard would not stop burning. Instead of wasting away her final days in anger or regret she seemed intent to fuel her own flames as much as she could muster, in an attempt to set everything around her ablaze. She was on a suicide mission to see just how much hubris she could create before it would inevitably collapse and consume her along with it. She didn’t want to be publicly executed. No, Edelgard wants to die on her on terms. As herself, full of chaos.

And, Heavens have mercy on her, for this was surely a sin, Rhea realizes she wants nothing more than to see her burn. No, not just that. She wants to fuel those flames, see how far she could truly push the other woman before she inevitably extinguishes herself, to see just how far the two of them could go together.

She feels light-headed, her mind hazy, and she couldn’t seem to focus. She keeps hearing those _words_ in that _voice_ over and over again, as they're etched into her memory. She's vaguely aware she should be saying something soon, as beneath her Edelgard is beginning to look increasingly pleased with herself.

The girl had gotten under her skin, there was no denying that. Although Rhea wonders if Edelgard knew just how much and in what way. 

“I... I’m pleasantly surprised you know of such old and sacred scriptures, Edelgard,” she manages to say, sounding strained. “Although it was all a bit… unnecessary," she finishes. Her voice was too fragile and it was easy to see that this was Rhea without her mask of many smiles. It just slipped and cracked somewhere without her fully aware of it.

“Ah, well," Edelgard starts coyly. "I just wanted to show you how utterly _devoted_ I am to the Church," she follows, irony dripping from her voice.

“Hmm,” Rhea hums as she tries to get her mind back on track, back into some resemblance of coherence. But all her brainpower is being used to have thoughts and feelings about _Edelgard_. 

"Edelgard…" she vaguely hears herself hum. "Such a _good girl_ , you are then,” she murmurs almost lazily, and reaches out her hand to put a loose strand of hair back behind the kneeling girl's ear, letting her fingers linger on the spot behind Edelgard's ear, gently playing with strands of hair here. Edelgard's soft content gasp at Rhea's touches set a fire in Rhea's heart and it fuels her desire to touch her more.

Just as she's considering cupping the girls cheek to look her in the eyes she falters and instantly she's jolted back into reality. With panic rising inside her she searches for the other woman's eyes, terrified of what she'll find there.

And… _oh_. Edelgard’s eyes were half lidded and her face leaning into Rhea’s hand. It was so _intimate_ and _gentle_ that Rhea almost couldn’t bear it. 

Feeling Rhea’s hand shift in movement, and Rhea's intense gaze on her too, Edelgard becomes aware of her surroundings as well. Her lidded eyes, lazy smile and her slightly agape mouth last until she makes eye contact with the Archbishop.

Edelgard's eyes widen in surprise and seems to be hit with the realization she just exposed herself like that. Instantly her whole body tightens.

Rhea freezes completely, no longer able to think, especially of what is to come.

Neither of them seems to be able to move a muscle nor can they say a word and Rhea feels her heart sink.

Oh, Goddess what has she _done_ _?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words Edelgard speaks to Rhea are from an older, unrevised version of the Dies Irae, a passage about the day of Doom/Torn/Judgement whatever it is the Christians are yearning for. It's no longer used in most official readings, and if it is, it's a slightly more.... clean and less intense version (Read: less erotic)
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading it.
> 
> Edit: I rewrote the entire thing because I was Very Drunk while writing and uploading this lmao. I couldn't keep the tense the same whatsoever, I see now.


	2. Of Monsters and women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhea is very good at feeling things very deeply. Unfortunately she's less good at feeling the same emotion for very long. Edelgard helps by making it even more difficult for her to keep her feelings in check as she hurls all kinds of unfiltered, emotionally loaded words at the usually so calm and serene Archbishop.

Oh _Goddess,_ what had she done?

Rhea’s mind comes to an almost full stop while she numbly watches several expressions cross over the kneeling woman’s facial features.

There is a gentle confusion first. A sort open, almost curious look. It feels as if Rhea could make her laugh or cry with a single, well chosen word.

Then, to Rhea’s surprise, a raw sort of vulnerability washes over the girl’s features, looking almost hurt yet also hopeful. Her eyes seem as wide as her heart. As if she's desperately longing for something she knew she would never have, which Rhea had just cruelly reminded her of. And somewhere in the back of her mind Rhea felt a tug that urged her to go through Hell to find the thing the white haired haired girl was longing for if the mad Emperor would keep looking at her this way. With some effort she pushes the feeling deep into the dark recesses of her mind.

Then lastly, thank the Heavens, Edelgard’s expression morphs into one of feeling utterly offended. Offense, Rhea could deal with. The former Emperor got offended by her every other second, back during the war and even before that. Rhea was sure that Edelgard was terribly offended by the mere essence of Rhea before they had ever even met.

“I’m not a _child,_ Rhea,” she spats angrily and, with much less grace than before, scrambles back up to her feet. “I’m twenty-seven,” she adds with a scowl, brushing imaginary dirt off her knees. Rhea breathes out in relief, infinitely glad that the younger woman had not noticed -and subsequently ruthlessly abused- her moment of weakness. Or maybe it had been a moment of accidental openness. She’d have to think long and hard about that later.

She gathers her bearings, forces the haze from her mind and tries to find her words. She desperately needs to be in control again.

“That is indeed quite old yes,” she says with a hint of irony and is pleased her voice is once more under her control, “could have fooled me,” she adds casually and receives an angry glare, which she spitefully ignores.

She needs to change the subject, in an attempt to prevent Edelgard from saying more things the Archbishop cannot deal with right now.

“Tell me then, where are yours?”

She's met with confused look.

“My what?”

“Your children." Rhea explains nonchalantly, "I’ve never heard of a ruling monarch that hadn’t started producing heirs at your age." She pauses as if in thought and then speaks up with mock disbelieve. "Or be unwed, for that matter.”

She knew very well Edelgard had never wedded anyone and half hoped it was a sore subject for the mad Emperor, but she needed some kind of revenge, something to hold on to and make Edelgard lose her bearings. Especially after the kneeling fiasco just now.

Edelgard scoffs and when she speaks there is a subdued anger in her voice, making Rhea feel victorious for having managed to get through her barriers.

“Well _excuse me_ , but surely you understand I was a bit busy being on the battlefield all the time to carry a child to term,” Edelgard almost growls. Rhea receives an angry glare again but she finds she's getting used to them. In a way she even longs for them because she can handle Edelgard when she is angry.

But she only gets to enjoy her newfound sense of control for an instant. Edelgard searches for the Archbishop's eyes with her own and without warning Rhea receives one of the ugliest, angriest and an almost aggressively vulnerable looks of deeply etched pain she has ever gotten in her life. It makes Rhea want to apologize profusely to other without even knowing of her supposed crime.

“And you know _damn well_ I cannot conceive,” Edelgard spats with so much malice in her voice it reminds Rhea of being scolded by her Mother.

A pale comparison really, as her Mother had been mostly gentle. And as Rhea has been Archbishop for so long now that she isn't used to being spoken to in such a manner at all anymore. It send shivers down her spine. If she hadn’t tried to ignore them she might have considered them pleasant.

And Rhea did, in fact, not know that bit about of information about Edelgard.

It must have shown on her features.

Edelgard stares at her with a curious and calculating expression, then grabs a strand of her own hair, holding it up so it falls in half a loop between the tips of the strand held between her fingers and the base of her head. Her expression is seemingly conveying something very important which Rhea is clearly missing. “You know...,” she says, gently tugging the strand of hair as if it was obvious. “Because of the-” she stops abruptly mid-sentence, her mouth still open in an unfinished sentence.

As her mouth slowly closes she seems to reach an entirely new conclusion. Her expression gets darker, with a numbed hurt underneath it.

“You don’t know,” she states numbly, and suddenly casts away her eyes.

She drops the strand of hair and crosses her arms over her stomach, as if protecting herself. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” she asks weakly. almost as if she's hoping to be told otherwise.

Rhea suddenly feels like she has made a huge mistake without knowing what it could possibly be. She wants to start speaking but before she can find her words Edelgard continues.

“Tell me, it just you who doesn’t know? Who doesn’t care?" Edelgard questions her harshly. "I mean I know _you_ don’t care but does no one at your camp do any research?” she says and this time her hope is evident, woven through the hurt in her voice.

Rhea feels cornered, like she just lost some sort of battle she didn’t know she was participating in. What part about Edelgard’s past was she missing? Was it vital to her rather unique hair color as she seemed to imply? Her reason to go to war? She had to find out more but for now she had to be in control of this battle, if she looked foolish or weak in front of Edelgard the entire dynamic between them would fall and crumble along with Rhea's control over her prisoner.

“I have no idea what you are talking about, dear Edelgard,” Rhea says smoothly, trying to regain the upper hand in a fight she had stumbled blindly into. “But as I’ve said before I have no interest in getting to know anything about you, either.”

To her own surprise it hurts to say, hurts to see Edelgard’s expression go from pained and hopeful to one of crushing loneliness and defeat.

Her words had gotten to Edelgard.

But perhaps not in the way Rhea had hoped.

A hollow chuckle echoes through the chamber, the white haired woman’s lips forming a thin line in the ghost of an icy smile. She looks down momentarily, then back up.

“Get out,” she says numbly, weak. There was a shiver in her voice.

“You have no authority to make such demands, however I will respect your wis-”

“I said _get out!,”_ Edelgard interrupts her, this time louder, sounding so vicious yet so controlled it unnerves Rhea.

Without realizing it, she's suddenly turning around to go, already reaching for the door handle and fishing the correct key from her pocket before she realizes she cannot leave like this. It would be a loss for her. Something about Edelgard just made her beyond angry. Everything with her was so intense. She had to say something back, just to spite her, to have the last word.

She opens the gate and gently she turns around so she's standing in the door opening. Her usual serene look plastered on her expressions.

Edelgard looks at her warily.

“I suppose it’s for the better then,” Rhea speaks calmly, a warm smile on her face. “Your _infertility_ , I mean.” Edelgard goes pale at her words. “Now the Church and I won’t have to spend resources on well… taking care of them.”

Rhea doubts that in the situation Edelgard did have bastards running around the Church would have hunted them down to kill them. Perhaps they would have kept an eye on them to see what they’d end up doing in life, but not kill them.

But Edelgard doesn’t know that.

She was paling before but now there is red bleeding into her features along with anger. Her voice is eerily calm as she speaks up.

“It doesn’t matter how much you smile and pretend to care for me, or anyone. I know that below that disguise you are nothing but a cruel monster, you _vile bitch!",_ she growls, saying the last words with such veneer it actually hurt Rhea.

And then Rhea’s mind goes white with hot, uncontrollable anger, once more. She steps back into the prison, the door falling into the lock behind her once more.

“Me? A _monster_? Preposterous. I am the Archbishop, loved by many. In fact, I’d say the true monster in this room… well that would be you, right?,” Rhea finishes, with a cold smile on her face.

Edelgard seems to be overwhelmed by various intense feelings and thoughts. She opens her mouth to speak once, but before she could find her words, Rhea decides she won't give her the chance.

“What I mean is,” she says casually, finger near her face, “that even before the war you were always living a double life, no? You've had few moments to just be Edelgard. You were faking all the social interactions with your supposed 'friends', refused to take on any lovers. You were barely even a person, even back then. So tell me, who are you really, Lady Hresvelg?” Rhea says and watches Edelgard twitch at the mention of her surname name. _Good_. That felt good.

She continues relentlessly.

“And then during the war you have came to be responsible for the deaths of thousands. Innocents, civilians, your former classmates, teachers and friends are long dead and buried, because of _you_.”

Edelgard looks as if she really want to start speaking in her own defense, her reasons, her thoughts, but after a moment she say nothing and leans back against the wall, arms crossed in front of her chest. A sign of bitter resignation.

Rhea thinks this should be punishment enough yet she is so irked by being called a monster she can't resist once she finds another parallel between them.

“Please, help me remember,” she says sweetly. “Between the two of us, exactly who turned herself into a literal monster, the Hegemon Demon, to slaughter opposing troops in a last vain attempt to salvage your pitiful war? You are stubborn and determined I’ll give you that,” Rhea finishes and, somewhat smugly, meets at the other woman's face. She's surprised to see the fire in the white haired woman’s flicker awake again, yet it's calmer, mingled with other emotions than hatred. Still, there is no trace left of that resignation. Maybe Rhea had pushed too far.

Edelgard stands up straight, her chains rattling as she moves. One arm was flung over her stomach holding her side there tightly, the other falling downwards from her shoulder along her side.

She takes a moment to gather her thoughts.

Her voice suddenly turns calm, sounding almost as if is was mourning.

“That war had been long lost, Rhea. Surely you and your troops knew that as well. When I found out my castle in Enbarr was your next target, I stayed, with the Crest stone. I told all the people that where still loyal me to flee or seek cover. The commoners, too. We helped them prepare to leave or to prepare to live under a flag with your banner. I told my soldiers to go. To flee, to turn themselves in in the case they had hardly committed any documented crimes. To my surprise, a small amount of soldiers still wanted to fight for me.”

Rhea thinks she sees Edelgard’s eyes go moist and then watches her smile weakly.

"To ensure you would spare them they had to get far away from _me_."

Rhea hears the crack in her voice, sees that Edelgard is on the brink of tears, and a twisted sort of empathy arises in her. She looks so beautiful and free when she speaks openly like that, as if she’s speaking as Edelgard, using her own feelings as a basis for her words, and not as the carefully crafted Emperor persona she constructed so delicately. 

Rhea feels the urge to do or say something, but refuses to act on it.

“At the end it was me and Hubert, he just wouldn’t’ leave," Edelgard continues and there are now clearly tears falling from her eyes, yet there is a tiny broken smile at the warm memory.

Rhea had found it odd that she let herself get captured like that, with so little soldiers left. But hearing that Edelgard chose to free everyone well ahead of time so they could live, and only having herself staying behind for political strategy was a move she’d hadn’t expected from her.

“The day before you came Hubert came to me in the throne room, where I was sitting, waiting for the end to come.” It's clear Edelgard is forcing herself to keep talking, her words sound so strained it's clear she's struggling. 

He s-said that,” she pauses and Rhea thinks she’s trying to control her emotions. “He said that… that the inevitable was going to happen tomorrow. You had Enbarr surrounded. And the two of us would certainly be killed or captured. The idea of being captured alive mortified me for various reasons, one you are already familiar with.”

Rhea nodded and met her eyes again. Hoping she’d go on.

“Hubert said,” Edelgard continues, pausing as she suppresses another sob. She takes a deep breath and steels herself. “Hubert said, no, he _insisted_ it would be me…He wanted me to be the one to kill him. He didn’t want you or anyone else to have the satisfaction of killing him. …And he was also deadly afraid of getting captured.”

She sighs wistfully and for a short instant her eyes glaze over, as she's seemingly lost in a hazy pain.

A moment later she comes back to her senses and regains her bearings.

“So I did it. It was my duty to my best friend. I held him close to me for as long as I could. I rubbed his back, tussled his hair and we even cuddled on the large carpet in the throne room." Edelgard laughs suddenly. "I suppose picturing us doing that must be somewhat hard for others, but that is because when we were much younger, right after I was rescued from the dungeons, we made a vow.”

Rhea heard every word she said, but files away the ‘Rescued from the dungeons’ part for later.

“We had always been close friends. We’d hold hands sometimes as children, had play fights, hugged. Normal friends. But after the vow we chose to be as formal and distant with each other as possible. It was simple, no unnecessary touching, keep a respectable distance, use each others titles, no personal feelings unrelated to our cause were to be shared. It was hard but it was needed because in the next years we had to learn to become tools, weapons with no feelings or personalities, who were only fighting to reach their goal, their ideals. Our friendship was still as strong and deep and we were still as loyal to each other as before but we weren’t allowed act as friends any longer. For our goals.”

She tries to say it casually, but her voice wavers sometimes or she’s quiet for a moment ever so often.

Rhea fights the urge to go over and hug her, and this in turn just makes her angrier at the pitiful woman.

“So….So I did it. I killed him. I held my best friend in my arms and used the poisoned dagger he had given me. He told be the poison wouldn’t hurt so much and that he’d likely be sleeping five minutes in and dead in less than ten.”

“But that wasn’t the case,” Rhea guesses, the look on Edelgard's face saying all she needs to know.

Edelgard looked up with moist yet curiously gentle eyes.

“No,” she chuckles hollowly. “I think that was the only time he ever truly lied to me.”

“It took about twenty minutes before he died, maybe even a little longer.” Edelgard shivers and shifts her posture. “He was somewhere in between lucid and delusional. He recognized me, and for him that was all that matters.” She smiles but it looks so fragile it just feels wrong. “I held him in my arms the whole time, dagger still in his abdomen, so that it would be the poison that would kill him, not the internal bleeding caused by if I had pulled the dagger out. That pain would have been much more agonizing and he would have lasted even longer."

"But finally, after all these years of strict formality, we could speak freely. I held his hand when he spoke of his budding affections for Ferdinand. Something that had been confusing him endlessly. We spoke over our favorite foods and teas, he mentioned how he always loved my two purple ribbons in my hair, how they suited me. He’d always considered it a hairstyle that wasn’t suited for a future Emperor, and we had promised we would shape ourselves and each other into a suitable image as much as possible, but he always thought it suited me so well he never said anything, he let me have that one thing. And hearing that meant so much to me.

Rhea makes it a very important task in her mind to not be aware of the fact Edelgard isn’t wearing any ribbons in her messy hair anymore.

“After a while I could see he was in pain. I think it might have been a neurotoxin, a sort of paralyzing potion. His legs where the first to go, then later his fingers, and arms.”

She sighs and looks at Rhea.

“I’m sorry, I got quite dark there,” she smiles sheepishly, “shall I stop?”

Rhea doesn’t want her to stop, she finds out to her own surprise.

She walks over to the wall where Edelgard is leaning against for support and, at a respectable distance, leans against the wall as well, so she can look at Edelgard from the side.

“Please go on. I… I want to know, if you don’ mind,” she says using her real voice, not her Archbishop act and hoping that Edelgard find more comfort in that.

A quiet, “very well then,” echoes throughout the cell.

Edelgard smiles, it was weak and fragile, but genuine. Rhea’s heartstrings promptly do something funny. She gives herself three full seconds to enjoy it, refuses to acknowledge the implications, and then promptly represses those feelings into oblivion.

“I think it must have been about seven or six minutes before he died that I kissed him and he kissed me too as well, with what little strength he had. We had never done anything like that, and neither of us was ever attracted to one another, but we did love each other so _incredibly_ much. I kissed his cheeks, I kissed the top of his head so many times. As the poison crept through his body I took him to sit in between my legs, his back against my front, and I wrapped my arms around him and simply held him tightly. It had felt so good to feel his warmth against me again, after all these years..."

Her eyes go hollow for a moment, lost in a memory, before she shakes it of as recognition and purpose bleeds into her eyes instead.

“ _Edelgard_ ," he managed to utter quietly, I thought he had gone mute by now, you know. “ _Edelgard_ ,” he repeated, and I couldn't help but notice how ragged his breathing was becoming. “ _El… You will always be my whole world,”_ he managed to say before he started coughing, and there was b-blood coming from his mouth now, so I knew it wouldn’t take much longer. But he kept talking. He told me, “and _I, I will always orbit your world. I love your world…Edelgard, I love you.”_

Edelgard makes a strained but quiet noise, so full of repressed agony and anguish it makes Rhea's blood run cold.

“I think he tried to say more," Edelgard continues merely a moment later. "But a coughing fit overcame him, and so much blood was pooling from his mouth, by this point his body had been twitching uncontrollably”

She takes another moment to regain control over her shivering form. There are tears rolling down Edelgard’s cheeks, yet she isn’t sobbing. Only the slightest tremors in her shoulders give away her pain.

“I held him until I could feel his body slowly stilling. When the last twitching had subsided and no new ones seemed to be coming, I checked his pulse. His heart had stopped.”

Numbly, almost like she was simply reading from a letter, she continues.

“I held him in my arms for a long time, with my head against the back of his and my arms wrapped tightly around him. Softly rocking us back and forth, I'd spill some of my secrets to him that he would surely laughed about now. How I'd sneak into the cooking hall of Enbarr in the middle of the night to steal chocolate pastries and scamper back to my own room and eat them at my own leisure pace until dawn came," she laughs through her tears. "I think he would have found it funny now too, had I told him while he still...well...." 

She stops momentarily, and her voice had been so fragile and broken just now that Rhea isn't sure Edelgard will have the strength to say the rest.

Instead Edelgard sighs deeply, and along with the air some of the stress she was feeling leaves her as well.

When she speaks up again it's again almost as if she's reading from a parchment of a book, so detached does she sound from her voice.

"I held him long after his body started going cold and rigid, and all of a sudden my brain couldn't comprehend anymore that I was holding my dearest friend, and instead it was now just a lifeless corpse. This irrational fear of holding a deceased person overcame me, and I just couldn’t hold him anymore. It felt like I was abandoning him. I ended up going to great lengths to bury him somewhere secret, so hopefully he can stay there at peace for a while…” Edelgard’s words die down.

The only sound in the small chamber are the occasional sob from the trembling girl and the friction of the fabric Edelgard was wearing, moving against the wall she's is leaning heavily on.

Edelgard sighs softly, as if she was feeling relief and regret at once. “That was the only time in my live someone had told me they loved me, after...after my incident.”

Rhea feels something deep in her heart ache, and she made it a very important point to properly inspect the ceiling of the room. Because she will _not_ feel empathy for this madwoman. She tried to destroy the Church and her family, she forcibly reminds herself.

Neither of them say anything for a while. Rhea can't get around the rage and hatred she feels for this illogical tyrant child who had planned and schemed so many years to unveil Rhea and her families' secrets. She had wanted to bring the Church down and the Church is Rhea's last place where she could find refuge. The Church, the cathedral and all of Garreg Mach are all Rhea has left from her Mother. It is the only place she would ever consider home because it is the place where her Mother slumbers endlessly. She believes with all her heart that the Goddess Sothis is still here in this universe. Perhaps in slumber, perhaps in a Crest stone. The possibilities are endless.

Before Rhea can fall into an even deeper and much darker territory, where hate would rear its ugly head, Edelgard begins to stir. It comes as a surprise to Rhea that Edelgard, always so fierce and in control of her emotions, suddenly starts to lean heavily against the back of the wall she's leaning on, and then -agonizingly slow- slumps down onto the floor. She pulls her knees up and buries her face in her arms.

A few quiet sobs resonate though the chamber, but before long Edelgard manages to steel herself again.

“In the end it was just me. I had let my soldiers go, ushered them out, _ordered_ those who didn't want to. And then I stayed there with all my courage, yet still _so_ anxious about what was going to happen. It felt like it took forever, so when you and your soldiers finally came I was exhausted and more than ready to die.”

She looks up at Rhea, who feels very unnerved all of a sudden.

“I even longed for it, death I mean. I yearned to die on that battlefield. So I could be free from the shackles this world had used to bind me unto it and atone for my sins in the afterlife.”

Edelgard's eyes seem to glaze over slightly as she continues, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“I was deadly afraid as I heard the Church's army surround my palace, breaching the doors and making their way to the throne room. But I stood fierce, determined to die by your hands. The person whom I hate the most and in turn hates me the most. I thought it would be a fitting ending for me. My biggest failure and your biggest victory. And a way for you to move on, I suppose."

She gets an almost wistful look on her face.

"When you came barging through the door along with your soldiers, sword in hand and dressed for war, for a moment I truly believed you were a Goddess or some other sort of Divine being and I added another number to my countless pile of sins, for angering a deity so much as I had surely couldn’t have been a virtue.”

She smiles at Rhea, whose head is suddenly reeling with emotions and conflicting feelings. Before she can make sense of them, let them settle in ways she might or not might be comfortable with, Edelgard continues.

“I saw your sword and I knew that I wanted to be pierced by it, not decapitated. No, I wanted the pain the last. I wanted to enjoy growing weaker because of you as I would bleed out, I wanted that pain etched into my bones. I wanted to remember the feeling.” She smiles shyly. “You must understand, I sat there for a full day and night, all alone and terrified and that got to me, so I even secretly hoped you would held my hand or something. Or held my body, reminding me of all my sins, crimes and wrongdoings until I faded from this world.”

Edelgard laughs, almost giggles, at her own twisted wish.

Rhea suddenly struggles to keep hearing and registering what the other woman is saying over the ringing in her ears, as her mind is picturing stabbing Edelgard so sweetly and holding her close as she is dying. It takes all her willpower to force thoughts and the feelings that accompany them down into nothingness.

Edelgard smiles again. “It’s curious what kind of thoughts and feelings strike someone when they know their death and inevitable, don’t you think? It makes one foolishly poetic.”

Rhea finds herself agreeing, but the sense of longing that comes with it is not something she can deal with.

Edelgard’s smile fades and her expression becomes bitter as she continues.

“But you didn’t come to kill me. I would have let you, you know. I wouldn’t have resisted at all, welcomed you, and my death, with open arms.” she says and then scowls, “instead you send your soldiers after me, to hunt and wound me, but not kill me. You wanted to capture me alive.”

She meets Rhea’s eyes and there is just such an inhuman fear and desperation in them that it makes the Archbishop’s head reel.

“You… you know what they do sometimes, right?" she almost whispers and Rhea's stomach twists unpleasantly. "When they capture a high ranking soldier, a noble, especially an Emperor. Those soldiers, so thirsty for blood and high on victory, what they do to their captives sometimes, especially a woman… Rhea… I was so terrified. More than I’d ever have been in my life. I wanted them to kill my body, but if that were to happen to me they would have killed my soul.”

Rhea wants to tell the girl that her soldiers aren't like that. That they are good, loyal people who would do nothing but follow her every command. But she knows, _knows_ how they hated the Emperor with such ferocity that their lust for blood and revenge... that there was a chance it would have made them to commit monstrous deeds.

“So that’s why, “Edelgard concludes softly, “is why I used my last resort, the Crest stone I had secretly kept with me. I thought that, no, I hoped that if you and your soldiers were to kill me in that monstrous form, it would be over as well.”

She shivers.

“The transformation was unnerving. My limbs, legs, my torso, none of that was me. It felt like I was put in a grotesque body of a monster, my bones twisted and broken into a new shape. I had little time to adjust to my new proportions and figure out how to move.”

She smiles wryly, and once again it unnerves Rhea.

“I fought, with my foreign claws, with my legs. With my wings I clumsily swat away my enemies. And while I could summon some strange kind of magic I had no idea how to control it. So while I was a strong and formidable opponent, I was mostly useless and no match for your experienced soldiers and mages. It didn’t matter to me, I thought that soon they’d get me to my knees, pierce my inhuman armor and then finally piece my skin deep enough for it to fatally wound me.”

She turns sad at once, and Rhea feels a pit in her stomach, dreading to come what is next, she was there as well after all.

Edelgard shakes her head in frustration. “The Hegemon form didn’t last. It crumbled and faded before I could. Perhaps my mind or my body were too weak to keep it up.”

The self-hatred at her supposed failure is evident on her features.

“So there I was then. Standing weakly on my own legs, Amyr was out of reach and I had no other weapons. I saw you, behind all your soldiers. And as I struggled to breathe I heard you to command your soldiers to capture me alive.”

Edelgard looks to the ground, as if ashamed.

She balls her fists in some sort of resistance. "I could barely stand, but I was so desperate. So I used my fists, my legs, everything I had to bait them into killing me. After a particular hard hit with the blunt side of a blade to my knee I couldn’t use my leg anymore, and I fell to my knees. And instead of the swift sound of a blade aiming for my neck I could hear your voice again, demanding for my capture. So they put ropes around me, around my neck, my arms, and my legs. And for the first time since I escaped from… that place I realized I lost all my freedom once more."

Edelgard stares numbly ahead of her, her eyes glazed over, as if they aren’t registering what they are seeing.

“So, yes. That is why I turned myself into a monster. Not for victory, not for violence or destruction, but to die with a shred of my true self and dignity left in me. As illogical as that sounds”

Rhea finds it impossible to speak, to find words altogether. It would be so easy to believe the girl was lying, that she had gone mad and had simply been delusional in her fury and destruction. But Rhea had seen her on the battlefield herself, and even though she wasn't able to read Edelgard’s thoughts, the actions she described were accurate.

Edelgard buries her head in her arms again. “I just want to die, to be dead!” she wails, “I miss my siblings, I want to be with them. _Everything_ in the last seventeen years of my life has been for them and still I failed. I failed my family. They were _children_ Rhea! How could you?” she all but screams and looks up to glare into the eyes of the person who serves as the source of her hatred.

Surprised, Rhea feels taken aback, and immediately agitated for being falsely accused. Once again it baffles her how Edelgard could make her feel an amount of empathy for her Rhea refused to acknowledge, and with just a few more words she’d feel nothing but the desire to hurt and kill the wicked girl.

“You think I, the Archbishop, loved and recognized by all of Fodlan, could just _casually_ stroll into your childhood castle and slaughter a few royal children? Because, dear Edelgard, even if I could do that, I have no reason to do so. And I’m not sure I’d get away with it either."

In mere seconds Edelgard is on her feet again, cheeks red with anger, fists balled. “Not _you,_ you megalomaniac serpent”, she hisses, “Your lies, your _propaganda_ , your Church and its doctrine made all of that possible!”

“It wasn’t me. The Church would never kill imperial children, or any children for that matter. It must have been some other force, unrelated to the Church,” Rhea tries to explain, surprised at the hint of desperation apparent in her voice. 

“Yes," Edelgard breathes out, suddenly sounding anxious, "they call themselves Those who Slither in the Dark,” she says, voice much quieter, almost as if she was scared to say the name out loud.

Rhea goes pale and her blood runs cold. She knew that name. Had heard it so many times, but hadn’t heard of them anymore since somewhere long before Edelgard was even born. She’d been praying they had grown weak or had some of their own problems, or simply found another goal that didn’t involve Rhea and her family.

“Are you absolutely sure that’s what they call themselves?” She asks, suddenly very serious, fearing the answer.

Edelgard nodded. “They could shape shift, take over someone’s body. And they had uhm, things, I think they called them ‘machines’ that could do things no tool in Fodlan could do.” She pauses for a while and then, hesitantly adds, “after I was freed I was forced to work with them, or for them. They said they needed my help, my position as heir to the throne, to disable the very system that killed all my siblings and left me scarred for life. And you were the helm, creating and controlling that system,” Edelgard finishes, a hint of bitter determination in her voice.

As Edelgard looks at her with an accusing but slightly hurt gaze, Rhea suddenly becomes aware of a loud ringing in her ears. Her blood begins to boil in her veins

Did this idiot of the Empire genuinely fall for such lies so easily? Did she truly think that helping the people who supposedly killed her siblings overthrow the Church would be the solution? Was she even aware of how much damage she had caused? How much hurt she was responsible for? She had hurt Rhea alone enough to last a life time and yet the girl had the _nerve_ to make herself the victim? To blame it all on Rhea? Her vision was going blurry with anger or with tears, maybe both, she didn’t care.

“ _You worked with the very people who killed your family_?,” she snarls in anger. She meant to raise her voice, but not this much. It sounds ragged and uncontrolled.

“Only to avenge my family and to stop the system _you_ put in place that made such a thing possible to happen in the first place!” Edelgard retaliates in self-defense, although Rhea thinks she hears the girl's voice waver just a little bit. Maybe she wasn’t as confident about her actions as she thought she was.

Rhea feels her vision going white. She had to leave. Not just her brain but her whole body was boiling, she was afraid she might just assault the woman, still shackled to the wall, if she didn’t leave now, even though she would get a sick kind of enjoyment out of it.

“They… They,” she manages to get out before she turns around to head to the door. As she put her trembling hand on the door handle she sighs, calming herself just enough to speak but not enough to get rid of the anger-fueled tremble in her voice. “Those people you worked with…” she said, and takes another deep breath, “They were the people who killed, no, who _slaughtered_ my family, my _Mother!"_

She knew she shouldn’t spill such well-guarded secrets to her prisoner, but she was so angry and so tired of hiding it all and with a little luck Edelgard would be dead sooner than later. And dead men tell no tales.

But before she could open the door, Edelgard had to go out of her way to sweep the rug from under her feet one last time.

“You-..Your mother?”

Rhea freezes, hand still on the cool door handle.

“Rhea… you can’t mean… No, you mean it, don’t you? ...Sothis. You think the Goddess Sothis is your mother,” she states in the kind of tone that says she has just found a new loose thread sticking out of Rhea's very being and Edelgard is already determined to unravel all of it with brute force.

“Just… who are you? Or what? Rhea, what are you really?” Edelgard continues, and Rhea feels vaguely surprised and relieved there is no trace of malice the white haired woman’s voice, just open curiosity.

Still her brain is going numb with panic regardless.

Her knuckles were white with how hard she had been gripping the door handle. When she turns around to look at Edelgard she's met with a confused, yet highly intelligent woman who looked at her with a vulnerable curiosity, cogs visibly spinning inside her mind.

It makes her heart beat faster and abruptly she turns back around and opens the door.

“I don’t think Sothis is my Mother, no,” Rhea says as she steps outside.

Before she closes the door she turns around and meets Edelgard’s eyes one last moment.

“I know for sure that the Goddess is my Mother.”

She turns around and leaves, the heavy door falling in the lock behind her.


	3. Out of my sheer determination to spite you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having an obscene amount of fun writhing Rhea absolutely Seething at the very thought of Edelgard.

She needs to clear her head, she thinks to herself as she walks, _rushes_ , away from the dungeons, back into the upper floors. The upper floors with candles and drapes and the moonlight shining in through the high windows. And most of all, other people. People who aren’t Edelgard. Who didn’t think of her as an inhuman monster.

She needed to be alone. It was getting late anyway, so she could get away with retiring to her chambers for the evening.

But first she needed to talk to Seteth.

He wasn’t hard to find, he never was, really.

After spending a few moments aimlessly wandering the empty halls of the cathedral she finds him in the room with the statues of the four saints. He was no stranger to this place, and while he would always insist that he had a purpose to be there, to clean the statues or something along those lines, she knew being there made him feel close to a past they had to abandon a long time ago.

“Seteth,” she speaks softly, as to not to startle him from his thoughts too harshly.

He turns around and when he recognizes her he smiles.

“Good evening, Lady Rhea,” he speaks warmly, forgoing his usual bow as there was no one present but them. “What brings you here at this hour?”

She bites her lip, unsure of how to actually get to the point without revealing her slip up to her brother.

“I was with the prisoner,” she starts and immediately feels discouraged by his raised eyebrows.

“Bear with me for a moment, Seteth,” she sighs before continuing. “She was, as expected, very enraged and being very unreasonable.” Hearing this he raises his eyebrows even further, as if questioning why she would even spend time in the presence of the mad emperor willingly. She ignores it. “Anyway, in her rage, or perhaps simply her madness, she… slipped up.” She gives her brother a pointed look. _Surely you understand now how this was a good idea of me._

“Her lack of self-control had waned sufficiently for her to accidentally touch upon her past, information we did not previously know of.”

“Like what?” He responds, now having his full attention.

“She spoke of… siblings that perished when she was a child. She went as far as to hint they were held captive.”

He looks at her and she can see him dig into his memory, and to her relief, he finds something.

“Ah, she must have been referring to the Hresvelg sickness.”

She gives him a mildly confused look. “The what?”

He looks at her like she should really _know._ And she probably should, but she’s old and _so_ tired and there have been so many Hresvelgs over the years, so many offshoot branches and so many other families she was supposed to keep track of that she just really couldn’t bother anymore at some point sometime long ago.

“I’m not sure about the details either, to be honest,” he confesses, “but the children of the imperial family from that generation, her siblings, where once quite plentiful. I think there were about ten of them.”

She’s somewhat taken aback by such a large number, only to vaguely recall the men of the Hresvelg line had the tendency to have multiple consorts to ensure heirs. _Animals_.

“Anyway, all of them suddenly vanished from the public quite some years ago. There were rumors of kidnapping or some kind of dangerous birth defect passed on from their father.”

He looks at the ceiling as he tries to recall more, his memory too, hazy with age.

“Eventually, I think it was after about a year or so, she alone suddenly made a public appearance again, alongside her father. It was said she looked sickly, pale and weak.” He pauses for another moment. “I think that’s when her hair changed too.”

“Her hair?”

“It didn’t used to be white. She and her family members always had various shades of brown hair, if I recall correctly. I mean, I never saw her in person before she attended Garreg Mach, but I remember that being the story.”

“What about her siblings? Where they found?”

“Her father publicly announced his children had been infected with some kind of fatal sickness which had driven them to madness, and later death, one by one. They had been hidden from the public in an attempt to save them, to understand what ailed them, yet in the end it was only Edelgard who managed to survive.”

Rhea shifts her balance uncomfortable on her feet. If it had been anyone but Edelgard who had suffered from such an experience she would have wept for them.

“Tell me brother, are you aware of any, potentially fatal, human sickness that turns the hair of people inexplicably white?”

He laughs wryly. “No, unless you mean old age. Which I’m quite sure wasn’t the cause.”

He suddenly turns serious again. “I think I recall something else. A rumor. There was some kind of rumor that Crests were involved, though that’s as far as my memory goes.”

 _Of course_ , Rhea thinks, it’s always the Crests. No matter what problem befalls humanity, they always manage to somehow involve their Crests. War, family feuds, greed, madness. Always the damnable Crests they try to abuse.

“Could you look into this for me please? I feel that whatever she is hiding is part of something larger, something that could trouble us.” She pointedly decides to _not_ tell her brother that Edelgard explicitly mentioned Those who Slither by name, since she knows he’d be halfway into making a plan to hide both himself and Flayn from the public for at least the next two decades if he so much as hears of their involvement, before she could find out more.

“Of course, anything to strip the mad Emperor of whatever credibility she has left.” He says and smiles wearily, once again reminding Rhea how much suffering the girl caused her family.

She returns his smile, and makes it a point to not recall any of the hurt looks Edelgard had given her earlier, or her tears.

“Thank you brother, now if you will excuse me, I’m quite tired from having to deal with her for so long.”

He grins and nods in understanding. After wishing him a good night she heads straight for her chambers. It’s a relief when the heavy wooden door falls into the frame, and she feels a burden fall from her shoulders as she locks the door from inside.

She feels lighter already as she moves over to her wardrobe. As she takes of her ornaments and puts them away she feels her rigid role as the Archbishop fade along with them. She can't get herself to truly relax once she’s in her nightgown and curls herself into the soft bed sheets.

She’s so tired.

Yet, of course the sleep won’t come.

She’s never been a good sleeper but now there’s just so many thoughts, accompanied by emotions, swirling through her head. Inevitably she finds her thoughts drifting to Edelgard.

The woman just makes her so _incredibly_ angry.

She feels her body tense at the mere thought and has to make herself take deep breaths to calm down again.

The mad Emperor has hurt her on such a deep level. Waging war against her and her kind, trampling over the legacy of her Mother, and absolutely reveling in the act of doing so.

She’s never met someone so beyond redemption, so unworthy of salvation as Edelgard.

And yet the girl has the _nerve_ to kneel in front of her and say such sacred words, _her own words,_ with such utter conviction and devotion it makes some of her most loyal followers’ belief in her pale in comparison.

Despicable, _vile_ woman.

How dare she make a mockery out of her Church even when she has been defeated. Why doesn’t she know when to simply _give up?_

She wonders what Edelgard’s supporters would have thought had they seen her kneel like that before the Archbishop.

Perhaps there is a way she can use this against the madwoman. If she could somehow force her to repeat the action for a crowd, for all of Fodlan to see, preferably right before she’s being executed. Surely whatever support she has left would be killed alongside the former Emperor.

Her heart races as she imagines making the girl publicly submit to her, to humiliate her in her final moments.

She abruptly halts her own thoughts.

These are _not_ the kind of thoughts appropriate for a virtuous, forgiving and kind Archbishop.

Which she knows, deep down, she really isn’t. Never really was. But she has to be regardless, or pretend, at least. Even to herself.

She groans and turns to bury her head in her pillow, in a vain attempt to calm herself once more.

She should feel nothing but pity for the woman, not this useless desire for any form of revenge she could possibly get.

But Edelgard just makes her so _angry._

* * *

Sleep comes for Rhea at the break of dawn and she thinks she manages to get a whole two hours of rest when it’s time for her to rise again.

She drags herself out of bed, already angry, while silently cursing her prisoner for her lack of sleep.

The day is long and dreadful but she’s long mastered the art of keeping up her act of serenity and kindness even if she’s feeling anything but. She smiles at her followers, chats pleasantly with the people coming to greet her and manages to survive the numerous meetings she has that day with grace.

Even Seteth and Flayn don’t notice how tired and annoyed she is and she both prides herself for her mental strength and bitterly realizes once more how lonely she truly is.

Especially, she thinks -and she finds herself getting angry again- Edelgard would have noticed.

The girl could catch Rhea blink at an unusual pace and she’d have a field day picking her apart until Rhea spills all her secrets to her.

When she’s finally alone and in bed that evening she catches herself making up excuses to visit her prisoner, to make her aware of just how much annoyance she caused Rhea today.

She’s well aware that Edelgard would see right through any excuses she makes up and would absolutely destroy Rhea’s attempt to make her feel bad about her actions, however. She’d probably manage to turn the tables and make Rhea feel bad instead.

So she doesn’t visit. Not until she has a proper reason to do so.

Her salvation, her reason to visit, comes two days later in the form of Seteth who has finally managed to do his job.

She chides herself for her annoyance with her brother, it’s not his fault she’s this short of temper, nor is it his fault he took so long to get information.

(It’s Edelgard’s fault, she tells herself. Somehow it must be.)

“I’ve found some… unsettling information, Rhea,” he starts once they are alone and away from prying ears.

“Do tell me,” she responds lightly, making an effort to hide how badly she wants to know.

“It’s... well it’s bad,” he says, “a lot of the people who were rumored to be involved… well, they are now either missing, dead or have betrayed the Church.”

“Oh,” Rhea responds uselessly, not entirely sure what the implications of this are.

“Yes, and not only that, the people involved, some of them have been suspected of Crest experimentation.”

Well, that is worrisome. Crest experimentation is one of the most illegal, most forbidden crimes there are. She outlawed this herself for a good reason.

“I’m ashamed to have never noticed this, I could argue that I simply never made the connection as it all happened afterwards but a lot of the people who have given us trouble over the years, including her, can be traced back to that accident.”

“Do you think they used her for Crest experimentation?” She asks, dreading the answer.

“I think that’s a likely possibility, yes. They might have amplified her Crest or something, though I’m not entirely sure what role her siblings played in this.” He looks at her, suddenly unsettled. “Do you… do you think she murdered her own siblings?” he asks quietly, clearly unsettled by the idea.

Rhea manages to catch herself sighing in annoyance at her brother’s feeble grasp of just how humans work.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Seteth,”she snaps. “The girl couldn't have been more than what, twelve at most? Even if they did amplify her Crest I fail to see why she would do this or what the purpose of it could be.”

“She was nine,” he corrects her. “Although as she disappeared for almost a year she had turned ten when she reappeared.”

Rhea finds herself unable to ignore the way it feels like her heart is stabbed when she imagines a very young Edelgard celebrating her tenth birthday in some kind of dungeon with her dying siblings.

She finds little comfort in the possibility that Edelgard might have been deprived of the passage of time long enough to even know when her tenth birthday was to begin with.

“Maybe it was some kind of accident,” she says, trying to shake of her feelings. “Maybe her Crest powers malfunctioned and she accidentally killed her siblings.”

He nods in agreement. “Or they used her siblings as some kind of conductor to empower her.”

Rhea finds the implications of this so utterly disgusting she can’t quite suppress a shiver.

“Should I go talk to her?” she asks and curses herself for sounding almost hopeful. Of course her brother fails to notice this too.

“I don’t see the point,” he scoffs. “She wouldn’t tell you anything. And soon we’ll be rid of her anyway.”

“Which is even more of a reason for me to try and get the information out of her,” she argues, _insists_. “Before it’s too late and we lose the opportunity forever. We might get a lead on others who wish us harm.”

“I…I suppose you have a point,” he says reluctantly, and Rhea feels somewhat victorious. “Just… just be careful alright?” he adds concernedly. “She’s dangerous. Even without any powers, even when she’s defeated, she’s still dangerous. She still has her words.”

It’s probably for the best Rhea doesn’t tell him just how dangerous the girl really is to her. How much she’s already slipped up and how easily she loses her temper in her presence. He’d never let her go if he knew.

“Of course, dear brother,” she says easily and smiles, only slightly hurt he doesn’t see through her, doesn’t see she isn’t as strong as she wants to be. “I can handle her.”

* * *

She makes her way into the lower levels of Garreg Mach sometime later, pleasantly greeting the guards standing at the entrance of the large maze of dungeons with her usual politeness. There are no other guards further into the halls, as this is the only exit.

As she walks through the dimly lit hall towards her destination she muses she’s perhaps being a little too confident. But it doesn’t matter, she has the upper hand, has information she can use against the madwoman.

When she unlocks the heavy door she’s greeted with the sight of Edelgard sitting on her bed, curled up as she leans against the wall with her side, huddled in her thin blanket. The girl meets her eyes, looking unsurprised at her unexpected visitor, having most likely long heard Rhea’s footsteps before she arrived at her cell door.

It doesn’t matter, Rhea still has the upper hand.

However, just as she’s about to open her mouth to question Edelgard about her family the woman suddenly and quite dramatically jumps up from her position on the bed and bows deeply, exaggeratedly, one hand splayed over her chest, the other behind her back.

“My lady,” she says, still bowing, “You grace me with your presence.”

It’s some kind of trap, Rhea knows, and she’s not sure she wants to walk into it.

But she’s too curious, so she does so anyway.

She sighs in annoyance.

“You can ‘my lady’ me all you want but I do not believe for a single second you have any shred of respect for me, dear.”

At this Edelgard looks up to meet her eyes, and there’s this glint in her eyes that makes Rhea suddenly very uncomfortable.

“That’s true, I didn’t respect _you,_ however that was before I knew how _holy_ you truly are," she says with an air of drama around her.

“Enlighten me as to how you came to mend your ways, so I can use the knowledge to help what little remaining followers you have left see the light as well.”

“I don’t respect impostor Archbishops who spread lies to control the populace no, but I do however, respect true divinity my lady,” she says and this downright _wicked_ smirk spreads across her face.

“Lady _Seiros,”_ she adds nonchalantly.

Rhea feels the color drain from her face along with her confidence.

She cannot possibly know.

She _can’t._

Goddess, her family. Did Rhea really endanger them all with slipping up last time? What should she do? Kill Edelgard right here after all and destroy this before it can take root? No, she needs her death to be public, to sway the people in her favor. She considers that Edelgard doesn’t have proof, and no one would believe her if she did, regardless. In fact, Edelgard has so little proof she’s most likely guessing, or just trying to rile Rhea up some more. There’s a good chance she merely took what little Rhea revealed and ran with it.

She decides to take the risk and go with that.

“You’ve had nearly three whole days to think and this is the best you could come up with? Frankly, I’m disappointed.”

Much to her satisfaction, Edelgard looks mildly offended. “You should hear my other theories then, some of them would really stroke your ego.”

“Spare me, please.”

Edelgard shrugs.“ Your loss. But no, I don’t believe you could possibly be as divine as Saint Seiros, you have too many issues for that,” she says dismissively and Rhea has to make an effort to not show the relief she feels on her face, she doesn’t even mind the insult this time.

_If only you knew._

“But I do believe I’m onto _something._ ”

“That’s nice for you, but I’m afraid must disappoint, I’m rather mundane, really,” Rhea says dismissively.

“So if you consider Sothis your mother,” the Emperor persists, ignoring her words and clearly not planning on letting this go, “who is your father? I’ve never heard of a God before. Do you even have a father to begin with? How were you born, or uh… made?” Edelgard proceeds relentlessly, trying to pick her apart with her insatiable curiosity.

“I manifested from the ether out of sheer determination to spread lies about the Goddess across all of Fodlan,” Rhea responds dryly in an attempt to answer the barrage of questions with a single all-omitting lie, “And also just to spite you," she adds casually

She also does in fact, not have a father, no. But Edelgard doesn’t need to know that.

To her surprise, Edelgard begins to laugh, mirthfully so. It’s more melodious and gentle than Rhea could have thought possible from this heretic and it’s a discomforting thing to discover.

“Careful now,” Edelgard says after she gathers her bearing, still smiling, “I’ve heard the Archbishop around here is very strict, you could get arrested if she hears you say things like that, you know,” she adds almost playfully.

This time it’s Rhea who can’t quite suppress a chuckle herself. “You would be one to know,” she responds amusedly.

The gentle smile she receives is one that says the owner is almost at peace with this fact.

“Indeed I would,” is her soft response.

All of a sudden Rhea finds herself incredibly uncomfortable with the frankly amicable atmosphere in the room. It’s all wrong and not how it’s supposed to be at all. It’s suffocating and she’s afraid of it. It makes something stir in her that she desperately needs to kill.

So she does the only things she can think of.

She shatters whatever short-lived illusion this was.

“Actually, seeing as you are suddenly so _deeply_ invested in my family, I actually have some questions about yours as well,” she says, remembering her original reason to visit, forcing her voice to sound as can get it to be.

Edelgard immediately falters in her confidence, her relaxed expression completely gone. “That’s none of your business,” she scoffs.

“Oh, but it is. And you know very well why. All those people who were involved in your little… accident, they too were involved in trying to make me fall from grace, they too wanted to bring down the Church. So yes, it’s very much my business, I want to know more about these people, as they are apparently exactly as vile as you,”

“They are _nothing_ like me!” Edelgard snarls all of a sudden, “You have _no right!”_

It surprises Rhea how easily she got to the girl, and she revels in it.

“Then tell me about them.”

“…No.”

“Then I’m just going to assume,” she taunts.

Edelgard doesn’t respond to her bait, just glares at her, so she continues.

“So you have all these scars, right?” she begins and watches Edelgard freeze and instinctively tug down the edge of one of her sleeves. “Don’t bother hiding it, girl, I saw them on your legs.”

She receives another glare, but the girl cannot quite hide the deep sense of fear she’s clearly feeling as well.

“You and your siblings were gone for about a year, yet only you emerged alive, with white hair and covered in scars, none of which look like they are from battle.”

“….Shut up.”

“You were held captive, then.” She concludes cruelly. “And these people... well, they were notorious for their interest in the strictly forbidden act of Crest experimentation.”

“ _Shut up!”_

 _No_ , Rhea thinks, _this is revenge for all the hurt you caused me_. It’s not even comparable, really.

“You were experimented on, you and your siblings” she continues on without mercy. “Tell me, did you watch them die? Was it one by one or did they all die at once? Were they used as a sacrifice to grant you power?” she taunts cruelly.

Edelgard has gone completely white at this point, her eyes unfocused and riddled with terror, and she looks like she might just collapse, her knees trembling slightly under her weight. Rhea wonders if she’s even still capable of hearing what she’s saying.

“Was it worth it? Their lives for your power? Did you _enjoy_ it?”

She knows she went too far. She knew it halfway through her vengeful rant already but couldn’t quite get herself to stop.

It is simply Edelgard’s fault, once more. She just brings out the worst in Rhea.

She hears the younger woman scream wordlessly, almost feral, as she lunges at her, nearly tripping over the restrictive chains around her ankles as she does so.

The girl is way too clumsy because of them and her movements are too sluggish and weak, giving Rhea ample time to react. She grabs the girl’s hands midair and when she continues to struggle, easily grabs her shoulders instead and turns to slam her into the nearest wall.

Edelgard gasps in pain at the impact yet doesn’t relent in the slightest and struggles in vain to try and attack her. She’s blinded by rage and hurt and unable to form any coherent thoughts, let alone words, as she screams at the Archbishop. She's really weak and it hardly takes an effort to keep her under control. It’s evident Edelgard can’t win this, that she already lost, but she’s beyond caring or realizing so she keeps trying to kick and claw and won't relent in the slightest.

It isn’t until Rhea pins both her wrists against the wall behind her and presses her lower body against the enraged woman, keeping her in place and lets her struggle fruitlessly for long enough that she exhausts herself and loses some of her rage. It doesn't take long until her anger subsides enough to have her find her voice again.

“I _hate_ you!” she growls, screams, as her eyes are burning with nothing but fury.

“I know, dear” Rhea says sweetly, “and that’s just exactly what I _love_ so much about you.”

At this point, Edelgard seems to remember that she has, in fact, legs. Legs that she can still very much use.

She immediately makes use of this knowledge and knees Rhea in the groin with enough force that Rhea stumbles backwards slightly and she instinctively lets go of her captive’s wrists to steady herself in order to refrain from losing balance.

Before Edelgard can make use of her newfound freedom and retaliate, however, Rhea is quick enough to regain her bearings and the next moment both her hands are on the other woman’s throat.

Somewhere in the back of her head she chides herself for going for the throat, as Edelgard now still has her hands free and will surely give her more trouble.

Yet Edelgard merely raises her arms in surprise, flexes her hands into fists momentarily, as if she can’t quite suppress the need to protect herself, and then promptly lets her arms fall back down to her sides.

She meets Rhea’s eyes and Rhea watches in fascination as she sees the girl’s expression slowly change from barely controlled rage to something much more muted and open, yet equally strong.

“…Do it,” she whispers, her voice slightly hoarse from the pressure on her throat.

All at once Rhea is conflicted. There’s suddenly so many feelings and thoughts and _fantasies_ running through her brain that she will _not_ let herself dwell on, will not even acknowledge, because that’s not the kind of person who she is. Or who she is supposed to be, at least.

Yet her fingers twitch around the mad Emperor’s throat.

She’s suddenly very aware she can feel the girl’s pulse throb against her fingers, and it’s _racing_.

“We both know I can get much more use out of your death if it’s done it publicly, _officially..._ as tempting as your offer may be.”

“I’m flattered, but alright then don’t kill me.”

Edelgard gets an odd look in her eyes, seems to consider something, and all of a sudden her expression seems hazy, almost soft.

“…But do it, anyway.”

It takes Rhea a moment to comprehend what she’s suggesting, and when she does she can do nothing but stare at the girl.

_What?_

She needs to respond, and needs to do it quickly because if she continues to stare like this she’ll surely look weak.

“You’re _sick,”_ she hisses accusingly, trying hard to ignore her very unhelpful brain supplying her with very unnecessary thoughts. She never was this cruel, was she?

“Yes,” Edelgard simply says, without a hint of shame. “But so are you.”

“I am _nothing_ like you,” Rhea snaps at her.

“Yet your hands are still around my throat, Archbishop,” the white haired woman points out almost gently and Rhea realizes she’s losing yet another battle against Edelgard.

 _Remove them! a_ part of her brain screams at her.

She doesn’t.

She can’t get herself to do it. To do the normal thing and walk away. She finds doesn’t want to lose the warmth she’s feeling by being so close to the other woman, doesn’t want to get rid of the addicting lightheadedness that’s making it hard to think coherently. And most of all she doesn’t want to stop feeling the racing heartbeat against her fingers.

“Why is it that you are like this? she growls, desperate to give herself the opening she needs to stop this as she’s aware she’s quickly losing her temper, or maybe just her self-control.

“Everything that I am is because of _you,”_ Edelgard responds back with equal fury in another act of defiance. "So burn with me."

Rhea wonders if Edelgard is referring to the numerous things in her short life that she insists on wrongly blaming the Archbishop for, or that she means that she too is being so heavily affected by this… whatever this is.

She finds herself hoping it’s the latter.

At this point her brain has completely short-circuited and surely the connection between her brain and body must be severed as well because she’s suddenly aware her hands have tightened around the emperor’s throat on their own accord.

Edelgard immediately tries to gasp for air and her eyes widen in fear but the grip around her throat is just tight enough that no air can enter her lungs. Her arms shoot up in reflex and Rhea knows for sure she’ll try to tear the hands on her off of her and once she does she will add this trespassing to Rhea’s numerous pile of crimes.

And she’d actually be guilty of this one.

Yet Edelgard’s hands merely flail around for just a moment as she fights to overcome her natural instincts to survive and, when she manages, they still in the air. She lets one fall down to her side once more, and the other comes to rest gently on one of Rhea’s wrists.

Rhea can do nothing but watch in utter fascination as Edelgard’s eyes grow hazy and unfocused, yet still very much conscious, and feels the girl’s body go soft in her grip, coming to rest heavily against Rhea’s own for support as she simply lets go and relaxes completely.

All of a sudden Edelgard seems… not quite there. Her eyes are unfocused and staring at nothing, as if she’s lost somewhere deep within her own mind yet seems oddly peaceful about it.

It’s mesmerizing to behold.

Rhea feels her last coherent thought about how wrong this is evaporate from her mind when Edelgard begins to gently caress her wrist with her thumb, drawing soft circles across her skin, almost as if she’s encouraging her to keep going on.

The touch sends a searing heat from her wrist throughout the rest of her body and she finds herself increase her grip ever so slightly, tracing the girls pulse with one of her thumbs.

The younger woman notices the increase in pressure around her neck and it’s just enough to bring her back somewhat and focus her gaze on Rhea.

And then she faintly _smiles._

Rhea feels her heart stop.

Edelgard continues to make an effort to keep their eye contact, keeping herself just present enough to let Rhea in on whatever it is she’s feeling, as if she wants to expose herself so utterly and completely to Rhea as she willingly submits to her.

It drives Rhea into a frenzy. Seeing Edelgard like this is just so morbidly beautiful. This madwoman who always needed to be in complete control of everything around her is simply relaxing as her very life is in someone else’s hands, _her hands,_ and she’s so easily subduing her instinctive need to fight and survive that Rhea finds herself in awe of her mental strength.

No wonder she was such a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, if she can control her feelings this easily.

When Edelgard seems to slip away into her own mind once again Rhea cannot help but whisper a soft, “stay with me,” at which the Emperor regains some resemblance of focus and nods weakly.

She watches, and forgets to breathe, as the woman in her grip slowly grows weaker, clearly getting lightheaded from the lack of oxygen in her brain while she continues to persist.

Eventually though, after both an unbearably long time and not nearly long enough, the Emperor's body refuses to submit to her mind any longer and takes over, desperate to _live_.

She starts to tremble and the fingers around Rhea’s wrist dig their nails deep into her skin out of desperation. She gasps for air uncontrollably as her eyes widen and panic begins to bleed into her features.

Only barely aware that she still has thoughts, Rhea finds herself thinking how nice it would be to kiss her right now, to feel Edelgard gasp for air against her lips, denying her what she so desperately needs once more.

She completely forgets the thought however, when the other woman starts to visibly weaken in her grasp at an alarming rate, eyes growing dull as she rapidly begins losing consciousness.

Immediately Rhea retrieves her hands, and for one long, antagonizing moment there is no sign of life in the woman’s body, no light in her eyes, and Rhea finds herself overcome with a crippling fear that she has gone too far.

Then, thank the Goddess, Edelgard grasps for air once more, her lungs finally taking in the air her body so desperately needed with greed. Her eyes regain their focus as she weakly stumbles forward and, likely only barely aware, buries herself in Rhea’s chest. She feels hands weakly grasp at her robes as Edelgard clings to her with need, still breathing heavily.

And then she begins to cry.

She’s suddenly sobbing hard into the fabric of Rhea's clothing, her shoulders heaving as she makes strangled noises. She still hasn’t caught her breath enough to breathe normally and the sudden uncontrollable crying is only making things worse. She starts to cough as she begins panicking, her breathing quick, labored and uneven, interrupted by more sobbing she cannot suppress as she wordlessly gasps for air in between coughing fits. She might just really suffocate at this rate, Rhea realizes with a start.

She wraps her arms gently around the girl, suddenly aware of just how very small she really is.

“Shhh,” she whispers soothingly, hoping to calm her. “Listen to me, take deep breaths. It’s alright, just focus on my voice and nothing else,” she continues softly and deliberately begins to draw slow circles on the woman’s back with her fingers. “It’s alright, you’re alright. I’m here.”

She repeats the words for a long time.

It works. She gently helps the other woman through her panic attack, never stopping to caress her back throughout it.

Slowly but surely Edelgard’s breathing slows down to a normal pace and her crying subsides into quiet and muffled sounds.

She’s not quite sure how much time has passed, or exactly how it happened, but she becomes aware they’re now both sitting on the floor of the prison, Edelgard half on her lap and still tightly wrapped in Rhea’s arms as she’s hiding her face in Rhea’s shoulder. The younger woman has stopped crying and seems almost relaxed again as she lets herself be held.

Rhea finds herself wishing this moment could last.

It doesn’t, however.

“I’m just so _tired_ of it all,” Edelgard murmurs into her shoulder numbly.

“I know,” Rhea responds and refuses to do or say anything to comfort the woman, despite her sudden and intense urge to do so.

“I just want it all to be over, I want it to end,” Edelgard continues softly, without a hint of fear or anger in her voice.

“I know,” Rhea repeats hollowly, unable to say anything else. “And soon it will be.”

Her heart suddenly hurts and hammers painfully in her chest. It feels like she’s falling and it’s too late to do anything to do about it, despite the fact she used to have _wings,_ she used to be able to fly. But something has been set in motion that she cannot stop, shouldn’t even want to stop in the first place.

The almost content sigh against her shoulder does nothing to comfort her.

* * *

She’s barely aware of her surroundings as she makes her way out of the dungeons, stuck in a daze, back into the world of the living. She only notices where she is when she feels the sunlight on her skin and it’s such an immense relief to feel the warmth.

She vaguely recalls carrying Edelgard to her bed and watching her as she curled herself into the blanket, too exhausted from everything to say anything. She left without saying anything herself, only looking into the other woman’s eyes a moment too long before fleeing gracelessly.

She locks herself into her room and all but drags herself to her desk, nearly collapsing on the wooden chair. She realizes that she, too, is exhausted. Putting her elbows on the desk in front of her, she leans her head heavily onto her hands.

She messed up, badly.

A plethora of thoughts and feelings swirl through her head, attacking her mind relentlessly. Weakly, she tries to force them into some sort of cohesion as she replays the events in her head.

There is the familiar anger and hatred she has grown so used to, but after that there’s a feeling of shame unfamiliar to her as she had, true to Edelgard’s accusations, indeed gotten some sick kind of enjoyment out of nearly strangling the woman to death.

She sighs.

She could lie to herself and pretend it was merely the satisfaction of getting the revenge she craves.

But she knows that she’s not that simple of a person.

She cannot quite deny how… close she had felt to the other woman, how much she enjoyed feeling the girl tracing circles on her wrist as she was so very weak in her grasp, how good it felt to have her willingly submit to her, and how she let Rhea be in control of her, how tender Rhea had felt as she looked into those unfocused eyes.

How much she indeed wishes she had kissed her, right then.

She freezes.

Tries to purge the very idea from her mind.

Maybe it won’t be real then.

But it’s too late. The thought burns into her brain like fire, etching mercilessly into every cell of her being.

She feels something deep inside her squirm pleasantly at the thought, to her utter horror.

No.

_Please no._

It cannot be. She cannot let this happen.

She buries her face deep into her hands and groans, wishing her mother was right here to just completely erase her from existence alltogether.

But she doesn’t get that kind of mercy.

Instead a single thought repeats in her mind.

_She’s attracted to Edelgard._

She’s attracted to the very woman who burned down half of Fodlan on her conquest to destroy Rhea herself.

The realization settles in her alongside a sense of icy dread she cannot shake.

She doesn’t get any sleep that night, again.

In fact, she doesn’t even go near her bed the entire night, opting to fruitlessly pace across her chambers instead, or torture herself by sitting outside on her balcony as she shivers because of how cold she is in the outside air.

But at least the cold takes away her thoughts from her prisoner just enough so that she can breathe.

And she’s, once again, so tired, but absolutely will not touch her bed.

Because she knows, _knows_ that the second she lets her mind rest it will immediately dwell towards thoughts she really cannot let herself entertain. That is not someone who she can allow herself to be.

So Rhea suffers in silence throughout the night.

And, once again, it’s all Edelgard’s fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhea just wants to be noticed, uwu.
> 
> My headcanon is, btw, that while Rhea and her family genuinely care and love humanity as a whole, if partially out a sense of responsibility to her mother's legacy, they care much less for individual people. As there have simply been too many and they're really old. Hence their almost cruel indifference to Edelgard's imprisonment.


	4. To control and guide

It takes her, and Rhea prides herself for this feat, a whole day and a half before she gives in to herself and finds herself walking down into the depths of dungeons once more.

Seteth has blessed her with another excuse. Although it’s not really that good of an excuse, she'll admit. She really just wants to talk to Edelgard some more.

If only to reaffirm to herself she does still hate the girl.

Because Edelgard hates her too and maybe Rhea can mess her up enough to get her to lose her temper and yell enough insults at Rhea that they’ll smother this useless attraction she has for the girl.

Because of course Rhea would get attracted to the very idea of being hated, if only so she can feel just a little more self-righteous and stroke her own ego for her _boundless_ ability to forgive even those who aren’t worthy of her forgiveness.

Regardless, Seteth reminded her of the girl’s upcoming execution and after working out some of the details, they came up with a plan.

They called in most of the higher officials present at Garreg Mach for a meeting, and even wrote the details of their plan to King Dimitri and King Claude, sure they’d approve. It’s, after all, both a very effective plan to weaken the enemies of Fodlan and also one that’s more merciful to Edelgard herself. At least it paints her less as the tyrannical monster the general populace has come to see her as, and slightly more… human.

They’re going to use her death as a weapon against Those who Slither.

Instead of having the people see Edelgard as the bloodthirsty instigator of the war that ravaged across Fodlan, they’ll be swayed to see her as a victim of the Slithers’ cruelty behind the shadows, abused, tortured and manipulated into being their public puppet.

And she played that role so very beautifully right until the end.

Tragic, really.

She’ll die with an aura of piety clung to her, misguided and lost. And the Archbishop, in all her unrelenting kindness and mercy, will forgive and cleanse her of her sins. In death, at least.

Rhea smiles to herself.

Edelgard will hate it. That’s the best part.

And, she feels, it also has the added benefit of making the people aware of the threat lurking in the shadows, turning them against the Slithers’ and hopefully forcing them to live underground and lick their wounds for the next couple of centuries.

Until the people forget. Because eventually humanity always forgets about their own past. In the end they never remember who they once were.

Their discoveries, their creations, their heroic deeds and fatal mistakes. They forget it all, if one waits long enough.

They’ll even forget all about Edelgard and everything which she fought for, at some point. Rhea wonders if that prospect feels like bliss or anguish to the girl.

She shakes the thought.

That’s her excuse to visit. She’s going to rub into Edelgard’s face how she will be the unwilling, pathetic pawn Rhea will use to destroy the allies she worked with.

An she supposes it would be appropriate to inform her when and how her execution will take place while she is there.

So, once again, she’s feeling pretty confident and good about herself when she arrives at her prisoner’s cell.

Which she knows is probably not very smart of her. But it doesn’t matter. She has sufficiently suppressed the whole attraction thing deep into the dark catacombs of her mind and instead filled the more… brighter parts of her mind with glee (no, _justice,_ she corrects herself) about her new plan.

When she creaks open the door and enters the prison she finds the former Emperor sitting on the far corner of her bed, huddled in her blanket once again. Her knees are drawn up to her chest and her arms are wrapped tightly around them. She turns her head to greet Rhea in silence, her expression almost dull, maybe even lonely.

Rhea would consider it suspicious the girl seems to like making herself seem as small as possible and hide away in a corner, wrapped in her blanket almost as if she wants to look inconspicuous and harmless. She was always such a large and imposing presence on the battlefield, impossible to ignore, that it’s hard to imagine her willingly look this powerless.

But it occurs to Rhea she has no other way to comfort herself and there is no point anymore in making an effort to make her seem larger than she really is, anyway.

As Rhea looks at her in this oddly vulnerable state she would describe her as looking small and harmless, someone who couldn’t possibly raise a weapon against her.

She almost finds herself falling for it.

…Right up until moment the look in the girl’s eyes shifts to tell Rhea exactly that she is absolutely about to try and rip her to pieces once more.

Why does this insufferable girl insists on being so _damn_ defiant all the time? Surely it must be exhausting for her too.

It dawns on Rhea there is not a single trace of the vulnerability or tears left she showed last time. No sign of how utterly broken and exhausted she was in the end. She’s completely in control of herself again.

“Back for more?” Edelgard prompts tauntingly when Rhea takes too long to speak up and take the lead.

Because she was _staring._

She mentally slaps herself because she needs to get it together. _Edelgard_ has it together, she reminds herself, so she should too.

She sighs.

“No, dear prisoner.”

_Although I’d like that._

She mentally slaps herself again, harder this time. Hoping to perish the thought.

She stands up a little straighter, forces a pleasant smile on her face and takes a few small steps into the prison cell.

“Ahem… I’m here for official reasons, actually.”

She’s _not_.

She should be.

“As opposed to the _personal_ reasons you were here before, then?” Edelgard quips mercilessly and Rhea once again hates herself for giving the girl all these openings to get to her.

Although, and she loathes to admit it, Edelgard is just so _good_ at finding openings in her defenses. Rhea thinks it might be impossible for herself to say a single word without the girl immediately finding a way to use it as a weapon and pierce straight through her with it.

“Nothing between you and me is ever personal, dear. I do not care about you enough to see you as a person.”

If Edelgard is hurt she doesn’t show it. In fact, if anything she seems more pleased by Rhea’s insult.

“Really?” She asks, sounding like she’s not buying it at all. It’s unnerving because she’s in all likelihood going somewhere with this and Rhea has _no clue_ what it might be.

“Yes, really,” she says anyway.

At her confirmation Edelgard suddenly shifts her position on her bed, letting the blankets fall from her body and moves to sit on the side of her bed, legs dangling casually over the edge, chain following her ankles and falling to the ground with a metallic thud.

In a single smooth motion she uses one hand to scoop up her long hair that had been pooling over her shoulders and onto her chest and let’s it fall behind her back instead, and with the other had she tugs down the hem of her dress just slightly enough to bare her throat.

And Rhea forgets to breathe when she sees them.

Deep purple marks and lines ghost around her throat and one only has to look for a moment to notice the distinct shape of fingertips.

_Bruises._

Edelgard casually points at them.

“So you’re telling me, then, that these,” she says, gently dragging her fingers across them, “weren’t personal either?”

Edelgard all but smirks when she catches how Rhea freezes.

Because Rhea is _not_ ready to touch upon this subject. Not with Edelgard, not with anyone, and least of all not with _herself_.

She’s unable to even acknowledge the very act to herself, at this point. Having opted for sweet, sweet denial. 

Until now.

Of course Edelgard would cruelly force her to face the facts. The visible consequences of her own actions are right there to throw at her.

“I…” she starts and finds herself unable to say anything more. Because she can’t find the words, or even acknowledge the thoughts she needs to make sense of this. And even if she could find words she wouldn’t be able to say them out loud.

She just _can’t_ consciously enter these kind of recesses of her mind and acknowledge whatever it is that lives there.

“I…u-uhm, I…” she tries again, stuttering for what she realizes might genuinely might be the first time in a century.

But it’s useless, she can’t talk about this.

Edelgard is visibly taking great pleasure in watching the Archbishop shatter into pieces in front of her. There is a slightly unhinged smile plastered on her face as she looks at Rhea with such intensity that it makes everything just more difficult.

Rhea is stuck somewhere in-between slowly trying to step back and _get_ _away,_ to flee in shame, and being paralyzed by what is clearly the start of a rapidly increasing panic attack.

Yet before she can succumb to either one of them, Edelgard seems to take pity on her suffering.

Her smile softens somewhat and she suddenly, _mercifully,_ turns her gaze away from Rhea’s own, opting instead to stare at the wall in front of her.

“It’s okay,” she says and Rhea catches the gentle tone hidden deep within her voice. “I… I didn’t mind.”

She proceeds to gently caress and prod the bruises tracing alongside her throat, wincing slightly when she purposely digs in a finger just a little too hard.

Rhea feels herself shiver at the act, another thing she does not want to acknowledge. But it does help her ground herself somewhat, if only because she’s so focused on Edelgard she can forget about herself just a little.

Edelgard looks up to meet her own eyes once more, and she looks just a tad open, vulnerable even. Rhea watches with curiosity as the girl blushes slightly and promptly looks away again.

“I really liked it, actually…” she all but whispers, staring very intently at the wall in front of her. “I find myself wishing you would do it again.”

It is all too much for Rhea to handle, and she cannot fathom the possibility that Edelgard is saying this for any other reason than to hurt her, even though there is not a single hint of malice in her voice or features.

“Why must you always be so needlessly cruel to me,” Rhea snaps at her, trying hard to ignore how it was she herself who nearly lost control and cruelly enjoyed almost killing the younger woman the other day.

To her surprise Edelgard laughs wistfully.

“I’m not being cruel, Rhea. I’m being kind. Or rather, I’m trying to be. It’s never really been my strength, I’ll admit.”

“Which part of this is _kindness,_ girl?” Rhea retorts, suddenly uncomfortably aware she’s more or less openly admitting how deeply Edelgard is affecting her with her words.

Edelgard turns to look at Rhea again, once more fully in control of her expression and voice, and Rhea both hates and envies her for her amount of self-control.

“Look,” she starts. “I know that on the battlefield I am indeed cruel and merciless. And, yes, to some extent, I enjoy that. … And I’d enjoy it a lot more if I’d actually let myself but that’s another story,” she says and sighs. Rhea doesn’t interrupt her but really finds herself wishing to hear that story as well.

“What I’m trying to say is, I think, is that this isn’t the battlefield.” Edelgard continues, trying to choose her words carefully as she goes on. “…Or maybe, it is simply some other kind of battlefield.”

Rhea nods numbly in agreement. It is.

“Anyway, what I mean is that I don’t want to be unnecessarily cruel to you, not in this way at least. It’s true that I want to anger and hurt you with every fiber of my being, yes. And I also know that you did this to me because you hate me.”

She falters for a moment, trying to find the words to explain.

“…And I know exactly how _good_ it feels to hurt someone you hate as much as you hate me, how righteous and _just_ it feels, how it feels like it’s never quite enough. As if the hate you feel for them justifies any crime you could commit against them.”

Rhea swallows, hard. She might have built her Church upon the very foundations on something deeply similar to that, yes.

“But there are several kinds of ways to hurt and hate people, and I’m not as greedy and weak as to use all of them. Some of them just run too deep. I know that what you did, what we did, wasn’t…. wasn’t just hate. It was also part of something that’s hidden deep inside all of us, in various shapes and forms and you never quite know what shape it’ll take until someone brings it out in you, voluntary or not.”

Rhea doesn’t say anything, and once more refuses to feel what she wants to feel. Because Edelgard indeed brings things inside her to the light which she doesn’t understand.

Edelgard continues when she remains silent.

“And I know how… complicated those kind of feelings are, how deep they run, especially alongside hatred. How every human is terrified of it and refuses to delve deep enough into their own minds to acknowledge just what it could mean, just what makes them tick. Just why they sometimes want to be so incredibly cruel and kind all at once, to people deserving of neither." Edelgard raises her head and stares at the ceiling with unfocused eyes. "Our emotions don't make sense sometimes, yet they can run _so_ deep within us.”

It occurs to Rhea, somewhat slowly, that this _frighteningly_ young human, while maybe having had the benefit of having lived an unusual life, has a far better grasp on the intricate patterns of the human psyche than any other human she’s ever met. Far better than even Rhea herself, who witnessed entire kingdoms rise and fall at the whims of human nature.

Edelgard is far too young to be able understand this, because _all_ of humanity is far too young to understand themselves like this.

Yet she does.

“It’s easy to accept them in the heat of battle somehow, because you’re running on instinct and fear and hatred and it makes you high on blood lust and cruelty because you _need_ to cope with what you are doing in some way, killing and destroying without a second thought. Those feelings run deep as well, they have to so you acknowledge them and make some sense of them. But this isn’t the heat of battle, not like that at least.”

“So yes,” Edelgard concludes, her voice suddenly much softer. “It’s true I want to be cruel to you and anger you as much as I can with the time I have left, because I hate you,” she says with an accepting smile and it’s so genuine and kind that it sends a shiver throughout Rhea. As if she somehow hates Rhea with adoration and kindness.

“…But I don’t want to be as needlessly cruel as to force you to experience parts of yourself that no one really understands about themselves. That kind of thing just… runs too deep inside all of us. That’s… that’s just too much.”

And all of a sudden Rhea understands exactly what it is Edelgard means because she has spend centuries watching humanity endlessly recreate their own carnage, over and over again. She saw it all. How they cannot help but want to utterly destroy what they love and utterly love what’s destroying them.

They’re hateful and loving, cruel and caring, all at once. And it confuses them, frustrates them, angers them. In a desperate attempt to cope they build dazzling towers reaching high into the Heavens, all the while knowing full well it will eventually collapse back onto all of them, they create empires so vast and beautiful they inevitably fall apart because of humanities relentless need for chaos instead of structure. Their need for freedom instead of order. They even turn against their own _Gods,_ who can’t help but love them so much and who humans love deeply in return. Yet they turn to slay them all the same.

All because of their unshakable need to have the freedom to march willingly and knowingly into their own destruction.

And Rhea had always seen them do it passively, from a distance, idly watching the people struggle uselessly with their conflicting feelings. But right now she realizes she’s never felt more _human_ before in her life herself. Because she too, is part of that chaos. Perhaps she always has been, more than she had ever been aware of.

“Thank you,” she manages to utter, and half despises herself for expressing the gratitude she feels herself suddenly overflowing with.

She needs to somehow distance herself, both of them, from this. Because it’s just too personal, she’s not ready to be a reflection of what she has seen in humankind all these years. And yet she loves how connected it makes her feel to the other woman all the same.

“I understand what you mean, yes. I think,” she begins quietly. “It’s… it’s why your kind always has to be controlled and guided. At least a part of you, if your natural need for chaos and hubris can just be tempered, then the rest of you can be free, to be at peace,” she explains, desperate to make this _thing_ more general and less intimate, less like it solely exists between the two of them.

She however, realizes her grave mistake far too late.

And Edelgard of course, clever and cunning Edelgard, realizes it way too quickly.

Gone is her kindness all at once, to be replaced by her ruthless need for knowledge.

“ _My_ kind, Rhea?” she drawls triumphantly, sounding somewhere in-between genuinely surprised and utter glee at the Archbishop's mistake.

Rhea, still very much shaken by all these strange and deep sensations, feels that at this point there is very little use to try and deny and backpedal herself out of this, to make up some flimsy excuse for her error.

She’s just really done with everything.

“…Yes,” she simply says, and it feels so _good_ to not deny it for once, because she wants to be seen so badly for who she truly is. Most of all by this mad woman, for some reason.

Edelgard, as expected, does not go easy on her. In fact, she goes out of her way to make it needlessly hard on her.

“Are you, perhaps, referring to _monarchs_? Fallen or not,” she asks in faux innocence.

Rhea doesn’t respond, just sighs tiredly. She decides she’ll just let the girl enjoy dragging out her victory. She doesn’t really know how to stop her anymore, either way.

“Hmmm, no, I don’t quite think that’s what you were referring to,” Edelgard continues and puts a finger to her lips as if she’s deep in thought while considering other possible options.

“Heretics such as me, perhaps? I’d consider this a valid option, were you not so _obsessively_ determined to force your salvation upon all those who lost the path of light. …Well, all of them except for _me,”_ she adds and laughs quietly, clearly pleased with herself and her heresy.

 _Because you are beyond salvation, you mad, violent,_ evil _thing._

“Women, then maybe?” Edelgard muses out loud and Rhea glares at her, once again inexplicably irked by the implication that Edelgard doesn’t consider her to be a woman.

“No, I don’t think that’s it either. That would be somewhat… sexist, really.”

Rhea really wishes she’d just get on with it and slap the truth in her face so she can deal with it later, preferably alone in her room where she can enjoy her self-loathing and failures in peace.

“Ah!” Edelgard exclaims dramatically with all the pretense of realizing something very important. “You were referring to _humans,_ where you not, dear Archbishop?”

Edelgard looks at her expectantly, clearly hoping she has gotten under Rhea’s skin.

But Rhea is really not in the mood.

“...Are you quite done?”

Edelgard grins.

“No, I’m planning to harass you with this up until my execution."

Rhea sighs. She’s been doing that a lot recently, she realizes. “You’ll exhaust your source of creativity to come up with new ways to do so long before that,” she tries to point out.

The white haired woman shakes her head in protest at this. “I’m confident I won’t. It’s not like I have much else to do, anyway. I’m not joking, I will _not_ let this go until you have me right there on the stage of my execution and personally silence me forever. I want to feel your sword touch my neck before I'll stop."

Rhea feels her heart throb for all the wrong reasons at that comment, and tries to ignore it.

“You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you, you _twisted_ girl?” she retorts, instead of listening to herself and _ignore it._

Edelgard laughs in amusement as she stares Rhea down almost nonchalantly. “I’m really bored in here you know. Let me live a little and fantasize about my own death. It’s the only thing I have left to look forward to.”

The Archbishop is not comfortable with how good and relieving it feels to know that she’s not the only one fantasizing about Edelgard’s death.

“I suggest you control yourself when you’re kneeling on the scaffolding in front of all your former subjects, because if you say something even slightly out of line I can and _will_ use this to sway the people in my favor. They already think of you as insane, anyway. It wouldn’t be difficult.”

Edelgard is silent at this for some time, though her expression is not that one of hurt or defeat. And Rhea is half dreading half hoping she’s imagining just what it is she could get away with in front of her people. Because honestly, watching Edelgard go down in utter chaos could be enthralling _._

However, the Emperor has apparently found another opening in Rhea’s, frankly crumbling, defenses and changes the direction of the conversation, seemingly confident she can get to Rhea in an even more appealing manner that way.

“Speaking of controlling me, which you can’t by the way,” she begins and Rhea already wishes she wasn’t here to hear the rest. “You sounded so passionately insistent on… how did you phrase it again? …Right, _controlling and guiding the people.”_

Rhea doesn’t say anything and knows for certain that it's another fatal mistake but she simply has no idea what to even say at this point any longer.

Edelgard meets her eyes and looks into them way too deeply, purposely so. And Rhea has to go to great lengths to not avert her gaze at the intensity of it. She will _not_ lose this.

“…Tell me, what parts of _me_ do you think need to be controlled and guided by you?”

Rhea hisses in anger.

“You know _damn well_ that’s not what I meant, daft girl. I meant… I meant humanity as a whole, the paths the masses take," she insists angrily. The last of her words sound weaker than she intended and, unsurprisingly, Edelgard notices.

“But it’s what you want,” she points out helpfully.

“It’s _not,_ ” Rhea insists. It’s not. _It’s not._

“But surely you cannot deny that it would be beneficial and _virtuous_ to temper and control the darkest parts of a mad Emperor’s mind before she is send to Hell. ...If only so a part of her too, can be free.”

“Your only freedom is in death, girl.” Rhea snaps at her.

“Hence my point,” Edelgard shrugs, through her expression is anything but casual.

The girl graces Rhea with a moment of silence that almost lulls her frantic heart into a sense of peace. So it makes the next words hit just that much harder.

“Rule me, so I can be free. If only in death.” Edelgard asks her, not quite hiding the way her own voice trembles slightly when she does so. “Because I know you really want to,” she adds after a moment, her voice slightly softer.

Rhea pales somewhat and becomes aware of the loud ringing in her ears that has been increasing in volume for some time now.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to be needlessly cruel to me,” she says weakly, knowing she’s basically admitting defeat. “...About things like that," she adds, hating how vague it sounds.

Because this runs just as deeply inside her.

“…I suppose you have a point,” Edelgard muses, though not sounding very apologetic. “But that’s not why I’m saying all this.”

“Then why?” Rhea questions, even though she really shouldn’t.

At that Edelgard smiles sheepishly, if somewhat vulnerably.

“Truthfully?” she asks and her voice sounds smaller yet still so utterly defiant it drives Rhea mad.

She nods, knowing full well she already long lost this battle.

And Edelgard indeed gives her a look that clearly tells Rhea she just dug her own grave once more.

“Because I just really want to hear you call me a ‘good girl’ again.”

Ah, right, how could Rhea have forgotten _that_ bit.

Of course Edelgard would pick up on that mistake of hers as well. How she ever could have thought Edelgard let her get away with it, is beyond her.

She’s surprised, really, it took her this long to throw it back into Rhea’s face. Although she as to admit Edelgard has waited until the perfect moment, so it would hurt her _just_ the right amount, that it’s worthy of praise.

“You _cannot_ possibly be serious,” she retorts, voice sounding more upset than she wants to.

Edelgard smiles at her somewhat mischievously.

“Yes, I am serious. Say the word and I’ll be on my knees again, uttering Holy Scriptures to you with all of the devotion I have in me, if that’s what it takes,” she says and laughs quietly to herself as if recalling some kind of enjoyable secret. “I really do know a lot of them by heart, you know.”

Rhea really wishes Edelgard would tell her how she knows them.

“How can you even say things like that without a hint of shame?” she hisses instead. Because it certainly makes _Rhea_ feel shame.

Edelgard simply shrugs. “I have very little to lose. …And it felt good when you called me that, really good. I… uhm, I confess I don’t really understand why myself. I have… hunches, but it’s complicated.”

“Try me.”

“It’s weird, probably.”

“It will simply just be another one of many weird things about you, dear,” Rhea responds and can’t help but smile a little.

And Edelgard smiles back, almost timidly so. She seems to consider saying more, opening herself up more, before falling back to her almost casual way of talking herself out of everything.

“I just granted you mercy by not forcing you to dwell on the deeper, darker and much less holy parts of your mind so pardon me if I’ll excuse myself right now and do the same for myself.”

She shifts on the bed, carefully placing her hands in her lap, almost as if she’s more nervous than she lets on.

“I am curious though. About me, about why. Why I feel… things. I’ve never really gotten the chance to feel things. Never freely at least, so I want to know. I want to know why you make me feel these kind of things, and what they mean.”

Rhea, trying very hard not to be affected by whatever it is Edelgard just implied, feels an odd kind of empathy when she considers the frustration and confusion the girl must feel when she seems so good at understanding everyone else, all of mankind at once, but not _herself._

Edelgard seems somewhat taken aback by her own words as well, and scrambles back into territory she knows better, that she can control.

“And I really don't have anything left to lose, do I? The only person who can hurt me with this is _you._ And who are you going to tell, the Archbishop?” she jokes, and it seems lighthearted on the surface but underneath it Rhea senses a vulnerability that even Edelgard might not really be able to acknowledge to herself either.

For a single, very tempting moment Rhea considers giving in. And just… say and do whatever it is that Edelgard needs her to until she understands every single part of herself. Because she thinks she too, wants to understand the girl.

But she can’t.

“Save your holy words for when you’re up on the stage of you execution, dear,” she says instead, disappointing both Edelgard and herself at once.

Edelgard takes her losses and carries on without faltering, however.

“You’d let me do that?”

“…No, I would not, actually.”

“Pity.”

Rhea finds herself agreeing with the mad Emperor for once. Because it would feel so _damn_ good to have Edelgard publicly submit and confess her devotion to Rhea and make her speak the holy texts of worship out loud for all of Fodlan to hear.

But she might actually lose herself in the moment and indeed call her a ‘good girl’ again right there and then, for all of Fodlan to hear as well and she doesn’t think she can live with that kind of shame.

She goes to great lengths to force her mind back into some sort of cohesion worthy of her persona that is the Archbishop and decides to actually say what she came here to say in the first place.

“Speaking of your execution. I’ve come to share some details with you concerning it.”

Edelgard looks at her with a vague sense of disappointment and Rhea feels very smug because of it.

“So you didn’t just come to see me then?” the younger woman asks, this time with what is clearly false disappointment written all over her face.

_I did, actually._

“No, but don’t let me ruin your delusions.”

“You mostly make them better, honestly.”

Rhea sighs tiredly and needs a moment to regain control over herself, so she can ignore the girl and her sinful words once again.

“Anyway, as I was saying. Your trial concerning the details will be held in a week from now on.” Edelgard simply nods, as if she’s not really that interested in the whole thing altogether. “And your execution will be held three days after the trial.”

At this, Edelgard looks surprised.

“How do you already know the verdict if my trial hasn’t even been held yet? I mean I know what my verdict will be, I was right there with myself as I committed all these supposed war crimes and I’d execute myself for it without much thought too. But how is it possible that your court has already decided on my verdict officially enough that you can set a date for the execution?”

“Because it’s _my court,_ dearest Edelgard. My laws.”

“…You said you couldn’t be my judge, jury and executioner,” comes the somewhat accusing reply, and this time she has every right to accuse Rhea, because she’s not being very virtuous.

“Not in here, no. It would give me... some trouble if you died in here, especially at my hands. More than it’s worth, at least. But out there? Absolutely. If I follow the laws I can do with you whatever I please, as long as I do it _officially._ ”

“ _Officially_ call me a ‘good girl’ then,” Edelgard tries again and Rhea is very close to slapping her at this point.

Luckily, Edelgard leaves it at that. “Clever, though. I’ll give you that. Nothing works better to let the people know about your endless capacity for mercy and humility than shamelessly abusing your position of power to get your way.”

Unable to help herself, Rhea grins.

“Don’t tell them about that last part, please. They need to think of me as demure and humble in order to let me guide them.”

_And being like that all the time is so boring._

“I’ll take it to my grave, then” Edelgard says dramatically solemn, “It’ll be our little secret.”

Rhea finds herself smiling and she revels in how she can just be so openly and unapologetically herself around the former Emperor. She muses it’s probably because she knows the girl will never see her as anything more than absolutely despicable and Edelgard can’t really do anything with knowledge about Rhea’s… less than humble feelings. So she can be despicable, then. If only just for a little.

“Your presence is not required at the trial,” she continues, picking up where she left, “as your numerous crimes will speak in your stead.”

“I hope they say nothing but the best about me, then,” Edelgard muses with a soft laugh.

Edelgard, in fact, could very well be present if Rhea wishes so. And as much as she’d enjoy reading out the details of every crime the woman is guilty of aloud to her in front of an audience, she knows Edelgard will absolutely take the opportunity to inform said crowd of things Rhea really doesn’t need them to hear.

Like the _good girl_ part. No one can ever hear that.

“Some of your former classmates will attend as well. The ones you didn’t kill with your useless war, at least,” at this Edelgard winces and a look of genuine hurt and guilt ghosts across her features.

Rhea pointedly ignores it.

“King Dimitri and King Claude will be present, and you are lucky they will, because they will most certainly support your plea for mercy.”

Edelgard looks up at her, confusion settling in on her face. “My… my what? I didn’t plea for mercy… Wait, you’re going to grant me mercy? You’re not going to execute me?” she asks, sounding suddenly so frail and bewildered and somehow not hopeful about the prospect of mercy at all.

“…No, I am. The verdict has been set in stone, you will be executed.”

“Oh,” is the only response Rhea gets. As if that point hardly even matters.

Edelgard still looks puzzled however, not quite getting it.

“Then what?” she adds, after a moment.

“I… well frankly, your former people hate you. A lot. They consider you a cruel tyrant with a thirst for bloody conquest and power who wanted nothing more than to ruthlessly rule and oppress them.”

_Instead of this broken girl who is so openly vulnerable in her desire for self-destruction._

Edelgard huffs. “Ironic, how that worked out for me.”

“Yes, indeed. But we’ve decided to take pity on you. And use this pity as a way to destroy your former allies.”

The mad Emperor looks at her as if she’s not quite comprehending her words, but already not liking them either.

“Consider this,” Rhea carries on. “If we execute you with the current image you have managed to paint yourself as the people will simply be happy to be rid of the cruel Emperor who tried to rob them of their precious freedom.”

Edelgard doesn’t protest her claim, doesn’t even react at all.

“But, if we weave the image around you into one more… complicated and layered, with the information you have so generously given me, we can make you into a tragic victim of Those who Slither.”

She tries not to notice how Edelgard suddenly pales.

And forces herself to continue.

“The poor deluded, tortured and manipulated princes who was driven to madness by these vile evil people, convinced she was doing her people a kindness. Your death will be the catalyst needed to redirect the hate the people have for you onto Those who Slither and help me rid Fodlan of them. And you can die with the knowledge that you are marginally less hated than you are now,” she finishes.

Edelgard is silent for a long while, simply looking at her, pale and frozen. Each passing second makes Rhea feel more unnerved.

“You’re going to turn me into a martyr,” Edelgard states numbly, her voice so soft and broken it once again feels like Rhea has been stabbed in the chest. And she knows it’s herself who’s truly doing the stabbing.

“Yes, you could word it like that,” she responds, trying not to be affected by her painful heart.

“…Please,” Edelgard say, _begs_ quietly. “Please, no. Anything but that. You _can’t_. Please, Rhea. _Please_.”

The words sear through Rhea like lightning and she finds herself deeply confused and not understanding why Edelgard isn’t simply _mad_ at her.

She expected anger, she can deal with her anger. She _likes_ her anger.

But she didn’t expect broken pleas. And although some darker part of her mind knows that she’d really like seeing Edelgard plead too, it wouldn’t be like _this._

“I would have thought you’d be more grateful to me for somewhat cleansing your blood-stained image in my mercy, you know.” Rhea manages to get out, unable to keep a light tremble from her voice.

“ _None_ of this is _MERCY, Rhea!”_ Edelgard all but screams at her as she lunges from her bed, standing up to face Rhea, her trembling with rage.

While there is anger in her voice now it’s somehow all so _wrong._

“I’m doing you a favor,” Rhea insists weakly, suddenly feeling very out of her depth.

“No, _NO,_ you’re not! You don’t understand! You don’t understand _anything!”,_ Edelgard rages on in anguish. Tears are welling up in her eyes, and her fists are clenched in rage as her entire body tenses up.

“Then… then make me understand, please,” Rhea asks her, sounding as open as she can. Because she suddenly _really_ wants, needs, to understand, even though she knows it will hurt her deeply to do so.

Edelgard seems to struggle with herself for just a moment, as if she is unsure if she should spill her feelings on the matter. Rhea remembers the girl’s immense amount of control over her emotions and instincts very clearly, so it’s evident that if Edelgard would do so, it would be a conscious decision rather than an impulse stemming from her pain.

“You don’t understand,” Edelgard eventually repeats, already more in control of her voice again, “because I… because I _need_ them to hate me, Rhea.”

When Rhea fails to respond with anything other than visible confusion Edelgard is apparently clearly done with her ignorance and simply lets out everything that’s dear to her.

And she does so with a graceful passion worthy of an Emperor.

“Everything, _everything_ I have done after I left the dungeons, a-after my hair turned white, has been for them. _Everything._ I spend every waking moment of my life since then crafting and twisting myself into the perfect image of the Emperor I thought the people needed me to be. I was never meant to be Emperor, you know. I was ninth in line but I had no choice in the end. And I did it, so I could take _you_ down and free the people, let them craft their own future. Everything I have done wasn’t for myself, it wasn’t even for _me_ anymore. I had nothing left. It was for the people of Fodlan.”

Edelgard looks away from her at this point, tears welling up in her eyes once more as she stares hard at the floor.

“I destroyed myself for them, Rhea. I endlessly suppressed and purged every feeling I had. I denied myself every interest or passion I had that didn’t serve a purpose for the war I knew I was committing myself to. I didn’t let myself feel love of any kind because I knew it would be a weakness. Because I knew I would have to betray, kill or use the people that would care for me. I’m not even really sure how much of me there is left anymore. Which parts of me really are me and not just another layer to the image I created. I don’t know who I am.”

She’s quiet for a moment, and Rhea cannot find the strength in herself to say anything either.

“In the end the only real feeling that still affected me, still controlled some part of me, was the terror I felt after waking from my nightmares. And I…I cherished that in some way, because it was my last remaining connection to my siblings.”

She sighs almost wistfully.

“I’ve been nothing but a mask for so many years, a character forcefully shaped into the form of a ruthless Emperor. So that Emperor would have the unyielding strength needed to create a new dawn, a new tomorrow, for her people. Even though… even though she never really expected to be able to live and enjoy that world herself, not after what she had become. I wanted to create that world not for me, but for my people. Everything that I have become has been for them.”

She abruptly moves to meet Rhea’s eyes once more and fury and life bleed into lilac eyes all at once.

“And they _hate_ me for it!” she cries out, tears staining her cheeks but she doesn’t seem to care, her voice full of emotion as she comes apart. “They hate what I became for them, what I sacrificed for them, how much of myself I _destroyed_ for them. And it hurts, Rhea. It hurts _so much_ because it means everything I did was for _nothing!"_

She’s sobbing hard at this point, and she is straining herself to keep herself from choking on her own words. Rhea is paralyzed to do anything as she watches the former Emperor sink down onto her knees and bury her face into her hands as she cries and trembles.

Still it only takes her mere moments before she’s coherent enough to speak again, and she does so with her voice muffled into her tear-stained hands.

“But it also… it also means I’m finally free,” she sobs quietly and Rhea has to make an effort to make out the words, but she does because she _needs_ to hear them.

Edelgard angrily wipes the tears from her eyes, but it doesn’t quite work and when she realizes this she opts to wrap her arms around herself instead with just a hint of frustration. She doesn’t look nearly as weak as she should, crumpled on the floor with eyes red from crying.

“They hate what I did for them, they hate the Emperor I became. But… but none of that was truly _me._ They hate the image I created but not _me,_ not… not Edelgard, not the girl I once was or could have been, _”_ she utters quietly, but she might as well be screaming because her words are full of emotion. “They…they don’t even know who I am.”

She shivers slightly.

“And I don’t want them to know, either.”

“Rhea, I want to die as the cruel Emperor they hate so much. I need them, and _you_ to hate me. I can’t have them know about my past, my feelings, _me._ I cannot give them that part of me too, I cannot let them take what little of me there still is left. Because it’s the last bit of integrity I have left, the last part of who I really am, and only within that small part I am still free.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Her thoughts feel slow and numb because everything is far too much for her brain to handle.

But she understands.

Because she too, has been wearing a kind of mask for so long, been forced to be someone she isn’t for what feels like forever. The kind and virtuous and _holy_ Archbishop that the people of Fodlan have come to rely on so much. The kind of person who smiles, who heals and who endlessly forgives.

The kind of person Edelgard saw right through.

The kind of person she _really_ isn’t.

She used to be a War Saint, for Heaven’s sake.

And Rhea finds herself remembering so many sides of herself that she hasn’t been allowed to acknowledge for _so long._

Sides that Edelgard seems to instinctively sense and reach out for even though they’re buried deep within the dark corners of her mind, and which she drags out into the light with ease. Where they are laid bare in a way she didn’t think was possible, or allowed.

Sides that Edelgard seems to possess too, in a way that compliment hers just so very perfectly.

The pieces fall into place along with her sudden understanding of why Edelgard manages to make her just so very angry all the time.

Because that’s a part of who she used to be too, and Edelgard senses that as well. Brings it out beautifully in her.

She was nothing if not vindictive. Her Mother would endlessly chides her for it, she remembers fondly.

_"But they stole from us Mother, they deserve our anger."_

Rhea becomes aware that she has moved when she notices the expression on Edelgard’s features turn into apprehension and fright and she realizes she’s standing very close to the younger woman, who is still sitting crumpled on the floor.

The fear on Edelgard’s face is unbearable, because surely Rhea has hurt the girl enough? If at least for today.

She hunches over ever so slightly and reaches out her hand towards the white haired woman.

“I…I understand, dear girl. I think you don't see that there are so many details of _you_ woven into the image you have created for yourself,” she says and pours as much care into her voice as she can, yet it’s not nearly enough. “You’re _you._ It’s evident in everything you do. You are the only person who can make me angry so easily, you know. And it’s _you,_ not your mask. _You._ Come, please,” she finishes gently and encouraging.

Edelgard relaxes visibly and her lilac eyes turn into a vulnerable sort of curiosity.

It makes Rhea’s heart throb in a slightly pleasant way.

When Edelgard slowly, carefully reaches out to take her hand Rhea's heart immediately proceeds to throb painfully hard, yet it’s not any less pleasant.

As she grasps the girl’s hand she gently helps her raise up to her feet, while her other arm snakes around the smaller woman’s waist to steady her.

Her intention had been to simply help her up but on an impulse she pulls Edelgard tightly against her with the arm around her waist the moment she’s on her feet.

She’s startled by her own actions and suddenly very afraid Edelgard will reject her embrace, but almost immediately she feels two hands grasping gently at the fabric on her back, pushing her into the girl even more tightly. Only half aware of her actions and mostly running on natural instinct, she gently curls and twists her fingers into Edelgard’s hair on the back of her neck, eliciting a soft gasp from her.

Edelgard sighs contently into the crook of her neck and it causes Rhea to abruptly lose the ability to think once more.

But who needs thoughts anyway.

They stay like this for a long time. Neither of them saying anything and all Rhea can do is listen to the soft sounds of Edelgard’s slow breathing.

The warmth she feels from being so close to the other woman is overwhelming. Or maybe the warmth is coming from within herself, she doesn’t know.

Regardless, she doesn’t dare move a muscle because surely any kind of friction between their bodies will send a searing heat throughout her that she won’t be able to handle.

It hasn’t been nearly long enough when Edelgard gently breaks their embrace, and Rhea already finds herself missing the contact.

The former Emperor turns to look at her, looking calm and collected once more and Rhea finds herself wanting to kiss the girl all over again, this time out of an entirely different motivation. And just for a moment, she sees an odd and curious sort of look flash across Edelgard’s features. Making Rhea think that maybe, _maybe_ Edelgard was considering the very same thing.

Before Rhea can dwell on it, however, the girl’s features settle into a faintly somber smile.

“It’s… it’s a good plan, I’ll admit,” she says in some sort of resignation. Then she quietly adds, “I cannot deny I might have done something similar to you, had I come out victorious.”

Rhea understands very deeply that Edelgard would in all likelihood have been as cruel to her as she is to Edelgard, if she had been given the chance.

But it’s irrelevant because it’s just a ‘what if’ and what Rhea is doing to her is very real.

It’s all too much for Rhea and to her surprise she feels tears well up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out.

And she is because it dawns on her that it’s far too late to stop any of this.

The meeting has been held. The details have been discussed. The letters have been send.

The preparations for Edelgard’s execution have started.

She’s certain that by now Those who Slither are already well aware as well, as she knows for sure the _bastards_ have either infiltrated or bribed her higher ranks.

It’s all been set in motion, and she’s the one who started it.

If she calls it off now, it would cause an instability throughout Fodlan that even she might not be able to control. Her enemies will make sure of that, spin some kind of tale that she cannot recover from.

And she cannot let them destroy her mother’s legacy.

So she won’t be able to grant Edelgard’s final wish.

“I’m _sorry,”_ she repeats. “I… I cannot stop this anymore, Edelgard.”

The girl simply looks at her without much emotion, nodding in understanding and resignation.

Rhea hates how it hurts.

“I think it’s me,” she continuous, trying to sound coherent despite her tears. “It’s me who needs to be controlled.”

She once again finds herself fiercely wishing for her Mother’s return. Because she _needs_ her to guide the people. Rhea was never meant to do it in her stead, doesn’t have a single clue as to how. She’s been simply trying to make ends meet in an attempt to keep the world stable, building lie upon lie, and committing crime after crime. Hoping her Mother would return to fix her mess in time.

And her utter failure and numerous mistakes have cumulated into this chaos, with Edelgard mercilessly stuck in the center of it all.

“I’ve lost control,” she admits for the first time in centuries and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun, self imposed, Hard Mode idea for ur Fanfic: Try to write Rhea's love for her mother in a way that doesn't sound like she has a twisted obsession, border-lining on incest.
> 
> Because holy fuck either I have no idea how to write maternal love or that girl has issues I'm not going to touch upon.  
> Yikes.


	5. Sleep is for the weak.

She visits Edelgard the very next day without so much as even the pretense of an excuse this time. In fact, she had to do the opposite and make up an excuse to Seteth to even get clearance to go without raising his suspicion that she was, as he put, it ‘up to something’.

Which she is.

“It is with only with the best of interests for the people of Fodlan on my mind that I, _unfortunately_ must pay the prisoner of war another visit, Seteth. I too find myself wishing there was another way, it’s really quite bothersome.”

She’s using her Archbishop voice, words and smile, which he instantly recognizes so he knows she’s definitely ‘up to something’. Unfortunately for him, a part of her Archbishop persona is that everything she says is really smooth and vague, so he can’t get enough of a grip on her to coax out anything worthwhile from her. He leaves her be, slightly frustrated and likely not letting this go.

She’s not up to something _sinister_ anyway. For once.

She really just wants to make sure Edelgard is feeling alright after what happened.

Which might be somewhat in conflict with the rest of Rhea, which is still very much planning the former Emperor’s execution. She had _several_ meetings about the very issue today alone. 

(It’s going smoothly.)

But she separates the two things in her mind, somehow.

She has to.

She didn’t really get much sleep this night either, and she considers that maybe it is Rhea herself who is the one who is not feeling alright about this.

Because she’s not.

But no one notices, again.

And she cannot let herself wallow in self-pity either because it’s _Edelgard_ who has been hurt and is going to die. Not her, _Edelgard._

She sighs to herself as she arrives at her destination, feeling bad for herself anyway.

At least she managed to wait until the end of the day and after she finished all her obligations as the Archbishop, she supposes. Even though she was doing only the bare minimum half the time, which was sometimes nothing more than ‘being physically present and smile when they say something they think sounds smart’.

She didn’t really prepare what she was going to say, which turns out to be a bit of an issue once the prison door falls into the lock behind her and suddenly everything is very quiet as she’s once again faced with the sight of the former Emperor huddled in a blanket, complete with Rhea-induced bruises still gracing her features.

_How are you doing?_

_Are you alright?_

_Is everything okay?_

_….You are faced with your inevitable and impending execution in little over a week at my very hands, and I keep harassing you about this in various cruel ways. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the effect this is having on your current mental well-being?_

“Can you tell me how it is that you know so many Holy Scriptures?”

She sighs internally, disappointed at her own utter inability to say anything even remotely into the direction of what she truly wants to say. But at least she said something.

Rhea is half-convinced Edelgard will not accept this as a valid reason to visit and will instead use it as fuel to go on another rampage straight-into and right-through Rhea’s feeble soul, but if Edelgard is planning to weaponize the question she doesn’t show it for now.

Instead she smiles, both in greeting and at her question and nods. “Yes, alright,” she says and casually pats the empty space on the bed next to her. “Come,” she continues easily, expectantly, so _freely_.

And if she had been any less light-hearted about it Rhea would have rudely refused, because it’s _weird._ But the girl manages to do just harmlessly so that Rhea doesn’t have to feel offended enough to pretend she doesn’t want to.

So she walks over, _awkwardly._ And sits down on the bed next to the girl, _awkwardly._

She’s sitting up very straight and her hands are poised perfectly in her lap. And she manages to sit at a distance that’s _just_ perfectly uncomfortable in-between personal and formal that she is seriously considering scooting over, either further away or closer, to make it somehow seem more appropriate again.

Maybe she’s overthinking this.

Especially because next to her rigid self, Edelgard is practically slumped against the wall, curled into a blanket, with her hair in a style that says nothing short of ‘bewildered’ and who doesn’t seem to care about Rhea’s ‘acceptable distance issue’ either way.

But she does sit up a little straighter as she prepares to speak.

“Alright,” she starts and grins, looking suddenly much more alive, “but you have to _promise_ me you’ll keep this one from the Archbishop. She’ll never let me live it down, I don’t think I’ll last until my execution if she knows.”

Rhea is really curious now what kind of supposed weapon Edelgard is about to place into her hands.

“I promise, dear. Although I don’t think she cares about what you say as much as I do.”

It is apparently much easier to express your feelings to someone if you’re pretending to be someone else. The smile she receives make her considering trying it more as herself as well, though.

“So, uhm… bear with me,” Edelgard begins again, “because I _know_ what this sounds like, but actually… I’ve always really loved religion.”

Rhea’s eyebrows rise into new heights when she hears her say this, and even Edelgard seems to realize that she needs to narrow her bold statement down somewhat, frame it in a more specific light, for it to sound even slightly convincing.

“Not… not _yours,_ not whatever mess you turned it into for your own shady purposes. But like, the _old_ ways. The things that came before… everything.”

Rhea thinks that maybe she could just pretend she is merely feeling offended by the words of this heretic, because _surely_ she of all people has no idea what she’s talking about. Yet the words hurts Rhea so very deeply because she never _meant_ to twist the Faith of her Mother into what it is today, into what was apparently something so distorted it angered Edelgard enough to set out on a bloody conquest to just bring the whole Church down altogether.

But she had no choice.

Fodlan needed peace and stability more than it needed the truth.

And she needed to protect herself and her family and stop humanities greed for power and Crests.

But how could she ever begin to explain this to Edelgard?

“I’m… I’m sorry,” she murmurs dejectedly, knowing full well it doesn’t really do anything without at least several centuries’ worth of context.

“Oh,” Edelgard responds, mildly surprised at her apology. “I didn’t… mean to attack you like that.”

“You didn’t, but your words hurt all the same.” Rhea admits, smiling sadly.

“I’m sorry, too, then. Although I confess don’t really understand the nature of why I am so. I don’t quite… get you.” Edelgard says carefully, sounding somewhat puzzled.

…and that’s just, really the issue isn’t it? Rhea wonders to herself.

There are so many things in between them that they cannot share with each other. Several more centuries’ worth of experiences in Rhea’s case, but it somehow doesn’t feel like she has a heavier burden to bear compared to Edelgard because of this difference in timespan.

There’s their families. And their masks, their pasts, their pain, their duty, their feelings and their reasons for doing the things they did, the ways they hurt each other.

So many secrets.

“It’s probably better if you don’t,” Rhea finds herself saying wistfully.

“…Perhaps, yes.” Edelgard responds, though not quite sounding like she’s giving up.

And Rhea finds herself hating these half-truths and hints they keep feeding to each other, preying on the other in the hope they slip up and reveal something more about themselves. It separates them and deeply connects them both at once.

But maybe, if they just keep circling around their own secrets, they can meet each other half-way. So that they can learn about each other without revealing things that are too painful or dangerous to share.

“Tell me more about the old ways of the Church you liked, please.” Rhea asks gently, trying to not sound too demanding. “I’d like to know, if you don’t mind.”

It’s easy, safe, yet she still gets to know a little more about the other woman.

And Edelgard smiles, taking her offer to do so, and proceeds to share as much of herself as she possibly can.

“I have spent… what is probably considered a praiseworthy amount of time by the Church, reading and analyzing the old scriptures and texts,” she starts and smiles to herself. “Hubert always commemorated my dedication in these efforts, because he thought for sure it was so I could gain new insights and information about the Church we could use in the war.”

Shifting a little on the bed, Edelgard continues musing to herself, “And I suppose that that was indeed an added benefit.”

She meets Rhea’s eyes. “But honestly I just really, _really_ loved the way they touched upon certain subjects so very deeply,” she continues on, with what seems to be like an almost nostalgic expression on her features.

“Like love, for example,” she starts, and there is a sudden _life_ in her lilac eyes, “and by extend devotion. I never really _got_ those. I’ve felt it, sure, somewhat. And I saw it in others as well. But I never really understood _why_ it is the way it is. Why is love supposed to last forever, yet always seems at risk to change? With a lover you have to continuously fight to protect that feeling you have, you always have to strafe of fear and jealousy and possessiveness and the risk of loss and all other kinds of feelings that can ruin love. Even friendship and familial love aren’t really safe, as it can turn sour and painful.”

She’s suddenly so very passionate about her words, with just a hint of frustration. And Rhea finds she really wants to hear every little detail.

Edelgard softens somewhat as she continues.

“Yet whenever I read through the old words, it feels different, somehow. The way they speak of how Sothis loved her Children and humanity so unconditionally. That kind of love just seemed different, more… uhm, singular, as if it was separated from all other feelings. As if it was eternal and constant and unchanging, even though everything else always changes.” Edelgard says and pauses, visibly frustrated by her last few words.

And while Rhea is dimly aware that the tone in Edelgard’s voice is turning more emotional as she goes on, she finds herself suddenly so deeply emotional herself as well that it’s hard not to turn to tears. Because that’s just _exactly_ how her Mother loved. Of course, she loved each and every one of her children individually as a mother. But she also loved every being alive as a whole, with the same kind of graceful strength Rhea always thought a mother should have. Something she never really managed, with all her spite and vindictiveness.

“Divine love,” Edelgard eventually settles on, “some kind of love that’s wholly different from the physical, the sensual, the possessive, something which doesn’t even need any kind of interaction to maintain its strength. I never really quite _got_ it, but reading about it made me feel closer to it, I suppose.”

“It sounds like,” Rhea manages to say after only a few moments to gather herself, only slightly more hoarse than she hoped, “you actually really understood it all quite well.”

“Thank you,” Edelgard smiles before looking puzzled once more. “Yet the more I try to understand it, the further it feels away, somehow. As if it’s something you aren’t allowed to put into words.”

_You should try combining it with the physical, the sensual and the possessive then. The human kind of love. You will find you don’t need words, yet it’s divine all the same._

She’s not quite sure where this sudden thought comes from, as she’s not exactly that very well versed in these matters herself, but it strikes her as quite clear that Edelgard would excel at doing this, should she make the connection.

She’d make it poetic.

Rhea’s too tired to acknowledge the feeling somewhere in the foggy parts of her brain that she should be more embarrassed by this kind of thought.

In fact, she’s so tired she’s lulled into some kind of trance as Edelgard continues to speak. Rhea has to strain herself to keep responding with the minimum amount of responses and encouragements that are considered polite to keep the younger woman to keep talking without feeling self-conscious and one sided.

Because Rhea does really wants to hear what she has to say.

She’s rewarded for her efforts with an in-depth analyses of her own Faith. And a lot of the texts Edelgard refers to are, in fact, her own words.

Rhea is secretly really amused and strangely happy about that, because it means Edelgard knows and likes some part of her, even though it’s safely locked in its own bubble, separate from Rhea herself.

She always thought her words were rather cryptic, if only so she could hide her deeper feelings safely inside her vain attempts at poetic understanding.

But Edelgard picks her words apart with ease. She separates the personal from the formal, the literal from the symbolic and she understands some of Rhea’s former self more complicated intentions and emotions with an uncanny sense of accuracy. She even interprets her words in ways that say things about Rhea she never really considered or meant, but cannot quite deny right now either.

It’s nice, if somewhat exposing, to have someone be so completely interested in who you are and what you meant. Although Edelgard doesn’t know the truth, of course. And that makes her feel more at ease with feeling so exposed.

It’s rather uncomfortable to think about what Edelgard would think of the scriptures if she knew they were hers. Would she still find them as beautiful as she does now?

Would Edelgard forgive her, if she knew that that person in those words is her, too?

She really should give these feelings some more thought. Or not, and make an attempt to deny them along with the rest of everything she’s denying.

But she’s really tired.

And Edelgard keeps on talking and it makes it hard to think.

It vaguely occurs to her at some point she’s having trouble keeping her eyes open and that’s she’s leaning heavily against the wall behind her, but the thought is fleeting.

And promptly, she falls asleep.

* * *

Rhea becomes aware of herself and the fact that she has, once again, messed up before anything else. She doesn’t realize that she is waking up from sleep, instead she feels reality attack her all at once. And suddenly the world is very _there_ again.

She finds herself curled up on the bed and, much to her horror, with one fist firmly twisted into the fabric of Edelgard’s dress, around the area of her lower thigh. And said Edelgard is very much looking at her from above, with a grin somewhere in-between smug and amused because of what seems to be yet another victory in the girl’s name.

Rhea knows very well that whatever caused this to happen, it was her own fault.

So, naturally, she blames it all on Edelgard.

“ _What did you do to me?!”_ she hisses and simultaneously shoots away from the mad Emperor. She stumbles and almost loses her bearing as she tries to find purchase on the other side of the bed. As if she could somehow hope do this with any resemblance of grace. She reaches for her head and feels her headpiece has shifted slightly to the side, annoyed she makes attempt to correct it but she thinks it's likely in .vain

Edelgard simply gives her a look that says nothing short of ’ _really, are we doing this?’_

And Rhea cannot return her look with anything other than _‘yes, really. I need to.’_

The other woman sighs, though she’s still clearly amused.

“I used my wicked powers and lulled you to sleep with my, apparently _boring,_ ranting about your religion.”

Rhea feels surprised, unexpected at hearing that. “I…I fell asleep?” It can’t be, she never falls asleep accidentally. Or that easily.

“Yes because, and I cannot stress the irony of this enough, because I, _Edelgard the heretic_ was boring you with my praise of your Faith.”

“Oh.”

“….Yes.” Edelgard doesn’t say it, but Rhea can _feel_ her think what a useless idiot she considers the Archbishop right now. Or maybe it’s just Rhea thinking that about herself.

“You weren’t boring me,” she mutters.

“Huh?”

“I liked listening to you. I’ve just been… sleeping very badly, I suppose.”

“Yeah, you kind of looked that part, already,” Edelgard responds dryly.

Rhea doesn’t really like that it was apparently visible she was sleeping badly, though it feels like thus far only Edelgard has noticed. Again. “I’ve been rather exhausted the past few days, to be truthful.”

“…You looked like you really needed the rest indeed, you hardly moved a muscle while you slept.”

“You watched me _sleep!_?” Rhea finds herself mortified at the very idea.

Edelgard looks at her sheepishly, yet not ashamed at all.

“Well, yes? Your sleeping form is marginally more interesting than _whatever_ it is these four walls have going on,” she shrugs nonchalantly, “can you really blame me? I mean I would have had to make a serious effort to _not_ look at you.”

“…No, but still,” she insists, as if Edelgard will suddenly somehow magically come to agree with her.

“It’s _your_ fault for falling asleep, you know,” Edelgard reminds her instead.

“You have a point there, I’ll admit,” she says in defeat.

But of course, Rhea admitting defeat is _not_ enough for the madwoman.

“You should be apologizing to me. _I_ had to awkwardly sit here watching _you_ sleep because of you,” Edelgard continues, to just really hammer down that extra bit on how embarrassed Rhea already feels.

“I _get_ it, Edelgard,” she responds in frustration.

“Good, just wanted to make sure. You still seem kind of sleepy.”

“Actually, why didn’t you just wake me? If you felt so awkward watching me sleep.” A sudden horrific thought dawns on her. “You could have killed me…” she says softly, weakly. And then something else dawns on her as well. “…Why didn’t you kill me?” she whispers, mortified when she considers the risk she just took.

Edelgard simply shrugs. “I did consider strangling you in your sleep to be honest,” she says and all of a sudden she gets a _look_ in her eyes and she smiles. “But between you and me, we both know who is more skilled in the fine art of strangling. Frankly, I found myself intimidated by your earlier display.”

And Rhea balks at the comment because how _dare_ she mention this very delicate subject so casually again when it is so complicated for Rhea. The _nerve_ of this girl.

“Leave an axe the next time you decide to fall asleep with me and I’ll give it some serious thought, if you insist,” Edelgard continues, clearly enjoying herself on her own personal victory crusade.

She proceeds to stretch lazily as if to proof that she really doesn’t care about Rhea’s little internal meltdown. “Besides, what’s the point? If I kill you in here even more of Fodlan will crumble and I’ll still be executed,” she says and then meets Rhea’s eyes once again, suddenly much more serious. “And if I have to be executed, I want it to be done by _you_ ,” she all but whispers.

“You’re being needlessly cruel again,” Rhea manages to respond before she feels too many things to speak anymore. Even though the girl isn’t being cruel at all, Rhea just feels things very deeply.

Edelgard softens a little however, as if she senses she’s reached Rhea’s limit. _Thank the Heavens._

With a little smile on her features she speaks up again. “Alright, sorry. Honestly, it was because you seemed really peaceful while you slept. I just didn’t have it in me, I didn’t even consider it to be completely truthful.”

“Oh,” Rhea says, finding this reason even more personal and delicate.

“Almost human, really … _Almost.”_ Edelgard continues, with just a hint of secrecy in her voice.

“I _am_ human, dear.” Rhea insists, if only for formality at this point.

“…Right. You just looked… _more_ human than I thought you would look like while sleeping,” the white haired girl insists.

“Did you think I would transform into… _whatever_ it is you think I am, whenever I’m not consciously making an effort or something?”

Edelgard gives her a sheepish smile. “I uh... considered it a possibility, yes."

Rhea simply sighs and stares at the other woman, being openly disappointed in her reasoning skills for once and she's is about to call her out on it when Edelgard suddenly turns to look very awkward.

She seems as if she’s not quite sure as to how to say whatever it is that’s on her mind.

So naturally, she says it in the most delicate way possible.

“I saw your… uhm… your ears,” she says with just the faintest hint of a struggle and helpfully gestures at her own ears for an added visual effect. To prove her claim she leans over to Rhea and adds “they’re _pointy,”_ in a hushed manner before nodding solemnly in such a way that is almost as if it’s _Edelgard_ revealing something very secret to Rhea instead.

Rhea feels all the blood drain from her face. “…Oh.” No other words come to her.

“Yes, _oh_. So I thought that maybe, uhm… other parts of you would change as well, if you slept. I don’t know, it’s strange,” Edelgard shrugs, though not sounding very accusing. It’s more as if she just really doesn’t quite know how to handle this new, wild revelation with the appropriate treatment she seems to think it deserves.

To her own surprise Rhea finds she isn’t all that horrified by Edelgard’s discovery. It’s almost a relief in some way, and she knows she shouldn’t add more fuel to the flames she’s already fanning quite well at the moment but she just really wants Edelgard to _know_ about herself. If only just a little. She _knows_ already anyway, but she got a detail wrong, surely she can at least correct that.

“They are always like that, actually.”

She gets a surprised look, as if the girl doesn’t really know what to do with this new piece of information, or what she has done to receive it. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Hence the lilies,” Rhea points out, gesturing at the now tussled flowers gracing the sides of her head, “…and the hair, really. And the rest…” she finishes flatly.

And once again, if Edelgard is going to harass her with this newfound knowledge, she’s keeping it for later.

Instead she begins to laugh and Rhea is about to take it personally and get offended about her looks when the younger woman speaks up again. “Hidden in plain sight all along, then,” she says, clearly amused.

At hearing that Rhea can’t help but smile. “Yes, quite literally. It’s a struggle sometimes, honestly.”

Edelgard meets her eyes with a curious look. “Then why don’t you just… I don’t know, change them as well?”

“I can’t, actually. It’s just how I look.”

Edelgard simply hums in response, as if she’s trying to put the pieces together, to try and picture Rhea hiding her ears all this time.

And Rhea suddenly finds herself really insecure about it all. As if she should change the last thing that makes her different from humans as well. As if she’s not _human_ enough if she doesn’t hide them. And now Edelgard knows, and she already doesn’t consider her human, and will now surely see this as another reason to see Rhea as some kind of monster in a human husk, some imitation of humanity that has _no right_ to be _._

“You’re really beautiful, Rhea,” Edelgard says instead as if it’s some kind of obvious fact, yet she needs to say it softly and warm all the same.

It’s as if she’s reading Rhea’s mind and can’t control her urge to subvert Rhea’s expectations at every possible opportunity. Just to swipe her off her feet again and force her to adapt to Edelgard.

“I’m sorry?” Rhea blurts out with so little grace she might just offend Edelgard for not taking her compliment seriously. But she just _cannot_ believe the girl would say this with good intentions.

“I mean it, I really think you are. Even when you cover yourself in all this… Church attire.” Edelgard insists, hesitating slightly before continuing. “I just thought that it might be frustrating for you, having to hide yourself like that. Since I kind of relate. I have all these… you know, my scars, that I have to hide, as well.”

Her eyes widen suddenly, as if she comes to a new conclusion and she shakes her head slightly.

“No, actually. That’s wrong, sorry. What I meant was that you are beautiful, along with the ears. They suit you, they look natural on you. But my scars aren’t, they’re… they’re ugly, and they’re not natural. A-and I have my hair too, which I can’t hide. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have compared you to me.”

Rhea hurts when she hears, and watches, Edelgard talk herself into a spiral of self-deprecation, which seems to run so very deeply inside of her. And she wants to stop her, so very badly.

“You’re really beautiful too, Edelgard,” she manages to say and she’s _proud_ of herself because it was _so hard_ to get herself to say it.

“Thanks,” Edelgard responds flatly, as if on cue, with all the conviction of someone who _does_ _not_ believe whatever you’re trying to convince them of but pretends to out of politeness and weariness anyway.

And Rhea realizes she isn’t strong enough to show her otherwise, either. Not with just a few words. Even if she were to scream how beautiful the girl is to Rhea it would make no difference because Edelgard just sees it as part of who she is, as a _fact._

“I wish I could show you how you look to me,” she says, and while it should count as another victory because that was _hard_ as well she feels defeated, somehow.

“Thank you but please, spare yourself the effort. I’m fine, really.”

Edelgard seems to consider her next words with care, then decides to open up to Rhea.

“I… I wasn’t fine at first, I suppose. But Hubert helped me a lot. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for… for a really long time. I couldn’t even stand seeing my own hair fall in front of my face. It was so _confronting_ and there were so many memories tied to it that it would send me into either a state of feral rage or panic whenever it became too much.”

She loosely wraps her arms around herself and meets Rhea’s eyes. “I…uhm…. Would you listen?” she asks in a tiny voice. “I feel myself wanting to share this with you.”

“Please, go ahead. I’ll listen,” Rhea says gently, and hopes that maybe she can find something to comfort Edelgard with in what she’s going to say.

The girl simply nods and stares at the wall in front of her with a distant expression, as if she needs to disconnect herself from her words a little.

“I wouldn’t let anyone near me. Only Hubert,” she says and smiles fondly all of a sudden. “I made him tie my hair behind my head every single day, sometimes multiple times if it got loose from training or something. Poor boy, he had never learned how to do it of course, and he was _clumsy._ But he mastered it in a matter of days. And after a long time, when I was ready, he even learned new hairstyles all on his own, so that I could see my own hair again, bit by bit.”

It’s hard to hear Edelgard talk like this, hard to imagine the horrors she must have went through for her to be unable to look in the mirror, but it’s evident that it’s a relief for Edelgard to speak about this so freely.

So Rhea listens, nodding and encouraging her to continue.

“I made him help me bathe too,” Edelgard laughs, “And he did. He was way too young to even remotely understand how to deal with something as complicated as the way I felt about my body and so was I. But he never even once gave up. Never got angry or impatient or frustrated,” she smiles, although there are tears welling up in the corners of her eyes now as well. “I would have had him helped me bathe right here at Garreg Mach too, you know. If it wouldn’t have been interpreted as… _highly inappropriate._ But he helped me practice too, to do it on my own before I became a student here. So I was fine.”

Rhea finds herself silently apologizing to Hubert. She never… liked him, truthfully. Even when he was still her student, _just a boy_. He seemed to have no other joys in life than to unravel people’s secrets and threaten them with it, supposedly in the name of the Adrestian Empire, in the name of his Lady Edelgard, whom he seemed to see as nothing but a vessel for power. But it seems that in the shadows the two had shared a deep love and a lot of trust. He always was the shadowy type, she muses.

Something akin to frustration settles on Edelgard’s features, but she’s managed to distance herself away from her feelings far enough that she can continue to speak without problem.

“The scars I can hide, if only to others, so that’s alright,” she sighs. “But my _hair._ It’s always so…. present, and everyone can see it, _all the time._ I know it’s not… uhm... immediately off-putting to people. But my hair always feels so… so out of place, so foreign, unnatural. It feels _inhuman_.”

“I agree on that last one, it does make you look inhuman,” Rhea says, relieved to find something to interrupt the girl’s relentless self-depreciation with, only to realize she has to _immediately_ say the rest of her sentence because Edelgard can, and will, take it the wrong way if she doesn’t.

“Because, I mean…, I mean,” she stutters as she forces herself to continue, “because it makes you look nothing short of Divine.”

It sounds… not as profound and earth-shattering as Rhea hoped it would. It sounds kind of clumsy, really.

Yet Edelgard smiles at her all the same, and mercifully keeps her slightly-too-amused laughter to a minimum.

“I suppose I should take it into serious consideration, then” she says, “as you are the leading expert on the subject of Divinity.”

Rhea is, she thinks to herself, she knows all the facts and details, she was _there_ when a lot of it happened. But she cannot quite shake how it’s Edelgard who seems to have a much better, more delicate grasp on some of the more intricate and emotional parts of it.

“I thought you condemned me a heretic?”

“Yes I do, and you _are_. But I suppose this makes you a Divine heretic. I guess wickedness comes in all shapes and forms," Rhea smiles with a hint of amused mischief.

“I can live with that,” the girl says as her smile widens, the distant expression gone from her looks.

There is a long, somewhat comfortable silence between them, until Edelgard speaks up again.

“…Rhea?” she asks, suddenly sounding very careful and calculated.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Rhea feels like pointing out that the younger woman already asked her two things just to ask if she could ask a question, but she supposes that that’s taking things a bit too literal and probably not really what Edelgard is getting at anyway. It’s more as if she’s asking for permission to address something complicated or emotional.

“Yes,” she replies, hoping it won’t be something ruthless once again.

“Do you…” Edelgard starts and hesitates, looking for the right words. “Do you feel anything for me? Uhm... I mean,” she says, trying to frame her words better. “I mean…I just mean _any_ kind of feeling. Something else than hate at least.”

“…Yes,” Rhea simply responds, surprised at her own lack of hesitation. But why lie about this when she knows about her ears?

All of a sudden she feels very light. It’s a relief to admit that she feels something alongside her hate, something that is in conflict with it. And she feels something akin to shame when she realizes it’s so much easier to express and understand the hate she feels for Edelgard than it is with any other feelings she has for the girl. But this was a first step, and somehow it was easy.

It’s apparently a lot less easy for Edelgard however, because she's looking at Rhea as if she’s seeing water burn, her eyes wide in shock.

She doesn’t say anything, yet something deeply emotional crosses her features, and Rhea is sure that for a moment she does lose her self-control and acts on impulse because she cannot imagine Edelgard subjecting herself to this kind of vulnerability willingly.

But in a single, quick and rigid movement she shifts her body to face Rhea’s own, her knees coming to rest against Rhea’s upper leg and her chest leaning against her arm. Edelgard’s hand trembles in the air for a moment, before she proceeds to clumsily, almost desperately, grasp a fistful of Rhea’s robe right on her pelvis.

“Rhea, I…” she tries and falters, panic rushing into her wide and fearful eyes.

And then she stills completely.

Rhea considers a lot of possible options as to what this could mean, and she’s very aware that it’s quite likely something _intimate._

Because Edelgard’s hand is _right there_ on a _very personal_ place on her body. And she’s pretty sure friends don’t do that. _They’re not friends._

It makes her feel warm and overwhelmed and she’s almost too scared to meet Edelgard’s eyes, afraid she’ll find something there that she can’t handle. To see something there which she can’t acknowledge in herself.

When she does, however, she realizes that this is quite clearly _not_ and invitation nor a question for something more, but more something akin to a frantic and desperate plea for acceptance of _just exactly_ whatever this is.

Edelgard’s expression is openly fearful and vulnerable, and she seems to be feeling very over-exposed and already chastising herself for her momentary lapse of self-control.

_Please don’t reject me._

And Rhea thinks she can give her that part of herself, at least.

Rhea’s own hand stirs momentarily as she can’t quite get herself to _move it,_ before she finally regains control over her neural-system and moves to cover the girl’s hand with her own, clasping it quite tightly and pressing it just a little more against her pelvis.

She can’t really get herself to do anything more than that, and is frankly proud of herself for managing this much already. So she opts to look away and stare hard at the wall in front of her instead. She can feel Edelgard relax against her however, her chest just leaning a little more against her and she breathes out slowly in relief, before she shifts to lean her head against the Archbishop’s shoulder. It allows Rhea to relax too, if just a little.

Enough to speak up, after a long moment of gathering the strength.

“I must confess I feel… conflicted whenever you bare yourself like this to me,” she says carefully. Towards the wall but still., it's progress. “I find myself wanting to respond to it with both cruelty and caring all at once.”

“Yes, I feel the same,” Edelgard responds, “and both are such equally _tempting_ options as well, yet most of the time you can only go with one,” she says and sighs softly with just a hint of frustration.

Rhea hums in agreement.

“How about we just do neither?” Edelgard adds after a moment of silence. “How about we just _are?_ If only for a little while.”

Rhea finds herself smiling. “The secret third option, who would have thought it possible. Yes, let’s do that.”

And so they just are.

For a while.

Because while the silence between them is very comfortable, the tension instead is _absolutely_ driving Rhea slowly into madness.

At first she thinks it’s just her, and that she should really just not care so much. Or enjoy the moment, but Heavens know she isn’t granted such kind of small mercies.

She tries to let it go.

But after a while it feels like the walls are whispering and _surely_ everyone in all of Garreg Mach knows exactly what kind of very forbidden things she is doing with her _prisoner of war_ at this very moment.

Like _handholding._

And she just cannot sit still much longer like this.

She gets the unshakable need to _fidget._

And that’s just _not_ something the Archbishop of the Church of Seiros does.

So it has to be something else. She thinks that if she would just have something to focus on. Something to distract her from _herself_ , she could maybe let this go.

Yet it feels like time has stopped in the room because _nothing_ is moving so she has nothing to focus on but her very unhelpful thoughts.

Rhea therefore figures, in all her genius and solid grasp of the concept ‘cause and effect’, she’ll just have to do something of her own to focus on.

Something that has motion, she thinks.

So she brings Edelgard’s hand, still firmly grasped in her own, towards her lap and sort of…. begins to play with it very gently.

She immediately becomes aware that Edelgard is suddenly _very_ invested in Rhea’s _cleverly_ created distraction as well and she watches from the corner of her eyes as Edelgard is staring very hard and very intently at their joined hands, her mouth slightly open and her eyes somewhat glazed over.

Which is unexpectedly mortifying and really not something Rhea had anticipated, but she really cannot stop anymore now. That would be _weak._

So this just becomes her single most important task.

She intertwines their fingers and slowly drags her own fingers up and down in-between Edelgard’s, occasionally grasping one of her fingers and focusing her attention on that single digit for a while, or brushing the top of the girl’s hand with her own fingertips.

She brings her other hand to rest around the girl’s wrist, so she can keep it more easily in place as her hand caresses and plays with Edelgard’s own. She feels the pulse of the girl’s heartbeat against the insides of her hand that’s holding her wrist, and it’s fast and heavy against her skin. It’s electrifying and makes everything feel even more intense than it already is for Rhea.

In the end it’s easier than she expected, because as long as she can focus on their hands and the friction in-between them, she forgets about everything else.

And finally lets herself enjoy the moment.

Edelgard responds after a while, occasionally meeting Rhea’s hand with a careful brush of her own fingertips and every time she does so it sends sparks through Rhea.

She feels herself growing warm and her mind is becoming blurry. It’s as if her mind and body are disconnecting in such a way that both of them increase their efforts to come out superior and regain control by making everything much more intense. Rhea feels so overwhelmed by it she thinks just might faint.

But she manages to prevail.

At one point she manages to remember that she has nails and drags those across the younger woman’s skin, not enough to hurt or pierce it, but just enough that it’s less than gentle.

She has no idea what she is doing, she thinks to herself, but when Edelgard makes some kind of noise as she gasps, blushes deeply and proceeds to hide her face into Rhea’s shoulder, she thinks she might have been doing a good job doing so regardless.

Rhea is sure it’s either because Edelgard has finally gathered enough courage or finally gotten sufficiently flustered that she couldn’t take it anymore but the girl looks for her eyes for a moment, as if searching for confirmation and when she seems to find it moves her body down until she’s laying on her back in Rhea’s lap.

She moves their still intertwined hands and twists their arms until Rhea’s arm is draped across Edelgard’s chest, and their hands come to rest on her breast, right around where her heart is.

She looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes, with a small smile and a deep blush across her face.

“You’re really beautiful, Rhea,” she says again and this time Rhea feels she has no choice to believe she’s being genuine.

Edelgard brings up her free hand, slightly straining herself to reach, and proceeds to brush Rhea’s hair behind one of her ears.

She cannot help but instinctively flinch at the contact.

Edelgard immediately startles and retreats her hand, “Sorry… I didn’t mean...”

“It’s alright,” Rhea interferes, “I didn’t mind, it’s a reflex. I… simply never let someone that close. Both because I am to be the distant Archbishop and well… because of the ears,” she adds and uses her free hand to vaguely gesture into the general direction of her head.

“Are you upset that I saw that part of you?”

“Surprisingly, no. It’s somewhat freeing that you know,” she responds and it’s true but she wonders _why_ it is so. “…Perhaps because I wish you could know the truth. Maybe.” _Probably._

“Is that truly impossible?”

“…Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“Hmmm…” Edelgard sighs and seems to consider something for a moment, “perhaps I could tell you some of my truth instead?” she asks sounding so hopeful Rhea’s mind has already said yes before the words settle in. “If you want to, I mean. It’s not… It’s not very nice,” she adds quietly.

“Tell me, _please.”_ Rhea says, almost demands. “I want to know. I want to know _you,”_ she says breathlessly.

“Alright,” Edelgard mumbles in response.

And then she’s quiet for a long time.

“I never expected to live,” she finally speaks up. “When I was taken into the dungeons along with my siblings, I mean. At first I was scared and confused and so _angry,_ and that fueled my desire and my hope for escape.”

She pauses and takes a deep breath.

“But after…after the first one, my older brother, died and they showed no sign of stopping, no sign of _mercy,_ that’s when I knew that we were all meant to die there. I didn’t know _why_ , why they were doing this to us, what they were trying to gain or learn from the experiments, but I knew that they needed our deaths for it to work. We were going to die in there.”

The hand around Rhea’s own tightens its grip and Rhea finds herself returning the gesture.

“So I simply waited for it,” Edelgard says, voice slightly strained, “knowing that at least with my death it would end. And it took a _long_ time. I had no idea how much time passed, I had no source of daylight and my captors came and went at random. The only vague form of chronology was the feeling of length I experienced was in between my siblings’ deaths.”

Her grip on Rhea’s hand tightens even more and Rhea begins cares her hand with her thumb in an effort to comfort her.

“Since I was one of the youngest and not all that strong I thought I would go sooner, but I kept on living and suddenly I was the only one left. I was relieved because it meant my siblings didn’t have to suffer any longer, that I didn’t have to watch that anymore. And I knew, _knew_ with all my heart that soon it would be my time.”

Edelgard takes a long pause, and suddenly sounds angry, yet so soft.

“…But I lived.”

The hand grasping Rhea’s is paling with how tightly it’s gripping her own, but it’s one of the only tells of just how much this is affecting Edelgard.

“I didn’t even realize it at first, but suddenly I was aware that I had been rescued, that I had been back in Enbarr for days already. I lived, I survived. And they _didn’t._ ”

She stills for a moment, her breathing slightly labored as she stares wearily at the ceiling.

“And I didn’t understand it, I didn’t get _why._ I didn’t do anything different than they did. I was one of the youngest, I should have died but I _didn’t_. I just couldn’t figure out what I had done right, or _wrong,_ that caused me to live and them to die. I just didn’t _get it-_ I still don’t _get_ it. I didn’t do anything to _deserve_ to live.”

_You didn’t do anything to deserve to die, either._

Rhea almost says it, but manages to remember just in time that that very same Edelgard is by now, to be executed for her crimes against Fodlan

So she doesn’t say anything.

“But there I was, scarred and broken and weak. With a face I didn’t recognize when I looked in the mirror, yet I was also taller because it had been almost a year. And I felt so guilty, Rhea. It feels - _felt­­_ \- like it was my fault, somehow. That I caused them to die, that I _killed_ them because with me our captors had succeeded. If only they had succeeded on me sooner my siblings would have lived.”

They weaponized her, Rhea thinks to herself. They took everything from her bit by bit, made her feel like she was weak and lost, then suddenly forced her back into life, empowered her, _enraged_ her and send her into the direction they wanted her to go. Which turned out to be Rhea and her Church.

No wonder she would rampage with everything she had. It’s a surprise she did it so gracefully and with so much self-control, really.

“So I decided I would take the world on my own terms, from then on. To try and change the world into the image I had of it because for some reason, I didn’t die. I haven’t looked back since, never hesitated, and never doubted my actions even once.”

Edelgard is silent for a long time.

“… I won’t say I’m wrong, I still don’t regret my choices, I did what I felt was right. But… some of the things I did… Rhea, I cannot live with them. I did them because they needed to be done, it was necessary. And I could do them because I was nothing but a tool, a weapon, but I don’t think I can look back on them and accept that I am still human at the same time. I’ve simply done too much.”

She turns to move her gaze from the ceiling to meet Rhea’s.

“And when I talk to you now, it feels as if I get to understand myself better, through you. It’s as if I can feel myself reflect off of you, and it makes me feel things very deeply. And I want you to know me too, to understand me so I can be… judged. The people who will decide my fate officially, they will just look at the facts, the crimes I committed but they won’t look at how it made me _feel._ They don’t care about _me_. And everyone who did care for me is… is dead. And I need someone to judge me for my actions, to see right through me so I can determine if can still call myself _human_ before I die _.”_

She hesitates and it feels as if she’s struggling to ask her next question.

“So… would you? I know it’s easy for me to ask… since I have nothing left to lose. A-and that it’s different for you, you still have a life, a future. But you are _all_ I have.”

“I will,” Rhea says easily, although her voice sounds hoarse. And she will, she will do all she can to understand this girl with every fiber of her being. “Show me, please. Show me all of you.”

“Really?” Edelgard asks softly, like she doesn’t quite believe it. “You would do that for me?”

“Yes, I want to see… you. I need to, I think. Because I too, feel like I’m understanding myself better through you. And I…really want that.”

“…Alright then,”

“I won’t go easy on you, I warn you. I’m a very harsh judge.”

“I expect nothing less.” Edelgard says and smiles gently.

And then falls quiet, with a look on her face that says she’s trying really hard to come up with something to say, but can’t seem to come up with something that is good enough.

Rhea thinks she might as well be the one to start then and, while she’s at it, immediately dive into a subject that’s…complicated. But she’s curious.

She gently untangles their fingers and moves her hand upwards. She hesitates for a moment, because while she’s already… been there, that was impulsive and this is much more deliberate, before she softly touches and traces the bruises around Edelgard’s throat.

“Tell me then, why is it that you seem to… need this kind of thing so very deeply?” she says and adds just the faintest of pressure to her touch.

“That’s because of my time in captivity too, I think,” Edelgard says and when Rhea immediately stills and pales (because Goddess, _what has she done to this traumatized girl?_ ) hurriedly adds “Don’t look at me like that, I’m sound of mind, I swear!”

The gentle laughter from the girl below her helps Rhea believe her claim and she manages relax somewhat.

“I think it’s always been inside me really, but my time in there shaped and defined it, brought it into the light. Because when I was in there I felt _so_ weak, all the time. I had no control over anything, not even myself. So when I got out I wanted, _needed_ to be strong, so I’d be in control, especially of myself. And I got strong, I _am_ strong,” Edelgard says with complete and utter conviction. Rhea agrees, she is nothing if not strong.

“Eventually I realized that if you are truly strong it means you can be weak when faced with danger or pain or death, since it doesn’t affect you any longer. And that is because you _chose_ to do so. And that choice is what gives you strength, makes you the one who is truly in control, of yourself and of the one who is hurting you. S-so when you touch me like that it’s because _I_ am the one who wants you to and trusts you with myself. I’m the one who allows you make me feel weak and hurt, and that makes me feel very much in control… if a little vulnerable.”

She smiles sheepishly, and the blush on her face adds to her smile.

“And you’re really powerful and dangerous, Rhea. So when it’s _you_ who does this to me, it means I’m extra strong.”

Rhea suddenly finds she has a little trouble swallowing, because her throat feels very dry.

And she thinks that Edelgard can do this… thing where she makes sounds with her voice – _words-_ and she manages to do so in such an oddly intricate and complicated pattern – _sentences -_ that she puts in such a perfect order that they somehow pierce right through Rhea in exactly the way Rhea likes.

Heavens protect her, she really wants to kiss this girl.

“…You have a way with words, you know” she says eloquently, instead.

Edelgard all but beams at her at the compliment. “Thanks, I simply… feel things and add words to them until they sound pretty, really.”

“I think that’s what poetry is, yes.”

“Oh…, well, that’s another one of my hidden talents revealed then,” Edelgard laughs amusedly, though she seems genuinely enticed at the idea of herself being a poet.

“Hmm,” is all Rhea responds, still caressing the younger woman’s throat with her fingertips. She suddenly feels an impulse she cannot quite shake. Or doesn’t want to, really.

She gently splays her fingers across the girl’s throat, until her palm comes to rest on it as well, and immediately she feels the heavy and fast thrumming of a pulse against her own skin.

“Would you like it if I… now?” she sort of stutters. _Perfect._

Edelgard chuckles in amusement “You missed a few words there, I think. That’s not very _poetic_ of you _._ I can tell, because I’m the expert.”

And Rhea cannot help but smile at her. It’s so… light-hearted. Edelgard never seems to miss a beat, always knows exactly what to say at exactly the right moment for the optimal effect. She’s so quick with her words it only increases the strength of the impact.

Always in control.

She feels the white haired woman swallow against her hand.

“But yes… I would like that.”

Oh.

Now Rhea actually has to go through with what she offered, she realizes. And she’s not feeling very brave, since instead she’s feeling very embarrassed about how much the mere thought of doing this excites her. Because while Edelgard has a good and deep and complicated reason for her to want this, Rhea _really_ doesn’t.

But she likes pleasing Edelgard, she thinks. And for now that will have to be good enough of a reason.

It doesn’t occur to her anymore that the last time she thought about the very concept of ‘pleasing Edelgard’ she was of the completely opposite opinion than she is now.

She’s being much, _much_ gentler this time compared to the last time. Last time she was _angry_ and impulsively running on hate and revenge and cruelty.

And while that was nice and felt _good,_ this is also not unwelcome.

This time she’s in control of herself and instead of a desire for revenge and hurt she feels much more… caring. It’s hard to explain, even to herself, but when her hand closes around the former Emperor’s throat and she slowly increases the pressure, she’s overcome with a strong sense of caring. As if she wants to safeguard and protect the girl’s emotions as she helps her safely through her complicated feelings.

She feels nurturing, she settles on.

She has felt that sensation before, she thinks, to all of Fodlan. But never to an individual.

Yet as she watches Edelgard blush and her eyes immediately grow hazy as she melts into Rhea’s touch she’s definitely sure she feels nurturing.

Edelgard’s hand comes to rest once more on the top of her wrist, very gently. The other one she crosses over her own chest in a loose fist.

Rhea is careful not to bruise her skin this time, and she’s also only using one hand. So she doesn’t cut off Edelgard’s access to air completely, but just enough that she has to gasp and struggle to breathe.

It’s cute, Rhea thinks to herself, watching Edelgard tremble beneath her like this, looking at ease and not completely present. And while she indeed looks to be feeling very weak Rhea now knows for sure she’s being anything but.

It’s not enough however, she feels as she watches the girl in her lap shiver and struggle slightly against her grip.

She wants to somehow express her feeling of care, her desire to _nurture,_ in a way that’s not also functioning as an echo of her desire to kill Edelgard.

Because she still wants to do that too, very much so. Although her reason as to why is something she cannot fathom right now.

Luckily she still has another hand. And while that hand cannot really reach any part of Edelgard but her head without her arms becoming a tangled mess, it’s not an issue because that’s just perfect. She moves her hand to the side of the girl’s head and this way she can pour every ounce of her need to care for her into gently brushing through untamed white hair with her fingers.

It’s enough for Edelgard, who had been hazily staring at the ceiling until now, to be overwhelmed enough by the sensation that she has to close her eyes.

This way Rhea can look at her face all she wants without feeling embarrassed, which is something she immediately makes use of. She seems very serene, with a peaceful expression across her features, completely still.

Although, when Rhea casts a glance across the rest of the girls’ body it becomes clear not _all_ of her is completely still. She notices how the fist laying across her stomach seems to tremble and occasionally her fingers flex ever so slightly. When she looks lower and sees Edelgard’s thighs twitch something begins to dawn on her.

It isn’t until she catches the distinct sight of Edelgard flexing one of her feet, only for her to lazily drag it across her other ankle as if looking for some kind of friction, when Rhea realizes that while Edelgard might have been very open and truthful about some of the deeper feelings she’s having about this, it’s _very clear_ that she has also opted to keep an entirely different layer of feelings and sensations she’s experiencing to herself.

Huh.

She thinks she ought to feel something about this newfound knowledge. Either some kind of distaste or exhilaration, and if the sudden heat she feels in her core is anything to go by she knows which of those two she’d go for. It’s dizzying and makes her feel alive throughout her cells.

But she can’t quite find it in her to do anything with it and it occurs to Rhea the girl might not even want to share _what_ it is she feels with her to begin with.

Instead she feels an odd kind of enjoyment in simply watching Edelgard experiencing something deep within herself, _with_ herself. Even if Rhea is playing a crucial part in it.

And Rhea is perfectly fine in doing nothing about it.

Although… maybe.

“Such a _good girl,”_ she all but coos.

Immediately she’s rewarded by the sight of Edelgard impulsively jerking her knees and contracting the muscles across her stomach. Her eyes flutter open in shock and she has an expression that all but screams ’She said _The Words!’_

Rhea can’t help but laugh at the rather intense reaction and proceeds to let go of Edelgard’s throat at once. As this was much less a real danger for Edelgard and more of a symbolic ritual between them, Edelgard hardly even has to catch her breath.

She gets very red however, and can’t seem bear to have herself be visible any longer, promptly turning to lay on her side and burying her flustered face into Rhea’s stomach, as her hands come up near her own face to grab a fistful of the fabric of Rhea’s robes as well.

 _“Rhea!”,_ Edelgard exclaims embarrassedly into Rhea’s robes, her voice muffled by the fabric.

The Archbishop’s hand, which was still hanging in the air, comes to rest on the girls shoulder, rubbing it slightly to comfort the clearly distressed woman. “Don’t worry, it’s alright,” she says, trying to cure Edelgard of her embarrassment, yet can’t quite get the mirth out of her voice. “How are you feeling?”

There is a long moment of silence until she gets a response in the form of a muffled and very disgruntled “… _Good._ ”

“ _Just_ good?” Rhea can’t help but tease.

“… _Yes._ ”

“I take back what I said. You’re not good with words at all, I’m revoking your poet license,” Rhea hums, thinking she gets to be a little cruel after all.

_“…Noooooooooo.”_

Rhea cannot help but feel a surge of adoration rise inside of her at the response, and she’s sure that the feeling is audible in her uncontrollable laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here lies: Rhea (definitely not Seiros) the Saintly  
> Weep for her, for she is Gay of Heart & Dumb of Ass  
> Died from: A heart attack induced by self-instigated homoerotic hand-holding.
> 
> OR
> 
> 'BDSM and how to use this to cope with yourself & your past in a healthy way 101' with teacher El
> 
> I DEADASS had more trouble and second-hand embarrassment writing the hand-holding scene than the choking one and I 100% blame the internet for this.
> 
> On a serious note, if Edelgard feels a bit more open and truthful than she'd be canonically it's because she's 1) 27 here, 2) went through like 10 years of a fruitless war & has seen some shit, and most importantly 3) Feels like she has nothing left to lose so why not go all out and bare yourself in a last attempt at salvation.  
> Also writing Edelgard exposing her very soul to Rhea and all but handing her her very heart on a silver platter with the full knowledge Rhea could easily trample it if she wishes so is really cute.


	6. Eggs

“Rhea, could you perhaps tell me anything else about yourself?” Edelgard asks her the very next day.

Rhea doesn’t have an excuse to visit today either, but it doesn’t matter because she more or less promised Edelgard yesterday that she would come again today.

So she had no other choice, really.

(Seteth doesn’t know she’s here.)

By this point Rhea had decided to temporarily give up trying to maintain her perfect Archbishop imago and had just cancelled her meetings for the afternoon to visit Edelgard instead. Although some meetings would still be held, she’d simply be absent. All she had to do there was smile anyway. They;d think she’s simply feeling unwell, and no one is allowed to bother the Archbishop in her personal chambers.

“I’m perfectly ordinary, dear,” Rhea casually tells Edelgard once more.

“Yes, okay… How about a hint then?” the younger woman insists, not even bothering to play along with her.

Edelgard is laying in Rhea’s lap once again, lazily staring up at the ceiling with her arms spread behind her head _._ Rhea had thought that Edelgard laying in her lap would be considered a special occasion, as yesterday it came with a lot of complicated conversations and feelings beforehand.

Edelgard however, had clearly decided that this was to be the new standard and had promptly put her head in Rhea’s lap when she sat down next to her on the bed. Rhea had seriously considered being very rude and awkward about it but instead decided to go easy on herself for once.

By now her hand was loosely draped over Edelgard stomach, which the girl had immediately responded to by reaching out her own hand and intertwining their fingers, and Rhea’s other hand was absentmindedly playing with Edelgard’s white hair, vaguely attempting to tame it just a little.

“...Hmmm,” she ponders out loud.

She really shouldn’t give any hints and she knows this very well, but she catches herself already trying to come up with something relatively harmless to share and can’t help but smile when she finds just the perfect thing.

“I used to have pointy teeth too,” she hums.

“What, Really?”

“Yes, just my two incisors though,” Rhea reaffirms and opens her mouth slightly to show her now normal-looking teeth.

“What happened to them?” Edelgard asks, clearly deeply interested.

“I had to file them down. I could… sort of get away with them but it was incredibly exhausting to keep myself from smiling all the time or risk unnerving people in such a way it wasn’t enough for them to give me trouble but just enough for them to be very awkward and suspicious of me,” she responds dryly.

Edelgard laughs.

“Oh, that’s… a bit short-sighted of them. There are way, _way_ more things about you that are much more unnerving than that, they didn’t have their priorities straight,” Edelgard argues casually towards the ceiling.

“…Yes, but I can hide those things.”

“Not from _me,_ I saw right through them,” Edelgard says only half seriously, yet with just a hint of pride.

“…Perhaps some of them, dear. But your confidence is admirable.”

Edelgard grumbles something ineligible at her words, causing Rhea to smile despite herself.

“Alright then, so pointy ears and pointy teeth,” the younger woman muses. “That narrows down my list somewhat.”

“You have a _list?”_

“I do. Oh, but don’t worry,” Edelgard reassures her, meeting her eyes and looking very serious. “It’s way too long to be anywhere near useful, for now,” she finishes and sighs softly as if she’s a little sad about the fact.

“That’s… comforting.” _For now._

Edelgard suddenly turns to look at Rhea’s face, as if she’s studying it meticulously.

“How many eyes do you have?” she asks her a moment later.

“What, _eyes_? Just two…”

“...Oh.”

“You somehow sound…disappointed?”

“No, it’s simply… I don’t know. It’s hard to picture, it’s all so _vague_.” Edelgard remarks with a hint of frustration, clearly having trouble dealing with the lack of context she has.

“I’d prefer it if you’d stop picturing my secrets alltogether.”

“Hmmm,” Edelgard simply hums, which is a clear answer for Rhea, before something akin to deep concentration crosses over her features, as if she’s considering something important. “Say Rhea, just _how much_ like a human are you?”

“…Completely.”

“Yes, I mean, you _look_ like one, but how much do you _work_ like one?”

“I’m not sure what it is that you mean,” Rhea responds feeling slightly offended yet also curious where Edelgard is going with this.

“What I mean is…just how _compatible_ are you with _other_ uh… humans?” Edelgard tries again, suddenly sounding slightly awkward.

“I’m sorry?” Rhea asks, genuinely confused at this point.

She gets a frustrated sigh.

“Does your kind have _sex,_ Rhea,” Edelgard says rather unceremoniously. “With humans, I mean. The… uh, _human_ way.”

“… _What?”_

Edelgard is clearly getting flustered by her own crude attempt at getting more details out of Rhea, which is a whole new sight to behold on its own, and Rhea cannot help being amused by the girl’s obvious struggle to somehow talk herself through this successfully.

“I just wanted to know if you could… if it… works the same for you… _your_ kind. If it’s the same as with humans.” Edelgard clumsily tries to explain.

“…Are you asking me what I look like underneath my robes, becau-“

“No!” Edelgard interrupts her hurriedly, then stills for a moment.

A conflicted look passes over her features, before it morphs into mild distress.

“…Actually, I think I might have been, yes. I didn’t realize it. I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m just… curious,” she all but whispers, seemingly disturbed by her own accidental intentions.

Edelgard’s clear embarrassment gives Rhea an idea. The younger woman is at this point flustered enough that she probably cannot take much more, and Rhea will absolutely make use of this opportunity.

“Somehow I don’t get the feeling that that’s what you really wanted to ask,” she starts innocently.

“What do you mean?” Edelgard responds, falling for Rhea’s trap instantly. She’s just too curious for her own good.

“It feels more as if you’re asking if _Archbishops,_ who have taken a sacred oath of celibacy, may I remind you, would have sex with _Emperors._ Because, well… I think you can answer that one on your own if you try hard enough,” she finishes smoothly.

Edelgard abruptly shoots up from her lap, her face red as she clumsily flees away from Rhea.

“ _Rhea!_ ” she almost whines exasperatedly, twisting her lower body sideways, along with her head so she can look at Rhea again. “What!? That’s _inappropriate!_ We’re both women…”

Ah yes, because _that_ is the biggest problem with the idea, Rhea finds herself thinking. And not… _everything_ else.

Yet all Rhea really registers is that Edelgard called her a _woman._

“Inappropriate? That’s brave coming the girl who just, not so subtly, tried to uncover the holy Archbishop’s personal sex life,” Rhea kindly reminds the younger woman, instantly making her even more flustered.

“That was _not_ what I was doing!” Edelgard exclaims but she’s getting sufficiently more embarrassed that it’s clear she’s realizing her own trespassing. “I just wanted to know if you could possibly… have children with humans… in the same way,” she argues weakly, trying to regain some credibility.

And then proceeds to make it even worse for herself.

“I don’t know… I thought you might lay eggs or something, instead,” she mutters stubbornly.

“ _Eggs?!_ Edelgard, what do you take me for!? I’m not some kind of _bird!_ ”

“…I mean that’s a possibility too, but I was thinking more along the lines of something like a lizard...” Edelgard tries but she says it so lamely it’s evident she’s severely regretting the direction this conversation is taking.

And while a lizard is already much closer than a _bird,_ Rhea feels that Edelgard really ought to stop assuming so many things about her, no matter if she’s simply being curious.

“Why would you ask me any of this?” she says, mildly annoyed because these subjects are very _delicate_ and _personal_.

“I’m sorry…” Edelgard mutters weakly. “I’m being really rude, aren’t I?”

“Yes, and very _wrong_ as well,” Rhea responds and sighs.

Edelgard finally fully turns around to face Rhea once more, proceeding to sit on her knees with her hands placed in front of them for support.

“I’m sorry,” Edelgard says again, “I suppose what I really wanted to ask was if… if you have any children.”

“That is… that is really none of your business either.”

“Right, sorry. I’m sorry…” the Emperor murmurs and she suddenly seems like she very badly wants to sink into the floor and disappear. “Sorry, I just wanted to know more about… about _you._ But I don’t know how to ask that correctly and it’s _so_ complicated, especially because you probably shouldn’t be telling me anything to begin with… But you gave me all these hints and I just… couldn’t stop thinking…” she finishes quietly and she seems very tiny all of a sudden.

Edelgard has always been cunning and perceptive, Rhea muses, and she has always fiercely and determinedly pursued whatever she sought after with dedication.

She’s nothing if not pragmatic.

Yet in the past days Rhea has seen many other sides from the girl, her quick humor and playfulness, her deeper understanding of religion and other people, even her odd sort of unique kindness and mercy. But the most profound thing that seems to encompass all of Edelgard is her insatiable curiosity, and that curiosity bleeds into every other aspect of her.

Edelgard just wants to _know._

It aids her in all aspects of her personality, giving her the determination to endlessly devour religious texts and the drive to always analyze other people as to understand them better.

But it also makes her ruthless.

Give her one sliver of information, just a hint, and she’ll take it greedily and devour it until she has exhausted every possibility, connecting it to everything else she already knows to create an even bigger picture. And Edelgard is so very _good_ at making connections.

It’s likely almost a passive skill for Edelgard, Rhea thinks. Once she is exposed to any kind of detail her brain automatically analyses it mercilessly and connects it to all of her other knowledge. Edelgard wants to understand everything, and will go to great lengths to do so.

Although right now the former Emperor seems to be deeply ashamed of her relentless and uncontrollable greed for knowledge, unable to even meet Rhea’s eyes, staring down at her own hands instead.

And Rhea cannot help but take pity on her.

“I don’t have any, no,” she finds herself saying. “Children, I mean. I have never been able to think of myself as… motherly. I don’t think I could be like that.”

When she says this Edelgard immediately meets her eyes once more. Her expression is surprised at first, because why would Rhea still reveal this after her offense?

After a moment it turns into something more akin to protest.

All in all it’s a surprise how quickly the girl shifts gears.

“But you are the _Archbishop,_ Rhea.” Edelgard argues. “There is nothing more motherly in the world than _that._ You are literally _the_ mother figure for all of Fodlan,” she says almost accusingly.

Rhea cannot help but laugh quietly at her determined response. “I suppose you have a point there. Although… a mother figure is not quite the same as an actual mother, I think.”

“Perhaps not no, but surely the necessary skills overlap somewhat.” Edelgard still insists but her voice is gentler now.

“…I simply feel that I can never be the kind of mother my own Mother was,” Rhea speaks up, suddenly giving this more thoughts and feelings than she’d expected. “My Mother was… well she was just _always_ a mother, no matter what. I don’t think I can ever be like that, I just… feel too many things for that.”

Like hatred.

And vindictiveness.

And so many other things that make her too _weak_ to ever be a good mother.

“But…” Edelgard says as she seems to mull over something in her head. “But you consider the _Goddess_ to be your mother, correct?” she asks, and Rhea nods slowly before she realizes that that’s yet another tiny bit of information for the girl’s brain to chop into pieces and process. Ah, well.

Edelgard looks to be in deep thought for a moment, before apparently coming to a conclusion. “I’ll admit I don’t quite see how that is possible, but if you really see the Goddess as your mother then _of course_ you’ll never be like your mother since she was not just any mother, she was _the_ Mother _._ Motherhood was one of her powers, it’s a bit unfair of you to hold yourself to that standard, don’t you think?”

And while Edelgard might be saying it a bit crudely, she’s not _wrong._ It dawns on Rhea that whenever she thinks of herself she sees herself as ‘the Child of the Goddess’ and the Goddess is someone whose likelihood she should pursue to achieve and whom she endlessly compares herself with.

And she’s never good enough, she’ll never love and care for humanity the way her Mother could.

Yet when Edelgard sees her it feels as if she just sees… her.

Of course Edelgard doesn’t know the truth, but she does knows much more about Rhea than she can normally reveal safely within the confines of her Archbishop persona.

And it’s _Rhea_ she knows.

Not ‘the Child of the Goddess’ nor ‘the Archbishop of the Church of Seiros’.

And Edelgard seems to accept just that, just _her_ , with all her hate and vindictiveness and other flaws, she even welcomes it. It occurs to Rhea that in her own way Edelgard is being careful and patient with her, and Edelgard has been known for many things throughout her life but gentleness and patience was never among those.

So even though the prospect of motherhood doesn’t feel any closer, all of a sudden it does feel like some kind of burden falls from her shoulders. As if something far into an impossible future just started shining a little brighter.

She knows she’s smiling, but she can’t seem to stop it. It’s almost embarrassing.

“Well, I’ll… keep that in mind,” she says and feels so warm all of a sudden. “…for the future,” she adds and suddenly it’s something way too delicate, intimate and personal to even think about.

It’s frightening, to daunting.

“What about you?” she says in an attempt to divert the intensity of the conversation away from herself.

And realizes her mistake.

And freezes.

“No, _wait_ , I’m sorry. Don’t answer that,” she hurriedly continues, because she remembers it’s clearly sensitive and personal for Edelgard. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

Edelgard smiles at her in reassurance. “It’s alright,” she says softly. “I suppose that makes two of us,” she finishes and laughs quietly.

The younger woman shifts her position somewhat, sitting up a little straighter. “I never gave it much thought, to be honest,” she says. “I didn’t even find out I… that I couldn’t have children anymore until I was a student here at Garreg Mach and even then it was simply an accidental result because of another research I was undergoing at the time.”

She shivers slightly and casts aside her eyes momentarily, making Rhea unnerved at the thought of what kind of research she was undergoing and who was performing it.

“I had never even thought about it so I didn’t really know how to feel about the knowledge. I was always planning on abdicating after I had reached my goals for Fodlan, you know. I was going to appoint worthy successors, not… not _heirs._ ”

That’s… an odd but interesting way to look at right of succession, Rhea thinks. She wonders what Edelgard would have wanted her Empire to be like once she abdicated.

Edelgard hesitates before continuing.

“So it didn’t matter, it shouldn’t have, at least. …I couldn’t really put it into words back then, but it felt as if something important had been taken from me before I could even learn it might be important. It was… yet another choice taken from me by others, and that felt… wrong.”

It’s not something one thinks lightly about, Rhea thinks, especially not a child. No wonder Edelgard didn’t understand how to deal with the revelation.

Edelgard smiles sheepishly, yet her eyes turn fragile. “It’s probably somewhat hard to go into battle as often as I did while being pregnant anyway, I’d assume.”

She’s quiet for a moment and what little humor she was feeling gradually begins to drain from her expression.

“I suppose… I did think it would have been nice if the halls of Enbarr’s castle would have stopped being so… empty. When I lived there with my siblings it was always loud and I’d never be sure who I’d run into or where I’d have to search if I was looking for someone. It had gotten so quiet after I returned as Emperor, after my father passed, that was… confronting to me.”

Something soft comes over Edelgard and for a moment there is a warm smile on her features and her voice is wistful.

“I couldn’t help but wonder how it would have been if there had been other people to fill the emptiness with, to talk with, to listen to and maybe even to care for.”

Slowly something settles over Edelgard, as eyes widen and glaze over, and something deeply painful crosses over her features, as if something shifts inside her that she simply cannot begin to comprehend because it’s too much to bear.

“Actually… I think I might have really wanted to be a m-mother _,”_ she whispers in quiet agony, choking on the last words before quickly burying her face into her hands in a vain attempt to muffle despairing cry of agony.

_Oh._

Almost in an instant Edelgard is crying heavily, her body being wracked as tremors roll through her shoulders, stemming from her grief.

“I’m sorry,” Rhea starts uselessly, almost immediately panicking “I shouldn’t have brought it up, I’m sorry.”

Edelgard strains herself to regain enough coherence to speak up again, and even when she does it’s barely legible and in-between crying. “It’s a-alright,” she stutters, “It seems to be another side of me I never discovered. I’m glad I get to k-know now, at least” Edelgard manages to get out through pained aounds of grief.

Rhea reaches out her hand to caress her back, but the comfort it gives is minimal.

She has no idea what to even do.

Edelgard is clearly struggling, unable to speak as she cries uncontrollably for a long moment, her shoulders heaving and her body trembling.

“It’s not just a mother,” she finally stammers, breathing heavily in an attempt to keep herself under control. “I wish I could have been a friend or lover or once again a sister to anyone,” she says, trying to remain coherent but her voice is so hoarse it’s faltering and her words are interrupted by her own cries.

She stills all of a sudden, her crying diminishing to a minimum, eyes haunted with pain and agony.

“I just wish I could have been…” she cries quietly, “ _someone_ to anyone.”

Rhea is frozen as she listens to her words, stuck somewhere in between guilt and dread.

“…Just _anything_ else than Emperor,” Edelgard manages to whimper before she completely loses herself in her tears once again, chest heaving as she tries to control her labored breathing.

It’s… it’s heartbreaking to watch her unfold.

She makes a sound of such deep anguish that it cuts through Rhea’s spine like a blade.

The Archbishop realizes she wasn’t prepared for this when she promised the other woman she’d help her get to know herself and judge her. What is there even to judge here? There is no crime, no sin to speak of, just _pain._

Pain that Rhea understands.

Edelgard is mourning the person she never got to grow into and whom she now knows she’ll never be. She’s grieving for the future she’ll never have and the realization is devastating her.

She never got _to be._

And Rhea feels unsettled when she considers what kind of beautiful and strong person Edelgard could have been, had she been given the chance.

A life so incomplete.

It’s a deeply unnerving and agonizing kind of loss that’s just incomprehensible for a human.

The realization that it’s _too late._

It’s not the kind of loss that one can simply comfort with words.

What would Rhea even say? That Edelgard is someone to her? That she does care? It’s almost disgustingly selfish to think that that would make any difference to the girl who never got to care for anyone herself.

Yet her care for Edelgard is not without reason. Reasons that mean Edelgard is someone.

She takes one look at the crumbled Emperor, who is still being terrorized by her own anguish.

It’ll just have to do.

Rhea reaches out for the crying girl’s wrist, grasping it and tugging at it gently.

“Come, please…” she says softly yet audibly enough that she’s certain Edelgard will hear it over her sobbing. When Edelgard looks up to meet her gaze, a pained expression on her features and eyes so dull she seems to barely even register her words, Rhea repeats herself. “Edelgard, come please...let me hold you.”

It’s an almost instinctive need to hold her, and briefly Rhea wonders if it’s even what Edelgard needs, if it’s not just what she herself wants to cope with this confronting sight that’s just impossible to bear witness to.

Yet Edelgard nods weakly and follows along as Rhea pulls her wrist towards herself, and she seems almost relieved by the distraction from her own thoughts and feelings.

It’s not enough but it’ll have to do.

She pulls Edelgard’s arm over herself to her other side, and when the girl gets close enough to her body Rhea’s other arm snakes around her waist, gently nudging the girl to climb on top of her. It takes Edelgard a moment to get what Rhea means for her to do but once she does she wordlessly obliges, surrendering herself to Rhea’s guiding hands. She places the hand Rhea had been holding on one of Rhea’s shoulders and her other free hand comes to rest on Rhea’s other shoulder.

Clumsily she moves one of her legs over Rhea’s own legs so her knee comes rests on the bed on her other side. Rhea has to keep her arm around the girl’s waist to help her do so, pulling her over herself. The chain between her ankles is just long enough that they let her do this, with the stretched chain spreading across Rhea’s own legs somewhere under her knees.

Once Edelgard is straddling her she leans back and her hands grasp the robes around Rhea’s shoulders tightly. She meets Rhea’s eyes with a dull yet pained expression, with just the faintest of blushes gracing her features. It’s as if she has simply opted to give in to her pain and just wants someone to _see,_ no matter if it will hurt even more.

Rhea has to resist the urge to embrace her tightly right there.

Instead she gently grabs Edelgard with both hands just underneath her shoulder blades, causing Edelgard to still in her grasp and something to stir in her eyes.

When Rhea speaks it’s from her heart.

“You’re _you_ ,” she says and prays she’ll be able to find the right words. “There are so many different parts of you and they’re all inside you, they’ve always been,” she says, desperate to get her intentions across.

She reaches to place a soft kiss against the top of Edelgard’s head. “And I find myself caring for all those parts inside you. You’re wonderful,” she murmurs against her skin.

When she moves back so she can look into the younger woman’s eyes once more she notices they’ve gone wide and slightly less dull.

“There has always been so much inside you, you’ve always been _someone,_ ” Rhea finishes.

She desperately hopes her words provided some comfort and didn’t hurt Edelgard even more instead. When more tears start welling up in the girl’s eyes and she’s once more overtaken by crying Rhea feels her heart drop, fearing she failed.

She almost breathes out in relief when just the tiniest of smiles appears on Edelgard’s lips.

“ _Wonderful,”_ she chokes out. “I’m… wonderful,” she repeats slowly, as if she’s trying to make it more tangible.

“Yes, you are,” Rhea reassures her as gently as she can.

Edelgard moves to raise her hands towards her face and tries to wipe the tears away, but they keep coming and a moment later she gives up and simply buries her face into her hands instead.

Before she can lose herself to tears again Rhea wraps both her hands around the younger woman’s waist and gently pulls her towards herself. Edelgard gets her intention a moment later and let’s herself fall forward, burying her face into the crook of Rhea’s neck and grasping the fabric of her robes around her chest tightly with her hands.

Rhea increases her grip and pulls Edelgard into herself, causing Edelgard to shift her position and move forward until their bodies are pressing against each other.

It’s very warm, Rhea thinks, and she feels so lightheaded she has trouble focusing on the world around her, all she feels is Edelgard’s body, her warmth, her thrumming heartbeat in her chest and her labored breathing in her lungs.

“I’m s-sorry,” Edelgard quietly stutters into her neck. “I can’t stop crying.”

“Shhh,” Rhea hushes her gently. “Don’t be, sweet girl. Cry as much as you need, I’m here,” she utters quietly into the girl’s hair and proceeds to draw slow circles against the girl’s back with one of her hands, hoping to calm her just a little.

“Shhh, just be you. Let it out, dear one.”

They stay like this for a long time, with Rhea holding the trembling and weeping girl against her until slowly her crying begins to subside.

After a while the room slowly begins to get more silent and a little while longer it's gone quiet once again.

Edelgard sighs contently against the skin of Rhea’s neck, sending a wave of pleasant shivers down her spine.

“Which parts?” Edelgard eventually mutters quietly.

“Hmm?”

“Which parts of me do you find wonderful?” Edelgard asks her intently

“Ah, uhm well...” Rhea tries, trying to find the right words.

“Tell me,” the younger woman insists, sounding almost needy. “Please.”

And so Rhea does.

“You’re beautiful in many different ways,” she starts. “I must admit that when I saw you back on the battlefield I found you so utterly captivating even though all I felt for you was hate. Yet the way you fought, so alive and determined, with grace and conviction, it was impossible not to be in awe.”

She pauses, thinking of what exactly she wants to tell Edelgard and hoping she won’t struggle saying it.

“After that I’ve gotten to see so many more sides of you that I find myself in awe of,” she confesses

She tells Edelgard everything she has noticed about her so far, hoping to paint even a half-way decent picture of what she seems like to Rhea. She talks about her playfulness and intelligence, her strange mercy and her complicated feelings about so many things. About how she’s just so _damn good_ at getting under Rhea’s skin.

At this Edelgard giggles quietly against her throat, and Rhea involuntary tightens her grip around the woman’s waist for a moment.

“The most profound thing in you is simply your unyielding curiosity, and it makes you both so earnest in your ways and also an _absolute_ little terror who will _not_ leave me be,” she finishes, mirth lacing her voice.

At that Edelgard shifts backwards so she can face Rhea again, a sheepish smile adorn her features, making her look less than apologetic.

“I told you I’m not letting that go,” she says and grins widely, eyes still red from crying but with her tears almost dried. “Now that I can cross eggs of my list I can narrow it down enough to start coming up with very suspicious theories about you,” she says, nodding seriously.

“Evil monster,” Rhea chides her, though amusement is evident in her voice.

“That’s one of the theories, yes,” Edelgard responds smoothly, effortlessly.

Rhea just responds with a condescending look, narrowing her eyes.

And promptly they both start laughing.

After Edelgard regains her bearings she speaks up again. “You know, underneath all the religious decorations and accessories you wear you are secretly hiding a real person,” she says, smiling.

“Thank you,” Rhea responds genuinely, “although that is truly one of the reasons I wear them.”

“Hmm, what are the reasons, then?” comes the ever curious response.

“Well it’s customary, for starters, but I also wear them to… to hide, I suppose. The symbolic and religious imagery helps me distance me from others, so they see the Archbishop and not…me.”

“Why don’t you want to be seen?”

“Because it frightens me…People look at me and they see nothing but kindness, virtue, love, devotion, all of those things. I simply cannot help but worry they would be disappointed or disillusioned, even angry, if they’d see… me,” Rhea admits, and it’s a conflict she struggles with often.

As if she’ll never be the person everyone thinks she is.

Some kind of impostor who has fooled them all.

“Yes, they might truly start to believe you’re a real human being and wouldn’t _that_ be awful,” Edelgard says jokingly but then smiles and reaches for Rhea’s hand with her own to intertwine their fingers once again. “You’re worthy,” she insists. “And if other people can’t see that then they’re not worthy of you.”

The words reach Rhea so deeply it’s almost too much. She wasn’t aware that this was that important to herself.

“…Thank you,” she says quietly, at a loss for words.

Edelgard flashes her a small smile and speaks up again. “I can relate to your intentions as well. It’s the same reason why I went with ‘Emperor’ instead of ‘Empress’, despite what people said….”

Rhea had always wondered why Edelgard chose to bear that title.

“Could you explain that?”

“Hmm, well in a way ‘Emperor’ felt more… immaculate and detached from myself. I know it’s technically a masculine term but a lot of masculine titles are used neutrally. It just felt less… personal.” Edelgard explains carefully, yet almost mechanical in her words.

“’Empress’ felt as if… not a weakness but an opening for people to get a grasp on me, because it said something about me. I didn’t want people to see… me. Just a ruler, not a person,” she adds with almost careless indifference.

A weapon, not a human.

A title, not a woman.

It’s hard to comprehend the lengths Edelgard had gone to erase herself and conceal what she couldn’t from the world.

She squeezes Rhea’s hand in hers, “So yes, I can understand why you’d hide behind decorations, because I too was hiding behind something.”

“Would you like to see me without them?” Rhea asks without thinking, yet hardly regretting it.

When Edelgard turns to look as flustered as Rhea suddenly feels she quickly adds “Just the ones on my head I mean…”

The younger woman looks at her for a long moment, a curious look on her features, before nodding slowly

“Yes, I think I’d like that,” she says quietly, sounding almost tender.

“…Alright then.”

As Rhea begins to slowly move her hands towards her head Edelgard interrupts her.

“Wait… can I do it for you instead?” she asks carefully.

The thought is somewhat frightening, because she hasn’t felt someone’s hands that close to her head in a long time, yet not altogether unpleasant.

She nods in return, dropping her hands to let them rest on Edelgard’s waist again and meets Edelgard’s eyes, giving her permission to do it instead of her.

Edelgard stirs and immediately loses herself in complete concentration. She’s clearly nervous, as her hands tremble ever so slightly once they reach for Rhea’s head. 

She’s somewhat clumsy at it, occasionally pulling a strand of Rhea’s hair, but somehow she makes it all feel incredibly intimate, sensual even. She delicately brushes Rhea’s hair to the side and with just the ghost of her fingertips she traces alongside Rhea’s head, causing Rhea to lean into her touch ever so slightly.

After hesitating just a moment Edelgard begins to search for the clasps that keep Rhea’s ornaments in place, carefully undoing them once she finds them.

First she takes of the circlet around Rhea’s head. There is a look of deep concentration on her features, with her brows furrowed and her mouth slightly agape, as she feels around looking for the clasp on the back of Rhea’s head. With a soft click it opens and Edelgard is careful when she removes the headgear and puts it on the bed next to them.

She moves her hands back to Rhea’s hair, carefully reaching around her head to look for a way to remove her golden headpiece without hurting her, playing with her hair as she goes on meticulously.

The touches makes Rhea gasp for air shiver pleasantly and she knows Edelgard can see it, yet that somehow makes it feel even better. She’s suddenly aware she _wants_ Edelgard to see. It dawns on her she enjoys feeling exposed to the other woman, both like this and when she bares her soul. She tightens her grip on Edelgard’s waist and presses the girl against herself slightly harder, causing Edelgard to take a sudden deep breath and momentarily falter in her actions.

“You’re being very gentle,” Rhea says softly. “It’s nice.”

“Hmmm,” is the only response she gets, although a hint of a smile ghosts over the girl’s features.

Edelgard starts fumbling with the little clasp on Rhea’s headdress and she bites her lip in frustration. Rhea can’t help but smile at her efforts. It’s understandable, the little pin that keeps it in place takes some practice to undo in one go.

She reaches for Edelgard’s hands with her own, which are by now an expert at doing this, and guides her hands towards where you need to pull for it to work.

“There,” she says gently.

Edelgard nods in quiet understanding as she finally manages to pull the pin out and proceeds to take of the headdress as well.

“Even the lilies?” the younger woman asks her carefully when only they are left. It would show her ears, Rhea realizes.

She smiles.

“Yes, even those. Go ahead.”

Ede;gard takes them out of her hair one by one and gently places them on the bed along with the rest, before moving back to look at Rhea.

Her stare is… very intense and Rhea feels very bare of a sudden, so she crumbles underneath it instantly.

“My robe is simply yet another decoration, you can take it off too if you’d like…” she hears herself say, either because she’s feeling too exposed or still not exposed enough, she doesn’t know.

Edelgard swallows hard, yet moves to do so wordlessly. Rhea has to help her get it off more easily, first helping her untie the bows in front of her chest before moving her arms into a better angle for Edelgard to be able to get the robe of her shoulders, baring them in the process. She’s sitting on some of the fabric and with Edelgard still straddling her hips she can’t really remove it from underneath her so instead she just lets it just pool around her waist.

This time, when Edelgard resumes to look at her she has nothing else to take off anymore to divert the girl’s gaze, or else she’d be naked very soon. But she might as well be naked because it suddenly feels as if Edelgard can see right through her very being and has the power to make it _hurt,_ should she choose to do so.

Rhea suddenly feels so… human. She hardly ever feels like this anymore, only when she’s in her nightgown huddled in her blankets. And there is never someone around to see her in those moments, no one to acknowledge that she feels human, that she simply _feels_. She hasn’t left her chambers looking anything less than holy and perfect and _distant_ in so long, she realizes. No one ever sees _her._

But now Edelgard is seeing her while she feels much more exposed and unable to hide behind her usual layers. She couldn’t be the perfect Archbishop right now even if she wanted to.

It feels good to be seen like this, unable to conceal herself for one.

“You’re so beautiful,” Edelgard sighs, sounding almost content. “And so very human too,” she adds quietly, somehow exactly seeing in Rhea what she is feeling herself.

“Hmm, even with my ears?” Rhea asks carefully, because they’re very visible and she can’t help but wonder if she doesn’t seem unnatural to the younger woman.

Edelgard simply smiles.

“Yes, I don’t think the shape of ones ears is what decides if someone is human or not,” she says.

“Then what made you decide I seem human to you?” Rhea questions her curiously

“…The way you’re making me feel,” Edelgard all but whispers and even though there is tension and vulnerability in her eyes when she says it, she keeps maintaining eye contact.

“Oh,” is all that Rhea manages to respond with, because a strong sensation jolts through her spine and robs her from her speech. It might have been a rude response if it wasn’t for the uncontrollable smile she feels spreading across her features, and likely the blush as well.

Almost impulsively Rhea pulls Edelgard a little closer and starts stroking her fingers up and down along Edelgard’s back, going up all the way to her shoulders and back down again as Edelgard shivers slightly and leans into her touch. Rhea has to cast her eyes downwards because suddenly it’s all a little too much.

It isn’t until she touches Edelgard just pleasantly enough that she hears her gasp and feels her body squirm against her own, only to feel Edelgard’s hips push into her own ever so slightly, that her eyes dart back up to meet lilac ones again.

Edelgard holds their gaze with some effort, her eyes lidded and slightly unfocused. She looks vulnerable, but willingly so. Almost as if she’s revealing her heart and asking Rhea to pierce right though it. There are swirling so many intense and unconcealed emotions behind her eyes that Rhea doesn’t know what to feel anymore, it’s as if she’s feeling everything at once.

It’s trust, Rhea realizes.

Edelgard trusts her, enough that she wants to show herself, her weaknesses and her heart to Rhea, knowing full well Rhea could hurt her deeply if she wanted to.

Instead Rhea becomes aware she trusts Edelgard as well, otherwise it wouldn’t feel so good exposing herself -her _true_ self- to the other woman. She finds she wants every little piece of herself to be consumed by Edelgard’s endless greed and boundless curiosity.

_Let her see me, let her see right through me._

Gradually Edelgard regains some of her focus and for a moment she seems to be considering something.

“Rhea, may I kiss you?” she asks so freely, unguarded and _completely out of nowhere!_

Although…

Once other parts of Rhea’s brain manage to catch up with the half-working permanently flustered part of it, along with her memories, she feels that there might have been _several_ instances that could have possibly led to Edelgard asking such a question, not in the least the fact that the girl is currently straddling her own hips solely because of Rhea’s own actions.

So maybe not _completely_ out of nowhere.

It’s polite of her though, Rhea muses, that she’d ask permission first, since now it gives Rhea the perfect opportunity to be one step ahead of her for once.

She stills her hands around the girl’s waist, keeping her in place, and leans over to gently press her lips against Edelgard’s own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "El & how to respectfully approach delicate differences between someone's body and your own."
> 
> Also I made THE BEST fucking concealed sex joke in my life about this fic.  
> I was visiting my mother and she asked if 'I had been up to anything creative lately'. To which I responded that I was writing a story, so of course she asks what it's about. And well, lets say I've disappointed my mother enough in my lifetime that it's better for her if I don't gush about my 'hyperfocus on a game about anime chess with child-soldiers, lesbians and dragons'  
> So I responded with:  
> "It's about Religion and Monarchy and how they're going to come together"  
> To which she responded:  
> "Oh that's deep, seems like something you like"
> 
> Indeed I do, mother.


	7. For Fodlan

Edelgard’s eyes widen and she stills in surprise for just the slightest of moments when Rhea’s lips come to rest against her own. Rhea’s intention had been a simple innocent and fleeting kiss to tease Edelgard for being ahead of the younger woman for once, but when Edelgard catches her bearings and returns the kiss it’s clear she’s going to make it last.

She’s careful as she slowly moves her lips against Rhea’s own, almost clumsily so, and Rhea realizes she’s likely very inexperienced. She gets distracted with every new sensation and can’t quite get a feeling for how much pressure and contact works best, alternating between slightly too much pressure and hardly any as she experiments.

It’s… it’s somehow incredibly endearing.

Rhea easily matches Edelgard’s inconsistent pacing however, kissing her back as gently as she can muster and giving Edelgard the time she needs to adjust. Edelgard hardly even breathes, so focused she is on kissing Rhea’s lips.

It’s nice, Rhea thinks, to be so intimate and gentle with Edelgard, to have her so close to Rhea’s own body. Their shared warmth sends pleasant shivers through her spine and if the slight trembling Rhea can feel from Edelgard’s body are anything to go by, she must be feeling something similar.

She lets the both of then enjoy these new sensations and Rhea doesn’t think she’ll ever get enough of the feeling of Edelgard’s body shifting against her own and their unhurried kisses.

Rhea ends the kiss after what both feels like forever and not nearly long enough, eliciting a frustrated noise from the younger woman.

“You need to breathe, dear. I can’t have you faint against my lips because insisted on kissing me.”

Edelgard nods weakly and focuses on her breathing until it becomes slow and steady once again. She has a blush adorning her features and a small smile she can’t seem to control. There is a spark in her eyes which make her seem so _alive._

It makes Rhea feel so many comfortable and pleasant feelings that it’s becoming hard to think, but who needs thoughts and words anyway, she idly muses to herself.

When Edelgard regains her bearing she almost instantly leans in again and their lips meet once more. This time it’s clear she is going for another tactic, she’s going to be creative. She kisses Rhea’s lips with such passion that Rhea feel the tendrils of pleasure go down all the way to her core. Yet the kiss is fleeting because mere a moment later Edelgard breaks their kiss. Before Rhea can be frustrated about it she suddenly feels other places being kissed. She feels Edelgard’s lips kissing her forehead, her cheeks and finally her neck. She kisses and licks there at an agonizingly slow pace, leaving Rhea’s vocabulary rather limited all a sudden, as she realizes she’s hearing herself quietly utter things like “Keep doing that, please.”

Edelgard happily obliges, listening to all of Rhea’s instruction with fervor as she continuous her gentle assault, eventually pressing her lips against Rhea’s again with a soft sign of satisfaction.

Rhea thinks she could easily spend hours simply enjoying the feeling of Edelgard’s mouth move against her own as she leisurely explores what feels good on her own accord. The unrelenting sensations are sending pleasant shivers down Rhea spine and she’s getting slightly light-headed.

Sadly for her, Edelgard eventually gets so engulfed by the sensations herself has to pull back, albeit reluctantly so. It’s clear to Rhea that she’s slightly overwhelmed, if her heavy breathing, the reddening blush on her features and closed eyes are anything to go by.

Whatever caused Edelgard to be so affected like this.

It’s oddly innocent.

As Edelgard’s breathing comes back to a regular pace a shy, almost guilty looking smile covers her features as stares downward.

“Rhea, we…” she utters and looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes, stopping in her words and opting to simply smile sheepishly at her instead.

Rhea chuckles lightly, “Hmm indeed _we_ , dear one,” she teases airily.

Edelgard turn to looks slightly puzzled. “But _why?_ ” she asks with innocent curiosity.

“Hmm, I am not sure,” Rhea muses and then smiles. “But I feel as if it was inevitable, somehow.”

At that Edelgard chuckles. “Yes, I think I understand what you mean.”

The atmosphere between them is so pleasant, as if the room is thrumming with quiet excitement.

Edelgard’s expression turns into one of mock hurt. “I asked _first,_ you know,” she grumbles jokingly.

“And yet you were too slow,” Rhea retorts easily.

The white haired woman pouts at her momentarily, looking less than genuine, until a look of determination bleeds into her features.

She leans in and claims Rhea’s lips once more, continuing their earlier pace effortlessly. Two hands come to rest against Rhea’s shoulders and she’s gently being pushed backwards.

Giving in, she lets herself be pushed until her back bumps softly into the wall behind her, moving to lean her head against it as well. Edelgard had followed her along smoothly, never once breaking their kiss.

The younger woman’s hands find and close over Rhea’s wrists and she nimbly raises them upwards until both of her wrists come to rest against the wall right next to the sides of Rhea’s head. Edelgard loosens her grip on them slightly and instead starts to gently caress one of Rhea’s wrists with her thumb, causing Rhea to gasp quietly against the other woman’s mouth.

The way Edelgard is pinning her wrists against the wall is hardly controlling or forceful, in fact it’s more like the opposite. Instead of wanting control over Rhea her intention seems to be more to keep control over herself. She needs to know where Rhea’s hands are so she can focus on kissing her without having to take into account where Rhea’s hands might wander, as that might just flood her senses in a way she won’t be able to handle.

Rhea has very little complains about it.

She simply relaxes into the touch and lets herself be kissed, letting Edelgard explore and enjoy herself as long as she wants and helping the girl find a comfortable pace between them. The feeling of Edelgard’s mouth and body against her own is pleasant yet not too intense and she finds an odd sense of calm in being touched like this.

It’s tender, she thinks.

Slowly she loses herself in the sensations. They make it hard to think and the one thing on her mind is Edelgard and how free she looks.

She sighs contently against Edelgard lips, which Edelgard picks up on and slightly grazes Rhea’s lips with her teeth before resuming their kissing. That simple act opens a whole new dimension, Rhea thinks. The next moment Edelgard’s mouth covers her own Rhea can’t help but gently swipe her tongue against Edelgard’s lips. The other woman stills for a moment, unsure of what to do, but Edelgard is creative and intuitive and so _curious_ , so a mere moment later she opens her own mouth slightly and when their mouths meet each other, inside their tongues move against each other was well.

All of Rhea’s thoughts and feelings are occupied by Edelgard. Simply _everything_ is Edelgard and that’s enough.

She wishes it would last forever.

Which it might have for all she knows, but eventually even forever doesn’t seem to last.

Edelgard breaks their kiss once more and leans back to sit onto Rhea’s thighs. She keeps her eyes closed for a little while longer and her mouth is slightly agape as she breathes in and out slowly, seemingly in a daze.

“Feels so nice,” she mutters eventually, opening her eyes slightly to peek at Rhea, looking flustered with a small and shy smile on her features.

“Hmm, doesn’t it?” Rhea hums in return smiling in return.

Edelgard seems to consider something, still smiling faintly. She lets go of Rhea’s wrists and entwines the fingers of both of their hands instead, letting them rest in between them as she gently plays with Rhea’s fingers.

“Rhea, what are you doing to me?” she sighs softly. “How could you?”

Before Rhea can respond, or even begin to feel accused, Edelgard continues.

“My feelings for you have become so conflicting,” she says sounding both grave and tender. “I can’t make sense of them anymore. All I know is that each and every feeling I have for you run so very deeply inside me. Everything within me has become _you._ ”

She raises a pair of their joined hands up and places Rhea’s hand against her own cheek, leaning into it and closing her eyes.

She looks so serene.

“I’m so glad it’s you,” she says blissfully, “who is going to take my life. I couldn’t think of anyone I would want to give it more than you,” she says freely, peacefully, with a small smile adorning her features.

Rhea feels a tightening in her chest.

The words come with… a lot of feelings for Rhea, and not all of those go in harmony. Frightening words like ‘dread, ‘loss’ and ‘regret’ thrum dangerously in the back of her mind and for a moment she thinks they’ll overtake her senses.

Yet when she looks at Edelgard’s expression all she sees is peace and bliss and gentle longing, and only because of that she manages to push back the frightening feelings. For now.

Instead she just feels conflicted at the strange kind of affection and yearning that overcome her at the idea that Edelgard wants it to be her that will take her life.

Because she’s not sure if that’s the appropriate mindset for this either.

“You seem… less than apprehensive at the prospect,” Rhea observes.

“That’s because I’m not at all, instead I long for it,” Edelgard responds almost lightly, opening her eyes and beginning to play with Rhea’s fingers resting against her cheek. “I have done, seen and lost too many things. I can’t live with them any longer,” she continues, murmuring half of it into Rhea’s hand as she brings it towards her mouth.

“Now that the possibility to justify them has been taken from me as well I just want to submit to the justice I deserve. There is no peace left for me in this world, I’ll only be able to find it in death,” she says and she isn’t trying to hide the emotions in her voice at all as it trembles. She brings Rhea’s hand to her chest and places it across the middle. “Peace only your hands can bring me,” she finishes and meets Rhea’s eyes with a hazy calmness on her features.

“Edelgard, I…” Rhea tries but fails to come up with anything else to say. It’s so _intimate,_ the way Edelgard lets her in and trusts her with herself, with her _life._

“I wished to die with dignity on the battlefield and not on a stage in front of the public,” Edelgard continues for her instead, with just a hint of bitterness. “Now my life and death will be merely a spectacle for all to see and marvel at,” she says, sighing in resignation.

Before Rhea can come up with any useless apologies because that’s partially _her_ fault too, Edelgard suddenly focuses and speaks up again.

“Tell me, how would you do it?” she asks, voice filled with _something_ as she places her own hand over Rhea’s one resting against her chest. “My execution, I mean,” she adds almost nonchalantly.

“I uhm…, well the custom for death by execution is..,” she starts and _almost_ retrieves her other hand to helpfully make a slicing gesture against her own throat before stopping because that’s _not_ appropriate. “…Decapitation,” she finishes flatly.

Edelgard merely smiles, seemingly not disturbed at all. “That’s not what I meant. I want to know how you’d take my life, if you could _choose how_ ,” she says with a voice so genuine and sincere it makes Rhea’s skin crawl.

Immediately Rhea’s imagination becomes very creative and feelings she really doesn’t want to acknowledge threaten to flood into her. There is also the memories, of meeting Edelgard on the battlefield and how she felt such desire to cut through the body of her greatest adversary. She would have made it last, would have held her and spoke to her of all her wrongdoings and sins until she’d lose conscious forever.

She curses herself once more for her vindictive streak and forces the thoughts and the intense feelings accompanying them away.

“Why would you want to know something like that?” she asks weakly in a vain attempt to seem unaffected.

“Because decapitation is unsightly and impersonal,” Edelgard responds easily, yet with slight emotion in her voice. “…And I want it to be personal.”

“I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to say such-” Rhea tries but the younger woman interrupts her.

“Please, if only so I that have something to think about when they drag me up that stage,” Edelgard insists, sounding almost gentle and respectful of Rhea’s inner struggle.

She shifts to gaze into Rhea’s eyes and Rhea feels herself shiver at the sudden intense connection between them.

“I want you to be the last thing on my mind before you bring me oblivion,” she murmurs in a voice so raw it shoots sparks through Rhea’s brain and they instantly erase all hesitation and apprehension she was having.

She carefully untangles her hand laying on Edelgard’s chest and spreads it across the skin above her hip instead. “Here,” she mutters quietly and presses her thumb into Edelgard’s skin slightly above her hipbone.

“I’d use my sword to pierce your skin here,” she continues, suddenly feeling hazy “There are no bones here. ...And if I pierce your body at a slightly upwards angle it will make you bleed internally, so it would take a while before you-” she freezes and abruptly cuts herself off when she realizes what she’s saying, and more importantly, how it makes her _feel._ Immediately guilt and shame wash over her.

Goddess, what will Edelgard think having heard Rhea say this about her? Rhea can’t even look her in the eyes, sure of the awkward and strained conversation that is bound to follow.

For a moment there is nothing but silence.

Edelgard shifts slightly against her and takes a deep breath.

“….Go on,” she says softly with slight urgency in her voice.

Rhea shakes her head, still too ashamed to look Edelgard in the eyes. “…No. Edelgard, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“I _want_ you to.”

Her voice causes Rhea to meet her eyes at last. She looks calm, her expression is cloudy and her eyes are unfocused, with the tiniest of red on her features.

She doesn’t look unsettled or frightened whatsoever, instead it’s more as if she’s longing to hear the rest.

Curious.

After searching for her courage and suppressing her guilt sufficiently, Rhea decides to test something. She presses her mouth against Edelgard’s throat, placing light kisses there. Immediately the younger woman shivers against her and leans into the touch.

Without interrupting her kiss Rhea digs the nail of her thumb, still placed on the side of Edelgard’s abdomen, into the skin beneath it painfully hard.

She moves her head away from Edelgard’s throat to look at her face and Rhea witnesses her impulsively close her eyes, arch her back slightly so her hips press into her own, and proceeds to make a sound from the back of her throat that can’t be interpreted as anything else but a moan of pleasure.

The sound spreads like wildfire throughout Rhea’s body and lights it up pleasantly, but alongside these sensations there is also confusion, as if something hasn’t been brought into the light yet that they really need to address.

It takes Edelgard less than a second to become aware of her reaction and Rhea can just see her face become flustered before she goes rigid and abruptly lowers her head to the side, hiding her face mostly from view.

“ _Why_ did you do that?” she hisses angrily, with a clear stutter in her voice.

Rhea ignores her question in favor of something she considers more important at the moment. “Edelgard, look at me,” she says, her tone a bit more commanding than she intended, but she just really wants to know.

Edelgard slowly forces herself to face Rhea again and she gives Rhea a wary and calculated look.

‘’... _What_?” the girl mutters finally, her voice strained.

“Are you… do you _enjoy_ this, Edelgard?”

For long moment she seems at a loss of words, looking very unhappy with being asked the question.

“That’s… that’s none of your business,” she says.

“It most certainly is, now” Rhea retorts. “You were asking me to tell you after all.”

“Well… aren’t you then?” Edelgard responds with barely a hint emotion in her voice, but still it feels as if she’s trying very hard to deflect the question.

“I was asking _you_ ,” Rhea insists.

Edelgard shifts her position, moving slightly backward to create some distance, leaning back down onto Rhea’s thighs again. She takes a moment, seemingly trying to make up her mind and find the words she needs.

“…I do yes, Rhea,” she says quietly and sights softly, almost in resignation. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she continues, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort. “It’s… not really something new to me. Something must have gone _wrong_ inside me a long time ago,” she stutters, and there are just the faintest of tears welling up in her eyes. “No matter what I do to doing to keep it at bay, it always comes back.” She makes frustrated, almost pained, noise. “I… I have some kind of unrelenting yearning for self-destruction. I’m always drawn to danger, injury, pain, death, everything and I often have to use every inch of my willpower not to succumb to the desire.”

She stirs all of a sudden and in one smooth movement she sweeps her leg back over Rhea’s thighs and turns her body so she’s resting next to Rhea and joins her in leaning against the wall. She meets Rhea’s eyes with a small and fragile expression before lowering her gaze downward to look at the hands she placed in between her legs, making her seem even feebler.

“It’s alright, dear one. You don’t have to say more,” Rhea tells her softly. Whatever Edelgard is feeling it seems to run painfully deep in her, it would be cruel to force it out of her.

But instead Edelgard shakes her head. “I want someone to know. No, I want _you_ to know. If you might understand then it might mean there is a reason and not just some of madness that I’m taking with me to my grave in secret. I need to, please help me understand myself.”

Rhea nods gently. “Alright, I’ll listen.” She says, feeling a vague sense of dread and discomfort that she might not be able to handle what Edelgard will say, but she needs to push those feelings aside for her.

“…It’s the walls,” Edelgard begins softly, fragilely. “Being entrapped in here makes it worse. There is nothing keep my mind of it and with my upcoming execution I can’t shake the thought. When I was Emperor it hardly ever crossed my mind, I was always distracted with work and planning and endless meetings,” she says, smiling absentmindedly as she recalls the memories with a fondness.

“The only moments I could let me enjoy myself without jeopardizing my allies or feeling shame was when I was on the battlefield. The rush of danger and the real risk of death would thrum pleasantly throughout my veins. I might have… succumbed to the desire a long time ago were it not for my determination to reach my goals,” Edelgard finishes, her voice soft yet strained near the end of her sentence.

A silence falls over them both and Rhea finds herself wondering if Edelgard feels she has revealed too much and is now regretting admitting such supposedly shameful and contradictive desires to someone.

“Many soldiers dream and fantasize about dying in the heat of battle, actually. There are endless poems to praise and lament the deaths of the heroes who died in such ways. It’s not unheard of.” Rhea explains in an effort to comfort, even though it doesn’t feel like that’s the core of Edelgard’s feelings.

Edelgard seems to ease a little and leans against Rhea’s arm, some of the tension in her features dissipates slightly and she gives Rhea a small smile.

“I suppose it’s a relieve I’m not alone then,” she says with a hint of amusement.

“Did you ever find a reason? Perhaps something that rests deep within?” Rhea wonders openly.

Edelgard ponders the question for some time. She takes a deep sigh.

Rhea knows her well enough by now that it means she’s looking for her words hidden within the swirl of her emotions. Edelgard’s eyes meet Rhea once more, and even with abundance of feelings shimmering within them she seems to know what she wants to say.

“Ever since I was released from captivity all those years ago it feels as if I’m living on borrowed time,” she begins to explain, sound almost like Edelgard is simply reading aloud from a book, yet there is a hint of bitterness lacing her voice.

“You aren’t living on borrowed time, Edelgard. You’ve spend all that time carving your own path,” Rhea attempts to contradict her.

“No… I know that. But it’s… it’s as if I _should_ have died there along with my siblings. And yet I didn’t, and it feels as if my mind can’t understand that. It seems to think I should have died in there and something went _wrong.”_ Edelgard continues, “Because I’m still _here_.”

She stirs and seems very fragile and overwhelmed all of a sudden, it’s apparent her emotions are threating to spill over. She becomes aware of this too and shifts to wrap Rhea’s arm around her own shoulders, snuggling into her side for comfort, it alerts the Archbishop to the slight trembling she feels against her arm.

On impulse she tightens the grip she has around Edelgard’s shoulders, coaxing a deep breath from Edelgard as she relaxes into the embrace.

At last she finds the strength to speak op again. “And so every time I’m at risk of dying, on the battlefield or anywhere, my mind feels at ease and it makes me feel good because it feels _right_ ,” she almost breathes out the last words, as if she had never spoken them aloud before.

A long and heavy silence falls over them as Rhea thinks about what Edelgard said.

She has no idea what to say to comfort her or help her. _Anything_ at all would be helpful but her mind draws a blank. Everything in Edelgard runs so very deep inside her that it’s impossible to reach after it to protect her from the pain that clings to it.

It occurs to her that she doesn’t find Edelgard’s revelation strange or unnerving at all, in a way she even relates to it. She’s been alive for _so_ long and has experienced and seen so much pain and suffering that she has often wondered what it would be like to just…let go. What will be the moment when it becomes too much for Rhea to keep on going? She has an important cause to live for, one that makes her strong and unwavering in her resolve, no matter how much she must suffer, struggle or wait. In the end she knows what she’s doing it for and that gives her the strength and patience to deal with it all.

But all of that has been taken away from Edelgard.

A human shouldn’t be longing for their death or wanting nothing but to die on their own accord, they simply don’t _live_ long enough to become that weary of life.

But Edelgard… Edelgard has made the desire to die on her own accord a part of herself, it’s her ultimate freedom. It rears its head both in moments where she can anticipate it and moments where it overwhelms and weakens her, but she triumphs over each of those moments. What she did to Edelgard just now, Rhea realizes, she was enjoying it because she could let herself.

And no amount of reasoning in the world would help Rhea deny that she too felt pleasure digging her nail into the girl’s skin, feeling the flesh and muscles tighten beneath them and hearing Edelgard’s sound of pleasure. The recollection of that moment alone makes her heart throb pleasantly.

Huh.

Do they really fit together this well?

She’s about to speak to Edelgard, searching for her face, but once she sees it her words die in her throat.

There is such deep pain etched over her features. There are tears rolling down her face yet she doesn’t make a sound. Her pupils are wide and among all the emotions within her eyes, anguish is the clearest one.

Rhea realizes with dread she might have been quiet a little too long and now Edelgard, feeling overexposed as she is, has drawn her own conclusions.

Immediately she tries to comfort her and reaches out her hand to touch Edelgard’s face, but Edelgard swats Rhea’s hand away and more tears begin to fall from her eyes.

“Just _go_ ,” Edelgard snaps, her voice breaking and on edge.

She proceeds to flee from Rhea’s embrace and scrambles over to the side of the bed, sweeping her feet over the edge and letting them rest on the stones below, the heavy chain following noisily behind them.

“I…Edelgard no. Let me explain, please?”

“Explain _what?_ That you enjoy making a broken madwoman spill her secrets days before you get to kill her?” she snaps again. Rigidly she stands up and moves away from Rhea until she’s leaning against the wall for support.

She tries raising her voice but it wavers and it’s inconsistent. “I’m sure you’ll find a good reason to hurt me with this. You are as creative as you are vindictive after all,” the former Emperor says hoarsely, clearly too exhausted to cope with this any longer.

“No, you don’t understand,” Rhea all but begs at her in return.

“ _I’m_ the one who doesn’t understand? I’m not the one who listened to me revealing the darkest secret that has been burdening me for my entire life and then opt to say nothing about it, you didn’t even _try_ … Am I so disturbing and broken to you that you find me disgusting now?” Edelgard rages on, but her voices is breaking and strained. There are more tears welling up in her eyes, they’re pooling at her chin by now.

Yet she isn’t audibly crying, only the smallest of tremors in her shoulders give away how much self-restraint she’s utilizing to keep herself under control.

“So get out!” she repeats and there is such _agony_ in her words.

Edelgard doesn’t want her to leave.

But she also cannot bear to be in a room with Rhea who knows her secret, it’s too vulnerable because she’s convinced Rhea will hurt or humiliate her with this newfound weakness.

“I will leave if you truly want me to, I promise. But _please_ let me explain,” Rhea insists and despite that it feels like her throat is dry she’s thankful her voice sounds somewhat gentle.

Edelgard gives her a tired, almost dismissive glance and it’s clear she has no hope for an explanation that will make her feel any less vulnerable and hurt.

She shrugs but it doesn’t look very uncaring. “Do what you can’t resist, then. Just try not to be too harsh, at least,” she mutters towards the ground.

Rhea knows she has little time to come up with a good counterargument. And even though she knows she has one deep down, it’s very delicate and uncomfortable to admit, and Edelgard might not understand or just be more offended by it as well. But she has to try.

“You’re beautiful,” she starts. “All of you... It’s more than beautiful, actually. It’s Divine. You have such incredible strength, Edelgard. People come with such a strong instinctive need to survive it controls and weakens them to the point it makes them desperate. Yet you? You are in full control of those. You have mastered them, you _own_ them.”

“But such a thing is disgusting, I’m going against nature. It’s _inhuman_. How could you find this beautiful?”

“…Because I’m the same.”

That catches Edelgard by surprise and she gives Rhea a suspicious glare. “You what? No, you’re not.”

“No, I am. I understand your feelings… No, it’s more than understanding. I resonate with them and they reflect my own,” she admits.

“You… resonate with my feelings,” Edelgard repeats carefully. “You mean you have some kind of death wish?” she follows with crudely, sounding accusing of Rhea admitting something so weird about herself.

It’s self-protection, Rhea realizes, so she won’t get hurt even more.

“Hmm, sometimes yes. But that wasn’t exactly what I meant. I think I’m….that I’m more the opposite of you”

“You mean you want to… kill?” Edelgard says with confusion and disbelieve.­ _Since why would the kind and merciful Archbishop enjoy the thrill of murder, and how would she even get away with it?_

Rhea tries not to cringe at hearing it so bluntly from Edelgard.

“Uhm, I wouldn’t put it like that,” she says in an attempt to cope with being exposed to something so harsh being said about herself. “I simply have bit of a… vengeful streak, you could say. And getting the vengeance I desire is… well it’s satisfying to say the least,” she says in self-defense. “So don’t conclude I’m some kind of insane slaughterer of the masses,” she adds almost jokingly. “Because that’s not true.”

“I’m convinced that the revered Archbishop doing something like that would be caught quite soon, indeed,” Edelgard responds dryly, looking visibly less pained. “It would be the biggest news for _weeks,_ I can only imagine the scandal _,”_ she says, clearly entertained and enthralled with the idea of Rhea falling from grace in such a way.

Rhea feels relief wash over her at the girl’s laughter, her hurt and anger are still there but for now it’s up in the air where this conversation will go, which is a lot more optimistic than mere minutes ago. After a moment Edelgard turns serious again and searches for Rhea’s eyes.

“But if what you say is true, then how does that work?” she asks, with that deep and sincere curiosity Rhea has come to love so much. “How do you feel things?”

Rhea has to ponder this for a few minutes. What exactly is it what she wants to tell Edelgard? Numerous ideas flash through her mind and a lot of them aren’t suitable because they would give Edelgard entirely the wrong idea. Rhea wants to understand her, and that is what she needs to get across, wrapped in a layer of…whatever this is.

“It helped me sense you enjoyed what I did to you earlier,” she says sounding as open and neutral as she can manage.

Edelgard immediately flusters and there is tension all over her body, she moves her arm into the air as if to do something with it and then lets it loosely fall back to her side. She moves to stare at the ground, expression wary and apprehensive, but not agitated.

“That is none of your concern,” she mutters with a sharp edge in her voice. “It shouldn’t matter, it’s wrong of me regardless,”

Rhea feels like she’ll just have to take the plunge then, if Edelgard won’t budge.

“I liked it,” she states straightforwardly and it’s such a relief to say, to let Edelgard know.

Edelgard gives her a surprised look.

You…liked it?” she echoes Rhea’s words.

“Indeed.”

Edelgard’s eyes narrow. “Liked _what_ exactly?” she asks tentatively.

“Well, you know…” Rhea sort of stammers because that’s _not_ something she can admit easily.

“No, I don’t, please enlighten me,” Edelgard insists.

“Doing that… and how you uhm, reacted,” Rhea says weakly.

“You’re being _very_ vague Rhea,” Edelgard says accusingly.

“It’s hard to say, please.” She tries explaining. “It’s _delicate_ for me,” she mutters.

“Well your delicacy isn’t helping. It’s getting us nowhere. I want to know.” Edelgard says sounding agitated now.

Rhea remains silent, unable to say what she wants.

“Please,” Edelgard tries, sounding much softer. “I won’t mind, I promise.”

“I liked hurting you and seeing your reaction,” Rhea forces out and when she realizes what she said she feels her cheeks grow hot and she knows she’s getting flustered. One look at Edelgard tells her that the other woman is blushing as well.

Both of them fall into a moment silence as they’re trying to make sense of this.

Rhea’s mind goes into overdrive and has gone hazy, almost delirious by the point Edelgard speaks up again.

“You truly mean that?” she asks in such a fragile voice because _what if she’s wrong. How much more will that hurt her?_

“I mean it yes, completely,” Rhea manages to say despite feeling so lightheaded and conflicted.

Edelgard gets an odd look in her eyes and slowly it transforms into a curious one.

“You like it,” she states, as if she’s trying to let the concept settle in. She’s deep in thought for a moment until she decides she needs to know something.

She crosses the distance between them and stops in front of Rhea. “You like it,” she reconfirms.

Rhea only nods.

Edelgard stands up on her toes and puts her hand on Rhea’s cheek. “Do…do you like it-”she says and presses her lips against Rhea’s own for a fleeting moment, “like this?” Edelgard finishes once she breaks the kiss. Clumsily she takes a few steps back and gives Rhea a looks so insecure and unsure it’s hard not to embrace her tightly.

_Oh._

Well, she’s not sure what ‘this’ is at this point, but if the sudden heat coursing through her body and her racing heartbeat are anything to go by then it very much indeed like ‘this’.

There is too much conflict and guilt riddled within these kind of feelings that accepting them and confessing them to someone is almost a crime. She’s flustered again before she’s aware of it, and it takes her all her willpower to nod.

“Well,” Edelgard speaks up after a moment, giving her a pointed look, “that’s a bit different from a simple ‘vindictive streak’, wouldn’t you say?” she says easily and Rhea hates how quick she is with her words is once again.

“As if you are any better,” she scoffs in self-defense.

“Excuse me?” Edelgard says indignantly.

“Do not pretend you didn’t enjoy all those things you asked me to do to you, girl,” Rhea says feeling smug about her response.

“If I had known you’d _enjoy_ doing them this much I might have asked for more, you know,” Edelgard responds without missing a beat and Rhea curses herself for thinking she could win this.

Edelgard might as well slap her in the face at this point because she doesn’t think she can take any more of these merciless responses.

Rhea feels she needs to be brave again if she wants to get the upper hand, even if she is anything but. She moves so they are standing across from each other with enough distance that they can’t touch each other, to give Edelgard a sense of safety.

Rhea smiles at the suddenly anxious looking Edelgard. “What would like me to do to you then, dear girl?” she asks sweetly.

“Wha- You cannot be serious. Rhea, we _can’t,_ ” Edelgard stutters, looking startled.

“I don’t care we can’t, I _want_ to, and I know you want so too,” Rhea responds, hoping Edelgard won’t scamper to hide behind insults and anger to protect herself and let herself be honest.

“Y-you’re being genuine?” Edelgard stammers in a voice so fragile it makes it hard for the Archbishop not to close the distance and embrace her.

Rhea nods. “I want to, Edelgard. Let me see that side of you, please.”

Edelgard stares at her with wide eyes, as if she’s trying to comprehend what Rhea is implying. That Rhea doesn’t find her disturbing and won’t reject her, and instead she even welcomes her.

She takes a deep breath and swallows. “Alright…”

Rhea smiles, and it’s genuine. The kind of smile that would have shown her pointy teeth to the people of old before she filed them down.

“Can I approach you?” she asks carefully.

Edelgard hums nervously in approval. She presses herself against the wall behind her and spreads her arms and wrists loosely next to her body’ sides.

When Rhea closes the distance between them she looks at Edelgard for a moment, checking for any signs of hesitation or doubt, yet all she finds is acceptance.

She lifts her hand and places it on Edelgard’s cheek, who immediately leans into the touch. Rhea tilts her head and places a soft kiss on her forehead, while she caresses Edelgard’s cheek with her fingers. When she moves her head away all the weariness and tension Edelgard had been feeling has completely evaporated.

“Tell me, little one. Where and how do you want me to touch you?”

Edelgard is flustered all at once and no words come out for a good full seconds.

“My neck,” she eventually mutters towards the ground.

“You would like me to kiss your ne-”

“No not _kiss_ … bite. I want you to _bite_ my neck …please,” Edelgard interrupts her and it’s clear she’s operating on impulse and desire right now, for Rhea would never hear her sounding so raw like that otherwise.

“…That can be arranged,” Rhea says, voice suddenly so slow and full of want she hopes Edelgard hasn’t noticed because she might change her mind just because of that.

She’s relieved when Edelgard simply gazes at her with anticipation, yet her eyes not looking _at_ her. She seems in a daze and quite light-headed.

And then she nods once. “You have my permission then,” Edelgard all but quietly declares.

With as much self-control Rhea can muster she wraps her arm around the girl’s waist and presses her close against herself. She lowers her head to Edelgard’s neck and places soft kisses against it, causing Edelgard to shiver in her hold and stifle a gasp.

After a few more kisses Rhea gently grazes one of her teeth across Edelgard’s skin, eliciting a soft moan from the woman.

Rhea stills for a moment, the sound is so addicting she’s almost desperate for more.

“ _Edelgard_ …” Rhea murmurs breathlessly against the skin of her throat, “can I?”

“Yes, _please,”_ she gasps with clear urgency in her voice.

Rhea gives the girl’s neck a few more kisses and licks, only to be rewarded by an almost pained whimper, as Edelgard leans her head to the side to give her better access. Rhea picks a spot she knows is safe, especially if she won’t do it too hard, and bites down.

There is a high-pitched, pained cry as Edelgard entire body goes rigid for a single instant until she seems to lose control over most of her muscles and all but throws herself against Rhea’s body, her hands grabbing tightly onto Rhea’s shoulders for dear life and burying her face into Rhea’s chest, whimpering against her. Rhea has to help her staying upright by tightening the embrace she had on the white haired woman’s waist, keeping her steady.

For a moment she’s worried she’s merely hurting Edelgard without any pleasure whatsoever but she becomes aware that the muffled whimpers and cries into her chest contain words occasionally. “I need this, make it _hurt_ ,” Edelgard mutters incoherently. “Please, Rhea don’t stop _,_ ” she all but begs her. Her words send sparks of pleasure down into Rhea core and it’s hard to focus. Or rather, it’s simply _impossible_ to focus on anything but Edelgard.

Rhea, teeth lets go of her skin and begins to move along Edelgard’s throat, kissing and biting all the way. She bites down hard enough to bruise but not enough to pierce her skin.

Having Edelgard beg her for pain and pleasure is a whole new sensation that feels like lightning throughout her body and makes her blood is sing in her veins.

She’s not entirely sure on which instincts she’s operating right now but all of it somehow falls together and makes sense. It should be wrong to enjoy this kind of senseless violence, she thinks, but if she and Edelgard both want it, then what exactly is wrong about it? No one can judge them here, regardless.

“...More, I need more Rhea.” Edelgard begs again sounding so needy she might just fall apart if Rhea denies her.

So Rhea keeps going, there are endless places and variations so it’s an easy thing to get lost in. Everything feels so good, especially with the small Emperor huddled against her chest, clawing at her shoulders, whimpering and gasping uncontrollably.

Eventually Rhea remembers other ways to bruise Edelgard’s skin and instead sucks against the side of her neck. Edelgard goes still in her grasp for a shot moment before a moan escapes her lips. “Harder, please,” she rasps hoarsely into Rhea’s chest.

Rhea obliges without complaint. She’s thankful for her detailed knowledge on human anatomy so now she knows exactly which places are delicate, with arteries running closely underneath, and which aren’t so.

She moves to Edelgard’s collarbone and covers it with bruises and bite marks. After a while she moves up to the woman’s throat again, to the purple marks of her fingertips, which were beginning to fade, and she bites, kisses and sucks there until that’s bruised again as well.

She feels more human than she has in a long time, or at least less dragon, as her true form doesn’t come with these kind of instincts and desires.

After placing a long kiss behind Edelgard’s ear she breaks away, carefully untangling the girl’s hands from her shoulders, and moves back to see the result of her efforts.

Edelgard looks disheveled and bewildered and so beautiful. So _free_. Much more like the chaotic human she is on the inside and not the perfect Emperor she had to be.

But most of all it’s her eyes that look beautiful. Lilac eyes gaze hazily into her own, and they’re _shining._ Even though they are unfocused there is so much life behind them. Her eyes always seem a reflection of how Edelgard feels and by looking into her eyes its evident Edelgard feels _alive._ There is just a twinge of darkness in them too, something unholy within her that Edelgard has fully embraced, if her impish smile is any indicator.

Rhea can’t help but feel deeply affected by how Edelgard looks, it’s breathtaking.

The white haired girl makes a frustrated noise at the prolonged lack of body contact and Rhea realizes she misses their shared warmth as well.

She reaches for Edelgard’s hand with her own. “Please Edelgard, come,” she says and Edelgard regains some focus in her eyes at her words. “I want to feel you close,” Rhea continues and after a short moment Edelgard nods and closes her fingers around Rhea’s hand.

Rhea helps her move, keeping an arm around her waist to keep her steady. She’s so feeble and still a little bit in a daze. She looks exhausted, Rhea realizes.

But finally Rhea manages to carry Edelgard onto the bed, with her head on the pillow and under the thin blanket the guards have given her. Rhea remains standing at the edge of the bed slightly awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

That is until she hears a quiet, needy “Come, Rhea.”

She doesn’t hesitate for a moment longer and pulls away the covers to crawl next to Edelgard. Once she covers them both with the again blanket Edelgard immediately huddles into her chest and sighs contently.

Rhea drapes her free arm around Edelgard and presses the girl closer against herself, to which Edelgard responds by wriggling a knee in between Rhea’s own, seeking more body contact.

She relaxes into their embrace, and Rhea finds herself relaxing along with her.

For a moment the only sounds in the room are the slow breathing of the both of them and the occasional ruffling of fabric as they shift ever so slightly. It feels so peaceful they might just fall asleep like this, which could become problematic if the guards do their rounds or bring Edelgard her dinner.

It’s so quiet for a long moment that Rhea suspects Edelgard has actually fallen asleep, but finally she hears her speaking up softly. “Hmm, I didn’t know I needed that, but I did,” she says airily. “I feel so… light,” she sighs.

“Hmm, you seem lighter indeed,” Rhea observes.

“It’s all thanks to you,” Edelgard giggles. She moves her head back slightly so she can look at Rhea. “I like it when you hold me like this, I feel so safe. As if I don’t have to worry about anything,” she says with a small smile.

“I’m glad,” Rhea responds and moves to press her lips against the other woman’s forehead. “Me too.”

It occurs to Rhea how easily she has adjusted to the new reality of being able to kiss Edelgard whenever she wants to, she hardly has to give it a conscious thought.

“It’s because I trust you, I think,” Edelgard says, sounding slightly surprised herself.

“You trust me?”

“Yes, I always felt that if someone were to see me truly I’d… disappear,” Edelgard says and turns to lay on her back instead, one arm folded under her head. She takes Rhea’s hand into her own and places them both across her own stomach. “As if they wouldn’t accept it and would erase me in favor of the person they needed me to be.” Edelgard muses aloud, staring at the ceiling.

“But you don’t do that, you simply _see._ More than that actually, you acknowledge me and that makes me feel _…_ real, somehow. Instead of destroying me you make me feel more _whole,_ ” she smiles. “I can feel myself reflect of you and it’s as if I finally get to see who I really am through you.”

Rhea almost impulsively leans over her and kisses her. It’s gentle and soft and her fingers tighten their grip around Edelgard’s own. “I trust you too, Edelgard,” she finds herself admitting when she breaks the kiss. “You might have made an art out of getting under my skin, but at least you do it respectfully.”

Edelgard laughs at her words. “Yes, you can’t seem to keep anything from me, Miss ‘you humans this and you humans that’. It’s almost getting easy.”

“I take it back, you’re just awful.”

Edelgard just hums with an air of mischief and secrecy.

After a while she stirs and moves to sit up-right, blankets pooling around her waist.

Rhea joins her and when she looks at Edelgard she realizes how truly exhausted she is. It makes sense, first she went through emotional anguish talking about motherhood, then they kissed, followed by a deeply hurt and angry Edelgard feeling vulnerable for having revealed her well-guarded secret and now… whatever they just did.

They’re all incredibly emotionally draining experiences with hardly any breaks in between. It’s a wonder she managed to keep going all this time. Rhea is just about to offer her some respite and time to recover and process everything when Edelgard suddenly looks to her side and meet Rhea’s eyes.

Her eyes widen and she suddenly turns distressed. “Rhea…what did we even do?” she says and hesitates. “Heavens, Rhea what is _wrong_ with us?” she finishes, clearly distraught.

Rhea is just about to terrorize herself with coming up with excuses to justify herself when Edelgard’s expression turns into a small, mischievous smile.

And promptly she bursts into giggles.

Relieved, Rhea cannot help but laugh along with her.

“ _Goddess_ , imagine if my army had known this about me, I’m not sure they’d still follow an Emperor with the fierce determination and strength they knew me for if they knew their leader was like _that_ ,” she says with so much amusement in her eyes it makes them sparkle. She breaks into melodious laughter again.

Rhea can see the amusement in it. How easy it would have been to stop her mad rampage if only someone had known this so they could have taken the fire out of her.

“You’re not alone in this,” she says helpfully. “Imagine my people and followers found out the merciful, virtuous and _kind_ Archbishop had a fondness for sinking her teeth into people’s necks… or choking them for that matter. I’d be exiled without so much as a trial,” she says airily, still laughing quietly.

They sit together in silent amusement for a moment.

“Yes, truly we have no good excuse for this.” Edelgard speaks up.” My past might play a part in it but I’m convinced most of it is simply _me._ The part where I enjoy it, specifically,” she sighs, though with amusement still lingering in her voice.

“Actually, I do have a good excuse,” Rhea says nonchalantly, with just a hint of mystery.

Edelgard looks at her curiously. “Hmmm?”

“I used to be a War Saint,” she admits casually.

She’s absolutely sure the ‘war’ bit has been fully scrubbed from Saint Seiros’s name over the centuries, she’s personally made sure of that so should be safe to share this bit of information with the curious Emperor, as she won’t be able to put the pieces together.

“A…a _what_? What is that even supposed to mean?” Edelgard asks, looking very confused.

“That’s all I’m telling you, I’m afraid. It would be a breach of confidentiality if I don’t,” Rhea teases her.

“Right… a War Saint then,” Edelgard repeats, accepting the dead end she’s running into. “And War Saints like-“

“War, yes,” Rhea helpfully interrupts her. “I’ll admit war is usually done on a larger scale and a lot less…personal than this, but I’m claiming it as my excuse nonetheless.”

Edelgard lets it sink in for a moment.

“Hmmm, maybe I’m a Peace Saint then,” she tries hopefully.

“I’m afraid I must disappoint you, unfortunately such a thing doesn’t exist. You do make a great martyr however, so that must count for something.”

Edelgard simply grumbles something incomprehensible in response.

After a moment she grows to look a little conflicted. “What made me like this?” she sighs in frustration. “No, why _am_ I like this? Surely something must be wrong in my head?”

“I think you’re being needlessly cruel on yourself for once, dear.” Rhea says softly. When Edelgard looks at her questioningly she continues. “Wasn’t it you who argued that one shouldn’t be forced to delve into the deepest and darkest parts of their mind and have everything that dwells there be forcibly picked apart and dragged to the light?” Rhea continues and places a hand on the former Emperor’s shoulder. “I think that’s what you’re doing to yourself now.”

“Huh, you’re right,” Edelgard says sheepishly and a small smile overcomes her. “Maybe not force myself to dwell on it now, then. Although I’m determined to find out why eventually,” she says grinning, and Rhea knows Edelgard will absolutely pick herself apart with glee at her own leisure when she gets the chance.

“But yes,” Edelgard says after a moment. “For now it’s likely best if I don’t dwell on it and take the time to find out later.” She still suddenly and her smile falters. “Well maybe not later, I don’t have enough time left for that sadly,” she says and there is the hint of pain in her voice.

It hurts Rhea too, and the familiar sense of dread that’s hanging above them shows itself once more. Edelgard doesn’t have a future to get to know herself anymore. Rhea suddenly feels determined to help Edelgard spend her last days doing what she wants and learn about herself.

She gently drags her nails across Edelgard’s spine. It’s not enough to pierce the fabric of her dress but she hears a quiet gasp all the same.

“How about…” she starts, still dragging her nails up and down Edelgard’s back. “Instead of not dwelling on this part of you, _we_ could try to make it enjoyable for you.”

Edelgard shivers at her words. She meets Rhea’s eyes again and Rhea can see how exhausted she is by now, especially emotionally. She almost wants to take back her words and let Edelgard rest but the other woman speaks up first.

“You would want to do that with me, again?” Edelgard asks her and Rhea nods “But you just… you really don’t mind doing more?”

“Not at all, I love hearing the sounds you make. I want to hear more.”

“ _Oh_.” Is Edelgard’s very eloquent response. “Alright then,” she mutter quietly, “I want to feel you more as well,” she finishes and there is a blush on her features.

“Come,” Rhea says and she gently grabs both of the girl’s shoulders and helps her turn around. After some clumsy shifting and a few instructions Edelgard is leaning against the head of the bed with the pillow propped up behind her to support her back, it’s not the most comfortable position but she doesn’t seem affected by it in the slightest. Her legs are crossed and her arms are resting on top of them. She has covered her head with the blanket like a veil and she’s huddled into it.

She looks like some kind of divine being who has lost her powers, Rhea thinks to herself. She’s so deeply human, especially with her face peeking out from under the blanket, yet it’s as if a thin invisible divine layer covers all of Edelgard, and whenever it slivers, tears or breaks the layer recovers almost instantly and she’s unblemished once more. She’s perpetually huddled inside an echo of the Divine.

Edelgard is looking at her somewhat expectantly, yet also seem to be comfortable right where she is. At any rate, she’s in no hurry.

Rhea is sitting across from her, feeling rather exposed wearing nothing but her white robe that shows her shoulders, and her green hair is falling freely down her shoulders as well. It’s… freeing to be able to move so easily like this, without being weighted down by the things she always wears to hide and protect herself.

“Straighten your legs,” she asks softly. The girl obliges and smoothly stretches her legs until they almost reach Rhea. She bends forward, over Edelgard’s legs, resting her weight on one hand. Her other hand comes to rest on Edelgard’s cheek and gently kisses her lips once again. Rhea feels her relax into the kiss and lean backwards to rest her head against the wall. She shifts to crawl over Edelgard’s legs, letting one knee rest on the outside of her thigh and the other one, rather deliberately, in-between them.

Edelgard gasps against her lips when Rhea lightly presses her knee against her core and breaks their kiss to look at Rhea. Her expression is questioning, curious but not apprehensive, and it’s clear what she wants to know from Rhea.

And Rhea can’t find enough bravery within herself to voice her answer out loud so instead she simply leans in and kisses her again in the hope Edelgard will understand her intentions and feelings, and respond with her own.

A moment later she feels two arms loosely wrap around her neck and pull her closer. She finds herself impulsively smiling against the other woman’s mouth and proceeds to move her hand from the girl’s cheek to caress her side instead. She repeats the motion with her knee, pressing slightly longer against Edelgard instead. This time the woman gasps audibly and she rolls her hips against Rhea’s knee.

Rhea deepens their kiss, moving her mouth against Edelgard’s, and keeps moving her knee into her as well until Edelgard is writhing beneath her and soft uncontrollable noises keep escaping her lips.

All of a sudden she gasps for air and breaks their kiss, shifting to press their foreheads together instead. “Rhea,” she breathes out. “I’ve… I’ve never been this uhm... close with anyone before,” she continues.

“Should I stop?” Rhea asks, stilling all her movements.

“No,” Edelgard says hurriedly. “…But only do this, nothing more. I don’t think I can handle else but this, not now. But don’t stop.” she murmurs softly.

“Of course,” Rhea reassures her. “Tell me if it’s too much.”

Edelgard nods weakly and presses her lips against Rhea’s again.

Taking the hint, Rhea resumes her motions, grinding against Edelgard at a more steady rhythm. She moves her free hand and buries it into white hair at the base of her neck. Edelgard is trembling against her and sounds and gasps escape her lips, yet otherwise she remains still. Only the slightest of twitching in her hips give away her need and Rhea realizes she’s forcefully holding herself back

“You don’t have to restrain yourself so much, you know,” Rhea murmurs, breaking their kiss momentarily.

“It’s… it’s _unsightly_ ,” Edelgard says exasperatedly, looking flustered.

“Hmm, just because you can control yourself doesn’t mean you always have to.”

Edelgard doesn’t say anything in return.

Yet a little while later Rhea’s knee is met with resistance as Edelgard presses herself into her. The added friction and pressure have an immediate effect on the younger woman as she writhes underneath Rhea. Edelgard slowly gives in more and more, increasing her thrusts and panting and moaning with much less restraint.

“There, that’s better,” Rhea teases.

She receives a frustrated whine in embarrassment and Rhea can’t help but smile against the other woman’s lips. Edelgard promptly breaks their kiss and buries her face into Rhea’s neck in an attempt to shield and hide herself just a little.

“Are you still feeling alright?” Rhea asks her softly.

“Yes, I feel good, it feels good. Please, don’t stop,” Edelgard almost begs against her neck.

“I won’t, dear,” she murmurs.

Truthfully, she has no idea if this is… going anywhere. She has no experience doing this to another woman whatsoever and doesn’t know if Edelgard will be able to reach any sort of climax this way. But it’s irrelevant, it’s clear Edelgard is enjoying the sensations and that’s all that matters for Rhea. And she’s taking great pleasure herself in touching the other woman like this as well.

It’s almost frustrating, she finds herself wanting more. It’s not even as if she’s craving stimulation herself, instead she wishes she could see more of Edelgard. She wonders what kind of reactions she could coax out of the other woman if she were to touch her breasts, what it would feel like if she could touch her down there underneath her clothes, if she’d be wet…

With some efforts she shakes the thoughts, she promised Edelgard she wouldn’t do more after all.

But she supposes she could increase the intensity of this just a little. She moves her hand from the base of Edelgard’s neck to her lower back instead and helps her press herself into Rhea, making sure her own thrusts are longer, keeping herself still against Edelgard at the peak just a little every time.

Edelgard somehow becomes even more disheveled, suddenly arching her back and jerking her head backwards impulsively, slamming into the wall behind her. She doesn’t seem to care about the impact at all, instead just searching for Rhea’s eyes with her own heavily lidded ones.

“Rhea,” she pants breathlessly. “Please, hold me. Anything, _please._ ”

The Archbishop takes it as a sign Edelgard wants more intensity as well.

For a moment she ponders how, because as much as she wants to hold the other woman, she really needs to lean on one of her own arms to keep herself balanced.

But she gets an idea. She leans back to steady herself, resting on her knees and all but drags Edelgard on top of her, helping her straddle one of her thighs. The blanket falls from Edelgard’s head and crumples on the bed. Rhea presses into her and pushes them both forward until Edelgard is pressed in-between her and the wall, granting her just enough space to sit and still move somewhat.

She leans against the other woman’s body and wraps her arms around her waist tightly. Edelgard can hardly move her upper body like this, being locked into an embrace and nearly crushed between Rhea and the wall, yet her lower body still has enough freedom to roll her hips into Rhea’s thigh, which she does almost desperately.

“There,” she whispers softly, “like this?”

“Mhm,” is all she gets in return, as Edelgard is too busy focusing on sensations to use words.

She loosens her hold slightly, resting her hands into the other woman’s hips instead, so she has enough space to kiss her again. Edelgard kisses her back greedily with very little pacing left.

Rhea becomes aware something inside Edelgard is most definitely building and, judging by how uncontrolled and jagged her movements and sounds are becoming, she’s already close.

She’s suddenly overwhelmed herself by some sort of tender determination to bring her there, wanting nothing more than to be the one who helps her over the edge. She doubles down her efforts and uses her grip on Edelgard’s waist to make sure she maintains a steady rhythm as the pleasure becomes too much too handle for her.

Edelgard stills against her for an instant, going quiet and almost limp, before a tremor overtakes her body. The girl breaks their kiss and buries her head into Rhea’s neck as she cries out her name. She whimpers and moans without restrain as her thrusts become frantic and broken, her body shuddering against Rhea’s own. Rhea wraps her arms around her once more, holding her tightly and continuing to grind her thigh long and hard against Edelgard as she comes apart.

She keeps moving until she feels Edelgard slow against her and follows her pace.

Eventually the girl stills against her completely, aside from slight trembles and ragged breathing into her neck. Rhea gives her the time she needs to regain her senses, simply holding her and gently brushing her back with her fingertips.

“How are you feeling?” she asks after she feels Edelgard stir against her.

“Spent,” Edelgard mutters into the skin of her throat, sounding very accusing.

She moves her head back to meet Rhea’s eyes. She’s flustered and she looks like a mess but there is a small smile on her lips that matches the glint in her eyes. “But good,” she adds lightly.

“Hmm, I’m glad,” Rhea responds and kisses her forehead.

“You and the wall are kind of crushing me, you know,” Edelgard chuckles, politely hinting she needs a little space.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Rhea apologizes and, with some reluctance, moves away from Edelgard. She sits down next to the other woman with her back leaning against the wall. Edelgard moves to drape the fallen blanket over both of their heads and shoulders and then leans to rest against Rhea’s side.

Rhea wasn’t sure why Edelgard insisted on putting the blanket over her head earlier, but now that it’s covering her as well she understands. There is a strange kind of comfort in it, as if you’re hiding yourself from the world just a little.

They sit in comfortable silence for a while, as Edelgard recovers.

The Archbishop glances over to Edelgard, who’s simply leaning against her, gazing at nothing in particular. It’s odd to think someone always so calm and in control of herself chose to let herself go as much as she did when Rhea touched her. It feels as if she truly trusts Rhea enough to let herself be seen like that. It makes her feel… worthy, or something like that. A surge of affection swells within her at the thought.

“You were really cute, just now,” Rhea says without thinking.

“Oh, shut up,” Edelgard grumbles embarrassedly. “I was nothing short of _elegant,”_ she argues jokingly.

“Ah, yes such elegant sounds you were making, not to mention the way you were grinding against me. Truly a dancer, you are.”

“Rhea!”

She can’t help but laugh. “I’m sorry,” she says. “But you really were lovely.”

“I uh, I’ll settle for that then,” Edelgard mutters, slightly flustered.

“Compliments where compliments are due,” Rhea adds.

“In that case, you’re fairly good at touching me, very…uhm thorough and consistent,” Edelgard responds rather flatly.

Now Rhea can’t help but fluster and she lowering her head slightly, eliciting quiet laughter from Edelgard.

“I think we are being meaner to each other right now than we have been in a while,” Edelgard says with amusement in her voice.

“I don’t think we’ll ever be able to shake that.”

“Hmm indeed, and that makes me very glad.”

“Well, in that case, a battle to the death.” Rhea finds herself saying.

“What?” Edelgard asks, not grasping her meaning.

“Between you and me,” Rhea explains. “If I could choose how I’d kill you it would be a battle to the death with you.”

Edelgard’s eyes immediately light up. “Yes!” she says with glee. “That would be _perfect_.” Edelgard says brightly. Suddenly her eyes narrow. “Wait… you say it as if you already know you’d be the one to win,” she says accusingly.

“Well, I’m sure you’d put up a fair fight, if it’s any consolation,” Rhea teases her.

“A fair fig- Rhea! Do _not_ underestimate me. Last time you needed half your personal guard to take me down. A one-man army is what I am,” she insists with determination.

“A fairly small one-man army, though,” Rhea mocks her, “Not to mention rather a slow one, with your huge axe. It wouldn’t be that hard, all I have to do is be faster than you.”

“Did you just mock my height? That’s _low,_ even for you, Archbishop.”

“Surely you see the joke in your poor choice of words as well, right?” Rhea retorts without hesitation.

Edelgard makes a very offended sounding noise at her remark, causing Rhea to laugh.

“Regardless,” Edelgard continues, ignoring her snide remarks. “Your speed will get you nowhere if I block your pathetic attempts at finding an opening to stab me with your feeble sword,” she scoffs. “And I’d like to see you maintain your speed after you take an axe to the chest.”

“So overconfident, that will surely be your downfall.”

“Return me my axe at once! I will show you right here and now how easily I can take you down.” Edelgard demands with utmost determination and pride.

She’s not actually angry or offended, if the smile on her face is anything to go by, she’s just a very passionate person who gets very into things.

“You’d be jeopardizing yourself, dear. I can see how exhausted you are. You’d be too sluggish, it would hardly be interesting to fight you right now,” Rhea says dryly.

“And _whose_ fault is that?”

“ _Don’t stop, Rhea please, harder,”_ Rhea singsongs in a very bad imitation of Edelgard. “Not my fault, at the very least,” she shrugs.

She watches Edelgard grow red in both anger and embarrassment for a whole second before the girl yells out a war cry and lunges herself at Rhea.

Rhea stumbles over to the side, the bed isn’t wide enough for her to fall on it but she manages to twist herself just in time so she can catch herself with her arms as she falls backwards against the wall.

Edelgard immediately grabs her wrists and presses them into the wall. “I correct myself, I don’t need my axe to defeat you right this instant,” she drawls, with a glint of excitement in her eyes.

Rhea simply gives her a look and then, with only minimal effort, breaks through Edelgard’s hold on her wrists and twists her hands around Edelgard’s wrists instead. She drags Edelgard’s wrists away from each other, causing Edelgard to lose balance and fall face-first into Rhea’s chest.

“You’re exhausted,” she states again. “You’re trembling and you hardly have any strength in your body left.”

She lets Edelgard move her hands to prop herself up again, yet keeps her hands closed around her wrists. When Edelgard moves up to meet her eyes her expression has changed. Something emotional crosses her features and she leans in to kiss Rhea.

“But I have to,” she insists weakly. “I can’t be exhausted, I have to.”

“Edelgard…” Rhea murmurs worriedly because something feels very wrong.

“You don’t understand, if I don’t… if you leave. I _want_ you and if you go I’ll lose the chance forever. So I’ll force myself a little more, please,” she almost begs and it feels like tears are threatening to fall from her eyes.

Oh, so that’s what this is about, her inevitable future. Or the lack thereof.

And her fear she’ll lose what connection they have, what effects it is having on Edelgard, if she won’t make the most of the brief time she has left.

Rhea lets go of her wrists and wraps her arms around the other woman, pressing her against herself.

“Please don’t force yourself like this, my dear,” she whispers against her.

“…But I want to,” Edelgard says with frustration in her voice. “With you, I mean… I really want to. I just _can’t_ anymore,” she almost cries out.

“Well… I could always visit again, if you’d like,” Rhea says soothingly.

“Right, I still have time, I still have a tomorrow,” Edelgard mutters weakly, “You would do that?” she asks, sounding vaguely hopeful.

“I hardly think you have to ask anymore at this point,” Rhea remarks. “I had very little excuses to visit you lately, so I’m confident this is an improvement compared to that.”

“Hmmm, I was growing suspicious of your excuses to visit, indeed,” Edelgard mutters against her skin, sounding much less distraught.

“Tomorrow?” Rhea asks her.

“I’ll have to see if I have time in my busy schedule,” Edelgard laughs dryly.

“Right, well. That’s kind of you. I do have a busy schedule tomorrow however, some meetings I won’t be able to get out of I’m afraid. So I’ll come visit you after, if that’s alright.”

“…I’d like that, Rhea,” Edelgard says softly and she can hear the smile in her voice.

Rhea gently moves them both so that Edelgard is sitting next to her again. “Can I trust you to get some rest? I’m getting worried,” she asks.

“Yes, I think I’ll get some sleep,” Edelgard say. “I do feel a bit… feeble.”

“Would you like me to stay with you until you fall asleep?” Rhea asks impulsively.

“You would want to? I’ll admit I’ve never been one to fall asleep easily but I’m convinced it won’t take long with how exhausted I am feeling.”

“I will, I’m not sure I trust you to actually sleep on your own,” Rhea jokes.

“Yes, because it would be much safer of me to trust you to watch me sleep instead,” Edelgard argues dryly.

“It would make us even though, as you’ve already seen me sleep,” She points out.

“Hm, that is true. I’ll allow it then.”

Edelgard salvages the blanket, which still laid crumpled in between them and the wall and wraps it around herself.

“I’ll sit next to you, if you don’t mind. I can’t risk falling asleep myself and I’m not sure how confident I am in my skills of untangling myself from your sleeping form successfully either,” Rhea says as Edelgard lies down. She shifts so she’s sitting on the side of the bed, feet resting on the floor in front of it.

“Fine,” Edelgard simply responds and reaches out to grab one of Rhea’s hands with her own, letting them both rest on Rhea’s lap. She snuggles against Rhea’s leg and promptly closes her eyes, only adding to the fact she’s indeed very exhausted.

Rhea watches her for a moment as she lies still. She looks very human like this, defenseless and relaxed. No, human isn’t the correct word this time, it’s… mortal. Something stirs deep inside her and it’s as if something shifts in her mind.

“It’s odd,” she says, unable to leave Edelgard be just yet. “As much as I would enjoy fighting and killing you… I don’t actually want you to be dead, if that makes any sense,” she ponders openly and all of a sudden she realizes, with a sense of discomfort, she doesn’t actually want Edelgard to _die._ It’s as if seeking her falling asleep like this uncomfortable echoes the brutal fate that’s waiting for her mortal body.

“That must be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Edelgard mutters jokingly without so much as opening her eyes. She squeezes Rhea’s hand in her own. “But I understand what you mean and thank you, it means a lot to me,” she adds.

She opens her eyes after a moment and lifts her head slightly.

“But I do really need to die though, don’t I?” she whispers softly. “For the people, for peace, for stability….for Fodlan,” she adds, sighing in resignation to her fate.

And it’s true, Rhea muses. The impact Edelgard has left on Fodlan, most of all Adrestia, has severely damaged and torn apart the power hierarchy in the world. There is an increasingly worrisome power vacuum in Adrestia as multiple factions are trying to seize control after Edelgard left the stage. There are no successors to the throne so instead people are trying to grab whatever power they can get for themselves, which is threatening the power hierarchy in the Empire into becoming fragmented and corrupted. It’s deeply affecting the other two kingdoms as well as food sources and chains are dislodged and many people of significant influence have either died or switched sides. There are holes in all the important social and political structures across all three kingdoms.

The people need a scapegoat to ensure they are one of mind when they establish the new leadership in Ardrestia, in order to prevent infighting and corruption. Not to mention they need a source of motivation to unify them to turn against Those who Slither, who are currently the biggest threat to Fodlan as they try to covertly fill the power vacuum with as many of their own members as they can.

And who makes a better scapegoat than the most powerful woman who has to be tried for her war crimes regardless? The eyes of all of the people are on Edelgard, and her death is what will unite them.

“Yes,” she sighs softly. “For Fodlan.”

Edelgard has closed her eyes again and Rhea is not sure if Edelgard heard her anymore, but she gets no response regardless.

Rhea waits a long time, much longer than necessary as she became aware Edelgard’s breath had become slow and steady minutes ago.

But she can’t quite bring herself to leave.

As if she’s scared she’ll never see her again if she does.

Or maybe if the connection established between them today will sever and the sense of peace they found will be destroyed once again.

Eventually she does get up, she has to she can’t stay here forever. She grabs all of her decorations, which had laid forgotten on a corner of the bed, and fumbles with them as she tries to get them back into place without the help of a mirror. She manages to make them look neat…she hopes.

Rhea carefully gets up and moves to the door. She takes a long glance at Edelgard’s peaceful sleeping form and she can’t help but smile when she feels a surge of adoration within her. It’s hard to understand how Edelgard manages to look so small and ever imposing at the same time.

Quietly, she closes the door behind her and leaves.

She meets Seteth in the halls of the monastery later that evening, long after she had her dinner in her own chambers. She’s glad he didn’t see her before she made it there, because he of all people would definitely have noticed her headwear was put on clumsily to say the least, and that’s very unlike her.

But now she has fixed it with the help of a mirror and she looks immaculate once again, without a trace of what transpired earlier visible.

Seteth definitely knows she’s ‘up to something’ now however, when he asks her how she’s feeling and she responds with a light ‘I’ve been doing very well today, thank you’ and he is the one that has to remind _her_ she was the one who was ‘feeling unwell’ earlier in the day.

She can’t shake his suspicion and only makes it worse when he mentions Edelgard and her breath hitches in her throat when she tries to respond, making her look fairly affected by the mere mention of the younger woman and she end up feeling rather caught.

He simply sighs. “Lady Rhea, at least try to remain lodged in the present for the time being. You know what is at stake,” he reminds her warily.

“Of course, I wouldn’t forget something as important as that,” she chides him with an unconvincing smile on her face. She might look immaculate once again, but her mind is distracted and her mask is anything but perfect right now.

Thankfully he leaves her be after that, although she knows he’ll keep an eye on her.

She sleeps easy that night, or easy by her standards at least.

Rhea finds herself in high spirits the next day, although she’s incredibly distracted. Her mind keeps wandering to, of course, Edelgard. She’s somewhat embarrassed when she realizes she’s excited to see her later. She hardly dares to think of what will transpire between them. If their previous time together is any indicator it’ll be something she doesn’t have the mental strength to think of now, yet she knows she’ll have the mental strength to actually do it, somehow.

She smiles at the thought.

And at her recent memories with Edelgard.

She’s in another rather long meeting and she does actually have to pay attention this time, which takes a lot of effort but she feels she manages decently.

They’re discussing the distribution of food among the larger villages on the border between Ardrestia and Faerghus, which have been affected the most by the war as Edelgard kept them occupied fairly long before she was forced back by the Church and Kingdom’s armies. Even when she had retreated to Enbarr it had taken almost a year for the other armies to completely free the villages.

Eventually the topic drifts away a little and the Ardrestia officials inform the rest about the remaining public support for Edelgard’s cause. The consensus is that there is still some support left for Edelgard’s goal of decreasing the power of the Church, albeit in much less aggressive ways, but there is little to no support left for Edelgard herself, who is seen as mad and a lost cause even among her former supporters now.

“It’s almost tragic how someone once so promising and admired will die alone and unloved,” one of the Kingdom officials retorts with an air of superiority and condescending pity.

Somewhere in the back of Rhea’s mind she idly protests at his statement because that’s not true, _she_ loves Edelgard, and then something

_snaps_

She has fallen in _love_ with Edelgard.

And.

She is going to have to _kill_ Edelgard.

And it’s not as if she had been in denial about the latter, she had been fully aware of it every moment, and even the former doesn’t really come as a surprise with how deeply Edelgard had been affecting her, it’s more the fact that she put it into words for the first time just now that startled her.

But it’s as if several truths had been peacefully co-existing next to each other within Rhea in nicely separated bubbles and right now all of those are popping at once and their contents are mingling with each other, only for Rhea to realize they do not mix. It’s like water and oil. All of them contradict each other and so they can’t settle in a logical way in Rhea’s mind.

Something very agonizing and distinct starts to stir within her, and with a feeling of dread she becomes aware that this might be something she won’t be able to come back from.

All she hears is a loud ringing in her ears.

If she acknowledges these feelings, if it becomes real and they make her go through with killing Edelgard she won’t be able to protect Fodlan any longer, she feels this truth very deeply in her bones.

In fact, she might just become the very thing that will destroy Fodlan.

Goddess, her mother’s legacy. What has she been _doing?_

She has a job to do, a world to protect. She has to keep on living past this.

Rhea becomes aware her body is still firmly rooted in the present even though her mind is anything but, as she suddenly feels all the people in the room stare at her with a worrying expression on their faces.

Dimly she realizes someone has been asking her if she’s feeling alright. She must have gone pale, she thinks.

“No, I’m not,” she blurts out hoarsely and her voice is shaking. Abruptly she stands up and the legs of her chair make a sharp creaking noise as they drag over the stone floor underneath. “Apologies, I-I have to go. I’m feeling unwell all of a sudden,” she manages to say, and the lie only managed to come to her because she remembered she used the same one yesterday.

She’s all but throws the door into the frame behind her as she leaves the room, unable to even care what the remaining people will think. She spares half a thought feeling relieved Seteth wasn’t present because he might just have been able to put at least some of the pieces together.

Rhea doesn’t know how long it takes, just that it took _too,_ long but finally she’s in her room and as she locks the door behind her, her self-control immediately crumbles.

The tears start to fall before she begins to cry. She tears off her golden crown in frustration and throws it against the floor with force, feeling even angrier when it doesn’t break.

This can’t be happening, she can’t cope with this. She wasn’t meant for this, it’s simply her duty to protect and guide Fodlan until her Mother returns, and everything must be sacrificed for her to keep doing that.

Even Edelgard, even _herself._

She needs her Mother, she thinks. Her Mother would know what to do, tell her how to be strong. With a deep feeling of guilt and anguish she realizes she hardly even thought of her in the past days, hardly even thought of her legacy, of Fodlan. She’s been cancelling meetings to visit Edelgard, for Heaven’s sake.

If she accepts her love for Edelgard and goes through with killing her it’ll break her. Whatever twisted love she holds for Fodlan and its people will turn into an even more twisted hate.

And hate might be something fleeting to the Archbishop.

But it most definitely isn’t to _her_.

She used to be a War Saint, after all.

If they make her do this, if they make her kill someone she loves, she _will_ wage war against them until either Fodlan or she herself is destroyed.

How _dare_ they try to take away something she holds dear again. These people will never leave her be and just have to take everything she loves from her over and over again. She just wants to take everything from them instead, they deserve to know what it feels like. The mere thought makes her want to raze Fodlan into flames until she’s consumed along with the lands.

Her body is shaking with anger, but when she becomes aware of the hatred she’s running on, clouding her thoughts, it abruptly passes over into grief. She sinks onto the floor and buries her face into her hands.

It’s not the people’s fault, not this time. Instead both Edelgard and Rhea have taken numerous steps and made numerous mistakes cumulating into this result. This is the final consequence of something they have both set into motion.

Rhea hardly even understands why this is affecting her so badly. She has lost people she has loved before, she fought them too, even killed some of them when they turned against her. She has seen her fair share of war and betrayal and death, but somehow this is tearing her apart from the inside.

Rhea never had to choose between her duty and her own desires on such an intense scale before, she realizes. She hardly even had any desires anymore for the last centuries, aside from her wish to see her Mother return.

She’s her own puppet and puppet master, she thinks, with the way she makes various versions of herself dance in front of the public. Yet the her that hides isn’t free at all, she’s firmly stuck in this position as well.

She can’t abandon her Mother’s legacy, not like this. Everything in her life always had to make way in order to protect it, she can’t do this to her Mother. She can’t choose the life of one girl, one who actually committed a lot of crimes, over the fate of Fodlan. She has never been allowed to choose her own feelings over Fodlan.

What do her own feelings even mean? Has she really fallen so deeply she wishes she could wage war for Edelgard? How could she even do this to herself, her Mother and family? Edelgard tried to _destroy_ her and her family, for Heaven’s sake. She spread war across the world to bring her Church down.

And Rhea has kissed her and held her and oh Goddess she has slept with her. It makes no sense and yet her feelings inside her are screaming to be heard, she wants to love her with all her heart, even the parts that won't forgive Edelgard.

Frantically she tries to look for a way out, a way to save Edelgard.

A life sentence? Rhea isn’t sure she has the political power to do that and get away with it unscathed. It hardly matters, Edelgard has made it fairly clear that such a thing would be worse than death, as she feels she has committed too much sins to live on if she doesn’t have the ability to make up for them. Not to mention how being stuck in a cell has been affecting her. It would be beyond cruel of Rhea to force her to live out her life inside those for walls for her own selfish desire.

Maybe they could run? With all the magical restrictions on Edelgard there is only a small chance they’d make it out of the monastery unseen to begin with. And then what? They’d be hunted to the edge of the world. Both of them are widely known throughout the lands and with both of their distinct hair colors it would be a simple matter of time before someone recognized them, no matter where they’d go. And once they are captured one would only have to check for Edelgard’s scars and her ears to confirm their identity. She doesn’t think either of them could bear the anguish of spending the last stretch of their lives being hunted down, knowing their capture is inevitable.

Various other ideas cross her panicking mind. Faking their deaths, revealing her true form, willing the Church to wage war. All of them end similar, in failure. They’ll lose, be captured and Rhea will be executed alongside Edelgard.

And Fodlan will be the one to suffer for it.

She _can’t_ let that happen, she’s a Child of the Goddess and she has to act like one. She’s meant to serve and guide the people, at least until her Mother returns. Plunging Fodlan into chaos for a single war criminal is not an option, it would be a betrayal of the highest order. Someone with the amount of influence and power as herself does not have the freedom to chase personal desires, she belongs to the people.

Her body is heaving as she’s crying uncontrollably but she doesn’t spare a thought to how unsightly she must look. She’s desperately trying to get out of this, but everything leads back to a single agonizing conclusion.

She’s going to have to execute Edelgard.

For her to be able to do that, Rhea cannot love her.

And suddenly Rhea cannot find it in herself to visit Edelgard anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * slaps fic* this bad boy is going to fit fit SO much angst, you have no idea!
> 
> Me, trying to write something erotic: Let's keep it vanilla:)  
> Also me, an intellectual: But add a symbolic death wish to it that they cope with in the form of sexual arousal instead, you gotta.  
> Lastly me, a truly unparalleled genius: And then make the actual sex scene vanilla.  
> Perfect.
> 
> I spend two fucking weeks agonizing over this chapter. Bless these bitches but I hate them.  
> How the fuck does one write realistic healthy bdsm dynamics when the two idiots in question have never even heard of the fucking concept and have also made an art out of repressing their feelings, so instead they just think there is something very wrong with them that they must hide at all costd. Trying to get them to communicate about it realistically was hell. 
> 
> Rhea: I'm being so covert about consensually (sexually) assaulting my prisoner every day!  
> The same set of guards who watch the Archbishop come, stay for hours and leave looking increasingly disheveled & each time they bring Edelgard her dinner they're treated to an increasing set of suspicious bruises: Wack.


	8. Blood so angry, blood so furious, but the Heart can't recall just why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so slight addition to the AU part of my fic, which i might have forgotten to weave into my story earlier, but this AU people can hide the identity of which Crest they bear, even when using its power freely. I'll explain it in this chapter, but bear with me. The game was so vague about how crests function anyway, i figured I could bend the rules a little in my favor.

Rhea realizes she doesn’t have the vaguest sense of what time it is.

And with muted fear she becomes aware of the fact she can’t remember the last time she _did_ know what time it was, either. She hardly remembers anything from the past days at all, but what she does remember with clarity is that she never had an idea about the time during them.

The last thing she remembers with clarity is how she fled from that meeting and even then she was already in a daze which had rapidly grown into a permanent state of near deliriousness.

She recalls she had somehow made it to her room, only to break down and ungracefully cry on the floor until she had looked more messed up she had in years. She had been in panic, frantically searching for salvation for both herself and Edelgard, for a solution, a Divine intervention but it had only driven her to either the edge of exhaustion or the edge of madness. She had barely been coherent enough to be able to opt for the former of the two and had unceremoniously dragged herself onto her bed. Before she completely lost consciousness she had managed to wrap herself into the blanket from head to toe. Still completely dressed -along with the accessories in her hair- it should have been uncomfortable but she doesn’t remember she cared or even noticed. All she had craved was to lie completely and utterly still under something heavy so maybe sleep would mercifully devour her, sure that if sleep wouldn’t do it, insanity would to it instead.

She had felt so exhausted her limbs had hurt if she’d try to move them. It would be a deep sleep, she had sensed, unlike the broken nights from the days before. She recalled she didn’t care when she would wake again, or if she would at all. The last thing she remembered from that evening was how her consciousness had begun to waver and she was losing the ability to think. That’s what she had longed for.

Nothing.

And soon the sweet nothingness had claimed her.

* * *

She has no idea how long she has been asleep but by the time she becomes aware of muffled whispers and footsteps in her room she realizes it’s late in the day as her room feels warm and the sunlight is mercilessly creeping over her face. She squints her eyes shut and hopes to drown out the world a little longer.

“…Rhea, are you awake?” A familiar voice asks with clear worry. Startled she glances into the direction of the sound. Her eyes come to rest on a silhouette at the edge of her chamber. Her pupils haven’t yet adjusted to the harsh sunlight so all she can make out is the shape of a blurry man in green and black colors. “Rhea?” the man asks again. “Can you hear me?”

She nods weakly.

He steps closer as her vision becomes less blurry. When he gets close enough she can make out his distinct appearance. Something in her heart tugs fondly at the sight of him. This man was familiar to her, she cares for him. She gives him a small, tired smile. Not only is he familiar, she is met with flashes of the earliest moments of her life and there he is present. “B-Brother?” she says tentatively.

He smiles at her. “Yes, sister. It’s me, Seteth.”

She blinks a few times in confusion, something is wrong. Why does everything feel so far away, she wonders. It’s as if there is a thick cloud in her head, dampening all her thoughts and making everything so foggy she can’t see her own mind clearly. Just how long had she been sleeping?

That _was_ what she was doing, right?

Seteth looks at her tentatively. “Are you alright? Everything feels… wrong somehow.” He says it gently but there is a clear a hint of worry -of strain- in his voice. “You don’t normally get out of bed this late, we were worried so we came to look for you,” he explains to her.

She shifts in her bed, raising herself up just high enough from underneath the covers so she can see there are indeed two people in her room.

The first one is clearly Seteth, yes.

Something uncomfortable stirs within her. _She should have known that instantly._

The other person is smaller than him. Much to Rhea’s horror she realizes she would have drawn a complete blank if it wasn’t for the girls’ long green hair and distinct eyes feeling familiar somehow.

“Can I see your ears?” she asks impulsively, fully convinced it would be helpful for… something.

The girl looks taken aback at her words and nervously glances at Seteth, who also seems uncomfortable by her sudden question.

 _Oh_. Perhaps Rhea has asked something inappropriate she considers with a pang of guilt.

Before she can remedy her words the girl walks towards the edge of Rhea’s bed and sits down, feet poised on neatly the floor. She turns her head and smiles gently at Rhea. “Here, look,” she says and moves her hand towards her hair, brushing away some the thick green locks.

Rhea feels a sense of elation and recognition well up in her. “You have a pointy ear.” This is important, she can tell. “I knew it, you’re on of us,” she confirms, more to herself than to the girl. She smiles warmly at her, feeling relief washing over her because she’s at least recalling something.

Behind them Seteth coughs. “Rhea….wait, you remember that that’s your name right?” He asks tensely.

She gives him a long, curious glance and dismisses his silly question with a shrug. “Of course I know my name is Rhea, you just told me so, brother,” she chides him, amused his cluelessness.

Yet both from the looks of the two people in the room and the nagging feeling in her mind she can tell that something was very wrong.

An unsettling sensation settles in her stomach, making her feel cold from within.

Shouldn’t this be common knowledge for her?

 _It should._ What is wrong with her?

“Do you know my name?” the green haired girl asks carefully.

Rhea gives the girl a long look. Her name, along with countless more details about her are clearly present in her memories, dwelling at the edge of her consciousness. Something frizzles in her brain, as if all her knowledge is still there but the paths leading to it are on fire and the clue as to how to extinguish the flames is hidden within the blaze.

The girl gives her a hopeful look. “I usually call you aunt… Aunty Rhea,” she adds softly, pressing slightly

Something clicks in Rhea’s head and one of the fires goes out instantly.

“…Fl-flayn,” she chokes out and impulsively reaches out her arms, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her close. Without hesitation Flayn wraps her arms around Rhea’s waist in return.

Rhea had been unaware of the intense about of stress and anguish she had been under, but feeling Flayn safely in her arms makes some of it melt away.

Unfortunately, it also leaves her fully aware of the pain that remains.

She’s crying before she realizes it, only noticing when she sees the fabric covering Flayn’s shoulder getting damp from her tears. Hurriedly and disorientated Rhea breaks the embrace. Her eyes nervously dart from Seteth to Flayn, but their expressions both mirror how she’s feeling.

“My family,” she mumbles softly, pained. “What is _wrong_ with me?”

Without hesitation her family crawls on the large bed, each on opposite sides of and sit close to her, their shoulders touching gently. Seteth puts his hand on her shoulder, carefully brushing her hair to her back, while Flayn grabs one of Rhea’s hands with both of her own and places them on her own lap. Rhea glances at their joined hands for a long moment, dimly feeling as if the act had some other meaning to her, as if it’s some kind of echo of something else.

Before she can dwell on the nagging feeling Seteth asks her if it’s alright if he and Flayn talk with her for a while, with Rhea either simply listening or join as she wishes. Just to get a grasp on what happened to her memories and what she still remembers, and to help her remember.

It’s not that unheard of for a Dragon, (she remembers this part about herself clearly) especially one of her age, to experience sudden memory loss. Usually the reason is easy to trace, blunt force trauma to their head while in human form, overexertion of their powers, trapped in an incredible stressful situation for a prolonged time. Any kind of sudden traumatic experience. In most cases their memory fully comes back when they recall the cause.

She nods at his question, hoping to recall what happened.

Seteth smiles and brings up familiar topics to her. At first it’s mostly small-talk, about the Monastery, the students, the cats and dogs dwelling in their home. Rhea finds herself keeping up with the conversation easily, although some memories feel as if she has to force away a cloud before it’s fully accessible again. Beforehand she can vaguely recall bits of the events, it just needs to be ‘pulled to the front’ again for her to get access to the full memory.

They speak of Professor Manuela recently getting caught sneaking back onto the Monastery grounds in the middle of the night, as leaving at night is forbidden for even the faculty members. Something about being close to the sacred and the holy. All three of them laugh at her failed attempt. It’s not the first time she tried this and it certainly won’t be the last. Only the Goddess knows how many times she has succeeded already. Rhea never really minded, it was even somewhat amusing to her. As long as the guards do their jobs and at least catch her occasionally the pristine image of the Monastery would remain intact.

As they go on eventually both Seteth and Flayn shift to get comfortable. Seteth leans back to rest against the large pillow behind them, mirroring his sister. Flayn instead leans her head on Rhea’s shoulder.

Instantly something surges through her brain and Rhea’s eyes shut at a sudden overwhelming feeling of ­nothing, as if her mind completely stops. She’s still conscious, just unable to think. It feels as if she’s suffocating and falling into an endless hole. The frizzling sensation is back in her mind at once and it’s more than twice as loud and painful as earlier. She opens her eyes tentatively, forcing her eyes to take in her surroundings even though it hurts to do so. When she glances to her side, to where Flayn should be resting against her shoulder she instead sees a flash, a memory of white hair covering her shoulder. Like it had before, like it _should._

Instantaneously her brain is on fire, and while it’s hurting and damaging her it also spews out the answers she’s been trying to dig up from the recesses of her fractured mind.

With a pained cry she lunges forward, in a vain attempt to flee. She comes to rest on her knees folded under her, hands digging into the mattress. Her niece and brother are both startled by her sudden movement but follow her regardless.

Tears start falling down Rhea’s eyes, seeping into the blankets.

She remembers.

The memories are seeping relentlessly in and it hurts.

“E-Edelgard,” she stutters. “Where is she?” Rhea rasps roughly. A horrifying feeling overcomes her “ _No_ ,” she almost whispers, her voice high and barely audible. “Is she … is she _alive?”_ She’s terrified of the answer and even Rhea is surprised by how fragile and broken her voice sounds.

Her family is with her in an instant, Seteth rests his hand on her back and Flayn takes hold of her hands.

“Why do you want to know, Rhea?” Seteth asks gently. “Did she do anything to hurt you like this?” His voice makes it clear he’s on edge.

“Just tell me brother, _please_ ,” Rhea hears herself beg him but unable to care how unsightly she might seem. She’s desperate and doesn’t have the strength to put up with her brother’s perpetual habit of trying to protect her from things she has a right to know.

Seteth sighs in resignation. “The guards checked on her before we visited you, she seemed just fine. Wary of us but somehow more… placid, who knew she had that still in her.” He shrugs dismissively as he has no interest in the inner workings of their prisoner.

With each passing second Rhea can feel memories of Edelgard dripping into her mind. Endless visions –memories- swim in front of her eyes.

Of Edelgard kneeling in front of Rhea and speaking holy scriptures to her aloud, Rhea strangling Edelgard, Rhea comforting a crying Edelgard straddled on her lap, Rhea kissing Edelgard, the both of them getting so intimate and being so closely connected that Edelgard asked her to bite her skin, and how good it felt to do so, she remembers holding Edelgard close in bed and the blur of pleasure and love that followed.

Love.

That’s right, she’s in love with Edelgard.

A tiny spark of happiness swells within her.

But then the dam in her breaks, and the fleeting happiness she felt is drowned along with the endless memories flooding in.

The tears fall again and this time her family members won’t understand because Rhea knows she can’t explain it to them. She forces herself to steel her mind, to throttle her feelings, years of experience make it almost disgustingly easy. She hates herself for it. Slowly she feels her doubts, fears and uncertainty weaken and diminish as her tears stop falling.

Rhea’s mental strength rises once more, and it’s nothing but a disappointment to her.

She sighs deeply in resignation.

For Fodlan.

Anything more doesn’t need to be said

Her family is torn between asking what’s wrong and not pressing further, courtesy of the delicate state she’s in. It helps her easily wave away their weak attempts to understand her anguish.

Defeated, Seteth and Flayn insist she takes some bed rest, at least until tomorrow. She doesn’t protest, her limbs still feel heavy and painful, and somewhere in the back of her head she feels the urge of sleep nudging her.

Her past and future feel disconnected from her present self, and her present self wants to sleep, to escape.

She smiles at them and agrees, to which they inform her they’ll bring her meals. She nods, smiling again and bids them goodbye. After a squeeze in her shoulder from Seteth and a quick hug from Flayn they head for the door and say their own goodbyes. With a small wave from Flayn they close the door behind them.

Silence.

Rhea sighs, feeling the tendrils of panic trying to get a hold of her mind. Her family was a pleasant distraction but now she needs to be alone, she’ll need to steel herself for the days to come. It worries her, with the fractured and chaotic state of her mind it will be a challenge.

She blankly gazes at nothing, unsure of how much time is passing and without any concrete thoughts or feelings.

Slowly but surely an unshakable numbness begin crawling into her skin, her bones and her heart. Rhea feels like an automaton of some sorts, she can’t be anything more. Her feelings are subdued and whatever emotion rears its ugly head at unfortunate times is suppressed with ease by Rhea herself.

Eventually she falls in a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

After that the days become a blur. Or rather, all passage of time becomes a blur. She numbly gets up again at one point and her family is there to help her. They make sure she has eaten and they help her dress so that she at least looks like the immaculate Archbishop once again. She can smile too, she discovers. And no one can tell if it’s genuine or not.

It’s not.

After leaving her chambers she blends in with the busy monastery life with ease, almost if she never left. She works, attends sermons, has meetings, does some paperwork and mingles with both students and guests, those with or without clear purpose for a visit. It comes to her naturally yet everything feels disconnected from each other and every step she takes is a distorted mess.

Edelgard, along what everything that happened between them in the prison cell, feels so disconnected from the rest of her life it might as well have been nothing but a book she has read. The mere idea that the last days really happened starts to feel increasingly unrealistic to her.

She’s the Archbishop, and nothing more.

And so the hours begin turning into days.

Sleep doesn’t come for Rhea anymore, as being alone in the dark makes it a struggle not to dwell on painful feelings. Each time she tries to relax her vision assaults her with images of Edelgard, and if she were to let those in in she’d break so she remains awake and vigilant.

The lack of sleep makes her feel on edge -almost delirious- and it’s getting hard to keep track of anything.

Slowly everything becomes a blur.

When she left her chambers earlier that day, she made sure her clothes were nothing less than immaculate as always but that’s just a farce at this point. Her fractured mask still holds but underneath it everything just screams ‘ _help me’,_ ‘ _I’m losing myself_ , and ‘ _I don’t think I’m going to last’_.

But of course very little people seem to notice it.

Edelgard would have noticed, Rhea spitefully thinks to herself. She freezes and immediately purges all thoughts of Edelgard until they are back into the deep recesses of her mind, reducing the memories nothing but a waning dream. She is _not_ to think of her now, or she’ll break.

It feels warm in the Cathedral, Rhea distracts herself with instead. It’s an indicator that the sun still shines brightly and relentlessly. It’s summer, she recalls dimly.

She blankly stares ahead as the other people in the Cathedral, everyone from student to knight to devout prayer are bustling about. They’re busy offering their prayers, being on duty or engaging in hushed conversations. Rhea has to interact with them very little, yet her ever looming and powerful presence gets eyes drawn to her quite frequently.

She ignores their gazes -dismissing them with ease- and looks down into her Cathedral from up where she is perched as the head, almost as if she’s part of the interior. Somewhere at the back of her mind she realizes she can’t quite recall how she got here in the first place, as all her memories feel isolated and disconnected from each other. It hardly matters, she’s been walking these halls for centuries. She knows all halls and paths by heart without a thought, no matter if she can’t consciously call what they lead to any longer.

For the first time the Archbishop thinks the Cathedral feels much stuffier, heavy and even cramped. Everything suddenly feels _different,_ as if she’s here for the first time. It’s strange, Garreg Mach has always been her home but now she feels like an unwelcome guest. As if the walls are whispering about her wrongdoings, wanting her gone from within them as she taints the Cathedral with her sins.

Yet she can’t recall which sins she has committed any longer.

She’s confident they are severe and plentiful nonetheless.

All of a sudden she desperately wishes to be gone from this place. It feels as if it has been trapping her here for centuries. Instead she wants to be outside in deep secluded forests, where no one can find her, judge her or hurt her. With a sense of dread she feels she can’t seem to smother the need to run and struggle to get as far away from here as possible.

Away from what again?

Away from Garreg Mach of course, she thinks numbly.

Away from Edelgard.

She’s too slow to stifle pained gasp, and for once a Divine _something_ takes pity on her because no one else seems to notice.

She can’t let herself think of _the prisoner._ That’s all the girl is to her now, Rhea forces herself to think.

With some effort she shakes all thoughts of her prisoner and mingles herself again in the busy Monastery life, hoping to find the distraction she so desperately craves.

Sometime later a few high-ranked officials enter the Cathedral, looking for Rhea. She ends up being roped up in a discussion about the current political flow of the masses. About which specific groups are aligning with each other and which groups are becoming stronger. Rhea tries hard to remain invested in the topic, listening with intent and concentration, it numbs her panic somewhat.

It feels as if the meeting is going on forever, and eventually all she wishes is that it would be over. The people are speaking so slowly, she thinks agitatedly. However, maybe Rhea’s mind is being too quick and comprehending for once, as she can tell what they are going to say before they even raise their voice.

At any rate, it’s slowly driving Rhea mad, she’s getting restless and uncomfortable. It feels as if she shouldn’t be here at all, she wishes she had other places to be.

…Doesn’t she have other places to be?

She shakes the thought before it can take hold of her, as she feels it comes with pain.

Instead she sighs and immediately fears the people with her will notice and take it as a sign of disinterest or superiority.

She only feels a twinge of guilt, because both of them are true.

Rhea outranks them all, yet she hardly needs to say anything. No, all she has to do is smile in approval, or give a cold glare when she doesn’t approve, and she can do both without feeling interest.

They take her hints without much fuss and she’s thankful for that at least.

She stops trying to keep up with what the officials in the room are discussing at some point and instead opts to glance at one of the huge and detailed painted windows behind them. Through the colored figures in the painted glass –more than of them depicting her former self, albeit vaguely enough the resemblance between her and the art doesn’t pose a risk- she can just make out the position of the sun.

Noon then.

Her heart sinks within her. Another day away from her prisoner.

All of a sudden she is both blessed and cursed with a moment of clarity, making her aware of some of her conflicting feelings.

She’s running, she knows this very well. But she also knows that if she keeps running on long enough she’ll run past the prisoner’s execution and then straight into…. into what? 

What future is waiting for her? What future does she have left?

Rhea… is _weak._

Especially now, with her heart so close to breaking.

She knows deep down she won’t be able to guide and control Fodlan as her Mother wished her to do. She can’t do it, not without the prisoner in her life.

Rhea stills.

No, wait that’s deeply _wrong_. It should be her Mother she needs.

She gasps in horror at the conflicting thoughts assaulting her. It’s true, she won’t be able to guide Fodlan into prosperity. Not…not without the prisoner by her side. No, not without _Edelgard._

She needs to be able to think of her name – _Edelgard-_ at least _._ It’s all she has and it gives her strength, for now. A sense of reality she can ground herself in. _While she is still alive._ A tremor courses through her body, but she’s confident it’s not visible, her robes hiding every bit of vulnerability she has.

Whatever it takes, Rhea can’t visit her. She _can’t._ It would only make things worse.

She feverishly she glances around the large and imposing interior of the Cathedral, overriding her thoughts of Edelgard of ones about the Church, her faith, her _Mother._ As it should. Those are the only things she lives for, the only thing she’s allowed to live for.

Unable to reconcile her torn feelings and memories they fracture once more into a mess of incoherent pieces and she loses the ability to make sense of them.

The meeting, which had been lasting for nearly two hours now, is abruptly interrupted by Seteth as he approaches them without much care for politeness. “Ladies, gentlemen, I must apologize to you. I’m afraid I need Lady Rhea somewhere else on urgent business.”

They mutter in protest but Rhea stands up from her throne without another thought, wishing them all a pleasant afternoon before hurriedly following her brother down towards the door of the Cathedral. Along with her niece, who had been waiting just out of sight, they leave the generals and bishops with mild confusion.

She doesn’t care what reason they have in store for her, she really needs to be with them. They’re a welcome distraction from well… _everything_ else in her life, and truthfully she needs them too. If only because they keep helping remember what time it is. Or….what _day?_

Her body goes rigid and she falters in her steps. Her family notices her lack of movement when they suddenly find themselves five steps ahead of her.

“Are you coming, Lady Rhea?” Flayn calls out to her. Rhea nods weakly and tries to smile lightly, taking a few reluctant steps. Something urgent is attacking her deep inside her brain. The day… why is that suddenly important. Once she’s caught up to them she inhales sharply. The _day!_ What if she’s too late? _…_ but for what? She feels so disorientated again, as if each of her memories have been ripped apart and are simply loose, unconnected fragments without a bigger meaning.

She’s thankful for her family once more as they catch on to her confused state. Flayn smiles reassuringly at her as she grabs her arm and gently guides her onwards. It helps a lot. They make their way through endless crowded halls with slowly turn into halls nearly devoid of life as they move on to lesser publically accessible parts of the Monastery. Finally they come to a stop at the end of a completely empty hall, where Seteth opens a door with an old looking key.

When they enter the room it smells of old and fading books. _Perfect,_ Rhea thinks. A moment out of time.

They sit down along a large and long table. Out of habit Rhea picks the chair seated at the head of the table. Or actually, if you look at how the rest of the room is structured and ordered, it’s more like she chose to sit at the bottom end of the table. Either way it doesn’t matter. Seteth and his daughter both sit down as well, on either side of Rhea.

They sit in silence for a long moment.

Rhea knows what her family is thinking. Nabateans sometimes threaten fall into a state their people used to call Degradation. If it overwhelms one of their kind they’ll lose themselves and go berserk as they are reduced to a self-destructive state of violence and madness.

Thankfully they can feel it coming long before the danger becomes dire. To avoid Degradation they instinctively being feelign a growing and irresistible need to pass out of sight, memory, and existence for a long time. They get the strong urge to live outside of time for a long time until they have made peace with themselves and the world again. It’s a way to calm themselves and renew their hold on life and reality.

Only under stressful or traumatic occasions Nabateans will succumb to this phenomenon, when their age, all the losses, pains and betrayal, loneliness and a longing for days long gone overwhelms them. This need is usually triggered by a deeply painful moment which etches into them, one that afflicts the mind more than the body. The pain keeps getting stronger, hollowing one out, until it becomes too much.

It’s not death they long for, not unless something goes _really_ wrong. It feels more like a strong, nearly irresistible desire for a long sleep, peace, or sudden change. If the symptoms are left ignored the mind of a Nabatean will eventually begin to fade and succumb, until Degradation overpowers what remains of their sanity.

Rhea’s kind have found various ways to cope. The easiest is the long sleep, you simply sleep and wake up after years of slumber. The downside is that you can’t really predict how long you sleep. These slumbers can last from a decade to far over a century. It’s both a blessing and a curse, as when you wake up no one recognizes you anymore. Meaning you can simply start your life anew in whatever way you wanted. The curse is -of course- the fact that time might not have passed for you, but it has for every human you knew and loved, and so there is a good chance all of them are long gone from this world by the time you wake up.

It’s a painful price to pay, Rhea thinks. All of them lose so much, leaving them with such pain and fleeting memories. All for Fodlan to return to its former glory, all for the Goddess’ return. And it’s a price she has personally paid as well.

It’s very much possible to shake the feeling off and recover without succumbing to the dire need for sleep or change, however.

In order to deal with the strain and pressure on their lives at the monastery, Flayn and Seteth had left to become a farmer and his fishing daughter for over twenty years half a century ago, Rhea remembers. It had been lonely.

Less dire methods also help, if one can reconnect to their surroundings quickly and deeply enough. It helps them hold on to their reality and stay rooted in the present.

Which is precisely what Seteth and Flayn are going to try.

Rhea sighs, knowing full well what her family is going to say. She’s been showing the signs, or similar signs at least. She can’t sleep, she’s losing track of time, she’s hardly aware of the present, her thoughts feel scattered yet stronger than the words being said to her and she can’t follow a conversation at all, especially if it involves multiple people.

In order to cope she had opted to pace around empty hallways at odd times. She’d spend hours on her balcony, enjoying the coolness of night until her thin nightgowns weren’t enough to keep her warm any longer. Even then she’d still sit outside for a long time, the cold making both her body and her brain feel pleasantly numb.

As a result she was now deeply exhausted to the point that it hurt and it had become nearly impossible to focus on anything whatsoever. She had taken to napping in between appointments, hoping to get a quick hour or so of rest before the next meeting or sermon. Sometimes it helped but more often the short sleeps were stressful and she’d wake up feeling weaker than before.

Because of all these circumstances, her memory and awareness of the passage of time has been severely impaired.

She still knows that much, at least.

Seteth and Flayn wrongfully -but understandably- think she’s being torn apart by the burden of time in the way their kind does. So they’re going to try and do everything in their power to save her from her fate. They can’t lose her, not right now.

Fodlan can’t lose her.

* * *

With all these signs present, Seteth and Flayn had concluded that Rhea is threatening to fall into ‘that time’ and in order help her and lighten her burden they had both become Rhea’s pillars of support. They’ve been making sure she’d be present at the proper time of whatever appointment she had, they took to see she’d eat, they helped her dress as she was too absentminded to do it as perfectly as she normally insists on, they would wake her from her inconsistent naps and they let her aimlessly wander the monastery halls at night. Anything to calm her and lessen the burden of her overloading mind.

It had helped somewhat, but her condition was worsening rapidly.

They really need to talk to her, to intervene.

The three of them are sitting in one of the more elite conference halls of Garreg Mach, one only they have access to them if the lands aren’t at war.

Father and daughter stare at one another, unsure of what to say or how to start. Flayn and Seteth share an amused glance as Rhea seems utterly mesmerized by one of the long green drapes covering the high windows. Her eyes flicker over every detail with fascination, from the way the sunlight makes it seem light up to slight wear from age present in the fabric.

“How are you doing, dear sister?” Seteth asks, awakening Rhea from her daze. She startles slightly and turns to look at him almost curiously, as if she only now realizes he and Flayn are here as well. “I’m doing just fine, brother. Thank you for asking,” she says with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. Her eyes are too tired to smile, Seteth thinks bitterly.

Seteth is tired too and both he and his sister usually prefer it if the other get straight to the point if they need to tell each other something important, so he does just that.

He glances at her and tries to rid his voice of any audible pressure. “Rhea, do you know what day it is?”

The Archbishop is quiet for a few seconds, lost in either thought or concentration. Slowly she brings a finger to her lips and looks up for a moment. “Mhm… we are in the Garland moon….are we not?” she says uncertainly.

It’s clear she had to strain herself to recall this little bit of information and it only confirms her family’s suspicion she’s barely aware of the present anymore. Flayn watches Rhea warily, worry seeping into her.

“Yes, Rhea that is correct,” Seteth says gently, as if she’s doing something worth of praise.

“Isn’t Flayn’s birthday next moon?” Rhea adds absentmindedly. “We should celebrate.” She gives Flayn a warm smile.

It just unnerves Flayn more.

“That’s also true, Rhea, I’m glad you remember,” Seteth tells his sister.

“But br- Father…. what about the day,” Flayn insists and turns to look at Rhea. “Aunty, the…day?” she repeats, not yet fully grasping what is wrong with the usually so serene and all-knowing Archbishop.

She has never seen any of their kind so deeply affected by the struggles of their species, or see the effects worsen so drastically.

Rhea turns her head to meet Flayn’s eyes. For the first time Flayn takes good look at Rhea’s features and it makes her shiver slightly discomfort. She looks almost….brittle. There are deep black circles under her eyes, her skin looks frail, and her hair is duller somehow. Not immaculate at all, even though it’s hardly noticeable at first glance.

But it’s Rhea’s eyes that haunt Flayn the most. The light in them is faint and sometimes seems to be flickering. The greens in them have paled to an echo of Rhea’s once vibrant eyes. There is much less life in them than there should be.

“The day....” Rhea mutters softy. A pained look crosses her features before it settles into a muted frustration. “Uhm... I seem to have forgotten.” She sighs, seemingly disappointed with herself. “Seteth dear, what day is it again?”

She gets a look of sympathy from her brother because this isn’t the first time today Rhea has asked him this. He hides his worry and instead smiles reassuringly. “It’s the sixteenth of the Blue Sea Moon, dear sister.”

Rhea nods slowly, almost absentmindedly and then she suddenly stills. A confused – almost frightened- look etches itself onto her face and she helplessly looks at Seteth, silently asking him for answers to questions she doesn’t know. Something seems to be constantly hunting her in her thoughts but she’s unable to fully understand what, preventing it from fully attacking her. Instead it orbits her consciousness dangerously like a hawk.

Seteth thinks he has a good idea what’s wracking Rhea’s mind currently. “Tomorrow,” he says carefully. “Do you know what day tomorrow is?” He asks gently, trying not to cause any immediate stress or tension for his sister.

When no answer comes from Rhea quickly enough Flayn looks at her aunt with worry growing in her stomach. She recalls very well how numb she felt before she and her father left the Monastery all those years ago and how long it took for herself to regain even a fraction of the vibrancy in life she one had.

But this…this is different. It’s almost exactly the same as their kind’s need for slumbers and escape but something in Rhea feels very _wrong_. As if there is a huge hole where her heart should be, a hole her aunt herself isn’t even aware of anymore. Flayn worries that if that hole isn’t filled or healed soon even her aunt won’t be able to oversee the consequences. She shivers at the thought. Who knows how powerful Saint Seiros truly is and just what she’ll do if she finds out that the gaping, bleeding hole tearing open her heart will never be healed again.

“Tomorrow…” Rhea hums, yet her voice is strained. “Uh… it’s the seventeenth then, right? …Since today is the sixteenth, it would make sense....” She goes silent and shrugs, seemingly uncaring about the fact it’s very worrisome she can’t recall any of this on her own.

Flayn meet’s her aunts’ eyes one more, whose expression is disorientated and disconnected, as if she’s not completely here. In a way she even seems relaxed, yet also deeply exhausted.

Something heavy settles in Flayn’s stomach.

With a start she realizes Rhea is not fully present because her brain is straining itself to frantically search for solutions, for ways to escape from whatever it is that’s trapping her mind. She’s paralyzed with fear and anxiously fighting to connect gaps in her memory that only grow instead. Most likely she doesn’t even fully realize any of this, instead she’s walking dangerously close to the edge, blissfully unaware of the danger lurking beneath.

It would explain her forgetfulness and strange behavior. This isn’t normal for their kind at all, Flayn realizes, this isn’t an early symptom of Degradation. Instead her aunt is so deeply hurt she’s unable to cope with it. She’s in denial to protect herself.

Before Flayn can voice her new revelation, Seteth continues to talk to his sister.

“Yes, Rhea,” Seteth praises his younger sister, smiling. “Now, do you know what will happen tomorrow, on the seventeenth?” he lightly presses on.

Rhea looks at him in a daze, not understanding his question. Then she blinks, slowly and clearly confused. There is a sudden tremor in her lip. She forms tense fists with her hands, before relaxing her fingers, only to do it again a moment later, seemingly unaware of the movements herself.

She’s stressed, Flayn realizes with a sense of unease. Rhea is never stressed. Anger, agitation, fear, joy, calmness, she has seen all of those emotions within her aunt across the centuries. But this amount of stress is something Flayn has never seen in the Archbishop before.

“No, I don-” Rhea starts but the rest of her words die in her throat. Instead she desperately gasps for air. Her eyes, wide with increasing panic, dart back and forth between Seteth and Flayn. Abruptly she scrambles up from her chair and clumsily steps back a few paces, turning to lean her back against the wall. She stills there, her breathing heavy and irregular. Flayn gives her father a deeply concerned look, and he meets her eyes with equal worry.

A strained noise alerts their attention back to Rhea, who is beginning to lose herself in tears. Some parts of reality seem to be coming back to her with full force, albeit fragmented.

The calm façade of Rhea quickly crumbles in front of them. Gone are the fake smiles and vague answers.

This isn’t simply a Dragon who has pushed too far and needs to be reached out to, there is something else inside Rhea and it’s far more dangerous and also far more fragile than Flayn has ever seen in her aunt.

Rhea’s voice is rough and urgent when she speaks up.

“How many days have passed? Tell me how many, p _lease?!_ ” she all but demands – _screeches_ \- but her voice is breaking and interrupted by her cries. The tears are rolling down her cheeks but she doesn’t seem to care.

Seteth tries to remain calm as he tries to find out what’s ailing his sisters mind. “Days since what exactly? When did you start counting?” With a sinking feeling, Flayn already has a hunch when Rhea started counting.

“Since they brought her here, into our dungeons,” Rhea rasps, now starting to sound desperate.

“…You mean when Edelgard was first incarcerated here.” Seteth confirms with some strain in his voice.

When she hears that name Rhea loses what control she had left.

There is a long look of feral rage in her eyes, then almost instantly it switches into a pained grief etched so deep in Rhea it breaks her. With an agonizing wail she sinks to the floor and doesn’t even protect her body from the impact with her arms, a pained grunt escapes her lips as she hits the ground.

She doesn’t pay any mind to the pain, instead she curls herself up, drawing in both her knees and presses her back flush against the wall.

“No… no, _please.”_ She clutches her chest with hands, hunching over as if in pain. “ _Goddess,_ the execution… what have I _done_?” She chokes out as more tears start to spill.

She doesn’t even look at her family anymore, bringing her hands to her face instead. She cries into them with unrestrained anguish.

Seteth immediately gets up and rushes to approaches her, with Flayn tailing close behind him. But before Seteth has reached out for his sister she screams at him.

“DON’T,” she rages at the top of her lungs, her voice hoarse and broken. “Don’t touch me!” she continues. She shakes her head violently. “…Please brother, leave me. Both of you. I can’t control myself. _Please_.” She’s just barely coherent enough to speak, her cries taking away her voice. Her chest is heaving as she struggles to breathe.

Father and daughter awkwardly hoover close to her, torn between giving her the space she’s asking for and comforting her. Flayn fears she might try to hurt herself if her state worsens any more, and she knows her aunt –despite her appearance- is dangerously _strong._

She looks up to her father, unsure of what to do. When she meets his eyes she realizes he also has no idea what to do. This is something new for all three of them, it seems.

Flayn stands on her toes to quietly whisper into her father’s ear, confident her aunt won’t hear her. “It’s almost as if she’s in a pain so deep she can’t comprehend it…”

Seteth nods in return. “Do you think it was,” he lowers his voice as much as possible “ _Edelgard,_ who hurt her?” He asks her tentatively, struggling to say the Emperors name without too much disgust.

Flayn ponders this for a moment. Edelgard had hurt and hunted Rhea and her family for years, that’s true. But then why would Rhea break down now? With Edelgard completely defeated, up for execution and stuck in the dungeons, she’s no longer a threat to them anymore. If Rhea would have succumbed to the pain Edelgard’s war against them had cause her, it should have happened years ago.

“I don’t _want_ this, I can’t do it,” Rhea wails into her hands. “I-I wasn’t strong enough.”

She starts coughing and has to shift her body into another position so she can breathe more easily, granting lungs more access to oxygen. Still her breathing is shallow and uneven.

Not strong enough for what? What cruel fate is looming on the horizon for her aunt, Flayn wonders to herself with increasing urgency.

Rhea moves again and it allows both her family members to see her face as she lowers her hands, tear-streaked cheeks become visible along with her eyes. Both Seteth and Flayn are taken aback by her expression.

 _Rage_.

“It’s too late isn’t it?” Rhea drawls, suddenly sounding like she’s beyond anger and panic, falling downwards into chaos instead.

Swiftly she rises to her feet again, her movements strained and clumsy as she stands up, wobbling for a moment before she manages to steady herself, leaning back against the wall for support. Her hands scratch feverishly against the rough bricks. Flayn winces when she imagines how it must hurt to do so.

Rhea breathes heavily. “They took something else from me that didn’t belong to them.” Her voice is eerily quiet, yet it’s full of undiluted anger.

Flayn’s mind goes into overdrive, trying to put the pieces together. This rage, she’s heard of Rhea being this enraged before. She only falls into it whenever she lost something or something she held great love for. Or not loss alone, more as if something had been cruelly ripped away from within her without her consent. That should be a more appropriate term, Flayn thinks. The way Rhea acts like now is almost as when she lost her Mother. Flayn only heard fragments of Rhea’s reaction to her Grandmother’s murder but all of them fit exactly with what she’s seeing now.

But who or what has she recently lost? Just _what_ did Edelgard say or do to her in the dungeons? Are Flayn and Seteth in danger, did Edelgard threaten them? It’s a distressing thought yet somehow it doesn’t feel right, it’s not the answer. But she’s close, she’s sure of it. All of this must center on Edelgard somehow. The woman is the most prominent and physical source of pain in all three of their lives at the present.

Rhea suddenly chokes for air. “ _Goddess_ , what have I done?”

She lets out something between a scream and a growl, unnerving both Flayn and her father. “How could Fodlan _do_ this to me,” she screeches incoherently as all rational thought is suppressed by deeply rooted feelings. “How could they, how _could_ they!” she shrieks and growls. “Not again, I won’t accept it, not anymore.”

Seteth tries to console his sister in vain, not understanding her breakdown in the slightest. “Rhea, please, calm down. Please.”

“It’s too much, dear family” Rhea all but screams at both of them in return, yet het voice is brittle. She takes a deep breath and then stills unnervingly fast. “I won’t be able to protect and serve Fodlan any longer,’ she adds much more quietly, but even more distressing.

Then she gets a grin that _does_ meet her eyes, as her eyes go green with a familiar Dragon fury. Her human pupils reshape into a thin vertical line, making her look even more dangerous and powerful.

It all goes so quickly Flayn can’t keep up.

Her aunt breathes out and closes her eyes. “I _will_ have my vengeance against the people who hurt me,” she says with solemn finality. A warm green glow begins to radiate from her whole body. “The people who once again made me lose someone I lov-”

Flayn freezes in fear, unable to either run for safety or run to comfort her aunt as she realizes what her aunt is about to do.

“Rhea, _NO_. STOP NOW!” Seteth screams at her, not hearing what she was saying, too alarmed by the green light enveloping his sister.

But Flayn had managed to hear her. Someone Rhea loves…

Unlike Flayn Seteth doesn’t freeze and instantly rushes over and embraces her aunt, pushing her head onto his shoulder as he holds her tightly, no matter how dangerous it is to hold a Nabatean who is about to transform into their true form, which is several times a human’s size.

He’s desperate as he tries to reach out to his sister. “You’ll bring down the building if you change here, Rhea! With me and Flayn along with it. Please stop!” He begs frantically. “Rhea _please!”_

Rhea’s eyes flicker and the green diminishes somewhat. Flayn can just make out her aunts eyes through the glow, and she can tell Rhea is trying hard to focus on her brother’s voice as the magic within her fights with her mind for release.

 _“Rhea_!” Seteth hisses. “Please don’t do this, we’ll help you. Just calm down. You can rest in your chambers for as many days as you want or we can take you to some secluded place, anything. Please, sister. Calm down, we are here, you’re not alone.”

Seteth’s words get through to Rhea.

She seems to calm down as his words reach her. A slightly more natural light appears in her eyes as they return to their human from. Flayn breathes out in relief.

A strong tremor courses through her body and Flayn is convinced she would have collapsed if her father hadn’t been holding her.

After a while some of her aunt’s strength returns to her and she stands up more straight, gently pushing away her brother to get some space.

She smiles fragilely and guiltily at the both of them as the last of the green light evaporates. “I’m truthfully sorry,” she mutters weakly. “There are all these feelings inside me that are growing stronger no matter what I do and I know they’re bringing me so much agony, I don’t know if I’m going to last.” She chokes out the last word as tears pool into her eyes once more. She shakes her head, trying to steel herself and glances at her family “I don’t know what to do anymore,” she admits with a pained expression, silently begging for help.

Seteth seems aggravated by her words. “It’s all because of the prisoner. Rhea, what has she done to you…” he mutters, sounding apprehensive and very unwilling to find out despite very likely need to do so if they want to help Rhea. “Goddess knows why you kept insisting on visiting her,” he adds with muted pain and discomfort.

When Rhea goes rigid at his last words he quickly switches tactics. “No matter how deeply she has hurt you, her ultimate fate frees you from that. We’ll take you from Garreg Mach for some time. And by the time you come back there will be no memory of Edelgard lingering in all of Garreg Mach, ”he says, trying to sound reassuring as he meets his sister’s eyes. “There won’t be a single trace left of her destruction, I promise you.”

Much to both him and his daughter’s discomfort Rhea’s reaction is… unnerving.

Her eyes turn haunted and silent tears fall from them.

The expression on her face is that of an utterly defeated woman. “I just wished… I could have seen her one last time,” she says softly, trying to control her voice. She fails at it and chokes on another sob again as more tears roll down her cheeks, falling onto her garments.

“I have made such an enormous mistake.” she says, sighing tiredly. Her body is trembling and her voice is full of pain and sorrow. “I know it’s too late now, but I just really wish I could have told her something…. Something important,” she mutters as tears keep flowing down her cheeks.

Flayn is met with the dreading feeling she knows exactly what is wrong. It is a miscommunication between her father and aunt, and it’s solely Rhea because has lost grip on time. With her nights awake, her feverish naps, her new habit of avoiding everyone as much as she can, her increasing stress and failing self-restraint she no longer has any idea what day it is or how much time has passed. She doesn’t remember when Edelgard’s execution is supposed to take place. It’s has all become a blur for her, memories and delusions merging into one single truth.

She thinks Edelgard’s execution has already happened.

And for some reason the thought of that is breaking her.

Flayn sighs inwardly. Of course her father hasn’t caught on and has reached a completely different conclusion.

Seteth takes a careful step away from Rhea, who is still shaking and crying quietly. When Seteth reaches out his hand to her for her to follow him she hesitates a moment before weakly grabbing it with her own.

Smiling in relief, he pulls her along with him.

“It’s for the best we keep you away from Garreg Mach for some time, sister. To help you recover from whatever she did to you in those dungeons.”

Rhea nods weakly, taking comfort in his words. Seteth trembles in restrained anger at thought of Edelgard having yet found another way to hurt his sister, even though she should have been powerless. He desperately wants to ask his sister but he’s afraid that forcing Rhea to relive the memories will damage her more in her fragile state, and truthfully he’s afraid of the answer too.

As they move from the wall and Seteth helps a pained Rhea sit down in a chair once more Flayn feels herself torn into two. Should she tell Rhea the truth? She doesn’t know why but she’s convinced Rhea will immediately rush to the prisoner if she knows she’s still alive, without a thought for her own mental wellbeing.

Maybe it will help her cope with whatever it is Rhea and Edelgard still need to go through before it’s too late, giving her aunt the opportunity to express her inner turmoil.

But perhaps it’s better if Flayn keeps her mouth shut and makes sure her aunt is somewhere far away and safe when Edelgard is executed. Her being witness to it might just break her completely. And Flayn knows how deeply Rhea will regret that, she lives to protect Fodlan to a point that Flayn never quite understood. Yet she understands that it her aunt becomes unable to serve it any longer she’ll never forgive herself.

Flayn finds herself in turmoil and curses inwardly for being the only one in the room with enough awareness of the situation.

Letting Rhea see Edelgard might help her heal, but it might also break her even further.

…On the other side, making Rhea, who thinks that Edelgard is already dead, leave Garreg Mach and remain at a safe place so she will miss the execution… it might protect her from a painful exposure and bring her small and temporary reprieve, but once she finds out the truth -and Flayn is confident she will- Rhea might experience a whole different kind of pain. She’ll likely see her family’s way to protect her as betrayal from her own kin.

So no matter what, Rhea will end up hurt.

Her aunt’s words echo through Flayn.

_The people who once again made me lose someone I lo-_

It was love, wasn’t it? That was the word her aunt was going to say.

She has trouble surpassing the discomfort she feels when she reaches the only possible solution.

Rhea loves Edelgard.

The thought hurts her deeply. How could her own aunt -her own kin- who dedicates her whole life to protecting her family, the Church and all of Fodlan do… such a thing? Everything Rhea does in her life is to keep Fodlan in balance… Then how could she fall in love with the woman who spend the last ten years of her life trying to destroy it all, waging a bloody war against the Church, its doctrine, all remaining Nabataean’s, Flayn, Seteth, the Goddess’s legacy and most importantly _Rhea_ herself _._

How could her aunt do such a thing? It angers Flayn. Edelgard is beyond redemption and unworthy of any kind of mercy, let alone _love._

Has the Archbishop gone out of her mind?

Can she even cope with the knowledge herself? Surely it’s a grave sin even in Rhea’s own mind. She must struggle with the same feelings Flayn has about the matter. It’s a painful contradiction no matter how you look at it.

Several strong conflicting feelings run through Flayn and she ends up with a useless frustration because of it. She should really just not say anything. Whatever warped and twisted love Rhea grew for Edelgard is doomed in any case. It’s likely better if the healing can start now instead of risking her aunt suffering even more.

Goddess knows Edelgard doesn’t deserve Rhea anyway.

Her father has taken to caress Rhea’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but she doesn’t seem to notice it.

Flayn moves to sit next to Rhea and gives her a careful smile. She grabs her hand and squeezes her fingers around her aunt’s. The action registers in Rhea and the older woman turns her head to glance at her niece.

Flayn gasps for air in fright and momentarily loses the ability to breathe.

It’s grief, she tells herself.

She’s mourning, like she should. Mourning is healthy and the pain will pass. She will heal, Flayn tells herself again.

But Rhea’s eyes… they are hollow. There is a darkness inside them that doesn’t come from hatred nor bloodlust nor grief. No, it’s dark because there is nothing else inside. Her eyes have lost most of their light. The rest of her body doesn’t look much better, it seems frail and unnatural. She looks… mortal Flayn realizes with a start.

Her beloved aunt isn’t mourning.

No, her aunt is _dying._

“Ho-how are you feeling, dear aunt,” she asks tentatively, hoping Rhea’s reaction will quench her feeling of unease.

Painfully slow and awkward Rhea meets Flayn’s eyes with her own and when she manages to do so she tries to smile. It’s such a pained and forced smile Flayn is sure the Archbishop wishes she could cry instead. “I’m fine, dear,” she says hollowly “It will… just take some time for me to accept everything I think.” Her voice is so detached tone it reminds Flayn of someone reciting a play very badly. “I’m simply tired.”

When Rhea breaks their eye contact and proceeds to stare into the nothing straight ahead of her indefinitely, Flayn makes her decision.

This Rhea is no longer alive.

She’s nothing but a husk.

Not having been able to say farewell and part in a healthy manner has killed the part of Rhea that loved Edelgard. And judging by what little remains here with Flayn now, a lot of Rhea must have loved Edelgard very deeply. Idly Flayn wonders just how much Rhea herself is aware of her feelings.

Her aunt was never one to move on from the past.

Flayn coughs politely to draw attention to herself, unfortunately only her father notices and looks her way with a questioning expression.

“Aunt Rhea.” Flayn tries again, this time lightly tapping Rhea’s shoulder as well.

Finally the Archbishop turns her head and looks at her again, devoid of any hope or irritation, just tiredness. Flayn takes a deep breath and steels herself. She wonders if her father will get angry with her. She dismisses the thought. That’s a problem for later.

“Aunt Rhea,” she repeats slowly so her aunt can follow. “It has been almost three full days since we found you that morning, after you came back from visiting Edelgard.” She is met with a blank and muddled look but there is also anxiety swimming behind Rhea’s eyes, cogs stuttering behind them to comprehend the meaning of Flayn’s words. Determined, Flayn continues. “Tomorrow, the seventeenth, is when the trial for Edelgard execution is. Three days after the actual execution will be held.”

Rhea looks as her as if she doesn’t understand what is being said, almost as if Flayn is speaking in some obscure language.

After a long moment something stirs inside her and she seems to regain control over her vocal capacities. “No…that already happened,” she argues, shaking her head slightly. “I’m too late. The days… they were so blurry they bled into each other and…” She ends her sentence as she falls deeply into thoughts and grief again.

“I don’t even remember it,” she mutters quietly, voice full of anguish.

“No, it hasn’t aunty. Look within yourself, you know it to be true. You don’t remember because it hasn’t happened yet. It was you who decided on both of the dates,” Flayn insist with an almost stern urgency. “I’m not lying when I say today is the sixteenth. You can ask anyone in the Monastery and they’ll prove my words.” She looks at her father. “Right, Father. It is the sixteenth isn’t it?”

Her father gives her a very stubborn look, as if he’s reluctant to admit it. “Yes, it is indeed the sixteenth,” he mutters tentatively, before giving Flayn a wary look, clearly questioning where she is going with this.

Flayn sees Rhea staring at her blankly, but slowly something akin recognition is settling in her features as she begins to comprehend Flayn’s words. “It has truly only been three days?” she whispers, sounding disbelieving yet timidly hopeful.

Flayn nods. “Yes aunty.”

“So… Edelgard is still alive?”

Flayn nods again. “She is, you can go see so yourself if you want.”

The fragile and relieved smile blooming into Rhea’s expression, along with fresh tears falling again, proves everything Flayn thought.

“I can really still see her? She’s truly still down here in Garreg Mach?” she whispers with a breaking voice.

Flayn nods firmly. “I swear it, I can accompany you there myself.”

Behind her she hears her father stir as he moves to approach them.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think that would be wise,” he says curtly, as if it’s nonnegotiable.

Flayn jerks her head to look at her father. “ _What?_ Father, why? You can’t deny her this. Surely you can see how important it is to her,” she insist tensely.

He shakes his head. “All I _see,_ dear daughter, is the damaging effect _Edelgard_ ” he all but spits out her name “has had on my sister. Whatever she may have done…. just look at Rhea, she’s too hurt and mentally exhausted to face her again. It would be devastating to expose her to any more of that _monster,_ ” he hisses in anger.

Flayn is protesting before she has actually found the words to do so. She doesn’t know how to convince her father and if she should reveal her findings. She’s not sure her father would take well to Flayn’s discovery of Rhea’s newfound feelings for the prisoner. She herself can hardly grasp the concept without a sense of betrayal and disgust accompanying it. But she’s half convinced her father will forbid Rhea from seeing Edelgard at all if he knows, and he would go to great lengths to ensure she doesn’t still find a way to do so.

She opens her mouth to speak but before she can say anything her father continues.

“Spare me your arguments, Flayn. There are several good reasons why it would be extremely unwise to let your aunt visit Edelgard again, not the least of which is the result is visibly sitting right next to you. Do you not see how much trauma and pain the prisoner has put Rhea through already?” he stares hard at the ground in frustration. “Why she insisted on visiting her this many times without my knowledge is beyond me,” he mutters, angry at his lack of understanding his sister’s motives.

Not like Rhea was ever one to easily give away her reasons for doing things the way she did, Flayn thinks dryly to herself. Even though things always worked out in the end, Flayn still doesn’t understand some of her aunt’s more… questionable actions. But she knows deep down she can always trust her aunt.

Her father looks up again, first holding Rhea in his vision as empathy flashes through him, then he meets Flayn’s eyes once more. “Regardless, it’s even less wise now, as new… new information about her has come to light that could potentially hurt Rhea even further.

“What _information_?” Rhea utters sharply before Flayn can even fully comprehend the words herself.

She had been listening quietly to their arguing about herself until now but was apparently done with her fate being toyed with.

Seteth sighs but he’s tense and unyielding. “I really don’t think you should know of it, what with your… condition. It’s likely healthier if I inform you after she’s gone and you’re safe from her.”

“ _Seteth,”_ Rhea hisses quietly as her eyes narrow. “Will this newfound information bring any immediate _physical_ harm to me, my family or Fodlan if I know?” she asks persistently. Her voice is sharp and on edge, as if she’s making great effort to not run straight into the dungeons right now. Flayn squeezes Rhea’s hand in her own for comfort and to her relief, Rhea squeezes her hand in return. It’s reassuring, if only a little.

Seteth gives her a long look of visible struggle and uncertainty before giving in and shaking his head. “No it would not, Rhea.” He sighs warily, still not relenting. “But it might hurt your feelings even more deeply and I’m not confident you’ll be able to ha-”

“Tell me, brother.” Rhea insists urgently. “I do not have much patience today.”

“Rhea please, it would be unwise, I don’t want to bring you any more pain….” he says, struggling to convince his sister of his well-meaning intentions.

“Seteth, I _demand_ you tell me what you know, or so help me I’m going to her right now to find out myself.”

“I’m not sure that would be fruitful, how are you going to ask someone for information without any context of the nature?” he points out and shrugs, but his movements are rigid.

“ _Seteth…_ ” Rhea growls at him, not in the mood for his flailing attempts at arguing. “I deserve to know,” she insists again with even more urgency in her trembling voice. “Not to mention I outrank you, _brother,”_ she adds spitefully.

Flayn gulps for her aunt never brings up their ranks in private. When alone together, they’re equals. It’s proof of how desperate Rhea is, if she’d willing to use such drastic methods to get her way.

Seteth is restless and still uncertain, starting and dropping unfinished and unconvincing phrases that go nowhere. “I just don’t think that…”, “you’d end up more hurt than you already are.” and likely accidentally “she can’t take this from you as well, she already took so much…”

Much to what Flayn expected, Rhea homes in on his last words with deadly precision. “ _What_ can’t she take from me as well, brother? What is it she could possibly have left that she shouldn’t be having?”

Feeling caught Seteth tries to downplay it and backpedal, but his reasoning is weak and flimsy.

Flayn finally decides she’s had enough as she watches the pair of siblings argue and getting nowhere. Her aunt deserves to know and her father is being stubborn, unreasonable and an oaf for completely missing the true nature of Rhea’s turmoil and feelings. And lastly, she herself is also getting impatiently curious.

“Tell her, father,” she starts in a serious and stern tone. “She deserves to know, and you might miss the context here, but I think it might even help her in the end,” she insists solemnly. She doesn’t miss how her aunt glances at her in surprise.

“Context?” Her father sputters, “You’re the one lacking context here, Flayn” he argues.

Flayn sighs impatiently. “Trust me father, you have to tell her. I am confident in my reasoning, even though I cannot explain them to you right now,” she demands gently.

At that he softens a bit, as he knows he can trusts his daughter and her motives.

Rhea looks stressed yet unyielding in her persistence, with even some kind of tentative hope. When her father meets Flayn’s eyes with uncertainty all he finds is reassurance. She nods slightly and smiles encouragingly, feeling relieved when he gives her a small careful smile in return.

In the end they all trust each other deeply, even if they have to keep a close look on one another.

He crosses his arms and his movements are stiff. “It’s about her Crest.”

Both women look at him curiously, silently urging him to continue. “As you know an imperial princess has full control over whom she would and wouldn’t show or tell which Crest she bears. And of course after she became Emperor she had every reason to conceal it as best as she could. We never managed to pry into it deeply enough to find out, but it is clear she has a powerful one, yet also very versatile somehow. It’s at least a Major Crest.”

This didn’t come as a surprise for Flayn, it was common among students at Garreg Mach and other Crest bearers -especially nobles- to keep the nature of the Crest they bore concealed, even when freely using the powers they provided. It wasn’t all that hard and it was a sure way to protect oneself against abuse, discrimination, kidnapping, people only showing interest in your because of your Crest and unwanted suitors hoping you’d sire them Crest-bearing children. No students on Garreg Mach knew which Crest Flayn bore either, courtesy of the rather obvious link to Saint Cethleann.

No, only if you were to be forcibly dragged into Professor Hanneman’s unnerving Crest contraption and willingly activated your Crest while in its presence, it was almost impossible for others to identify which Crest you had. People usually only confided in very close friends or people they were planning on having children with about the nature of their Crest. There were rumors of… unconsenting ways of revealing one’s Crest to others, but everyone agreed that even researching into those methods was to be gravely forbidden, as every indication as to the nature of revealing a Crest that way seemed like nothing sort of torture. Not to mention the identity of one’s Crest was deeply personal.

So unsurprisingly, Edelgard had never told anyone who could have leaked the knowledge and her Crest’s identity had never made it into the public.

“What about her Crest, Seteth?” Rhea asks sharply, sounding tense and impatient.

“I…. uhm, Rhea I don’t know how to tell you this…” he mutters uncomfortably.

“The most direct way possible, please brother,” Rhea presses him urgently, yet not wholly unkind.

“Hm, you are aware the Church has been salvaging and clearing the debris in the castle of Enbarr ever since we captured Edelgard, right?” he ask carefully.

Rhea nods and gestures for him to go on.

Seteth fidgets with the edge of his sleeve. “Well, all throughout the castle there was a lot of magical residue remaining within the debris, failed spells that stuck, broken curses still emanating magic, that sort of thing,” he continues, getting clearly uncomfortable.

Both Rhea and Flayn stare at him with quiet persistence, silently forcing him to continue as their patience wavers.

“It was the worst in the throne room, if I were to believe the reports. It makes sense because a lot of the fighting took place there, especially among Crest bearers… But the biggest cause was the magical residue tainting the room left by… by the Hegemon demon form she used.” He swallows hard and falls silent.

“Was there a Crest related curse still inside the remains?” Flayn asks carefully, sensing the rising tension in the room as neither she nor Rhea get why he’s getting so visibly nervous.

“No…no, nothing like that,” Seteth says, shaking his head. “Instead there was a clear signature of a Crest woven into the remains of the Hegemon’s dark magic residing in the throne room.”

He pauses again, looking for either the correct words or the courage to continue.

“It took our sorcerers a while to analyze it, as it was deeply contaminated with dark magic, but they have identified the sigil.”

He takes a deep sigh.

“Rhea… it belongs to the Crest of Flames,” he breathes out tensely.

Flayn gasps and instantly glances at Rhea. Her look is blank and her eyes are glazed over, as if she hasn’t heard Seteth’s words at all. After a long moment she tentatively opens her mouth slightly only to snap it shut again.

Barely noticeably she shakes her head.

“The Crest of Flames has been extinct for centuries, Seteth,” she states plainly. “You know this,” she adds numbly, in a way that leaves no room for arguing.

“I’m well aware, sister,” he responds reluctance and clear discomfort. “But we have done every possible test and considered every other possibly option but it all leads to a single conclusion: in order for Edelgard to transform into the Hegemon demon and use its powers, she has to be bearing the Crest of Flames.”

All three of them are silent for a long tense moment. It can’t be, it doesn’t make sense.

“She has to be, otherwise we would have never found its sigil so deeply interwoven with the magical residue, it was everywhere, radiating from the remains of Hegemon demon. It’s clearly the source of origin,” Seteth adds with considerable strain in his voice, trying to somehow proof his otherwise impossible statement.

“Well you are mistaken,” Rhea snaps hoarsely. “It’s not possible.”

“It shouldn’t be Rhea, I know. But there is no other explanation. Somehow, somewhere Edelgard came to bear the Crest of Flames,” he insists quietly but clearly emotional.

“You’re _wrong,_ ” Rhea lashes out at him with anguish. “It’s impossible.”

She lets go of Flayn’s hand and balls her own into tense fists she hovers in front of her chest, as if trying to help her to physically express the stress she’s starting to succumb to.

“No one can bear that Crest,” she rasps as her voice wavers. She rigidly bows her head down towards the table as tears begin to well up in her eyes once more. “ _No one_ can have _our Mother’s_ Crest, Seteth. It’s extinct, gone along with our Mother!” She cries, struggling not to choke on her words.

“She was adamant to her very end that no one should bear her Crest. It was hers and hers _alone_!” Her voice is so raw and guttural it sends uncomfortable shivers down Flayn’s spine.

Rhea is shivering and her chest is heaving in stress and her breathing is labored as she cries.

Flayn never quite understood how deep Rhea’s feelings of loss for her Mother ran, she’s too young to remember her Grandmother clearly herself, but her father would sometimes hint at it before forcefully steering clear of the subject. Supposedly it wasn’t healthy for Rhea. Over the centuries it had turned into a deep obsession, bordering on feverish madness caused by the cruel and sudden murder of her Mother. Flayn’s father had always openly condoned Rhea’s behavior and as a result Rhea would always skillfully dart around the topic. Only rarely she’d vaguely hint at the depth of her twisted feelings and always behind pleasant smiles. She’d always airily and nonchalantly dismiss the subject altogether when pressed, leaving those who dared ask with a befuddled sense of confusion as they got no grasp on the Archbishop. She’d always leave you somehow feeling uncomfortable for even daring to think the death of her Mother affected her at all.

Flayn thinks that for the first time now she sees a glimpse of the dark depths to which Rhea’s feelings for her Mother run.

She’s crumbling under the weight of not only having her Mother murdered in front of her but also having to carry on the legacy of the Goddess that raised her to serve humanity.

And Rhea feels unworthy of that responsibility.

Her aunt looks so young all of a sudden. She’s sitting hunched over the table, crying uncontrollably as she struggles for air, trembling and barely capable of keeping steady. She’s no Saint, no Archbishop, and no Child of the Goddess but just a child deeply traumatized by the loss of her Mother and the burden of not being allowed to move on.

Flayn feels uncomfortable at the thought of how much grief, pain and suffering Rhea has had to hide over the centuries. Just how much did she struggle to hide her feelings from Flayn? Guilt washes over her at the thought.

Flayn wonders if her aunt ever really mourned her Mother’s death or if she even accepted the fact at all. She remembers her own mother, and while the memories of her are sometimes painful she also looks back on them fondly. She…well it’s not like she no longer cares, but she mourned. Her mother is part of Flayn’s past and Flayn lives in the present.

It’s not as if the topic of Rhea’s Mother is something rarely mentioned.

The Goddess is _everywhere,_ and so her aunt is ceaselessly and relentlessly reminded of her trauma, leaving her unable to mourn or move on.

Not only that, Rhea is convinced the Goddess will return one day. With horror Flayn realizes how damaging that belief within her aunt must be for her. Of course she’s not able to mourn, because that would come with a sense of finality Rhea can’t accept.

Flayn moves to rest a hand on her aunt’s shoulder to comfort her but the instant her fingers make contact with the fabric of her robe Rhea startles so badly she instinctively swats Flayn’s hand away. Flayn gets a look so feral it makes her step backwards, unsure if her aunt even recognized her but unwilling to risk getting attacked.

“ _Rhea_!” Seteth hisses, agitated by his sister’s violent reaction to his child.

“You’re _lying,_ ” Rhea all but growls at him as his voice draws her attention, completely ignoring everything else.

“ _Why_ would I lie about this, sister,” he retorts angrily.

“Because… because I don’t _know,_ you just are!” Rhea insists feverishly.

“Well I am _not,_ curse you and your lack of faith in me, Rhea,” Seteth snaps angrily, losing himself to the tension of the situation. “In fact, I’m sure she has the damn proof etched right there into her skin,” he scoffs impulsively.

And then immediately regrets his words as Rhea stills, her eyes widening as his words settle in. Abruptly she stands up and rigidly yet urgently walks towards the door without saying another word.

“Rhea, _where_ are you going? Rhea, sit _down,_ ” Seteth yells after her, alarmed.

Flayn knows very well where she is going, and by the look on his face, so does her father. Both also know very well if they want to stop her they’ll have to physically restrain her, which is something neither is willing to do. Her aunt is nothing but impulsively stubborn if she wants to.

As she reaches the door Rhea pauses momentarily and turns her head. “I’m going to see your proof for myself,” she says with an unnerving calmness which grossly contradicts her earlier outbursts.

“No, please, you have to stay away. It’s not good for you,” Seteth almost pleads, desperation evident in his tone.

Rhea smiles at him, but’s forced and painful. “I’ll be fine, dear brother. I always am, don’t I?” she says in a strangely accusing way. It’s also a hint to just how much of her memory has already returned to her, as if the shocking revelation untangled her thoughts sufficiently enough for her to know what she wants to do.

Her smile drops as she turns to open the door.

“Now, do _not_ follow me, family. I implore you.”

And with that she roughly slams the door into the frame behind her.

Flayn and her father stay behind in silence as the sound of Rhea’s footsteps echo into nothingness. Neither of them say anything for a long time, both too tense and conflicted to do so.

Eventually Seteth shifts and moves closer to his daughter.

“We should… we should stop her, don’t you agree?” he asks her softly, sounding uncertain. “Or at the very least go with her, who knows what Edelgard will do to her this time…” he pauses and a look of disturbance crosses his features. “Or what Rhea will do to Edelgard,” he adds in a strained whisper.

Flayn shakes her head. “I don’t think we should interfere father,” she says after some consideration. “I think our presence will only make things worse, it will just put more strain between them. Aunt Rhea needs to work this out herself. The depth of both their feelings on this runs deeper in them than it runs in us after all,” she says carefully. “That is, if Edelgard really has the Crest of Flames.”

“She does,” Seteth sighs in resignation, displeased at the fact. “There is no doubt about that.”

Flayn moves to hug her father and quietly prays her aunt will be able to sort out her feelings before it’s too late.

Rhea might as well have been blind for she doesn’t register a single thing around her as she moves through endless halls, slowly but surely making her way lower and lower into the depths of Garreg Mach. Luckily her feet know where to take her. With each step a sliver of clarity returns to her, weaving her scattered memories back together piece by piece.

The Archbishop feels herself torn by the guilt of leaving Edelgard and the anxiety at the thought the girl truly bears her Mother’s Crest, until both feelings cause her nothing but anger and frustration. It locks Rhea firmly in the present again, her thoughts aligning in a logical pattern once more.

She slams the door to Edelgard’s cell open with so much force it somehow startles herself more than Edelgard. The sound abruptly awakens Rhea from her numb daze simultaneously with Edelgard waking from her sleep. Panicking at the sound, Edelgard instinctively scrambles into the corner of her bed, dragging the blanket along with her as she forces herself flush against the wall in an attempt to shield herself from danger.

Frightened eyes dart around until they meet Rhea’s own equally wide ones.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Edelgard rasps faintly as she recognizes Rhea.

Rhea wishes she knew. For a long moment she stares at Edelgard’s trembling form as she takes in her current state.

There are dark circles under her eyes and she seems paler than before, her whole face seems to be thinner somehow. All in all she’s in more of a fragile state than the last time Rhea saw her. With a pang of guilt she realizes this is completely the result of her own actions.

“Have you been eating?” she harshly questions the other woman, as if that’s somehow still even the slightest bit of relevant in the long term.

“What?” Edelgard asks in confusion, clearly not understanding why Rhea would come all this way just to ask her such a thing. Rhea finds herself understanding, as that was nowhere near her reason for seeing her.

Yet somehow it’s important now.

“Have you?” she insists urgently.

Edelgard’s eyes narrow as some resemblance of her rebelling nature returns to her.

“No, I haven’t” she responds bluntly, looking at Rhea with defiance.

“Why not?” Rhea asks with barely controlled agitation in her voice, too tense to deal with a defiant Edelgard.

“I hoped I would perish sooner,” Edelgard says flatly, continuing to meet Rhea’s gaze. “I thought I might deny you the satisfaction of ending me yourself,” she adds with fierce rebellion.

It’s a painful contrast to the last time Edelgard spoke about her execution and the anguish of it is enough to pull Rhea from her stupor. She has really betrayed Edelgard very deeply, hasn’t she?

The pain of her realization weakens her resolve and emotional control even more, denying her the ability to be considerate to Edelgard.

Her exhaustion, stress and anguish agitate her to a point she can barely even think any longer.

“Show me your Crest,” she demands, trying to ignore the guilt she feels.

Edelgard turns to look frightened when Rhea’s words register and she visibly struggles to hide her apprehension. “What? N-no, I won’t.”

“Do it, it’s not a question.”

Her prisoner bites her lip, unable to conceal her growing fear.

“I’m _not_ going to undress for you, Rhea,” she says, trying to substitute her anxiety with anger. “That’s beyond cruel, even for you.”

The implications mortifies Rhea. “I… No, I don’t want you to, just summon it, I’ll see the light through your clothes just fine,” she says defensively in an attempt to make her order sound less… uncomfortable. With another wave of guilt she realizes such a demand would even more painful for Edelgard, who spend a lifetime hiding her scars from the world.

“…I can’t.”

“ _Why_ not, girl” she hisses tensely, fiercely wising Edelgard would stop rebelling and just comply for _once._

The white haired woman raises her eyebrows at her judgmentally. “Did you somehow forget about the endless string of spells dampening the magic in this room?” she wonders accusingly without much room for understanding “….you _can_ feel them, don’t you? Or are you somehow not affected by those either?” Edelgard asks with growing suspicion.

With half a conscious thought and some cognitive effort Rhea does feel the tug of magic at the back of her mind, confirming Edelgard’s statement. She doesn’t have the energy to explain that that sort of magic indeed hardly affects her as it slips off her powers like water of her skin.

Her hand barely twitches as she easily undoes some of the spells with an almost casual shrug, it’s hardly enough to let Edelgard conjure anything remotely meaningful but it should allow her to at least summon her sigil if she tries.

Visibly taken aback the girl eyes her curiously. “Why?” she whispers, not understanding Rhea’s actions or mood at all.

“Just summon it, please,” Rhea urges her on with a new kind of exhaustion, quickly running out of options to make Edelgard listen without resorting to methods she refuses to even consider.

She just really, _really_ wants to see her Mother’s crest once again, yet finds herself half hoping her brother was wrong with his disturbing theory. She has no idea what do even feel if it turns out to be true.

Edelgard looks at her warily and hesitates just long enough for Rhea to nearly snap at her again. Her words die in her throat as Edelgard visibly resigns herself to Rhea’s strange and very rude demand, as it breaches so many social conventions she can’t even begin to name all of them.

The former Emperor rigidly gets up from the corner of her bed, coming to a halt a few paces in front of Rhea. With a last look of discomfort she closes her eyes and calls forth what little magic she has just regained access to.

The instant orange glow shining through the fabric in the middle of Edelgard’s chest should have brought Rhea either the comfort or despair she was looking for, yet instead she feels nothing when she sees it whatsoever.

In fact, she hardly registers the nostalgic and familiar pattern of her Mother’s Crest radiating from Edelgard at all, even though she has been yearning to see it again for centuries.

Instead she’s completely distracted and entranced by the smaller green glow just underneath Edelgard’s left breast. She gasps for air as her eyes take in the distinct shape of the light.

It’s… it’s her own Crest.

Somehow Edelgard has two Crests.

Somehow she bears the Crest of Seiros.

Rhea can’t wrap her mind around the idea, numbly gazing at the light in the vague hope the answer will somehow come to her on its own instead. It’s more likely she’ll faint and drop to the ground, instead.

The gently green glow is mesmerizing, drowning out all her thoughts and making her blood sing in her veins. No, not just the blood in her own veins, that in Edelgard's veins as well. For it's _her_ blood that runs through her. She swears she can feel it move underneath Edelgard's skin.

Edelgard has her Crest, her magic, her _blood._ Edelgard is hers.

Dimly she becomes aware of Edelgard’s eyes piercing a hole in her skull, as the girl realizes something is off about Rhea’s reaction as well.

“You… you have two Crests,” she utters, stating the obvious with so much strain in her voice it might just cut out altogether.

“…Yes,” Edelgard mutters bemused. “I thought you would have known about them by now,” she adds weakly, seemingly very out of her depth at Rhea’s reaction. Tension bleeds into her posture. “At least about my true one.”

“How did you get Seiros’s Crest,” Rhea demands abruptly, ignoring the strangeness of completely ignoring the Crest of Flames instead. She's rapidly losing control over her cognitive functions and her mind is bordering on delirious now. 

“I… I was born with it?” the girl responds in confusion. “You really didn’t know? It’s the Crest of Flames they put inside me, you know,” she says with increasing accusation and bewilderment, obviously hurt by Rhea’s lack of knowledge about her once more.

“What, how?” The Archbishop demands, promptly offending Edelgard even more.

“It’s what my brothers and sisters died for!” Her prisoner suddenly snaps at her. “ _How_ could you not know this?” She balls her fists and glares at Rhea with such hurt and anger Rhea feels nailed to the ground, unable to speak. “….Why don’t you know anything? I was _rebelling_ against you for this very reason! Why don’t you know? Didn’t you care for my motives at all?” Edelgard cries out in rage, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

Rhea realizes with increasing panic and guilt she has no answers for Edelgard. Why didn’t she know? She _should_ have known. She should have at least have considered the very real possibility that the Crest Edelgard bore was her own. The former Emperor is a direct descendant of the person she personally gave it to, for Heaven’s sake. It has always been the predominant Crest in the Hresvelg bloodline. Even long after they had stopped publicly announcing the identity of their Crests she had known exactly which of them had carried it. 

Why did she stop caring? Or when?

With a dull pain she remembers the ache in her heart each time she had talked with one of Edelgard’s ancestors, knowing her blood ran through their veins even though they had no idea who she really was anymore. She had loved them all, yet they had no idea who she was and they all kept the polite emotional distance from her that was expected between a noble and the Archbishop. Yes, she had purposely stopped tracking them only a few generations after she had shaken her true name and started going by other ones. The distinct feeling of heartache as they looked at her without recognition, familiarity or warmth in their eyes had been too much to bear. It had made her feel deeply lonely and isolated, unable to reach out to them any longer.

Edelgard stops looking at her, staring at the ground instead. “At least say something, act like you tried for once,” she asks numbly. “Or leave again, I don’t care either way,” she adds weakly.

The girl relaxes faintly as she stops pouring magic into summoning her Crests any longer, convinced Rhea has lost what little interest she had to begin with.

Rhea can’t bear the thought of seeing her Crest fade again. “No, _don’t.”_

She crosses the distance between them without thinking. Startled by Rhea closing in on her Edelgard freezes, the glow of both her Crests flickering as she instinctively resumes pouring magic into maintaining them.

Without considering Edelgard’s possible fear at her sudden action Rhea presses her hand against the other woman’s skin right where her own Crest is glowing.

Instantly she feels the overwhelming and familiar warmth of her own magic resonating within Edelgard. Her own blood is calling out to her from inside the Emperor, reaching deeply within Rhea as a connection between the two of them establishes. Their shared Crest resonate with each other on the same frequency and so both of their magic –their blood- mingles, forming a strong bond that binds them and their feelings together.

With a start she realizes she can feel Edelgard's heartbeat, not just where her hand is touching her but _everywhere_ inside Edelgard. She can somehow feel Edelgard's entire shape as her own blood flows through her along the rhythmic beating of her heart. It's tantalizing and it almost makes her want to tear open Edelgard just to get closer. 

Edelgard’s reaction makes it evident she feels their connection, too. She audibly gasps for air as her eyes flutter shut. The girl has just enough strength left to raise her own hand to rest it on top Rhea’s own before she weakly stumbles forward.

It's likely he sensation is much more strong for Edelgard as there is infinitely more magic in Rhea’ blood calling out to what little of it dwells within Edelgard. With worry Rhea wonders if her powerful and undiluted magic isn’t harmful to Edelgard in this raw state.

“What are you doing?” Edelgard mumbles in a confused daze, almost collapsing as she falls forward into Rhea’s chest, who instinctively wraps her other arm tightly around the girls’ waist. She presses her close against herself, only barely in control as the tendrils of magic in Edelgard call out to her with such force it’s like going against the ocean’s current if she were to oppose the need to hold her close.

Edelgard whimpers against her chest. "Rhea, why do I feel so...good?"

“Because you’re mine,” she murmurs into Edelgard’s hair, growing increasingly addicted to the pleasant warmth and heat where their bodies touch. It makes thinking hard, let alone controlling what she's saying.

“Y-yours?” Edelgard responds bewildered, hardly able to make sense of the new overwhelming feelings herself.

“Yes,” Rhea insists, vaguely aware she shouldn’t be saying this. It’s a strange thing to say. “Mine,” she repeats reassuringly. She fiercely wishes she could tell the whole truth, knowing the lack of context must make her words sound uncomfortable to Edelgard.

“…Oh.”

She feels a tentative arm wrap around her back, fingers twisting themselves into the fabric of her clothes. Edelgard’s other hand tightens over Rhea’s own and presses it hard against herself, moaning softly at the surge of warmth that comes with it.

“Rhea, what’s going on? What’s happening?” She asks weakly.

“Shh, don’t ask me, please.” Truthfully, Rhea hardly understands herself. She’s touched people bearing her Crest before –handshakes, hugs- but never felt more than a twinge of warm familiarity at the contact. Then again she never cared for any of them the way she cares for Edelgard. And she’s doesn’t think she ever touched one of them while they were actively summoning their Crest either.

Edelgard doesn’t give in easily. “I want to know.”

“I can’t answer your questions.” Even though she wants to, so _badly._

“But I don’t understand…” Edelgard mutters persistently. "You're making me feel _so_ good but it doesn't make any sense, I feel helpless."

“Ask me one more time and I will stop and leave,” Rhea says roughly, fearing that if Edelgard keeps pressing her for answers she will cave in and spill the truth while she’s in this emotionally weakened state.

“No, don’t,” the other woman hurriedly gasps into her clothes. “Please, I won’t ask any more. Just don’t stop touching me…Please don’t leave.” Her voice turns so fragile Rhea’s heart nearly breaks.

For a single painful moment Edelgard’s words make Rhea realize just how deeply she has hurt her by staying away so long. She broke a promise to someone who had so openly shown her most vulnerable sides to her. Edelgard had _trusted_ her, she had told Rhea so herself, and in turn Rhea had betrayed her trust in the most painful way, by making it seem like she didn’t care.

It’s Edelgard herself who prevents Rhea from succumbing to the guilt, as all of a sudden she moves her head back and glances at Rhea intently. When she can see that Rhea is clearly being affected by their touch as well she leans in to kiss her without hesitation. It’s desperate and needy, as if she’s begging Rhea not to abandon her again.

Rhea returns the kiss without a second thought and with equal passion, yet when Edelgard breaks it moments later she still looks uncertain.

She buries her face in the crook of Rhea’s neck. “Please don’t stop,” she murmurs again into Rhea’s skin. “I don’t understand, but I’ll break if you stop, I just know it,” she almost whimpers. “…So don’t.”

Rhea thinks she understands what Edelgard means by breaking. The feeling of this strange connection is certainly addicting and the idea of it suddenly being gone is frightening. It would certainly be accompanied by a sudden and severe emotional pain that would feel like something inside you snaps. It’s already overwhelming for Rhea, so it must be even more intense for Edelgard, who is being overpowered by the full effects of the undiluted magic in Rhea’s blood.

"I won't, my dear. I'll keep you safe." She caresses her Crest on Edelgard's body softly, and both of them gasp at the new wave of magic, of pleasure running through them. 

Tentatively Edelgard moves her head back to look the Archbishop in the eyes. Her expression is hazy, with lidded eyes and a blush on her features. "I feel so good, Rhea," she repeats, either incapable or unwilling to resist any longer. Instead she welcomes the feelings, willfully submits to it as it floods her senses. It’s not hard for Rhea to discern the telltale signs of lust among everything else Edelgard is feeling.

In a moment of clarity Rhea realizes that she too feels desire beginning to rush through her veins. It’s not that strange of a leap to make, she muses. This more transcendent kind of pleasure could be wholly separate from physical pleasure in the way that hugging a friend is pleasant but completely different from hugging a lover. Yet her own blood running through Edelgard is reaching out to not only her but also to the feelings of love she has for Edelgard, and those do come with a desire for the physical.

The thought makes her head reel and it’s not hard to imagine the pleasure this could bring the both of them. The two sensations would mix so well…

However she knows very well she’s not in the most stable of states, and these strange sensations only add to clouding her already irrational mind, but if she’s certain if she acts on impulse now she’ll just hurt Edelgard even more. With great effort she manages to restrain herself as her body is now all but screaming to deepen the connection between them, and it’s doing so by insisting she drains every drop of physical pleasure she can get from Edelgard in every possible way.

Instead she removes her hand from the back of Edelgard’s waist and gracefully steps behind her, twirling her arm along with her movements so her hand never once breaks contact from the glow of her Crest on Edelgard’s body.

She presses her front flush against the other woman’s back, wrapping her free arm around Edelgard again. “Come,” she whispers. Edelgard has barely nodded in agreement before Rhea half drags her backwards until she feels the edge of the bed behind her. She somehow manages not to make the both of them fall back onto it and instead somewhat gently helps Edelgard sit down on it along with her.

Rhea shifts on the bed until she’s leaning back against the wall and pulls Edelgard towards her until the girl is sitting in between her legs, with her back pressed against Rhea’s chest and her head coming to rest just underneath Rhea’s chin. As a result of the amount of body contact she feels a constant pleasant warmth run through her body. Edelgard’s body eases against her own as she relaxes into the touch, a soft sigh escaping her lips. The girl’s hands come to rest on her stomach, fingers curled into loose fists, and Rhea brings her own free hand to rest atop one of them.

They stay like this for a long time, completely still aside from Rhea’s fingers gently stroking the area on Edelgard’s clothes where her own Crest is etched into her skin underneath. The slight variations in her touches ensure the feeling never dulls and both of them hazily and quietly enjoy the sensations coursing through their bodies like peaceful waves against a shore.

Rhea can feel the other woman’s breathing against her chest and -like her own- it isn’t frantic at all. Instead it’s slow and deep, almost if she’s asleep.

It’s tranquil, Rhea thinks. And she’s sure she could do this endlessly without any protest. Yet the promise for more lingers in her mind, as the distinct look of lust Edelgard gave her moments prior sets her mind ablaze. Steady and surely it’s starting to nudge her to proceed.

She moves her hand from where it was resting on top of Edelgard’s hand and instead lets it wander her body. It’s still innocent, her fingers crawling along the other woman’s stomach and then her sides in slow and rhythmic patterns. It isn’t until her fingers draw circles on the spot above Edelgard’s hip –the place where she told Edelgard she would pierce her skin with her sword if she could- that the woman’s body tenses, pressing her back into Rhea and curling her toes. A soft gasp escapes her lips and the fingers lying on her stomach flex and close into fists.

It’s all the confirmation Rhea needs to know that the lust she saw in Edelgard’s eyes is definitely also a need for the physical, yet it’s not the kind of confirmation she needs.

She leans her head down and whispers into Edelgard’s ear. “You want me, don’t you?”

The girl shivers at her words and makes a high-pitched noise somewhere in-between embarrassment and a longing need.

For a long moment she doesn’t respond but eventually she overcomes whatever hurdles were causing her silence.

“Mhm,” she mutters softly.

Edelgard made it clearly sound like a plea for more but it’s still not clear enough for Rhea. She needs to be absolutely sure this is what Edelgard truly wants, what _all_ of her wants. She can’t risk it being a result of the overpowering otherworldly and decidedly _not_ erotic pleasure stemming from the magical bond currently between them clouding her mind so much it has taken hold of her instincts.

If Rhea knows anything about Edelgard by now it’s how important it is to her she’s always in control of those instincts.

She can’t risk using Edelgard’s disorientated and heavily influenced state of mind to her advantage. No matter how much Edelgard might enjoy the pleasure in the moment, it might hurt and damage her afterwards in such a way that Rhea wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt.

With a lot of effort she tries to break the the hazy state both of them are in.

She needs Edelgard to fully consider the roots of her desire, if it stems from something aside from what Rhea is doing to her. “Ask me, then.”

Edelgard makes a sound of protest. “ _Rhea,_ ” she nearly whines. “Must I?”

The Archbishop tangles her hand in white hair, gently brushing it with her fingers. “Yes, I need you to be completely positive in your decision. There can be no doubt and no hesitation remaining in you,” she says persistently yet gentle. “Please.”

A frustrated sigh escapes the woman’s lips and for a moment she doesn’t say anything.

“…I want you.”

“Not clear enough.”

Edelgard groans in exasperation. “ _Rhea,_ please.”

When Rhea doesn’t respond, simply continuing brushing her fingers along Edelgard’s Crest and hair respectively, Edelgard sighs deeply once more.

“I want you to touch me,” she says, clearly struggling to say such a thing out loud. Moments after the words escape her lips she shakes her head softly. “No… that’s still too vague isn’t it?”

Rhea hums in agreement, and although most of her is genuinely intent on making sure this is truly what Edelgard wants, a small part of her can’t help feeling amused at embarrassing the girl like this.

“I want you to take me, Rhea,” Edelgard says promptly, her voice strained yet sounding almost nonchalant if it weren’t for the audible sense of urgent need. “All the way.”

Rhea sucks in a breath and both her hands still when the words register in her mind. She didn’t anticipate the jolt of pleasure running though her at hearing Edelgard’s desires so plainly.

Edelgard scoffs, taking the silence as evidence her words still aren’t good enough. “I’m _not_ going to state it anymore concrete, Rhea. I’m already being less than eloquent and poetic about this, anything more specific would be nothing short of _distasteful.”_ She crudely tangles her fingers with Rhea’s ones still in her hair and roughly drags both their hands across her own skin until it reaches her chest, where she presses Rhea’s hand down with unrestrained urgency. “Do it, I’m not going to beg you for it in any other way.”

“I’d like to hear you beg for it, I must confess,” Rhea accidentally slips out, her doubts and fears making way for confidence and enjoyment as Edelgard’s very clear confirmation made her feel at ease.

“ _Rhea!_ I swear, you’re the most twisted, self-righteous and frankly megalomaniac person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting,” Edelgard scoffs indignantly. “I’m tempted to change my mind out of sheer spite to deny you the satisfaction. You don’t deserve me, tyrant.”

Well, Rhea thinks to herself in silent enjoyment, if Edelgard still has full access to the witty and defiant parts of her brain, surely she is sound of mind enough to rationally consider the consequences of the lust she’s feeling.

She smiles, lips touching white hair. “Then I suppose I can’t deny such an order now, can I?” She chuckles and her smile widens when Edelgard growls at the clear amusement in her voice.

“Your wish is my command, your majesty.”

Another frustrated sound comes from Edelgard. “Archbishop, you’re insufferable, you never relent.”

“Yes that is true, but Heavens know you like the challenge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me at the beginning of this story: Hmm let's not damage and traumatize the main leads so much they're left broken and in total disrepair. I want this story to be somewhat healing, despite the bleak nature.  
> Me now: Perfect. Job 100% well done.
> 
> To give a glimpse on how well I planned this story ahead, I wrote down exactly 3 lines when i came up with this idea and one of them was 'The thing with the Crest lewd" where I meant the connection i imagine two carriers of the same crest would share. And instead of just writing that and get on with my life I wrote a full length novel just to justify me writing it. also the other 2 lines are jokes at Rhea's expense, which are still to come.
> 
> Rhea's slightly unrealistic loss of the grasp of time stems 100% from my very realistic habit of completely forgetting what day it is whenever I get a shred of freedom from my responsibilities. 
> 
> I've never felt so much pain for a fictional character as when I imagined Edelgard waiting for Rhea who wasn't coming and i'm so glad I didn't have to write her perspective, it would have devastated me. Also I accidentally hurt myself even more because I completely coincidentally wrote the part about it being the Garland moon only so I could have Rhea ground herself slightly in time by remembering Flayn's birthday, but yesterday my tumblr dash informed me the 22th of June/the garland moon is Edelgard's birthday, meaning her execution is scheduled 3 days before her birthday. God it hurts. Lmao


	9. Where I end and you begin

If either Rhea or Edelgard had been thinking this time would be the same kind of gentle and almost innocent as the last time they touched intimately like this they quickly discover that that was going to be utterly impossible. Rhea _tries_ to be gentle _,_ she really does. But the moment the melodious sound of Edelgard’s mocking protest dies out the sense of need and urgency overcomes them both almost instantly.

It’s almost solely due to the fact Rhea’s hands can’t reach any lower than the swell of Edelgard’s stomach that she doesn’t go straight for her core, wanting so badly to hear her cries of pleasure.

Instead Rhea makes due with kissing her neck and kneading her breast with her hand, the other still firmly against the glowing Crest with fingers now feverishly scratching and prodding into the fabric separating her fingers from skin.

Edelgard for her part isn’t any less frantic. She’s panting heavily as she presses her hips backwards into Rhea and her chest forward to meet her hands in an effort to feel more friction, more or _her_.

Rhea is having none of it however, and instead easily grabs Edelgard’s shoulders and yanks her back to lay flush against Rhea, adamant about having as much of Edelgard’s body pressed as deeply against her own as possible.

“Stay,” she growls against Edelgard’s ear. “Or you’ll leave me no choice to be less gentle about keeping you close to me.”

She knows Edelgard well enough by now to know the former Emperor has three very important reasons to do the exact opposite of what Rhea asked of her.

The monarch in her never took well to being ordered.

The woman in her always had a fierce rebellious streak, especially when it came to _anything_ related to Rhea.

And lastly, _all_ of Edelgard has a strong aversion against anything _gentle._

So naturally the woman doesn’t yield to Rhea’s touch in the slightest.

“Rhea I swear to the Goddess, if you insist at continuing to be this _gentle,_ ” she makes her distaste of the last word evident in her voice, “with me you’ll leave me no choice but to resort to angering you sufficiently to the point where you’ll have to use your cryptic War Saint excuse again.”

Rhea both shudders and smiles at her former enemies words. The girl always knows just how to get to her. “Hmm, I’m not you could handle all of _that_ , dear. You are such a delicate flower, after all." she smirks, set on not giving Edelgard what she wants this easily. This is not a fight she’s planning to win, but she won’t give in without admirable effort either.

In any case, she wants to make it last.

She does however squeezes the other woman’s breast hard and drags her fingers up until they reach her nipple, twisting it with just the faintest addition of nails to her touch.

The action elicits a satisfying gasp from the girl in her arms so she sets to repeat the motion.

“That’s –ah- _not_ enough Rhea,” she pants. “I’m not a doll.”

“My, so demanding. Tell me then, just how badly do you want it?”

“Depends. How badly can you give it to me?”

Rhea shakes her head and makes a dismissive noise. “You naïve little thing,” she starts and pointedly ignores the sounds of protests coming from Edelgard for being addressed in such a belittling way. “I didn’t mean it lightly when I said you cannot handle all of me. I’ve felled entire battlefields with little effort, even lying in my arms as you’re doing now means you’re in grave danger.”

At hearing these words Edelgard snuggles backwards into Rhea with just enough force that Rhea gasps audibly, as she can feel a pleasurable tremble originating from their shared body contact crawl all the way through her body, even her fingertips feel sparks where they touch Edelgard. The mad Emperor might not have anticipated just how good her action would feel for her since almost simultaneously with Rhea’s more controlled sound of pleasure Edelgard moans breathlessly and much more disheveled.

Immediately she flusters and yanks Rhea’s hand from her breast to place both of their hands on Edelgard’s stomach. Deftly she intertwines their fingers and lightly squeeze Rhea’s tangled fingers with hers.

It’s not the first time Rhea saw her do such a thing, in fact there have been quite a few occurrences where Edelgard’s hand would bolt for Rhea’s own. Along with a surge of warm adoration she realizes why the girl has made it a habit. These pleasurable sensations affect Edelgard to such an extent it overloads her senses and so in a way to ground – _control-_ herself Edelgard almost impulsively needs to grasp onto something tangible, something that’s a constant in which Edelgard can trust to keep her senses from flooding to a point it might frighten her.

She squeezes Edelgard’s hand hers in return, in a covert way to comfort her.

“Oh but look at you, such a sound from mere friction against your back,” she says playfully. “Didn’t you realize how sensitive you were? Our combined magic is slowly but surely mingling, blending and fusing until our magic will coalesce into a perfect union.” Saying the secret, powerful and intimate process out loud made Rhea feel slightly delirious and she could feel her heart race pleasantly hard though her veins. Briefly she wonders if Edelgard can feel Rhea’s heartbeat too, but it’s likely their magic hasn’t mingled enough.

“This connection is only going to make you more sensitive as it will gradually get stronger, you won’t last like this,” she tells her, hoping Edelgard will take her seriously.

In order to make her point more clear she adds, “No matter how resilient you think you are, you will crumble under our magic long before you can get the release you crave if you let me be the War Saint that I am.”

To her surprise, Edelgard laughs, the sound full of mirth and passion, before turning her head. “Oh, Archbishop. You’re afraid aren’t you?” She says melodiously as she assesses Rhea’s mental walls with deadly precision once more.

Edelgard’s words pierce through her heart, and the blood that drips out reveal her the reasons why she’s indeed afraid. She’s terrified that during their throes of passion and violence -because she knows those two mingle so well in both of them - she’ll traumatize Edelgard. Rhea finds herself paralyzed with fear at the thought of breaking something deep and fragile in Edelgard - _intelligent and perfect Edelgard-_ that neither of them will be able to heal the crack she’ll leave in her.

Rhea nods weakly.

Edelgard’s eyes widen slightly. “You _are_ afraid of hurting me,” she states and laughs quietly, seemingly pleased with her discovery. Absentmindedly she brushes her fingers over and into Rhea’s green hair, slowly making it more tussled and messy as the decorative pieces come slightly undone.

The feeling sends a quiver through Rhea’s cranium and at Edelgard’s mercy, she leans back a little, her eyes fluttering shut as she enjoys all the ways and places their bodies are touching.

“Afraid of hurting me…” she muses, both to Rhea and herself. She shakes her head lightly and a sly smile spreads over her lips. “No, of _damaging_ me,” she hums mischievously. “Pain to my body you know I can take, but -oh what of my feeble soul? You’re scared you’ll traumatize me, scared that you’ll do something to me so cruel, so overpowering it’ll etch deeper into my body than the scars I carry ever did.”

She tangles her fingers with Rhea’s own against her Crest and in a smooth motion she turns over, leaning on one arm for support as she comes to straddle Rhea’s hips while keeping Rhea's hand in place.

She leans over and presses their foreheads together. “My dearest Archbishop,” she breathes out, a sly smile on her lips. “You’re going to kill me in a matter of days, remember? So then what does anything we do here, between the two of us matter?” She moves back and after a moment of consideration she shakes her head lightly. “Hmm, no that’s not what I meant,” she idly corrects herself. “Rather it’s… well _anything_ you can do to me now, anything short of actually killing me, will make me feel so much more alive and I won’t live long enough to deal with any traumas that might surface later regardless.”

She leans down again, this time kissing Rhea. “My execution frees me from your grasp,” she tells her before she moves to kiss Rhea’s cheek, her jaw and finally her neck. “You can’t hurt me anymore,” she mutters against her skin. “And so I can feel for you whatever I want, you can’t stop me.”

“You’re overestimating yourself again dear,” Rhea murmurs. “If not your spirit then at least your body, my magic is putting enough strain on you as it is.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” Edelgard insists stubbornly.

To prove her claim Rhea almost carelessly reaches out for the magic dwelling in Edelgard with her own and simply drains some of it with a tug of her mind. The other woman immediately winces and gasps as she hunches over. Rhea easily reestablishes their connection and replaces Edelgard’s lost magic with some of her own. Edelgard wastes no time, recovering almost instantly as she shoots Rhea an angry glare.

“See,” Rhea points out. “I could easily kill you, it would hardly take a conscious effort.” She’s perhaps a little high on the idea of such an easy victory, she thinks to herself. “You don’t know how much this connection between us has you in its grasp.”

“You really aren’t one for the symbolic, aren’t you?” Edelgard asks her with an air of superiority. “I thought I was being less than subtle at this point. I’m not asking you to kill me, dear Archbishop. At least not yet. I’m _asking_ you to make me come.”

Rhea stills and doesn’t even have enough mental capability left to think left to curse herself for her inability to ever defeat – or even match- Edelgard when it comes to a battle of words.

Edelgard turns to look very satisfied and victorious at Rhea’s reaction- or rather the lack thereof- but her expression quickly softens once more, for once not that interested in victory over Rhea.

“So please, I _beg_ of you Rhea, be merciless, be cruel…be _you._ Take me and make me feel alive with as much force, passion and carnage as when you are to kill me.”

Rhea still can’t utter a word, too overwhelmed by the connection between them that’s slowly growing stronger- more solid too. There is also a lingering fear, because what will happen if Rhea pushes too far, takes too much from Edelgard?

Not to mention the searing lust coursing through her body. Every cell is singing, she can feel her own blood –hot and heavy- making her feel alive too. It’s rushing through her veins and making her feel so hot from within.

It frightens her, because what if she does lose control? She’s only human- if only in the physical sense of the word. That might just be what makes it all that much harder for Rhea, for Nabateans in their true form don’t experience any kind of lust for various reasons but mainly because they were created without conception and therefore they also had no need for… reproductive organs- and everything _human_ that comes with those. It had been less than easy to adjust to when she first shifted.

She’s so powerful, both physically and magically. This connection between them is making it so hard to tell what she can and can’t do, her magic latching onto the magic in Edelgard’s blood is making her delirious with a need to get closer, to wholly feel that connection. But how much of that can Edelgard take? What if Rhea drains all her magic in a moment of delirious weakness?

And while Edelgard won’t have to live with the consequences of Rhea going too far- and if she lives, still not for very long- Rhea herself most definitely _will_ , and she’s not sure she could live with that guilt.

If Edelgard notices Rhea’s existential dread at struggling to come to terms with her humanity she clearly doesn’t care because she marches on relentlessly.

“Truthfully, if I think about how you’re going to kill me…well that just turns me on so much more,” she says, provoking Rhea by reaching out for her more…’ vindictive’ sides.

“…Edelgard you have to stop,” Rhea utters weakly but it’s no use because she feels her self-restrain rapidly slip and of course the _damn_ woman doesn’t stop.

“The secrecy, the hidden truth, it’s delicious to me.” Edelgard continues with a quiet and free laugh.

“When the masses come to watch me die they won’t know. They’ll see your sword cleave my neck followed by my death forevermore.” Edelgard tells Rhea, with a voice so full of delirious rebellion and desire.

Frantically Rhea tries to think of ways to stop her, to get her of this high.

“And they’ll think that’s all there is.” Edelgard grins. “They won’t know how the holy Archbishop who brings me death secretly made me feel so good and they’ll never be able to take that from me.”

“Edelgard _stop!”_ Rhea exclaims, _pleads._

Edelgard stills and looks into Rhea’s eyes with mild surprise. “You’re truly scared, aren’t you?”

“Yes. Edelgard, _yes._ Why don’t you understand? I’m _terrified_ I’ll kill you.”

“I told you I’m not asking you to kill me, I’m aski-”

“I _know_ what you’re asking me, girl. You on the other hand have no idea what _you’re_ asking.”

“I..I don’t understand.”

“You don’t know how _easy_ it would be, how disgustingly easy it would be for me to kill you right now- no, don’t look offended, you’re not weak. It’s simply that through this connection I could instantly drain all of your magic- all of your life, if I wanted to, or even if I don’t want to.”

She presses her other hand against Edelgard’s cheek. “It wouldn’t be just. You… you know me by now, and you know how much I’d enjoy it. But only on the battlefield or as a consequence of the law. Not like this, I _can’t._ ”

Rhea impulsively presses Edelgard close and even though her hand shifts away from Edelgard’s Crest the connection remains just as Rhea suspected it would. Their magic now resonates so deeply that as long as they’re close enough and both of them willingly accept the other’s magic it will stay. “Please, you have to stop pushing me like this. I know you want me and I know you’d enjoy my rage but if you invoke my wrath and I recklessly kill you I don’t know if I could live with myself.”

She feels Edelgard still in her grasp.

“You might not have to live with the consequences- and I understand full well why you’d enjoy dying at my hands like that, it would both free you and give you the control over your life- and your death- you crave so deeply. But _I_ will have to live with it Edelgard. I’ve only ever killed in the name of justice, never for… for pleasure. Please don’t make me do such a thing Edelgard,” she pleads softly. “I don’t want to violate anyone’s life like that. I cannot let myself succumb to such a thing.”

“I...I’m so sorry,” Edelgard mutters into her shoulder. “I shouldn’t have… I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

Rhea feels relief wash over her as Edelgard finally understands –finally relents- and she can’t help but laugh. “You’re completely and utterly mad, that’s what wrong with you, you twisted girl.”

“What, _no,_ I mean, yes that’s also true but _not_ what I meant Rhea. Rude.” Edelgard scoffs, only slightly joking.

She breaks their embrace and moves back so she can meet Rhea’s eyes once more. It’s as if Edelgard is searching for something. She looks flustered all of a sudden and with a sense of worry Rhea wonders what could _possibly_ fluster the Emperor after everything she has already been saying.

“It’s just… it’s frustrating and stupid but it’s just so much easier to ask you to kill me instead of… well kissing me.”

The confession surprises Rhea and she doesn’t quite understand Edelgard’s reasoning. “You’ve been kissing me all this time, no? And you were also not that subtle about how badly you want more,” she points out.

Edelgard groans in frustration at Rhea’s clear lack of understanding her deeper motives. “You never understand anything,” she mutters. “Telling you how much I want you without… without hiding it in anger and hate and death… it makes me feel so vulnerable it’s unbearable. I could take it if you’d be disgusted and rejected me if I hide myself in those because I could blame it on that, but I can’t bear the thought of you rejecting… me. Not when all I truly want is _you._ So if you’d reject me… you’d reject _all_ of me," she admits fragilely

Rhea feels her heart flutter and can’t do anything to stop the adoration she feels rise in her at the idea that Edelgard simply wants _her._ “You’ve been making everything so complicated for yourself.”

Edelgard laughs wryly. “Yes, I’ve been told I’m quite good at that." She stills and hesitates for a moment before continuing. “I think my confinement in here and the prospect looming on my horizon is affecting me on a much more deeper level than I can comprehend,” she murmurs.

Her face flushes in an odd mix of longing and guilt, seemingly aware of it she lets herself fall over into Rhea and buries her head in the crook of her neck. “I’ve lost all control over my fate and the only certainty I have left is that I’m going to die by your hands.” She shifts her upper body slightly to face Rhea and reaches out to grasp her hand with her own. “But now instead you’re being so gentle and caring. The way your hands caress my body, the ways you’ve already touched me, it’s intoxicating,” she says, her voice breathless as she puts Rhea’s hand against her cheek before slowly dragging it across her skin until Rhea feels lips touch the palm of her hand.

Pleasant shivers sear through her when Edelgard’s lips move against her skin. “You already know how I long for my own destruction -my own death- whenever I feel weak.” The girl murmurs against her hand, which she presses slightly harder against her face as she does so.

Rhea feels Edelgard shudder through their touch and when she meets the woman’s eyes it’s as if they’re telling her the girl has willingly surrendered herself to Rhea, and she too can’t help but feel pleasant sensations course through her body because of Edelgard’s words demeanor.

Edelgard regains some focus in her eyes and glances intensely at Rhea.

“And Rhea, you make me feel so _very_ weak.”

She gently lowers Rhea’s hand from her lips and Rhea already misses the contact. But Edelgard meets her eyes with her own so full of life, desire, helplessness and need for comfort, and it’s evident to Rhea she needs to get something of her chest.

Before she speaks Edelgard grabs Rhea’s hands with both of hers and firmly holds it between her own, her thumbs drawing pleasant circles on Rhea’s skin. The contact between their skins helps her steel herself and she finds the strength to speak.

Her voice is soft, yet it possesses a quiet strength. “You might be able to conceal the origin of your magic from me but you can’t conceal the nature and strength of it. I can feel it dwell in you, you know- and it’s so overpowering. The power of my Crest is but a candle in the wind compared to the inferno you possess.”

She begins to move her hands and fingers around Rhea’s hand, starting to gently caresses and stroking it, alternating between softly dragging her fingers through Rhea’s own.

Rhea finds herself gasping softly at the different ways Edelgard toys with her hand and fingers. It leaves her feel very meek, the simple touches are enough to rob her of her speech and it might have robbed her of her ability to focus on Edelgard’s words if they weren’t so important to the both of them.

With some effort she refocuses, meets Edelgard’s eyes and nods, encouraging her to continue.

Edelgard gives her a small smile, continuing to endlessly intertwine their fingers in an attempt to ground her weakening resolve in physical sensations.

“Your overpowering magic- this connection between us- is only fueling my desire to be weak for you. It’s calling out to me, urging me to weaken myself and let myself be flooded by your power.”

“And Rhea,” she says pliantly, as she willingly lets her resistance crumble. “All I want is to submerge myself in your magic, submerge myself in _you_. This resonance feels like the ocean’s ebb and flow. I might be drowning in the high tide right now but when the water recedes I can’t bear –can’t even comprehend- the thought of you leaving me alone again.” Fright and terror flicker across Edelgard’s eyes at the mere prospect.

She’s now covering Rhea’s hand with her own on both sides as she clasps her fingers around her, sliding and brushing her fingers over her hand and through her fingers. It calms her – calms the both of them- and soon the anxiety in Edelgard’s eyes has completely dissipated.

She smiles almost sadly at Rhea, yet her eyes shine.

“Instead I want you to take my magic- all of me- along with you. It’s as if I need you to reach within the depths of my body and tear out my soul from where it’s etched itself so deeply into my core. I need you to take it along with you as you retreat. This bond makes me want to forever lose all sense of self and disappear within you.”

Rhea opens her mouth to speak, to protest, to tell Edelgard her desire is unrealistic, dangerous even. But the mist in her mind is thick and they made it hard to protest. It’s her own magic influencing the both of them, urging them to draw closer, telling them be one as their magic thinks they should be.

“E-Edelgard, I…” She starts but her clouded mind won’t let her say what she really should be saying.

The other woman, on the other hand is speaking freely as she bears her soul and lets herself be weak.

“Rhea, it’s not death I am seeking from you,” she says softly, almost timidly. "But… but there are no words in this language to describe this _need_ I feel.” She sighs, frustrated at her lack of vocabulary. “Only death comes close, only death has the sense of finality, of transcendence that I crave from you and so I can’t help but longing to beg you to kill me.” Her face flusters slightly but her eyes tell Rhea she feels no shame in how vulnerable she’s feeling.

“And I’m sorry… for burdening you with my inability to comprehend what I feel- what I need,” she tells Rhea genuinely.

Gently Edelgard lays their entwined hands in her lap, reducing her reverent touches to soft strokes with her thumb. Too weakened and drained she gently lets her body fall against Rhea’s. Slightly bumping against her chest with her own as she lets her head rest in the crook of Rhea’s neck, hiding her face in green hair. Rhea feels oddly tender toward her when she does so, the feeling only increases when she hears a content sigh coming from the other woman as she lets her body relax against Rhea.

It makes sense Rhea thinks -with what little capacity for coherent thought she has left- that there are no words in their language for what Edelgard feels because there is no record of anything like this ever occurring in human history. So why create a word for a concept that one cannot possibly conceive or comprehend?

She quietly curses her fellow Nabateans for their deep and instinctive need for secrecy and mystery because she _knows_ that some of them had deeply loved the humans whom they had given their blood to and she’s damn sure this is not the first time something like this happened, even if there is no written evidence of it.

Although it’s been a thousand years and so her blood in Edelgard has been mingled with other strains of genes for at least forty generations. The Crests of people in those first generations had been much less diluted and therefore more potent and it’s likely they would have been able to ground themselves in reality with ease as they didn’t have this vast power imbalance the two of them have.

A sense of guilt washes over her for inadvertently subjugating Edelgard to her like this and she realizes she has no idea how to handle Edelgard’s delicate state with the delicacy and respect it deserves. She can’t just break the bond, it’s so strong now that snapping it will deeply hurt and damage them both, it could possibly outright kill Edelgard from the mental agony she’ll experience.

She’s is now certain this connection is wholly different for Edelgard because for herself it feels wonderful. It’s overwhelming yet also invigorating and empowering. For Edelgard instead, it’s so powerful and unrelenting that only way she can comprehend it is by desperately seeking a way to subject herself –her soul- to Rhea, as her magic is compelling her to do so.

Edelgard is still slumped against Rhea’s chest, every muscle relaxed. Rhea can just make out the features of her face as she’s huddled into her shoulder. Her eyes are closed and she might have been sleeping if it wasn’t for her heavy heartbeat and the small smile on her lips.

Rhea rests her hand against the white fabric covering Edelgard’s lower back. The girl stirs ever so little and her breathing regains some resemblance of regular breathing.

With a start Rhea realizes that such as simply physical touch was enough to bring Edelgard back, if only slightly.

It gives Rhea an idea how to gently help Edelgard though this. She tests her new hypothesis by dragging her fingers and hand across Edelgard’s spine up and down again, in a gentle rhythm.

Some of the uncontrolled feelings, desires, fears, seem to dissipate ever so slightly in Edelgard as she seems to slowly come back to her senses and Rhea thinks she sees a hint of the strong and fierce Edelgard trying to regain control over the magic coursing through her.

The solution hits her with a start and she almost wants to laugh at how utterly stupid they are for getting themselves into this, and for completely forgetting _why_ they got into this in the first place.

The deep bond caused by their mutual Crests and blood is something primordial – something ancient and transcendent which doesn’t exist in physical form. It’s wild, overwhelming and uncontrollable. Humans -even Nabateans- with or without Crest can only use some diluted echo of the powers, for anything more direct would instantly consume them.

And yet now Edelgard’s body is being flooded with such a transcendent force that it makes her feel as if it will take her over and her brain can only align it to its understanding of dying, for it doesn’t know the concept.

But no matter how strong this kind of magic is, it has no physical presence. It can never latch onto anything or anyone, it can sear through someone and deeply influence their emotions but it can never leave a _touch._ The Crests are but a tool to channel a sliver of magic forward but even then it’s never physical.

It has always been humanities firm physical presence in the world that guarded them from losing themselves to the oceans of magic.

And now Edelgard’s physical form will have to overpower the magic that she’s threatening to succumb to.

Rhea hopes Edelgard will understand.

She places a kiss on Edelgard’s forehead and murmurs, “I know what you need… please let me help you ground you.”

Wide eyes look at her with confusion and hesitation.

“W-what do you mean?” It sounds wary, although not of Rhea herself.

Rhea keeps caressing Edelgard’s back, massaging it with her hand, tracing circles and drawing patterns with her fingers.

“You thought it would feel good, didn’t you? …truthfully I did too. But I think we made a mistake, it has to be balanced, controlled. And right now it’s anything but balanced. We let it go wild and now it’s uncontrolled chaos. Chaos which you are suffering from.”

Edelgard nods weakly, her eyes unfocused.

Out of sheer need Rhea wraps her arm tightly around Edelgard’s waist and leans in to kiss her. Edelgard’s lips tremble against hers as she tentatively returns the kiss. Rhea gently moves their mouths together, letting Edelgard focus on the sensation. The younger woman breaks their kiss with some effort and shifts to lie against her shoulder, resting under the side of Rhea’s head. Her face is flushed and she’s breathing slow and heavy, with a blush on her cheeks.

The magic almost completely has her in its grip by now if such a small touch can weaken her this much. Rhea will have to be careful.

Edelgard’s body is still pleasantly draped on top of her own and Rhea realizes just how much she enjoys it. The weight on top her makes her want to… slaughter entire armies, fall asleep in Edelgard’s warmth, use her full might and power to ensure Edelgard can smile freely. She wants- _needs-_ to keep her safe, no matter what.

She feels lilac eyes looking her from where the girl is lying against her. They’re slightly more focused, as if after the physical touching Edelgard is a little more present, yet the magic still clouds her vision.

Pleased at seeing visible proof of her theory Rhea decides to test it

She leans in to kiss Edelgard once more, softer this time. Her lips graze Edelgard’s before finally pressing them against Edelgard’s, slowly moving against them in a gentle kiss. She keeps doing this for some time. Alternating with brushing the girl’s lips, licking them with only the tip of her tongue. She kisses both cheeks and her jawline with equal care and tender patience.

When an audible gasp escapes from Edelgard’s mouth Rhea can’t help but smile. She moves back up, kisses both her cheeks, her nose and finally settling for Edelgard’s mouth again. This time her kisses are slightly less gentle. She languidly moves her lips against the others, which remain completely still for a moment until a soft tremor overcomes them and she timidly returned the motions.

Rhea feels a hand grab a fist of her green locks, pooling along her neck and can feel how Edelgard is clutching to it with desperation, to keep steady. To keep _grounded._

That was all the confirmation she needed.

She hums into Edelgard’s trembling mouth and gently breaks apart, softly kissing her nose before meeting her eyes. They’re darker, Rhea notices. Her eyes go dark much too fast, as if she wants to rush into this despite knowing she can’t resist the overpowering forces closing in on her.

Rhea smiles at the flustered woman.

“You did well,” she says earnestly.

“What? What did I do? I’m merely struggling to remain in control of myself. Your magic is rooted in me so deeply now, it’s hard to know what I want and need anymore…I just want my entire being to dissolve into you. …And I don’t think that’s a very sensible thing to want.”

A pang of guilt overcomes Rhea and she fiercely wishes she would have read up about this phenomenon before trying on an impulse.

Still her plan might work.

“But that kiss just now didn’t have anything to do with magic, now didn’t it?” She points out.

“What?” Edelgard says and her eyes widen in confusion, not understanding where Rhea is going with this. “No, it was.” She argues. I felt your magic tug at me from within. With every touch you make yourself seem aflame and I’m the moth who is helplessly drawn in to that flame.” she mutters, her voice strained, but the clear longing is still so audible it makes Rhea shiver in pleasure.

“Mhm yes, the magic might add to it. But the _act_ was wholly physical, no magic.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“The sensations you’re feeling though our magic, no matter how… pleasurable they might seem, cannot mix with physical sensations.” Rhea explains, relieved that her late family imparted her with this knowledge when it came to the difference in the free transcendent magic Nabateans possessed and the very corporal and physical way the magic of humans manifested. For her kind it was a part of her very essence, something within her that always met her pace with easy. For humans it was a tool they had to train to master.

“But that’s all our magic can do. It can’t physically rip you apart from the inside or tear out your soul. My Magic swirls and twirls in you like wildfire and yes it feels as if you’ll be torn apart because your body notices the powerful force invading you and sees no way to stop it, but your body doesn’t understand that it cannot _touch_ you.”

Rhea drags her nails hard across Edelgard’s back, from her neck all the way down to her waist.

Edelgard shrieks out in pain, yet with pleasure mingled in it. Eyes lidded and unfocused she glances at Rhea, confused, overwhelmed, aroused.

“Why…?” She asks weakly but curious.

Rhea gently brushes Edelgard’s hair. “Because that was another very physical sensation, all the magic does is rush alongside it,” she says, using the example as proof.

She grabs both hips of Edelgard and gently moves her until the girl is straddling her own hips properly, her legs on either sides of her pelvis. Rhea keeps her hands firm on Edelgard’s waist, each thumb drawing slow circles as to both calm her and see that she can still master her own reactions.

“Magic is wild and it lives to create chaos, it’s what gives it life. Crest were a joined effort between my kind and yours to ensure a more dependable and reliable form of magic.”

She laughs bitterly, both to herself to her ancestors for neglecting to notice this. “I’m sorry, my dear one. Had I known my magic would captivate you this badly I would never have.”

Edelgard’s face goes pale. “S-so now you’re just going to cut off the connection?” Her voice is fearful as she wraps her arms around herself for comfort. “P-please… I don’t know if I can bear that kind of pain.”

“No, that’s not what I’m going to do, instead I’m going show you that in the end the physical -your body- won’t have to succumb to the pleasure that comes with magic.”

Rhea begins stroking Edelgard’s hips in increasingly wide circles, pressing her fingers into the warm skin underneath. She strokes her sides, stomach and the entire length of her arms with equal passion. As she has turned to repeating the various motions she glances up to meet the eyes of the girl atop of her.

Her eyes are tightly shut her mouth is slightly open and her breaths are short, somewhere in between enjoying the sensation and internally fighting to stay in control of the overpowering forces coursing through her veins.

“My magic can be cruel and harsh, and it’s unforgiving to those who find themselves at my mercy …and you know I have little mercy for people who wronged me- normally that is,” she adds sheepishly and even on Edelgard’s lips there is a hint of an amused smile.

Rhea wraps her hands around Edelgard’s lower back and presses her fingers into the knotted muscles she finds there, gently yet firmly massaging the tension away. “I’m going to teach you, and your magic, how to wield and control mine, so it won’t be able to touch you like this any longer.”

Edelgard trembles and sighs. “Feels so good, Rhea. It’s making me light-headed.”

“Good,” Rhea murmurs, “Edelgard, all this magic can do is unknowingly mislead you, what my magic wants is to subjugate you –your magic- to mine. All it wants is to be whole once again.”

“Whole…” Edelgard mutters, struggling to resist the desire to want that too, even if her mind tells her it would kill her. “I could be whole…” she says so wistfully, as if she sees it as a lost past she could never reach.

Rhea fears the path Edelgard is on. She had always been alone. The loss of her parents, siblings and friends had left her with a deep hole in her heart and an ache in her soul that longs to be soothed. It would surely be tempting to give yourself up, to release yourself from that painful emptiness.

Edelgard regains some focus in her eyes and weakly shakes her head. “No...Not like this. I can’t just escape reality, my past, my actions and crimes for peace. I need to accept the consequences. I must face my end as myself, with dignity.”

It’s a painful thing to hear and Rhea cannot quiet deny the feeling of loss tightening around her heart. “I admire your resolve,” she says with a hint of resignation.

“How can I learn to wield your magic, to separate it from my physical self?” Edelgard asks, clearly forcing herself to say it. “I don’t think I should want to be drained, not my magic, not my life force and not my soul _._ ” Her voice is wavering as she speaks. “I mean, I want it so badly, I want nothing else… but I can’t let myself want this… so please. Before I grow too weak to resist”

Rhea is once more truly in awe of her mental strength, as even she has trouble keeping her head clear.

She fumbles with the words she should be saying next, struggling to find a way to make them sound plausible. She can’t quite shake the sense of dread and feels rather apprehensive, wondering what Edelgard will think of her if she doesn’t understand.

“I uhm… hear me out, please?” she asks with some gravity to her words.

She receives a tentative nod.

Rhea takes a deep breath and mentally prepares herself to say words –sensual and erotic words- she has always struggled to say so concrete.

To soothe and ground herself he moves a hand to wrap around the girls back and gently strokes her fingers along her spine. Feeling Edelgard Relax against her touching gives her the courage to speak up.

“As I said before, my magic is wild and free and follows me and my emotions with a passion. When I feel anger it becomes violent and dangerous, when I feel sad it becomes soothing and comforting. It clings to me like an invisible blanket, protecting me from the outside world in all manners of ways. …But now it’s in you and… and it feels how you long for it and how it weakens you. Following its nature it narrows down into that and meets your longing. It desires to make you feel good- it wants to give you pleasure,” she explains, hoping Edelgard didn’t hear the slight trembling in her voice near the end of her explanation.

Edelgard looks at her slightly bewildered, her eyes wide and her face flustered. You…It wants to pleasure me?” she asks timidly. The thought seems to leave her in conflict, unsure of what to make of it. “Do you mean as in… in sexual pleasure…?” Edelgard asks her softly, as if she hardly dares to ask such a question.

Rhea shakes her head. “I should clarify. While magic can certainly make someone feel pleasurable, its nature is still transcended. It cannot latch onto a body and give that pleasure. Magical pleasure is more… more Divine… I suppose. It’s more akin to ecstasy, it feels as if you are reaching a higher plane of existence, as opposed to the very physical pleasure humans experience, who only manage to feel a glimpse of the Divine.”

Rhea knows her face is flustered, she can feel how hot her cheeks are, not to mention the rest of her body. Even her heart feels warm as it beats faster than normal.

Edelgard looks just as flustered at having heard Rhea’s rather sensual explanation of transcendent pleasure. Her brows furrow and she’s deep in thought. Her cheeks are still red and the sight makes Rhea’s heart throb pleasantly.

“So you’re saying this transcendent magic that’s inside me… can feel how I unwillingly yearn for it and it can’t help but want to overwhelm me with this… this transcendent pleasure.” she mutters, her cheeks now fiercely red.

Rhea nods.

“And… and we need to get it out of me then, right?” Edelgard says, her feelings clearly in conflict with her rational mind as she struggles to say it.

“Yes, that would be for the best.”

Edelgard gives her a suspicious look. “How?” she mutters, her cheeks still bright read.

“Well,” Rhea starts and feels her face fluster again as she struggles to find the courage to go on. “I told you how a humans physical sensations- in this case pleasure- cannot mingle with the transcendence of magical sensations, right?” she asks carefully.

She receives another suspicious look before Edelgard tentatively nods. “...Yes,” she mutters softly.

Rhea knows, _knows_ that if Edelgard were to be in the _physical_ throes of pleasure Rhea could safely and gently dismantle their connection. The two forces don’t mix, they merely work side by side as a parallel, and therefore any strong physical sensations stemming from Edelgard’s own humanity would dominate over the transcendent ones, which are merely invading and won’t be able to keep a grasp on something which is already being overpowered by something else. Something wholly Edelgard’s own which she _can_ control.

But how does she tell her this without it sounding ridiculous? Invasive, even.

She glances at Edelgard, who is looking as if she’s slowly drawing conclusions on her own and is not exactly sure what to do with the implications she seems to begin to understand.

Needing to interrupt her thought process as Rhea fears she’ll reach a conclusion that’s completely wrong she tries to explain it herself. “Edelgard, I… listen. The magical sensations in you will no longer have a hold over you if you were to experience… if you were in…” she stills, unable to say the words. Out of shame? Guilt? Supposed selfishness or fear of misinterpretation? She doesn’t know. Maybe she’s just scared.

Something akin to realization dawns in Edelgard’s eyes.

“If I were in… pleasure,” she concludes for Rhea instead, although still sounding unsure.

When she sees Rhea fluster and turn away her head to avoid Edelgard’s gaze Edelgard suddenly seems _very_ sure.

“You want to…pleasure me.” she concludes again, now rather bemused and with a hint of shame for saying something which is so deeply shunned in the proper and courtly culture of nobles so bluntly.

Rhea strains herself to nod awkwardly, opening her mouth to speak but Edelgard doesn’t give her the chance.

“You _what?”_ she says harshly, suddenly alarmed as reality hits her with force. _"_ I know that was the original intention and all, but now, after all this? Have you lost your mind? I’m already hardly keeping it together. I can barely resist the need to beg you to kill me and you somehow think that _pleasuring_ me will calm these feelings? Do you truly want me to die?” she says sounding, distressed and anxious. “I’ll fall apart if you’d do that, I know it. I can _feel_ it,” she adds, struggling to remain in control over herself.

“I… no, Edelgard look at me.” Tentative and wary eyes meet hers. “It’s not like that. Just please let me explain. I need you to believe me, you -all of you- is so important to me and I would never violate any of your boundaries.” Her voice is urgent and pleading. When she dares to look at Edelgard’s eyes again her heart sinks.

They’re so open and raw and utterly vulnerable with tears threatening to fall.

Then, to Rhea’s relief a small yet fragile smile ghosts over her lips. “You truly mean that?” She asks with a sense of wonder and tentative belief.

“Yes, with all my heart,” Rhea confirms, nodding.

Edelgard stares at the ceiling for a moment, contemplating something. A blush creeps over her features and she abruptly buries her head in Rhea’s neck again.

“Tell me then,” a muffled sound comes from her neck. “Explain how this will help.”

Feeling embarrassed at the prospect of having to say some rather shameful and possibly explicit words Rhea is glad Edelgard can’t see her face.

She takes a deep breath.

“Magic used for battle is mutated into spells and those can certainly damage another being, yet this magic is the raw, free and undiluted form. It has no purpose but to _be_ , for it is no spell. It just _is._ A spell takes the transcendence of magic and the physical aspects of a reality and ties them together, that’s what makes spells dangerous.”

“But it feels like it is dangerous too, it feels like it holds my life by a thin thread,” Edelgard counters. “I can hardly call this not harming me”.

“That’s true, your body and magic aren’t used to this amount of wild, uncontrolled magic coursing through it and you’re too inexperienced to channel it. It makes you feel as if you’ll fall apart and fade because your subconscious is desperately resisting against this foreign magic dwelling within you in such potent amounts that it’s stronger than your sense of self.”

Edelgard is silent for a moment as she takes in the words.

“Rhea… it doesn’t feel all that foreign,” she mumbles, hinting she can sense more of what Rhea’s magic truly is than Rhea previously thought.

She doesn’t say anything more but its clear Edelgard has been putting some of the pieces together.

“You’re right,” Rhea admits softly. “We are compatible, our magic is the same and that is precisely why it’s reaching out to your so intensely, it recognizes you.”

She can’t quite suppress the smile and warm feelings that come with admitting it. The secrecy she has always shrouding herself with just makes her feel so alone.

“I want to test something with you,” she says. “I want to show you that you can control me and my magic with yours in the same way mine is trying to do to you. Do you trust me?”

Edelgard gives her a tentative look before visibly relaxing and nodding softly.

“If I can proof that to you then maybe you’ll understand why… why _pleasure_ might be a valid solution to keep you from harm.” She curses herself for still being unable to say more erotic words without having to temporarily purge all the more rational –and shameful- parts of her mind.

Eyes narrow slightly as Edelgard looks at her suspiciously and for a moment Rhea thinks she will object, convinced Rhea is just trying to coax her into one of her shady selfish plans, but then the tension bleeds from her features and with a sense of calmness she turns the wrists at her sides to face Rhea in a small sign of submitting and looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes with a calculated but trusting look.

Rhea takes the change in posture as a sign of acceptance.

“In order for you to overcome this, to master this thing tugging at your soul, I’m going to teach you how to tap into my magic and make it your own.”

Gently, as not to startle Edelgard and her newfound fragile trust in Rhea she grabs one of the girl’s hands and places it over the bare skin of her own chest along her collarbone.

“Can you feel my heartbeat?” she murmurs softly.

Edelgard seems transfixed by the sensation, her hand trembling slightly as she presses down against Rhea’s skin. She swallows hard, “…Yes, I can,” she responds, tone slightly hoarse.

“Hmm good, now try to feel what dwells within that, not within my heart, but my blood that that runs throughout my body along my pulse.”

“Your…blood?” Edelgard asks with a small voice.

Rhea nods and smiles. “Yes, although that’s just the physical part, the conductor. Try to feel what’s resonating between you and me. The source of it is in my blood. Try to reach for that with your own magic. It should function as some sort of bridge between you and me.”

Edelgard swallows again, looking at Rhea curiously and slightly unfocused before closing her eyes in concentration. Her Crest of Seiros flickers momentarily before settling on a stable and bright glow. Even Edelgard’s hair seems to turn slightly crystalline as each individual hair reflects what little light there is in the room with much more intensity.

Rhea feels Edelgard’s magic spill from her fingertips and because of the way it resonates with her own it is all but eager to reach for hers. Without being affected by any physical barriers, Edelgard’s much more demure magic easily slips through her skin and Rhea feels the tendrils of Edelgard’s magic gently reaching and prodding until it gets deep enough inside her where it reaches her veins. The veins where her magic dwells.

The way Edelgard’s magic taps into her bloodstream leaves her completely unguarded yet the sense of contentment that spills into her along with it washes away all apprehension and she can’t suppress a satisfied sigh as she welcomes the sensation.

It takes Edelgard a moment to find out how to connect, her magic first aimlessly twirling around and through Rhea’s bloodstream until she accidentally lets her magic resonate with that of Rhea’s.

Edelgard gasps softly, her eyes unfocused and wide as she carefully feels around with her magic. “Rhea, I can feel your heartbeat _everywhere_ inside you,” she murmurs with quiet wonder. “I can feel your magic and trace it traveling along your blood with my own.” She looks at Rhea with surprise, unsure of what any of this means.

Rhea smiles gently at her, feeling a little small as magic she isn’t in control of slowly tangles itself deeper into her body. Rhea doesn’t think Edelgard has the slightest idea how intimate and deeply personal this act is, as it leaves her completely at Edelgard’s mercy, both magically and emotionally.

She ought to thread carefully but the sensation is so addicting, making her feel so warm and whole, she can’t help but want more. “Try to tangle into my magic with yours,” she suggests, unable to quite get the longing out of her voice.

Rhea knows full well it’s a risk for her, as Edelgard could easily violate her magical essence if she wanted to –if she even knows how- but Rhea can’t help but want to feel Edelgard so close within her, to connect with her on a level no human can. And she wants to trust Edelgard too.

Edelgard nods softly, seemingly mesmerized by this new sensation as well.

She clumsily but not painfully begins to deepen their connection, weaving their joined magic into complicated and intricate but nonsensical patterns. Rhea lets it happen as her mind feels pleasantly subdued, even helping Edelgard ever so slightly by reaching out with her own magic to her.

As their powers are one and the same their magic feels compelled to gravitate to one another, a latent desire to become one what was once separated. Edelgard senses this pull from Rhea’s magic with ease and responds to it by drawing Rhea’s magic into herself.

A tremor runs through Edelgard the moment she senses Rhea’s magic pouring into herself. She gasps and momentarily her magic wavers. “Rhea, I…I can take your magic,” she says both bewildered and enthralled.

“Yes,” Rhea mumbles hazily. “And in doing so you’ll be able to overcome its influence on you.”

Feeling the way her magic is slowly and clumsily being oozed out of her bloodstream is dizzying. Rhea places a hand over Edelgard’s own, both in reassurance and encouragement, as the way Edelgard’s magic is draining her own feels so pleasantly weakening for her it leaves her thoughts hazy.

The younger woman can’t control her magic with perfect precision and is likely also influenced by the need to reach out and connect, so Rhea feels her powers drawn in needy, fluctuating pulses.

Edelgard’s magic is just as intangible as her own so no matter where she pulls, tugs or goes, Rhea’s organs and all of her physical form won’t even notice it, let alone be affected by it. It’s her soul and magic that are at risk.

She thinks she could handle it if Edelgard would suddenly try to forcefully and violently drain all her magic within her at once, but her mind is getting so hazy and her body so willing she wonders if she even _would_ resist if Edelgard were to try and take her. Edelgard is just being so _gentle_ despite being glaringly needy and curious as she pours Rhea’s magic into herself. Her whole demeanor is making Rhea feel mentally vulnerable, but it simply feels so good to willingly let every inch of herself be subjected to Edelgard’s gentle need and curiosity.

She should worry about this, put a stop to it before things get too far.

Rhea dimly realizes her breathing has become slow and heavy and she’s leaning slightly against Edelgard’s shoulder for support as she struggles to keep her eyes open.

The way Edelgard makes her feel is nothing short of tantalizing and nothing in her wants to make this stop.

She shudders pleasantly when Edelgard curiously places her other hand on her wrist and instantly her magic finds a way under Rhea’s skin.

Her reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by Edelgard, who looks up with hazy eyes to meet equally hazy ones.

“I can feel all of you,” she mutters in quiet awe, enthralled. Her brows furrow and her expression turns worried. “Doesn’t it hurt? Won’t it make you weak?”

Rhea smiles reassuringly. “No dear, it doesn’t hurt in the slightest.” She places her hand on Edelgard’s cheek. “But you do make me feel very weak, Edelgard,” she admits softy.

Edelgard looks surprised to hear that. “Truly? But your magic is so vast and powerful, I am no match against it, how could I possibly weaken you...”

“I’m sure I could overpower you with my magic if this were a battle,” she says and sighs softly. “But Edelgard this isn’t anything like that, I willingly exposed myself to your magic and now you’ve woven it into me so deeply that if you were to forcefully drain me and take it all for yourself and violently yank away you… you could hurt me deeply. I’d be at your mercy, if not worse.”

Edelgard pales. “I’m sorry,” she whispers astonished. “I didn’t know it worked like that. I… I...”

Rhea feels Edelgard’s magic in her tremble as its owner isn’t sure if she has the right to be present anymore. Before she can awkwardly rush to try and retreat, possible hurting them both in the process, Rhea quickly reaches out to the girls’ magic with her own, encapsulating it with a soothing sensation.

“Stay,” she asks softly. “Your presence is not unwelcome.”

“But you just said I could hurt you,” Edelgard mumbles in protest. “I’m afraid I will.”

“There are so many was we could hurt each other… but this one? It makes me feel so close to you. I want you here within me, let you explore to your heart’s content. I know it’s a risk, I truly do. But I just want to remain close to you for a little while longer. It’s addicting to feel you like this.” Her voice is unsteady and she feels a blush creep over her face yet she feels at ease nonetheless.

“ _Rhea…_ ” Edelgard whispers hoarsely. “Do you genuinely trust me like that?”

“Yes,” Rhea says easily.

“Oh…so you truly don’t mind if I…stay?” she says, looking for the appropriate term.

Rhea hums in approval. “If you wish to, yes.”

“Yes I want to… it feels so good Rhea,” she mumbles, her face flushed.

“For me too, little one. Take what you need, it’ll help you built resistance against my magic.” She encourages her with a smile and moves her body so that she’s laying against the girl in her arms and closes her eyes, surrendering herself to the strange yet very welcome sensation of Edelgard’s magic reaching and exploring around her body.

Edelgard instinctively reaches for veins and arteries, eager to map out all of Rhea and mingle their magic. She’s cuddling against Rhea now, eyes closed with a lazy smile on her lips, one hand still splayed over Rhea’s chest, the other resting on her stomach. Her knees are pulled up and pressed gently against her thigh.

She makes the occasional noise, a soft sigh, a pleasant hum, a needy gasp when she suddenly reaches a more strong concentration of magic in Rhea’s blood. She gently shifts her body against Rhea’s in an almost passive rhythm. Her hand on Rhea’s stomach draws lazy circles, occasionally breaking the pattern to touch her a slightly different and uncoordinated way. She’s fond of making her fingertips dance sensually slow across her abdomen, Rhea muses to herself with a smile.

Much to Rhea’s dismay Edelgard stills her movements and looks at Rhea with a conflicted expression. “I…I can’t help but feel like I’m making you uncomfortable. As if I’m invading somewhere and tearing all the decorations from the wall,” she explains with a hint of shame.

Rhea gives her a serene look, her eyes hazy as hazy as her mind. “My dear Edelgard, it feels wonderful feel you everywhere within me,” she admits lightly. “I _want_ you here deep inside me.”

Instantly the girl turns red and her body stiffens. “ _Rhea…”_ she whispers embarrassedly.

Rhea lets out a quiet laugh as even she can’t deny the rather sexual implication of her choice of words.

“My apologies,” she says with amusement. “You know I mean your magic. It simply feels like you belong within me.”

Edelgard turns to look very small, with tiny fragile smile on her lips. “Like I belong,” she echoes. “It… it does feel like I belong. It’s as if there are no beginnings and endings between us.”

Rhea tightens the grasp she has on Edelgard’s hand. “I prefer this infinitely over seeing you desperately fight to resist my magic in you. This is much more… equal.”

Edelgard blushes at Rhea’s words and makes an half attempt to hide her face again before she manages to convince herself that it shouldn’t be necessary because Rhea enjoys this intimacy too. She can be open.

She meets Rhea’s gaze again, an unsure and fragile smile settles on her lips and a questioning look in her eyes.

Rhea presses her hand against the one on her chest. “Please keep going, make me belong,” she whispers, the need apparent in her breathless words.

Her words make Edelgard go weak against her and as her blush deepens she swallows and nods. “O-okay.”

She picks up where she stopped with ease. With her new sense of confidence and the feeling of belonging she quickly grows more and more proficient and her clumsy and uncoordinated magical prodding turns into a much more graceful dance of some sorts, as she deftly and deliberately sends numerous extensions of herself reaching in all directions throughout Rhea.

Soon Rhea can feel the coils and curls of Edelgard swarm her body in gentle waves. She moves on from veins and arteries to organs, rarely piercing them too deeply for there is generally nothing worthwhile to find there in terms of magic. Instead she merely traces the walls of them where blood does dwell.

It’s refreshing in a way, even cleansing. One generally isn’t very aware of the presence of their organs in their body but the way Edelgard trails them and lets their magic resonate makes them light up in Rhea’s mind and she feels herself being reconnected to her own body somehow.

Edelgard seems particularly fond of her lungs, mesmerized by the inhale and exhale of air and the way her blood circulates through them along the rhythm of Rhea’s slow and steady breathing. With a sense of fondness Rhea becomes aware Edelgard has been mimicking her breathing pattern.

Rhea might be the one with the most potent magic brimming throughout every cell in her body, but the way Edelgard’s curious magic is swirling and tracing within her most definitely holds her under a most powerful spell.

“Do you wish to feel my heart?” she asks hazily and without much clarity in her mind, her usual fierceness and mental barriers are pleasantly weakened by the way Edelgard and her magic are touching her.

With a start she realizes how badly she wants her to.

And how badly she _shouldn’t_ want her to _._ She promptly swipes away the latter thought, because Heavens she needs to feel Edelgard’s magic deep in her heart.

Edelgard swallows and stares at her intently. “Uhm… I thought it might be dangerous, or…rude,” she explains and blushes into Rhea’s shoulder. “It felt… greedy. Your heart belongs to you and only you,” she mutters awkwardly.

Rhea grabs her chin with just the tips of her fingers and raises it to look her in the eyes. “Tell me my Emperor, are you truly feeling greedy?”

Edelgard mumbles something incoherently at the use of her title but simultaneously some of her insecurity and fragility dissipates as well.

“Yes, I must confess I’m quite a greedy person by nature, if not by actions.” She sighs woefully.

Rhea decides to pointedly ignore the last few words because this is _still_ the person who invaded the Church _and_ two bordering Nations, which Rhea is sure of was partly out of greed and a need for more control.

But for the time being there are more pressing matters at hand.

“Be greedy, then,” she simply says- almost demands- slightly crooking her head to the side with a vaguely serene expression.

Edelgard looks startled. “Being greedy is not a good quality Rhea,” she chides softly, perhaps more to herself than to Rhea.

“There is a right and wrong time for the many types of greed that exist. Some save lives, some destroy lives, and some protect lives. It’s a valid thing to feel, just as any other type of emotion is,” Rhea tells her with the wisdom of someone who has lived for a very long time.

She leans in to kiss Edelgard, grazing their lips together and they gently move against each other until Rhea feels Edelgard sigh contently against her lips.

She breaks the kiss and Edelgard tries to make a protesting whine but it quickly dies in her throat as Rhea reaches for her hand once more and plants it firmly in on the skin above her heart.

Edelgard completely stills and with a wide and confused look she glances at Rhea’s face, then to her hand on Rhea’s chest and then back to Rhea again. The Archbishop can’t help but chuckle in amusement at her reaction.

“Every emotion has a function, it’s up to a person to know when to let them shine,” she says sincerely, the smile still lingering on her lips.

“Rhea, I don’t understand. I shouldn’t…” she mutters, afraid that she might be wrong and will rejected after all.

“I want you to be greedy, dear Edelgard.” Rhea says and kisses her again, shorter than last time and she grazes the other woman’s lower lip with her teeth as she breaks the kiss. “I assure you, now is the right time for you to be greedy.”

Edelgard looks flustered, her lips swollen, her cheeks red and her eyes dark but full of life and want. She searches in Rhea’s eyes for any hint of deceit or ulterior motives but then seemingly concludes there are none.

She gently thrums her fingertips against Rhea’s chest, where Rhea can feel pleasantly weak sparks of Edelgard’s magic shoot into her and then fading almost instantly. “This better not be one of your shady plans, Archbishop” Edelgard says breathlessly, trying to sound somewhat condescending but the tremble and shifting pitch in her voice are evidence of the strong emotions lying underneath.

Rhea takes a deep breath, opens herself up more than she thought was possible, and lowers both her mental and magical barriers.

“I want to feel you in my heart …Edelgard, I’m greedy too.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen and slowly her mouth opens but instead of words coming out her lips being to tremble and she abruptly closes it again. “I just don’t understand why you’d want to let me do something so intimate to you…I’m not worthy.”

“You _are_ worthy. And you don’t have to understand my intentions, just believe my sincerity. Please.”

Edelgard stares at her for a long and hard moment before seemingly accepting the risk of getting hurt. She leans in to kiss Rhea once more and simultaneously pours her magic into Rhea’s chest. It’s easier to navigate now and Rhea had placed her hand right above her own heart. Still Edelgard takes her time, enjoying the feeling of familiarity, deep connection and an almost innocent intimacy.

She sighs into their kiss and Rhea can feel Edelgard’s body relax against her. She copies her movements and snuggles into the smaller girl, keeping them steady with the arm she has draped around her. She loses herself once more to the pleasant sensation of feeling foreign magic gently course through her and explore her body.

It might have been seconds, it might have been minutes but suddenly there is a heavy pulsing sensation in their connection which strengthens they bond beyond what Rhea thought possible.

It can mean only one thing.

Edelgard has reached her heart.

She feels Edelgard tremble so she tightens her grip around the girl, for both their sakes and comfort. Rhea feels herself grows terribly weak within moments, and while it’s pleasant it also feels like someone is holding her soul in their hands and could crush it into dust if they wished so. In fact, that is more or less the case. Edelgard could decide to forcefully drain all the magic in her heart and Rhea is not sure she’s currently strong –or _willing-_ enough to react in time. It’s terrifying yet also so incredibly nice to be ably trust someone so deeply that you can let them hold your life like this.

It renders her almost completely speechless, instead she wants to remain completely still and let the sensations course through her body while their lips brush against each other.

As Edelgard starts looking increasingly anxious Rhea momentarily breaks away. “I’m alright dear” she reassures gently. “Don’t worry, you’re not hurting me.”

“I…I d-don’t know what to do,” she stammers, eyes wide with astonishment. “I can feel your _heartbeat_ , Rhea. Not through a vein under your skin but coming from your _actual_ heart. I can feel the blood rushing through it, where it’s coming from, where it’s going… everything. I can feel _all_ of you,” she says reverently and with such wonder and awe it makes Rhea wonder if a human was ever meant to reach out into another in such a delicate way.

Helplessly Edelgard looks at Rhea, but she too is also so deeply affected by feeling her heart touched she cannot phantom or care about the danger she’s in.

“You’re holding my heart in your hand, my dear,” she says, her voice low and she’s unable to keep out how deeply devoted she suddenly feels towards Edelgard. “I’d suggest you treat it the way you see fit.”

She wonders that if this –the sudden need to worship- is also an instinctive side effect from letting Edelgard in like this.

In fact, somehow it makes herself want to completely submit to all of Edelgard’s wants and needs. She has half a mind to consider if this is because her body is urging her to yield to the magic holding her in its grasp or because she’d just really enjoy the sensation of doing so.

“I don’t think I’m worthy, Rhea,” Edelgard says almost timidly.

Rhea considers she’s probably not in a very rational state of mind right now.

Regardless, she decides her desires take precedence over everything else right now. They just _feel_ right.

She turns her face away from Edelgard and stares at the ceiling instead. “You may do with my heart as you please,” she murmurs softly, yet with a deep want in her tone. “Your whims are something I find worthy to subject my heart to.”

“W-what?” Edelgard stutters. “You really… really letting me in like that? I’m not entirely sure but I somehow know I could truly torture or kill you if I feel the need,” she whispers with quiet awe. The girl ponders her words for a moment. “I could tear out your heart,” she states numbly.

“Indeed you could,” Rhea mumbles in agreement. It should terrify her and make her want to push Edelgard away. But it doesn’t, not at all. “I think that’s why it feel so… good, I trust you, and even if you were to do so I would be at peace with it.” She’s surprised at the truth of her own words.

“That’s…You shouldn’t say that so lightly.” Edelgard says with worry. “It would be so easy for me to hurt you,” she whispers softly, as if she’s ashamed of it.

Rhea smiles serenely at the ceiling. “I know that, dear. I gave you that power willingly, after all.”

“…Aren’t you afraid I’ll just end up hurting you?” Edelgard pries, trying to navigate Rhea’s state of mind

“It’s a possibility I know,” Rhea says airily. “But frankly I don’t care,” she sighs deeply and it’s as if years of frustration and loneliness crumble and fall from her shoulders in wilted petals. “You’re holding the core of what keeps me, both magical and physical me alive. I can feel the tendrils of your magic everywhere throughout me and my magic longs to entangle with yours. You’ve got me tangled in your web like a fly.” She laughs quietly. “Maybe not like a fly, I’m much stronger than that. Regardless, fly or not, I flew into your web willingly, little spider,” she jokes.

She turns her head to glance at Edelgard’s face once more, “It makes me feel so very weak yes, but also utterly peaceful, passive and _happy_. Like I belong. And I haven’t… haven’t belonged to anyone in a long time. Certainly never like this.”

She sighs again and presses her forehead against Edelgard’s “I know you can hurt me deeply if you wish so, perhaps even truly kill me if you’re determined and inventive enough,” she mutters. She feels Edelgard stiffen against her. “It’s like I’m a dreadfully small pond and you just filled it with endless sharp fishhooks, just one sharp tug from one of those would hurt tremendously, let alone the idea of what would happen if I were to struggle.”

She kisses Edelgard’s forehead. “So,” she shrugs. “I’m not going to struggle. I’m giving you my heart, body and soul and leave the fate of my life in your hands.”

At seeing Edelgard’s stunned expression Rhea adds “It is the least I could do after I got you tangled up so deeply into this Crest magic mess.”

The white haired woman opens her mouth to speak but ends up smiling widely, still unsure of what she should do next.

“I meant it, do what you want.” Rhea insists. Softer and much more vulnerably she adds, “Although I’d like to know beforehand if vengeance and wrath will be your angles. I have no experience with the pain and suffering that come with someone magically torturing my heart.”

To Rhea’s relief, Edelgard is visibly appalled by the idea. “No, _no._ I’d never, please Rhea. Not like that, not when you’re so vulnerable, so _willing._ ” Gently she places a hand on Rhea’s cheek. “You’re so… frightfully tranquil about baring yourself to me in such a vulnerable way. It’s as if you want me there in you with a feverish need.” She gives Rhea a tender look. “You too are being influenced by this magic, aren’t you?”

The reality of Edelgard’s words settle in Rhea’s mind with a dull shock. “Yes…” she breathes out. “Yes, it seems I am, more so than I realized.”

Edelgard gives her a small smile and strokes her cheek with her fingers. “If we are both in such a glaringly weak state of mind we ought to try and keep each other safe while it lasts,” she suggests, her voice so warm and kind.

Rhea nods, relieved that she’s no longer alone in making sense of her strange needs and wants. “I’d like that, yes.”

She grabs Edelgard’s hand and gently caresses her fingers with her own. “What do you suggest we do?”

Edelgard blushes slightly and her expression turns shy. “Well, if you’re still up for it… I’d just really want to feel your magic more.” She glances away from Rhea’s eyes and hesitates to continue. “I uhm…really want to lie close to you, hold you while I tangle my magic in you. You can use yours on me too, if you wish…” She adds bashfully.

Rhea nods and feels her face fluster. Unable to say anything instead she simply lies down on her side and motions for Edelgard to come lie next to her.

As their body contact momentarily diminishes and the distance grows between them their deep connection stretches and fades slightly, but aside from a slightly discomforting tug of loneliness their bond perseveres with ease.

Edelgard wastes no time following Rhea and practically crawls into her front. Rhea wraps her arms around Edelgard and Rhea shifts and presses the both of them so that their bodies come to lie flush against each other with Edelgard’s smaller body curled up and pressed into Rhea, her head nestled under the crook of Rhea’s chin.

Rhea feels something akin to fierce protectiveness overcome her. It makes if feel as if she could shield Edelgard from any harm, danger or pain if she would just hold her like this forever. Her logical mind tells her it doesn’t work like that but her heart furiously insists that this feels _right_ and she can’t help but tighten her hold on the girl in her need.

Edelgard has just enough space left to place her hand on Rhea’s chest again, not exactly on her heart but she’s now familiar with the inner magical maze of Rhea and finds her way there soon enough.

Slowly she begins shifting her magic in and around Rhea’s heart and Rhea instantly surrenders to the sensation as it makes her feel so utterly content. One of her hands starts brushing through white hair, the other she places on the small of Edelgard’s back. With utmost care she traces her spine with her fingertips and uses just a sliver of magic as she does so. The trail she leaves sinks through Edelgard’s skin as it senses its counterpart beneath it.

Rhea purposely uses little enough that it is up to Edelgard to decide if she wishes to let it reach out into her but the moment Edelgard senses her magic she lets down all barriers and shivers against Rhea as she almost hungrily reaches out for it and pulls Rhea’s magic into herself.

She gasps at the new sensations and her fingers tremble against Rhea’s chest. Rhea lets her magic gently travel deeper, yet the nature of it is soothing and calming.

As Rhea continues, ever careful and ever gentle, Edelgard’s fingers stop trembling and her breathing gradually turns slow. She makes soft content noises as she rhythmically traces Rhea’s magic deep inside her almost forcefully yet it isn’t unpleasant in the slightest. In fact, it’s more than satisfying and she can’t quite suppress the content gasps and soft moans escaping her mouth.

They’re both a little lost, Rhea idly thinks to herself. What they’re doing is dangerous and weird and frankly quite insane. But she can’t bring herself to care, not when she feels how Edelgard weaves her magic around her heart with such reverence and devotion, not when Edelgard moans quietly into her chest as Rhea lets her magic travel just a little deeper into her skin.

She lets her mind cloud over and her thoughts become hazy. After a while she realizes she truly can’t tell anymore where she ends and Edelgard begins. Their magic is a part of their essence - their very being- and so much of it is now woven into the other, connecting and twirling around each other, it’s impossible to tell them apart.

She wonders how they would seem to a bystander, tangled into each other, eyes closed with slow breathing occasionally interrupted by gasps and moans. A pair of lovers asleep? No, that doesn’t quite cut it. A bystander might not be able to see their magic but they would notice their gentle shifting, content sighs and soft moans.

Likely they’d just be very confused and mildly disturbed at the sight.

In the end the only way to tell they’re still human, that they still very much have a physical presence is the sounds of their shaky breaths and the way Rhea occasionally feels Edelgard shift against her, serving as proof that she still has skin to feel with and that Edelgard still has skin she can touch.

They lose track of time, track of reality, track of themselves, of everything really. All that matters is the mutual enjoyment they share as they indulge in this bond that leaves them both so glaringly weak for each other.

But that just makes everything feel so much better.

The deep trust they share as they lie entangled

They might as well be dying, or they might as well have died already. Neither of them would notice at this point.

Or care.

* * *

Neither Edelgard nor Rhea know how much time has passed but Rhea can still magically sense the sun is still high in the air so it can’t have been more than an hour or two.

They also don’t know exactly what brought them back down to earth, to their physical bodies. Perhaps the magic had satisfied their need to connect, perhaps their bodies yearned for their presence in them once more.

Regardless, at one point Rhea noticed Edelgard kissing her lips softly and when she –with some effort- opened her eyes she was met with the sight of Edelgard looking somewhere in between sleepy and utterly content.

The girl breaks their kiss and rolls on her back, staring at the ceiling, giving Rhea some time to have her senses return to her as she too seems to ‘wake up’

After some time Edelgard lets out a long content sigh. “You were right, I feel so much more like myself now. Even your magic seems much less intimidating, as if I can understand it better. Almost as if I’m getting skilled in a new language.” She glances over at Rhea, who is looking at her with gentle curiosity, smiling slightly. “There is so much less strain now,” she says, laughing happily in relief.

Edelgard reaches out for Rhea’s hand, opting to place the top of her fingers onto those of Rhea’s and pours in the tiniest bit of magic, not enough to feel much but just enough to feel the pleasing tendrils of their bond.

Rhea gives her a few more minutes to recover, content with feeling their magic connect and twirl between their fingertips.

“Do you see now this bond doesn’t have to be painful or dangerous…as long as we trust each other that is.”

“Yes,” Edelgard agrees airily.

“So…” she starts, bringing back the earlier topic. “Do you understand now how physical sensations to your body, _pleasure,”_ she forces herself to say, “will help you ease out of this connection without harm?”

Several expressions cross Edelgard’s features as is she’s trying to put the pieces of evidence she has into something logical. She shakes her head lightly, more in frustration than in disagreement.

“Explain to me more.” She insists, clearly curious. “I can see where you’re coming from now yes but nothing of this was physical, which you said was important.”

Rhea smiles, relieved at Edelgard’s willingness to listen.

“My idea is,” she starts tentatively. “That this bond is, while incredibly strong and intimate, not physical at all and so this magic, which is pure and transcendent therefore has no way of harming you.”

“But Rhea, I just held so much power over your heart I could have killed you had I wished so, isn’t that right?” Edelgard points out rightfully.

“Yes,” Rhea admits with some reluctance. “But that was _your_ doing, and only after I let you. That was a result – a benefit- of our connection, not a way to undo it, although it certainly helped you ease into it”

“It does feel less…draining now yes, I feel more in control,” Edelgard mumbles, glancing to the side bashfully.

“You are in control, because no matter what our bond will make you feel, it cannot touch your physical form.” Rhea ensures her.

Edelgard glances at her nervously. “I’m just so scared you will utterly overwhelm me,” she says, her voice small and unsure

“I will, and you should let me.”

Edelgard gives her a startled look as her blush deepens. “I’m sorry?”

“You’ll be save, I promise. I’ll stay with you and ensure it won’t be too much.”

The girl instantly regains some of her usual sensibility as something akin to recognition flashes over her expression. “Ah, yes. What did you insist on calling it? _To control and guide_ , wasn’t it?” she says smiling shamelessly and Rhea is relieved to see some of that familiar mirth come back to her otherwise fragile expression.

She smiles back, feeling slightly caught for more or less admitting that the way she spoke of her noble job to guide Fodlan also holds a more deeper and intimate meanings for her.

The hint of mirth in Edelgard’s expression turns into a full-blown playful smirk and Rhea feels her heart sink as she dreads what is to come.

“So, exactly _what_ are you going to do to me then?” She asks unceremoniously. “Or what are _we_ going to do. I suppose that would be more accurate, no?” She says, grinning at the implications of her own words.

Rhea gives her a blank look and is immediately at a loss of words as saying such things out loud is very promiscuous, especially for a centuries old Archbishop who is to talk about nothing but virtues, purity and innocence.

Edelgard immediately notices her struggle and her grin widens. She pushes Rhea’s hair behind her ear and gently strokes the outer lines of said ear, making Rhea gasp at the contact.

“You are quite prude when it comes down to it aren’t you, little Archbishop?” She teases.

Anger flares up in Rhea for being called _little._ How dare this woman? However the way her ear is being touched distracts her from it and calms her, leaving her pleasantly demure.

“I’m _not_ prude, Edelgard.” She insists curtly.

“Really? Because all I’ve been hearing are vague allegories and flowery descriptions, and you know how _clueless_ I am when it’s about understanding the subtle meaning behind words,” she says in a tone so falsely innocent it’s dripping from every syllable. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you keep referring to,” she blatantly lies with a grin plastered on her face that’s as merciless as it is mirthful.

“I…Edelgard _must_ I?” Rhea tries defensively. Being _direct_ with her words -let alone her desires- is not something she was ever good in. Instead she had spent years mastering the act of doing the exact opposite, getting exactly what she wanted with only the most subtle hints and clues in her ever vague and flowery words.

But of course Edelgard will have none of that, the girl practically lives for subverting Rhea’s age old habits and traditions.

“You must yes, I insist.”

“ _Why,_ Edelgard?” Rhea almost hisses at her, feeling both increasingly powerless and flustered.

Edelgard’s expression somehow turns even more devious. “Oh, it just really turns me on.” She shrugs and laughs quietly.

“You’re _horrible,_ don’t you have any manners? What did they even teach you at Enbarr? Did anyone ever teach you any etiquette at all because this is _not_ proper. Did they let you eat your dinner with your hands too, you _animal_.”

Edelgard only laughs even more at her flustered ranting. “In the end the etiquette they drilled into me got me nowhere, however this more _direct_ approach is doing wonders if your flustered expression is anything to go by.” She points out, her words sharp as a dagger.

“I… I… _Edelgard,”_ Rhea growls in frustration, both in because the girl is so being so insolent and at herself for being unable to say anything that sounds even remotely erotic when pressed to do so.

Edelgard watches her stammer and struggle and apparently decides to go for another approach.

“I suppose it comes down to me then,” she says in faux resignation.

Her grin returns and Rhea knows – _feels-_ she’s about to be torn to shreds. She’s too stuck between the paralyzing fear of having to say what she wants and the dread of letting Edelgard assault her ears with her less than proper vocabulary.

So in the end she doesn’t do anything and just lets it happen.

Totally not because she’s secretly slightly curious at what will spawn from Edelgard’s mouth.

“Hmm you keep talking about things like ‘touching’ and ‘physical pleasure’,” Edelgard muses out loud. “So you see, I cannot help wonder where you would touch me…or how. It’s all so vague,” she keeps going, clearly amusement. “Now what is a place where a woman tends to feel pleasure when touched?”

She raises a finger to her lips and pretends to be deep in thought for a moment.

Rhea thinks she’s going to faint from the tension alone but suddenly Edelgard’s eyes light up and then, much to Rhea’s horror, glances at the finger hovering in front of her lip.

She grins widely, eyes full of mischief.

“Tell me if I’m wrong, oh holy Archbishop, but I think you want to use your fingers and use them to thoroughly fu-”

“ _STOP_ ,” Rhea yells –almost growls- helplessly, her face so red she might as well admit that’s indeed what she wants but she will _not_ stand for this. “Edelgard, I swear if you finish that sentence, if you say that vile word I _will_ call down a number of my bishops to cleanse this room of sin.

Much to her dismay Edelgard bursts into laughter.

“Oh… _oh_ , Archbishop” she says, still laughing and with only barely enough cohesion to speak. “I think it would make more sense if you do that _after_ we are done, don’t you agree?”

Rhea feels herself break a little, unable to cope with this chaotic, unpredictable storm of a woman. “ _Why_ must you insist on always aggravating me so? You clearly noticed how much I struggle yet you still subject me to your merciless onslaught.” She sighs in frustration. “This is already difficult for me as it is, Edelgard. I don’t need you to make my pathetic floundering into a joke.” She had raised her voice without meaning to and one look at Edelgard makes her regret doing so.

Edelgard’s eyes widen in genuine surprise before several expressions cross her features in quick succession until eventually they settle on a weak, almost apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry,” she says awkwardly. “I’m just… I’m really scared.” She looks away, avoiding Rhea’s eyes. “This magic is clouding my senses and making me feel things so deeply. And then there’s _you._ You’re so strong and in control and I’m scared if you touch me- truly touch me- you’ll hurt me so deeply. Not physically or magically, but my feelings instead.” She laughs wryly at her own supposed shortcomings.

“I know you touched me before, but that was through my clothes and gentle and _safe._ But this… this is a whole other level. Rhea, I fear I’ll be so overwhelmed that I will lose control over myself, and I’m afraid that you… you’ll be… put off by that or something. …I’m scared you’ll laugh at me,” she says in a trembling voice, bowing her head in shame.

Laughing at Edelgard? The thought hadn’t occurred to Rhea at all, but maybe Edelgard sees expressing pleasure as a lapse in self-control and Rhea can understand how being laughed at or worse, rejected for that can seem deeply terrifying for someone who has the deeply strong need for self-control Edelgard has.

At Rhea’s moment of silence Edelgard tentatively meets her eyes, when she finds a small smile and a gentle urge to continue she finds the safety she needs to keep going.

To Rhea’s surprise she opens up to her.

“S-so I need this air of indifference, of uncaring and humor around me because I’m not sure I can handle the pain if I open up to you and you reject me. I can handle your distaste for me, your hate and anger… but not your rejection of my feelings, of the parts of me I have no control over.” This time she doesn’t break eye contact but it’s clear she’s struggling to do so, as her eyes nervously glance away from Rhea’s for less than a second before meeting them again.

Wanting to reassure the vulnerable girl, Rhea sits up more straight and cradles Edelgard’s head against her chest. “I let you touch my heart with your magic, I keep kissing you, holding you, touching you. Do you really think I’ll be put off by anything more?” She says soothingly.

“I don’t know. I’m just terrified you’ll say something to hurt me while I’m at my weakest.” She laughs wryly. “It seems you were right earlier, apparently you can traumatize me after all, although maybe not in the way I expected.” She seems slightly disgruntled with herself. “I didn’t realize my feelings regarding this were so…delicate,” she huffs.

“I’m terrified too,” Rhea admits softly.

“Huh?”

“Of hurting you, of saying or doing the wrong thing. I feel so clueless and I loathe it.”

Edelgard gives her a long look before she breaks into quiet laughter. “We are hopeless.”

“Hmm.”

“Perhaps we’ve been overthinking this, and now this blasted magic is driving our ever rational minds into madness and we can’t find a balance between the two, leading to a stalemate.” Edelgard suggests.

“That’s a good way of seeing it,” Rhea agrees. To her surprise the idea that the opportunity to touch Edelgard is now gone brings forth such frustration and protest within her that she realizes she might have been feeling even more desire to touch Edelgard intimately than Rhea had previously thought.

She just really, _really_ wants to see Edelgard experience pleasure at her hands, really wants to help her to orgasm. At least that’s what her lust-clouded mind tells her.

Next to her Edelgard tugs at her sleeve.

Looking down at her lap she mutters. “I trust you.”

Rhea gives her a long look as the implications settle in her brain.

“You mean you… You’d still want…”

“I’ve trusted you before,” Edelgard explains, still not meeting her eyes. “Multiple times. And you’ve trusted me too. I think I should be able to handle it.”

Rhea smiles and kisses her forehead. “We, dear. We are able to handle it. I’m just as needlessly complicated as you.”

Edelgard gives her a smile so bright and genuine Rhea almost completely forgets about sex altogether momentarily and just really wants to hold her instead.

The white haired woman grabs Rhea’s hand and places it against her own cheek. “I really want you, Rhea.” Her voice turns lower and her eyes seem to darken. “As terrifying and exposing it is, I want you to see me like that,” she murmurs.

“I want you too, Edelgard.” Rhea says hoarsely. “It’s hard to think of anything else right now,” she admits, surprised by the lack of shame or guilt she feels admitting that.

Edelgard blushes fiercely before tentatively looking Rhea into her eyes.

“Will you keep me safe?” She asks fragile and hopeful. “Not just from this magic between us but also… just my feelings.”

“How?” Is all Rhea asks, too quickly to sound graceful, too eager to seem in control. “I want to, with all my heart, but tell me how.”

Edelgard gives her a shy look. “Uhm, truthfully I don’t really know how to… it’s new. Just… don’t leave me?”

“I was hardly planning on just getting up and leaving you halfway through, dear,” Rhea jokes.

Edelgard grumbles in annoyance and just turns even more red. “No, ugh Rhea that’s not what I mean, you know that. I… I don’t want to be left alone with myself, _inside_ myself. I can never stop thinking and I’m afraid I’ll get trapped in my thoughts and lose myself to fears and worries. I…I need you to keep me present.”

“You… you want me to talk to you?”

“Something like that, yes,” Edelgard murmurs embarrassedly. She sits up straighter and dangles one leg over Rhea’s thigh. “I might need your touch to ground me from this magic but I need your words to keep me grounded from… from uh, pleasure. I need the distraction in order to not be overwhelmed, at least in the beginning, until I’m comfortable with the way you’re making me feel,” she says timidly, as if she’s scared she’s asking too much.

Rhea loses herself in thought for a moment. How would that work? If Edelgard is worried about being embarrassing she’s going to be relieved when she finds out how embarrassed Rhea is at even mentioning the subject of sex directly. Absentmindedly she glances over at the girl and her eyes trace over her body, her neck her breasts, both her Crests still shimmering underneath her fabric.

Her eyes focus on the Crest of Flames, possibly for the first time since she saw it, and promptly she recalls the origin of its name.

“I’m sorry,” Edelgard says abruptly. “It’s really weird, I know. I can’t ever do things the normal way… I shouldn’t have…”

“Edelgard, no. Wait.” Rhea interrupts. She brings her lips close to Edelgard’s ear. “Let me try to give you what need,” she whispers into her ear and feels pleased when she sees the shiver running through Edelgard.

She turns slightly so she can face Edelgard better and moves her hand to each of the girl’s shoulders. From there she lets her hands roam her upper chest, her touches never anything more than light brushes. One hand comes to rest on her collarbone where her fingers gently draw circles, while she lets a single finger of the other slide towards the middle of her chest until it comes to rest on the red glow of the Crest of Flames.

She feels a wave of relief wash over when the contact makes her feel nothing but the warmth of the light emanating from Edelgard’s skin.

“Tell me,” she murmurs, face still close to Edelgard’s ear. “Have you ever heard of the Fire King?” 

Edelgard shakes her head. “No, I haven’t,” she says with an unfocused voice, eyes trained on the way Rhea’s hand moves frustratingly close to her breast, yet simply traces invisible patterns around it.

“Hmm. I suppose that was to be expected, the story is incredibly old, older than the foundation of Adrestia. If there ever was a written record I’m confident it’s been long lost to time.” Rhea explains, unable to keep the slightest hint of nostalgia, of a longing for a past long gone, from her voice.

Edelgard regains a little focus, pleasure or not the cogs in her head begin to spin when she notices the hole in Rhea’s explanation. “Exactly _how_ do you know this story then? If the records have been long lost to time?” she asks with as much suspicion as gentle amusement at catching Rhea in another slip-up.

Rhea stiffens slightly but instantly relaxes when she sees the soft and light-hearted look on Edelgard’s face. She just wanted to make it known she found yet another thing about Rhea that doesn’t add up but is perfectly fine with letting it go this time.

“Hearsay,” Rhea explains with utmost conviction, yet the smile on her lips give away she’s merely playing along.

“Hmm, you seem to hearing a lot of unfamiliar and strange stories, don’t you, my Archbishop?”

“You might find it odd, but consider that such a thing is actually an important part of my duty as Archbishop,” Rhea points out almost playfully.

She receives a quiet laugh.

Not being unable to stop herself, she smiles as well. Yet she doesn’t let Edelgard linger in her laughter long.

Without warning she brushes the palm of her hand over Edelgard’s nipple and the girl immediately breaks out of laughter as her eyes widen with just a hint of fear, as her body tenses.

She’s really sensitive, Rhea realizes, in both her body and feelings.

“Shhh,” she mumbles soothingly as she places her hand to the side of Edelgard’s breast again. “I’ll take it slow, if I still go to fast you can always tell me to slow down.”

Frightful eyes search for her own and there Edelgard finds there the reassurance she needs.

Carefully she nods and her features relax again

Ensuring her touches are slightly lighter -but not less innocent- again, Rhea continues brushing Edelgard’s skin with her fingers, one hand still circling her breast, the other stroking her stomach until the younger woman seems to be pacified under her ministrations.

She picks up where she left. “For a long time I thought that the Fire King was where you got the title of Flame Emperor from, but I can now see your reasoning wasn’t as far fetched and symbolic as I’d assumed.” She gently taps the Crest of Flames a few times with her finger for emphasis.

Rhea moves her hand from the orange Crest to circle Edelgard’s other breast and moves her hand in tandem with the, slightly increasing the pressure in both her hands as inches closer.

Edelgard’s breathing becomes labored and her voice wavers as she struggles to speak. “Why would you think I would take the title from this Fire King? What did he do?” she asks.

“ _She,”_ Rhea corrects. “And what you did reminded me of her.”

“The King was a woman? But... how? I mean I’m not one to speak of course –ah- b-but it’s unheard of, even more so for a king.”

“Hmm, it’s not that complicated. You see, the story is very _very_ old. The Goddess had only just descended upon Fodlan and the social structures of the people were still fairly simple, they only had one word for the highest ruler –King- no matter the gender.”

She finally properly touches Edelgard’s breasts, ghosting the fingers of both her hands over them and pressing down her palm lightly once she reaches the middle. Edelgard arches her back and gasps. This time instead of being frightened she closes her eyes and breathes out a shaky breath as she wills her body to lean into Rhea’s touch.

Rhea presses a kiss to her forehead. “That’s it,” she says softly.

Edelgard’s eyes flutter open to look at Rhea with annoyance but the expression immediately vanishes from her face as Rhea gently kneads both her breasts. Instead her eyes grow unfocused and she gives Rhea a weak smile.

Pleased at her placidity, Rhea continues, with her story as well as fondling Edelgard’s breasts.

“These early tribal societies didn’t have much knowledge of heritages and bloodlines, and so it didn’t hold very much importance for them either. A King was chosen for their skills and talents instead,”

“Not for their actions?” Edelgard questions and Rhea is surprised at the remaining focus and clarity in her voice.

Determined to distract her at least a little she increases her efforts, alternating between kneading both of her breasts and letting her fingers slide from the base of her breasts all the way to her nipples where she plays with them, twirling her fingers around both nipples and gently twisting them, before moving her fingers back to the base again, only to repeat the motion over from start to finish.

Edelgard tries to restrain a moan as her eyes widen and she squirms under Rhea’s fingers. Her hand reaches clumsily for the fabric around Rhea’s chest and desperately latches onto it with feverish fingers.

She gives Rhea a helpless look, unable to resist Rhea’s gentle assault on her breasts.

Rhea smiles at her, or rather at her reaction to her touches, and gleefully ignores her helplessness in favor of continuing her story.

“In that time a king ruled by making decisions, not by being on the battlefield, if kings died all the time their kingdom would become too unstable. So actions were a huge risk.”

She increases the pressure she’s applying and her touches turn slightly rough. Edelgard’s breathing gets heavy and labored as wide eyes stare at Rhea, hanging onto her words like a lifeline as to not to drown.

Rhea finds a newfound pleasure in the slow, almost absentminded way she’s touching Edelgard, distracting her with her words as Rhea helps her ease into the pleasure.

Soon she's fully kneading both of Edelgard's breasts, almost massaging them as she helps all the tension in them release. When she digs in her fingers into the soft flesh particularly hard Edelgard fails to restrain herself from moaning deeply and the sound travels through Rhea, leaving a hot trail inside her all the way to her core.

She needs a moment to gather herself before she can continue. “This King in particular was chosen for her quick wit and fierce determination she started showing from an early age. Her undeveloped skills showed promise that she could one day dutifully and flexibly rule her people. And when she grew old enough and took the throne, that she did, and for many years.”

At this point Edelgard is panting and struggling to keep her breathing steady while unable to stop soft sounds escaping her lips whenever Rhea touches her in a way she particularly likes. Her eyes are losing focus and she clutches the fabric of Rhea’s dress so tightly her knuckles are turning white.

“I’m sure you see the parallel between her personality and yours already, but that was not why I said I you reminded me of her,” Rhea calmly tells the squirming and panting girl. She wonders if Edelgard even heard it.

Feeling how the girl is already trembling with so little stimulation, Rhea takes pity and moves one hand to the back of Edelgard’s head and massages the tense muscles there.

In response the woman sighs deeply and slides her legs over Rhea’s own, hooking both her ankles on the other side of Rhea’s legs and pulling them in so she can get herself closer as she leans her head now fully on Rhea’s shoulder.

“So why do I remind you of her then?” she asks weakly, distracted by Rhea’s hands.

Rhea smiles, secretly pleased Edelgard did hear her words.

“In a way you are as much her opposite as you are her parallel, though in the end your final decision was vastly different.” She places a soft kiss on Edelgard’s lips and feels a spark of pleasure when Edelgard responds hungrily and without care for propriety. She returns the kiss with equal ferocity, letting them both indulge in the sensation, before breaking away with some effort.

Edelgard lets out a soft frustrated sound and even Rhea has to use some self-restrain to now claim her lips again instantly.

“I can’t tell you the story like that, dear.” She says between deep breaths.

Edelgard growls quietly.

“You asked me to talk, and now you’re going to listen to what I have to say,” Rhea all but orders her sternly, yet with a hint of satisfaction in her voice.

It’s kind of erotic making Edelgard wait so patiently, Rhea thinks to herself as her own skin feels sensitive when touched and she feels a building heat in her core.

“Fine, your story caught my interest anyway.” Edelgard scoffs. “Just don’t stop touching me,” she adds weakly.

When Rhea continues her ministrations on Edelgard's breasts- bringing the hand against her neck back to join her other in playing with Edelgard's breasts- the woman immediately softens and loses focus once more as her eyes glaze over and she absentmindedly fumbles with the fistful of Rhea’s robes she’s clutching.

“Well, the King and her people,” Rhea continues, ignoring Edelgard’s gasps. “Knew naught of Gods and Divinity. Lightning mesmerized them as much as fire did and they had not yet began to master magic either.”

She becomes aware that Edelgard’s legs –and more importantly, her _thighs-_ are now within reach of her hands as the girl has helpfully draped them over Rhea’s legs earlier. She softly places her fingers on one of the girls’ inner thighs and begins to draw slow patterns, eliciting a pleasing murmur from Edelgard.

Complying with Edelgard’s need to hear her story she picks up where she left. “The King and her followers heard of the recent descent of Sothis on earth from other tribes. ‘A great force of fire’ they described her. ‘Capable of both creation and destruction unfathomable for humankind, yet graceful and understanding of their mortality.”

She lets her fingers innocently play around Edelgard’s thighs a moment longer before she moves both of her hands to either thigh of Edelgard- as close to the inner sides of them as she can get- and gently digs her fingers into the fabric covering the soft skin there. Soon she’s alternating between grabbing, kneading, prodding and tracing her fingers along delicate skin. A tremor courses through Edelgard’s body and she clutches the fabric in her hand with desperation.

To help Edelgard ease into her touching Rhea distracts her with her words once more. “The information of the tribe was limited, they didn’t know if Sothis was a person, a force of nature or even a monster from the stars.” Rhea quiets for a moment. “At the time she might been all of those together, for it took her some time to learn to shape herself in such a way she could connect to humanity.”

Edelgard is gazing at her and seems to be listening intently, yet Rhea’s continuous gentle assault on her upper thighs is mercilessly effective in distracting her so when Rhea pauses Edelgard immediately loses focus and melts into the sensations again.

“Feels good,” she mutters faintly against Rhea’s shoulder, her eyes lidded and unfocused.

“You can tell me what you want me to do, Edelgard. Tell me if something feels good or not good and I’ll follow your wishes.” Rhea tells her softly, gently nudging the girl’s cheek with her nose.

“I…I will,” Edelgard says, smiling weakly. “But for now just do what you want to, I…I like it this way.”

“Hmm I’m glad.”

She picks up where she left, both in playing with Edelgard’s thighs and in the story. “Regardless, the King had no concept of a ‘God’ other than that it supposedly possessed incredibly force and control over life and couldn’t picture what such a holy force would seem like.” Rhea speaks calmly, all the while not stopping her ministrations on Edelgard, who is slightly squirming and panting under her touch. “Then one day a great fire broke out “Far away enough from the tribe’s village that they were safe from it, but close enough that they could see the smoke rising high into the sky.”

Rhea looks at Edelgard, who –with her reddened face, hazy expression and soft panting- looks to be very turned on, albeit utterly relaxed as well.

She gives the girls thigh’s a few good squeezes and rides the fingers of one hand just high enough that the implications of where she wants to go is clear. Edelgard gasps loudly and her body stiffens, her expression turns almost startled and with a slightly guilty look Rhea realizes she forgot to distract her from herself.

She quickly moves her fingers to slightly lower places and treats Edelgard to softer, more controlled touches, at which the girl relaxes, a soft sigh escapes the younger woman’s lips.

Rhea smiles and continues her ministrations, increasing them ever so slightly in a pace Edelgard hopefully won’t notice, and begins speaking once more. “The king was mesmerized by the great fire, for she had never before seen such a powerful and destructive force, yet it was also warm and seemed so _alive._ It had to be the Sothis they spoke of, the King concluded. Or at least a part of it.”

Edelgard looks at her, through lidded eyes and slowly panting, with a curious expression, seemingly genuinely interested in Rhea’s story despite the physical distractions. It’s oddly touching to Rhea somehow.

Taking it as a sign, Rhea continues. “The King was enthralled by the fire. ‘The Great Light’ she called it and soon developed an obsession to understand it, to get closer to the first thing she considered Divine.”

Despite Rhea having not slowed down her kneading and of massaging Edelgard’s thighs, she now looks utterly content, leaning against Rhea’s shoulders and playfully fumbling with the fabric of Rhea’s robes she has bunched in her fist as she looks hazily at Rhea, waiting for her to continue. After giving a small smile to the white haired woman, Rhea continues. “She send the strongest of her soldiers, the brightest of her inventors but they all came back burned, singed and admitting defeat. They begged for her understanding and mercy, for the Great Light was too powerful for a human to comprehend. But in her deep need for understanding she dismissed them and went to see for herself.”

This time when Rhea rides up her fingers along Edelgard’s thigh the girl doesn’t stiffen. Instead she puts her head against the front of Rhea’s shoulder to rest and lets her free hand rest on Rhea’s thigh instead. Rhea keeps her fingers there, just high enough that Edelgard knows where she wants to go, and gently strokes and brushes the sensitive skin with her fingers, causing Edelgard to gasp audibly and sigh in contentment.

Before the sensations can become too much for Edelgard, Rhea distracts her again. “When she got close, close enough to feel the heat hurt her body, she concluded that this must be the God the people had been speaking of, and so her obsession turned into belief. Something changed deep within her, be it madness or clarity she experienced, she came to a conclusion.”

Edelgard’s breath hitches in her throat when Rhea’s fingers get dangerously high, feeling Edelgard’s undergarments through her dress, but she doesn’t do anything to resist, opting to glance at Rhea as she seeks reassurance and when she finds it she lets out a soft mewl in contentment before closing her eyes again and huddling contently into Rhea’s side.

It’s almost a struggle for Rhea to continue the tale at this point, the sight of Edelgard slowly easing into her touch is mesmerizing and simply looking at the relaxed girl makes her feel so good. Still, she continues. “The King yelled to her troops, ‘Her Majesty's hour at last has drawn nigh!” and she ordered them to gather her children, her family and her friends.”

Rhea momentarily stills her advantage, opting to draw slow circles with her hand as she enjoys the sounds of the slow breathing and content sighs from the younger woman, in favor of her tale.

She soon finds her will to finish the tale begin to crumble as she feels the desire to focus wholly on pleasing Edelgard becoming the dominating drive in her body. Pushing that sensation down somewhat to uphold her promise she manages to continue with some effort.

“When they arrived she ushered them close and spoke in words worthy of a King. “I’m afraid you all have been somewhat deceived… For you called me a great Mother or a great King. Yet it seems neither of those are me…” Inconspicuously Rhea dips her fingers in between Edelgard’s thighs and moves them up just high enough so they lightly brush over the fabric covering her mound and then stills them there. Edelgard closes her eyes and gasps softly as a light tremor runs through her spine and she tenses up slightly. Breathing out slowly, she relaxes, seemingly having adjusted to the presence of Rhea’s fingers pressing slightly against her so intimately.

“The King spoke to her people,” Rhea continues, “She said ‘For the truth is, your Mother is the Light and Life within all that you see, and just as our lives and deaths are as one, so must each of us and our Mother become.”

Rather suddenly and perhaps a little too impatiently Rhea brushes her fingers up and down over the fabric preventing her from truly touching the younger woman. But she can feel Edelgard’s folds through it with ease and slides her fingers slightly in between them as she keeps stroking.

Edelgard managed to let it happen for a few seconds at most before her knees jolt up as she squirms feverishly. “R-Rhea!” she gasps breathlessly. Her hand skitters over Rhea’s leg in a frantic search for purchase and she presses herself tightly against Rhea’s chest as she trembles weakly.

Rhea’s unoccupied hand finds its way to Edelgard’s one which is holding tensely onto the Archbishop’s robe. She grasps her hand gently and turns it over before tenderly intertwining their fingers.

She brings both hands to her own pelvis and lets them rest there as she gently strokes and curls her fingers against Edelgard’s own and draws soft circles on her skin with her thumb.

She squeezes their hands together. “Focus on this hand,” she murmurs against white hair. “You’re doing so well,” she says and places a soft kiss on her hair. “Remember, I’ve got you.” She can’t get the tenderness and desire to care for the girl out of her voice, but truthfully she doesn’t care. She wants Edelgard to know how good it feels to have her at her mercy like this -so fragile yet willing- while Rhea gives her the care she needs.

“I know.” Edelgard nods against her. “The magic is still so overwhelming Rhea,” she says softly, her voice wavering and her breathing unsteady. “I can feel it everywhere, I can feel your heartbeat inside me whenever you touch me too much.”

“Is it too much?”

“No…no keep going. Let me be overwhelmed, if you’re here with me I can take it,” Edelgard mutters, a hint of determination and even desire in her voice.

Rhea feels adoration swell in her chest. “Very well, my dear.”

“Mhm,” is all Edelgard can muster, leaning into Rhea and letting herself melt into their shared contact.

Gently, hopefully hardly noticeable, Rhea feather lightly brushes both fingers up and down against Edelgard’s core. Edelgard sucks in a breath and squeezes Rhea’s hand with hers but doesn’t show any signs of distress, which encourages Rhea to keep going.

“Do you want to hear the rest of the tale?” Rhea asks, not wanting to risk overwhelming Edelgard again.

“Yes,” the girl breathes out softly. “It… it helps.” With a tiny smile she adds, “And it’s also truly interesting.”

Rhea nods and picks up where she left off. “With a fierce glint in her eyes the King spoke. ‘Now distribute my scepter, my crown and my thrown and all I’ve ever known as wealth to the poor and alone…’ The people dear to her felt what was going to happen, and even her troops sensed it.”

She increases the pressure she’s applying to stroking Edelgard’s folds, pressing slightly deeper and when her fingers move all the way up she lightly teases the swollen nub.

Edelgard moans at the touch and shifts her side against Rhea, enjoying the friction it provides. “More,” she asks feverishly, her voice a mess of gasps and hitched breaths

Rhea’s no longer sure if Edelgard wants her continue talking or continue touching her so she opts for doing both at once.

She finds the girls clit again with ease and gently draws circles over and around it, careful to keep her touches soft and slow -maybe even predicable- so Edelgard can adjust to it. Edelgard moans at the contact and her thighs press tightly together, twitching momentarily while she squeezes them against each other before she manages to relax them once more, even spreading her legs slightly more open so Rhea has better access.

Rhea makes uses of the slightly more space she now has and makes her gentle strokes and circling motions slightly more intense- passionate.

Despite being clearly affected by Rhea's increased way of touching her Edelgard doesn't press her tights together. Instead she closes her eyes while she slightly arches her back and moans deeply, before making herself relax under the touch of Rhea's fingers again. 

When her panting turns into slightly labored breathing mingled with soft gasps as Rhea continuous to softly play with her clit, Rhea squeezes their hands once more and begins with the final stretch of the story.

“The King stood in front of the Great Light, the heat coming from it singeing her hair, and looked back for one moment, gazing at all she had ever hold dear. She sighed and abruptly faced the Great Light again”

Rhea’s finger touches a spot which seemingly feels especially good for Edelgard as her pelvis jerks slightly and she lets out a long content moan as she gives Rhea a weak, almost weary smile.

The Archbishop promptly forgets the tale and instead watches Edelgard with utmost attention.

She gently increases her ministrations, finding a rhythm that seems to match Edelgard’s needs. Her breathing turns into panting, her body is shifting on its own accord and the girl's hand in Rhea’s is fumbling with her fingers in an attempt to redirect the strong sensations boiling inside her.. She glances at Rhea from where her head is leaning against her shoulder with unfocused and lidded eyes and a deep blush covering her features.

Slowly she’s turning into a disheveled mess and Rhea doesn’t think she has ever seen anything more beautiful.

“C-continue, please,” Edelgard manages to choke out in between her panting. “I need to hear your voice.”

Rhea would have found this whole scenario somewhat amusing if it wasn’t for the way her senses were being flooded by tenderness and lust for Edelgard.

Dutifully, she continues “Then, without further hesitation and without looking back home  
The King rushed headlong into the blazing unknown.”

Edelgard looks at her with surprise, not expecting this turn of events, but still Rhea continues. “Out of the flames smoke curled higher and higher. The king’s troops circled the Great Light and said ‘Our Beloved is not dead, because Her Highness instead has been utterly changed into Fire,”

Edelgard attempts to speak but the way Rhea is now almost mercilessly playing with her clit makes it a struggle for her. “R-Rhea,” she pants. “Why would she… it was -ah- only a fire, Rhea.” She manages to get out. “She –ahn- she died for n-nothing,” she adds, sounding slightly upset.

The Archbishop momentarily slows down her ministrations, receiving a muffled protest from Edelgard.

She kisses the girl’s cheek. “You missed the point, my dear,” she murmurs against her cheek. “It might have been a simple fire for _us,_ but for her? She died for what she truly believed in, for her it was the Great Light, her first contact with something Divine. And that was _her_ truth.”

She kisses Edelgard again and leans slightly forward so she can look her in the eyes. “I don’t think it matters what the truth is, not anymore. I think it’s much more important that someone fights – or dies- for something they truly and utterly believe in. In the end, all that will remain is the truth.”

It is Rhea’s way of saying she understands –perhaps in a way even forgives- Edelgard’s rebellion against the Church and Rhea herself. Their truths might have been different –courtesy of the knowledge provided to them by external sources- but Edelgard truly and wholeheartedly fought and sacrificed herself for what she believed was right and Rhea cannot help but admire her for that- perhaps it’s even part of the reason why she has fallen in love with her.

She hopes Edelgard will notice her slightly convoluted way of expressing her understanding and forgiveness of Edelgard’s actions as the Emperor.

When she feels lips meet her own in a fierce kiss she thinks Edelgard might have understood her double meaning. She kisses her back with equal passion, moving her lips against Edelgard’s almost feverishly and finds herself wishing she could use her hands to steady the both of them and deepen their kiss.

Then she remembers where one of her hands is and is about to go for that kind of stimulation again when Edelgard abruptly breaks their kiss and glares at Rhea. “I’ve _always_ hated your Church,” she scoffs indignantly, yet sounding so breathlessly it doesn’t come across all that hateful. “Your doctrine too, your sickeningly sweet sermons, your equally sweet smiles and not in the least important, I truly hate all the religious pieces, jewelry, robes and dresses you hide your true self under,” she rants, her deep frustration dampened somewhat by her struggle to catch her breath.

Her expression shifts, the anger drops from her features and adoration takes its place in the form of a small smile, a blush and a gentle light in her eyes. “But that true self…” she mumbles, suddenly seeming shy. “I could never hate, not anymore.” Having finally caught her breath somewhat she presses her lips against Rhea’s forehead. “The real you is so wonderful,” she mumbles and moves to kiss her cheek, then her collarbone. “I adore the way you laugh,” she says shyly. “I love how you can be so ridiculously awkward yet also so magnificently graceful.”

Rhea finds herself unable to move, stunned by Edelgard’s abrupt change in emotions and the way her words of endearment for Rhea make her feel so deeply emotional. She suddenly feels the urge to cry.

Edelgard let’s go of Rhea’s hand so she can brush away the green hair covering Rhea’s ear and immediately presses a kiss slightly behind the base, causing Rhea to gasp softly. “I wish I had gotten to know you like this sooner,” she continues, now with a hint of sadness in her voice. Yet she doesn’t falter and starts pressing kisses along Rhea’s ear, higher and higher. “I wish I had known back then I could have reached out to you when I needed to,” she mutters softly, the pain in her voice mourning an opportunity now long lost in the chaos and turmoil of the past.

“Edelgard, I.. I’m-” Rhea tries, but before she can put her feelings into words Edelgard interrupts her.

“No, don’t. What’s done is done. I choose my path like the King in your story choose hers. I truly believed, and that was what was important at the time,” she says calmly and resigned, having long accepted her fate.

She sighs and with that her temporary sadness leaves her as well.

Rhea suddenly feels lips dangerously close to her ear and she shivers. “I’m just so happy that in the final stretch of my fractured life I got to truly know you, for you’ve given me so much more than you can imagine.”

Abruptly she shifts her head slightly and gently, almost playfully, bites down on the tip of Rhea’s ear.

Both startled and aroused by the sensation Rhea inadvertently makes a high pitched noise.

Instantly the fire between them is back. Rhea uses her now free hand to grasp Edelgard’s throat and forces her to face Rhea. She’s met with a devilish smirk and eyes full of life. “You mischievous little thing,” she drawls, yet feels equally playful, if not a tad ferocious.

Edelgard simply laughs, laughs _at_ her.

Oh, that won’t do.

She lightly tightens her grip on the woman’s throat and flashes her a malicious smile. “Don’t get cocky now, or you might find yourself in a situation that will surely overwhelm you,” she says, sounding slightly threatening.

Edelgard gives her another smirk and brings her face close. “Dear Archbishop,” she starts and Rhea balks at how condescending her voice sounds. Edelgard’s grin only widens.

“You’ve distracted me enough now.”

Rhea’s brain is so full of conflicting thoughts and feelings it takes her a moment to get what Edelgard means.

And more importantly, what Edelgard wants.

It takes her less than a moment to find that she really wants to comply with what she wants.

Her fingers which were still resting against Edelgard’s clit had completely stilled, but now they quickly find their way back to the pace she was touching Edelgard at earlier.

The girl’s body jerks and she gasps audibly at the unexpected intense sensations yet she doesn’t object at all. For several moments she struggles to regain control over her body and let herself ease into the pleasure Rhea’s fingers bring her.

But Rhea can clearly tell when she manages to do so.

Something in Edelgard changes under her touch. Her body stops twitching and instead she voluntary presses herself against Rhea’s fingers, her frantic pants turn into deep breaths and soft moans and all of Edelgard seems to relax as she eases into the pleasure she feels.

The Archbishop finds that rhythm again which seemed to make Edelgard feel so good and then keeps herself to that pace, letting Edelgard enjoy herself. Which she is, if her soft sounds are anything to go by.

After a while the girl glances at Rhea, her eyes dark with lust and her mouth slightly open. With some effort she gives Rhea a tired smile. “You’re making me feel so good,” she mumbles blissfully.

“I’m glad, my dear,” Rhea manages to say despite her feelings threatening to choke her up. She let’s go of Edelgard’s throat and uses that hand to stroke against Edelgard’s folds again. She’s momentarily surprised she can feel the wetness through the fabric yet it only arouses her more and she can’t help to press deeper and harder in order to feel more of it.

Edelgard inhales slowly then closes her eyes and leans heavily against her, trembling and moaning as she lets herself be touched.

After some time Rhea feels Edelgard stir against her, turning her head so their eyes meet. Rhea breathes in heavily at the sight, her eyes are so full of want, so full of lust, it’s tantalizing.

“More,” Edelgard mumbles softly yet with a sense of urgency. “I need more.”

Rhea doesn’t hesitate, her need to deepen their touch meets Edelgard’s own. Without warning she grabs Edelgard’s sides, both her hands firmly placed on her rib cage and all but drags her on top of herself.

Edelgard is startled for just a moment before adjusting to the new position, letting her knees rest on both sides of Rhea’s thighs and placing her hand’s on Rhea’s shoulders.

Rhea’s hand moves to find Edelgard’s core again but as her fingers press down on the fabric of her dress a hand tightens itself around her wrist.

“No,” Edelgard breathes. “Under. I want you under my clothes.”

Despite the spark of pleasure Rhea feels at hearing her words she can’t help but worry. “Are you sure? I uhm… I don’t want to force you to expose your scars.” She explains as delicate as you can.

Edelgard merely sighs. “They’ve ruled my life enough as it is. Besides, it would only be my upper legs and that’s hardly the worst of it.”

She yanks up her dress up to her waist almost carelessly and presses Rhea’s hand against herself impatiently. Rhea doesn’t have enough capacity left in her brain to so much as glance at Edelgard’s exposed thighs to look for scars, instead her mind is wholly occupied by how her fingers meet the fabric of Edelgard’s underwear. But just as she shifts them against it Edelgard tightens her grip around Rhea’s wrist.

“Under,” she all but demands.

Rhea swallows hard and nods in compliance. Her fingers fumble almost awkwardly with the edge of the garment and she realizes just how nervous she is. The thought annoys her deeply, for this kind of clumsiness is wholly unbecoming for the holy Archbishop.

…Then again _maybe_ everything else she is doing right now could be considered just as unbecoming. The thought wipes away her annoyance, for one more sin surely doesn’t matter in the ocean of sins she’s currently drowning herself in.

With newfound courage and just a hint of impatient frustration her fingers find the edges of Edelgard’s underwear and she drags it down in one smooth motion, causing Edelgard's breath to hitch in her throat.

She trembles but Rhea doesn’t give her any respite and instantly her hand finds her core, pressing down against the length of it. Her palm shifting against Edelgard’s clit and her fingers sliding ever so slightly against her folds.

She’s… _so_ wet, Rhea thinks to herself. It’s honestly all she can focus on as her mind goes hazy. It’s evidence of how turned on Edelgard is and with a rush of impatience Rhea feels the need to make her more wet, to feel more of it and turn her on even more.

The girl on top of her froze when Rhea’s hand fully touched her but shortly after she sighs deeply in satisfaction and pushes herself more against Rhea’s hand. Her own hands come to rest on Rhea’s shoulders again and she presses her forehead against Rhea’s own.

“I want you so badly, Rhea,” she whispers longingly.

There is very little left of the fragile girl threatening to drown in an overwhelming feeling she couldn’t fight. The connection between them has receded to a pleasant murmur and instead of it ruling her, Edelgard now subjugates it, letting it parallel her physical stimulation and thereby using it to amplify her pleasure as a whole. The magic still tugs and pulls at them but Edelgard now reigns over it with ease.

Despite Edelgard’s words and clear need Rhea mercilessly denies her what she wants. She covertly traces the magic in Edelgard’s blood to aid her in sensing exactly where Edelgard enjoys being touched the most, teasing and stroking and pressing there with utmost precision. But never long enough, never hard enough and certainly never consistently enough to ensure any pleasure Edelgard feels can build.

Even though Rhea is not at all complying, Edelgard doesn’t show a sign of impatience or frustration whatsoever. Instead it renders her to a weak pile of mewls and pants as her fingers tremble and her body shivers, clearly enjoying the sparks of pleasure she does feel, breathing heavily and letting out occasional soft moans in satisfaction when Rhea does hit a spot.

It takes her a while, or perhaps she knew all along and simply didn’t mind, but eventually she catches on to what Rhea is doing, what she is denying her.

“Rhea, you’re so cruel,” she murmurs breathlessly, a weak smile on her face and affection in her voice.

“That’s true,” Rhea admits without a hint of guilt and momentarily lets the tips of her fingers dip down slightly into where Edelgard wants most it to emphasize her crime.

“You’re _torturing_ me,” Edelgard accuses her of, sounding so tender it’s apparent that instead of fighting it she has submissively resigned herself to enjoy having her fate rest in Rhea’s hands.

“Yes, I am.” Rhea tells her with a small smile. “And it’s wholly your own fault,” she chides her. At Edelgard’s slightly offended look she continues. “If it weren’t for your reactions - so needy and eager- I might have given you what you truly wanted by now.” She sighs in faux sadness. “But alas, now I’m find myself enjoying toying with you like this too much, so you’ll just have to endure it.”

To her surprise her words don’t frustrate or upset Edelgard in the slightest, instead she seems happy, even delighted. “I’m glad then,” she mumbles, jerking slightly as Rhea’s fingers stroke yet another of her weak spots. “That you take pleasure in touching me.”

She presses her lips against Rhea's own and kisses her softly. “ Toy with me then. Do with me as you please, if you’re enjoying it I want nothing else,” she says lovingly as she breaks away.

Intentional or not, they’re somehow exactly the words that break Rhea’s resolve to keep on mercilessly torturing her.

“Edelgard,” she murmurs hazily, her voice a low growl. “I thought I could frustrate you, that I could make you so desperately impatient that you’d beg me,” she admits. “But you just won’t relent and now instead it’s _me_ who lost her patience,” she says in defeat, laughing mirthfully at her own failure.

Edelgard gives her a sly smile. “Even when I don’t know you’re playing a game against me I win,” she teases.

“Hmm,” Rhea utters. “Yes, you win.”

She presses her fingers deliberately against Edelgard’s entrance. “I want to take you so badly,” she tells her with need woven thickly in her voice. “Can I?”

Slightly taken aback by the sudden desire in Rhea’s words and actions Edelgard blushes shyly.

“Y-yes,” she rasps. “Please, I want to feel you… too.”

“Good,” Rhea murmurs as her mind turns hazy with lust. “You’ve never done this before,” she states, having forced herself to remain cohesive enough to recall that. “So I’ll be gentle.”

Edelgard shakes her head. “No, don’t be,” she insists almost fiercely. “I don’t _deserve_ gentle. I don’t _want_ gentle,” she says, her ever rebellious self surfacing even in a moment such as this.

“Very well,” Rhea responds, yet when she slides her fingers in it’s still with her own kind of gentleness, as she refuses to fall for Edelgard’s relentless need to rush head on into everything. She hardly needs to be gentle however, as the other woman is so wet, so ready, that her fingers meet no resistance at all as she slides two in at once, going almost as deep as they can go from this angle.

Even Edelgard doesn’t frightened by the new sensation, instead she arches her back, pushing Rhea’s fingers into herself even more and moans deeply in satisfaction as she wholly lets herself enjoy the feeling of Rhea’s fingers inside her.

Rhea momentarily loses the ability to think at the sight. “You’re so beautiful,” she says impulsively, too in awe to control her feelings.

Edelgard gives her a weak smile, brushing her cheek lightly with her fingertips before resting her hand on Rhea’s shoulder to steady herself.

Edelgard would make it poetic, Rhea thinks to herself.

In fact, when she glances at the girls face she notices her are so unfocused she might as well be making it poetic in her head at this very moment.

And Rhea thinks she could possibly make something poetic out of this. Later, when her mind isn’t clouded with lust that turn any thoughts she’s having into something…dirty. Something unworthy to describe Edelgard with right now, at least.

At least she managed to tell her she’s beautiful, Rhea comforts herself with.

She feels Edelgard stir on top of her. “Move, please,” the girl asks her, finally sounding somewhat impatient, if still thoroughly enjoying feeling Rhea’s fingers pressing inside her.

Rhea swallows and complies without further teasing.

She _tries_ to be gentle -if only in the beginning- but Edelgard so willingly welcomes the pleasure, grinding her own hips back to meet her touch, Rhea makes her feel her it’s simply impossible. Even with their Crest’s connection now fully under control she can still use it to feel exactly where Edelgard needs her fingers the most, the magic under her skin flaring up alongside the physical pleasure Edelgard feels. Rhea uses it to thrust and curl and twist her fingers exactly into the spots inside Edelgard that ache the most and it doesn’t take long before Edelgard starts to lose her composure along with her rebellious side.

"So good," she squirms as a tremor ruins through her body. "So good."

Quickly Edelgard is reduced to a weak that which can only beg for more in between frantic moans as Rhea robs her of her precious dignity. But she doesn’t seem to care about her usual fierceness and self-control at all for the time being. Her hips meet the rhythmic pumping of Rhea’s fingers with ferocity and she digs her nails roughly into the skin of her shoulders as her pleasure builds.

She lasts longer than Rhea thought she would, even when she alternates between short and hard thrusting and more deep, long and sensual motions. Rhea loves it, loves how long she can take it, how hard she can, how she lets herself come apart for Rhea without shame and how she gets so _incredibly_ wet while doing so.

Eventually though she does reach her breaking point, choking on a sob as she frantically buries her head into Rhea’s neck, teeth grazing her throat impulsively.

“Don’t stop,” she begs, her voice high and cracking. “I’m so close.”

“I won’t my dear.” Rhea assures her as she caresses her skin with one hand while keeping up her thrusts with the other, stuck somewhere in-between tantalizing lust and adoration. She still has half a mind to tactfully undo the connection between their Crests, gently untangling their magic and reducing what had once so much power over them to but a sliver of weak presence. Overcome with pleasure which is wholly the result of her body, of her physical sensations, Edelgard doesn’t even notice it.

“You can let go,” Rhea tells the other woman as she feels her walls begin to convulse around her fingers, letting her know Edelgard is about to come. She so badly wants to give Edelgard her release and be there to see it, be the one to have _done_ it. Fueled by desire she thrusts into her the last few times without the aid of magic but still Rhea easily helps her over the edge.

Edelgard comes with a loud cry that vaguely resembles Rhea’s name and her body slumps into Rhea’s chest. She falls into a deep orgasm as wave after wave of pleasure courses through her body, shuddering against Rhea’s chest. Unable to keep summoning her Crests in her ecstasy, Rhea feels Edelgard’s magic flicker and diminish. She severs what little remained of their connection and she’s sure that it’s only her who feels the tug of loss, of loneliness in her body, as Edelgard is still moaning and panting against her as her orgasm floods her senses.

Rhea tightens her hold on the girl instinctively, now with a hint of desperation to somehow remain connected as she helps Edelgard ride out her orgasm with slow and deep thrusts. She knows it’s how it should be but she can’t help but feel a chill in her bones, somehow feeling so cold even though Edelgard’s warmth is practically everywhere.

Slowly Edelgard comes back to her senses as Rhea gradually reduces her thrusts into nothing before stilling completely. Rhea somehow manages to pull herself back together, she purges the odd desire to cry and shakes the feeling of loneliness when she feels Edelgard smile against her throat.

“I don’t know which of us won this fight,” she mutters breathlessly against Rhea’s skin, the grin on her lips evident in her voice.

“A draw?” Rhea suggests, smiling at Edelgard’s words.

“A draw.” The other woman agrees. Still a little shaky she pulls her head back and looks at Rhea. “I can’t think clearly,” she says, sounding slightly giddy. “I feel so… so content,” she says, still giddy and with a sense of bewildered wonder.

Rhea chokes on a laugh, amused at Edelgard’s almost mesmerized reaction at her newfound experience with the pleasant lightheadedness and dopamine rush that comes after sexual release.

“What?” Edelgard scoffs when she notices Rhea’s failure to keep in her laughter.

“Nothing,” she assures. Before Edelgard can question her further she smoothly removes her fingers, causing Edelgard to yelp as her insides are oversensitive.

She instinctively looks down and when she does she notices the lack of the glow of her Crests. “Oh...” she says quietly, yet surprised. “You severed the connection…I didn’t feel a thing.”

“Because you were too busy feeling other things,” Rhea points out not so delicately.

Edelgard makes a noise of indignant embarrassment and flusters instantly.

“Oh hush, don’t make a point of it.” Rhea tells her sternly. “That _was_ the goal, wasn’t it? I told you I could sever it without pain if you were fully grounded in physical sensations.” She flashes her a sly grin. “And that I did.”

Edelgard scoffs and makes a noise in protest yet seemingly relents as she softens somewhat.

“Thank you,” she says with a hint of tenderness. “For keeping me safe.”

Rhea wraps both arms around her waist and kisses her forehead. “Don’t thank me, it was my fault after all.” Hesitatingly, as she feels oddly vulnerable, she softly adds, “And I really wanted to touch you like this.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen slightly in surprise before her usual wits return to her and she breaks into a grin.

“Good,” she says almost haughtily. Playfully she taps Rhea’s chest. “Because now it’s _your_ turn.”

“W-what?” Rhea stammers, taken aback. “I… what? No, that’s not…I mean,” she prattles on uselessly.

Edelgard smile falters and her brows furrow. “You don’t want me to?” she asks curious but gentle.

Rhea’s first instinctive reaction is a very unanimous _no,_ because that’s terrifying and personal. She catches herself when she realizes how she just put Edelgard through exactly the same experiences and she seemed to enjoy it a lot.

So why couldn’t Rhea?

“No, that’s not it,” she tries to explain. “It’s just… I.. I don’t know, I feel things a-and I don’t always know how to make sense of them… and I-”

“You’re scared,” Edelgard easily guesses as she interrupts Rhea’s stuttering rant.

“…Yes,” Rhea admits weakly.

“You understand my struggle to feel empathy for your plight after what you just did to _me,_ right? _”_ Edelgard tells her, irony dripping from her voice.

“…Yes. I do, yes.” The girl makes a valid point, and it’s not as Rhea’s body isn’t all but begging her to let herself be touched as well.

The woman on top of her softens. “We don’t have to, of course,” she assures Rhea in a gentle voice.

Something in Rhea protests loudly and suddenly she feels angry with herself.

Before she can think she grabs Edelgard’s wrist and squeezes it. “You’ll have to do _exactly_ what I say,” she warns her sternly.

Edelgard looks at her with confusion before she comprehends Rhea’s words. Her eyes gleam and she grins as she nods. “Of course, your majesty,” she says with such convincing devotion it makes Rhea shudder. “Your wish is my command.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Me psyching myself up and gathering courage to write the damn sex chapter*  
> "It's gonna be easy peasy! You already have the structure in your head, all you have to do is put it in words, it'll be done in no time!"  
> *Me, 23754 words (23k), three (3) different types of foreplay, two (2) newly and wholly unrealistic acquired kinks and the selling of my one (1) precious soul later*  
> "Yeah, fuck me. Am I right fellas?"
> 
> Also, only HALFWAY there.
> 
> ...t'all was super important for the overarching plot, I swear.


	10. In my worship of you, I think I’ll be sinning all the same.

She’s so uncontrollably and irrepressibly _nervous, Rhea_ thinks to herself with gnawing frustration.

It makes no sense, she has this before.

Alright, it might have been quite some time since she _last_ did it, as balancing a sex life while being the public figurehead of the Church while under an oath of celibacy wasn't really something she wanted to give a try. But still, it’s not as if one would suddenly forget how or what to do. …Or what to feel.

Still, every time she thinks of it, pictures what is to come, her feelings of nervousness transform straight into fear. A fear to flee, no less. She has half a mind to somehow still get out of this, to come up with a lame excuse about ‘how she’s kind of tired’ or ‘my apologies, a lot of time has passed and I have more pressing urges to attend to’.

It would be shameful and Rhea doesn’t think she can deal with feeling her heart break if she were to tell Edelgard such a blatant lie in order to get away. Undoubtedly she would have to watch the girl hide her hurt and disappointment while telling Rhea ‘It’s alright’ and ‘I understand’ as she’d be struggling to make her smile seem genuine.

No, Rhea cannot flee in shame. She will _not_ stand for succumbing to such weakness. She’s not this much of a coward. Not to mention she’s been completely ignoring every other emotion she’s feeling underneath all that fear, and those emotions very much _want_ whatever is going to happen.

Most of her wants to feel Edelgard _very much._

Yet still she’s not doing anything to cause that to happen.

She realizes that for some time now she’s been simply holding Edelgard on top of her with one hand while the other one is now nonsensically plucking at the bed sheets.

Annoyed with herself and all her conflicting feelings she sighs deeply, although it comes out more like a stifled, frustrated groan.

Edelgard notices the noise of course –Edelgard notices everything, especially when it comes to Rhea these days. The girl hoists herself up with practiced ease and carefully places her arms across Rhea’s chest before letting her chin rest on her wrists crossing Rhea’s chest in the middle.

A gentle smile is on her lips and the gentleness is even more evident in her eyes. “You’re really quite nervous aren’t you?” she asks Rhea sincerely and without mockery or amusement. “That can’t be pleasant,” she says, reaching forward and softly kissing Rhea’s forehead in reassurance. “I meant it when I said we don’t have to,” she adds with her tone as light as the understanding smile on her lips.

Before Rhea can find the words she needs to explain to Edelgard what she’s feeling (Hopefully somehow without being overwhelmed and choking up by said feelings) something happens inside Rhea. Her eyes meet Edelgard’s and the emotions she finds dwelling inside there somehow reach out to Rhea. Although not all of Rhea -instead it’s as if Edelgard’s eyes easily stare right through Rhea’s mind, her ability to think, to reflect and her entire physical body, only stopping when they establish a direct link with the searing, pulsing heat in Rhea’s core.

It’s reassuring in a way, that Edelgard is seemingly so at ease with how much Rhea truly wants her.

Her nervousness had made her unaware of the desire coursing through her but now she’s fully set aflame again, igniting Rhea from her thighs all the way to her neck in one single flash of hot white lightning, and it promptly overrides all her feelings of nervousness, fear, shame and self-doubt.

“I really want to feel you Edelgard,” she murmurs, her voice low and filled with need, which causes Edelgard to fluster in such a particular way it ignites Rhea’s heart along with her body. “But I’ll admit I fear my other feelings will get in the way,” she adds softly, resisting the urge to glance away for she’s sure her face has gone red. “My… my feelings work so complicated sometimes, it’s hard to…simply give in to what I want.”

“Hmm, is it truly that hard for me to trust you?” Edelgard asks her with gentle curiosity. “Even after I told you I’ll do exactly what you say?”

Rhea nods slowly, feeling slightly ashamed at her inability to trust, especially after everything that already happened between them.

“It’s not as if I don’t trust _you,_ Edelgard,” she attempts to explain. “It’s more that doing this with you makes me feel so vulnerable, and so the thought of something unexpected happening is incredibly frightful to me.” Rhea confesses. It’s both terrifying to bare herself to the other woman and an utter delight to do so.

She finds she really wants Edelgard to know her deeply and intimately, she wants the younger woman to see her wholly as she is, no matter how frightening the prospect is.

Encouraged with newfound confidence, she speaks up again. “And…well you have a... a strong inclination for enjoying sudden chaos, you love subverting my expectations and like to rebel whenever you can –all aspects of you which I have come to enjoy, I assure you, but right now they serve to make me very fragile.”

“Ah, I see,” Edelgard hums and ponders her words for a moment. “That’s understandable,” she says, nodding gently. “I am a little… hard to predict, I suppose. Even I can’t always predict or understand myself.” She grins sheepishly before looking down, her lilac eyes leveled with Rhea’s chin. Yet those eyes are unfocused, unseeing, as if she’s too deep in thought to focus on her vision.

Abruptly her eyes light up and a small knowing smile blooms onto her lips. “I think I will have to subvert your expectations once more then,” she says with confidence. When she notices Rhea’s expression turns nervous once more her expression softens.

“Don’t worry,” she says with that reassuring smile still on her lips. “Trust me.” Delicately she gets off of Rhea’s body, swinging her legs smoothly over the edge of the bed and sits down there, along with the rattling chains which come to rest on the floor with a metallic clang. She turns her waist over so her face can look back at Rhea and reaches out her hand to her. “Come with me,” she asks softly, warmly. “I have an idea.”

The small and open smile on her lips is enough for Rhea to trust her and she grasps the hand stretched out to her without a shred of doubt.

Edelgard stands up from the bed and makes her way over to one of the walls, only a few steps away. Confused but still trusting Rhea keeps holding her hand and follows her along.

“Could you lean back against the wall for me, please?” Edelgard asks her lightly and without pressure.

Still feeling rather in the dark, Rhea does so wordlessly. She leans her back against the wall and crosses her arms over her chest in unconscious self-protection, before giving Edelgard an openly curious and somewhat expectant look.

She truly wonders where the girl is going with this, but she seems confident so Rhea can find it within herself to keep trusting her.

Edelgard holds their gaze and Rhea sees a blush form on her features and an almost shy smile forms on her lips.

She exhales deeply and it’s as if along with the air that leaves her body so does her usual fierceness and stubbornness, leaving only a deeply sincere, curious and tender young woman.

Her eyes turn gentle, humble even and she looks at Rhea as if she’s a holy statue to be worshipped with utmost devotion.

Only that expression of her is needed to make Rhea forget how to breathe, it’s so gentle and subtle yet almost unbearably intense.

And all of that expression is focused on her- _for_ her.

“Lady Rhea,” Edelgard begins, voice quiet yet steady and somehow ceremonial. “You are wholeheartedly worthy of my veneration and I find myself longing to submit myself to you and all that you might require,” she says softly and with utmost sincerity.

Rhea promptly feels as if she might faint, she can feel her blood rush to her head and her ears are ringing and all at once she’s light-headed and so hot on the inside.

If one looks at what Edelgard just said to her and separates each word individually then they are very stately words any noble would use to neutrally convey feelings such as kindness or respect. Edelgard however, managed to put them in such a specific order it might be the most tantalizingly sensual thing someone has ever said to Rhea- without using a single word that so much hints at the more carnal activities in life.

Whatever it is that Edelgard is doing, it’s undoubtedly working because her body is growing increasingly hotter and apparently the heat is quickly burning away all feelings of doubt, fear and apprehension she was having.

Edelgard gently grasps one of Rhea’s hands and brings it to her lips. She kisses her knuckles in a way a noble would formally yet kindly greet someone of a higher standing, but the way she does it is infinitely more intimate as she seems to cherish the act of doing so deeply, her eyes flutter shut and with a slight blush her lips graze over Rhea’s knuckles somehow both feathery light and feverishly heated.

A soft noise escapes Rhea’s lips as her body and mind don’t seem to be working together at all, despite wanting the same thing.

Still holding Rhea’s hand in hers, Edelgard raises her head to meet her eyes and only her blush reveals the feelings of lust dwelling inside her, as the rest of her excludes an aura of almost devotional veneration. “Would you permit me to so, Lady Rhea?”

Rhea nods and then realizes her throat has gone dry, causing her to swallow hard so she can hopefully speak. “Yes… Yes you may do so if you wish,” she says hoarsely.

A ghost of a smile appears on the edges of Edelgard lips but her eyes still express nothing but unconditional reverence and unswerving respect.

Reaching forward and standing slightly on her toes she moves to press her lips against Rhea’s. It’s soft, gentle and so delicate Rhea feels the nerves coursing through her body simmer out as she relaxes into the kiss.

It feels so familiar, somehow. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world to the both of them and a tranquil calmness settles deep inside Rhea.

Edelgard pulls back and her eyes shine in a way that make Rhea’s heart swell.

She gives Rhea a courtly nods and lets go of her hand.

In an almost ceremonial ritual she slowly, gracefully kneels in front of Rhea- she still has the chain between her ankles but this time she delicately works her way around her restricted movements- until both of her knees touch the ground and she’s fully kneeling.

She places her hands carefully in her lap and looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes with a humble and tender expression.

“I want to worship you, Lady Rhea,” she all but whispers, her voice low with reverence and longing.

Rhea’s mind instantly feels as if it’s hit by lightning and her dignified demeanor promptly crumbles as a result. “…Worship? Edelgard, you mustn’t… I… Even as the Archbishop you shouldn’t want to worship me… The Goddess is the only one worthy to be worshipped,” she stutters, her voice high and wavering, as she tries to cope with the way Edelgard’s words make her feel, knowing full well she’s talking too quickly and her voice is unsteady.

Edelgard only gives her a small smile and it’s almost devious. “My Lady,” she chuckles quietly. “I have never met the Goddess you speak of yet it feels as if _you_ have become a goddess in my life. You are the only deity I wish to devote myself to and serve with all my heart. With _all_ of me.”

It’s blasphemy, Rhea tells herself firmly.

It’s a sin, she tries to convince herself. It shouldn’t surprise her, Edelgard is a known sinner and would absolutely use every aspect –no matter how sacred and pure- that comes with the Faith to advance her own purposes.

But Rhea somehow never expected her to use it for something like _this._

No one ought to use the name of the Goddess in vain, or use the sacred act of worshipping and praying to her as an allusion to matters of… of desire between humans.

But… but then why does it feel exactly the same?

She feels heat rise to her cheeks. “You’re a heretic, Edelgard,” she chides. But her words come out too gentle, too eager and it’s evident to the both of them how pleasantly affected she is.

“Yes…”Edelgard agrees solemnly. “Yes I am, and here I am on my knees, willing to repent for my sins.” She looks up to Rhea with a unique mix of yearning and humble piety. “Will you let me absolve of my sins and grant me salvation?” She asks with all the seriousness of someone who has fallen low and is asking for forgiveness, for a chance at redemption.

Edelgard somehow looks at her not as if she wants to pleasure Rhea but as if she’s truly committed to devoting all of herself to her with all the sanctity that comes with worshipping the Goddess- despite it clearly being the former that’s on her mind, and on that of Rhea’s.

With the way Edelgard is positioning herself, the words she’s using and the way she’s speaking she’s completely stripped herself of any imposing status or power and left herself deeply humble yet still profound in her dignity.

With a start Rhea realizes she’s not sitting in front of her as a mere prisoner but with all the dignity, conviction and nobility of the monarch she once was- that deep down she still _is._

She’s kneeling in front of Rhea not as herself but as an Emperor who longs to surrender all the power that comes with the position and willingly serve her in a way an Emperor is taught to never do.

The younger woman has even been referring to her as ‘lady’ and Rhea promptly realizes she has no idea when Edelgard even began doing that.

Rhea can feel her blood rush but now it’s more like it is rushing straight down to where the heat in her is already at its hottest.

“I want you, Edelgard,” she hears herself murmur breathlessly, much to her own dismay. It’s almost sad how easily she shed the guilt of the way Edelgard’s blasphemous words affect her and how willingly she lets herself give into it.

The most subtle hints of emotion flicker across Edelgard’s eyes, one distinctly being relief.

“I know…” Edelgard whispers to her with a hint of confidence currently unfitting with the rest of her demeanor. She gingerly reaches forward with her hand and gently strokes the skin of Rhea’s leg.

“But you should know that you already have me,” she mumbles quietly, effortlessly falling back into her act of submissiveness.

The way her voice shakes makes Rhea lightheaded and for a moment she’s not sure she’s going to last through this.

“Well, seeing as you’re on your knees once more… does that mean you are finally going to recite Holy Scriptures to me again?” She tries to joke, solely because the atmosphere is almost unbearably tense to her. She _needs_ something to happen.

Edelgard doesn’t seem to notice any tension whatsoever. Instead she giggles quietly and presses her lips to the skin of Rhea’s leg slightly below her knee. “Something like that, my lady,” she murmurs against skin, her grin audible in her voice.

The contact makes Rhea shiver, causing Edelgard to look up to gaze into Rhea’s eyes once more and no matter how humble and devout she currently may be feeling, there is still a hint of mirth in her eyes.

They look so full of life, Rhea thinks.

“As much as I’m convinced that the both of us would thoroughly enjoy it if I were to recite you the most Holy Scriptures about devoting oneself… how about and old poem instead?” It’s the first time she sounds slightly unsure of herself, perhaps afraid Rhea would find her idea silly. “It…uhm… it means a lot to me and it seems… suitable for the current setting,” she adds shyly, now with a much more innocent and vulnerable blush on her features.

Rhea doesn’t find it silly at all, instead she feels curious and eager to know what kind of poem has the power to sway Edelgard.

“Please tell me, my dear,” she murmurs fondly. “I find the prospect both relaxing and intriguing.”

Edelgard smiles at her in such an endearing and open way Rhea’s hear flutters with warmth and adoration.

“May I keep touching you?” Edelgard asks her with inquisitive gentleness. “Kneeling and reciting poetry is a bit exposing, if I can use my hands it would redirect my nerves a little,” she confesses with a slight blush.

“Mhm,” Rhea hums in approval. It dawns on her that while she might still be feeling slightly shy, all her earlier nerves have been delicately replaced by a secure calmness.

The girl below her nods and her fingers find Rhea’s legs again, softly stroking and brushing the sides.

Edelgard doesn’t say anything for a moment until Rhea hears her breathe in deeply. “ _She seems to me to be equal to a goddess_ _,”_ she begins quietly, formally yet Rhea can still hear the subtle yearning and lust in her voice.

“ _She, if it is permissible, seems to surpass the gods,_ ” Edelgard continues and her words leave Rhea unable to speak, something Edelgard doesn’t seem to mind at all, even using her silence to keep going and let her know just how much she thinks of Rhea as a goddess.

Rhea feels herself- especially her legs- weaken in pleasant vulnerability and tender excitement and leans back against the wall for support while she peers down at the kneeling woman with intimate focus, taking in every minor movement and drinking up every word with utmost intensity.

 _“Watching and hearing you laughing delightfully,”_ Edelgard murmurs devotedly, her lips grazing over Rhea’s leg. “ _Rips out all senses from the miserable me.”_

Both hands on Rhea’s legs begin to brush up and down with long and slow strokes, from her ankles until they disappear under her robes and move up to her knees. _“Makes my heart flutter in my breast.”_

With her mouth she presses a soft and long kiss onto her skin in an almost reverent manner. “ _For at the same moment I look upon you,”_ she breathes against skin, yet somehow her voice is still so humble and steady. “ _Nothing is left of me.”_

Her continuous touches are so delicate yet deeply affectionate that it’s seems incomprehensible to Rhea how someone can communicate so much emotion with so little physical contact.

 _“But my tongue grows thick, a thin flame_ _runs down beneath my limbs,”_ Edelgard continues and by now her words are heating up Rhea’s insides as much as the strokes of those hands are doing to her.

Edelgard pauses her ministrations momentarily, placing her hands carefully in her lap and glancing up to meet Rhea with a small, pleased smile. Reassured by Rhea’s almost feverish focus on her, she finishes the last part of her poem in one go, all the while looking up to Rhea.

 _“In my idleness I revel and delight too much,_ _  
My idleness has destroyed both monarchs and blessed cities before.”_

She lets out a soft sigh and looks at Rhea with shining eyes and a devoted smile.

“I always enjoyed how it sounded as if the writer loved the woman so much yet it was in such a passive way. Their love for her was so deep that it didn’t matter to them if a kingdom would fall, if only they could just keep loving her –even passively from a distance,” she explains carefully, a soft blush on her features.

It doesn’t surprise Rhea that Edelgard has such views about love, she always seemed to be someone who preferred to keep the things she cared for at a distance, yet it both warms her heart and makes her ache for Edelgard all the same –it must have been so lonely.

“Love certainly is a complex emotion, many poets and philosophers still can’t seem to define it properly, and I’ve always felt that love comes in many more ways than we have definitions of,” Rhea responds, slightly distracted by the swell of adoration in her heart for the blushing and happily fragile girl beneath her. “I think there are many different ways to feel romantic love for someone, for example,” she adds as she considers her unconventional way of feeling love for Edelgard.

Edelgard gets an odd soft look over her still reddened features and stares into Rhea’s eyes for a long moment. As long as she dares apparently because abruptly she glances downwards and tentatively reaches out to touch Rhea’s legs again, softly dragging her finger nails against her calf up towards her knee.

“When I was still ruling as Emperor,” she speaks softly as her eyes focus on Rhea’s legs, “I sometimes wondered if such a love was possible, if someone in my position could love someone so deeply their kingdom would pale in comparison.”

There are words remained unspoken there, Rhea knows that and she’s confident Edelgard knows as well. She wants to ask if that’s how Edelgard feels now… towards her. But she’s terrified of the answer, both if she were to do and if she didn’t. She’s not sure she can handle the pain that comes with either of those possibilities.

No, it’s better if they stay in this state of nothing, keeping them both safe from the inevitable pain.

Edelgard makes it a point to concentrate on feeling and caressing Rhea’s legs and she finds herself distracted from her thoughts as the hands on her skin are pleasantly relaxing.

“It’s odd,” Edelgard murmurs with gentle curiosity, “I never quite understood love all that well, having mostly watched passively as I saw others grow to love one another. Yet no matter what, love always seems like both the most selfish and most selfless emotion there is.”

She glances up briefly to meet Rhea’s eyes, her face still red and she looks slightly insecure. “What do you think?” she asks softly before looking back down once more and returning her focus on touching Rhea.

Rhea takes a moment to consider the question. This might just be one of the things her longevity has given her an advantage over humans and their shorter lifespan, as she’d seen countless selfless and selfish acts of love throughout the centuries.

“Love overrides all other emotions and sensibilities one has, I think,” Rhea muses. “When you’re in love it’s as if the person you love matters more than anything in the world –you would kill for them, die for them…people have gone to war over love, both to protect the one they loved or to conquer them by force. Love dictates our minds and if we aren’t careful we might commit grave sins in the name of love.”

“Sins…” Edelgard mutters quietly without looking up. “What a strange word to add to a feeling which is supposed to be so pure and innocent.”

“It’s the feeling itself that’s innocent, I think. But the thoughts and conclusions people draw from it, I think that it’s those which lead someone to sin.”

Edelgard chuckles softly. “Then who determines exactly what a sin out of love is? I don’t think there are laws that take love into account.”

Her brows furrow and her eyes suddenly shine with an almost intimidating intensity. Once more she meets Rhea’s eyes. “My lady,” she says deeply reverent. “In my worship of you…I think I’ll be sinning all the same.” Her voice is quiet yet thick with need and desire.

All Rhea can do is swallow and nod, having followed Edelgard too far along this path to even still be able to think of going back.

Edelgard doesn’t say another word and diligently resumes brushing, stroking and kneading Rhea’s legs. With her mouth she begins pressing soft and delicate kisses to the spots alongside her fingers.

All of Rhea has gone so sensitive, her skin flushed and her blood singing in her veins, a gasp escapes her lips and she leans back against the wall for support once more.

…And these are just her lower legs she’s touching, along with the rest of her legs they instantly grow weak at the thought of more, while the rest of her body just grows even hotter.

Edelgard takes no notion of her increase in body temperature and seems content to be in no hurry in touching her in all these different ways, her kisses now turning more fervent and heated. When one of her hands slightly kneads Rhea’s calf an audible gasp escapes her lips, overwhelmed by the simplicity of feeling the tension in her body dissipate ever so slightly under Edelgard’s touch.

She wants to be touched, Rhea realizes, needs to. More, on more places, harder and longer. Otherwise the heat in her body might just consume her whole. She feels light-headed and inhales sharply.

“You haven’t been touched like this in a long time, have you?” Edelgard asks her quietly in between kisses. “Because your body seems to crave it so badly.”

The truth of her words is what finally connects Rhea’s brain with her body again, united in their mutual need for intimacy and being touched.

“No, I haven’t,” she responds in earnest. “It’s been, well… a very long time.” 

More than a century at least, but she can’t tell that as she’s still not sure how much Edelgard knows about her and her age.

Edelgard gives her a smile so sweet and genuine it makes her heart tighten pleasantly. “I’m honored and glad that I am the one who is allowed to touch you this way, my lady,” she tells her with an almost giddy smile ghosting over her lips. “And it makes me feel good too,” she adds in a breathless whisper which makes Rhea’s head reel.

A moment later she resumes her ministrations, yet increases its intensity. Her mouth reaches higher and occasionally sucking on her skin. She even involves her tongue, licking the bruised spots she herself caused with her mouth a mere moment before. She needs one hand now to pull up Rhea’s white robe in order to reach the newly revealed skin. Her other hand find a rhythm where it kneads and massages the muscles in her lower leg and she manages to do it just so that it’s in deeply sensual and just edging along the line of it being rough, all the while her mouth traces her fingers with kisses, occasionally sucking and licking Rhea’s sensitive skin.

Rhea feels herself tremble and grow weak, glad she’s leaning against the wall because she needs it. She’s panting softly and occasionally an audible gasp escapes her lips.

“…Edelgard,” she murmurs -almost whines- impatiently, in a rather cryptic way to express her need for more.

The younger woman looks up and while she still looks reverent and humble, lust is now freely shining through her lidded eyes as well.

“Do you like what I’m doing, Lady Rhea?” She mumbles with her lips against one of Rhea’s legs.

“I do, yes,” she rasps breathlessly

Edelgard smiles against her skin and closes her eyes. “Do wish for me to do more?” Her voice is so low it causes shivers to rush through Rhea’s spine.

“Please, yes.” Rhea manages to say despite her disheveled state of mind.

Edelgard meets her eyes again. “What would you like me to do then, Lady Rhea?” Edelgard asks, her voice so thick with want and her eyes so filled with lust it’s evident how much she wants to do more as well.

When Rhea remains silent too long, as the way Edelgard is touching her is just too distracting, Edelgard opts to take matters into her own hands and begins to speak in between her kissing. “I meant it when I said I’ll do everything you want me to, my Lady,” she says quietly yet intensely. Her face is flustered and with closed eyes she kisses Rhea’s leg almost feverishly, her hands always closely following her lips as they knead the tight muscles. “I really want to,” she murmurs hotly against skin before kissing her again and again, slowly moving higher until she’s past Rhea’s knee.

“I truly want to worship you, Lady Rhea,” Edelgard whispers once more, taking a break from kissing her to meet her eyes with such a raw and openly vulnerable expression Rhea’s senses seem to fry.

Edelgard’s expression changes slightly as different emotions bleed in. “But not with my words, not this time.” She kisses her leg again, now well past her knee. “Instead I want to worship your body …with my own,” she mutters. She keeps kissing more and more skin as she kisses higher and higher. Without a second thought she grabs the hem of Rhea’s white robe and edges it up much higher so her lips can reach the skin underneath “I want to worship you with my hands, my fingers…” she pauses briefly as her lips nearly reach the top of Rhea’s thigh. “…With my mouth,” she finishes softly, a hint of shyness among the lust in her voice.

Rhea needs a moment to understand the implications of Edelgard’s words and with a start she realizes that _maybe_ those implications might have been where Edelgard was going with this all along.

Immediately her mind is in tatters while her body tries to take over for her instead. Feelings threaten to overwhelm her and with no idea what to do or say she helplessly looks down at the kneeling woman below her.

…and somehow finds there exactly the peace she needs.

Any contempt and aversion she might still have been holding at the idea of perverting her sacred and pure religion slips from her like water when she finally comprehends how much sincerity Edelgard is putting into giving herself –and along with her, the trust Rhea needs- to her. The woman knew precisely what kind of language she had to speak in order to reassure and free Rhea, to make her feel powerful. She would have felt shame at the knowledge that it is her own religion serving as the tool Edelgard is using to make her melt and yearn for her touch but she simply feels too elated –too free, thanks to Edelgard’s delicate efforts- to care any longer.

An Emperor surrendering herself to her, now that is something that speaks to Rhea’s inner craving for power and control over others- no matter the circumstances. The thought makes her giddy, lightheaded and drunk on the rush of power she feels.

“Worship me then,” says almost stately, intent on being as imposing as she can. “You have proven yourself of doing so and therefore I grant you my permission.”

Edelgard’s expression changes into one of innocent happiness and excitement, which should be inappropriate for the current circumstances, Rhea thinks to herself, but somehow it fits Edelgard’s way of thinking and feeling perfectly. It makes her look smaller in a way, Rhea muses with an odd tenderness.

She doesn’t have long to enjoy the sight of the delighted girl below her because after nothing but a quick, carefree nod her lips are on Rhea’s leg again.

The way she seemed in no rush earlier might have been just a farce because this time Edelgard almost impatiently yanks up Rhea’s robe even higher and her mouth finds the insides of Rhea’s thigh.

It elicits a gasp from her but she doesn’t find it in herself to feel embarrassed about it any longer. She thinks she might finally feel as in-control and powerful as Edelgard meant to make her feel all along and understands now what the younger woman meant by needing to subvert her expectations once more.

 _The Emperor_ at her mercy, powerless and kneeling humbly before her in an act of worship.

She feels lips travel higher, reaching places that make Rhea shiver.

 _The Emperor_ who glances at her in delighted gratitude when Rhea purposely spreads her legs a little to give her mouth better access.

The mouth on her thigh travels even higher and more to the inside, the younger woman’s mouth sucking on her skin, hard enough to bruise and hard enough to have Rhea whimper pleasantly and arch her back slightly.

 _Edelgard_ , who willingly submits herself to Rhea to give her all the control and power over herself that Rhea needs in order to feel secure and confident enough to wholly enjoy this.

A hand find her inner thigh and kneads the tension out of them before moving to the other, it’s enough to have Rhea tremble again and it serves to help her realize just how sensitive she is after being untouched for all these years.

 _Edelgard_ , who just has to subvert her expectations one last time by suddenly giving her a stubbornly sly grin before grumbling if Rhea can _at least_ find it in herself to hold up her own robes because they’re heavy and she wants to be able to use her hands.

(Rhea obliges wordlessly, but still scoffs indignantly to keep up appearances.)

 _Edelgard_ , whose damnable unpredictability makes her feel so alive.

Their eyes meet one more time and Rhea can see all her need and lust and yearning reflect in lidded eyes-dark with want- while her smile is still one of innocent bliss.

 _Edelgard_ , whom she has fallen in love with so deeply.

Rhea is somewhere in between thoroughly enjoying the rush of power Edelgard is granting her and feeling weak with love and tenderness for her when she feels teeth grazing her skin at the hem of her undergarments.

The sensation instantly brings her back to her senses and she becomes aware she’s already feeling pleasantly breathless with excitement.

She catches Edelgard briefly looking at her undergarments- eyebrows furrowed in deep consideration- before apparently deciding that trying to lower them with her teeth will likely be more clumsy than graceful and effective. With a subtle hint of frustration and resignation she reaches with her hands instead and quickly yet smoothly drags them down in one motion.

The act amuses Rhea, it’s somewhat adorable to be witness to Edelgard’s inner conflict, but a moment after she realizes she’s very very naked.

Rhea has little time to start feeling exposed because Edelgard’s mouth is against her mound shortly after. The mere warmth and pressure of feeling her mouth has her moaning softly already and she impulsively presses herself into Edelgard ever so slightly.

She feels Edelgard sigh contently against her and for a moment she seems to be deeply lost in her own enjoyment.

Edelgard’s hands grab onto her hips to steady the both of them and she nuzzles her face against Rhea’s core almost affectionately.

The mere thought that Edelgard is feeling content and enjoyment when touching her like this sends hot shivers through her spine and makes her body tremble. It makes her feel some kind of all-encompassing awe, as if this is much more than the act of sex, as if it’s a whole new language –never invented or created, instead having always been there- that exists solely to express the deepest of emotions without a single word being spoken.

When Edelgard’s mouth begins to move against her however, all kinds of new feelings, thoughts and revelations sear through her mind yet simultaneously her mind is blank so whatever epiphanies she is having, they will remain a mystery. It’s merely the pleasure, she tries to dismiss her racing yet incomprehensible thoughts as. It’s the way Edelgard’s tongue explores her, tentative at first as she tests and teases to find all the spots that make Rhea gasp and squirm. She deftly alternates between focusing on her clit with slow circles and gentle licks, followed by lowering herself and swirling her tongue against her folds, occasionally entering her and tasting her as much as she can.

It leaves Rhea a panting mess in mere minutes and she can’t find it in herself any longer to stand idly as her legs tremble. The hand holding her robes bunches them up and twists her fingers into it grasping it tightly to serve as a slight distraction from the gentle yet overwhelming assault on her core. Her other hand moves downward to gently brush through Edelgard’s white locks and softly twirl her fingers in them in an effort to somehow express how affectionate the girl’s ministrations make her feel.

“You’re so wet, my lady” Edelgard murmurs low and fondly against the junction of her thigh.

“Yes,” Rhea breathes. “Yes, and all because of your _clever_ words and tongue, my dear.” She’s still panting, and the loss of the warmth against her folds is making her body protest.

She can feel the satisfied smile against her thigh. “I’m glad then, that giving myself to you in this way worked as I hoped it would.” She places a soft kiss just next to Rhea’s clit, clearly reveling in the frustrated noise escaping the Archbishop’s lips. “I find submitting myself to you like this thoroughly enjoyable as well, my lady,” she murmurs against her skin. "It makes my blood sing in my veins."

Her words pierce through Rhea and her need to feel Edelgard's mouth against her again is almost unbearable.

Edelgard glances up briefly to look at Rhea, her eyes dark and slightly lidded with an expression that conveys both her lust and adoration. “I long to devote and give all of myself to my own way of worshipping you, Lady Rhea,” Edelgard tells her with longing sincerity before lowering her head again. “I’ll stop torturing the both of us by not delaying anymore,” she says with an almost shy grin. Her mouth finds Rhea’s clit again and this time her tongue moves with expert precision.

All of Rhea’s earlier nervousness and apprehension have completely disappeared and she now wholly lets herself enjoy the pleasure, deep intimacy and all the pleasantly overwhelming feelings coursing through her. It makes her feel so free, as if all the burdens she has grown to carry over the years aren’t with her at all right now.

There is no perfectly crafted and controlled Archbishop here, mangled and contorted by Rhea’s own harsh restrictions she has placed upon herself. All that’s left is a woman with no shame or guilt, feeling only delight and bliss as she gasps and moans without restrain each time Edelgard focuses her attention on a spot that makes Rhea shudder and tremble.

“There, Edelgard. It feels so good to feel your tongue there,” she pants, enjoying how the younger woman immediately increases her attention to the spot, licking her harder and longer.

The girl has a talent for this. The thought only half registers in Rhea’s mind and another swipe of Edelgard’s tongue wipes it entirely from her mind as a low moan escapes her lips.

It comes back however, when Edelgard coaxes more and more moans and gasps from her with ease, while her body shivers and trembles accordingly. It’s as if she knows exactly what to do and with what little cohesion she has left Rhea suddenly considers that that is rather in conflict with Edelgard’s admittance of never having slept with anyone before.

“How –ah- how do you know what to do so well, Edelgard,” she breathes out shakily, the words escaping her lips before she can fully consider the consequences of them.

The immediate smirk against her folds is evident. Edelgard pulls her mouth away from her slightly and Rhea instantly curses herself for having said something to disrupt her.

The younger woman looks up with a sly smile and shining eyes. “That good, huh?” She says mischievously, clearly pleased with herself.

“No… I mean yes, it’s good. _Really_ good,” Rhea attempts to explain, which is hard when her voice is shaky and she’s so turned on that thinking takes a lot of effort. “But that’s not what I mean. You seem… experienced at this,” she continues, sounding more curious than accusing. “If I recall correctly you… uhm, shouldn’t be so experienced?” Her phrasing sounds a little clumsy to her, but the thought just wormed itself into her mind and she can’t let it go.

“Oh, _that_ ,” Edelgard says almost dismissively. “Learning this… particular craft is mandatory for any royal brought up in Enbarr,” she answers without hesitation.

It sounds so factual and casual Rhea’s eyes widen in shock at her words.

To her relief Edelgard laughs. It’s quiet and mirthful and Rhea’s heart skips a beat at the sound. “I’m joking, dear Archbishop,” she laughs. “Ah, but I shall reveal you my secret then, as an apology for making you uncomfortable with my deceit,” She grins, her blush making her seem more devious and confident than shy now.

She uses a single finger to trace across Rhea’s pelvis and she feels herself shudder pleasantly when the finger brushes over the junction between her hip and inner thigh. “There,” Edelgard points out. “You have tells, my lady.”

“Tells?” Rhea questions her, not comprehending what it is she means.

To explain herself further Edelgard presses her finger against Rhea’s skin right next to her clit and draws a soft circle, causing Rhea to gasp and jerk her hips. “ _Tells,_ ” Edelgard repeats, using Rhea’s reaction as evidence. “If I touch certain spots of you in a specific way you have a reaction, with your voice, your body, your breathing,” she explains delicately. “It’s almost as if I’m deciphering you. And it’s easy, though incredibly enjoyable.” She gives Rhea another sly grin. “I don’t need experience for _that_ , just my intuition.”

“Oh,” Rhea says somewhat flatly, feeling slightly caught for apparently being so obvious in what she likes. Then again she still feels no need to keep herself under control and hide how much she’s enjoying Edelgard’s ministrations. With slight shame she realizes that earlier she blatantly relied on magic to achieve the same effect. “Well you have always been intuitive by nature,” she tells her and gives her a soft smile.

Edelgard seems almost vulnerably happy at the compliment and her small smile is nothing short of adorable to Rhea.

“I’m honored you consider me a natural, then.” The girl tells her almost shyly. “Now, may I continue?” She asks with a hint of impatience.

The impatience in Edelgard’s voice wasn’t something Rhea expected. “You’d truly want to?”

Edelgard raises her eyebrows and gives her a questioning look. “Yes?” She says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “It feels so incredibly good to give you pleasure like this, I want nothing more than to keep going.” Her mouth brushes over Rhea’s folds again and Rhea can feel how wet she truly is as she feels it stick to Edelgard lips. “I want to taste you more,” the younger woman mumbles hotly against her. “I want to make you come, my lady.”

Rhea feels a tremor travel through her spine at the words, and searing heat shoots along it. “Please do,” she says barely audible but urgent.

“As you wish,” Edelgard says softly. She looks up one more time. “Oh, but please stop restraining yourself so much, I can tell you want to grind your hips against me and I suggest you do so,” she says, her voice low.

“That’s… Edelgard, it’s…”

“Unsightly?” Edelgard grins, echoing Rhea’s words from the first time she touched Edelgard. “Yes, I tried that one. It didn’t work.”

“Also that yes, but more importantly it feels… rude, cruel even,” Rhea tries to explain while unwilling to admit to herself how tantalizing the idea of being more rough with Edelgard -to use her to feel more pleasure- is to her.

“It’s a good thing then that I’d prefer to worship a goddess who enjoys being rude and cruel to me from time to time then, I like how the unpredictability makes me feel so alive,” Edelgard says with mischief in both her voice and expression. “Regardless, it’s up to you, but trust that I can take it and will thoroughly enjoy it if you want to do so.”

She gives one last glance at Rhea. “I want nothing more than to feel you come hard against my mouth, Lady Rhea,” she tells her. By the shiver in her body and the tremble in her voice Rhea can tell how wanting that –how much saying it- makes Edelgard feel pleasure on its own.

Without another glance or word she moves her head back between her thighs and her tongue finds its rhythm again with ease. Her licks are more purposeful now. They had been far beyond teasing before but now she’s actively ensuring tension is building up in Rhea and it serves to make her resolve and self-constrain crumble rather quickly.

Within moments she tentatively bucks her hips against Edelgard’s mouth and when the girl moans in satisfaction as she does so the last of her guilty conscious burns to a crisp within her.

She begins to do it more, slow and hesitantly at first but when Edelgard easily meets the soft rolling of her hips by pushing back with the exact amount of pressure needed to give Rhea the friction she craves she steadily increases the pace and force of her thrusts. Her grip in Edelgard’s hair tightens ever so slightly and she gently pushes her into herself along the pace of her thrusts.

True to her words, Edelgard takes it with ease –enthusiasm even, if the increased intensity of her strokes and her soft delighted moans are anything to go by –and soon they find a steady rhythm between them that has Rhea moaning and panting without any care for propriety left.

“Goddess, Edelgard you’re making me feel so good,” she says breathlessly, succumbing to another long moan shortly after.

It dawns on her she just uses the Goddess’s name in vain.

There are _several_ deeply conflicting reasons why that should really not something the Archbishop ought to be doing.

But suddenly she just _gets_ it. At first- many centuries ago- it had disturbed her, then it had confused her and finally she had come to find it oddly amusing how humans seemed to have this uncontrollable need to cry out for the Goddess in their throes of passion. It just seemed to make so little sense to her, how they couldn’t help but connect one of the most physical and carnal acts to something so transcendent and divine. They seemed like polar opposites with no relation whatsoever.

But now… one look at the girl below her while she swirls her tongue around Rhea’s most sensitive spots just right and her pleasure builds makes it feel as if everything tangible and physical in this world is just a farce behind which hides something much deeper and utterly holy. Something far beyond bodily pleasures, which seems to serve only to tantalizingly tease and hint at the transcendent bliss out there somewhere. An odd, impossible desire to somehow break through the physical boundaries of reality and connect to Edelgard utterly and wholly overcomes her.

Feeling slightly frustrated that this is something unachievable she settles for the next best thing.

“M _ore_ please. Oh Goddess, I want you, I want to feel more of you,” she chokes out, this time pointedly ignoring she fact she’s technically referring to her own _Mother,_ as a result of being pleasured by the one woman in the world who also bears her Mother’s crest no less.

But the thought pales to her newfound understanding of connecting feelings of pleasure, lust and intimacy to the divine. And truthfully the rather wrong implications of it all just serve to turn her on more in her wanton state. In this moment she’s a human, herself and nothing more.

“I’m getting so close, Edelgard,” she pants heavily. “Please make me come, I need you to.”

If Edelgard would have been able to speak she certainly would have, but for now she settles on doubling down on her efforts. She gives Rhea’s folds long and deep licks before her tongue dips in between them and swirls inside of her.

Rhea almost loses her mind when she feels Edelgard swallow, her thoughts going white when she thinks how it’s her _own_ juices the girl is tasting.

And suddenly Rhea concludes she got it all wrong, it’s not Edelgard who is the heretic, who is sinning by pleasuring Rhea this way.

No, _Rhea_ is the heretic, for she is the Archbishop –virtuous, pure, holy and sacred- and she’s reveling in the way Edelgard is pleasuring her with such devotion. She’s the one who is _sinning_ , and Heaven’s does it make her feel good.

And Edelgard?

All her submissive devotion and worship –even if she’s doing it with her _tongue_ \- are genuine in some way and therefore granting her the salvation and forgiveness of her own sins that she yearns so deeply for, if only in the eyes of Rhea. But as Edelgard herself said with such utter conviction, it’s Rhea whom she sees as her goddess, the one who she wants to cleanse and absolve her of all her sins.

It’s all wrong and twisted and so wonderfully _perfect._

After Edelgard’s tongue swirls and licks as deep inside Rhea as it can get for several moments longer Edelgard moves onto her clit instead and finally gives it her undivided attention.

Every roll, circle and lick of her tongue brings Rhea closer to the release she’s craving desperately by now. And by both her urgent mewls and the way Edelgard is moving against her she’s equally desperate as well as dedicated and devoted to bringing Rhea over the edge.

Rhea is nothing but a trembling mess of sounds, whimpers, gasps and moans which might have supposed to resemble words but somewhere between her brain and her mouth they turned into unrecognizable cries of pleasure. She’s thrusting her hips into Edelgard’s mouth almost uncontrollably now, having let go of nearly all of her self-restrain. It only adds to her bliss as she feels the former Emperor struggle to keep up as her face gets more and more stained with Rhea’s wetness.

When she feels her climax closing in on her and her imminent release is inevitable she uses the hand in Edelgard’s hair to push her head flush against herself as she thrusts frantically against her, Edelgard’s earlier insistence that she enjoys it only turning her more on as she feels Edelgard gasp against her for the air Rhea revels in denying her.

The slight cruelty she feels at using Edelgard’s body so carelessly gives her a spike of pleasure that finally has her insides tighten and then release as her orgasm washes through her in steady waves. “ _Edelgard,”_ she cries out breathlessly. “ _Edelgard,”_ she whimpers over and over again in what feels like a sacred chant. The younger woman is the only thing on her mind as her thoughts go white with a wonderful blankness and her legs are trembling so much they’re threatening to give out under her.

Edelgard holds her hips firm in her grasp and keeps drawing circles on her clit with her tongue as well as she can with her face almost crushed against Rhea’s wetness, helping her ride out her orgasm and drawing as much pleasure from it as she can.

When Rhea’s frantic noises of pleasure turn into a more subdued and satisfied panting Edelgard slows down her ministrations until finally stopping altogether.

She presses her head against Rhea’s thigh instead, placing soft kisses there while she gives Rhea the time she needs to regain her senses.

“…Edelgard,” she manages to say a little while later, her voice ragged but at least somewhat steady. She feels the urge to keep repeating her name over and over again, if only so this moment will last and she can keep her close.

She feels lips smile against her thigh as the brush over them affectionately. “I loved doing that so much,” the girl murmurs against her skin with fondness. “You were so wonderful, Lady Rhea.” She finally looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes, she’s smiling and looks so adorably happy, almost blissful. “No, _all_ of you is wonderful.”

While Rhea has regained control of her breathing she’s still unable to find her words so she opts to smile at the woman below her instead, blushing slightly at the thought of what just happened and how Edelgard told her she thinks Rhea is wonderful

The younger woman’s cheeks are reddened and slowly her expression turns more shy. “It wasn’t just because of hatred, I must confess,” she says quietly. “When I told you that it’s so much easier to ask for your hate and cruelty, I mean.”

She glances away bashfully before finding the courage to speak again. “It was because I know I have your hatred, and that gave me confidence. I knew that the hate you hold for me would blend perfectly with your innate vindictiveness and cruelty, and that it would mingle into lust.” Rhea can tell she’s forcing her voice to remain steady but still it slightly wavers ever so often. “That kind of hateful lust felt safe, I wanted that. A part deep inside of me loves being subjected to your cruelty, truly,” she murmurs shyly.

Still unable to look Rhea’s eyes she lightly brushes her fingers over Rhea’s ankle, and focuses her eyes on her fingers with intent. The touches are so tender and innocent Rhea momentarily feels the tension creeping up on her dwindle.

Without removing her fingers from Rhea’s ankle she looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes with eyes that almost seem to be begging Rhea not to crush her soul. “But I was terrified that… you’d reject what I have come to feel for you, Rhea.” Her face flusters even more and her eyes shine with vulnerability and fragile determination.

Rhea feels her mind go blank and is unable to think or even feel, unable to do anything but hear what Edelgard needs to tell her.

“It feels as if you have become my whole world and... and the thought that you wouldn’t feel the same way terrified me. I was sure it would break me,” she says quietly, her voice wavering slightly. “But even so I feel I must tell you, especially now. After everything we’ve done and before what is to come.”

An odd look of gentle determination settles over Edelgard, or perhaps it’s more peaceful resignation. She gives Rhea a tender smile, yet her whole expression is still so fragile and almost frightened.

“Here in this prison cell I came to grow idle, and in my idleness I reveled and delighted too much,” she quietly but steadily echoes the poem she recited earlier.

Rhea looks into her eyes and sees the turmoil of emotions swimming behind them, Edelgard isn’t hiding them from her at all. On the contrary, she _wants_ Rhea to see all her deep and conflicting emotions.

Edelgard smiles softly and takes a breath to steady herself.

“And now, in my idleness I would gladly sacrifice my Empire – sacrifice all of Fodlan- if it meant I could remain idle…here with you.”

Rhea’s brain is working overtime to grasp all the meanings and implications of her words but she’s far too slow to find her words in time.

Edelgard promptly leans her forehead against Rhea’s thigh, shielding her face from Rhea’s vision.

“I have fallen so deeply in love with you, Rhea.”

Her voice is trembling with fear while her eyes look frightened as well as relieved. “You mean more to me than any kingdom ever could,” she adds in such a quiet way it sounds as if it’s something utterly forbidden to say.

And Rhea…

Rhea feels things.

Her first impulse is to just tackle Edelgard to the ground and embrace her as tightly as possible while she kisses her indefinitely, it’s as if her heart bursts with happiness and everything is perfect.

And she fiercely wishes she had just given in to that impulse and not let another thought creep into her mind.

But _time_ happens. And time is cruel.

Because she suddenly finds her heart isn’t bursting, instead it _breaks._

Reality crashes down on her all at once and Rhea breaks along with her heart.

They’re in a prison. Edelgard is chained to the wall like the prisoner she truly is. Edelgard has committed endless war crimes against Rhea, her Church and her family. Edelgard is going to be executed for her crimes in mere days by her own hands.

Edelgard is in love with her.

And she’s in love with Edelgard.

All the context –everything that exists outside of Rhea and Edelgard’s perfect little world- surrounding this newfound love completely and mercilessly tears it to shreds, right along with Rhea.

The burden of having to execute someone she loves was already nearly impossible to bear.

The burden of having to execute someone who reciprocates her love is… is unbearable, incomprehensible even.

Not only that, Rhea has been willing to execute Edelgard to ensure she remains in power, while Edelgard, who already knows how it feels to lose everything, all the power she once had, wishes she could give up all of that over again if it meant she could be with Rhea.

And Rhea cracks.

“Y-you _can’t,_ ” she chokes out hoarsely, her voice thin and breaking. “You _can’t_ be in love with me.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen in shock before the hurt and confusion settle in. Instinctively she backs away from Rhea and looks up with big and utterly vulnerable eyes. “I… I’m s-sorry,” she stutters in her confusion. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I…”

“No, that’s not it… Edelgard you need to _hate_ me,” Rhea snaps, her voice raised, in a desperate attempt to sever this connection because it will _break_ her if she doesn’t.

“Hate you?” Edelgard mumbles in pain and jarring bewilderment. “I know that there’s certain things you’ve done that I hate… but not you… not for a long time now,” she clumsily and frantically tries to explain. “I _love_ you, Rhea. I mean it, I swear that to you.” The fragile despair is tangible in her voice and whole demeanor and she’s utterly at a loss of what to do or what to even feel.

Panic overwhelms Rhea, unable to cope with the realization Edelgard feels love for the person who is going to kill her. Self-loathing tries to take over her brain but she _must_ not let this happen, she _can’t_. She uses all her self-control to purge some of the deep self-loathing rising in her and then her thoughts go white and cold all at once.

“…I hate you.”

It sounds weak and unconvincing as her voice is raw and trembling. It’s clearly a lie to both Edelgard and herself in a pathetic attempt to create the distance between them she is desperate for.

One glance at Edelgard however tells Rhea that it was enough to convince her and after bursting and breaking, her heart now finally shatters completely into nothing.

Wide eyed and with tears welling up in them Edelgard clumsily scrambles away in a frantic panic, letting herself fall over backwards on the ground and using her hands to drag herself further away from Rhea.

She give Rhea a look that’s nothing but deep hurt and the inability to cope.

“But… but then why did you call me yours?”

Her voice is so utterly tiny and fragile Rhea might just break in several more ways and she promptly loses the strength to say anything as her senses are now relentlessly being flooded by hatred for herself and her _pathetic_ weakness.

After a few painful seconds of silence it becomes too much for her and the urge to flee –to get away- finally wins from her.

Unable to as much as glance at the broken girl she unceremoniously yanks up her undergarments and all but rushes for the door.

When it falls in the lock behind her she feels her own tears start to fall. Half in panic and half desperate she makes her way out of the dungeons, but she isn’t even close to the exit when she realizes she’ll have to pass the guards.

And Rhea looks thoroughly fucked, in both senses of the word.

Not really looking forward to being seen like that she changes tactics and Warps out of the dungeons instead, appearing a moment later in her private chambers.

Warping is strictly forbidden within the Monastery and there are numerous spells in place to block and detect the spell. Luckily, it’s Rhea herself who is the owner and the one who wove those spells. And while it’s technically also forbidden to her, only Flayn and Seteth have the ability to detect it if they were to try.

So for the time being she should be getting away with it.

And now she’s in her room.

Alone.

Actually, not alone.

Just alone with her thoughts, feelings and memories which are all taking turns to assault her feeble mind.

For in what seems like forever Rhea is in deep turmoil. She thought she’d feel shame or grief, and indeed at first she feels tears roll down her cheeks.

But then the anger takes over.

Anger at herself, most of all.

She doesn’t hate Edelgard, she hates _herself_ –if only in this moment, if only for her actions.

How could she have been so pathetically weak? How could she have told Edelgard she hates her? How could she crush the heart of the woman she loves because she herself can’t cope with everything around the two of them and then has the despicable _nerve_ to leave her all alone in a prison cell with no knowledge if she’ll even see Rhea again before the day of her execution.

This is something so utterly unworthy of her role as Archbishop. In fact, Rhea thinks she might just have lost the right to remain in that position now. …Even if no one knows.

She sighs in frustration. She could easily get away with her crime of hurting Edelgard, no one will know. N one ever knows, no one never holds Rhea responsible for any of the numerous things she sometimes wishes they would. Perhaps then she'd feel as guilty as she often thinks she should...

But now, for the first time, Rhea feels the self-destructive need to ensure that everyone who matters will know how despicable she and her actions to Edelgard where because she wants them to dethrone her from the position of Archbishop. She wants her crimes to have consequences for once.

Just for once she wants to be punished like any human would, instead of being revered like something infallible and flawless.

She glances at herself in the mirror and all her religious attire and decorative headpieces suddenly utterly disgust her. Overwhelmed by her need to get out of them, to be her true self who isn’t hiding behind masks and personas that just seem horrifying and disgusting to her now she moves to aggressively take everything off.

She yanks the headpieces from her hair without undoing any of the clasps. It hurts and she can feel some strands of hair being torn or cut shorter. The pain pleases her, serving to ground her in the idea that what she’s doing is what she needs to do.

The golden headpiece is thrown into a corner on the carpeted floor. It doesn’t break this time either but Rhea can’t find it in herself to care. She forcefully removes the delicate chains that serve as her crown and throws them into the corner as well.

She briefly hesitates with the lilies- they’re magical and never wither- but the urge to destroy all of her Archbishop self is overpowering and so she yanks both of them out of her hair and crumples the both of them into a ball of dented flower petals before she adds them to the growing pile.

She takes of her shoes with ease, they are always hidden by her flowing robes, simple brown ones with leather straps that comfortable keep her feet in place while still showing some parts of her feet and toes. She doesn’t bother undoing the small belt that opens the shoes normally but instead roughly pulls the leather band on the back of her foot, her heel and forces it down so she can slip her foot out. When both are out they meet the wall with force a mere moment later.

Her dark robe comes off with haste, with clunky and rigid movements it’s off in seconds and she throws it hard against the wall where it crumples to the floor right next to her hair ornaments. Finally she can get the despicable ceremonial dress of. It’s supposed to represent her holiness and her pure connection to the divine.

The thought makes her anger grow.

The tight fabric of her white dress always made it a little bit of a puzzle to take off, one she could solve now with practiced ease, but still it required patience, care and right now she can’t cope with the thought of showing even a shred of respect for garments which are supposed to show the world of her inner virtue.

What a farce.

So she tears it off, first grabbing the golden ornament above her breasts to keep the dress in shape and twists and pulls hard enough until it comes loose, leaving a hole in the garment where it was torn away.

After the thing meets its fate with the wall Rhea grabs the edge of the fabric just above her breasts and with some force she rips it apart. She keeps using more force –having to exert herself only slightly- and keeps forcing the dress to sever more and more. It tears open until about the height of her knees. Rhea grabs the now torn fabric on each side and with a strong yank she splits it down to the bottom. Now that the dress is fully torn from top to bottom she feverishly worms herself out of it, yanking on the sleeves and almost aggressively throwing it towards the crumpled robe.

The dress weights way too little and instead flutters pathetically in the air before landing somewhere in front of the robe. The dissatisfaction at the way the dress moved and flowed angers her even more. With frustration she undoes the wrappings surrounding her breasts –the usually so comforting linen that lets her move around without her breasts also moving around- now serving as another kind of suffocating falsehood. She tugs on it harshly and accidentally tightens the linen at first. The pained sensation of her breasts being somewhat crushed is slightly calming, both because pain subdues her angry state somewhat and because it helps to ground her.

She finds the patience to undo it properly and finally the linen come off. This time instead of throwing it she takes the few steps over to her growing pile of clothes and just drops it on top of the rest, watching as it twirls in the air until it reaches the clothes below.

Only her undergarments are left and for the first time it utterly disgusts her how even those are considered religious and ceremonial attire. What part of her is really Rhea if every single piece of clothing she wears –even one no one is ever supposed to see- is meant to make her someone else?

When she takes it off she becomes aware the garment is still damp, along with more dried up wetness and instantly she’s unable to look at it because of her shame, self-hatred, and her unwillingness to think of what has transpired for that to happen. It’s off in one smooth movement and Rhea wants it out of her sight as quickly as possible.

Instead of also throwing it on the miserable pile of her tarnished Archbishop persona a now fully naked Rhea instead moves to grab and carry all of it in her arms and heads to her bathroom where she roughly stuffs it in one of the closets on top of some clean towels. They aren’t closets meant to hold disposed holy garments but Rhea has little possessions and ample space when it comes to bathroom requirements.

She sighs deeply and finally some of her rage subsides.

Being naked makes her feel exposed, barren and unable to hide her true self. It feels good, even if there is no one to see her like this, because it means for once she can’t hide from _herself._

Good, for someone who has spent so long judging, forgiving and punishing other people’s sins it’s time she’d do the same to herself.

She spends a long time pacing through her room, occasionally sitting down or rummaging through her belongings –deep in thought, fully accepting the way her mind and emotions assault her relentlessly. For once she'll let herself feel all the hurt that comes with a guilty consciousness. Going outside to sit on the balcony and feel the last rays of the sun and the first coldness of the evening is tempting, but it’s not yet dark enough and even though her balcony shouldn’t be that visible she’d rather not risk being caught nude by someone else.

Her thoughts go from Edelgard, to the war she caused, to the Goddess and the Faith, to her own feelings and mistakes and everything in between. She can’t make sense of it. Or rather, she can’t make sense of what to do or what to feel.

Looking back she can see now how numerous smaller and bigger factors have let to this exact scenario. Several of those being Rhea’s own actions and feelings, some of them are Edelgard’s, a minority of the factors are simply unrelated factors that happened to tie in to the bigger picture and last but not least, Those Who Slither might not have committed many direct actions to get Rhea and Edelgard where they are but they certainly are a big reason as to why everything all crumbled the way it did. They influenced so many parties from the sidelines that they managed to glue everything perfectly together so they would come out victorious.

Rhea briefly wonders if it was also their influence that she’d fall in love with Edelgard, which is already a horrifying thought on its own, but with a deep sense of dread and fear she finds herself terrified at the thought that maybe _Edelgard_ was in on that plan and has been manipulating and playing with her all along.

For a moment it feels like she can’t breathe, overwhelmed by the fear of truly being hurt and betrayed so deeply. But then several of Edelgard’s words and smiles enter her mind and the ice in Rhea’s heart melts instantly.

The young woman was always so guarded, so distant and so inexperienced with love, utterly unable to connect with anyone. There is no way that Edelgard could fake baring her very soul to Rhea knowing full well Rhea could trample on it at any given moment, to let Rhea see her cry at the knowledge she’d never be a mother she so desperately wanted to be, to admit her numerous fears to Rhea and act on all kinds of trust that grew between them. Edelgard told her with such vulnerability that she loved her, only to break with equal vulnerability when Rhea told her she hated her.

No longer gripped by the fear of having been betrayed by Edelgard she’s once more gripped by the anger of having betrayed Edelgard herself.

And finally the tears come.

She slumps down against the side of her bed and wraps her arms around her knees as she rests her head on them. Her cries and sobs sound ugly to herself and she feels pathetic for wallowing in self-pity like this.

She’s completely unworthy of Edelgard’s love, all she can do is hurt her.

Hurt her because Rhea is too weak to cope with the imminent loss of Edelgard.

Hurt her because a land filled with strangers who don’t have the slightest idea who the two of them truly are need the peace of mind that will come with Edelgard’s death.

Hurt her because she’s being played by a group she wants dead as much as they want her dead and instead of doing that she pointed her blade at just another victim of their cruelty and stabbed Edelgard right in the heart.

Hurt her because Rhea has forgotten how to love someone properly after her Mother died.

She sighs deeply and with that her anger lessens and weariness takes over.

Her crying quiets down until there are only a few silent tears rolling down her cheek.

Rhea needs to talk to someone, to reflect herself of. She can’t figure out what to do or what to feel on her own, she’s in this too deep and her emotions make rational thought nearly impossible.

She groans in frustration because no matter who she thinks of, the only possible person she can talk to is _Seteth._

And she knows her brother, with his very clear and deep distaste for Edelgard, will not enjoy hearing this.

She briefly entertains the option of instead finding some guard or bishop and spend a good two hours explaining everything they needs to know before she can even begin to tell them what happened and what her turmoil is.

With bitter amusement she waves the thought away, there isn’t a single scenario where that ends up being even remotely beneficial popping up in her head.

So begrudgingly she gets up to get dressed. It’s well past dinnertime now, so Seteth should be in their shared chambers somewhere. The only resemblance of a living room they have. It even has some sort of kitchen but seeing as dinner is either served in the dining hall or brought to their private quarters the most they ever make there are simple lunches.

She avoids the walk in closet because it’s filled with nothing but duplicate religious attires –some with minor variations- and other ceremonial robes and dresses. Instead she goes to her more personal closet, one she hasn’t used in a long time because even if she leaves the Monastery these days it’s usually on business related to the Church. And once she retires for the evening she always opts for nightgowns and robes, which are in yet another closet.

Opening the doors to the closet is almost nostalgic and she looks fondly at some of the clothes in there. They contain memories, some happier than others, but all kinds of memories are important to her after having lived so long.

She doesn’t give herself much time to dwell on her thoughts and instead focuses on what to wear. She picks a long and simple dark gray dress –and with little light it looks more black than gray, which she finds fitting for a fallen Archbishop. She also grabs a vest, in a tint somewhere between brown and red.

She looks and feels more comfortable, more _human_ than she has in years.

When she glances at herself in the mirror she laughs. She looks like a mess, her tears have long dried but she’s pale and her eyes are still red from crying. Not to mention her hair, unruly and messy for not being held in shape by her usual headpieces and after being subjected to Rhea’s rough method of taking them out of her hair. Her hair is also suddenly uncomfortably long to her.

She rummages through some of her belongings in the drawers of her vanity until she finds a simple black hair tie. She considers it perfect, adding to her need to look anything but regal or even proper. She ties her hair backwards into a loose ponytail with several strands falling to the sides. It looks messy but not unkempt.

She moves to the full body mirror on the door of one of her closets and looks at herself. To her surprise she feels a surge of happiness when she does so. She looks so… humble and human. As if she’s someone who is allowed to make mistakes, because those mistakes won’t impact the future of the world.

Would this be what her life had been like if she had followed the urge to hide from the world and live peacefully in some cabin in seclusion? She had entertained the thought after the death of Nemesis but ultimately couldn’t resist staying more involved in the world for so many reasons which seemed so important to her back then. Some of those remained and are still important now, like bringing her Mother back one day, but she realizes that many of the other reasons have slipped her mind over the many centuries that have passed.

She gives herself a sad smile in the mirror. Rhea knows herself. Knows herself well enough that while she’d certainly enjoy hiding from the world in simple clothes with a simple house, spending her time reading and the like…she wouldn’t find peace in that for very long.

Rhea knows she’s twisted and if she’s stagnant for too long unrest starts to stir in her. She’s a War Saint after all, and War Saints enjoy war. And while Rhea has long curb stomped the crude need in her to simply pierce her enemies with her sword, the struggle for power and political fights across Fodlan have instead become the thing that always draws Rhea in, tempted by her need for power and control –although she only lets herself do so if she believes it’s just and for the greater good.

She purposely ignores how it’s technically also _her_ who decides what is just.

Edelgard and her equally deep fascination and enjoyment in playing with power might just have been what Rhea –and maybe even Fodlan- needed to find peace.

The thought startles her and the pain of both having hurt Edelgard and the inevitable loss of her come back at once.

Unable to look at herself for a moment longer she exits her chambers and makes her way to their shared household. On the way there she has half a thought to see if she needs to rotate the guards because she doesn’t really want them to think she’s _still_ down there with Edelgard, but much to her relief they had been rotated while she was down there.

When she opens the door to what is their resemblance of a living room she finds Seteth sitting on the long table they have, reading some papers under the candlelight.

“Seteth,” she utters stiffly to draw his attention.

She closes the door behind her while he looks up to her. Immediately his eyes widen and worry creeps into his features. “…Rhea, are you alright?” It’s not hard to guess why the mere sight of her worries him. She hasn’t looked this… normal in years and she’s sure the evidence of her earlier crying is still apparent on her face.

“No,” she admits bluntly, openly. “No, I’m not alright.”

“Auntie?” She hears coming from the side and a moment later Flayn appears, having apparently been standing around the corner, near the counter. “You… you look different than usual,” she says politely.

The prospect of Flayn also being present to witness her unceremonious fall from grace isn’t a pleasant one, but Rhea is too worn out to do anything about it.

“I messed up, a-and I need your help,” she tells the both of them in an unsteady voice.

Both of their eyes widen in surprise now. Rhea is not someone who asks for help, as she knows she’s slightly overconfident in her ability to solve things herself, no matter how… unethical the solution might up being.

Rhea hasn't asked for help, or reached out to them in so long now that both her family members look at her with equal concern in their features.

That’s nice of them, Rhea thinks. But she doesn’t feel like their expressions convey just how _much_ they ought to be concerned.

“I fucked up.” She says. “Badly.”

Seteth’s head twists to look at Flayn in horror so quickly Rhea briefly worries if he might pull a muscle while Flayn just stares at her with her mouth slightly open and an expression that screams ‘Aunty said a swear word, oh!’

Instead of either of them commenting on her choice of words – it would have been with Seteth in indignant anger and Flayn in curiosity and playful chiding- they both look at Rhea with what Rhea now thinks is an appropriate amount of worry, worthy of how badly she messed up.

Because _yes, aunty said a swear word_ and that’s almost a crime among the three of them, a result of their old-fashioned and dignified habits instilled in them, courtesy of their longevity.

Seteth forgoes his anger at Rhea for swearing in front of his daughter and with understanding and worry he monitors for her to sit across from him.

She does so gratefully while Flayn walks over to the head of the table and leans against it with her hips, intent on involving herself in the conversation to follow.

They stare at her with an expectant expression and it takes Rhea too long to realize she’s going to have to explain herself now. She promptly realizes she hasn’t thought this over at all and has no idea where to start.

“I… uhm…well,” she starts clumsily, incredibly nervous all of a sudden. “Something happened,” she says, damn well knowing she only said it because it’s safe and so non-saying that it won’t help her family know what’s going on at all.

“…Yes sister, I understand that much.” Seteth’s voice is gentle and reassuring but Rhea still hears the edge in it.

He’s tense, just like her.

She takes a deep breath and gathers her courage, hoping she can shut off her emotions enough to get the truth of her chest.

“The two of you are well aware I visited Edelgard in her cell today,” she starts, telling them the obvious is the least difficult and ensures they now at least know the topic of her problem.

The both of them nod and make a sound of acknowledgement, Seteth sounding slightly more on edge than his daughter.

Well, there is no way back now.

“The war prisoner told me she’s in love with me,” Rhea blurts out, purposely making her words sound formal, _distant_ and conveniently starting with the tail end of the story because that part is the least incriminating for her.

Before either of them can say something (she can see the gears in their minds turn rapidly to come up with a response) she quickly continues.

“And then I told her I hate her,” she mutters weakly and glances down in shame, suddenly unable to look her family in the eyes.

“…And then I fled,” she adds quietly towards the table, wondering if the shame she feels can be heard in her voice somehow.

Both her family members are quiet, unbearably long so. It eats at her patience and she caves in by looking up again, right into the eyes of her brother. He looks at her with confusion but also as if he’s very unwilling to consider any of the implications clinging to Rhea’s words.

“You realize that that was likely a last ditch effort of her to escape her fate, right?” he asks her warily, as if he needs Rhea’s believe in his assumption in order to fully believe it himself.

“N-no, I don’t think that was why she said it,” Rhea stutters and feels herself pale while her heart is racing.

“Then _why,_ sister?” Seteth says, his voice still gentle but now with equal discomfort and a slight edge in his tone.

“Because I think she’s truly in l-love with me,” Rhea struggles to say, her courage and ability to speak quickly dwindling.

She’s already faltering and this is only Edelgard’s feelings they’ve hardly touched upon. How is she going to talk about her _own_ feelings and everything that happened? She pales even more at the thought.

Seteth chuckles wryly. “Your faith in the goodness of people graces you Rhea, but surely you cannot be so naïve as to believe that a convict unworthy of redemption such as her is truly in love with you? I am convinced she’s incapable of feeling love at all, if only because of what she turned herself into throughout the years.”

Rhea wants to say many things in protest and instead says none of them. She briefly glances at Flayn and to her surprise her niece seems to be considering entirely different things than her father is. Her eyes are slightly narrowed and she looks at Rhea with unfocused eyes as if she’s trying to connect certain things in her head. Whatever thoughts are swirling in her head, she doesn’t share her father’s blatant disbelief in Rhea’s claim.

“Rhea,” her brother says slightly sternly to draw her attention. “…You don’t actually believe her, do you?”

Rhea somehow finds the strength to nod weakly.

She receives an incredulous look.

“…And what, pray tell me, led you to believe her?”

“I have… several personal experiences that serve as proof to believe her claim,” she manages to say, it’s again cryptic, vague and overly formal but that’s the only way she can get this across. She needs to keep her feelings out of this as long as possible if she wants to be able to keep talking.

“Proof,” Seteth says, his voice thin. “What kind of proof?”

Rhea balks at the question and in the corner of her eyes she sees Flayn’s eyes widen as she stifles a gasp, leading Rhea to suspect the girl already knows a lot more than her father.

She’s not sure if that’s a relief or just more mortifying to her.

Seteth is still looking at her expectantly and Rhea can see his patience begin to waver.

“I uhm… I might have been a little intimate with the prisoner,” she says flatly.

No, that’s probably not really accurate, she thinks to herself. It doesn’t get the point across at all.

“A lot, maybe. I’ve been intimate with the prisoner a lot.” She has no idea how she even managed to vocalize that but the moment she does so she immediately regrets it because now it sounds like there have been many occurrences of intimacy instead of the one serious moment of intimacy she’s referring to.

Or maybe two. Or even three. Depending on the definition of intimacy it could probably go a lot higher, Edelgard did straddle her a lot before they had even kissed. Oh, and is having someone in your lap while you lightly choke them as your other hand is intertwined with their fingers considered intimate?

Rhea realizes she’s trying to distract herself from the verbal onslaught she’s about to subject herself to and tries to alter her phrasing one last time in a vain attempt to convey her meaning better.

“I’ve been a medium amount of intimate with the prisoner.” She settles on.

It sounds lame, pathetic even and she wishes she could sink through her chair, then the floor and right into the solid ground deep under the Monastery to just curl up and stay there forever.

Seteth needs a moment to let her words settle and regain his ability to speak, looking at her unsettled and glaring the whole time.

“You’ve been a medium amount of…Rhea what the _hell?!_ ” he all but yells at her.

Rhea inadvertently makes herself look smaller, hunching her shoulders and lowering her head.

At her silence a garbled sound comes from Seteth’s mouth. “I’m sorry sister, I fear I’m a little behind on the modern slang for physical interactions. Does ‘ _medium amount of intimate_ ’ mean that you…that you _kissed_ with the prisoner?” he asks her full of disbelief and accusation.

“Among other things, yes,” Rhea responds rather dryly.

She might be going insane -both from having fallen in love with Edelgard of all people and for being subjected to the torture of having to confess that to her family- so she may as well amuse herself while losing it. Or perhaps she will go insane if she _doesn’t_ amuse herself while being subjected to this verbal onslaught.

Either way, her brother doesn’t share her amusement. “Among other… Rhea, please… _please_ put my mind at ease and tell me you didn’t sleep with the damn prisoner.” His voice is thin and his expression is so icily stoic it makes her want to gulp.

Rhea briefly thinks about going with the classic ‘well, we didn’t do much sleeping’ but she considers the possibility that Seteth might have a heart attack at hearing that likely –and if he doesn’t he might just kill Rhea instead.

So she decides to just come clean and face the consequences. “I did, yes,” she manages to say before she loses her courage and lowers her head, beginning to intently analyzing the table again.

Seteth makes some kind of strangled noise in the back of his throat as he tries to let Rhea’s confession settle in his mind –which is hard because it contradicts basically everything he knows about both Rhea and Edelgard, the thought shouldn’t make any sense whatsoever.

It doesn’t make any sense.

But then again humans tend to make very little sense when it comes down to it –especially when it involves matters of the heart.

And Rhea doesn't tend to make a lot of sense in general either, not to other people and certainly not at first glance. 

Neither Rhea nor Seteth seem to know what to say, both too choked up by various confliction feelings.

Flayn however, seems to have no such problems and uses their silence to finally mingle herself in their conversation.

“You… you made love to another woman?” she says just a little overly curiously.

Rhea inwardly cringes at her use of such a flowery term, as if what they did was similar to something a husband and wife do to conceive a child.

She looks at Flayn and finds there only gentle –if slightly too eager- curiosity. It is miles more approachable than Seteth’s barely contained barrage of conflicting emotions so she can find it in herself to respond.

“Yes Flayn, I’m… I’m really sorry to disappoint you like this,” she says in earnestly. She’s a disgrace and her family ought to know.

Flayn gives her a small reassuring smile and slightly shakes her head. “Apologies come later Aunt,” she simply says. “You have gotten yourself in a difficult situation it seems. First you’ll have to solve that, then you can come apologize,” she tells Rhea in an odd mix between kindly and sternly. “Because you’ll certainly need to apologize,” the girl adds seriously, yet with a small smirk ghosting on her lips

Rhea blinks several times and feels thankful for her niece’s more emphatic approach.

But then Flayn gets an odd look in her eyes and she flusters slightly.

“Uhm… how exactly does that work?” she asks and Rhea feels her stomach sink.

And then Flayn, -sweet, innocent, naïve Flayn who does _not_ have her priorities in order- somehow manages to make everything much worse. She raises her hand in front of her own face and points her index finger upwards. “Without a… uhm,” she says sheepishly and then _wiggles_ her finger. “A you _know_ …”

Both brother and sister are momentarily unified in their equally mortification by Flayn’s finger motions and their less than subtle implications.

Seteth pales and loses the ability to say anything at all.

Rhea pales and loses to ability to consider what she’s saying.

“With her mouth in between my thighs, Flayn.”

“ _RHEA_!” her brother screams at her angrily and Rhea thinks that she absolutely deserved that.

She had blurted it out impulsively, her nerves where already getting to her and Flayn’s _wriggling_ just snapped something in her.

“What… what is _wrong_ with you?!” he rages on and Rhea lets him, hanging her head slightly in shame but not avoiding his gaze in an attempt to fully take responsibility for her trespassing.

Before Rhea can think of saying anything which might work in her favor Flayn speaks up instead. “O-oh, yes… I had heard something about that being a thing nowadays... uhm…yes that makes sense then,” the girl mumbles, flustered but clearly fascinated by the concept.

Seteth momentarily redirects his intensity on his daughter. “Flayn, please leave us. It seems your aunt has lost her mind and I don’t want you having to hear of any more sins she has committed …or my responses to her when she admits them,” he asks her gently yet sternly.

Flayn sputters in protest. “But I am _far_ older than Edelgard, it makes no sense to send me away,” Is one of her many arguments and it inadvertently unnerves Rhea (Oh, Goddess the human girl is so _young_.) but Seteth’s will is unwavering and he’s currently too aggravated with Rhea to be lenient with his daughter, and likely too afraid Rhea might taint his ‘innocent’ daughter even more.

Finally Flayn relents and gives in. She deliberately walks past Rhea when she heads for the door and pads her lightly on the shoulder. “Good luck Auntie,” she says hushed and amusingly conniving.

Rhea gives her a grateful smile and some of the tension in her dissipates.

When the girl is almost at the door she calls after her. “Oh, and Flayn?”

The girl turns around in the door-frame. “Hmm?”

“It’s not a recent thing, humans have been doing that since the dawn of civilization.”

 _“Rhea!”_ her brother immediately hisses again and Rhea has to struggle not to grin. Edelgard and her urge to spread chaos must be rubbing off on her, she muses to herself.

Flayn’s eyes light up with mirth and fascination. “Oh! Thank you aunt, that’s _very_ interesting.”

“Flayn out! _Now_ ,” Seteth urges –almost commands- his daughter.

The girl nods before closing the door behind her and Rhea can hear muffled laughter fade into nothing.

Rhea’s slight moment of reprieve is taken from her rather crudely when she realizes she’s now alone with a brother who is less than pleased by her antics…so far.

She still has to tell him the rest.

He’s glaring at her and Rhea fiercely wishes she could just have written him a letter or something.

“It’s time we have long and good talk _sister,_ ” he tells her curtly, his voice thin and cold as ice.

She gulps.

But then she nods because she deserves this –needs this- no matter how unpleasant it’s going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the sudden angst, it feels so good but I hate myself.
> 
> Also the day my bilingual ass will stop writing 'worship' as 'whoresip' is the day I am worth of finally getting my bachelor's degree. 
> 
> And oh oh, get this. The poem Edelgard recites is partly from Sappho (Yes, that one) combined with a version expanded on by a man for his lover... who was called Lesbia.
> 
> I have a terrible weakness for terrible wordplay, puns and linguistic coincidences so I could _not_ leave that out.
> 
> Also writhing Seteth absolutely seething at his sister for her shady antics is my jam and look forward to more.
> 
> I seriously felt so bad for the man throughout the game. He damn well knows his devious sister is up to no good with her shady experiments and flaky smiles and words but since she's the damn Archbishop and he somehow got stuck with being almost like a servant to her he's powerless to stop her.


	11. Flayn and the Harlot Emperor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had first written the chapter coming after this one. But some of your comments said it would be interesting to see Flayn visit Edelgard. I tried worming it into my chapter but it became long enough on its own so now it's an extra chapter before the next one. I want to tweak that one a little bit, as it has a lot of lore mingling with my headcanon based on hints and facts.  
> So that will be up in a few days. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

She feels her heart begin to race the second she detects the distinct sound of footsteps in the distance.

It drops a mere moment later when she realizes they aren’t _hers._

She hates it. Hates how she’s now able to recognize the way her footsteps sound – in her own unique sort of way that makes it sound like she’s s almost gliding, so light yet steady.

Hates how her heart always races, hammers, swells inside her chest when she hears the familiar sound.

Like she’s been conditioned like some sort of _animal_ in a cage, waiting eagerly for its master to return –because that’s its whole world, all that matters to it.

…But then what’s different between that and her? Isn’t that exactly what Rhea turned her into? Keeping her chained, isolated and ensuring her whole life revolved around the unpredictable visits of Archbishop as the woman steadily torn down her walls until Edelgard was all but dependent on her.

She wants to be angry with the woman, she knows she has every right to be. Emotionally manipulating and toying with a prisoner for her own enjoyment, it’s a crime. A true breach of the law, even in times of war, and Rhea could be imprisoned for it.

Not like there is even a remote chance she will be, the Archbishop is an expert at hiding anything she doesn’t want to come to light, and even if it would Edelgard has no doubt the woman has the power and charm to skillfully dance around any sort of consequences.

At least torture and interrogation usually has the underlying purpose of gaining information.

But this? Even before Edelgard had become Rhea’s prisoner she had known full well how powerless and vulnerable a prisoner truly is, especially emotionally, and still she willingly played that part.

So instead of being angry with Rhea she’s only angry with herself.

Angry and amused, because she can’t help but see the poetic irony of spending her whole life carefully caging her heart in exchange for power, only to free her heart once she herself was caged and powerless.

She sighs.

Because despite how her logical mind tells her how she should hate Rhea, she still only feels love.

And no matter what –no matter how Rhea has or will hurt her- that feeling will remain precious to her until her last breath. It’s her _own_ feeling and she’ll allow no one, not even Rhea, to take it from her.

The footsteps are close enough now that Edelgard can hear them clearly. They’re quick, light and even.

Not a guard or bishop, their clothing alone would make the sound much heavier and slow.

No, this person isn’t wearing anything that affects them, it has to be a comfortable fabric made to be worn with daily ease.

And even then the footsteps are still sound light- too light for an adult, a trained, muscular one at least.

…A student?

Edelgard can’t phantom what purpose a student would have here, or how they would even get clearance to enter. The dungeons were always heavily guarded and one of the many places in the Monastery which were strictly forbidden for students to enter.

Perhaps Rhea simply has some sort of message for her and doesn’t have enough care in her anymore to come tell it to Edelgard herself, instead opting to use one of the students as her personal lackey.

Not impossible but still very unlikely.

In the time she’s been in here she hasn’t heard a single other prisoner nor the sound of guards visiting other cells so she has long concluded she was the only one being kept here, a dubious honor at best.

So whoever it is, they’re here for her.

The footsteps still in front of the door to Edelgard’s cell as expected.

The door doesn’t open, as if the person on the other side is hesitating, unsure of themselves, and Edelgard finds herself thinking that this is likely a more personal visit then, instead of a formal one.

There are very little people here who have both personal business with Edelgard and the clearance to visit her.

But she can think of a few who have personal business with Rhea _and_ the clearance to visit her.

When she concludes who it is she quickly sits up more straight on her bed, crosses her legs in front of her and ensures her dress covers her scars. She masks her surprise just in time before the door opens with an almost enthusiastic swing.

“Flayn,” she greets curtly, sounding just short of rude.

She feigns disinterest but is keenly aware the dark circles under her still reddened and slightly swollen eyelids give away that until recently she was feeling anything but disinterested.

“Edelgard,” Flayn greets her much more politely in return, nodding with an equally polite, even friendly, smile on her lips.

Edelgard only needs to give her a short glance to see her whole composure is one of genuine kindness and politeness, she even seems open in a way.

Yet she can also clearly tell that Flayn holds no personal feelings of friendship or kindness for Edelgard whatsoever. A pang of guilt stirs in her heart, for Flayn has more right and reason than most to hate Edelgard… and that says something.

But Flayn is someone who seems determent to be persistently friendly and polite to everyone as long as the situation permits her to do so.

A moment passes.

Flayn doesn’t say anything.

Another moment passes.

Edelgard catches her subtly shifting her weight from one foot to another and realizes Flayn is unsure on how to begin, or maybe even why she came her in the first place.

She chuckles lightly, drawing a curious glance from the young girl.

“I’m sorry,” she tells her. “But your way of visiting me is exactly like her,” she explains with a slight grin.

“She?” A look of recognition crosses her features. “Oh, you mean Lady Rhea.”

Edelgard hums in confirmation. “It’s not like I got many other visitors,” she shrugs. “But each time she visited she either had no clue on how start talking about her reason for visiting or promptly seemed to realize she didn’t have a reason to visit in the first place… just like you right now,” she points out to Flayn, with just a hint of how pleased she feels with herself.

Flayn gives her a sheepish smile. “I didn’t exactly make any preparations, no,” she admits.

“So do I need to guess what the occasion for this surprise visit is or do I need to help you come up with one?” Edelgard asks her rather bluntly.

It’s not like she’s angry or annoyed with Flayn’s presence but it does make her uncomfortable. And so Edelgard does what Edelgard does best when she feels that way, make the other person equally uncomfortable.

But she can’t deny the slight way she feels amused and is sure there is a hint of a smile ghosting on her lips. She finds herself hoping Flayn sees her crude response for what it is and won’t be offended.

The girl does and seems even more amused than Edelgard. She shakes her head lightly. “No, that won’t be necessary, but thank you for your kind offer,” she jokes. “I’ll admit that my reason for this visit is somewhat vague, though. So it’s hard to put it into words.”

“Vague, how so?”

“Hmm, it was a feeling more so than a reason, I suppose,” Flayn muses, raising a finger to her chin and seems to be considering something.

“A feeling,” Edelgard echoes. “May I be so bold as to ask which one, or is that too personal?” she grins.

“Curiosity,” Flayn states simply.

Not exactly the kind of feeling Edelgard was expecting, but not too surprising either. It causes her to suspect Rhea has said _something_ to the green haired girl however, and that’s an uncomfortable thought.

“Curious about what?” she asks, careful not to show her slight feeling of wariness.

“You.”

Oh wonderful, _another one._ Edelgard did not spend the last two weeks or so of her life being subjected to the curiosity of a religious fanatic with a rather feeble grasp on humanity only to be forced to do it all over again with the smaller and less emotionally explosive version of her.

…Well she wouldn’t do _all_ of it over again, she thinks to herself wryly. Goddess, no. Not in a million years.

“I’m afraid I’m not very interesting,” she says somewhat stiffly. “At least not to you,” she adds stubbornly, unwilling to call herself boring.

“Hmm, I do have to agree there,” Flayn hums. “You have never really held my interest, truly you’d only cross my mind as a political enemy, a concept rather than a human, and that is no longer of any relevance,” Flayn tells her casually, still sounding ever so friendly.

Still Edelgard has to struggle not to gasp and balk at her words because from anyone else they might be cold and formal, from _Flayn_ of all people they are downright cruel, hostile even.

It seems she has failed to fully hide her shock because Flayn’s expression softens somewhat, turning slightly apologetic, maybe even guilty. She opens her mouth to speak but Edelgard hurriedly speaks up first, fearing Flayn will apologize for something she really shouldn’t have to apologize for.

“That’s fair,” she says quickly. “I have given you very little incentive to be interested in me personally over the years… in fact, I think the both of us can agree I have done the exact opposite of that.”

The other girl seems to appreciate her comment and gives her a gentle smile.

“Very well, I can sympathize with your statement.” She pauses for a moment before speaking up once more. “It’s more that my curiosity in you was roused by… several things Lady Rhea has said about you which have piqued my interest.”

Edelgard unwillingly makes a strangled noise, suddenly overcome with dread that she’ll truly have to deal with this small version of Rhea who’s ‘interest she has piqued’ in a similar fashion to the Archbishop herself, depending on what Rhea has shared with her.

And while she still cannot fully comprehend exactly how things came this far with Rhea, she’s definitely sure she doesn’t want a repeat of events with Flayn.

Once was worse enough.

Flayn doesn’t seem to be on the same line of thinking as she is however, and her slightly worried and puzzled reaction to Edelgard’s accidental verbal slip-up makes her feel a little more at ease.

“…Exactly what did she tell you about me?” she asks, her voice too small for her own liking because it makes her sound vulnerable, out of her depth.

She has no idea what Rhea has been telling other people about her, she realizes with fear and suddenly finds herself deadly afraid of just what Flayn –or anyone else- might know.

Goddess, what if she has been telling everything to a multitude of people and they’ve been collectively laughing at her foolishness?

She can almost picture it, Rhea, her kin and their other friends in the know amusing themselves with a game to see just how much further they could make the fallen Emperor fall by pulling her strings.

“You worry too much,” she hears the other girl say, making Edelgard aware she has gone pale with fear at some point. “I’m not here to hurt you, I don’t think I know enough about you to hurt you either.”

Something lights up in Flayn’s eyes. “Oh, but now I _do_ know why I’m here.” She gives Edelgard a scrutinizing look, making her feel as if she’s about to be reprimanded by a parent or a teacher. Flayn doesn’t look a day older than when Edelgard was a student at the academy, so she has long suspected the girl is far older than she appears to be –it’s almost a widely known yet strangely accepted fact by now- but she suddenly makes Edelgard feel very, _very_ young in comparison.

“I’m here because I want to know why you caused Lady Rhea so much pain, and how you managed to do so.”

It might have been her sudden authoritative demeanor but Flayn’s words hurt Edelgard and make her feel unnervingly small.

She has to repress the urge to cry as she feels things inside her that she’s been repressing and denying bubble to the surface.

…She feels like a child being falsely accused of something they’re innocent of.

It feels unfair.

And it makes her very upset.

“Me the one who has hurt _her?_ She sputters, her voice shrill. “I’m not sure what she’s been telling you, but I can assure you that if it’s a matter of who has been hurt then it’s me _._ Not her, _me.”_ Her voice is unsteady and while she thought she felt anger she realizes that instead she only feels more pain.

Flayn remains calm, seemingly utterly unaffected by Edelgard’s loss of composure. “It’s not so much what she told me as how she’s been behaving,” she tells her.

She glances over Edelgard, as if she’s assessing her state of mind and trying to decipher the feelings Edelgard is very much trying to hide.

Inadvertently Edelgard raises a hand and roughly wipes her eyes and only when she does so does she realize that indeed tears had been welling up in them.

It makes her feel very exposed, not comfortable with being seen in such an emotional state by someone who’s intentions she can’t seem to get a grip on.

Flayn looks at her with sympathy and it only serves to make Edelgard feel even worse, yet she finds her breath still when the girl speaks up.

“Lady Rhea has been crying too, you know,” she tells her. “…Because of you.”

Edelgard doesn’t want to believe it, too wary that it could be a lie, another trick, yet still she feels more tears well up in her eyes uncontrollably.

“I thought you might have had found a way to get some kind of revenge but I see now you truly believe she hurt you as well.”

“I don’t _believe_ she did, I insist so,” Edelgard retorts impulsively.

Flayn once again seems unperturbed by her lack of composure. “So you claim,” she muses calmly.

Edelgard glares angrily at her.

“Hmm, perhaps I’ve been looking at this all wrong,” the girl suddenly says. “It’s not a question of who has hurt who, but rather how it is that the two of you have come to be so hurt by each other.”

Edelgard gives her another glare. “That’s none of your business,” she hisses defensively.

“Your pain might not be, no. But Lady Rhea’s pain very much is, as I care for her deeply.”

“Then go ask her if you want to know about her feelings so much,” Edelgard tells the girl curtly.

To her surprise Flayn’s eyes turn mirthful and she lets out a quiet laugh. “I would, but I’m afraid my brother is doing that already this very moment.”

“What? She’s… she’s talking to Seteth right now… about me?” She doesn’t like how she can’t quite get the fear out of her voice at the thought.

Flayn’s smile widens. “Yes, and you wouldn’t believe it but they kicked me out,” she scoffs in mock offense. “Like I’m a child.”

“Well, you do look like one,” Edelgard tells her flatly, considering that maybe Flayn forgot that bit for a moment.

“Hmm.” Is the only, very mischievously sounding, response she gets.

It’s the final straw that causes Edelgard to address the obvious thing everyone always seems to politely ignore.

“You don’t act like one.”

Flayn sighs wistfully. “I try to, but it’s very tiresome sometimes.”

“…How old are you really?” It feels as if she’s breaking some widely known unspoken rule and is asking something very forbidden.

“Older than you.”

Edelgard feels strangely sheepish and bemused by her words. “That… that only marginally narrows it down.” Although it does confirm Flayn is several years older than she appears to be, at least an adult, and that’s a very strange thing to try and wrap her mind around.

“Younger than Lady Rhea.”

“You share her habit of being very vague and cryptic,” Edelgard says accusingly, frustrated by these unhelpful but still concerning replies. “Is it a thing that comes with the age?”

Flayn grins in a way that makes Edelgard feel as if she couldn’t begin to understand everything that comes with Flayn and her age.

“When you were Emperor and… well say you had a horrible and sleepless night, because of nightmares, pain, sickness, something like that and the next morning all kinds of people who don’t know you very well would be asking after the reason for the bags under your eyes, would you tell them the truth?”

Edelgard ponders her question for a moment. “No,” she admits. “But I would reprimand them for asking after my personal life and questioning an Emepror’s strength, if necessary I’d come up with a reason that would be fitting for an Emperor, like telling them I stayed up very late to work through important documents. I wouldn’t be nothing but vague responses and wave off all questions with kind smiles.”

“Well perhaps it’s an age thing then,” Flayn shrugs. “Or maybe just the difference between you and me. I prefer being kind and polite over your habit of being, direct, deflecting and commanding. Even when it comes to dealing with questions I do not with someone to know the answer to. Because even if it means people see me as vague at times, at least I can let myself be close to them, while your method keeps everyone at a distance.”

Edelgard scoffs, offended at the accusation.

She doesn’t necessarily disagree with Flayn’s claim, she just considers it rude the girl would dare tell her so.

“I feel it’s you who is being very direct right now, although _also_ very personal,” she tells Flayn instead.

She gets an apologetic look in return. “You’re right, I might have been too intrusive in my curiosity. I meant it when I said I wasn’t here to cause you any harm… although I wouldn’t necessarily avoid doing so if it meant helping Lady Rhea.”

An indignant noise escapes Edelgard lips as she raises her eyebrows at Flayn’s threatening words which do not feel threatening at all. “And what are you going to do? Punch me until Rhea feels happy?” The sarcasm evident in her tone. She doesn’t question the notion Flayn holds more power than she lets on but the image just feels ridiculous to her.

Flayn laughs and shakes her head. “No, physical violence isn’t really my forte, and what I mean is I won’t _intentionally_ hurt you. I’m not here out of anger or spite or revenge… but I want to ask you things which you will likely find hard to hear.”

The rebellious nature inside Edelgard suddenly spikes. “Try me,” she says daringly, then promptly curses herself for taking Flayn’s words as a challenge and immediately succumbing to the need to face it head-on.

Because her first impulsive thought was that there was no way Flayn could hurt her with a simple question, she was hardly ever truly hurt by people’s words.

But the quickly following, more coherent, thought was that Flayn has the advantage of having been talking to Rhea and might very well know many things about Edelgard which could hurt her very deeply.

She has half a mind to take her words back but she’s stubborn and her pride won’t let her.

Flayn seems surprised yet appreciative of her response. “Very well,” she hums and looks at Edelgard with a calculating expression for a moment.

“Are you really in love with Lady Rhea?”

Edelgard feels the blood drain from her face. She really should have expected this. Out of all the things they’ve said and done to each other this is the least incriminating for Rhea while the most exposing for Edelgard.

“I…” she tries before falling silent, frustrated with her lack of response. She forces herself back into a more distant, unfeeling state of mind, telling herself that if she could verbalize herself during war she can also do it now.

“That sounds a bit unlikely, don’t you think?” she says, trying to sound as neutral as possible. It still comes out a little strained. She _deflecting,_ nice.

“It does, yes.”

“Then why even consider the possibility?”

“Well, I trust Lady Rhea, for starters. And while I do question if you truly love her, I don’t doubt her when she says you _told_ her you do.”

Before Edelgard can come up with a proper response she’s distracted by how Flayn suddenly seems to feel slightly awkward, her eyes darting across the room as she stands up a little straighter.

“What?” Edelgard all but demands.

“She also said something I don’t think she’d lie about… something that made me consider that you do love her a possibility.”

Edelgard narrows her eyes and gives Flayn a slightly condescending look. “I’m not sure you are aware of this, but Rhea tends to lie a lot,” she can’t help to point out intently.

To her surprise Flayn’s expression turns into a sad smile. “Oh, I am very aware of that, but I don’t think she’d lie in such a way it only served to make herself look… foolish.”

“Foolish?” Edelgard questions, too tempted to be able resist learning something about Rhea that Flayn considers foolish. “What did she say?”

Flayn doesn’t hesitate for a single second.

“She said the two of you made love together.”

“She did _not_ say that!” Edelgard promptly yells, her voice shrill but this time having no problem finding words, she didn’t even have to look for them, they found her.

“I assure you she did,” Flayn affirms with a serious nod.

This is somehow making Edelgard feel much less vulnerable than the topic of her feelings, instead it only bewilders and vexes her. Although she feels heat rise in her cheeks, which frustrates her. When she looks at Flayn her expression is perfectly calm without as much as a hint of a blush, this frustrates her even more.

Edelgard makes a noise of annoyance. “But she would _never_ word it like that.” The idea alone, like they were some sort of married couple trying to conceive a child. Never. It just sounds so wrong to her, so unlike what they did.

Flayn breaks into laughter. “No, she didn’t word it like that,” she says, clearly amused. “But I’ll spare you and refrain from repeating how she did word it- actually I don’t think I could say it out loud even if I wished to.”

The girl’s every cryptic and frustrating way of speaking sparks Edelgard’s curiosity and it’s suddenly very important to her she knows exactly how Rhea phrased it.

But the sudden mischievous grin on Flayn’s face makes her uncomfortable and stops her from doing so.

“It’s interesting to know though, that you find it so important just how what you and Lady Rhea did is phrased. I’m really not asking after any details but it does give me the feeling that you care a lot about the nature of… whatever it is exactly the two of you did.”

_Fuck._

This overly friendly and polite girl somehow just managed to get her to accidentally acknowledge she indeed slept with Rhea.

It irks her to the point of annoyance. “It doesn’t matter what feeling you get, it’s none of your business,” she says curtly. “And no, it’s also none of your business if you’re prying because you care for Rhea,” she grumbles after.

“You’re right, I’m prying,” Flayn agrees, then chuckles once more. “Just to humor me, if you had to describe what you did in quantities, would it be a bit, medium or a lot,” she laughs.

Edelgard gives her a blank look. “I’m sorry… _what?_ ” She asks bemusedly and genuinely confused. “How do you even measure that sort of thing?”

The other girl waves her hand dismissively. “My apologies, never mind.” Edelgard doesn’t quite like the air of amused secrecy Flayn gives off, raising her eyebrows and giving her a look that’s equally questioning as it is displeased.

“It’s part of why I said Lady Rhea has been rather foolish in her way of handling things,” is the only extra information Edelgard gets in return for her glare. “You’ll have to ask her yourself if you want to know the specifics.”

Edelgard scoffs. She _certainly_ will because she’s very unhappy with how Rhea seemingly has been going around telling people things she really shouldn’t have while Flayn is clearly determined to only grace Edelgard with useless hints that get her nowhere.

The prospect of being able to vent and yell at Rhea, already exactly knowing how to go about it and how to word certain things, is a satisfying one.

Reassuring, even. Familiar.

…If she will return to see Edelgard again, that is.

She feels her heart sink.

_“I hate you.”_

She had no idea where this had been going and how it was going to end. Because that it would end had been a given, she never entertained the fantasy that Rhea would somehow save her from her impending death.

She hadn’t been lying to Rhea when she told her she was looking forward to her execution, she had long made peace with the certainty her life would end soon.

But she had begun to hope things would end on a brighter note, something to make her feel peaceful when she’d kneel for Rhea one last time, bowing her head and waiting for her sword to come down.

Something like a mutual agreement about how their time spend together had made them feel. She finds herself wishing she could have left some mark on Rhea like the woman had on her, that she had some kind of lasting effect on her. A change, no matter how small, that Rhea would carry with her into the future, one where Edelgard could not follow.

She supposes hate counts as something Rhea will carry with her into the future, but then again Rhea had hated her for a long time, as the Emperor she knew her to be.

…And not as Edelgard, as she had so badly wanted Rhea to get her to know her as.

It just really hurts to think that hearing Rhea tell her how she hated her might very well be the last thing she’ll ever hear the woman say to her.

“If it’s of any consolation, I too think Lady Rhea ought to visit you once more.”

Startled out of her daze, Edelgard refocuses her eyes glances up.

As her gaze lands on Flayn she realizes she had momentarily forgotten the girl was here.

“Is reading people’s minds another skill that comes with ‘the age thing’?” she mutters stiffly.

Flayn gives her a soft smile and gently shakes her head. “No, but perhaps reading people’s expressions is,” she hums.

Edelgard slowly blinks several times as she stares at Flayn with a blank look.

Or rather, what she thought was a blank look.

“You’re crying, Edelgard.”

Impulsively she brings a hand to her cheek and to her surprise her fingers do meet wet stains on her skin.

“Oh.”

What is even happening to her? Why is she emotional to the point of not even being aware of what she feels or how her body is reacting? She hates this feeling of losing control over herself. She misses the peace and clarity.

“You seem surprised.” It’s not a question.

Edelgard lets out a quiet laugh as she wipes her eyes with the palm of her hand. “Well, I tried not to make a habit out of crying, it didn’t really fit the image of the Emperor I had in mind.”

Flayn cocks her head in such a way that makes Edelgard feel like the girl possesses some kind of ancient wisdom, like she already understands things Edelgard couldn’t begin to put into words.

“But you’re not really the Emperor anymore, are you?” the girl points out.

Edelgard hears herself inadvertently make a sound of annoyance. “How kind of you to remind me I lost that title along with the war, I keep forgetting about that while imprisoned in here,” Edelgard responds half joking half accusing. It hurts, somewhere.

“Hmm, that’s not what I meant,” Flayn tells her almost nonchalantly. “I meant that you’re not the same person anymore as when you wore the crown.”

In a strange moment of clarity Edelgard suddenly feels very aware of her body, or rather how it appears to her. She’s been sitting with her legs crossed on the bed for her while now and when she looks down she is oddly fascinated by how the ragged white fabric falls over her legs. Or where she has been resting her hands in the middle of her lap, how the cuffs of the sleeves are slightly too long, covering more skin than where her wrists end. Everything feels a little mismatched. It occurs to her how long it’s been since her hair could fall this freely around her face, hardly even caring if the long white strands fall behind her back or over her chest.

As she opens and closes a fist she realizes that the memory of always wearing gloves seems alien to her right now, too odd to imagine.

If she compares herself to how she felt as Emperor she feels smaller somehow. It feels comfortable.

Still, so much has been stripped from her, so much of who she was.

“I suppose there isn’t much of me left, no,” she says softly, with the ghost of a smile on her lips.

Flayn doesn’t seem to agree with her and shakes her head. “I don’t think anything that was inside you was lost along with the loss of crown. Instead it’s the opposite, it’s what has been _added_ afterwards.”

Added?

Has anything been added to her while imprisoned?

It occurs to her that perhaps there is some merit to that statement. She’s been more emotional, impulsive, reckless… no, she’s been more _free._

Free to be herself.

“You’re rather perceptive, if you can notice a change in me between what you knew me as and how I am in the short time you’ve been here,” she says truthfully.

Flayn flashes her a tiny grin and Edelgard can see the hint of pride.

“I wonder though,” she continues, musing out loud. “Just what I’ve been changing into then.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Flayn says lightly. “I am not even really sure what it was you were before, I never really knew _you,_ after all.”

The girl gets another one of those knowing looks full of peculiar ancient wisdom in her eyes.

“But maybe you’ve been changing into someone truly worthy of loving Lady Rhea,” she says and despite the small smile on her face the words sound so sincere they make Edelgard’s heart beat faster.

Edelgard wants to deny it to the girl, tell her she’s completely on the wrong track, anything with convincing sarcasm would do the trick, really.

“Flayn,” she chokes out instead. “When you ask me all these questions and tell me all these personal things it makes me feel very… very attacked. You said you behave the way you do so you can let people get close to you. The way you said I behave is because I needed to do the opposite, I needed to keep people away.”

She stares at her legs for a moment before she finds the courage to continue. “The way I’m responding to you is not meant to be personal. I just… cannot talk about my feelings. To no one,” she all but mutters, trying her best to keep her voice steady.

“Yet you could tell Lady Rhea you loved her,” Flayn is quick to point out, although it sounds more kind than anything.

Edelgard blinks.

It’s true. She did find the strength to tell Rhea of her growing love for her, even told her about so many other of her feelings which she had been hiding or denying for so long, she finds herself longing to tell more of herself to Rhea, she wants the woman to know everything that Edelgard is made up of.

To Rhea she can and wants to tell everything about herself.

When Edelgard can’t do anything else but stare at Flayn, unable to even do so much as change her expression the seems to take pity on her.

“As difficult as it is for me to do so, I’ll refrain from asking if you meant it.”

Edelgard knows if she expresses any form of gratitude it’ll basically serve as proof her feelings are genuine yet cannot stop a small grateful smile blooming on her features.

Her expression turns questioning. “I cannot quite seem to get a grasp on your… stance towards me. There doesn’t seem to be any of the hostility to me that I feel would be… uh, reasonable for you to harbor.”

It’s not an apology, and neither girl seems to take it as such, but perhaps it’s a hint of admittance.

“Still, I also don’t feel any amity coming from you,” she points out delicately.

Flayn stifles a laugh at that. A polite one. “I am not really one to hold grudges, I suppose.”

 _‘Unlike another certain ‘older than they look’ green haired being’,_ Edelgard thinks to herself in amusement. Apparently this is something where they differ, then.

“I think the only way I could truly feel any anger for you is if we were to meet in battle, because then it would be practical,” Flayn continues to explain. “But now…I simply see no reason to continue to feel any resentment for an enemy who has been defeated.”

It occurs to her that the word ‘defeated’ being applied to her should have invoked several strong feelings within her, but she finds she hardly cares now. She wonders when that changed, and why.

She decides to blame Rhea for it.

“Although,” Flayn continues, now sounding slightly insecure, “it’s true I hold no warm feelings for you either, and I never will. You’ll have to forgive me but I simply feel the possibility for that has long gone by.”

“There is nothing to be forgiven there, Flayn.” It’s slightly more of an apology, albeit still indirect.

The girl seems happy, even vaguely grateful at her response and Edelgard cannot help but marvel at the way Flayn seems to be experiencing feelings.

“You come across as a person who is strong of mind Flayn,”she tells her with conviction, “I often thought feelings are dangerous when they are involved in important decisions or acts, but now I’m thinking more that it should be a balance of some sorts. It’s vague to me, but you seem adept at it.”

Flayn’s eyes widen slightly in surprise. “Thank you,” she says and it sounds sincere. “Most people… do not see me as such, nor do they consider my behavior and feelings in such an analytical way.” She stretches her arms out in front of her and looks at the palms of her hand as she flexes her fingers. “Courtesy of my appearance, I suppose” she adds, grinning slyly.

“A double-edged sword huh,” Edelgard guesses.

“Hmm,” Flayn hums in confirmation. “I get away with many things but I’m also unable to do many things as a result.”

Edelgard wonders how long it takes for her to grow physically… or if she grows at all. Maybe they need to do some kind of magical ritual or travel somewhere sacred.

“There are many things I wish I could know about you and your kind,” Edelgard confesses. “I’ve gotten curious. I won’t ask, of course. But I simply cannot imagine your lives come without a certain kind of burden I cannot possibly imagine.”

The sudden way Flayn looks at her gives Edelgard the feeling that she can see her true age, as if there’s several centuries worth of pain, happiness, loss, boredom, excitement and everything in between in her eyes.

They look weary.

“More than you could ever know,” she says quietly, her voice hollow yet filled with hints of deep emotions.

Edelgard nods in humility, unable to come up with words that would seem adequate. But she can show her humility and respect to someone who is burdened by something she cannot even comprehend.

There is a moment of silence between them, as Flayn seems lost in thought. Just when Edelgard is considering to make a sound or shift on the bed to draw her attention does the girl look up again, her eyes back to their usual self and a small smile on her lips.

“I think my visit here might have been rude in nature,” she says and after Edelgard gives her a questioning look she continues, “I hoped that by coming here I could figure out just how Lady Rhea got hurt so much. I thought perhaps you manipulated or threatened her, maybe convinced her of some sort of lie.”

For a moment subtle amusement flashes over her face. “Or I considered that Lady Rhea did something herself that got her hurt. She can be a little… intense with her emotions and not fully consider the consequences.”

Edelgard considers that an accurate description of the virtuous lady with a ‘simple vindictive streak’.

“But now I think that it’s the circumstances, both around you two and between you is what’s hurting the two of you so deeply. So I’m sorry for coming here to pry into your personal feelings unnecessarily, I ought to have considered your feelings on the matter more delicately.”

Edelgard shakes her head lightly. “Your visit wasn’t unpleasant. What you said has given me some things to think about,” she says sincerely and gives Flayn a look of gratitude. “And there is little else for me in here to do but think,” she adds wryly.

“That’s a minor relief then. I thought I could help, but now I’m not sure. I really think it would be in the best of Lady Rhea’s interests if she would visit you again, because it seems both of you have things to tell and reveal to each other… but ultimately that’s up to her and how she considers it will impact her future. ”

She looks slightly unsure for a moment.

“Lady Rhea can be impulsive in her emotions and sometimes makes rash decisions as a result, decisions which come back to haunt her later.”

“I might have noticed something of such sorts during her visits, yes,” Edelgard says stony, although cannot stop a light chuckle escaping her lips.

Flayn laughs softly at her comment was well before continuing.

“I hope she will find the clarity she needs to do it right this time. Although I’m suspecting my brother is doing his part in helping Lady Rhea clear her mind,” she smiles, clearly knowing more than she lets on once more.

Edelgard catches her shifting her balance from one foot to another again.

Flayn scrapes her throat. “Speaking of Lady Rhea and my brother, my time here is running short. If they finish their talk and find out I’m here… well, let’s say they’ll treat me according to the age I look like, forgetting the age I am,” she smiles slightly cheekily.

Edelgard laughs. “Your blatant curiosity is a tad childish, I must say. But it’s as if maturity comes with a strict limit on how we are allowed to express our feelings. Politeness, is what they insist on calling it, I think,” she jokes.

The other girl shrugs and gives her a grin. “It’s a good thing my appearance lets me get away with it then.”

With that she turns more serious and gives a slight bow. “I shall take my leave. Goodbye Edelgard, may you find the peace you seem to be longing for, if not within your remaining days then in death.”

It sounds a bit harsh but Edelgard interprets the underlying meaning with ease.

_I hope you can make amends with Rhea and if not, find it in yourself to come to terms with it so you can die with a calm heart._

“Goodbye, Flayn,” she responds when the girl turns to leave.

“And I meant it what I said to her,” she mutters softly. “With all my heart.”

FLayn stills as her hand rests on the door and turns around. When she looks at Edelgard it’s with a kind expression, yet not the kindness she always carries with her and showers everyone with. Instead it’s a kindness directed personally at Edelgard, the kind of amity she said she would never feel for her.

“Then I truly hope Lady Rhea will visit you again, not just for her sake but also for yours.” A soft smile ghosts on her lips before she turns back around and a moment later she’s gone, the door falling back into the frame behind her.

She waits for the light footsteps to fade into the distance, then Edelgard feels her muscles relax as she slumps into a more comfortable position, realizing with some amusement she hasn’t shaken her habit of always sitting perfect and upright during her time as Emperor, no matter how useless it is to keep doing so now.

Her mind inevitably drifts to her talk with Flayn and she finds herself wondering if she can calm the turmoil in her heart before her execution if Rhea doesn’t visit. The worst thing about all of this is that she doesn’t know if the other woman will visit again, and coming to terms with her broken heart is hard if she keeps clinging to the hope Rhea might come to soothe it. It she doesn’t visit then the last time she’ll see Rhea is when she’s kneeling for her on the stage of her execution, no longer able to say any of the many things between them she desperately wants to address, desperate to reconcile with Rhea.

If she won’t visit, Edelgard resolutely decides to herself, she’ll have to yell something stupid at her as she’s up on that stage and they let her say her last words.

She has been getting under the woman’s skin so much she should be able to do it one more time, the public that will be there to hear it will only make it that much more satisfying.

It’ll have to be something that both gets to Rhea and sounds believable to the public. She could yell she slept with her for all of them to hear but she’s sure they’ll see that as a pathetic lie of a raving mad woman, desperate until her last breath to falsely incriminate their precious Archbishop.

No, it’ll have to be more subtle.

A laugh escapes her lips. Maybe something about the pointy ears, there is a good chance at least some of them will be suspicious enough they’ll ask Rhea to see them.

But then again she kind of liked how it was something very personal to Rhea that only Edelgard knew, and how the Archbishop seemed not to mind it at all. Something just between the two of them.

She huffs in annoyance. Curse that woman, curse her for giving her all these conflicting thoughts and feelings.

Before her, Edelgard had been more than ready to die.

She truly even longed for it, the weight of her past actions too heavy to carry on into the future.

It didn’t make her feel much as she had nothing left to live for, didn’t even really feel like she was fully alive any longer.

But then Rhea just had to waltz into her life, rob of her precious peace of mind, help her get to know herself in so many ways, made her understand herself in a manner she never thought possible and, worst of all, made her _feel_ so many things.

And now she’s saddled with all these regrets she can’t begin to cope with.

Like how much she truly had wanted to become a mother.

Or discovering that she still did have a heart after all this time, long after having thought it had gone cold and withered away many years ago.

Then, learning how big and fragile that heart truly was as she had she had given it to Rhea bit by bit until the woman held the whole thing in her hands and Edelgard had loved how that made her feel.

Empowered, belonging, trusting, free, whole.

Only to truly feel it utterly shatter and break in an instant.

She wants to laugh. Leave it up to her to spend her whole life fiercely safeguarding herself by emotionally isolating herself from everyone, only to spend the last two weeks of her life giving every last fiber of her very being to one person and personally ensure that person gets to utterly destroy her.

She always did like to subvert people’s expectations, even her own.

Edelgard had been at peace with her life ending since it became clear to her the war that had been her whole life was lost. It had felt as of most of her already died there.

Because she hadn’t just sacrificed her own life for her goal but also that of her friends, her classmates, thousands of soldiers –even civilians- loyal to her until their last breath. In a way it even felt like a lot of the deaths of her enemies had been nameless innocent additions to the pile of Edelgard’s sacrifices.

Edelgard had ceaselessly kept marching forth, never looking to the past and always focused on the future she wished to create. The future would free them of all the horror that was happening now, it had to.

Yet somewhere along the way she had ensured that there was no place for her anymore in that future. With each command she further destroyed all her possible paths and closed every open door. With every order she gave and with every swing of her axe she cut down her own place in the future she was desperate to create.

And so she had accepted her fall with ease because when she finally stopped and looked back at her past it showed her with clarity there was no way she could live into a future. Even if she somehow got to keep her life, imprisoned, in exile or escaped and in hiding, it was clear to her she would never _live_ anymore.

The blood on her hands, the voices of the dead and the ghosts of her past would forever cling to her and Edelgard could not bear the burden or the guilt of living while so many others hadn’t because of her.

And after having denied herself as many feelings and emotions for most of her life, when she looked back she discovered she wasn’t just the tool or weapon that people told her she was, for underneath all of that was still a human, one with many feelings, most of which were now too painful to bear.

So the prospect of death gave her a sense of relief. Soothing her mind both because she felt she deserved it and because it would let her escape the pains of her past.

But she had expected to await it in solitude.

Then Rhea brought her to this cell and had stayed too long.

Stayed too long and gave Edelgard an opening, a flicker of curiosity, of life had risen inside her.

She had thought that, if only for a moment, she could make Rhea slip up, to see her mask crack. Edelgard had craved to finally see Rhea for what she truly was, how she truly _felt,_ at least in regards to Edelgard.

Always the damned Archbishop acted under a guise of kindness, justice and everything in the name of the Goddess.

Edelgard remembered when she was a student she saw Rhea ordering the execution of people who had no idea what they had gotten themselves into without so much as a trial. And the Archbishop insisted it was an act of kindness and justice. The Goddess would bring them salvation.

Edelgard didn’t want the woman’s kindness, didn’t want to hear her execution was justice and certainly didn’t want to die as people insisted that the wretched Emperor would be granted salvation by the very Goddess she had been denying all this time. It was all false, it was mockery.

No, she had wanted to wipe all those guises from the Archbishop’s face and for once see the pure unadulterated hate and disgust Edelgard knew the woman had been harboring for her all this time.

Edelgard needed proof that she was going to be killed because Rhea hated her deeply, and not because it was out of justice, mercy and salvation.

She had seen a glimpse of it when Edelgard’s insurrection in the Holy Tomb had caught Rhea off-guard.

It still made her shiver whenever she recalls how Rhea’s face morphed into one of pure loathing for Edelgard in mere seconds as she understood what was happening. In those seconds her student became something disgustingly inhuman to her, something unworthy to live.

And the young and wholly unprepared Edelgard of the past had become certain she had invoked the wrath of the Archbishop, a wrath that would surely follow her until either one of them died.

Just once more she wanted to see the Archbishop’s true feelings again, if only to give herself the satisfaction that her enemy was truly as cruel and selfish as equally as Edelgard was, instead of a genuinely just and virtues worshipper of a true Goddess.

Certain that it would aggravate the holy woman, Edelgard had reveled in kneeling for her and reciting sacred words for her – _to_ her, in a mockery of her Faith she was so obsessed with. Edelgard reveled even more in how she secretly had thoroughly enjoyed doing so, sure that it would disgust the Archbishop to the core to know the heretic she hated so much was truly devoting herself to her. If only because the stark contrast and contradictions excited the craving for chaos that dwelled inside the Emperor.

And it had worked, in a way. Rhea’s mask did crack.

But when Edelgard had looked up she found something she had never expected.

A reflection of herself.

That deeply hidden desire to feel powerful, through orders, politics, violence, bloodshed, all the ugly things that come with a position of power as high as theirs.

And the ever raging inner conflict for being unable to reconcile how it made her feel and the need to be unfeeling and rational in all her decisions. The need to find out what was right and keep doing that while all those feelings raged and stormed within you perpetually.

She understood, very vaguely, that all people occasionally had these kind of feelings. A desire to kill or overpower someone they hated, or to abuse their power to get their way.

The difference was that Edelgard _had_ the power to do all of that, and nearly always without consequences. And when her feelings reared their head she was often struck with fear about her ability to wield all that power responsibly. No one ever told her what to do, no one ever told her what was right. But she didn’t always know either, and her feelings were often… faulty.

And for the first time she found herself thinking that Rhea of all people might be the same.

_“Good girl.”_

Edelgard wants to laugh each time she recalls Rhea saying those words, yet it only thrills her instead.

For she had known _exactly_ what had caused the other woman to slip up like that.

The poor woman had gotten so high on the rush of power she felt by having her most hated enemy submit herself to her and had succumbed to the excitement of how good that made her feel.

It had been surreal for Edelgard, to see her own feelings that disgusted her so and which she always suppressed as deep as possible reflected in someone else, the first tangible evidence in her life that she wasn’t _alone._ That there wasn’t something deeply wrong with her mental complexion that made her a unique walking contradiction. Someone faulty.

She always knew she wasn’t the kind of person which killed for pleasure.

She always knew she wasn’t the kind of ruler which needlessly and cruelly abused their power.

She had never doubted her capability to feel compassion, understanding and kindness.

Most of Edelgard made perfect sense and reacted to the world around her in ways she found reasonable.

But there were so many parts of her, feelings that would rear their head in the most unexpected moments, which she could never fit together, could never make sense of.

The thing that had surprised her most of all was the hint of tenderness in Rhea’s reaction. Her words, the way she, likely impulsively, touched Edelgard’s hair so gently.

Not once had it ever occurred to Edelgard that it was possible to express these conflicting feelings without resorting to abusing power or bloodshed, and instead do so with _tenderness._

That short intimate moment between them seemed to have shocked and eluded them both.

Then, for a reason Edelgard couldn’t see, the Archbishop kept visiting her, and Edelgard had gotten very curious.

She quickly concluded that Rhea had either gotten equally curious or had to be _very_ foolish because the woman just kept letting Edelgard press all her buttons, kept letting her coax out more and more of those conflicting feelings that seemed to mutually elude them.

And while there had been much hostility between them there had also been a certain undeniable willingness.

Which over time had turned into willing intimacy.

When Edelgard had asked, Rhea had willingly put her hands around her throat, sunk her teeth in her skin, put her lips against her mouth… her knee in between her thighs, her fingers inside her, and ultimately even let Edelgard submit herself to her in worship, both with her words and her mouth.

Willingness, Edelgard thinks that that word might be the most important and exciting one of them all. Hurting someone in battle is a necessity. Hurting someone because they willingly asked you too… that’s several layers of complicated feelings making sense all at once.

As it turned out, it’s perfectly possible to express these kind of feelings –which made her feel so alive and excited, but which she had always denied herself out of confusion and guilt- without abuse of power or violence.

You can create an intricate web, weave an illusion with its own reality and rules, just between the two of you, where everything is perfect and exhilarating, because within that illusion you can safely express all those confliction parts of yourself and safely share them with someone equally thrilled to do so.

It wasn’t real, it didn’t have any consequences. It was a ritual, a stage play, a charade. Still, in the moment it felt all very real, and _incredibly_ good.

Then again, Edelgard thinks, what is an Emperor but merely another kind of charade?

When it comes down to it she’s just as equally human and imperfect as anyone else, she’s not any more intelligent or stronger either, not enough to warrant the right to have such power at least. She never even did anything to earn the power to rule over others.

Yet the moment the crown touched her head all of the Adrestian Empire bowed for her and followed her every command.

In a way mankind is always role-playing, pretending as if their countless different titles somehow make them entirely different kind of beings.

Power is very weird, she decides. And people are also very stupid.

Just like she had been very stupid, running with this and getting her heart utterly broken as a result.

Although… maybe it wasn’t so bad. Sure, part of her wants to bash Rhea’s head in for making her feel this way. Several times. Or maybe she should start with other parts of her body so she’ll last longer. It might be because this is the first time she feels the pain of a broken heart but she’s convinced there is no physical pain she can inflict on Rhea that will compare to the agonizing emotional pain the woman made her feel.

Ah, she digresses, only a part of her wants to make Rhea feel hurt.

While another part feels almost grateful.

She had felt the agonizing pain of losing an Empire, but that was something only an Emperor could experience.

Now she felt the equally agonizing pain of getting her heart broken, and that was something only a _human_ could experience.

Something that she could never have let herself experience when she still ruled.

So she might be in horrible, agonizing, unbearable pain, but in a way it’s yet another thing Rhea helped her experience.

Not to mention her important role in Edelgard having experienced sex for the first time.

And how much Edelgard _enjoys_ sex.

Her back meets the mattress underneath it as she lets herself fall over, with a grin on her face she stares at the ceiling.

With her strict and proper upbringing, the trauma and scars left on her by those experiments and the turmoil that was her life as it whirled through endless social conventions and wars she had been very resolute in not wanting to try it.

The idea of someone seeing her like that… she couldn’t imagine someone worthy, no matter if she held them in high respect or cared for them. Also the other way around, seeing someone she cared for or respected behave in what she had always considered to be an… animalistic way, she was convinced it would make her… uncomfortable. As if she would see behind their mask in a way she didn’t wish to.

But that hadn’t been true at all. Instead it let her express feelings she couldn’t express anywhere else. And seeing someone else express those feelings because of her felt… very good. Even more so if there was initial shame or hesitation that one could gradually help ease away.

Not to mention one could be very creative, with words, context, behavior, expressions and the nearly infinite amount of creative ways to touch…

And Edelgard considered herself to be somewhat creative in nature, she liked _being_ creative, at the very least.

She finds herself grinning again as a mirthful chuckle escapes her lips.

If only she had known sex could be so enjoyable many years earlier.

Although… she’s not sure if she would have been able to meet other people she would enjoy sleeping with.

Hubert was the only one she trusted enough. And while Hubert and her had been deeply devoted to each other and shared a love so strong that she felt that friendship might not be enough to cover it, they held no feelings of romance, lust, passion or physical attraction to each other. So while they would probably be comfortable to do it, the lack of passion would make the act very… sterile, and she can’t really think of a reason of _why_ they would even want to do it, there would be no benefit.

But she supposed she could have found some other pesky people in important position she could make crumble under her touch.

Either way, there would have been no benefit for her to sleep around. Most people among the nobility and in courts slept around either for passion and love or as a way to sleep themselves to the top. In the case of Edelgard, she had already been in the highest position of power before ever having had sex… or much else for that matter. No, if Edelgard would have started sleeping around it wouldn’t be to the top, she would have slept her way to the bottom.

The rumors.

Those would definitely start.

It was already unheard of for a reigning Emperor of her age, especially a female one, to be unwed. But she had absolutely refused. For many reasons but among them were her secret of being infertile, her stance on the topic of sex and the dread she felt at spending so much time with someone she couldn’t phantom having in her life all the time. She needed to be alone a lot, and she wanted to rule alone as well.

But an unwed Emperor who sleeps around… possibly with other women no less… that would surely have tarnished her name and damaged her title, and such a thing could have severe consequences, especially since her stance in the war had always been somewhat controversial one, with many people hesitant in abandoning the faith.

The last months of the war had been dreadful. Each day gloomier than the last. She was going to lose the war, she knew this nearly a year before she finally did. Still, she could not surrender. So many people still served under her who still needed to be put into a position where they wouldn’t be punished for their place in the war, so many villages needed to be retreated from, so that other forces could ‘free’ them and give them the supplies they so desperately needed which Edelgard hadn’t been able to give them anymore after the three major opposing forces had been all but circling around her as they closed in.

There were many _many_ things to do, and if she were to surrender then even more would have suffered. Her intention was to be killed in battle. For it was custom that, not unlike chess, if the Emperor –or any ruler of a country- was killed in battle during the waning stages of a war, that side would lose the entire war.

So Edelgard had kept on going, fighting as she was being pushed back bit by bit until only the city of Enbarr and the surrounding forests and a few small villages were under her command.

And along with the land she ruled over diminishing in size, so did the loyalty the people had in her.

A sudden thought occurs to her and _oh,_ it’s absolutely devilish.

The last few months had been more waiting than fighting. She was quickly losing support, even among those she had worked closely with, and most people had been not so subtly eagerly waiting for her death so they could either get on with their lives or disappear to escape retribution from the other forces.

It would have been such a perfect time for Edelgard to sleep around, she thinks. No, Edelgard would never have to sleep her way to the top, but she could have been the first one on the top who deliberately slept all the way to the bottom.

No, even worse. Sleep herself to _rock_ bottom.

She can’t suppress her giggling, not even with a vain attempt to cover her mouth with her hand. It would have been easy, really. All she had to do was find a few dubious individuals in high positions and the rumors would begin to fly on its own.

And then the rumors would multiply and be altered until they turned into evidence.

With such incriminating evidence the Emperor would have been dethroned and promptly executed for degeneracy before Rhea could have even gotten her hands on her.

Take that, cryptic Archbishop with your flaky smiles, terrible self-control and those damnable pointy ears.

Take that Fodlan, for Edelgard wouldn’t have gone down in history as a ‘mad Emperor fighting a senseless war for her own selfish desire for power’ so the people could ease their minds and leave Edelgard to be forgotten as quickly as possible.

No, she’d make it all so much _worse_ for them.

She would have gone down as the _harlot_ Emperor.

Forever remembered in hushed whispers, her talks forever exaggerated and twisted until she’d become the epitome of lustful sin. Maybe the shady and concealed layers of society, those whom no one could get a grip on yet the rumors alone made them notorious, would venerate her in their own peculiar way. Perhaps they’d make her some kind of corrupted Saint in one of their cults.

She almost chokes on her laughter as she considers that fantasy. Rhea would surely lose her mind if she would learn of such a thing.

Edelgard considers she’s beginning to losing her sanity somewhat. Or maybe she’s becoming manic or hysterical.

There is a good chance she’s already all three of those at once.

But for now she doesn’t care, she has three days left to live with no one but herself and her broken heart so she’s going to make the best of it and let herself entertain every horrible thought, fantasy and scenario she damn well pleases.

Feeling absolutely giddy, she can’t hold back her laughter, there are even tears welling up in the corners of her eyes and that just makes it all the more funny to her.

Another thought occurs to her and it’s enough to make her laughter sound mad. Because in a way the Emperor already reached her goal. The Emperor already slept with the most dubious person, the one which would surely have instantly made her lose all her support.

The Emperor slept with Lady Rhea, the Archbishop, the biggest enemy to Adrestia and the source of why they went to war.

Devious, really. Although perhaps too late to make any use of it.

Still, the hilarity of it all is nothing short of perfect to the giddy Edelgard.

Spreading her arms and legs as wide as possible she continues staring at the ceiling while she laughs. She knows this good mood won’t last, that soon she’ll feel that harsh stab in her heart again every time she thinks of Rhea, but for now she lets herself revel in her feelings of giddiness as she listens to the sounds of her own laughter echoing off the walls of her prison.

* * *

About half an hour later she finds herself listening to the sounds of her own crying echoing of the walls.

As her laughter had subsided her thoughts had started to wander again.

To those pointy ears, to Rhea.

Just how much it had meant to Edelgard that Rhea didn’t mind Edelgard knowing about them. It felt as if she had let Edelgard in just a little more, just like she had with many other things, no matter how insignificant it had seemed.

To Edelgard it had meant the world, in a way Rhea truly had become her world.

She scoffs at herself. A harlot, as if she could. She couldn’t even show Rhea her scarred body, there is no way she could feasibly sleep her way through anyone. Abruptly she recalls how much trust and communication and reassurance it had taken from both sides to even be able to do all those things with Rhea.

At once Edelgard realizes that the mere thought of doing what she did with Rhea with anyone else is truly appalling to her. It feels wrong, as between her and Rhea it also served as yet another way for them to show each other parts of themselves and discover and explore their feelings together.

She just wants to do those kind of things together with Rhea, where it’s safe.

She just wants to _be_ with Rhea, where it’s safe.

Another loud sob echoes through the room.

She misses Rhea _so_ much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So more of an extra chapter.
> 
> But your comments about wanting to see Flayn visit Edelgard gave me ideas. I had been wanting to write a chapter from Edelgard's perspective, but rather not during those three days where she was in anguish over Rhea not showing up. But having her spar with Flayn (who also has the talent of drawing information from people, abeit in an entierely different manner) was interesting, and let me write Edelgard reflecting on her feelings and past actions.
> 
> Also in terms of Flayn and the topic of sex. It seems the nobility and the people of the faith are very strict about sex outside of marriage, and even students seem not to talk about it too openly. So even if Flayn is old, she still looks like.... 13 (18 for anime standards) at most. So she'll have a hard time finding people willing to divulge information to her on the topic, let alone actually have sex with her.  
> The wiki she's 1000+ years old. and it also states she has memories of her mother and that she did those 'long sleeps' which led me to conclude that while Flayn grew to her current age perhaps slightly slower than a human, but then her growing pace slowed down by a lot. And so even though she might have the wisdom and experiences of a 1000+ being, she still has the body of a young teen an just might not have developed the desire to have or know a lot about sex. I think she's curious what other people do, but not for herself. And so she can easily talk to a flustered Edelgard about sex because she doesn't have any personal feelings about the topic.
> 
> One last thing for my essay.  
> The thing Edelgard mentions, how an Emperor is nothing but another charade, is based on a very currently relevant psychological humanist theory, called 'The magic circle' by Johan Huizinga.
> 
> It explains that how children play pretend "You're the doctor, I'm the patient"" "You're Pikachu, I'm Charmander, lets fight" is something we keep doing as we grow up but then we add laws and rules to it to make it official. At the core we are all the same humans with minor, mostly random, individual differences. Yet if one human carries the title 'judge' and he says 'that guy goes to prison for 3 years' everyone will go 'that's valid.' there are the laws of nature, which are very real, and the laws of humans, which we made up to create a illusion of a social structure where we all play pretend in some ways to try and keep our society stable and just. It's also used a lot in video games and DND and the like!  
> Writer likes power dynamics and intricate forms of role-playing 
> 
> Also sad rebel Edelgard laughing while she fantasies about all the messed up shit she could have done is cute. :(


	12. The Heralds of the Goddess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it was real neato of you all to be so nice about my 23k chapter where the main leads Get It On, but I know it's because y'all are a horny bunch. So now I need you to be polite and patiently enjoy my nearly equally long chapter about wholesome sibling interactions and headcanon I build on pillars of lore.

  


  


Seteth simply continues to stare at her, unmoving yet with visible and barely restrained anger. He keeps doing this far too long for Rhea’s poor soul to handle but she just cannot find it in herself to be the first one to speak. She wouldn’t even know what to say, it would be something entirely inappropriate again, likely.

Finally her brother stirs, sighing deeply, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Explain to me how this happened,” he asks her with little patience left in his voice.

Rhea gives him a blank look, her mind refusing to supply her with useful thoughts she can use to put into words. “I… I wouldn’t know how to begin.”

Her brother makes a very frustrated noise and turns to glare at her.

“Just so we are on the same page, this is _Edelgard_ we are talking about, correct?”

Rhea nods. She can nod, then. That’s good, she thinks to herself. Nodding is sort of a useful response.

Seteth stares at her with an expression so stern it makes Rhea very worried and she has to resist the urge to turn her head and avoid his piercing eyes.

“Good, if you know the name of the prisoner… then, just to be sure, do you also happen to recall _everything else_ about her?” His voice is paper thin and it makes Rhea want to shrink into her chair. She catches herself actually doing so and abruptly forces herself to sit up straight again.

She’s not exactly sure where he is going with this, but she doesn’t want to accidentally interpreted it wrong and inadvertently reveal something that will make everything much worse.

Then again, she has a feeling that no matter where Seteth is going with this, _he_ is determined to make things much worse for her regardless.

When she does nothing but stare numbly at him with carefully questioning look he sighs. “This is _Edelgard_ , the woman who started a rebellion against the Church when she was just a teenager, the _Flame Emperor_ who went on a bloody conquest to destroy our Mother’s Faith and all that we held dear, the _Mad Emperor_ of Adrestia, who invaded her neighboring kingdoms and dragged the world into a war which lasted nearly ten years, costing thousands of lives and –I feel this part is particular important- wanted to _personally_ have you executed right along with me and Flayn.”

After summing up all of Edelgard’s crimes (in very broad terms, all the while mercifully leaving out numerous smaller ones and details which only add to the already impressive amount of atrocities she has committed or has ordered to be committed in her name) he gives her a pointed look. “ _That_ is the person both of us are referring to when we talk about ‘the prisoner you have been a medium amount of intimate with’, correct?”

A muscle in Seteth’s face twitches when Rhea cannot manage to do anything but pale even more, remaining utterly still otherwise as she inwardly struggles to accept and comprehend the painful truth herself. When she’s with Edelgard in her cell it all makes sense, when she’s away from her and remembers the war it doesn’t.

Or it _shouldn’t._

Finally she awkwardly mumbles, “Yes, that’s all of her,” in a voice quiet and filled with shame.

Her brother groans in frustration because despite asking the obvious his sister’s meek responses only serves to infuriate him more. “And so when we finally defeated her and imprisoned her in preparation for her execution…you thought the most sensible thing to do was to _fuck_ the _damn_ mad Emperor?!” He all but yells the last words, clearly struggling to control himself as to not outright scream at her.

“Seteth, _please,”_ Rhea hisses quietly, cringing at his choice of words as she’s wholly unused to hearing any kind of profanity -especially from her family- and suddenly fiercely wishes Flayn was still here so she could chide her father for his choice in words and sternly tell him that Rhea ‘made love’ instead.

No, she cringes equally much at that way of describing what she did and ends up concluding her family simply loves to make things just that bit extra hard on her.

Seteth catches her reaction to his cursing and grins humorlessly. “Yes, dear sister, I _too_ know how to swear. In fact, I feel in my case it was much more justified, seeing as I am suddenly subjected to hearing how my sister slept with the _one_ person in all of Fodlan she really shouldn’t have,” he says and his grin is now slightly malicious. Rhea guesses his initial shock is fading and he’s now in between surreal anger and a curiosity he isn’t sure he wants to act further on.

“I didn’t _just_ sleep with her, Seteth. Not out of nowhere,” she tries defending herself with.

“No, apparently all it took was for her to tell you she loved you and you promptly caved in,” he retorts accusingly. “I didn’t think you were _that_ desperate, sister,” he scoffs.

“She only told me she loved me, uhm... afterwards,” she explains without having put too much thought into her words and immediately realizes she’s not really helping her case.

Seteth gives her another look which expresses how he’s both not comprehending what happened and why it happened –and very much not liking it, either way. “Just _why_ , Rhea? Give me a reason, _please_.” His expression turns cold, condescending even. “Wasn’t her surrender, imprisonment and death sentence enough of a satisfactory victory for you? Did you just have to go and find one more way to make yourself feel superior and humiliate her?” he drawls, his words vicious in a way that’s unlike him.

The thought horrifies Rhea. “What?” she utters in surprised anguish. “Seteth, _no._ It wasn’t like that at all. I… I… never, I swear,” she insists with an urgent need to be believed.

Her brother seems to believe her, looking slightly relieved for a moment before is brows furrow once more and he gets a cold and calculating expression on his features as he stares at her, eyes hard and almost as if he’s hesitating to say what’s on his mind. It deeply unnerves Rhea, he makes her feel as if she has also committed a whole other atrocity than sleeping with their former biggest enemy and threat.

“…Rhea,” he starts carefully, his voice thin as ice yet hard as stone. “I know you well enough you’d never… force yourself on anyone but you _are_ aware she cannot consent to… sexual intercourse, right?”

“What?” Rhea sputters too quickly. “She’s not _insane,_ Seteth. She’s sound of mind and I didn’t coerce her, I swear that to you. She consented. I asked… several time-” she gasps and promptly shuts her mouth when she realizes that saying ‘several times’ might very well lead to her being forced to go into detail over just what ‘medium amount of intimacy’ means.

Her brother’s eyes widen, first in shock, then in realization and finally in undulated anger, which he instantly forces himself to swallow down. He shakes his head and another frustrated sound escapes him. “As much as I wish to rant and scream at you both for going into detail about something I do _not_ wish to know and your subtle implication of… a multitude of occurrences, that is not what I am currently most concerned –or enraged- with, Rhea,” he says, the hints of anger bleeding through his valiant efforts to control his voice.

“I’m sorry,” is all Rhea says, too scared to ask him what could possibly concern him more than he already knows.

Seteth wastes no time with sparing her by delaying her the agony, however.

“What I _meant,_ dear sister,” he drawls, voice still cold, “is that as a prisoner of war in our care, she cannot _legally_ consent to sexual intercourse. This law exists to protect them from abuse by the people who already control a prisoner’s freedom and often even their lives.” His expression is one of grave disappointment and accusation and it’s all but screaming ‘ _how could you have forgotten this?’_

And Rhea feels her heart stop.

Her thoughts are racing but she cannot form a single coherent sentence in her mind.

Panic. She’s quickly approaching a panic attack.

Oh, Goddess she hasn’t… she didn’t… violate Edelgard, did she? No, Edelgard was clearly consenting, and Rhea did ask, several times, explicitly for consent to continue.

…But what if she unintentionally and accidently manipulated her into doing so? The girl was in prison and under emotional distress. Goddess, what if Rhea really did take advantage of that, inadvertently or not?

She feels her mind go numb with panic and her vision swims in nothing but a white void.

Vaguely she can hear her own breathing, it’s ragged and shallow and absolutely not helping her feeling any calmer.

When she hears the clear and distinct sound of, “Rhea,” cut through the noise in her head sharply, sounding so authoritative it almost sounds like a command, she snaps back to reality.

Her knuckles have gone white with how strongly she’s grasping the edge of the table with her hands and she’s trembling all over. Panic still buzzes around in her head and helplessly she looks at her one source of clarity and reassurance.

“Seteth, I…” she stutters, her voice shrill and wavering.

“You don’t need to panic,” he tells her sternly yet with a hint of comfort. “…No matter how unlikely I find such a scenario to happen, in the way you’ve spoken about this and how it’s clearly affecting you deeply as well it’s evident to me that you didn’t break any social conventions with her… ah, uhm… I don’t think you did anything against her will, that is,” he explains to her sounding rigid yet also reassuring. 

Rhea feels some of her panic begin to wane as she breathes out in relief. Seteth’s believe in her helps her find the comfort she needs to believe that the memories she has aren’t… aren’t like that.

Sadly, that wasn’t the part which her brother was concerned with.

“But it’s only evident to _me,_ Rhea,” he points out. “No matter how innocently or unintentionally, you broke the law, in a very grave manner as well, and people won’t see it that way. I don’t question your skill in mysteriously getting away with things, courtesy of having witnessed some of your prior impressive ways of doing so …but if you _fail,_ Rhea, and this were to leak out… well, I can assure you the words ‘innocent’ and ‘unintentionally’ wouldn’t be falling.”

Dread settles deep in Rhea’s stomach, like a cold ball of ice that tightens all her muscles.

“You’re right,” she whispers in quiet agony. “I… I didn’t think of any of that… Oh Goddess, how could I have been so foolish?” When she meet’s Seteth’s eyes she sees the worry she feels reflected in his eyes, making her feel utterly helpless.

Seteth sighs again, now sounding so weary it’s more out of concern than frustration. “There are many people who want to strip you of power and you just gave them the perfect weapon to do so. The fact is that you broke an important international law and slept with a prisoner, one widely known and with high profile. If any of our enemies learn this they’ll take those facts and run with it to ensure your claim on the title of Archbishop will weaken severely, if not outright torn from you.”

His words are harsh and not helping Rhea feel any better, but it’s the truth and she needs to hear it, as apparently she’s been so lost in her own feelings she no longer capable of seeing the whole picture and all of its consequences.

Briefly the thought that Edelgard played a deliberate part in this flashes through Rhea’s mind but she dismisses it without much effort. The younger woman has put so much of herself in Rhea’s hands, has trusted her with so much of herself that Rhea thinks she should at least be able to trust that she was being genuine.

Still, she feels tears begin to roll down her cheek as it begins to dawn on her how much of a risk she has unintentionally taken and just how bad this could end for her… and for Fodlan.

Rhea is so frightened she hardly dares to speak up. “What do you think they’ll say?” she asks quietly, fearfully.

Seteth glances downwards momentarily, considering the possibilities, when he meets Rhea’s eyes again concern is written over his face.

“Perhaps they’ll say you forced yourself on her out of hatred and revenge and start suggesting that someone capable of such a vile deed shouldn’t be the most powerful religious leader, who is supposed to encompass kindness, virtue and all of those holy words. Or they’ll say she manipulated you into doing so, there’s several ways they can get creative with that one and all of them will encourage the people to question if someone who falls for something like that is truly capably of wielding the authority you currently have.”

By the time he’s finished talking Rhea has buried her head in her hands, as each consecutive word felt like a hammer coming down onto a nail being thrust steadily into her heart. She can’t prevent a wracked sob escaping her lips, and it sounds mangled by all of her emotions threatening to spill out as well.

“Those are all worst case scenarios,” she hears her brother say. She can’t detect any fear or anxiety in his voice, just gentle concern for her, and it helps to soothe her slightly. “And there is much we can do in order to prevent those from coming true.”

At that she looks up.

“We need to resolutely make sure she can’t come into contact with anyone else until her execution. Putting more guards around the already all but barren dungeons would attract suspicion.” He goes silent for a moment and considers their options. “It will be fine,” he says, both to reassure Rhea and himself. “We have plenty of unoccupied and sealed-off parts in the Monastery, places where even potential informants of Those Who Slither don’t know of or won’t be able to access, as I’m absolutely certain none of them dwell among our higher ranks. We can appoint a few of the knights we know we can trust to guard her for the coming days.” His voice is as calculating as his mind, and Rhea feels a pang of guilt when she recognizes the practiced ease in the way he looks for possible solutions.

Always solutions to problems _she_ created.

He’s so used to it, rearranging and altering things so her image remains squeaky clean.

He doesn’t even know half of the trouble she’s caused herself over the years, as she usually does a good job of hiding the evidence herself, but he’s helped her out of tight situations more often than she’d like to admit, especially because _keeping_ whatever it was she had done that time from him was always something she aimed to achieve. She nearly always kept it concealed from him as things gradually got more serious and he’d figure out she’d done something just before it would become an actual problem, after which he’d promptly step in to conceal twist the story in a more favorable way before it could reach the public.

And then there is the whole other matter of _Edelgard,_ who’s going to be pushed around and hidden, punished for something Rhea is responsible for. Even if Rhea’s heart tells her Edelgard wouldn’t willingly spill their secret to any potential unwelcome visitors she can’t be certain they don’t have ways to make her talk.

Goddess, she just pulls everyone down with herself in her impulsiveness.

“I’m so sorry,” she mutters dejectedly, still not able to find the strength to explain herself, instead falling back on meaningless apologies. “I… I wasn’t thinking.”

Abruptly she shakes her head, as her words once again fall short of what’s going through her mind. “No, I was thinking. A lot. Too much, about everything. …But I didn’t think about _this.”_

There, cryptic and vague enough it doesn’t reveal anything but emotional enough it might invoke his pity a little. Truly she’s a beacon of virtue and not a sly and manipulative individual.

Her brother too seems to be thinking something along the same lines and sees straight through her compassion invoking Archbishop habits and right into the mind of his sister he’s known for so long now he knows her well enough that he can tell when she’s deflecting.

“Then humor me,” he says, what little gentleness he had reassured her with moments ago gone again. “And enlighten me as to what you _were_ thinking about, because while I am coming to terms what you have done but I still utterly fail as to see why you even remotely thought it would be a good idea.”

He gives her a look scrutinizing look. “This isn’t like you Rhea.” He pauses and reconsiders his words. “No, it’s very much like you to do impulsive, irrational things on a whim because your feelings left you under the impression it made sense in the moment… but that’s just it, I can’t think of a plausible scenario where it would make sense for you to do this.”

Rhea responds with a slightly sheepish look, the ghost of an apologetic smile on her lips, yet she fails to hide the hint of a grin tugging at the edge of her mouth.

She genuinely feels very guilty and knows she’s in deep trouble, yet the absurdity of it all leaves her with an odd –and very wrong- sort of gleeful pride.

Seteth doesn’t see the humor in it, however.

“No,” he says curtly. “Don’t you dare be vague and infuriatingly elusive with me now. Explain to me, Rhea. I mean it. If you don’t manage to make me understand, Goddess help me I will hold it against you until the end of time.” He says it in that threatening way that is both absolutely true and absolutely harmless when it’s said between siblings and Rhea feels fondness tug at her heart at the nostalgia of it.

But she can see her brother is growing more impatient at an alarming rate so she shoves the feeling aside.

“I uhm,” she starts awkwardly, immediately at a loss of words because everything comes with very delicate feelings she really doesn’t know how to verbalize. “It wasn’t out of revenge or hatred or anything you were suggesting earlier,” she manages to say, deciding if she can’t tell him what her motivations were she can at least start by telling him which motivations weren’t.

Seteth doesn’t look very pleased and also not very convinced, yet after a moment of consideration he seems to relax a little. “I believe you, but I can’t help but struggle with the rather large gap between how you used to feel about her when she was Emperor and… and this.” He’s clearly having a hard time with wanting to believe his sister’s feelings while being completely unable to understand them.

“Yes, well… emotions are a funny thing, aren’t they?” she hums, giving him a small smile in the hope he’ll be more lenient and less… direct with her.

Her brother groans in frustration, not pleased by yet another attempt of Rhea to fall back into trying to get away with everything by saying things that reveal absolutely nothing as she acts very nice and understanding.

“Until we managed to capture her you hated her more than any of us… that hatred was what troubled me then. I feared what you would do to her once you got your hands on her, I feared you’d brutally yet slowly slaughter her in front of our army, ensuring she’d last long enough that the whole army would be traumatized by her screams of agony. Then I feared what you would do to the corpse,” he finishes, eyes wide and Rhea can see a shiver run through him as he vividly recalls his fears which never came to fruition.

Rhea makes sure not a single muscle in her body betrays how his words caused a pleasant rush of heat to rise inside her, a remnant of her old fury and hatred for Edelgard mingling perfectly with her newfound love and tenderness. It should make no sense, but it does.

Although she probably wouldn’t have slept with the corpse, she thinks to herself dryly.

Promptly she has to force herself to remain expressionless once more because she feels the sudden overwhelming need to giggle uncontrollably at the disturbing thought.

Their more playful verbal fights and bickering have long since substituted the feelings she felt when being at war with Edelgard and the way that makes her feel equally alive and excited, yet infinitely more peaceful and accepting serves as another reminder how much she has come to enjoy their dynamic. It’s safe, healthy even.

She shakes the thought just as Seteth finds his focus again.

“But now…just what happened?” His voice is much steadier now, but it’s clear he’s forcing it to be. Rhea can hear the almost pleading tone in it.

No matter what, she knows she’s pathetically unable to tell him all that she feels and all she has done, especially with any sort calmness or coherence. She’ll certainly make a mess of herself and likely just make everything worse.

She can’t tell him she loves her, even if she wants to. Even if she knows she should say it. The very thought of admitting it out loud is terrifying. Seteth wouldn’t know how to cope, either way. While they certainly grow fond of humans, falling in love with one is something they are very cautious about, and something that doesn’t happen on its own very easily regardless. Their lives are so painfully short compared to their endless ones, and they have so much to conceal it’s hard to ever be fully comfortable with sharing their lives with a human. Instead they live for moments, memories of meaningful interactions with them, an instant where they could connect to a human and feel equal.

It makes sense that Seteth would conclude that’s all sleeping with Edelgard was to Rhea, a moment. Something meaningful at the time –although it still clearly eludes her brother what could be meaningful about it- yet not something meant to last.

A single thought enters her head and gets her to speak. “She has my Crest,” she mutters demurely, if only to advance the conversation somehow, in what is a very weak and vain attempt to skirt around the core of everything. Still, maybe it’ll help him get that her connection to Edelgard is more than a moment to her.

Seteth’s eyes widen slightly in confusion. “She _what_? No, she has the Crest of Flames. That’s an undeniable fact after the traces of magic we found in Enbarr.”

Rhea nods. “Yes, she _also_ has the Crest of Flames. Listen, when… when they took her as a child, when her hair turned white… they experimented on her, and her siblings,” she explains and becomes aware her voice is shaking, already feeling guilt for revealing something so private for Edelgard to someone else without her permission.

She sighs, both in disappointment at herself and for knowing she’s just using this is a distraction from the real issue.

“You said the experiments were possibly Crest related and you were right,” Rhea continues, trying to make her words as distant and clinical as possible because she doesn’t think she can take dwelling on the horrors Edelgard went through as a child right now. “She was born with the Crest of Seiros and they forced the Crest of Flames onto her when she was held captive.”

Seteth is visibly taken aback by her revelation and his expression softens somewhat. “That… that’s horrifying,” he says in disbelief. “Why would they-”

“To weaponize her, Seteth,” Rhea interjects. “To use her as a weapon against us.” She swallows hard and struggles to maintain eye contact. “And they succeeded, right under our nose.”

Clearly conflicted Seteth glances down as several expressions cross his features. His head bows downwards over the table as well. “That… that must have been horrifying and traumatizing for her, to force a Crest into someone… that’s mentally as damaging as it is physically.”

  


“They took everything from her, made her feel weak, with no control over anything, then they told her she’d become Emperor, someone with great power and entire armies under her command.” A sad smile ghosts over her lips. “All that was left for them to do was point over her shoulder towards me and tell her I had ultimately been the cause of all her pain …and so the Emperor went to war.”

Seteth remains glancing downwards for a long moment as Rhea’s words settle in. “No wonder everything about her always seemed to be in such conflict with herself… Her motives must have been eluding even herself at times,” he mutters hoarsely, the thought clearly disturbing to him.

However when he looks up again a moment later, his eyes have turned cold once more.

“No matter the circumstances, it doesn’t absolve her of her crimes, Rhea. It’s still _her_ who consciously committed countless atrocities, regardless of her trauma and motivations for doing so.”

“I know, I’m not defending her or justifying her actions but-”

“No, no ‘but’, _many_ humans have carried your Crest over the centuries Rhea, and I didn’t see you sleep your way through them,” he tells her bluntly, his voice harsh and accusing.

Promptly he gets an uncomfortable look, narrowing his eyes in hesitant suspicion. “…You didn’t, did you?” he asks her with sudden worry creeping into his voice.

“What? Seteth, no _. No._ She’s the only one, I swear that to you.”

Some tension leaves his body, visibly relieved at the knowledge that his sister at least hadn’t been bedding the entire Von Hresvelg line throughout the centuries, then his eyes narrow once more and he gets a calculating look in his eyes, making Rhea uncomfortable.

“But her having your Crest isn’t the full reason. Or rather, the _true_ reason,” he guess correctly and Rhea subtly sinks into her chair just slightly more.

“No, it’s not,” she confesses with the ghost of a sad smile hovering on her lips. “There are many reasons, Seteth. And there are also many reasons, many things I did and say which I never expected to,” she murmurs uncomfortably, flustered and glancing everywhere but her brother as she’s overcome with a shyness unbecoming of her.

For a few short moments he gathers his thoughts until he reaches a conclusion. “Oh, you slipped up. She somehow got you to express your true emotions, those you always hide behind your role as Archbishop, didn’t she? And she liked that, am I correct?” he asks her in such a way he already knows the answer.

Rhea nods weakly followed by a demure “…Yes.”

Her brother laughs hollowly and it sounds more disappointed than anything. “Perhaps you should have bedded her many years ago then, if that was all it took to snuff out her hatred for you. It might have saved Fodlan from the war and all its consequences.”

She knows he means it as some kind of bitter joke but after everything Edelgard told her she can’t deny that if she were to have had grown close to her years ago it might have indeed altered the course of history significantly.

Emotions worm their way into her thoughts and therefore into her words. “She told me she would have given up her Empire if… if it meant she could be with me, Seteth,” she mumbles unsteadily as she feels her face redden, unable to cope with how torn it makes her feel.

His eyes widen slightly, in shock, in disbelief, suspicion -Rhea doesn’t know. “And you believe she meant that?”

“…I think I do, yes.”

“Well it’s unfortunate for her then –no, for all of us really- that she already lost her Empire,” he says, laughing wryly. “It would have been a good deal, and your sacrifice to ensure peace would have been a noble one.”

Rhea doesn’t know where Seteth manages to pull all these jokes from but she’s confident it’s his way of coping, though she can clearly detect the glint of humor in his eyes.

She tries to smile but she’s sure she just looks sad instead.

Seteth notices too and apparently finds her emotion not the appropriate one she ought to be feeling. “You’re sad.” He says it as if he considers it an undisputable fact.

“I am,” Rhea admits. Her emotions might be choking her up so badly she’s unable to express or explain anything of importance but she can at least find it in herself to confirm her brother’s accusations.

“Your sadness is unfitting for the current situation,” he points out not so delicately. “Why are you sad?”

Startled by the unexpected question, Rhea stares at him with a helpless look, so raw and filled with pain it surprises him as well.

“You’re in pain,” he states.

She doesn’t deny it.

“You’re in pain for many kinds of reasons, and the way the conflict hurts even more,” he continues. “You’re in so much conflict you can’t cope with it, aren’t you?”

Rhea’s not sure if he’s guessing or just being purposely vague to make it sound like he knows what’s he’s talking about but either way he’s right.

She nods. “It hurts, brother….it _hurts_ so much,” she whispers with quiet anguish.

Now it’s Seteth who looks pained, although a different kind of pain. He closes his eyes briefly and sighs.

When he looks at her his eyes are filled with strife. “You have grown to care for her as well, haven’t you?” he says and it sounds like he’s hoping Rhea will promptly burst into laughter at the notion and convince him otherwise.

Instead a watery smile ghosts over her lips. “I think I dug my own grave, there, yes,” she mumbles as she avoids eye contact. “Yes, I care for her. Very deeply so,” she confesses. The pain she now feels for having her feelings ruthlessly out in the open is a relief –a welcome distraction from the other kind of pain that has etched so deeply in her heart.

Seteth gives her a brief look of genuine pity before he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose again –a habit he picked up as he’s trying to make sense of things that seem to make no sense to him.

“How, Rhea?” he asks, his lack of understanding clear in his voice. “Just how did you let this happen? It makes no sense, not to me. …But it shouldn’t make no sense to you either. You _always_ hated her.”

_How._

Rhea finds it impossible to explain. So many different reasons, so many feelings that run so deep in her she doesn’t think she could possibly tell them to her brother –doesn’t think he wants to hear most of them either.

She did always hate Edelgard. Where did that hatred go? Or rather, when did love manage cover it so thickly the hatred became irrelevant?

Seteth is still looking her expectantly, but at least with some sort of patience. So Rhea swallows and searches deep within herself for the words she’ll know she’ll struggle with to say and convey successfully.

“How…” she echoes. “I didn’t mean to, that’s for certain. Neither did she for that matter. My first few visits to her were tense and unpleasant as both of our deep and conflicting emotions clashed,” she begins to explain carefully.

“It still eludes me why you went to see her so often with no apparent reason,” Seteth says with a hint of strain, conflicted and accusing.

Rhea gives him a wry smile. “I think that might have been an early sign that I wanted to be with her more than I realized.”

Seteth gives her an exasperated look. “And of course when you became aware of your newfound care for an inmate up for execution you did the logical thing and stayed away from her for the remaining duration of her incarceration and left her well alone in the dungeons,” he says bitterly but Rhea can just detect a hint of amusement. He knows his sister, and when emotions are involved his sister tends to make rather drastic and counterintuitive choices.

Rhea accusingly grumbles at him. “Bear with me Seteth, _please,”_ she adds in a slightly lighter tone.

He shakes his hand dismissively. “Fine, fine. Go ahead, sister. I will listen,” he tells her, attempting to be understanding in his own way.

She’s quiet for another long moment, both mustering up the courage and to find a place to begin.

“I haven’t forgotten her crimes Seteth, and neither have I forgiven her for them,” she begins tentatively. When she sees a hint of relief flood into Seteth’s expression she finds the courage to keep going. “She hasn’t forgiven me either, not for the way she hates how I control Fodlan through the Church and not for the way the Crest system I maintain has indirectly caused her and her family to suffer tremendously.”

A look of protest crosses her brother’s features yet he wordlessly encourages her to continue.

She sighs softly and crosses her arms on the table so she can relax a little. “We have come to accept that in everything we did –no matter how atrocious- we were committed to doing what we did for what we believed was the greater good.”

Seteth’s eyes narrow and he looks as if he wants to express his disagreement so Rhea quickly continues. “I haven’t explicitly spoken about it with her in so many words, yet that’s how it feels each time the subject arises.”

She realizes she’s fumbling with the hem of her sleeve subconsciously and pointedly crosses her arms in a different way to get herself to stop.

“So we understand the reasons and motivations for each other’s crimes –even those committed against each other- but we only understand, we don’t forgive. Doing so wouldn’t do either of us any justice and likely just hurt the both of us more. We simply… deal with it as it comes and then listen and accept, but not forgive. Pain is pain, no matter the intentions. It simply feels… irrelevant.”

She brings her hands up and lets her head lean heavily onto them.

A pained noises escapes her lips. “She told me… Seteth, she told me she wished she had reached out to me all those years ago, because now she feels she needed me back then,” she tells him, pain etched deep into her voice. She feels like she’s succumbing to the reality of what happen instead, because Edelgard didn’t –couldn’t- reach out to her, neither of them could have. Not back then- and the harsh reality just too brutal for her to cope with. “If only…” she whimpers, momentarily lost in an illusion of a world much lighter.

Seteth’s eyes soften and he almost seems to feel sympathy for her pain. “You truly think you could have prevented the war if you had somehow managed to reach out to her before she started her rebellion?” he asks her. In the way he says it it’s clear to he doesn’t believe it could have worked but all the same he’s curious what his sister’s thoughts are on the matter.

She smiles sadly and gently shakes her head. “When she was a student here… she already hated me, she was already fuelled by a desire to free the world and make it a better place, both because of the trauma she suffered which she indirectly blamed me for and by how the Slither’s were manipulating her from the shadows like a puppet. Any act of kindness from me would have been met with suspicion and loathing.” She pauses briefly. “And as for myself... I never liked her, not even when she was a student. I thought of her as haughty and over-confident and she aggravated me with her not-so-subtle distaste of me and the Church.”

“She did her best to come across as such, yes,” Seteth agrees almost gently. “I wonder how much of that was also merely an act.”

She laughs wryly through the pain she feels. “I remember thinking with disgust she would make yet another foolish Emperor who’d do nothing but embarrass her long ancestry all the way back to the one person worthy enough to me to give my blood to.” She shakes her head roughly in an attempt to shake the feelings which now shame her so. “She was a teenager, Seteth. _My_ student, a traumatized child who was forced to live a double life for forces and ideals she wasn’t capable of fully grasping.” Her voice is ragged, unsteady as emotions tug and pull at her. “….and she _needed_ me,” she almost wails. “She was right there, my own student in my own Monastery, and I thought of her as unworthy and _disgusting.”_ Her voice is cracking and she’s fighting the tears that want to fall in grief of something that never happened.

“You couldn’t have known, sister,” Seteth tries to soothe her. “And even if you had known she might not have accepted your help, don’t forget she was wholly convinced you were… well, for lack of a better word, evil.”

“I know, and that only makes it all the more painful.” Sadness worms its way into her heart, right along with shame. “Down in the holy tomb… Seteth, the moment I understood she had turned on me, that she was betraying me…without a shred of hesitation I ordered for the teachers and her fellow students to kill her….I was overcome with the desire to do it myself, to crush her with my own hands –I would have if so many people hadn’t been present. I was so fuelled with rage I wanted her dead without a trial, without so much as a proper execution. I wanted her corpse desecrated and thrown in an unmarked grave. In an instant she became something less than human to me, something unworthy of life.” A strangled noise escapes her mouth, one of pain and guilt. “She was only seventeen, Seteth…” she whispers as if it’s too shameful to say out loud. “She was only a child…” Her voice, barely audible as it is, cracks.

Only when Seteth reaches out to her and places his hand on her wrist does she realize more tears are rolling down her cheek and her chest is heaving in an attempt to stop more tears from coming.

“It was a messy situation,” he comforts her with. “Even then there were so many factors in play we didn’t know of or that we had no control over… I don’t think back then Edelgard had a good grasp either on all the numerous threads that were tugging at her to keep her exactly where they wanted her,” he adds and Rhea thinks it might just have been the kindest thing he ever said about the former Emperor.

She gives him a grateful smile and finds she has regained enough control over herself to speak again.

“No matter how useless it is, I’ve been looking back to those days over and over again to see if there was a way I could have reached out and connect with her… but the gap between us just was too big, brother. Not just because of Those Who Slither, but also because of how strongly each of us clung to our respective positions of power with fervent conviction, desperate to be in control. Without the knowledge we have now –without having grown capable of _accepting_ the knowledge we have now as truth- we never could have reached out to one another, no.” She ends with a sad smile, shaking her head lightly in sorrow.

Seteth seems deep in thought for a moment as he lets her words settle in his mind. When he glances up to meet her eyes once again he looks more curious than anything, it’s almost gentle.

“Then could you explain to me just _what_ it is that happed between you and her in there? What kind of shady or miraculous thing did you do to just make her hate for you vanish? Because as far as my knowledge goes, even in her last moment of freedom she still hated you and was giving it her all to try and kill you, even after her weapon was broken- even when _she_ was breaking.”

On impulse Rhea finds herself laughing, much to her brother’s visibly irritation. “Oh, she still hates me,” she tells him impulsively. “Parts of me, at least,” she hurriedly adds when Seteth seems to lose yet another bit of his sanity as a result of not comprehending whatever it is that Rhea got herself into.

“She hates a lot of the things I’ve done or that I’m responsible for, and she hates what I’ve turned myself into… what I ‘hide behind’ as she insisted on calling it,” she explains and fails to suppress the fond smile on her lips as she recalls the memory.

“But now she insists she sees ‘right through my act’,” Rhea continues and can’t help but laugh at Edelgard’s stubborn overconfidence.

“Right through your act? What does she even mean by that? Does she truly thinks she knows the _real_ you? All that we’ve carefully concealed for centuries now, I mean… you didn’t tell her those things did you?” Seteth asks her with clear worry.

“No, no of course not.” Rhea reassures him. “She doesn’t know anything.” _Of importance,_ she mentally adds.

She’s not lying to her brother, Rhea tells herself firmly. She might have shared… a few unconnected details, but nothing Seteth needs to concern himself with.

“She knows there are many things about me she _doesn’t_ know, and that really frustrates her, but she doesn’t know nearly enough to so much as make a guess in the right direction.”

“Then what does she mean?”

“Hmm, she might have no clue about any facts about me, about my past, but she did somewhat see through me, if only in a few ways,” Rhea muses aloud as she glances to the ceiling. “She saw some of my true feelings, I suppose. Or rather, she managed to get under my skin so much I might have indeed slipped up a few times, as you put it,” she admits sheepishly.

“So she hates you _and_ has the skills to make you lose your composure. Yes, I can see how those are both strong incentives to care for her enough to keep visiting her,” Seteth says dryly and once again Rhea wonders just where her brother got these seemingly new skills in sarcasm from.

“Oh, not to mention serving as enough of an incentive to sleep with her,” he adds mercilessly.

Not only sarcasm, it seems, but also cruelty.

Still, his attempt to call her out on her illogical behavior kind of fall flat.

Edelgard’s latent feelings of hate for her and the way she manages to rile up Rhea _just_ right… Goddess, if only she could tell him that that’s exactly what makes everything so exciting to her. Maybe then all of this would finally make some sense to him.

…But she has enough lingering sanity to know she really shouldn’t share that bit with him.

“I’ll admit my own incentives are rather conflicting and complicated,” she says instead, using her favorite method of getting away with things by being purposely vague. “But I think I can say with confidence that Edelgard’s incentives towards me have changed since her surrender.” Hopefully that will divert her brother’s scrutinizing eyes away from her guilty consciousness for now.

“And exactly what is it that changed her _incentive_ , Rhea?” Her brother sounds very weary now. “Could you please be a little more concise? Because I fail to see what being imprisoned did to help Edelgard see the light and promptly decide to stop caring about the cause she devoted herself to for years.”

Rhea gives him a wry smile, knowing that this part at least she might be able to somewhat explain – without revealing her most deepest and delicate feelings, hopefully.

“She’s free in there,” she says and promptly laughs when Seteth immediately gives her a very doubtful look. The irony of a monarch who ruled an Empire somehow finding freedom in imprisonment isn’t lost on her either

Rhea hums “Hmm, how do I explain this properly.” She thinks for a moment before the words come to her. “She and I are the same, well… in some ways at least.” Seteth’s expression now turns both doubtful and very suspicious, causing Rhea to steel herself as she tries to make him understand things as best as she can.

“You often tell me I wear a mask in public. That the person I am while acting as the Archbishop is not who _I_ am underneath, not completely.”

Seteth gives her a tentative nod. It’s something he occasionally says, or at least implies, but it’s a subject neither of them have ever been comfortable enough with to really touchup on. Mostly because Rhea always deftly skirts around all his implications, laughing everything he tries to bring up away with practiced ease.

Rhea summons her inner strength, not being particular good at opening up and being truthful about herself, but she needs to, to be seen for once. “…You are more right in your assumption than you know, a lot of my true feelings, my true self, is covered underneath all the regalia, headpieces and smiles I wear.” She sighs wistfully and stares at the ceiling. “It’s exhausting –sometimes incredibly so- but not terrible nor unbearable.”

Her gaze turns to her brother again and for a moment she struggles to continue as she suddenly feels very vulnerable.

She sounds more emotional than she intended when she speaks up again. “But I _need_ to hide like that, Seteth. I don’t want anyone to see me. My role as Archbishop might be confining but it provides me with a clear set of rules I can use to thrive within and I need that because it gives me peace and control. It makes me feel safe. Powerful too in a way, because no one can ever pierce through my façade and hurt me,” she explains, then almost fearfully adds, “… not in the ways I’ve been hurt before.”

Seteth looks slightly taken aback by her revelation. It’s not as if Rhea is never herself around him and Flayn, not as if she never purposely lets her mask slip when it is just the three of them. She laughs along with them, occasionally vents her frustration about something that is bothering her, she shares her genuine opinions with them often enough.

Yet always in a muted way, always carefully calculated, afraid they’ll see through her cracks and find things she wants no one to know about.

So while to some extend he already knew, hearing it so open and blunt from Rhea herself is somewhat of a shock to him as it gives him a glimpse into the deeper and more complicated sides of Rhea she usually fiercely guards.

She can tell the exact moment when it clicks in him.

“And Edelgard is…”

“The same,” Rhea finishes for him with an odd kind of fondness.

“Explain to me how,” he encourages her, his disbelief and frustration wavering as his curiosity takes over.

“When she was ten, when they saved her from those experiments she made a vow. She swore she’d turn herself into the Emperor she thought she needed to be in order to protect the people of Fodlan from ever suffering under the Crest system like she had. To her that meant freeing Fodlan from the rigid social structures the nobility upheld because of the importance of Crests –which ultimately made me the source of everything that prevented her from creating the future she envisioned.”

Seteth remains silent yet starts to look rather weary and a little condescending when it comes to Edelgard’s reasons for rising to power.

Rhea ignores him- even though she agrees with him- and an uncontrollable smile breaks onto her features.

“But in _there_ Seteth, she’s free of all those numerous heavy burdens and layers and masks she hid herself in and buried herself under. All that’s left is a young woman who is so _utterly_ clever, witty and intuitive and _so_ good with words. She’s rebellious and curious to a fault, and… and it engages me. It makes me feel alive. No, _she_ makes me feel alive.”

Her smile widens even more as her heart swells. “Because when I’m with here in there, I too can shed all my masks and disguises. Truthfully she –only half purposefully- delicately peels off all my carefully created layers one by one. At first I thought it was terrifying and I lashed out but… but now it’s so freeing, to let her see me as I truly am. She doesn’t even know half of it, not my true name or form, not my age but I _long_ to tell her those truths as well, I want her to see _all_ me and judge me in her own tantalizing way of doing so.” When her words finally stop she has to catch her breath as she forgot to breathe while talking and she becomes aware just how excited she feels.

And how much delicate things she just revealed about herself, how _passionate_ she was in talking about her feelings –something she never does.

With fear she looks at her brother tentatively and her expression falters when she notices the grave concern he’s failing to hide.

“Rhea… your eyes are shining,” he states numbly with clear discomfort in his voice.

She feels her cheeks flush at his comment and impulsively brushes her fingers against her lips only to find she’s even _smiling_ without realizing she is.

When she glances back at Seteth, she notices the rapidly growing concern in his expression and it promptly wipes the smile of her face.

“I… yes… Sorry,” she mutters, her cheeks now reddening in shame.

His eyes narrow and he gives her an odd look. “You’re in way too deep, aren’t you, my sister?” His voice quiet yet tense with apprehension and worry.

Rhea closes her eyes for a moment and swallows down the hurt threatening to force itself into her expression, into her words.

When she opens them again her expression is calm, resigned.

“She makes me so happy, Seteth,” she admits quietly.

“…Why?”

“Because… because with her I can be my true self and… and she _loves_ it. She loves and enjoys all the sides of me I have been suffocating inside myself for centuries. She saw straight through the personality I crafted to suit the role of Archbishop – pretending to play along bored her- and mercilessly drew out all the parts of me that were yearning to come alive once more. I loathed it at first because it was terrifying to be seen, to be _truly_ seen for who I am, but she accepted every single bit of me, embraced them with delight and gentleness and meets all of me equally with all of her.”

She wants to say more but suddenly shyness overcomes her and briefly she glances down at the table again. “Instead of wearing her masks as a suit of armor to hide herself behind endless layers she now rules over them, delicately twirls all those well-crafted parts of her around herself, plays and toys with them at will …and she uses them to play with _me_ as well.” She feels her cheeks flush as she ends her sentence, fueled by how exiting Edelgard’s chaotic self makes her feel.

She stills as she realizes she’s been talking for a long time now, realizes what she _said_ and realizes she feels she’s smiling yet again.

It takes all her strength to look at her brother, the sense that she has just treaded upon a path she can’t walk away from creeping up to her rapidly.

To her terror and fright he looks uncomfortable, unnerved even.

“Rhea,” he starts tentatively, his voice thin. “Earlier now you said she told you she would have given up her Empire if it meant she could be with you, right?” He sounds so wary, scared even, that Rhea tenses up as well.

She nods, with a nagging feeling in her head that tells her the next part of the conversation will be painful.

“…Would you?” Seteth presses with tentative urgency.

“Would I what?”

“Forgo your power over Fodlan if it meant you could keep her with you,” he says warily, as if he’s afraid of the answer.

Rhea numbly stares at him until suddenly her emotions fully overwhelm her and she feels tears well up in her eyes.

Because _yes._

And Rhea cracks.

“I _want_ to Seteth, I want to so _badly.”_ Her voice is quivering and thick with emotion. “I know I can’t… a- and I won’t, I _promise_ you that. But I would if I could, in a _heartbeat_.” The words come straight from her heart –completely skipping her brain- and the pain and sorrow are evident in her voice as a tear rolls down her cheek.

Her brother is visibly taken aback by her quiet outburst of emotions, blinking several times as his mouth opens and closes without saying anything.

Finally something dawns on him.

_“Grown to care for her,_ ” he repeats her earlier words slowly, tentatively. “...I don’t feel those words are an accurate representation of your feelings for her,” he muses aloud, but his voice is on edge.

Rhea gently shakes her head. “No, not by far.” She admits in a quiet whisper.

Seteth gives her a long piercing look, as if he’s mustering up the courage to ask something of which answer he doesn’t want to hear.

“You… you’re in love with her too, aren’t you?”

Immediately Rhea’s expression turns utterly desperate and helpless, overwhelmed by the swirl of delicate emotions coiling inside her, as more tears roll down her cheek. “I am, yes,” she whispers, both relieved and crushed for having admitting it out loud. “I’m so... _so_ sorry,” she quietly sobs.

Seteth turns to look even more disturbed, along with deep conflict and just a hint of worry.

“…I don’t understand, Rhea. Just…how?”

_How._

Rhea wonders to herself. Too many feelings, thoughts and memories swirl inside her head and she can’t seem to put them into a cohesive string of words.

“Does l-love always need a how, Seteth,” she asks meekly. “Often it just happens.”

Her brother gives her a _very_ unhappy look and makes a conflicted noise. His eyes turn sharp, more scrutinizing. “People fall for each other all the time, yes. And for numerous, often undecipherable reasons.”

His expression turns more cold, clearly not done with her. “But this seems as if you went out of your way to go and fall in love with the _one_ person in all of Fodlan it should have been impossible for you to fall in love with.” He sighs in frustration. “I’ll be sparing the both of us a lot of discomfort by refraining from reciting the countless reasons as to _why._ ”

He stills, closes his eyes and suddenly he’s deep in thought, as if trying to find just what it is that truly bothers him.

When he opens his eyes once more they seem filled with intent.

“Tell me sister, if none of the context the two of you are trapped in existed, you wouldn’t be the Archbishop and she wouldn’t be an imprisoned Emperor. If the two of you could freely walk among the people and mingle with them as… as civilians, what would you do?”

Immediately Rhea finds herself deep lost in thoughts, in possibilities, in _fantasies._ Her eyes turn distant, hazy and she can’t stop herself from smiling.

“You know, I was always so sure I’d go insane if I ended up living in seclusion, stuck in some remote village far away from all the tension, danger and complexity that I thrive on,” she admits. With a small almost mischievous smile she hums, “but together with Edelgard… I’d have all the tension, danger and complexity I could want, and I’d get it from someone I hold dear instead of the numerous people who are only out to get something from me.”

Rhea laughs and for a moment she feels free. “With her I wouldn’t be alone. With her I would be entertained when we’d go to the market, with her I would be exited to grow crops in our yard and with her I’d be delighted to get lost in the surrounding forest. She’s tantalizing unpredictable and maddeningly witty, with her I could find the kind of peace I have long since resigned myself to having been stolen from me. …With her I could find true happiness in building the kind of life that always terrified me.”

She stills for a moment. “I want to hide from the world with Edelgard…” she adds quietly, suddenly somber as reality crushes the fantasy she was deluding herself with.

She hardly dares to look at Seteth as fright etches itself into her heart, yet when she does she finds him looking back equally frightful. Not angry or disappointed…. Afraid.

“You have loved before,” he states numbly. “But…but not like this.”

He’s right, and it’s beginning to dawn on Rhea just what that means to her.

“Rhea when I saw you care and love other people throughout the centuries …something was missing. You let them get somewhat close, you let them hold you and while you found comfort in their company it was more as if you used your love for them to dull your pain, to cover the cracks in you instead of letting people help mending them. I don’t deny your genuine affection for them but in a way it felt as if you kept them close to strafe off loneliness and other things that were too painful for you to dwell on.”

He looks at her with careful curiosity, yet with a tiredness that only beings of their age understand.

“You haven’t loved anyone like this, not so deeply and openly that it leaves your soul bare and your heart exposed –and when I hear you speak it sounds as if you delight in doing so.” He stills for a moment, seemingly in conflict if he should continue. When he takes a deep breath it’s apparent he will.

“Rhea you haven’t been able to love like this since… since our Mother was killed,” he tells her solemnly, as if it brings a truth to the light which had been buried under pain and denial for over a thousand years.

And the weight of the truth is crushing Rhea all at once. The strict way she isolated herself from everyone, the yearning she felt whenever she would reveal only the tiniest and most irrelevant pieces about herself to someone she had grown to care for, how she clung desperately to her role as Archbishop, if only so she’d be loved unconditionally, no matter how shallow, no matter how one sided –at least it meant she wasn’t _alone,_ at least people needed her, at least she still had a purpose.

Her voice is thin yet quivering as she struggles to remain cohesive “I had to Seteth,” she almost begs him because he _needs_ to understand. “After Mother was killed I couldn’t cope... I couldn’t feel anything anymore, all I could do to keep myself from dying was to keep holding on to the world she left behind, dedicate myself to keep it in tact. But… I left so much of myself behind while doing so.”

She chokes on a sob and becomes aware she’s crying. Her voice is strangled with anguish as she speaks. “Only half of me has been alive for over a thousand years and… and Edelgard is the other half I’ve been missing,” she says in quiet pain, only to shake her head lightly. “No, what I meant is… Edelgard breathes life into the parts of me that died along with our Mother. …I have been broken for _so_ long and without any effort Edelgard just puts me back together,” Rhea smiles through the tears.

“She completes me.”

Only when the words have left her mouth does the truth truly sink into her very soul.

She wants Edelgard, she _needs_ Edelgard. She wants to make her happy and bask in the way Edelgard makes her feel happy. She wants to take Edelgard to Zanado and sit there quietly alongside her, listening to a hollow nothingness that should never have been there. She wants to tell her of all the things that transpired there. The peaceful happiness that clung to every corner, now nothing but an echo of a memory lost to time. She wants Edelgard to know of the destruction that swept over Zanado which left Rhea as decimated as her kind. She wants Edelgard to know how much it hurts to think of her Mother, how conflicted it makes her feel, because she knows her feelings are not good for her but she just can’t let go, can’t bear the guilt of letting her Mother slip into the past.

She wants to hold Edelgard’s hand, secretly behind closed doors and in empty corridors. She wants to hold Edelgard’s hand publicly, officially in a ceremony of marriage- one that will never occur, no matter what.

With a bemused start she realizes she even wants to make Edelgard the mother she never got to be –no matter if she has to break several -almost sacred- laws and dig deep into ancient and forgotten technology for that to be possible. (She was the one who hid the knowledge of such technology and put the laws in place anyway.)

She finally found someone who delicately mended her fiercely guarded broken heart without any effort. And together they found the courage to reach out to each other. Edelgard, equally broken and guarded, safely, peacefully along with Rhea in their own private universe where the laws work just a little differently to perfectly suit both of their complicated selves.

And their shared private little world will never become true.

This small moment out of time they have found together is going to be torn from them in a mere three days.

Reality comes back to her in full force, and it should crush her.

Instead nothing happens.

And that nothing makes everything fade.

Everything that makes up who Rhea is fades away from her grasp.

It’s all is too… white.

Too still.

She’s vaguely aware that she’s in some kind of tremendous pain, but it’s more a transcendental sort of pain. She can’t feel her hands, her legs, her face, bones, pulse…she can’t feel _herself._

All that Rhea is currently comprised of is rage, hatred, grief, sorrow and regret, all mercilessly swirling around in the gaping hole inside her heart, left there by the death of her Mother over a thousand years ago, for she had never been able to mourn. And just like she wasn’t able to cope with the harsh and painful reality then, she doesn’t have the strength to do it now either. Coherent thought eludes her and instead she drowns in her instincts, her true nature, her origin.

She wasn’t born.

Certainly not the human way.

Instead she was willed into existence by the Progenitor Goddess, whom she later grew to see as her Mother. She was never an infant. She never grew, not in size or mind. Her body –her true body- appeared fully formed within a gently glow which lasted only an instant.

But while her body came into this world fully formed.

Her mind _hadn’t._ When Rhea was willed into existence she was anything but human.

She wasn’t even sentient.

The first stage of Rhea’s life feels as if it lasted both an instant and an eon, for she had no concept of time.

She remembers it all, even though she had no ability to form thoughts, let alone give context to images, sensations, sounds and store them in a meaningful way. _Memories._

They would come to her eventually, once Sothis willed it. Thoughts, feelings, recognition, understanding, connections, desires, all of it until she fully mastered every skill a human naturally develops on their own. Only then could she give meaning to all the memories she had accumulated over thousands of years.

But even in her first stage of life she had been anything but helpless.

In the first stretch of Rhea’s life she was fuelled by what a human –who lacks the necessary words and understanding- would describe as instincts, impulses. A human would have described Rhea’s kind at the time as ‘animalistic’.

In hindsight, after they had become self-aware, Rhea and her siblings knew far better than to equate themselves to an animal when they had still been in their primordial state.

Because that was what they had been, primordial beings. Beings not fuelled by a desire to live, survive and carry forth their species like everything else in this world.

They hadn’t been an animal at all in those early stages, they had been a _force of nature._

The Nabateans had been the Heralds of Sothis, created in order to help her make sense of the natural laws of this strange world and later to help her shape the world around the humans, to aide and guide them in their development

And just how earthquakes and floods would indiscriminately shape the world without conscious purpose, so would the Nabataeans.

Unlike an earthly force of nature however, Sothis imbued all of her creations with a unique preordained directive, their first trembling step towards individuality.

Sothis, inhuman herself at this point in time, needed her Heralds as tools, each with a specific purpose, who would help her map out this complex world in many different ways.

Each of her creations was designed with a clear objective.

A single word.

A word which was uniquely theirs.

Creation, Discovery, Connection, Destruction, Order, Structure, Nurture.

_War._

Her Heralds helped Sothis understand the world and its many creatures better, and in the process she gained not only a grasp on the nature of the Children of Man, but also imbued herself with human thoughts, feelings, morals, and ethics, everything that a human composed of. And so, not before long the Goddess could add ‘human’ to one of the many things she had the right to call herself.

For that was how Sothis –and the rest of her species- operated. Not to survive, to conquer, to create, destroy or evolve.

No, Sothis existed to _become._

Sothis had always been many things, for such was her nature – her own directive- to endlessly seek out life, not to conquer or take from them, but instead to decipher them down to their very being – their atoms- and add a copy of their collective essence within herself, granting her their abilities, knowledge, powers, memories and many other traits far beyond human comprehensibility.

She was an amalgamation of all the life-forms she has encountered during her long lifespan.

That was what made her true divinity, a being that could wholly and utterly become and comprehend any other being it encountered, without giving up other parts of themselves and without harming that being in the process.

It was their way of growing.

Why Sothis and her species did this? That’s something only _their_ God knew.

The species Sothis belonged to rarely made themselves known to the life-forms they were in the process of enriching themselves with, often opting for idly observing, analyzing and deciphering until they perfectly sequenced the genome of the entire species, which they then added to themselves before leaving without leaving so much as a trace of evidence they had ever been there.

Sothis had taken a liking to a different approach, however.

Something inside her told her this was the influence of one of the many kind of beings she was now, but it held no consequences regardless. The goal of her species was to individually become as much and many as possible, not become a legion of beings that were exactly the same –clones.

So instead of quietly acting out her purpose, Sothis had become interested in the species themselves. Something drove her to communicate with them, to spend time with them and overtime, to teach and nurture them, granting them technology to propel their civilizations and watch how the young and tentative species she had found develop themselves into something magnificent.

Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.

But in the end she was deeply fond of all of them as they were as much a part of her as she was of them.

This new strange young species had fascinated her, with all their subtle nuances and counterproductive social structures. She could sense their loneliness, a consequence of their confusion and frustration at their lack of being able to truly communicate with one another and to understand the world around them.

They longed for someone to tell them what everything meant, to tell them what was wrong and what was right. They longed for something akin to the parents they had in childhood, whom they could rely on for help and answers.

They longed for a God without having knowledge of the concept of Divinity.

And Sothis, deeply fascinated by these beings and their lonesome need to understand, heeded their call with delight.

It forced Sothis to physically manifest into a physical shape, and when she grew more aware of what humans were comfortable with, a human shape. Physically manifesting was already something her kind didn’t enjoy doing much, as it confined _all_ of their vastness into a shape that could only handle a fraction of it.

So Sothis, while still incredibly powerful and full of ancient knowledge, had become a physical part of this world – a human- and for the time being disconnected herself from so much of everything else she was.

Now able to communicate and understand the strange creatures struggling to survive, she quickly concluded that in their idleness her Heralds – no, her _Children_ as she considered them now- possessed far too much passive strength, power and control over a planet filled with naïve creatures expressing something so sacred as free will.

She had put their physical forms – _dragons,_ as the humans would come to call them- together somewhat carelessly in hindsight. She had taken several aspects of other creatures from other planets she had encountered in her life and had slightly altered them to ensure her Children had been strong, effective and capable of fulfilling their respective directives.

While their forms had been efficient on their own, they didn’t mingle very well with the rest of the world. To put it frankly, they were rather clumsy.

And in their peaceful way of simply following their primordial directive her Children were compromising the free will of this young species, severely hampering their development.

And so Sothis, unwilling to change the very core of her Children –for she had grown to love each of them very deeply- granted them the same gift they had given her.

She granted them the gift of humanity, without taking away their Nabatean selves.

Half human, half force of nature.

_Saints._

It had taken Rhea –all of them, really- some time to get used to it.

In an instant they were gifted sentience, language, self-awareness, instincts, feelings and a reflection of the morals and ethics their Mother had developed for herself.

Yet even though they now possessed all the tools to be human, they were severely lacking in experience and context of what that _meant._

They struggled immensely with the concept of having a deliberate effect on the world around them instead of just acting on an impulse triggered by their nature.

Suddenly they could perform actions at will, and those actions had consequences.

‘Cause and reaction’ turned into ‘cause and reflection.’

_Did I do that? Was my action the cause of sorrow for the human? …_ Why _did I do that?_

Shifting between their forms, for example, was easy. As easy and natural as blinking.

But Nabateans were _huge,_ while humans… really weren’t.

And shifting between forms while being mindful of the change in size one was about to undergo while _also_ taking into account the appropriate proximity of the very fragile and very _mortal_ creatures turned out to be a lot more difficult for a creature which -until recently- hadn’t been able to grasp the concept of ‘another being’.

They had simply _been._

And now they possessed thoughts and feelings. Doubt and guilt, curiosity and envy, amusement and fear. And it wasn’t just _them._ Every single sentient being around them possessed those kind of abilities.

They were gigantic and clumsy in their raw power while humans were fragile and small.

Accidents happened.

Humans were heavily effected by death, it turned out.

As apparently, dying caused them to disappear forever, which seemed a rather excessive consequence to the Nabateans.

And it was not just their _own_ death that affected them, but also the death of others. They’d get very sad. Even the mere threat of death was terrifying to them.

Death was final.

Death brought sorrow, grief, hatred, disbelief.

It confused the Children of the Goddess endlessly.

These creatures were so delicate, both in their complexion and their feelings.

They relentlessly struggled to comprehend it all, for they were still immortal and the finality that death brought was a foreign concept to them.

Over time they learned and began to understand –eventually even mastered- feelings and were imbued with the same reverence humans held for the concept of death.

And love.

And kindness.

Hatred.

Envy.

Irony.

All of it, along with all the subtle nuances.

And so in the end it had worked out, in the end they gained the experience necessary to understand the complicate and intricate nuances that made one human, something that seemed to come to the Children of Man –those born as a result of conception- as naturally as breathing.

They too came to see themselves as human, in addition to everything else they already had been.

For a long time Nabateans peacefully mingled with the humans, enjoying their ways of life as they watched and helped their mutual civilization grow and develop.

Yet, no matter how much experience they gained, how human they felt and how human they truly _were_ despite their difference in origin _,_ Sothis had refused to take away the original directives they had abided by as Heralds to the Goddess, for it had been that purpose -their natural directive- which had given them their primordial individuality, their first sense of self. Deep down it would always be part of them, their original self. And their Mother couldn’t bear to forcefully change her Children’s very core.

They had become their own individuals, not their Mother’s tools or playthings.

Instead the Goddess had delicately woven her Children’s humanity, their free will, emotions, thoughts, experiences and everything that came with being human around and through their cores until their original nature had become a personality trait –alike to one of a Child of Man was born with- serving to aide her Children in making their own choices.

Her Children, Sothis came to learn in the final stretch of her presence on Fodlan, truly possessed as much free will as the Children of Man, which is to say they endlessly struggled and fought with others and themselves, convinced everything they did was of their own choice, all the while so deeply connected with each other they never realized how much they truly influenced each other –and how much their emotions influenced themselves.

A sentient species with individuality and free will, yet so deeply woven into both their own and each other’s feelings they had been a collective species all along.

What a fascinating form of life, Sothis thought.

When her time as the Goddess of Fodlan was coming to an end –she had seen it coming for a long time, too many complex forces struggling for freedom, for power and for individuality- Sothis passively waited for it. Being the human Goddess of Fodlan had been fun and granted her many new insights but she knew mankind was quickly outgrowing her. And truthfully she longed to be herself again, to be _all_ of what she was.

She felt the desire to tell her Children of her imminent departure, to hold them close and encourage them to live the life they wanted for as long as they wanted –for they were free to do so, to have fun and grow until they felt old enough, ready to depart onto what comes after life in this universe.

But in the end she didn’t, thinking instead that it was also a part of their lives to find purpose without her telling them to. They didn’t need her anymore, just like mankind didn’t need her anymore.

Or perhaps it was simply the act of a Mother who didn’t have it in her to say goodbye to her beloved Children.

When it finally happened, when Sothis’s essence was severed from her physical presence on Fodlan, she casted one last glance back onto the planet before she fully rejoined with her whole self.

It was a glance which lasted for an instant yet stretched over the centuries to come.

With a painful pang in what had been her heart mere moments ago Sothis concluded she got it all wrong, as she watched her Children struggle to make peace with both their Nabbatean selves and their Human selves in a world which tumbled and twisted around them, all the while longing for their Mother who had always been there to guide them.

She wondered if she was even worthy of calling herself their Mother, because it felt as if she had utterly failed in many aspects human mothers almost instinctively succeeded in.

All of Fodlan had become dependent on her, along with her Children. She had been the answer to all their questions, the comfort to all their doubts.

Even if Sothis was leaving Fodlan it would continue to call out to her, both as a Goddess and a Mother, and she wouldn’t be there anymore to answer. They would be left alone, confused, broken and unable to rely on themselves to figure out what was right or wrong, never having learned how to do so as she had always done so for them instead.

She should never have meddled so carelessly with life.

With sorrow the waning Goddess of Fodlan realized her grave mistake, and the hurt it would cause both her Children and humanity over the centuries.

It had been the most human thing the Progenitor Goddess had ever done.

  


* * *

_  
_

_War._

It’s all Rhea can think of.

_War. War. War._

The thought throbs inside her as if it’s a heartbeat.

Not just a heartbeat, it’s also in her _blood._

_War_ courses through her veins, into every cell in every organ in steady and loud pulses.

She knows something is wrong with her, she knows something has cracked, but she doesn’t know _what._

Something is locking parts of her away, to shield Rhea from them or to shield them from Rhea, she doesn’t know.

But as most of her disappears behind locked doors, one powerful and overwhelming singular _something_ starts to rise in her, quickly overtaking all her senses.

They –the enemy- are threatening to unrightfully take something important from her. No, _worse._ They are going to take someone from her by _killing_ them.

Her logic tells her that this is a declaration of _war._

Balance must be maintained, all must be kept even and so Rhea – War- will do what her nature is telling her to do.

She will go to _war._

Thoughts, feelings and memories seem to slip away from her –hollowing her out- as something ancient, familiar and nostalgic gently fills the new and painful hollowness inside her.

Still, something tugs at her crumbling mind. War was supposed to be impartial when she partook in the wars of humans, serving as an aide to make their efforts more effective, quicker and less harmful to them. For her Mother had quickly realized that when the Children of Men went to war –and they did so frequently- it was messy, chaotic and in the end would only serve to hamper their development as their numbers dwindled, social structures were torn apart and their civilizations were repeatedly crushed into dust.

War’s purpose wasn’t to cause wars nor to end them, but to ensure that whenever mankind made the choice to go to war it would serve their development instead of causing so much suffering and loss they needed years to recover.

For mankind was free to make their own choices.

And all War had to do was to aide them, idly and without an interest in the outcome.

But… but this time War doesn’t want to idly watch and guide opposing forces clash until one surrenders.

No, she wants to _be_ the imposing force, to decimate all who dare stand against her, all who wish to wrong her.

This time War is personally involved.

Something akin to confusion ripples through her, for such a thing shouldn’t be possible. She has no will, no desires, she shouldn’t want to cause a war, and certainly not get involved.

She only has her directive.

But something is interfering with it.

Something… something _human._

With a start she realizes there is something human inside her, writhing and struggling in the chaotic way humans do, desperate to be heard.

The human part in her is suffering, War thinks. It feels powerless and is terrified it will break.

And suddenly War is fiercely determined to protect the hurting human inside her from further harm.

To protect herself.

“I _cannot_ let them take her from me!” she screeches hoarsely.

It confuses War, for War never had a voice, never had _words._

She feels two arms firmly wrap around her waist. If she had any instincts she would have fought with all her might to get away from their hold.

Instead War feels even more confused. She has a _waist,_ with a start she realizes she has a whole body. A _human_ one no less.

War never had a body.

“Rhea,” she hears a voice say, gentle yet firm, “This isn’t you, not anymore. Please, you have to snap out of it,” the familiar force urges her on, still sounding comforting, yet urgent, desperate.

War gasps as thoughts enter her mind.

Because while War never had a voice, nor words nor a body –never had anything human at all inside her.

_Rhea_ did.

“It _hurts,_ ” she wails to nothing in particular, not yet able to comprehend the concept of anything existing outside of herself and merely desperate to express her pain somehow.

Her legs wobble dangerously and she has just enough time to realize that at some point she somehow had stood up and now her front was leaning heavily against the wall, before her legs give out under her.

The arms around her waist tighten and ensure her fall doesn’t hurt, instead the arms gently lower the both of them until she’s pressed in between the wall and the warmth of the being holding her.

“I know, sister,” the voice murmurs soothingly. “I know it hurts. But please don’t give in to your pain and fury…. Please just cry instead… Please allow yourself to feel sorrow, let yourself mourn, just for once in your life.”

_Sister._ She is someone’s sister. She has siblings and having siblings is a very human concept.

Finally it comes back to her in a heated rush. She’s _human._ Or rather she’s multiple things and has been different kind of things over the centuries, but among that she’s most definitely and predominately _also_ human.

“Brother,” she gasps hoarsely. Her breathing is ragged, her mind is reeling and a dull ache throbs throughout her body. The pain somehow helps her ground herself in her physical form –one she had always found comfort in during her long lifespan.

“Oh Rhea, thank the Goddess,” her brother mutters unsteadily into her back. “I… you... I didn’t know what to do. Sister, it felt as if you were…fading,” he rasps and she can feel him tremble against her. “I was so terrified I was losing you.”

She finds it in herself to move her body and turns until Seteth is leaning against her side, arms still firmly wrapped around her waist. “…Seteth,” she whispers, struggling to sound coherent as her chest is heaving and it’s hard to breathe. “Seteth, what happened?” Suddenly struck by dread she hesitantly adds, “What have I done?”

She has no detailed memories of her… lapse, but she remembers the feelings. That overpowering singular urge droning throughout her very being, as all of her humanity, her millennia of experiences reduced to a weakly murmuring white noise.

“Nothing happened, you didn’t cause any harm,” he reassures her quickly and instantly Rhea feels relief was over her.

“But…” He continues. “But you…” Something about his voice feels off to Rhea, as if there is something deeply wrong. He sounds afraid.

No, not just afraid. He sounds unnerved, terrified.

For the first time she finds the strength to dare to look at his face and the sight makes her blood run cold.

Seteth, always so composed –his only flaw his inability to mask his perpetual annoyance at everything- is utterly pale, with wide and horrorstruck eyes where tears have been accumulating until they had rolled down his cheeks, leaving traces of wet stains behind.

“What did I do?” she asks him again in quiet agony, impulsively grabbing onto his arm around her stomach. “Please, brother. I’m here. It’s alright,” she tries to reassure him but her voice is trembling so much she doesn’t think it’s very convincing.

“Rhea,” he rasps. ‘I could feel you, _all_ of what makes you _you_ fade from you,” he tells her, the fear evident in his trembling voice. “It was as if you were losing your humanity. And… and I don’t mean you were about to transform in your true form, but it felt as if… as if the… the thing we were when our Mother created us…as if you were returning to that.” He struggles to find the words and Rhea realizes he’s so afraid his racing mind is working against him in his panic.

A strange sorrowful calmness overcomes her as she glances towards the floor. “War,” she mumbles.

“It was telling me to go to war for her...” She adds numbly.

She feels tears well up in her eyes as her emotions flood her senses. “ _Seteth,”_ she chokes out. “ _Why_ did Mother make me a War Saint? Why did she create me as a being made to destroy, to make _others_ kill and destroy?” she struggles to say as tears freely spill from her eyes. “Why did she have to fill me with so much wrath and hatred?” she sobs.

Seteth moves her to lean against his shoulder and brushes his hand against her back in an attempt to calm her. “You know Mother wasn’t yet human herself when she created us. She didn’t create you because she wanted you to destroy with intent,” he tells her gently to comfort her. “…And truthfully I don’t think Mother fully understood the consequences of what would happen when she added humanity into our primordial selves,” he adds quietly, as if questioning their Mother’s intentions or wisdom is something forbidden.

It is something Rhea considers deeply forbidden.

But right now it’s a comforting thought.

“Mother was always so frustratingly elusive and cryptic in her methods,” he continues. “She hardly ever went into detail to explain her reasons,” he adds, sounding both fond and slightly frustrated.

Rhea laughs quietly as she too recalls her Mother’s often mysterious ways of doing things. “Yes, it always felt like she possessed some kind deeper understanding of so many things that we didn’t get at all.”

“I sometimes wonder if she truly did,” Seteth muses. He gives Rhea a questioning look. “Do you remember what she said when she insisted it was of utmost importance Flayn was given a directive too? Despite me and our siblings arguing that she was created and born the human way and therefore should be able to develop herself on her own as she grew?” he asks her.

“ _I know what I’m doing, dear Children of mine,”_ Rhea quotes her Mother and neither of them can withhold their amused laughter at the memory. It’s soothing and momentarily distracts Rhea from her pain.

“Yes,” Seteth smiles. “Her insistence of how important it was eluded me –frustrated me even- until she explained Flayn carried the same immortality and powers we had, and even though she’d grow and learn as a human would her Nabatean side would grow restless, incomplete without a directive,” he says, the hint of doubt in his voice betraying how he still struggles with it. “And even then I didn’t really understand, only letting Mother do it because I trusted her.”

His slight struggle in understanding their Mother makes Rhea feel nostalgic. Their Mother would often do things they couldn’t wrap their minds around, yet Seteth, Rhea and all their siblings wholly trusted her in the end, for they truly believed her wisdom went far beyond their own.

_But what if that hadn’t been the case?_

Rhea never doubted her Mother –didn’t want to and didn’t dare to- but thought is suddenly very unnerving to her.

“Seteth,” she says, her voice barely audible. “Do…do you think she made a mistake with me?” she murmurs, an old fear creeping into her. “Do you think she accidently made me truly as broken as I feel sometimes?” The thought is terrifying to her, and not the first time it plagues her mind.

It is the first time she shares the deeply rooted fear with someone, however.

Seteth makes a sound of protest as he gently shakes her shoulders for a moment. “No mother makes a broken child, Rhea,” he chides her softly. “I won’t deny your specific directive is a difficult one to adapt to in times of peace, but you’ve done it wonderfully. You turned yourself into a being of mercy and forgiveness.”

“I did that out of guilt, brother. Out of guilt for who I am –what I am- deep down,” she whispers in agony and shame. “And because of what we lost. I wanted everything we still had to remain the same.”

Seteth shakes his head gently. “All this time…” he says as the harsh reality of Rhea’s life settles in his mind. “Oh, Rhea,” he chokes out and buries his head into her shoulder. “All this time you have been so cruel to yourself, so incredibly hard on yourself. Rhea, you are so much more human than you think,” he says, his voice fast and filled with genuine conviction. “All of mankind struggles with feelings of hatred, anger and wrath. And it’s up to each and every one of them to deal with those, preferably in a peaceful way. _You_ just happened to be an incredibly powerful being in a position of equal power, one who was wronged and hurt deeply no less.”

He raises his head from her shoulder and meets her eyes. “Anyone would be tempted to exert the power they have to sway things their way with force, but no human is that powerful. _You_ on the other hand _are,_ and yet you use that power for peace and stability. I’m confident many humans would use such power to force the world to their will if they had the power to do so.” His voice is louder now, as he pours the confidence he has in his sister into every word.

“But I feel so much wrath, Seteth,” Rhea argues feebly, still uncertain.

“And instead of resorting to violence and cruelty you opted for peace and forgiveness. It’s your actions that matter, sister. Not your thoughts.” He gives her a gentle smile. “Heavens know your thoughts tend to be erratic and impractical most of the time,” he says teasingly.

She returns his smile with a weak one of her own. “My thoughts are very tiresome, yes,” she agrees softly.

Rhea wistfully looks up at the ceiling. “I was often jealous of your directive, you know,” she admits carefully. “ _Nurture._ It seemed so much less complicated, and without so many delicate and ethical things to consider...”

She knows it’s petty of her, to be jealous of someone else’s personality. It shouldn’t make sense, yet still the thought often tugged at her feelings all those centuries ago.

He gives her a conflicted, almost fragile look, as if he’s unsure if he should say what’s on his mind. “To be truthful… it terrified me, Rhea,” he admits in a whisper. He glances away from her as if he cannot bear to look her in the eyes as he continues. “I kept wondering, over and over again, if it had merely been my directive that subconsciously made me want to have a child,” he says even quieter.

He finally looks at her again and Rhea is surprised by how vulnerable and scared he looks. “I was so afraid I didn’t truly want her –love her- and that I was merely acting on some echo of my original purpose.”

“You _know_ that isn’t true, brother,” Rhea tells him resolutely. “If it had been merely out of your directive you would have never spent so much effort to raise her in such a human way. You –we- are more than that, Seteth. We are also human, and no matter what, you love her in a _human_ way,” she tells him firmly and without a shred of doubt. “And even then you know how their instincts play a role in how humans love their children, but that merely serves a basis helping the true love and connection to grow,” she adds.

As Rhea was lecturing him a small smile started blooming on Seteth’s lips, which now turns into a full one as he breathes out in relief. “Thank you, sister. For your faith in me,” he tells her with gratitude in his voice. “I had made peace with it a long time ago, still your trust in me is such a relief.”

He sighs softly. “Love is so complicated, and the more one dwells on it the more complicated – and uncomfortable- it seems to become.”

“We are truly too old for our own good, Seteth,” Rhea laughs quietly. “We’ve had far too much time to dwell on things we should just act on without all this needless overthinking.”

“Wise words coming from someone who doesn’t do that at all herself,” her brother chides her teasingly.

“Perhaps we aren’t nearly old enough then,” she considers only half-jokingly.

Seteth laughs. “I wonder if we ever will be. It seems both of us struggle with making sense of how to reconcile our directives with our humanity, it just feels like there is always this conflict inside of me.”

“Mhm,” Rhea hums softly in agreement. “The feeling is familiar.” She sighs. “At least we do better than our wayward brothers. They’ve outright refused to see themselves as human for so long now… I wonder if it’s because they cannot reconcile their directives with their human aspects,” she muses.

“I am sure it plays a part, although they still rely on their human abilities to be able to draw that conclusion, ironically as that may be,” Seteth responds with a wry smile.

It’s been a long time since they last saw their brothers, and even when they were still in contact their relationship was distant and tense. Both sets of siblings unable to accept the other’s views on both their own humanity and humankind. Both Rhea and Seteth had eventually respected their brother’s choice to withdraw from the public eye and live in isolation and hiding, despite how much they missed their estranged siblings.

Seteth chuckles softly, drawing Rhea’s thoughts away from her other brothers as she looks at him. “It’s funny,” he muses. “That out of all of us is it’s Flayn who seems to have no issue with her directive, despite having it been given it under such different circumstances.”

Rhea shares his amusement. “Yes, she’s gotten quiet adept at using it so naturally along with her humanity,” she agrees.

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it ‘using it’,” Seteth says with an almost proud smile. “My daughter has almost weaponized it. _Curiosity._ On its own a harmless concept, yet with how Flayn manages to surround it with charm, kindness and her _disarming_ naivety… well, she’s usually very effective at getting her hands on exactly what it was she wants to find out. Without hurting anyone’s feeling, no less.”

Both siblings share a moment of quiet laughter, amused by their younger family member and her persistent antics as she navigates the complex social structures in Garreg Mach with ease.

“We could learn a lot from her,” Rhea muses with a small smile.

Seteth flashes her a grin. “I’m proud to be her father.”

“As you should be.”

After a moment her brother’s expression turns more serious again as he sits up a little straighter. “But Rhea, I’m also proud of _you,_ ” he tells her gently with just a kind of awkwardness, and Rhea’s eyes widen, startled by her brother’s sudden revelation.

“I truly meant what I said,” he continues. “A great deal of power was all but forced upon you and ever since you’ve been so hard on yourself, struggling to ensure you only used it for what you believed was right, while also having to navigate the complicated path to find out _what_ was right,” he tells her with confidence.

“Although, I’ll admit I occasionally find your methods somewhat… questionable.” He smiles wryly. “Still, your intentions are well meant and the results you achieve in the end are always beneficial for Fodlan.”

He moves one hand from her waist to her head and pats it affectionally. “You were burdened with great responsibility, sister. And despite how none of us truly knew what was the right thing to do without our Mother’s guidance you solely used your power to guide and shape Fodlan into the future you envisioned for it.”

His words reach Rhea deeply and she finds herself relieved over something she didn’t realize she was worrying so much over.

It makes her feel just a little lighter and just a little less wracked by the deep guilt that always clings to her.

And then she gasps.

“Just like Edelgard wanted…” she breathes numbly and feels the weight of everything begin to accumulate on her shoulders again.

Her brother frowns and turns to look unhappy. “In a way, yes…” he begrudgingly admits, his voice bitter. “But while you -the _War Saint-_ did so with delicate patience and gentleness, _she_ was the one who went to war. A very long and bloody one, no less,” he tells her cold and plainly.

Numerous arguments in Edelgard’s defense rush through her brain. She was too young. She didn’t fully understand. She was manipulated, traumatized, hurt. She saw no other choice…

All of those might be true –if only partly- she thinks, but that still doesn’t absolve her of her crimes.

A murder committed out of love isn’t suddenly an act of virtue.

A war started out of trauma and helplessness isn’t suddenly heroic.

No matter how good Edelgard thought her intentions were, no matter how convinced she was her actions were for the good of Fodlan, she still committed horrible crimes in their name.

A coldness settles in Rhea’s bones, in her heart.

No matter how much Rhea has grown to love her, Edelgard has to face the consequences of her crimes, just like every human.

For Rhea’s duty lies with the future of Fodlan, and she has committed herself to this purpose, for her Mother.

Even though her mind is a mess, one absolution still dwells there with clarity.

No love should sway her from her duty, no matter how badly – how selfishly- she wishes she could.

She might _be_ the law, but she’s not above it, not if doing so will plunge Fodlan into chaos.

A tremor runs through her body jolting her out of her dazed thoughts.

“ _Seteth,_ ” she chokes out and the hoarseness of her voice alerts her to her ragged breathing. She’s gasping for air as she clings to her brother’s arms with desperation.

“Seteth,” she wails again. “Please, tell me what to do. I… do- don’t know what to do a-anymore,” she rasps and only by the way her chest is heaving painfully, making it hard to speak, she can tell she’s crying again. “I know it’s wrong of me to love her, that it makes no sense, that I have no _right,”_ she cries, struggling to keep her voice coherent.

She feels her brother’s arm tighten around her and it gives her the strength to continue, to open up in a way she rarely can.

“But I _do,_ Seteth. I just do,” she rasps feverishly. “And I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know what to _feel._ ” She stills as a deep fear settles in her chest and struggles to look her brother in the eyes. 

“So please, _please_ tell me what to do, how to get through this because I can’t think clearly anymore,” she whimpers unsteadily as the tears won’t stop coming.

Her brother looks at her with a pained expression and his voice is distant, devoid of emotion as he speaks. “As Archbishop it is your duty to the people of Fodla-” he starts weakly but Rhea interrupts him.

“ _No,_ no you don’t understand. I know what I _have_ to do, I know what my duty is… but I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep fulfilling that duty after… after she dies.”

Abruptly she buries her head into his shoulder, unable to look him in the eyes.

“Every time I try to think about it, how the people of Fodlan need me to kill someone I love for their own peace of mind… it stirs something in me,” she says, her voice muffled into the fabric of his clothes. “I am overcome with hatred… with wrath. It’s as if blocks out other parts of me and it becomes the only feeling droning in my mind.”

“It makes me want to get revenge on every one of them,” she adds barely audible as she’s overcome with shame.

“I’m terrified, brother,” she whispers in between soft gasps as she tries to stop herself from crying. “I’m terrified that if… that if I don’t do this right it will truly break me. And if that happens I will become the very thing that will destroy Fodlan, I just _know it,_ and I won’t stop destroying it until they manage to destroy me...”

She finds the strength to pull her head back and meet his eyes. To her relief all she finds there is care and compassion, along with worry. “So I need your help, Seteth, to get through this. Not as the Archbishop, not as Seiros, for that was our Mother’s creation... and not even as Rhea, for that is my own creation, how I shaped myself.” She shakes her head gently and gives him a helpless look. “I need you to help my nameless soul to get through this, to fulfill the duty I bound myself to without me shattering and becoming the very thing that will destroy what I’ve been trying to protect all this time,” she pleads him softly, yet with a newfound clarity in both her mind and voice.

Her brother looks at her with a pained expression which turns into a powerless frustration as he remains silent. Instead he embraces her, resting his forehead against her shoulder as she feels his hand lightly stroke her back.

“I don’t know how to take away your pain, sister.” His voice is thin yet sorrowful. “I don’t think it’s possible, not without severe consequences for both you and all of Fodlan.”

His hand stills against her back. “But… but I don’t think it’s your love that’s wrong.” In a slightly strained voice he adds, “I’ll admit I _personally_ am of the opinion Edelgard isn’t worthy of your love, nor of anyone’s… but I trust you and your feelings.”

He moves his back to look at her, his expression soft yet with a slight edge. “So, if you truly feel your love for her is genuine, then perhaps it’s possible you can make peace with that in the time you have left.”

_Peace?_ With what? How her heart is going to be torn to shreds. She gives her brother a questioning look. “…I don’t understand,” she mutters, “Everything _hurts_ so much, Seteth. How could there possibly be peace found in that?” Despite her tears having stopped coming her voice still trembles.

Seteth looks deep in thought for a moment. “It will hurt, Rhea. It will hurt you terribly, I won’t deny that,” he says tentatively.

Hearing the truth spoken aloud is painfully confronting and Rhea’s blood runs cold as she feels a loud ringing in her ears.

“But it won’t hurt forever, it doesn’t have to. Love is never forever, and to us loving a human is always painfully fleeting,” he says tentatively, carefully choosing his words. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it, that it wasn’t important. Even just a single moment of having loved someone can mean everything to them, to the both of you. So… go to her and reconcile all this conflict in your heart. Try to make peace with how fleeting your time with her was, so… so when it’s over you can mourn, and take the time to heal your broken heart.”

His words run too deeply, hit too hard and Rhea feels as if she’s suffocating while her mind struggles to keep up.

“What does any of it matter, _brother_ ,” she snaps as she gives in to her emotions. “She’ll be dead in three days, what does it matter if I see her again? It’ll only serve to make having to kill her that much more painful,” she rasps in ragged breaths, struggling to suppress a rising anger she doesn’t understand the root of.

To her surprise Rhea watches as her brother sighs deeply and looks at her with visible disappointment. His unexpected reaction startles Rhea –as fragile as she already feels- so badly she promptly feels tears well up in her eyes again. Guilt washes over her yet she feels utterly confused as to what caused her brother’s disappointment in her.

Seeing his sister’s wide and tearful eyes Seteth’s expression softens somewhat. “As much as your universal love for the people of Fodlan is selfless –even self-sacrificing- your love for a single person is equally selfish,” he chides her, yet it sounds gentle, even comforting in a way.

Despite his gentleness his words only confuse and hurt her even more, leaving her mute and feeling thrown off-balance as she stares at him uncomprehendingly.

“What I mean is, Rhea, that if you love her, if you _truly_ love her then this isn’t about you. Because _you_ have a future, you get the time you need to mourn and heal,” he explains to her. “But she doesn’t get that mercy. If you refuse to see her because it’s easier on your mind, well… it your full right to do so, but it will mean that Edelgard will die not only with the knowledge that the very people she went to war for, sacrificed her life for –no matter how unjust her incentive might have been- long to see her dead, but _also_ under the belief that the one person she truly loves hates her as well.”

His words hurt, pierce right through Rhea’s skin and into her heart, yet this time they aren’t confusing her because with a shock she realizes how truthful they are.

The anguish is making her feel lightheaded. “…I _can’t_ , Seteth,” she chokes out. “It hurts so much… I don’t know how, I don’t know if I can bear to see her again.”

“I know, sister. I know it hurts now, I just fear that if you don’t act strong now, if you don’t face your fears, that it when it’s too late the regret will hurt you much more and I’m not certain that the pain will lessen over time.”

He pauses for a moment before he speaks up, sounding much more strained.

“I won’t hide that I personally don’t care about her feelings at all, and will even admit I rather see her dead sooner than later.”

Rhea feels a combination of anger and protectiveness rise in her and her expression turns offended as she opens her mouth to express her anger. No words come from her however, as a logical part of her reminds her that it makes perfect sense for Seteth to hold no warm feelings for Edelgard.

He sees her expression and his own brows furrow. “She aided in kidnapping and experimenting on my daughter, Rhea. And while that’s only a fraction of the crimes she committed it is enough for me to never forgive her, no matter how many excuses or reasons you come up with in her defense.”

His eyes are cold and the tone of his voice leaves no room for argument. There aren’t any arguments, nor excuses, really –and deep down Rhea knows this very well.

Feeling deflated she nods weakly in acceptance.

Seteth’s eyes soften somewhat at her reaction. “I might not care for her, but I do care about _you,_ Rhea. And I worry how you will live with the knowledge she died thinking you hated her because you protected yourself from getting hurt by not telling her how much you loved her when you had the chance.”

“I can’t tell her that, Seteth,” she tells him resolutely. “If I tell her I love her… it’ll become real, it’ll become something I will sacrifice everything for to protect.”

Her brother sighs again, this time in frustration and perhaps with slight impatience. “Fine, if you insist on needing to play mind games with yourself for your own peace of mind then so be it.”

“No, that’s not it,” she stammers hurriedly. “I _want_ to do as you say, I… I just don’t think I’m strong enough to bear it.”

“You _are_ strong enough. You’re just terrified of getting hurt, and I can’t blame you… you’ve been through so much pain already… the both of us have,” his voice trails off for a moment as he blankly stares into nothingness, lost in his own memories, before he forcibly snaps himself back to the present.

“For once let down your walls, Rhea. For once stop hiding behind all your masks and smiles and your role as Archbishop and let her in.”

Rhea shakes her head fervently. “I _need_ those walls, Seteth,” she rasps. “I will only get hurt without them.”

“Let yourself be hurt,” her brother tells her calmly, as if that somehow is a logical thing to do.

“You words aren’t making any sense at all,” she tells him confusedly.

“Getting hurt is part of life,” her brother tells her. “Not always, but sometimes the pain is worth what it gives you in return.”

“I miss our Mother too, Rhea. And our siblings… and my wife. And it _hurts,_ every day the loss I feel hurts, yet all that pain is worth the love I held for them- that I _still_ hold for them. No amount of pain in the world will make me consider give up the memories I have of them.”

Rhea feels numb, her mind so clouded with panic that it’s nearly impossible to think or even feel, yet something inside her vaguely begins to click as his words begin to get through to her, to make sense.

“…Then what do you suggest I do,” she says softly, trying to overcome the terror she feels at the prospect of letting herself get hurt even more.

“Go to her, stay with her in her last days. If you truly feel you cannot tell her you love her then let her know some other way, show her how much you care, show her yourself. Help her find peace in her final days… I don’t think she ever found any sort of peace before.” Rhea can’t help but notice how his voice gets just a little more gentle, more emphatic as he considers Edelgard’s life. “I feel that if the two of you can find peace together and accept her fate then you will be able to make peace with her execution, even though it will hurt, perhaps for a long time.”

Her brother gives her a tentative look before speaking up, carefully choosing his words. “You never mourned our Mother’s death… not really. Sometimes it feels as if you’re clinging to a strange insistence she will return someday. I don’t think that’s good for you, Rhea. It prevents you from healing, from looking to the future.” He hesitates and looks at her with a calculating expression, as if he’s afraid he’ll cross an unspoken line. “I think it’s important you find a way to mourn Edelgard, both her death and the future you won’t have with her, and if the two of you can find closure then I have faith you will be able to do so.”

“You’re right,” Rhea finds herself mumbling and somehow she feels both defeated and relieved as some clarity begins to return to her. The things he said come with so much baggage, years of pain and feelings she has been repressing and denying, that she can’t possibly let herself dwell on that now.

But when it comes to her current feelings for Edelgard, he’s right.

She glances at her brother, as one thing doesn’t make sense to her. “You should hate her,” she tells him. “You have every reason to hate her, yet instead of trying to convince me of how evil she is you tell me to help her find peace, to make her feel loved. …I don’t understand.”

Her brother smiles at her, although it looks slightly pained. “I do hate her, but hating someone is exhausting. And my hate for her is nothing compared to my love for you, sister,” he smiles and the pain in his smile vanishes instantly. “So if you are convinced she’s worthy of your love, then I trust you. It seems you have seen something in her that I will never be able to see, so all I can do is trust your feelings.”

With a gasp Rhea feels the weight of how strong their bond has always been come back to her. They were always so dedicated to each other –along with all their other siblings- trusting each other’s reasons for doing things without hesitation. Their bond never weakened but with a heavy heart Rhea realizes how it’s her who has been forcibly keeping their bond distant and formal for so long now, never reaching out to him, never being honest about her feelings.

Always being alone.

With a fierceness unlike her – or at least unlike who she has been for centuries now- she flings her arms around him and hides her face in his shoulder. “I love you too, Seteth,” she rasps, her voice muffled by his clothes. “And I’m so sorry… for everything.”

Everything. It’s a very big and vague word, and Rhea feels it’s not at all enough to covey her regret about the _many_ different things she thinks she should be individually apologizing for.

But that will have to come later, her mind is too full of painful conflict as it is.

She finds herself crying again, yet this time it’s not out of frustration or powerlessness or panic. Instead the tears come with the sorrow she feels along with relief and acceptance of the situation, as she finally manages to make peace with the hurt that is to come.

Neither sibling says anything for a while as Rhea cries silently.

And much later, when the both of them are leaning against the wall side by side, their shoulders lightly touching, the silence remains as the both of them are lost in thought, trying to reconcile the conflict in themselves.

It’s a comfortable silence, Rhea thinks, and it somehow says much more than a lot of the conversations they usually have.

In the end it’s her who ends the silence.

“I’ve been a horrible sister,” she mutters towards the ground as she feels guilt was over her.

To her surprise her brother only laughs. “You aren’t a horrible sister,” he says reassuringly, but then, much to Rhea’s worry, he gets a sly grin on his face. “What you _are_ however, is my _little_ sister who clearly has a lot of maturing and growing up to do,” he tells her dryly. “And I suppose I’ll just have to patiently keep up with your antics until then,” he sighs in mock weariness.

“ _Seteth!”_ Rhea hisses at him, promptly elbowing him in the ribs as she finds herself fuming at his nerve to insult her in such a way. “You know as well as I to that the linearity of time has nothing to do with our creation. You are in no way older than I am,” she huffs defensively.

“Oh, I know that,” he says, clearly amused. “What I meant was is you _act_ like a little sister, you always have,” he continues teasingly. “Don’t tell me you have forgotten how it was _you_ who always needed to be coddled and babied by the rest of us.”

His grin is downright wicked now and Rhea has to exert a lot of self-restraint not to hit him out of sheer spite.

“Coddled and babie- Seteth, how _dare_ you! I was never any less mature than any of you,” she argues angrily, yet deep down she knows she might have laughed if he hadn’t hurt her pride so much.

“Hmm, are you sure? Because I recall very well how you wouldn’t leave Zanado for the longest time, always clinging to Mother instead. And when you finally did find the courage to travel with us you were almost adorably timid in the way you tried to hide in our shadows.”

Rhea feels herself fluster as the last of her dignity is utterly shattered by her brothers teasing, yet it’s almost comforting in a way as his words make her feel nostalgic.

“I… _Seteth!_ I wasn’t like that!” She still sputters, trying to save some of her dignity.

“It wasn’t an insult,” her brother hums. “But I often wondered why you seemed so intent on hiding from the rest of the world –from humans. It was as if you wanted nothing to do with everything the outside world had to offer, while I thought it was fascinating and exciting.”

Even after more than a thousand years of experience Rhea still recalls how her earliest time as a being with human emotions felt like.

“You don’t understand what it was like,” she says softly, suddenly serious. “Most of you had experiences with humanity that encouraged your fascination with them when Mother made us self-aware… but all I remembered was _war._ My only experience with humans was how they killed each other, how they were begging for help that never came as they lay dying, how they begged for _death_ that took too long to come and bring them mercy. I couldn’t make sense of it and they _terrified_ me.”

“I’m sorry,” her brother says with guilt written all over his face. “I… I didn’t… I’m sorry,” he repeats.

Rhea smiles at him gently. “It’s alright. I was content and happy living with Mother and all of you in Zanado and I firmly believed I never needed anything more than that, but once I did leave I grew fond of humanity and all the world had to offer as well,” she assures him. With a hint of shame she adds, “Even if Mother needed to push me a little at first…or maybe she had to push me a lot.” She can’t stop the slight blush from reddening her cheeks but she finds herself grinning slightly, amused by her younger self’s unwillingness and stubbornness to leave Zanado on her own.

Seteth laughs quietly. “Poor you, like one of those baby birds who get pushed out of the nest by their parents to get them to fly.”

Rhea scoffs. “Literally, yes,” she says, sounding more upset than she intended. “Mother kicked me out the first time, you know,” she huffs, still not over the memory. “She told me the world was perfectly safe and insisted I go explore and wasn’t to return without some sort of proof I went anywhere remotely away from Zanado.”

It had hurt her deeply at the time and she remembers her tears of anger as she wandered around aimlessly, fists clenched and determined to not appreciate anything she came across.

Yet now the memory makes her feel warm.

“She did that?” Seteth asks her, sounding genuinely shocked.

“Yes,” Rhea affirms rigorously, comforted by how her brother too seems appalled by their Mother’s cruelness to her.

“I traveled in one direction for days until I found some flowers that seemed unique enough to serve as proof,” she explains to him and then chuckles. “They had completely wilted by the time I got back home.” She raises her head to the ceiling, feeling an echo of the frustration she felt then. “How was I supposed to know flowers even did that? The passage of time was confusing enough on its own back then.”

She chuckles lightly, amused by her inexperienced and sheltered former self’s lack of understanding at how the natural passage of time affected everything in the world. “Still, Mother was so proud of me when I returned and showed her the wilted things. I remember how brave it made me feel,” she says wistfully.

She gives her brother a guilty, sheepish look. “…Although I never told her that before I found the flowers I ran into some humans and I was so overcome with terror I nearly crushed them to death as I instinctively transformed in my panic to get away from them,” she mumbles quietly.

Seteth blankly stares at her for a long while only to promptly burst into laughter and Rhea finds herself joining him a moment later.

Becoming self-aware –becoming _human_ with a conscious and all kinds of complicated feelings- in a single instant had been a very confusing experience to all of them and it had taken Rhea many years to consider that maybe the ridiculously long period humans needed to mature and stop being so clueless served some sort of purpose as it seemed to slowly ease them into all the burdens and struggles that came with being human at a pace they could handle.

And maybe when their Mother granted them their humanity she did so by giving them the cognitive abilities and bodies of an adult human, never needing to grow or learn as human children did, Rhea and her siblings still have started out as children all the same, albeit in their own unique way.

“It’s truly beyond me how you managed to get this far,” her brother says as he tries to control his laughter.

Her offended glare does nothing to help his attempt.

“You can be proud of yourself though,” Seteth says after his laughter has died down. “You’ve grown so much since then. Now it’s _you_ who coddles and babies all of Fodlan, all on your own too.” His eyes are filled with mirth yet his compliment seems genuine.

“Thank you,” Rhea tells him sincerely. “Although maybe I should do it a little less ‘all on my own’ and ask for advice from time to time,” she adds tentatively, giving her brother a meaningful look.

“I’d like that,” he smiles, then grins _again._ “I’m convinced my wisdom and maturity as your _older_ brother will be very useful,” he teases her once more.

He gets another elbow in the ribs as Rhea huffs in annoyance. “Are you quite done now?” She tells him pointedly, yet the small smile on her lips betrays her feigned offense.

“Never,” Seteth says coyly and Rhea knows she doesn’t have to doubt his sincere commitment to continue to keep riling her up.

“We’re so _old,_ Seteth,” Rhea finds herself saying. “Why do we still struggle with the same problems humans do? We ought to be much wiser than them, don’t you agree?” The thought annoys her and she’s unable to keep the annoyance from her voice.

“Hmm, I disagree. We might be old compared to humans but we served as Mother’s Heralds for many, _many_ thousands of years longer than we have been her Children, despite how our inability to experience the passage of time as Heralds made it all feel like a single instant.”

He’s right, Rhea finds herself realizing. And over that incomprehensibly long time humanity was ever changing, reinventing themselves, altering their numerous cultures, their civilizations rising to dazzling levels only to fall again over and over again, inventing unfathomable kinds of advanced technology only to have all of that completely lost to time mere centuries later.

And all the while Rhea had been there to watch them, a perpetual constant that never changed.

“Perhaps,” she admits. “But somehow it’s _humanity_ that’s always changing –for better or for worse- while we remain exactly the same.”

“No, I find I have to disagree once again. Mankind changes along with the birth of each new generation and that gap gives them a huge leap to quickly change their entire civilization –as each new human doesn’t have to shoulder all of the burdens of their predecessors. We, on the other hand, have to adapt to everything they split over thousands of generations in one single lifetime.”

Rhea gives her brother a wry smile. “Do we even have the right to call ourselves human then, as we always insist on being alongside our Nabatean selves?”

“Of course we do,” Seteth responds without a shred of doubt. “We think and feel exactly as humans do, at our core we are identical to them, we’ve simply have had a vastly different experience than they did. And while that might make us very different from them, it doesn’t make us any less human.”

His words let Rhea make peace with a deep conflict inside of her she wasn’t even fully aware of. Every human is unique and has unique experiences, so what makes them any different?

“It seems you might be wiser than I’ve given you credit for,” she tells Seteth, masking her compliment in a joke, knowing full well she’s doing so because she’s still not good at being genuine and straightforward in her emotions.

Seteth shrugs as if his wisdom is an obvious fact. “That’s what older brothers are for,” he says dryly.

Rhea groans in annoyance. “You just _had_ to push it one more time, didn’t you?”

“If you keep subtly mocking me, even if you’re secretly trying to be kind, then I don’t see why I can’t return the favor,” he responds bluntly.

Feeling very caught, Rhea feels her cheeks redden as a noise of embarrassment escapes her lips.

Seteth doesn’t comment on it and instead his expression softens.

“It was the last time for tonight, I promise. It’s getting late sister, I suggest that if you wish to face Edelgard tonight you’ll prepare to do so now.” Reluctantly he adds, “I know it’s probably the last thing you want on your mind right now, but her trial is still being held tomorrow.”

Goddess, the trial. She had nearly forgotten about it altogether. She has no clue how she’s going to make it through that, or even what to say. Momentarily fright threatens to trap her mind but much to her surprise she finds that her determination to see Edelgard before it is much stronger.

She nods slowly. “I will do so, yes.”

Rhea moves to rise to her feet, turning around to offer her brother a hand, helping him up as well as he takes it.

“In the meantime I’ll go make preparations for her relocation, then.”

A sudden thought strikes Rhea. One that Seteth certainly won’t like.

“I want her relocated to my chambers, actually.”

Her brother stares at her, his expression blank, then he blinks twice and utters a very resolute, “no.”

“It’s the best protected place in all of Garreg Mach, our entire floor is. No one can enter without my permission, both because of the guards and spells,” Rhea argues.

Seteth looks conflicted and Rhea knows it’s because she has a point.

“Yes, but if one of our enemies _do_ happen to find your favorite prisoner there I’m not sure I can sway that story into our favor. It’s rather incriminating, don’t you think?”

“But they _won’t_ look for her there, Seteth,” Rhea counters with. “No one expects it, that’s why it works so well.”

“There is no way you can convince me that’s your true reason,” he responds dryly.

Rhea can’t hide a small grin forming on her lips and Seteth groans.

“If I relocate her to anywhere else, will you keep visiting her?”

“Yes.”

“And is there any way I can stop you from doing so?”

“Hmm, no I can’t think of any way you can stop me, you’re welcome to try though,” Rhea shrugs.

Seteth gives her a long, weary look.

“You never cease to find new ways to aggravate me, sister. You make both my job and my life a living nightmare.”

“One of my many talents.” A sly expression settles on her face. “…And it’s become somewhat of a hobby of mine too, I’ll admit.”

“I’m getting too old for this.”

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before you decided to take on the role of my older brother,” Rhea points out helpfully.

“Alright, I had that one coming.”

“Hmm,” Rhea hums amusedly.

Her thoughts drift back to Edelgard and her newfound lighthearted mood fades quickly.

“I have no idea what I’m supposed to tell her,” she says exasperatedly, suddenly feeling very uncertain and out of her depth.

Seteth doesn’t seem to share her feelings and gives her a nonchalant look. “I don’t think I can help you much in that regard, he shrugs. “Perhaps tell her what you told me? But make sure to be even more vague and awkward about it. You know, show her your nature. And I don’t mean your War Saint side, I mean the side of you that made you cling to Mother until she kicked you out. I’m confident your prisoner will find it very adorable, and if not, thoroughly amusing at the very least.”

A weary sigh escapes Rhea’s lips as she flusters for what must be the tenth time this evening, yet she cannot find it in herself anymore to be anger by her brother’s teasing. It might just have been what she needed to find back her confidence and gratitude settles in her expression.

“I’ll get you back for that comment later,” she still tells him, mirth lacing her voice. “But for now… thank you.”

Seteth bows in front of her –one arm folded behind his back, the other over his chest, the exact formal one he always does in public, fitting of their dynamic as the Archbishop and her advisor. “It was my pleasure, Lady Rhea,” he says with the same usual formality. “I wish you the best of luck in your negotiations with the prisoner of war. Rest assured I have the utmost confidence you will be successful.”

She catches his grin as he rises and finds herself laughing once more as it dawns on her for the first time how utterly ridiculous it is that the two of them always interact this way in public, even if it’s the result of the identities they created for themselves.

It isn’t until they’ve parted ways, saying their goodbyes in comfortable familiarity and Rhea finds herself alone in her private quarters again that she feels her nerves catch up with her. Still, they’re bearable and hardly comparable to the anguish and desperation she felt when she first revealed what had been going to her brother. It gives her the nagging suspicion that a lot of the things he told her tonight –no matter how aggravating and mocking they were, or even those harsh truths he threw at her- he told her with the intention of soothing her unease.

It’s a little embarrassing- frustrating even- how well it has worked and Rhea wonders if she’s truly that easy to see through and be influenced by other people.

She dismisses the thought and chalks it up to Seteth knowing her better and longer than anyone, no matter how complicated their relationship has been for so many years now.

As she paces around her room she mules over what to say to Edelgard. No matter how much her brother has comforted her and imbued her with confidence, she still feels very clueless on how to approach this and can absolutely picture how she’ll flail around pathetically if she doesn’t at least come up with _something_ to clutch onto.

_Show her your true nature._

Her brother’s words echo through her mind.

And promptly a sense of clarity overcomes her as a clear path seems to open up for her.

It’s absolutely _not_ what Seteth meant and she’s certain he’d try to prevent her from doing so if he found out her intentions.

But that’s his fault for telling her to be herself. He ought to know how stubborn and impulsive her true self is.

She’s been longing to tell Edelgard more about herself, her _true_ self, and pointy ears didn’t really help to satisfy that urge.

Nor her former pointy teeth.

Or her vague comment about being a War Saint.

How she kept slipping up about her Mother.

And definitely not her revelation that she doesn’t _lay eggs._

(She’s still not over that one)

All the hints and clues about herself she has given Edelgard aren’t nearly enough to let her put the pieces together, and Rhea knows how much that has been frustrating the former Emperor.

How it had been frustrating them both.

Maybe if Edelgard learns about her, _all_ of her and not just the parts of her personality she couldn’t seem to hide from the younger woman, she will come to understand Rhea’s erratic behavior.

Rhea finds herself in front of one of her bookshelves, glancing at the many books until she finds the old and slightly worn tome she was looking for. Showing it to Edelgard will surely be mortifying and terribly awkward for Rhea, but it’s the best proof she has to convince her of the truth.

Telling her the truth –her truth- will be the most grant, complicated and terrifyingly exposing apology Rhea has ever made.

And while it might not cause Edelgard to forgive her she’s certain it will at least take away a lot of the pain Rhea has caused her.

To Rhea, that’s all that matters.

She takes a deep breath, steeling her nerves and soundlessly exits her chambers.

As she steadily makes her way to her destination, through dark and deserted hallways, she idly wonders how she’s going to explain over a thousand years of her past -not to mention the many thousands of years she has existed before that- in a single evening to a being who cannot even truly grasp how long a thousand years really is.

But she’s confident that if she finds herself unable to continue somewhere along the way, Edelgard will absolutely ensure she coaxes the rest out of Rhea somehow, once that girl gets her hands on a thread of Rhea’s secrets she’ll absolutely refuse to let go until she has unraveled her whole.

Rhea can’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my essay on why Sothis was a Shit MomTM but it wasn't really her fault, she just wasn't human enough to comprehend what raising children really meant. I mean a large part of maturing in humans is learning your parents aren't all knowing and there to solve all your problems, and you're going to have to rely on yourself to figure out what's wrong and right. Yet Rhea and her siblings never had to go through that. Worse, their Mother was a literal Goddess who did solve all their problems and told them what was right.... until she was murdered by the very people they were guiding.   
> It's painfully obvious Rhea never learned how to rely on herself, as she's literally been keeping the world in the exact same state as when her Mother died for 1000 years while trying to get her back as she's convinced only Sothis can lead humanity and Rhea herself is utterly unqualified. 
> 
> Look at me finding a way to make Rhea's mommy issues seem realistic and sensible in context. Whoa!


	13. Saint Seiros and her seminar on Deoxyribonucleic acid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update. My body has weird pain symptoms where my muscles are constantly cramped up intensely and I simultaneously can't feel a thing with them aside from painful shivers. This makes walking hard, and also breathing, as the muscles in both my legs and my chest/lungs are the worst. This leaves me so physically exhausted that writing is too mentally draining, often. I'm in an out of the hospital for research and tests so fingers crossed.... but it's a bit of a dreadful waiting game.

She’s a bit in a daze as she makes her way towards the dungeons, it occurs to her that ‘being in a daze’ has become her usual state of mind as she ventures to her destination in the dungeons. She supposes she can’t help it, her thoughts are usually very erratic when she’s on this path, not to mention her feelings darting along with it.

It’s late, at least later than Rhea usually shows herself outside of her private quarters.

Still, there are some people scattered about in the large halls she currently finds herself in, it's one of the most crowded place in Garreg Mach after all. The people consist of mostly knights, bishops and faculty, as the students have a curfew.

Yet… there is Flayn in the distance, who suddenly started trying _very_ hard to look as inconspicuous as possible when she mistakenly assumed she had noticed Rhea before Rhea had noticed her.

Now she’s standing in a corner across the hall, subtly admiring a lit candle in focused fascination like it’s the most normal thing for her to do.

What is she doing here, Rhea wonders to herself. She shouldn’t even be out this late. 

When Flayn realizes that Rhea has stopped walking and is now quite clearly staring at her she gives up her act on trying to blend in and not get noticed, instead she turns around and Rhea feels almost startled by how exhilarated Flayn seems to be with finding Rhea here.

Much to her bewilderment the younger girl gets an all but cheeky grin on her face and promptly gives Rhea two thumbs up.

Oh.

Alright then.

She supposes Flayn isn’t the only one who shouldn’t be here at this hour and was trying to be inconspicuous. Yes, after having been present by Rhea’s initial explanation to her brother Flayn likely knows exactly where she’s going now.

Still, she narrows her eyes and gives the girl a stern look.

_I’m telling your father if you don’t go to your chambers right now._

A corner of Rhea’s lip tugs slightly upward, a hint of a forgiving and amused smile.

Flayn’s expression turns sheepish and after a quick smile and a nod she hurriedly makes her way in the general direction of their quarters, making sure to keep as much distance between her and Rhea as possible while she does so.

No words need to be said, after all.

Rhea sighs, if only to make herself relax somewhat and continues her journey.

Luckily she doesn’t run into any more nosy family members along the way.

Although that does mean she finds herself in front of a now very familiar cell door rather suddenly.

Numerous thoughts instantly race through her head and they make her hesitate, yet she knows Edelgard has likely heard her footsteps and the longer she stands here the more awkward it will get.

She takes a deep breath to steel herself, although it’s so shaky it might just have made her more nervous.

Still, she finds it in her to open the door.

It’s evident Edelgard has heard her approach because she isn’t surprised by the door opening at all.

In fact, she doesn’t acknowledge Rhea’s presence whatsoever, instead opting to motionlessly stare at the wall opposite of her with distant, expressionless eyes, as she remains sitting in the corner of the bed, her knees drawn and her arms wrapped around them.

She’s been crying, Rhea notices with a pang of guilt.

Or rather, she’s still crying. Her cheeks are wet and Rhea catches another tear roll down them, but Edelgard refuses to make a sound, there isn’t even a twitch of her shoulder or chest.

“Edelgard,” she says stiffly, hoping to grab her attention or at least get some sort of reaction.

It works, somewhat, as the girl sighs wearily a moment later, finally giving up in trying to ignore Rhea’s presence.

“If you’re here to wedge the sword you stabbed into my bleeding heart even deeper, know that it is but one of many wounds in my heart and I carry them with grace,” she says with grace, eloquent and almost nonchalantly, all the while still not looking at Rhea.

It’s probably not the right reaction, but Rhea can’t help but chuckle softly at her words. “That sounds like a line from the highlight of a dramatic scene from some sort of play,” she says with a -possibly inappropriate- fondness in her voice. But she can’t help it, her love for Edelgard’s ability to articulate and word things so complex and delicately with such ease is one she cannot hope to ever be able to hide.

At that, Edelgard finally turns her head to look at her and to Rhea’s relief the ghost of a smile tugs at her lips. “Thank you,” she murmurs. “But I came up with it on the spot.”

Naturally. “I didn’t expect anything else from you.”

“Hmm.” Edelgard hums passively as her eyes turn distant once more and she doesn’t say anything else, staring into the nothingness somewhere behind Rhea instead.

It dawns on Rhea she’s feelings slightly hurt Edelgard hasn’t said anything about her unusual appearance, the girl always made her thoughts on Rhea’s religious attire and attributes very clear so Rhea had held some secret hope Edelgard would appreciated her more… homely change of attire.

And not a moment later Rhea is very disappointed with herself because she’s here to apologize damn it, and it’s clear Edelgard is deeply hurt and too numb to even properly talk to her, let alone have an idle chat about how her comfortable vest really brings out the green in her eyes. She suppresses a scowl, why does she always have to make everything about herself.

The silence is heavy and incredibly loud, she wishes it would shut up.

Rhea feels like her feet are nailed into the floor and her lips are sewn shut.

Rhea feels trapped and useless and she knows full well that it’s Edelgard who is very literally trapped and rendered useless while Rhea instead keeps trapping herself in her own maelstrom of feelings which makes her useless.

She tells herself to stop thinking, to stop go numb because of all the feelings. So many thoughts, so many feelings, not a single of them makes enough sense to her to be put into words. It’s all some kind of muddy ocean, nothing stands out in it and everything blends together into a nameless nothing Rhea is threatening to drown in.

Another sigh from Edelgard, still weary but now also on edge. “Why are you here, Rhea?” It sounds more like she’s asking why Rhea hasn’t left yet, or that she’s resigning herself to the fact Rhea is here to say something and won’t leave until she has said it, yet she’s pathetically unable to say it on her own so Edelgard settled on just asking her herself to speed things up.

But her question is very direct and Rhea instantly finds herself at a loss of words, not like she wasn’t at a loss of words before, but now she has been given an actual question she can’t find any useful words for to respond with.

Wonderful, maybe she should just write a speech beforehand the next time she visits Edelgard, she tells herself harshly, annoyed with her lack of usefulness.

Still she forces herself to speak, to stop being vague and just tell Edelgard why she’s here, no matter how hard it is for her.

“I came here to apologize,” she says, her voice somewhere in between strained and lightly demanding. “...to you, I mean,” she adds, managing to sound somewhat more gentle. She’s immediately mentally berating herself for her choice of words. Goddess, Rhea, who else would she come down here to apologize for? Herself? Yes, she’s sure she could twist and alter all that happened between them and lie her way into some kind of story where she’s the one who didn’t do herself justice and point that out to Edelgard. Leave it up to her to be such a spiteful, manipulative, selfi-

Her erratic and self-loathing thoughts come to a halt when Edelgard stirs.

The younger woman’s eyes refocus on her and for a short moment Rhea can feel her intent gaze pierce straight through her, as if Rhea and Edelgard are the only two beings in existence. It’s familiar and it gives her peace of mind, comfort and a hint confidence.

Confidence which utterly evaporates when Edelgard suddenly casts her eyes to the ceiling, still with wetness staining her cheeks but without new tears welling up in her now hollow looking eyes. Another soft sigh escapes her lips and her entire demeanor tells Rhea she’s not invested at all in why Rhea is here.

It’s terrifying for Rhea.

Is it too late? Did she truly break things between them that cannot be repaired anymore? Panic rises in her chest and she suddenly feels a coldness grow deep inside her body.

“What’s the point, Rhea,” Edelgard mumbles listlessly towards the ceiling. “We both are very hurt by one another, aren’t we?” she says without so much as a glance towards Rhea. The words hit Rhea hard, has Edelgard even truly hurt her? She feels a lot of pain because of her, yes… but that wasn’t intentional from the white haired woman’s part.

She’s about to speak up to point out the contradiction when Edelgard turns her head and faces her once more. “It’s not our fault,” she says solemnly. “Not all of it.” She considers her words for a moment. “Instead it’s the circumstances which are causing us so much pain,” she says softly, keeping emotions out of her voice. “Everything surrounding us is hurting what’s between us, or what could have been there. It’s adding tremendously to it, at the very least.”

She shifts on the bed to face Rhea, shedding the blanket she had covered herself with, and it becomes painfully clear to Rhea how much of a toll the last couple of hours have taken on her. Her skin is almost unnaturally pale, there are bags under her eyes, her hair is matted and her eyes look so dull it’s almost frightening. Altogether she looks so fragile, so unlike herself.

She looks like she has given up.

The thought causes something deep inside Rhea to hurt to the point of frightening agony, she wonders if it’s her heart but feels it’s more likely her soul.

“We can’t change the circumstances,” Edelgard continues, her voice hollow and her eyes distant, hard. “…The more time we spend together the more painful it will become. You need to leave me in the past, Rhea. You have to move on, you have so many secrets to protect and Fodlan to guide,” Momentarily she hesitates, biting her lip as a flash of internal conflict crosses her features. “I need you to continue in my stead,” she utters strained, with a glimmer of emotion, of pain, of hope. Rhea feels turmoil and agony at the thought of Edelgard wanting her to continue to guide Fodlan where she failed, it feels _so_ wrong.

The both of them failed.

“And as for me…” Edelgard mutters numbly with a fragility lacing her voice that makes Rhea desperately want to hold her and tell her it’s alright. Instead she doesn’t move, because Edelgard’s eyes meet her own and in those lilac depths Rhea sees even more pained fragility and hurt “I just want you, Rhea, the more of you I see the more I crave, the more human you make me feel.”

Her words make Rhea shudder and inadvertently she releases a breath which she didn’t know she had been holding.

“I was truly ready to die as nothing but the cold, unfeeling, hated Emperor who lost her Empire, her family, friends and who personally erased her own future as well. I had made peace with being nothing, it helped me _feel_ nothing,” she says slightly louder, almost dutifully. She closes her eyes and Rhea sees a slight tremor run through her body. “But now,” she says after opening her eyes again, which contain visible pain now, “each time you come to visit me I feel more alive, I feel more human …and that’s wonderful, it feels so wonderful… but it had been so easy for me to make peace with my execution because it had felt as if I was barely human anymore, I believed most of me had died already, numerous parts of me, lost and scattered over the many years it took me to sink this low, to crumble and shatter.”

A quiet sob escapes her mouth and it’s one of such deep sorrow that it etched into Rhea’s bones. “But now… you’ve made me feel so alive and happy and _myself_ …and I’m not ready to die as myself, there are so many more things I would have liked to do. You made me want to have a future again, after I personally ensured there would be no future left for me.” Another sob, this time it sounds strangled, as if Edelgard is wracked with conflict. “It’s _unfair_!” she wails and chokes on another sob, her chest heaves, once, twice before Edelgard forcibly exhales, her body stills and no more sounds of crying come from her.

Edelgard’s words don’t sound accusing, not accusing towards Rhea at least, but she detects the deep hurt and anguish that comes with Edelgard feeling this way, the slight tremble in her voice alone is enough for Rhea to see it. The world is unfair, time has been unfair, her past has been unfair and her future is unfairly taken from her.

Rhea has very little she can say or do to make Edelgard feel better but she has to believe that the one thing she came here to do will help.

She steels herself and calms her nerves, setting her mind to making amends and taking away as much pain from Edelgard as she can. “I came here to apologize but not in in hope it would grant me your forgiveness, but instead because I believe that my apology will relieve you of the pain you’re suffering under, most of it at least.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen slightly and her eyebrows raise, clearly doubting Rhea’s ability to succeed in her bold claim, or even her true intentions. Either way, her expression tells Rhea she finds the notion ridiculous, if not plainly useless.

“I fail to see how, each time I see you I want more of you, hold you close and never let go, yet each time you let go. And when you leave, I’m left with a bigger hole in my heart than before you came,” Edelgard tells her, trying to sound commanding but there are too many desperate plea’s in her words and voice for that.

Rhea hates herself, hates that she can’t will the universe, bend it to her will and hold Edelgard forever, like the both of them want. She hates herself for having left Edelgard so many times, leaving her alone, uncertain and in pain.

A shaky breath escapes Edelgard’s lips and Rhea notices how her body is slightly trembling while Edelgard seems to make great efforts to control her body.

Still she has the strength to meet Rhea’s eyes.

“So I concluded that perhaps it’s better if you stop visiting altogether, it’s evident you’re hurt too, you can’t even make sense of your feelings for me and that hurts us both.” Now her voice is slightly accusing, and rightfully so, Rhea thinks. “I can still control myself now… hopefully… but if you keep visiting me I might break from the pain in my heart and all of Fodlan will see their hated Emperor die with tears in her eyes while she’s begging to be loved by the one person who all of Fodlan thinks hates me and who will bring her sword down onto my neck.” She shakes her head fervently. “…Please spare me the humiliation, Rhea,” she begs, her eyes filled with raw emotion and desperate pleading. “I can’t bear the thought of them seeing my true self, me at my weakest, in my last moments…” She stills and stares down, muttering the rest of her words bitterly towards her knees. “They don’t have that right.” Her tone is as harsh as the shine in her eyes but it instantly crumbles again.

“They will laugh, they will cruelly write of my pathetic display in my final moments, depicting me as truly fallen, deranged and insane. Please don’t make me go down in history like that, _please._ ” Her voice is as pleading as her eyes, which are wide and filled with tears. “I would much rather be dismissed and forgotten by time… I wish I was already forgotten.”

It’s nearly impossible for Rhea not to close the distance between them –which is so small yet it feels as if there is a huge chasm between them- but she’s afraid that if she does, and if Edelgard returns her embrace she’ll indeed just damage her even more. So she won’t, not until they close the chasm between them.

She takes a deep breath. It comes out shaky.

“No, they don’t have that right… I will leave if that’s truly is what you wish from me,” her voice is shaking audibly and she’s on the brink of tears herself but she forces herself to continue. “But Edelgard, before that I have to apologize to you and I will do so by telling you something important.”

Abruptly Edelgard eyes turns to meet Rhea’s on and she feels a shiver run down her spine at how cold her eyes are. “Important? Hmm, important for you or for me, Rhea?” she says equally cold.

Rhea feels herself shrink, suddenly overcome with dread because what if she’s being selfish yet again? Is her way of apologizing merely another way to soothe her own heart and trample on the already wounded one of Edelgard?

She shakes the thought. She _has_ to try at least. If Edelgard knows about her then perhaps she can find some sort of peace, yet she also has to admit it will help herself find peace as well.

She sighs, still not sure if she’s being selfish or doing something that’s necessary and helpful.

“Both,” she admits earnestly. “I want you… no I _need_ you to know certain things about me and I truly believe it will give you a sense of peace as well.” She bites her lip at her inner conflict. “I’m sorry it has come to this… and I’m so sorry I’m still selfish about it but…”

She mentally forces the words in the correct order and manages to utter them as if she’s formally reciting them from a parchment.

“Edelgard, I want you to know the truth about me.”

At that Edelgard’s widen slightly and instantly some of that usually brilliant life is flickering in them again.

It’s all the confirmation Rhea needs she has piqued Edelgard’s curiosity. That was what she was hoping for, that the younger woman couldn’t resist the temptation of learning about Rhea, no matter how selfish Rhea feels now. It’s almost as if she tricked Edelgard, played into her uncontrollable need to _know._

It makes her feel guilty, manipulating Edelgard is the last thing she wants to do, but it’s one of her most skilled traits and she truly believes sparking Edelgard’s curiosity will be beneficial for her.

So,” Edelgard speaks up, sounding slightly impatient but also less fragile, “What about your ‘truth’?” She says giving her a pointed, sharp look, helping Rhea realizes she’s been quiet for fairly long now, at least by Edelgard’s standards. With muted self-loathing Rhea realizes she’s even been biting her lip subconsciously, which she promptly forces herself to stop doing.

“I…uhm.” She tries and fails, immediately at a loss of words again, the sudden frustration she feels for herself for that is just making everything worse to boot.

It’s so terrifying to open up.

But she _has_ to.

For Edelgard.

Petty fears be damned.

“It’s about your Crest,” she says, too impulsive and not well thought out at all.

_My Crest_

_Our Crest_

She sighs inwardly, wishing she could just have said that.

Her heart sinks when she catches the deflated expression on Edelgard’s face. “My Crests,” she echoes dully, disappointed yet again. “Of course, it’s always about my Crests, never about me, is it?” Her voice is on edge but filled with sorrowful acceptance, as if this isn’t the first time she got her hopes up, that someone cared for her, only to make it all about the Crests inside her instead of _her_. She glances up to meet Rhea’s face, her expression sad but still curious. “Tell me, did they find an effective way to make use of my Crests after my execution? Drain the magic from them for some greater good?”

Rhea shakes her head fervently but before she deny that Edelgard’s expression stops her from doing so.

There is a thoughtful look on features. “Or is it more personal? My Crest resonated with you, so do you have some sort of ability to truly drain my Crest magic from me and leave the Emperor to be executed as nothing but an empty husk?” Her breath is ragged and her voice unsteady, with too many emotions so painful or conflicting swimming in her heart. A hollow laugh echoes through the small chamber. “Usually I’d see the amusement in such an idea, or be allured by the idea of a part of me living on in you, but now I find I don’t feel anything at all.” Her eyes avoid Rhea again, instead she stares hard at the wall behind her once more.

It takes Rhea all her willpower to not close the distance between them and hold Edelgard tight. But when she sees a single tear roll from the former Emperor’s cheek she knows it’s unacceptable of her to leave the girl suffer in her sorrow, that she has to force herself to explain.

“No, Edelgard. This isn’t about any of that. It is about you… and what you truly mean to me.”

Edelgard turns to look confused and small all at once. “What could I possibly mean to you anymore?” She says, strained and emotionless, yet voice is trembling and more tears are threatening to spill.

In an instant cold anger washes over her and the glare she gives Rhea is the most terrifying expression someone ever made because of her. “I suppose you consider me to be lucky you found me interesting enough to serve as some sort of twisted pastime to you, something to relieve you of your dull and rigid live, a temporary diversion, exciting but safe as you knew very well I would die soon enough and dead men tell no tales,” she spats with distaste in her voice. She glares with undulated fury at Rhea for a moment longer until all anger abruptly fades from her.

A hollow chuckle replaces the silence. “Feeling anger for you is so much easier than feeling all this sorrow and agony all alone,” Edelgard says, her voice numb and devoid of life again. “I’m not going to apologize for my outburst, you deserve it,” she mutters accusingly but then her expression turns to look just a bit lighter. “But I know most of what I said wasn’t true. I’m confident you didn’t fake all of those moments of vulnerability you shared with me. I just wish that I could have actually meant something to you, something important enough you’d carry with you into the future that is lost to me,” she says with muted longing.

Rhea had been feeling so much dread and pain she could only listen but now her words find her again, mercifully. “Every detail about you that I have committed to memory will be carried with me into the future,” she tells Edelgard with deep conviction. “You have changed so much of me it would be utterly impossible to not carry you with me into the future, you are a part of me,” she continues, her voice ragged, unsteady but still serious and genuine.

Fragile hope bleeds into Edelgard’s features and Rhea can tell she’s trying to hold back more tears. “What could I have possible done that could leave a lasting change with you,” she asks with fright and almost convinced disbelief.

“So much more than you know… you’re everything to me, and you changed me down to my very core.” Rhea says with clarity, not even having to think about it.

She wants to say it, the truth, her name, her age, her origin but she hasn’t spoken of such words in centuries, it’s utterly terrifying. She clutches the tome in her hand tighter to her chest.

And promptly realizes she brought the damn tome with her in the first place to serve as a tool to aide her in getting the truth across, knowing full well she’d make a disaster of herself.

Under the emotional and confused piercing gaze of Edelgard she hurriedly opens the tome and hastily flips through the pages until she finds the page she was looking for, having memorized the location of most of the content since long.

“There,” she says. “Please, Edelgard. Could you read this part? It will help you understand, in a way…”

It likely comes out of nowhere for Edelgard and she might reject obliging in Rhea’s question out of sheer pain and confusion.

Her expression however, turns into muted curiosity, dampening some of her grief and pain.

Rhea hardly dares to approach Edelgard, the tension in the room too thick to make it feel like she has the right to go near her. When Edelgard catches her hesitating she tentatively shifts forward on the bed until her feet are dangling of the edge and touching the stone floor beneath. With a look that plainly states she’s not expecting anything and holds no high hopes whatsoever she sighs softly and uncaringly reaches her hand forward, palm to the top. She’s only agreeing to this to do Rhea a favor, not because she believes it will make her feel any better.

It makes Rhea feel riddled with guilt.

Still, it’s an invitation for Rhea to hand her the book, which she does, approaching Edelgard in rigid movements and calculated steps.

“It’s the left page,” she points out once she places the tome on Edelgard’s hand. The girl’s other hand comes up and she places it on top of the tome to steady it before bringing it back to her lap so she can read it.

Rhea feels a great pain when their hands had been so close yet she wasn’t able to touch Edelgard, something she so desperately wishes.

But things need to be said before that to be possible, she reminds herself. And even then it’s up to Edelgard if she’d still want such a thing.

When Edelgard’s eyes focus upon the words and Rhea catches the distinct tell of her reading, eyes quickly darting left to right, she promptly feels her nerves spike so high she’s in between fainting and smothering an urge to rush to grab the tome from Edelgard and flee.

Goddess, this is terrifying, everything is going to fall apart, everything is going to be revealed.

And she’s _willingly_ doing it.

She tries to calm herself with that thought as Edelgard reads in silence, brows furrowed in concentration. She reminds herself that _right now_ it’s an utterly mortifying experience, yet Rhea truly wants Edelgard to know the truth, _her_ truth. For the both of them.

It doesn’t take Edelgard long to finish reading, looking up to stare at Rhea in confusion. “This… this is the Scripture I read for you when you brought me here… isn’t it?” She says uncertainly. Her eyes flicker over the words again and her finger delicately traces the poem. “But not quite…” Her brows furrow as she looks bemused and not pleased with how things don’t add up in her mind. “Some of the words are different, similar… but different… some are synonyms.” She looks up to Rhea. “Is this an altered version?” She asks, frustrated at being confounded by the riddle presented to her.

It takes a few seconds before Rhea can get herself to react, her body paralyzed with fright.

Stiffly she shakes her head. “No, they’re not altered.”

Edelgard’s expression clearly says she isn’t comprehending what Rhea wants her to see, or even why Rhea showed her this tome in the first place.

Rhea swallows hard and steels her nerves as she forces her anxiety to bend to her will and stop taking away her ability to speak.

“They’re the original.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen in surprise and then quickly narrow in disbelief. “What? No, that’s not possible… those Scriptures are over a thousand years old, every surviving tome from that age is stored securely in museums where they have to use potent magic use magic to stop the process of aging, decaying.”

Rhea nods. “This one too is under such a spell.”

Edelgard looks deeply conflicted now. “I’m sorry, I find all of this hard to believe. You just happened to come upon a tome full of slightly different versions of the Holy Scriptures and decided it was the original? Who is to say it isn’t a poorly done counterfeit, or an alternative interpretation, or maybe even a slightly botched translation from another language. What makes you even say it’s old enough to _be_ the original, aside that you’ve stopped it from aging?”

Edelgard’s counterarguments are many and plausible, yet it takes Rhea only one sentence to wipe them all of the table.

“I know they’re the original because I didn’t happen upon them, Edelgard. I…I am the one who _wrote_ them.”

Her voice sounded slightly higher but overall it was surprisingly easy to say it, a relief even.

Edelgard on the other hand, suddenly feels very out of her depth and looks at Rhea with such confusion in her eyes she can see how hard her brain is working to put pieces together yet all conclusions she reaches are seemingly too improbable for Edelgard to accept.

“You… you wrote them?” she says utterly bewildered, her breath shaky and voice unsteady. “But that would mean you’d be… No… I don’t understand, Rhea, wha-”

“Seiros.”

Edelgard’s mouth promptly closes shut.

The silence is deafening.

Rhea thinks she might just have fainted if not for the ringing in her ears painfully forcing her to remain conscious. But now the word is out and she has explaining to do.

“Seiros,” she says again, her voice trembling but she hardly cares, this is deeply exposing for her so having that be apparent in her voice might even help to convey her genuine feelings. “That is my true name, the one I was gifted when I became human. And Seiros, me, is the one who first wrote the contents of the tome you are holding in your hands right now.”

A strained noise escapes Edelgard’s throat and she looks at Rhea as if she’s desperately trying to comprehend such a truth, or find a way to prove it’s not the truth.

“ _Saint_ Seiros?” She eventually questions her breathlessly, sounding weak yet urgent.

“The very one,” Rhea hums, exhaling slowly and feeling some tension seep away from her. A sheepish smile creeps on her lips she and becomes aware how utterly small she feels. It makes no sense, she’s finally revealed how powerful and old and riddled with ancient wisdom she truly is but she never felt more small, clueless and out of her depth in her life.

Edelgard stares at her for a long time, her eyes meticulously taking apart every fiber of Rhea’s very being as she attempts to let Rhea’s claim settle.

“Saint Seiros… the one who defeated Nemesis over a thousand years ago and helped founding the Adrestian Empire… the daughter of the Goddess Sothis,” she rattles on, speaking hurriedly and sounding out of breath. She meets Rhea’s eyes, stares into them, calculating, curious, slightly skeptical. “All of that is you?” She asks, almost demanding confirmation. There is disbelief in her voice, but not because she doesn’t want to believe Rhea, more as if she simply couldn’t imagine such a thing to be true.

Rhea supposes that from Edelgard’s perspective it might be a bit much to take in. Saints have been beings of the myths of old for a long time now, and through the ages people have forgotten that they looked and acted very human most of the time, instead they put them on a pedestal and venerated them as wise beings who didn’t struggle with petty human quarrels.

“Yes,” Rhea mumbles, feeling her cheeks redden by having her normally thoroughly concealed past suddenly laid out in the open. It’s so utterly exposing. “Some of the details have been lost or altered over time though.” _By me, on purpose,_ she adds in her mind.

“Oh.” Is all Edelgard responds with, still looking dumbfounded and unable to do anything useful with the knowledge.

“That tome is my evidence, its contents are the final drafts of the Scriptures and doctrines I wrote when I established the Church. I had to…revise and alter them a few times afterwards. I must confess I was saddled with several… _strong_ feelings during the time I wrote them and those ended up bleeding into the paper more than I had anticipated. It uh, it made some things seem a bit more… intense,” she mutters awkwardly, stuttering and her cheeks red.

She had been very angry, filled with wrath and loss and had been missing her Mother with an agonizing emptiness. That makes for effective yet clumsily emotional teenage poetry, but is much less effective when you want to establish a virtuous Church where goodness and forgiveness shines perpetually.

“You can keep it with you and read through its contents at your own leisure later,” she murmurs. “But please be… gentle. I wasn’t in the most stable states of mind, I wrote it not long after the war with Nemesis and I was still wracked with grief over my Mother’s murder.”

“I will,” Edelgard assures her, still looking confounded. “You’re Mother’s murder… you really are a daughter of the Goddess, aren’t you?” she asks Rhea gently, yet the way she says it makes it clear that no matter how unlikely such a truth is, Edelgard already believes in it.

Rhea swallows hard, her throat dry. _Edelgard acknowledged her as her Mother’s daughter._ The thought makes her feel elated, yet her emotions threaten to spill out of her. All she can do to refrain from losing all resemblance of composure is nod in confirmation.

Edelgard eyes focus on Rhea’s face, as if she’s analyzing her, trying to have this new information settle in a way that makes sense to her.

“…Seiros,” she says tentatively, sounding somewhat puzzled and strained. Rhea realizes she’s trying to equate the knowledge she has of the mythical Saint Seiros, a figure she might have not even believed was real, with the very real woman standing before her.

Then her eyes light up, with life and fierce conviction.

“ _Seiros.”_

Rhea feels an intense and pleasant spark course through her spine, making her shudder, because the way Edelgard said her name this time she wasn’t referring to the Saint shrouded in myth, it was about _her,_ in a voice that conveys just how deep Edelgard’s feelings for her run _._ And Heaven’s it’s been so long since someone she cared for, or anyone at all, had said that name and meant _her._

“C-can you say that again, please?” she stammers, her voice unsteady with ecstasy and a turmoil of emotions. “My name, I mean. My true name, like you’re calling out to _me_. …Please.”

She’s not one to beg but Goddess does she need this.

Edelgard’s cheeks redden and a small smile ghosts on her lips, wordlessly telling Rhea that she too finds this deeply emotional, intimate even.

“Seiros,” she says again, this time steadier and slightly louder, as if she’s calling out to her, as if she _needs_ her.

Rhea feels that pleasant shudder in her spine again and with an equal flustered face and shy smile she meets Edelgard’s eyes.

For a moment they look at one another in comfortable silence, both taking the moment to let the truth settle in. Then a melodious chuckle escapes Edelgard’s lips, drawing in Rhea’s curiosity.

“You’re so _old,_ Seiros,” she laughs softly. “You’re ancient, really.” A fond smile tugs at Edelgard’s lips and when she catches the amused expression on Rhea’s face she promptly bursts into quiet giggling.

Rhea can’t help herself and join a moment later, out of her nerves catching up with her, out relief of finally having been able to reveal her true self (a part at least) and just the absurd happiness she feels about all of this in all of its complexity.

Edelgard raises her hand in front of her mouth to regain some control over her melodious giggling, as it quiets down Rhea already feels she sorely misses the sound.

“So, uhm,” Edelgard starts, her cheeks turning red. “Should I call you Seiros from now on?” The question clearly feels outlandish on her lips. “I mean, what would you prefer?” she adds delicately.

“Well, I’ve been going with ‘Rhea’ for a long time now and I would understand if sticking with that name would be more comfortable for you,” Rhea tells her, not wanting Edelgard to suddenly feel obligated to refer to her as something she still somewhere considers a Saint.

“I want to call you what you want to be called,” Edelgard insists with gentleness, her cheeks reddening more. “What you want to be called by _me,_ that is,” she murmurs.

“It feels good to hear you call me by my true name, “Rhea admits. “Very good,” she feels herself shudder lightly once more. “Not because I want you to see me as a Saint but instead I want you to see me as my true self, the one I have not been in so long, the one no one even knows I am anymore. To hear you call me by my true name which I have hidden for so long is… exhilarating,” she says, her heart throbbing loudly in her chest and feeling slightly light headed. “It feels so good that you know. …Only you.” She’s blushing, she realizes, likely has been blushing for a while now.

Edelgard looks at her with a shine in her eyes and a small, content smile on her lips. “Very well, my Seiros it is then,” she says freely.

Rhea inhales sharply and doesn’t miss Edelgard’s triumphant smirk when the girl notices.

“That easy, hmm?”

Rhea feels herself redden even more. “Yes,” she admits in defeat, revels at the feeling of being defeated for once. “You do things to me, you know that.”

“I do,” Edelgard confirms with dignified pride. “It’s still nice to hear you say it, though,” she teases.

“I’m sure it strokes your ego magnificently to know you can rile up and make a Saint blush so easily.”

Edelgard laughs, and it’s almost devilish. “I did it, I finally made one of those blasted divine beings fall from grace, and all I had to do was be my wicked, rude and chaotic self, which she simply couldn’t resist and now she’s too weak to resist me any longer,” she drawls teasingly.

Rhea doesn’t think she can live through this kind of embarrassment and promptly buries her face in her hands, muffling a frustrated groan into them which invokes even more merciless laughter from Edelgard.

“You know, for once you don’t look the part,” she points out. Rhea raises her head from her hands in confusion, needing a moment to understand what she means.

Oh, her clothes.

Of course, the one time she looked not at all like something related to the Church was the time she revealed herself to be the being the very Church was named after.

“I… uhm…” she stammers. “I needed a change of… me.” Edelgard raises her eyebrows in a quizzical expression. “I wanted to be _me._ You accused me of using my ritualistic attire as a mask and you were more than right. …I really needed to tear of that mask, to shatter it. To look in the mirror and see that I still had feelings, flaws, worries. Just that I could still be me.” She considers her explanation to be a jumbled mess yet Edelgard seems to have no trouble with it.

“You’re perfect,” she says easily. “You’re so perfectly flawed and complicated and I love it. You look beautiful.” She’s blushing yet she didn’t stammer or hesitate for a moment. “The way you look now makes me feel so comfortable, like I’m so safe with you close to me.”

Rhea can’t seem to wipe the stupidly wide smile from her face but realizes she doesn’t even really want to do that. “Thank you,” she murmurs wholeheartedly. “That means a lot to me.”

A part of her is cheering loudly in her mind that in the end Edelgard did mention and compliment her change of attire. Another part of her finds this very silly of herself.

Finally, Edelgard meets her eyes ones more, still with a blush and a small but open smile on her lips. Her eyes, however, suddenly seem to turn much more determined yet also… tentative somehow.

“I… I do have questions.”

“That seems reasonable.” Rhea tells her gently.

“I have _many,_ questions.” Edelgard emphasizes. “But will there be a point in me asking them?” She asks carefully and now Rhea understands her tentativeness, there are so many things still left unanswered and while Edelgard’s relentless curiosity is likely urging her on to ask she’s also being careful, an attempt to be polite as it seems to have dawned on Edelgard that this is a very personal and delicate subject for Rhea, perhaps even dangerous.

“I expected nothing less from you, and yes you may ask everything that’s on your mind and I will come forth with the truth as much as I can.”

That wasn’t an answer Edelgard expected, her brows furrow in confusion and she looks conflicted. “But… why? Why tell me this? Even if it’s unlikely I could do any harm with the information… well it’s still a risk.”

“Because I want you to know,” Rhea responds resolutely and without hesitation. “You told me you wanted me to see all of you… and I want you to see all of me as well.”

She hesitates for a moment, looking for the right words and finding the strength and courage she needs. “I have hurt you,” she start, forcing herself to continue to look at Edelgard, despite wishing she could glance away in shame. “Hurt you in ways you didn’t deserve, because I… because I wasn’t strong enough.”

She impulsively wants to take a step towards Edelgard, to be closer, to touch her but she stops herself just in time, awkwardly placing her right foot slightly forward before stilling again.

“I uhm, I am not here to ask you for forgiveness for the ways I’ve hurt you, nor to apologize in the usual way.” At that Edelgard’s eyes light up, curious where Rhea is going with this. “Instead I want you to know of me, the true me and my past. The thought is utterly terrifying and dreadfully exposing, but I want to. Both because I’ve been yearning for you to know my true self but also because I believe it would take a lot of the pain I’ve caused you away.” She finishes and folds her arms protectively overly her chest.

She feels so small.

Seiros the War Saint, afraid of getting her feelings hurt.

Edelgard’s expression, somewhere in between a careful smile of gratitude and a struggle to hold back tears make it all worth it. “I thought you didn’t… didn’t care,” she murmurs quietly, her voice thick with emotion.

“I do care, Edelgard. Trust me I do. More than I could ever put into words.” She pauses, feeling slightly embarrassed and also increasingly impatient to address a certain very important matter Edelgard hasn’t realized yet.

“I’m not well versed in expressing my genuine emotions, it makes me feel so bare and vulnerable, as if one wrong word from you could crush me.”

A short laugh escapes Edelgard mouth. “Oh, yes I’ve gotten familiar with that feeling too,” she jokes airily yet there is a depth in it that betrays her concealed emotions.

“It’s dreadfully complicated isn’t it,” Rhea almost huffs, frustrated by all these feelings.

“Yet it confounds me how glaringly simple it sometimes can be as well,” Edelgard hums.

“Yes, that’s… why I started with saying this was about your Crest,” Rhea forces herself to say and feels her face flush as her heart begins to race. It’s so intimate to tell this to the one person left in the world who still has her Crest, who still has a part of her inside her passing through more than a thousand years.

“My Crest?” Edelgard says with mild confusion lacing her voice.

Rhea can see exactly the trail Edelgard’s mind follows. First to the Crest of Flames, because everyone who knows about that Crest was always only interested in that one. “Why would my Crest…” Then her eyes go wide, a loud gasp escapes her lips, and Rhea knows the younger woman’s thoughts went to her _other_ Crest. _Her_ Crest.

“The Crest of Seir- _I_ have the Crest of Seiros!” Edelgard exclaims shakily, then looks at Rhea with such deep emotion the urge to cry rises in Rhea. “I have _your_ Crest,” she all but exclaims, sounding steadier this time.

Rhea nods, her throat tight and dry because of several emotions she cannot possibly ever put a name to.

“You do,” she manages to get out, sounding hoarse.

“How is that even possible? What does it mean?” Edelgard asks her in a high voice, sounding small and very confused.

Rhea feels like cursing herself once more for personally having erased so much knowledge about the nature and inner workings of Crests, to the point where her last remaining descendant doesn’t know what having her Crest even means.

“It means,” she starts calmly yet then a surge of emotion, both from centuries of keeping herself concealed and of the turbulent love she feels for Edelgard, wells up in her and promptly takes control of her words. “It means you’re mine. _My_ blood runs through your veins, Edelgard. You belong to me. _Me,”_ she all but growls, her mind clouded with _want_ and a deep urge to belong.

“You’re mine,” she repeats, her voice shaky and filled with emotion.

She looks at Edelgard and the way the girl appears to her shifts ever so slightly, as if she can finally see the whole picture, what Edelgard truly is to her.

“My blood.”

Because that’s what Edelgard is. _Her_ blood.

Hers to protect like so many others before her, and coincidentally for the first time, hers to love with all her heart.

When her feelings of love cross her mind some clarity returns to her and with a start she realizes how… _possessive_ she just sounded. As if Edelgard’s body belongs to her just because they share a blood connection. That was not what she meant. It was supposed to be more… transcendent, something like being a part of one another, a connection between them that even time cannot take from them, at least something that sounds more free.

Almost fearfully she meets Edelgard’s eyes with her own and promptly forgets to breathe.

They’re shining, with purpose, with _belonging_. Her cheeks are slightly reddened and a small, careful smile blooms on her lips. Perhaps Rhea didn’t sound completely insane, then.

“Yours?” she asks softly, almost as if she’s afraid Rhea will acutely tell her otherwise.

“Always, yes,” Rhea breathes. “If you want to that is. I just wanted you to know that… that if you would want to you could have me… all of me. Always.” She needs more words, but language is a horrible, inadequate thing. “Not because of your Crest… but because of you, _all_ of you,” she adds, her voice too emotional to sound anything remotely steady and composed.

Edelgard’s small smile becomes wider and her cheeks even redder. She turns her arms upwards and closely inspects her wrists, as if she too begins to understand that a part of Rhea, her blood, is running though her veins.

“I’ve never belonged to anyone,” she murmurs softly, her eyes still transfixed on her wrists. “Only ever to Adrestia.”

She looks up to glance at Rhea again. “You mean it? You would truly want me? To see me as a part of you?”

“Yes,” Rhea tells her without hesitation. “Because I want to belong to you too.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen and she stares at Rhea, her mouth slightly open, making Rhea suddenly feel very exposed and vulnerable, standing in the open like this.

“May I... uhm, approach you?” she asks, almost pleads as she still feels the unspoken rift between them.

“Hmm,” Edelgard hums in confirmation and nods, still fascinated by the new revelation of their connection and seemingly much less affected by Rhea’s imagined awkward tension.

Rhea makes her way over to the bed and sits down next to her with what she considers a polite distance between them. To her surprise and relief Edelgard immediately closes the gap however, and crawls over to press her body flush against Rhea’s and lean her head on her shoulder. Honestly, Edelgard wanting to be close to her shouldn’t have surprised her, from the moment the girl had stepped foot in this cell she had made both an art form and a game out of getting close to Rhea.

She gently places her arm on Rhea’s lap, wrist facing upwards.

Rhea’s hand hoovers momentarily in the air before she takes the invitation for what it is and gently curls her fingers around Edelgard’s wrist, still covered by the fabric of her dress, and begins to draw soft circles on it with her thumb.

A soft sigh escapes the younger woman’s lips and she seems to relax against Rhea ever so slightly. “I was so deeply terrified I’d never see you again,” she confesses, her voice soft yet Rhea detects a tremble of fear.

“Me too,” she responds in earnestly. “My feelings… they are conflicting and nearly everything I feel is causing me pain and fright… And the prospect of pain is something I do not respond to well, I am afraid. …I tend to avoid it, honestly.”

Edelgard responds with a wry smile that all but says ‘ _have you at all considered my feelings on this matter?’_

An apologetic look crosses over Rhea’s features and she feels so damnable small again. “…I feel like a coward.” She straightens herself slightly and shakes her head. “No, I almost _was_ a coward. But I can’t, not anymore. …Not when it’s you will be hurt by my cowardice.”

A quiet emotional murmur is all Edelgard manages to respond with as she leans her head a little more against Rhea’s and intently stares at Rhea’s thumb on her wrist.

“I’m still in love with you,” she says quietly, not meeting Rhea’s eyes. “Do you… do you truly hate me for that?” Rhea feels her go tense against her. “I mean, I would understand if you still did,” Edelgard adds hurriedly, suddenly nervous.

“No, I don’t. I never have,” Rhea tells her resolutely, perhaps even a tad forceful. “I’ve hated you for many things, but not for that,” she continues, sounding much softer. “Never for that.”

While Edelgard is visibly relieved at hearing Rhea say that, exhaling and relaxing her body once more, Rhea instead feels herself crumble under the weight of her painful and contradicting emotions and promptly tears well up in her eyes.

“I’m so _weak,”_ she mutters in angry frustration, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes with her free hand because she has no right to cry about this. “I can’t say it back because I got into my head that not doing so is the last remaining stronghold between gritting my teeth and going through with this for the future of Fodlan and… and personally ensuring I erase the future of Fodlan altogether.” She’s now truly crying and this only serves to make her feel less deserving of feeling sad about any of this.

“That doesn’t mean you’re weak, instead it means you’re strong,” Edelgard tells her and it almost sounds like she’s gently chiding Rhea for making such a basic mistake.

Through her tears Rhea turns to meet lilac eyes with her own. They’re shining, Rhea notices, yet there is also pain behind them, but apparently that pain isn’t enough to overpower the positive feelings Edelgard is feeling.

“Saving Fodlan and keeping it stable is your duty,” Edelgard says, speaking as Emperor to another high figure of authority. “During my reign as Emperor of Adrestia I truly tried to turn myself into an emotionless, stone cold ruler, I had to be effective and resolute, my conflicting feelings, old pains and fears only served to weaken my resolve to be the Emperor I needed to be.” She looks at Rhea with a small smile and Rhea catches a hint of pride in them. _Pride,_ she thinks to herself? Is she feeling pride for her own way of functioning as an Emperor or is she feeling pride at Rhea…? She can’t imagine why and the thought instantly drives her mad.

Luckily Edelgard continues on her own. “I quickly learned that killing of my emotions was not the answer. They kept rearing their heads at unfortunate moments, even if I had managed to make myself go completely numb, it would have meant I would have been useless on the battlefield.” She explains, as casually and easy as if she’s explaining the range and effectiveness of a spell.

“So no matter what, I was left with weaknesses,” she says and hesitates momentarily. Rhea catches a flicker of hurt in her eyes which Edelgard failed to mask. “No matter how many layers of armor I wore, the ever present weak points in them would be my undoing, if I forgot about them.” She pauses to look Rhea deep in the eye, her lilac eyes alive, as if they’re already feeling and telling what Rhea is about to hear Edelgard say. “So just like you, I had weaknesses and ways to cope with those.” A soft smile ghosts over her lip and for but a second or two she seems to be thinking deeply about some pleasant subject. “Sweets,” she says after she regains focus. “From when I was about three years old I absolutely loved sweets, candy, cakes, anything.” She chuckles lightly. “I saw them as a form of freedom and a chance for simple, meaningless enjoyment. During the war I knew very well I couldn’t indulge in my sweet tooth, especially whenever we spend several weeks at a time away from Enbarr.”

Her eyes turn more serious, focused and her smile faded. “In all those nine years of war I never once ate even a single sweet food,” she says so serious it almost sounds solemn.

“Surely it couldn’t have been that bad for you?” Rhea questions.

When she hears that a wry grin appears on Edelgard’s lips. “It was never about that, it was simply the thing I wanted the most. So if I was able to deny myself that, if I had enough self-restrain to keep going and not dwell on things I didn’t need, then I could also do that with everything else I wanted.”

She stills and suddenly a sad smile takes over the grin from moments before. Even her eyes flicker with sadness. “That was one of the things I did to keep myself strong enough to ensure I would be able to do what had to be done.” A pause, Rhea watches Edelgard’s eyes grow hazy and heavy with unshed tears, she inhales deeply and exhales slowly a moment later, her eyes much more focused already. “The other thing I did was never truly express how I felt about the people who served and worked under me. I knew I cared for them very deeply, but I had to deny that to myself, and also to them. I knew full well that some of them, if not nearly all of them, would end up death because of the war I started, and this became an increasingly heavier burden when the war got dragged out so much and the favor was tipping to your side.”

Rhea feels a sudden increase of tension in Edelgard’s wrist she was still holding and when she looks down she can see the younger woman has clenched her fist so harshly her knuckles are going white. Carefully she moves her hand over to the first and gently pries it open, Edelgard letting her do so after a split second of confusion. Rhea laces their fingers together and folds her own fingers over the top of Edelgard’s hand, with Edelgard doing the same shortly after.

“Just grip my hand tightly if it becomes too much,” Rhea tells her and squeezes her hand lightly.

To Rhea’s surprise Edelgard does so immediately and searches for Rhea’s eyes with an almost pleading, desperate look in them. “No, don’t you see? That’s what I did. I kept denying myself feeling care, worry, I couldn’t even stop and mourn for each time I had done so it would have left another crack in my armor.” She glances into Rhea’s eyes with a meaningful expression. “I did what I had to and my armor didn’t crack.”

It takes a moment but then it clicks in Rhea’s mind. _Don’t tell me that you love me if that is what will crack- likely break- your armor you need to protect Fodlan._

“It still makes me a coward,” she insists.

“No, it means you have to be pragmatic, and being pragmatic means knowing your limits.” Rhea feels Edelgard tighten her grip on her own hand even more, to the point it’s slightly painful, still she squeezes back. Edelgard promptly turns her head, staring blankly at a wall instead. “Being pragmatic means taking your personal feelings out of the equation and prioritize what’s objectively more important,” she says and her voice is suddenly so devoid of emotion it sends cold shivers down Rhea’s spine.

“I know, but-” she tries but Edelgard doesn’t give her the chance.

“You have to prioritize,” she says, now more demanding yet her voice still sounds empty. “And that means that nothing is more important than your continued role in Fodlan’s future, nothing… especially not the feelings of a rightfully convicted war criminal with three days left to live.”

It’s heart wrenchingly painful to hear Edelgard describe herself in such a way. Even though the facts are true it just feel so wrong, so utterly _lacking_ in all the things that matter.

“You’re more than that,” Rhea insists urgently, her words coming out in shaky breaths. “So much more.”

“To _you,_ ” Edelgard points out bluntly, raising her eyebrows with a knowing expression. “But to the rest of the world? Not so much. To them only my death means anything.”

“Also to yourself,” Rhea tells her all but sternly, unable to cope with hearing Edelgard talk about herself in such a distant and objective way.

“…Perhaps,” Edelgard mutters awkwardly, seemingly unhappy with the idea. “But I’m not looking through this from my own eyes, more in the form of an eagle from above. You know, see the different players make their move, see the things that will happen if certain things are said or done, like an ever moving puzzle being put into pieces, creating the landscape of the future.”

“Don’t do that,” Rhea hisses out of desperation and anxiety. “Don’t see yourself as something so lifeless and unimportant as a mere piece of a puzzle!” she exclaims, infuriated because of the sheer powerlessness she feels. “Don’t look at yourself from above, objective and emotionless. Just please, _please,_ ” she begs, “don’t lose sight of how much you are worth, how deep you feel things, how brilliant you ar-”

“SEIROS, _STOP,_ ” Edelgard yells, her voice is trembling and it sounds both like a command and a desperate plea. “I can’t… I just _can’t_. It would hurt too much,” Edelgard stammers, her chest heaving and her pupils dilated. “I can bear being hurt if I remind myself it’s for Fodlan, my whole life has been for Fodlan. So _please_ don’t take that away from me, you would shatter my armor completely.”

Oh.

Finally the depth of Edelgard’s copings mechanisms get through Rhea’s thick skull.

_She’s still there._

Still stuck in that war, only now she’s alone and left with denying herself to ever act on the care she felt for her companions –friends- without ever having mourned them and now faced with her own death.

Her war is almost coming to an end and she plans to see it through with ruthless pragmatism, so she can face her last moments with dignity.

And because of that she has to see herself, her death, as part of something bigger, something that will be for the greater good in the long run. It’s what gives her death meaning and that’s what gives her peace, why she can talk about her imminent execution so casually. To her it’s just the way one piece of the puzzle happened to fit in another, the way the wheels of fate have spun. She sacrificed her whole life for a cause that ultimately crumbled around her, along with everyone she ever cared for. Her death is the only useful thing she has left that she can give Fodlan.

Rhea is jolted out of her erratic thoughts, which had occupied her whole mind, when she hears a quiet sob. She doesn’t need to look at Edelgard to she’s the source of the sound.

“I’m sorry,” she says hurriedly, trying to sound gentle. Edelgard has both her hands pressed into her face and Rhea hears her shallow breathing but otherwise she remains quiet. “I’m sorry for never understanding you at all tell you things because I want to help you yet they only serve to hurt you more.” She shifts her body slightly and carefully wraps her arms around Edelgard’s waist, hoping her slow movement won’t startle her. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs again as she presses the younger woman close, relieved when Edelgard leans in and buries her head into the front of her shoulder.

Rhea considers simply holding her for the time being, hoping it will comfort Edelgard, she already apologized three times and she can’t think of saying anything to make her feel better, knowing her it might have the opposite.

She expected Edelgard to cry.

And that’s what she thought when she first heard a high pitched noise.

But then she hears it again, and again until she quite clearly concludes that Edelgard isn’t crying at all.

She’s _giggling._

“Edelgard?” she asks softly, her confusion blatant in her tone.

The giggling only continues, increases even.

Unsure of what’s happening Rhea gently moves her upper body away from Edelgard’s own, so she can look at her face.

There are a few tears in her eyes, even wet streaks on her cheeks that haven’t dried yet, but there is also a mirthful glint in her eyes, along with a small, pleased smile on her face. “You’re so silly,” she tells Rhea bluntly but teasingly. “ _Never understanding me’,_ really? How could you ever conclude such a thing?”

“Well, I think I do and it turns out I don’t and I end up hurting you,” Rhea explains awkwardly, her face flustering and feeling very much out of her depth.

Edelgard makes a dismissive gesture with her hand and scoffs indignantly. “Eh,” she says, shrugging. “You’re not even any good at that, honestly.”

Rhea isn’t sure if she should thank her or feel offended at hearing that comment.

Edelgard laughs in amusement at Rhea’s clueless and bewildered expression. In one smooth motion she worms her way out of Rhea’s embrace and gets up on her feet, twirling –almost dancing- around her own axis, her dress haphazardly floating around her while she gracefully tiptoes over the chains rattling around her as well.

She’s panting, more so in exhilaration than exhaustion when she comes to a standstill, directly in front of Rhea, a happy grin on her lips and a twinkle in her eyes.

“What I meant, my dear Seiros,” she says and Rhea feels her insides squirm at hearing her true name being said with such deep emotion. “Is that you are the only person who has ever truly understood me, and even helped me understand myself better.”

She puts a finger to her still smiling lips in contemplation and then lightly shakes her head. “Well, aside from Hubert that is. But that would be an unfair comparison really. In many ways Hubert was both me _and_ my opposite.” Her expression turns fond and her eyes soften. “Truly my shadow. Always with me, never paid mind to by anyone.”

She focuses her eyes on Rhea’s own again and Rhea struggles to remain eye contact because the warmth she finds in Edelgard’s eyes is scorching somehow. “ _You_ however, are much more like a parallel to me, I think. We have so many similarities, our pasts, our traumas, our positions and in several ways our personalities. Sure, it causes us to clash often, but ultimately that’s what brought us so close together, what helped us understand one another.” Yet another grin blossoms on her face. “And the times we clash are kind of exciting aren’t they?”

Rhea finds herself blushing yet breaking into quiet but sheepish laughter, feeling both utterly relieved and elated that Edelgard sees the both of them in such a way.

“Yes, my lovely parallel, always getting under my skin with her pretty yet sharp words. It is exciting,” she admits, and while she feels her blush deepen she finds she doesn’t mind it at all.

“Hmm, I’m very glad you agree.” Edelgard hums happily as she casually shifts her weight from one leg to another, occasionally raising the leg not carrying her weight to stretch and flex her knee. “I mean, there was never a dull day with Hubert, even working through stacks of the most mind-numbing paperwork was more exciting with him hovering about. He’d completely and utterly destroy either what was written or who had written it…or both, without saying anything even remotely negative directly or obvious.”

“That seems unexpectedly unprofessional from him,” Rhea muses, though it’s not at all an accusation and the fond and somewhat pleased way she says it makes that clear enough.

“Hubert’s priorities lied first most with _me,_ ” Edelgard explains, clearly proud of that fact. “And while we had vowed not to act on our feelings of friendship for the greater good, there was nothing wrong with my loyal and observant vassal assisting in making his Emperor’s heavy burdens a bit more lighter,” she tells Rhea with barely concealed mischief.

“Ah, a loophole friendship, then,” Rhea concludes, nodding in mock seriousness. “Very stealthy, just like I’d expect from the likes of you.”

Edelgard somehow becomes even more visibly pleased by Rhea’s definition of their friendship and her smile blooms into one of pure delight.

“Mhm,” she happily agrees. “To others his reading of my endless stacks of papers would simply sound like an objective analysis of the paper or the intent of the writer, yet to me it was salvation because reading through some of the dull things some nobles insisted I spend my time and energy on was infuriating, torture really. But he’d make me enjoy doing it with gleeful contempt.”

She pauses, smiling as she glances at the ceiling, granting herself a short moment to dwell on what might have felt like ordinary and normal things in those moments, but are now certainly precious memories to her.

She snaps out of it shortly after, her eyes and mind now focused on Rhea again. “So while Hubert might have been my shadow who lit up the darkness in my life,” Edelgard says airily, but Rhea can clearly tell the girl is very proud of her way of wording that. Edelgard stands up straighter and points at Rhea’s face accusingly. “ _You_ on the other hand absolutely scorch all of me into ash and then make me walk out of the fire feeling reborn each time.”

Rhea’s amusement at how Edelgard tried to make her words prettier in the first half of her explanation is all but forgotten when she completely falls for Edelgard’s wording in the second half of her sentence.

Poetic, truly.

Or maybe Rhea has bad taste in poetry. She wouldn’t know. She considers she has both excellent and abhorrent taste in women, ascribing both words to Edelgard alone, so perhaps it’s the same with poetry, or only Edelgard’s poetry. Yes, that makes sense, everything just is Edelgard.

“I feel the same about you Edelgard,” she murmurs, the affection clearly lacing her voice only serving to make her blush more. “You’ve made me so happy, and taught me so much about myself. I’ll be forever grateful. You will always have a place in my heart… no not just my heart, my mind, my soul, my blood, you will always have a place in all of me, because you changed me down to my very core.”

She feels tears well up in her eyes again, and this time she feels like she doesn’t have to stop herself because even if it’s not explicitly said, the implications of Edelgard’s imminent death are hard to miss and it’s for the first time Rhea has addressed them with the pure emotions she feels at the prospect. Loss, anxiety, panic, powerless, pain, desperation.

She feels the first tears silently roll down her cheek “I wish… I just wish I could have done something for you, been there for you… I don’t know, just _anything_ ,” she stammers and chokes on a sob, before lowering her head downwards and burying it in her hands. She knows it wouldn’t be horrible of her to cry right now but she finds she just really doesn’t want to, she wants to talk more instead.

“You underestimate yourself once again,” she hears, the voice is soft, gentle yet Rhea can hear it so clearly it’s apparent Edelgard has closed the distance between them. Soft hands cover her own and delicately pry them from her face before grasping the both of them and pulling both their hands slightly closer to Edelgard.

When Rhea looks up, her urge to cry already lessening by the gesture of comfort, she meets a kneeling Edelgard in front of her, smiling encouragingly and acceptingly at her. “I am not known for being someone who underestimates themselves, my dear,” Rhea says almost bashfully. “More the opposite, if I were to be honest.” How did it come to be that this amazing woman in front of her thinks so highly of her? Rhea wonders if she deserves it.

She doesn’t wonder about the answer.

Edelgard doesn’t buy it, looking at her as if she has made up her mind long before this and Rhea won’t be able to change it. “You say that, but you really do underestimate yourself,” she tells her again, and this time her gentleness is more firm and persistent. “You see, when I was being dragged into this prison those weeks ago my mind was warring with two things. The first was that I had accepted my loss, my surrender and my upcoming death. I was confident I could live through a few weeks of isolation, maybe come to terms with myself or suffer through some lonely agony to soothe my guilt before I was executed. One side of me longed for an end, as I was too broken to look to even look at the future.”

Edelgard exhales deeply, letting go of some of the tension creeping up on her, and looks at Rhea with a glint of vulnerability, of pain.

Rhea grasps Edelgard’s hand, joined with hers, more tightly and rubs the girls hand with her fingers wherever she can.

Edelgard smiles and flashes her an expression of gratitude, nodding before she continues. “The other side of me, the side that had lost so much, some because of me, some of it beyond my control was despairing about dying completely alone and unloved. I never once anticipated how much dread the thought of dying in such a way gave me. But there I was, dragged into a cell, already forgotten by most, hated by the rest, and those who had known me didn’t care. Only my death was of any worth to the world now.” Her voice had grown unsteady as she spoke, quieter when she felt an influx of emotion. Rhea can tell how having felt such a way had wounded her.

Another exhale and then Edelgard squeezes Rhea’s hands as a small tentative smile blooms on her face. “But you, Seiros. When you came to me in those last few weeks you became my everything. My salvation, my peace, my mirror, my teacher, my heart, my love, my Saint, my goddess, the one who freed me.”

Edelgard’s are shining, she looks vulnerable and fragile, but trusting and feeling whole.

Gently brushing her fingers through Rhea’s she continues. “You gave me all I needed to find peace, you became all I needed and that helped me become what I needed to be too. You have given me the greatest, most complicated and intimate treasure of them all and because of you I have learned to accept who I am and what I have done. You gave me more than you could ever imagine.”

Edelgard looks very flustered now, she closes her eyes and with a smile she lowers her head. “All this time I thought I was alone. My family dead, my allies whom I couldn’t be true friends with …it has wounded my mind more than I can understand, I think. It locked parts of me away.”

She shakes her head gentle and still smiling she looks up to meet Rhea’s wide and intense eyes with her own equally emotionally looking one.

 _Her eyes are so deep,_ Rhea thinks to herself. There are just so many layers of her behind them.

“But you showed me otherwise, Rhea. That at the end of my life I still have someone who feels in an incredibly complex yet equally simple way, like family to me.”

Yes, Rhea finds herself thinking. ‘Family’… it does fit. Not in the way the people of Fodlan consider family, strict boundaries and lifelong allies to ensure ones survival, although even in that there is a lot of unconditional love to be found. But the word ‘family’ between her and Edelgard doesn’t denote a relationship such as parent and child or siblings, but much more of a transcendent, timeless connection, where Edelgard is the ripple created from the falling drop of water, Rhea's own actions so many years ago when she gave Wilhelm her blood, and over the course of a thousand years everything fell just perfectly into place in order to bring Edelgard into this world while bearing her Crest. An unconditional connection.

She hears Edelgard chuckle lightly, happily and it wakes her from her inner thoughts. “It’s kind of funny,” Edelgard hums, seemingly pleased by something. “In a way you are sort of like my great-grandmother.”

Rhea feels her face drain of blood and she’s pretty sure her body is paralyzed. Great-grandmo-… “Edelgard, _no….”_ she chokes out crudely, the words coming out mangled.

Goddess, that was _not_ the kind of direction Rhea was thinking, and also _not_ the direction Edelgard should be thinking. Why would she even come up with that? Rhea is halfway into convincing herself that Edelgard said that just to spite her and make her uncomfortable when she sees the genuine look of hurt on Edelgard’s features, it’s muted but only because Edelgard is trying her best to hide her feelings.

“A-alright, yes. Maybe not family,” she murmurs, voice slightly trembling and a reassuring smile on her lips that just makes her look more hurt.

Oh.

Rhea forgot to look at things from Edelgard’s perspective.

Yes, there is a huge gap in how Edelgard sees the world and how she does. The other woman likely can’t comprehend what a genetic connection, passed through more than thirty bloodlines, generations, truly entails, or what it should be named. To someone with the lifespan of Edelgard any ancestor who died more than fifty years before her birth becomes a myth, a figure in historical stories, their actions in life either meticulously recorded, lost to time or twisted into an unrealistic version of the event over the years.

Come to think of it, Edelgard likely doesn’t even know how genetics work, perhaps only in such aspects which are visible, Crests, certain physical features or personality trait, but even then her understanding of the concept is incredibly limited. Not to mention just how a Nabatean enters their own genetic strain into the bloodlines of mankind…

“No, wait,” Rhea says roughly, her intent to sound gentle overpowered by her need to get her point across quickly. “I mean, I’m sorry. Family is perfectly fine, wonderful even,” she insist fervently.

To her relief, some of the tension and hurt seems to fade from Edelgard and now she just looks curious.

“I should likely tell you about just what happened that caused my Crest to enter the bloodlines of the von Hresvelg family.” Now Edelgard looks confused and subtly motions for her to continue. “My blood connection to you isn’t maternal,” Rhea says, feeling the heat already rise to her cheeks. “I meant it when I said I never had any children.”

Edelgard’s brows furrow as she considers Rhea’s words with care. A soft “ _oh_ ” comes from her lips when she realizes the contradiction between the two statements. Rhea can see her mind try to figure it out but when she inevitably hits a wall she looks at Rhea for help. “Then how?” she asks with that innocent inquisitiveness Rhea has grown to love so much.

“Come, sit with me,” Rhea tells the other woman, who was still kneeling on the floor and nudges her head to her side on the edge of the bed. Edelgard complies and lets Rhea help her up and delicately sits down next to her. They sit close, yet instead of their shoulders touching it’s their upper legs, right up until their knees where the rest of their legs dangle off the edge of the bed. This way they can face each other somewhat better, something Rhea wants as she begins her tale.

“You have heard of Wilhelm I, right?” she asks, making sure Edelgard actually knows what this is about.

The girl nods immediately. “Not even by choice,” she says, laughing dryly. “He’s a well-known name across Enbarr but especially the court of the royal castle is under the conviction that the knowledge about him is very important and should be kept alive. I was taught about his actions and how he founded our Empire and our royal family before I could even write.” She grins, then bites her lip lightly to hide it. “He has a rather large golden statue right outside the castle gates. It looks beautiful and imposing, don’t get me wrong, but, uhm… rather generic. His statue hardly has any detailed facial features and the armor he is wearing seems so non-descriptive it’s impossible to tell his rank or even his allegiance.”

“Yes, I believe they made that statue about two hundred years after his passing, by the time Enbarr had grown into a true city and the castle was functioning. Only then did they think of building it to honor him.”

“Ah, so then it’s more likely the details of his appearance were lost to time rather than that he was such a plain, average looking man that no one really bothered enough to carve out the details of his actual appearance,” Edelgard laughs.

“Hmm, he looked quite striking, really. Especially on the battlefield. Full armor, brandishing his weapon,” Rhea hums, recalling what her old ally looked like.

“It’s good to know you spend your time fawning over my ancestor, on the battlefield of all places, really makes you look heroic and devoted to your cause,” Edelgard tells her dryly.

“Now don’t be jealous,” Rhea teases and she can tell she hit a weak spot as Edelgard’s cheek flush and her eyes dart away from Rhea’s on for a short moment. “I just told you it wasn’t like that, dear,” Rhea reassures her, amused and endeared by the flustered expression on Edelgard’s face. “Either way, I don’t think his wife would have appreciated it very much if I had,” she adds mirthfully.

Edelgard seems to deflate somewhat, looking slightly embarrassed.

Rhea decides to be merciful and not comment on it. “He became my ally, a friend even, in politics and later as well in war. At first I aided him with founding what is now the Adrestian Empire for quite some years until it was stable enough to run and grow on its own. Somewhere after that a war broke out, threatening both things that were precious to me and his budding Empire, so we banded together and protect what was important to us.” She tried to say it as neutral as possible but couldn’t quite keep the edge from her tone of voice.

“You are referring to the war between you and Nemesis, aren’t you?” Edelgard asks her gently.

It’s that gentleness that puts Rhea’s heart at ease, as she had been fearful this would suddenly become a sour topic between them, knowing Edelgard had been told several other theories of who Nemesis was and what he had done, making him seem… heroic. The word alone leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

“If you wish I can tell you my version of that war, but for now let’s focus on Wilhelm,” she says, struggling to sound unaffected.

Edelgard seems relieved that that’s not a topic to be discussed right now and nods.

After a short, grateful smile Rhea continues. “He was a skilled warrior, although his strength lied in commanding his armies, delegating them perfectly, always making sure he knew where his men should be in relation to the enemy’s movements.”

She sighs, almost groans at the resurfacing memories of her old ally.

“Naturally the man didn’t like this, he didn’t just want to ‘sit idle, protected by his knights while his men fought and died for him’ as he called it. So often he’d –unprompted, may I add- rush into battle himself to accomplish something heroic. His intentions were just, his execution of said intentions was often… poor, so usually I made sure I fought side by side with him, subtly keeping him from harm.”

Edelgard is listening intently at her storytelling, smiling fondly when she hears of the dynamic between her ancestor and Rhea on the battlefield.

“One day I didn’t notice his antics in time and not before long I heard a panicked tumult reverberate throughout the side of our allies. I followed the sound and only a few moments later I was by his side. And well, it was bad.” She makes a frustrated noise and Edelgard’s smile widens, now with added affection for Rhea’s struggles with Wilhelm. “The idiot, always calling himself heroic, which clashed with his notorious habit of casually put his life at risk every time the opportunity presented itself.” She grits her teeth and swallows her frustration before she continues, still sounding frustrated. “Heroes think ahead, make difficult decisions and, most importantly, _stay alive_ so the people who actually need a hero can rely on the aid of a living one.” She was venting her frustrations quite audibly and passionately, forgetting to breathe while talking so by the time she’s done with her rant she’s panting.

Beside her Edelgard is laughing, giggling to herself now, having wrapped one arm around her waist. “It never really changes, hm,” she says in between melodious laughter. “Tomfoolery of the reckless on the battlefield, the number one on the list of things that aggravate generals or anyone in command.”

“Yes,” Rhea agrees fervently. “Even worse, this man _was_ the one in command. An Emperor, side by side with a Saint and he had the _audacity_ of dashing straight into enemy lines to ‘play solo’,” she says dismayed yet a part of her genuinely is enjoying reliving the anger and frustration she had felt back then, here together with Edelgard. She had truly cared for him and now she can look back on his recklessness with fondness in her heart.

Edelgard too, seems to be thoroughly enjoying both listening to Rhea’s retelling of her past and watching her relive it again as well, as the younger woman is visibly enthralled and amused, her vivid imagination only adding to it as she looks happy and fascinated.

Now that Rhea has got her frustration out of her system she wills her mind back to the story at hand. She lets go of the last remnants of her annoyance, exhaling slowly as she relaxes once more.

“Well, the hero Emperor had gotten slightly too reckless. This happened often, I assure you,” she declares with grave insistence to Edelgard to make sure she’s convinced he indeed often had bouts of stupidity. “It just did not happen often without _me_ being there to haul him back to safety,” Rhea says with a hint of age old pride. Edelgard snickers and seems very amused by either Wilhelm’s actions, Rhea’s devout frustration with said actions or perhaps even Rhea’s pride for being a good ally. Perhaps it’s all of them, but Rhea suspects that her pride is definitely among the things that prompted Edelgard’s noises of amusement.

She finds she doesn’t mind it at all and flashes her a short smile.

Then she sighs, recalling the vivid images which resurface with the memory. “Somehow the foolish idiot had managed to get himself almost completely cleaved in half by some brute with an axe while he had been too distracted by two enemies with spears who had, and I quote ‘ _shouted something offensive about his helmet_ ,” she scoffs, a scowl on her face and _still_ not over the sheer foolishness of the man who had the nerve to call himself heroic.

Edelgard huffs, drawing Rhea’s attention. “Axes can be _very_ delicate weapons, I’ll have you know. It’s a matter of who wields them,” she insists curtly, sounding slightly offended.

“Agreed, for sure. Any weapon is but an extension of the wielder.” Rhea says, nodding. “Yet if I were to describe you on the battlefield it would also come down to ‘brute with an axe’ if I were to be honest,” Rhea teases.

She feels an elbow lightly jab her in the ribs as Edelgard hisses at her but before the girl can come up with an insult Rhea speaks up instead. “But to get back to the topic at hand,” she says sternly and watches Edelgard clamp her mouth shut, gritting her teeth a growl dying in her throat. “I can heal wounds with magic, even some fatal ones, but I’m no miracle and he had already lost so much blood, not to mention his spine was damaged and half his lower organs were all but falling out… it was messy. Even if I could have gotten his body back to a functioning state the loss of blood alone likely would have killed him and he’d be paralyzed from the waist down as well.”

Edelgard has visibly paled, which wasn’t something Rhea expected from someone who spend years cleaving straight though other people with an axe herself.

“Don’t worry,” she comforts her. “I put his body in a temporary state of being frozen in time, of sorts, and had some of his men haul him back to camp on a cot.” Despite the rather gruesome description just now she finds herself smiling. “I couldn’t let him die. Not yet, at least. It was considered… highly inappropriate for a Nabatean to keep prolonging the natural lifespan of a mortal, even though in the end it turned out we weren’t able to do such a thing,” she explains carefully. “But it was considered acceptable if the person in question played an important part in helping Fodlan prosper, especially at a crucial moment. So what I did was definitely appropriate… but truthfully the mere thought of losing someone I had come to see as a friend so abruptly had been enough for me to save him, no matter what the circumstances had been,” she adds softly, her smile now slightly sad. As a Nabatean she had long made peace with the reality that any relationship of mutual care with a human would be brief, too short for a Nabatean to find solace in them but the temporary state of the humans they cared for in their lives still served to fill them with joy, meaning and warmth.

She feels Edelgard’s hand press gently on her knee and the younger woman softly squeezes it. “Good friends sometimes do bad things for each other’s sake,” she says with kindness in her voice but a knowing glint in her eyes. “Well, it depends on what kind of bad,” she adds with subtle mischief, shrugging nonchalantly.

Rhea responds with an appreciative nod. “Thank you.” She flashes her a grateful smile before her thoughts dwell back to her story, struggling with how to describe the next part, as such a thing is completely unknown to the people of current day Fodlan.

“I had to give him my blood to make sure he’d survive.”

There, very literal and objective.

Makes no sense without context.

Nice, Rhea.

Edelgard’s eyes widen as she looks slightly bewildered. “You, uh… you made him drink your blood?” she asks, the idea clearly unorthodox to her.

And so if Rhea doesn’t provide context, she finds Edelgard will simply opt to come up with her own.

“No, no I didn’t make him drink it, his stomach, or what remained of it, would just have digested it as if it were food,” she explains hastily. Edelgard looks at her as if saying that had the opposite effect of feeling reassured on her.

“I poured my blood into his veins with a syringe instead,” Rhea says in an attempt to make things more clear.

“You… _what?_ What is a syringe?”

Oh, yes that’s also a word lost to time.

“A… needle?” Rhea tries hopefully.

“Huh, for knitting?”

Rhea feels annoyance rise in herself at how ineffective this conversation suddenly turned, mostly because of herself, admittedly.

“No, a very thin, hollow needle people from long ago used to transfer fluids from one body to another.” Edelgard turns to look deeply disturbed. “Mostly blood,” Rhea hurriedly adds. “Truly, it was an effective medical treatment at the time, it helped people who lost a lot of blood survive.”

“Ah, well I suppose that made sense then,” Edelgard says, relenting and accepting she’s merely never heard of this ancient and supposedly effective medical treatment. “Did it hurt?”

“No, hardly. Less than accidently pricking yourself with a small needle made for mending.”

Edelgard visibly relaxes and nods, seemingly reassured.

“Either way, my blood is a lot different from human blood, it’s a lot more potent when it comes to magic, for example, and it can also alter the blood of humans it gets mingled with.”

That instantly sparks Edelgard’s curiosity again. “How?” she urges Rhea on.

“Hmm well to clarify, blood is made up of numerous small red… sort of flat orbs that float in a more clear liquid,” Rhea tries to explain, once again struggling to put this into words.

“That’s… very disconcerting to know but not the worst I’ve heard tonight so I’ll just go with it along with the rest,” Edelgard responds dryly, looking slightly out of her depth.

“I appreciate your trust,” Rhea tells her earnestly before continuing. “So, my blood alters those tiny red orbs, or rather it adds something of myself to it. The Crest magic in my own blood covers all those orbs in a person’s blood with a thin, invisible veil of sorts, a shield in a way. It amplifies the strength of someone’s entire body and their health, their magic and imbues them with my Crest, it made Wilhelm live for many years beyond the average human lifespan. The Crest magic of me present in someone’s their blood is passed down onto their children, yet the Crest only manifests if they’re compatible enough.”

“That’s very… efficient,” Edelgard says, as if genuinely in awe with such a practice. A moment later an amused smile blossoms on her lips. “So you’re more of a spiritual grandmother then,” she laughs. When Rhea raises an eyebrow, silently warning her to thread carefully Edelgard simply laughs more. “Like those wise old grandmothers who stuff their grandchildren –and likely all children in their neighborhoods- with candy and secretly hand them pocket money… and in your case also Crests.”

Rhea can’t help but snort in amusement, laughing as she pictures herself in such a position.

Edelgard shrugs. “To be fair, I wouldn’t know for sure. Only one of my grandmothers was still alive when I was young and she considered children things to be controlled and taught strictly, who shouldn’t be allowed free will until they were mature enough to handle it.” The distaste for her not so warm sounding grandmother is evident. “Either way, she died when I was eight, she was a dowager Empress at this point so there was to be a public funeral. They handed out cake to her family afterwards and that was the only time she ever gave me any sweets,” she hums innocently, her eyes slightly mischievous.

Rhea makes a sound of approval. “She sounded like a dear,” she says, smiling and without hiding her sarcasm. Her expression softens as she feels warmth and comfort swell within her for Edelgard. “I’m very grateful and relieved that you respond to my story so easily, I must admit I was scared you wouldn’t take to it so well.”

Edelgard makes a dismissive gesture with her hand before moving her hand to brush some of her stray locks behind her shoulder. “I trust you,” she says with effortless conviction. “And I want to understand you and the things of you that connect to me. Hearing you speak about someone who was only a hero of old to me in such a lively and vivid way was mesmerizing, it’s comforting to know that even the people of the past we venerate so much were just as flawed as we are today,” she says, laughing quietly.

She squeezes Rhea’s leg again.

“But truly, I’m glad that I know all of this now, although I likely don’t fully understand it.” Her eyes grow distant, deep in thought for a moment. “Either way, it brought me great comfort, Seiros. Maybe you’re not my grandmother but instead you’re the one who granted me a little bit of the divine…and also a little bit of you,” she smiles, her cheeks pink.

“That’s true,” Rhea agrees with fondness in her heart. “I’m in your DNA,” she adds proudly.

“...My _what?”_ Edelgard asks her not a moment later, her voice sharp and curious.

“Oh, uhm,” Rhea stammers, once again realizing she said something that makes no sense to Edelgard. “It uh, it stands for deoxyribonucleic acid,” she says out reflex, instantly knowing that did nothing whatsoever to help. Likely made it worse, even.

“Ah, yes,” Edelgard mutters flatly, her voice comically expressionless. “How could I have forgotten _that,_ ” she adds stony, with just a hint of sarcasm born out of sheer desperation to cope with such a word being thrown at her unexpectedly. “…also _acid?!_ There is acid in me?” The sudden concern in Edelgard’s voice makes everything feel even more torn out of context, and Edelgard will certainly keep tearing at the context until Rhea brings her relief.

“Sorry,” she murmurs stiffly, somewhere in-between amused and struggling with how to communicate about these matters. “No not acid, not the dangerous sort you are thinking of. Uhm… DNA is more something like the math that your body is made up of and decides what you look like, what kind of person you are and passes parts of this down your children. Either way,” she shrugs dismissively, “it’s not important to know,” she tries, hoping to dissuade Edelgard from her sudden interest in DNA.

Her hope is in vain.

Because Edelgard wants to _know._

And no amount of Rhea insisting it’s not worth their time will make her change her mind.

“Fine,” she utters exasperatedly, finally caving in. “DNA is a [molecule](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molecule) composed of two [polynucleotide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polynucleotide) chains that coil around each other to form a [double helix](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nucleic_acid_double_helix) carrying [genetic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetics) instructions for the development, functioning, growth and [reproduction](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproduction) of all known [organisms](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organism),” she says neutrally in one smooth sentence, reading from her memory despite not having to say this in many millennia.

Edelgard is uncharacteristically quiet for a long time, and Rhea finds herself worrying she might have gotten herself in deep trouble, accidently broke Edelgard’s mind or has evoked her wrath.

Finally she feels Edelgard stir against her. “Please tell me you made that up on the spot,” she grumbles, sounding unnerved and hopeful.

“No, that’s the scientific explanation behind it, I assure you,” Rhea insists airily, feeling gleeful malice for making Edelgard feel so dumbfounded and out of her depth.

“But Seiros, I understood maybe four of those words!” she hisses exasperatedly. “And it was a long string of words.” She points out direly, intent on somehow justifying her lack of understanding.

“Yes, language changes along with time. So does knowledge and technology,” Rhea hums, feeling slightly wistful.

If Rhea thought she had successfully silenced Edelgard by throwing all these difficult scientific terms at her to ensure she’d give up on her own… she was very wrong.

Instead Edelgard is _very_ persistent that Rhea is going to explain each word individually, over and over again, using things existing in current day Fodlan as comparisons and synonyms, until Edelgard catches the gist of it.

“Fine,” Rhea relents after she bickered herself into a corner. “But please let’s get more comfortable before I subject myself to this trial of endure,” she grumbles.

“A grand idea,” Edelgard agrees, very pleased with getting her way. “Could you lean against the wall? I want to sit against your chest,” she says with no trace of embarrassment but still slightly awkward. “I mean if you consider that comfortable,” she quickly adds.

“Goddess, _yes._ ” Rhea breathes out and already finds herself moving across the bed so she can press her back against the wall. She catches Edelgard’s teasing grin when she turns back to face her. “What?” she drawls, as she doesn’t think Edelgard has the right to judge her. “It’s going to take a long time to get all these fancy words through your thick skull so forgive me for being desperate to feel your body against me, its warmth and softness will be of much comfort during my imminent prolonged suffering,” she says, exaggeratedly dramatic.

Edelgard is laughing as she joins her, sitting down in-between Rhea’s legs and turning around to press her back against Rhea’s chest. The warmth and gentle pressure against her instantly brings Rhea solace, having sorely missed feeling Edelgard against her. When she makes a satisfied sound and sighs contently Edelgard can’t help herself. “I’ll gladly sacrifice my body to receive your noble gift of knowledge,” she declares solemnly, equally dramatic.

Rhea affectionately wraps her arms around the smaller woman’s torso and presses her against herself tightly. “Such a martyr you are,” she murmurs into her hair.

“Hmm.”

Rhea feels Edelgard’s body relax as she settles comfortably against her, a soft sigh escapes her lips.

And then there is silence.

Rhea finds herself half hoping Edelgard is partway into falling asleep, or that the comfort of being held has put her insistence on getting an explanation out of her mind.

The other half of Rhea would be disappointed at the missed opportunity.

Still, she can let herself enjoy feeling Edelgard’s warmth and the gentle movements of her breathing a little while longer.

“I’m _waiting._ ”

Rhea groans, yet her happiness bleeds into the sound so it’s not convincing at all.

And so Rhea finds herself spending the good part of an hour indulging Edelgard by explaining to her some of the more complex knowledge of a long since forgotten society, with Edelgard asking a question every other minute.

Edelgard quickly comes to understand that most of the terms are tightly connected and you can’t understand one without the other.

Like molecules and atoms.

This took a long, long time to explain in terms Edelgard could relate to.

( _No, Edelgard I used colored glass marbles as an example of what you, and everything else in the world is made up of, atoms are not actually made of glass and neither are you. No, you won’t fall apart into a pile of marbles, the atoms are… glued together… no, not actual glue, more like a strong pull that binds them close together so you remain stable…perfectly safe, I assure you. No, you can’t see them they are incredibly small, incomprehensibly so. Yes, smaller than a grain of sand. There are …trillions of atoms in one grain of sand, give or take. Right, no need for the world trillion these days. A trillion is a million millions. No, don’t try to wrap your head around it and picture such a number, no one can. It just is. I am telling the truth, I swear. I promise it’s not a form of torture. You’re worrying too much, the universe… uhm, sorry the world has existed for millions of years, your sudden knowledge of its finer details won’t suddenly make it fall apart. No, you won’t fall apart either just because you know, that’s not how it works.)_

Somewhere along the way they end up in a long discussion about genetic codes carrying instructions that tells your body what to do from the moment you are conceived until your death, a topic Edelgard finds deeply fascinating. (she now refers to it as a long string of tiny numbers in each marble in your body written in a very complicated language your body understands) Rhea would have given up and called it quits a long time ago as the language barrier between the terms of the forgotten science and the current day Fodlan language is so big she feels inadequate to explain it properly to the point of frustration. But each feverish yet innocently curious question from Edelgard makes Rhea drop the thought of giving up immediately. Each sound of excitement, understanding, fascination, awe or wonder from Edelgard only spurring her to do better.

It’s been such a long time since she had any reason to speak of this, let alone find someone willing to listen…without deeming her a heretic minutes into the conversation. But Edelgard is a very good listener, drinking up each worth with an intense focus and even with her limited understanding and suitable vocabulary she understands the core of things impressively quickly, relying on her intuitiveness and ability to deftly connect things and find similarities alone.

Despite herself, despite her frustrations, Rhea finds herself smiling, feeling so content with holding Edelgard safely in her arms, enjoying her warmth and acting like a teacher who actually has something practical to teach.

Together they find a moment of well-deserved peace, deeply connected and engaged with each other.

The approaching future mercifully absent from their minds for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy to have finally written this. I had like 4 topics I wanted them to work through and it ended up being way more so I even had to rearrange some of the ordering of the content of the following chapters. like the.. uh.. you know... the Dragon bit, which already have written, it just didn't fit.
> 
> also fun fact, when I came up with this idea and i was like 'well the bloodline thing is gonna be an emotional and important part' I had the very creative and original idea of naming my fic 'Blood of my blood' yet I had the nagging feeling I heard it somewhere before, so I entered it into google only to realize I had banished one of Game of Throne favorite hip one-liners the characters dropped all the time, there is even an episode with the title. So I shortened it to my blood, to at least keep it with the theme and make sure it wasn't from anything.
> 
> Until like three days ago where I was reminded that back in january someone very persistently insisted I read this fucklong Hermoine/Bellatrix fic which normally really isn't my ship, i mean age gap... weird.. h-haha) But it was good and long and angsty and involved Bellatrix becoming young again and having post-war Hermoine rehabilitate her while they were connected with a Sacred vow and Bellatrix was aiming for the title of Biggest Bitch. And one of the most emotional scenes somewhere past midway had Hermoine being all "I've tried everything and you haven't changed at all, you don't care so why should I?" and after some more intense emotions being thrown at one another Bellatrix takes out her dagger, asks Hermoine to trust her for once and carves into the 'mudblood' she wrote into her wrist in the 6th book, instead turning it into 'My blood', saying something like "I have changed, you changed me". And man I laid on the floor with FeelsTM for a good few hours after that. Which was fun and dandy and all.... but FUCK that's the fucking title of my story and I never realized. aadfghjjsf /rant (It's titled 'These gilded chains we wear)
> 
> Wilhelm is a reckless, good-willed himbo and he and vengeful Lady Seiros who likes to stab people are my new brotp. 
> 
> I based Rhea's detailed knowledge of our society's level of technology on the fact that in the opening scene after Seiros hugs her mommy spine with her face you see this swirl of pictures turning into the scene where Sothis wakes up. One of those pictures is of a Mesopotamian-like ancient city, another of a very modern looking skyscraper. This, combined with the fact that the Agartants use 'ancient technology' containing of fun things such as literal fucking nuclear missiles (I'll admit that 'Pillars of light' has a much nicer ring to it, although I'm willing to bet Rhea is behind that name) let me to conclude that long before Seiros stopped Fodlan from advancing in terms of technology Fodlan society had reached a level slightly more advanced than our current level of technology, especially because they could add magic to it and had a literal Goddess come down from the sky to give them cool gifts to aid their technological development.
> 
> Rhea and forgetting how to Human appropriately in accordance with the current era lingo she finds herself in is my favorite trainwreck.
> 
> Update a whole month later: it has now been shown to me that the fact I literally copied the dna bit from wiki is visible as you can still click the words redirecting you to wikipedia on the phone version. Shameful display but also funny enough that I'm leaving it.


	14. Mom's Military tactics

Rhea had completely lost herself in the animated and lively conversation she was having with Edelgard, who was still wrapped safely within her arms. Edelgard spend a long time ceaselessly asking out every detail she could think of until she truly had a good grasp on DNA and the foundations of what made up the universe and all life within it, albeit from her own current-day-Fodlan perspective and language.

After that her barrage of questions slowed down. In between bouts of comfortable silence something would occur to her or she’d realize she was still struggling with connecting several things and see the full picture.

Rhea had truly loved explaining all these concepts to her and witnessing Edelgard finding her own unique ways of understanding her, so eager to learn and finally so awestruck when she understood just how complex, beautiful and vast the universe truly was.

But the silences between their exchanges of words were growing longer and their interactions shorter as both of them now had a mind full of new thoughts to consider, Edelgard most of all, and soon Rhea felt the girl get more comfortable against her own chest, lowering her body slightly so she could lean back better before Rhea felt the other woman’s body relax along with a soft exhale.

She leans her head gently on top of that of Edelgard’s, who makes a soft happy murmuring noise, and after embracing the girl more comfortably, her hands grasping the fabric of Edelgard’s dress just above her hips, Rhea lets herself relax as well.

For a long time neither of them says anything, both deeply lost within their own thoughts and the pleasant sensation of feeling the warmth of each other’s body seep into their own, while they both feel and listen to the other’s slow and soft breathing.

Rhea could fall asleep like this, she has no doubt about that. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a suitable position for a full night’s sleep, but a pleasant nap would certainly be relaxing.

But there are many more things she wishes to tell Edelgard.

…And it’s not as they have all the time in the world.

So after several more minutes of letting the both of them enjoy their moment of peace she does speak up again.

“Edelgard?”

“Hmm?” the girl murmurs absentmindedly, still enjoying the calmness between them

“Please don’t misunderstand, because I loved answering all your questions about DNA and atoms but… well, I was under the assumption you had more questions about, well… me,” she says somewhat sheepishly, both amused and slightly worried she sounds like she’s seeking for attention.

But her worries were for naught.

Because Edelgard abruptly shifts her position, turning her body over sideways and lifts her hips over Rhea’s thigh, nearly head-butting Rhea’s chin as she did so, until she sits in a position where her legs are still curled over both of Rhea’s thighs, with Edelgard is sitting to her side.

Edelgard catches Rhea’s slightly bemused expression at Edelgard suddenly all but hopping out of her arms and the girl laughs quietly. “I wanted to be able to see your face while we’re talking,” she explains with an earnest smile and just a hint of a blush.

It causes Rhea to break into a smile as well, along with a blush. It’s unfair, she thinks, that Edelgard can make her blush with only having to say something that makes Rhea feel valued by her.

She reaches out for Edelgard’s hands, one of her hands she interlaces with one of Edelgard’s, the other she gently wraps around the girl’s wrist, letting just the slightest bit of magic pour from her fingertips as she brushes them over the veins on Edelgard’s wrist.

A pleasant shiver runs through her fingertips, all the way into her spine.

It’s not enough to affect either of the, nor to distract them from talking, but Edelgard’s eyes widen momentarily as she feels Rhea’s magic connect to her own that dwells in her veins. With a faint blush she closes her eyes and breathes in slowly, exhaling a moment later in a long content sigh.

She opens her eyes a moment later and with her still reddened cheeks she looks at Rhea. “Feels good,” she murmurs. “It makes me feel so comfortable.”

Rhea hums in agreement. “Me too, my dear. I really wanted to connect to you, just a bit, but won’t it be too distracting?”

A vigorous shake of the younger woman’s head is all Rhea needs for confirmation, chuckling softly at how Edelgard doesn’t attempt to hide her eagerness at the prospect of getting to know Rhea better.

“Won’t be a problem,” Edelgard insists. “Nothing can distract me from you, not even you,” she laughs and her eyes turn to shine with intent and purpose.

“So Yes, I have questions. I need to put several pieces of your puzzle together.” She hesitates for a moment and looks slightly insecure. “Would that be alright with you?”

Rhea nods. “I’ll answer everything that I’m able to with honesty, I promise,” she asserts.

Edelgard seems pleased, almost honored by her response, with a shy smile and serious eyes. “Alright then. I’ll try my best.”

Momentarily she says nothing yet Rhea can practically see her mind racing, considering what questions to ask, how to word them and in what order.

“Are you really a goddess?” she asks Rhea with curiosity, then a small grin forms on her lips. “Did I actually get that right when I knelt before you?”

Rhea can’t help but laugh. “No, not exactly. I’m just a Saint, I’m afraid.”

The white haired girl’s brows furrow in contemplation. “Then what’s the difference?”

“Hmm, my Mother is the true Goddess and me along with my siblings were created as Saints. My Mother was _vastly_ more powerful than any of us …but I’ll admit the exact difference is sometimes vague to me as well.”

She muses it over in her head, her mother was often vague about which parts and powers of her Children came from her and which things were solely of their own. But some differences were always very clear.

“I cannot create life as freely as my Mother could, for example, nor do I have any deeper understanding of time, which she seemed to have, although she never would expand on that…”

Edelgard is looking at her with wide intrigued eyes, eyes so full of fascination and wonder it makes her look dazzling to Rhea.

“So Sothis truly is your Mother?”

It’s unexpectedly emotional to hear that being said from someone else and Rhea feels her mind grow hazy as she momentarily drowns in her memories and feelings. “Yes,” she murmurs. “Yes… Sothis, not just as the Goddess, but Sothis is also truly my Mother.” She pauses a moment before continuing, unsure how to explain her unique relation with her Mother to someone who has nothing to compare it with. “Although she is also my Goddess.”

She watches Edelgard’s expression closely, looking for any signs of confusion or unease. She finds non, much to her relief, Edelgard still seems nothing but open and curious.

Still, she needs to explain this well.

“I can imagine such a thing to be a conflicting idea for you but to me it always made perfect sense, I lived in a bubble full of clarity, purpose and love. She was the answer to all my questions, doubts, fears… my answer to everything I ever struggled with or wondered about. Living together with my Mother and my siblings I didn’t have any need for more, anything outside of the bubble that was my perfect world.”

She might have explained it as best as she could, still she feels it’s incredibly lacking and with gaping holes everywhere. But how could she explain how her world and life worked to a being so firmly rooted in an entire different kind of world?

Edelgard momentarily seems deep in thought, a puzzling look on her features.

“It’s not conflicting to me… but very complicated to understand. As it’s so different from what happened to me” she muses out loud. “I… my parents… I never connected to them very well. My mother disappeared when I was very young and my father… my father and I haven’t been able to see eye to eye after I was experimented on.” There is an edge creeping into her voice now, which was mere moments earlier nothing but soft curiosity.

She looks up to Rhea and her eyes are filled with age old emotions and unshed tears. “He knew the whole time… they even made him visit, so I too was aware he knew…but he was powerless to stop them, to save us. Afterwards he felt too much guilt to even try and make amends with me and I… I felt resentment. The one person in my life, a parent whom a child is supposed to be able to rely on and trust, had been utterly powerless to save me or my siblings.”

Rhea feels Edelgard’s fingers interlaced with hers trembling and tightens her grip on the girls hand, steadying her a little and hopefully be of some sort of comfort.

It seems to help, as a bit of clarity returns to Edelgard’s distant eyes and she takes a deep breath before continuing.

“It disgusted… no it _terrified_ me how weak he had been both as my father and as King, and I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes without fear of ever becoming as weak as he had been. He never got back any of his strength anymore either way, seeing his children perish one by one had left him broken. The only thing that kept him alive was me, or rather the sole purpose of preparing me to take the throne and retaliate against those who broke him so.” Her voice is devoid of emotion yet still it’s unsteady.

Edelgard laughs softly, it’s hollow and jagged and her eyes turn wistful.

“Although I like to think… or maybe just to hope, he also prepared me to become Emperor because he hoped it would bring me happiness in the end, that I wouldn’t end up as broken as he had become,” she murmurs, her voice now almost dreamlike with her thoughts far away.

Edelgard becomes aware of Rhea’s fingers around her wrist tightening, with a force just below pain, out of sheer anger towards anyone involved in the torture they put Edelgard though, including her spineless twig of a father, it causes Edelgard to hurriedly speak up.

“No, it’s alright. I didn’t meant to make this about me,” she smiles weakly, trying to look reassuring. “That’s long in the past and I’ve strived to live my different than he did. It still hurts, but that pain reminds me of what I must never succumb to.” She stills and for a split second sorrow crosses her features, gone a moment later.

“A-anyway, what I was trying to explain is that… that all parents make mistakes and in the end you learn and accept that all along they had been just as much of a clueless adult as you have grown up to be… it makes it easier to forgive them for any pain or confusion they caused you and gives you the freedom to live your life in a different way from theirs.”

Her hand fidgets with Rhea’s fingers as she hesitates to continue. “I do not mean to speak ill of the Goddess, nor your Mother… I can’t imagine Her causing Her children such pain my parents did… but I cannot imagine having to pray to the person who already holds so much control over my life…” She gives Rhea an odd look, as if what she’s imagining seems truly uncomfortable to her. “To live a life where my parents had been the ultimate truth and the answer to all of my questions… such a thought seems unbearable to me, I would have become so broken had I never… found my own truth, one vastly different than theirs.”

She turns to look very nervous all of a sudden, guilty even. “My apologies, I never met your Mother of course, and all the stories of her as the Goddess depict her as perfect and something akin to a symbolic mother to Fodlan,” she mutters, cheeks slightly reddened and glancing downward.

At that Rhea chokes on a laugh. “You mean the stories that originate from the Church? The same Church which I founded and wove around my Mother to ensure she’d be the foundation of the stability I was convinced Fodlan was in need of?” She can’t wipe the sheepish grin from her face, not even out of guilt but out of the sheer way it makes her feel so silly because where Edelgard found the strength to sidestep the pain which the flaws of her parents had caused her to forge her own path, _she_ founded an entire religion around her Mother and deliberately made her seem like nothing less than holy and perfect by putting different nuances and context to her actions during her time on Fodlan.

Which she was, in her own cryptic and confusing way.

But that cryptic side of her Mother made it so that the people wouldn’t have understood, not without Rhea’s delicately woven alterations within the stories.

It takes Edelgard an impressively short time to figure out what Rhea meant, or rather what Rhea _did._

Her eyebrows rise and her expression turns incredulous. “Shameless,” she says, shaking her head disappointingly. “You’re absolutely shameless.”

The girl raises her head to the ceiling wistfully, looking as if she’s deep in thought about something before breaking into gentle laughter again.

She lowers her head again and her amused eyes find Rhea’s own.

“You… just how much did you lie about her?” She asks eager and teasingly but then abruptly shakes her head. “No actually, never mind that, we’ll be here for _hours._ ”

She grins when Rhea shoots her an offended look. “Instead tell me, what was she really like? As a Mother I mean.”

The question surprises Rhea, that Edelgard is more interested in what her Mother was like than wanting to know what Rhea lied about this time. Then again Edelgard has long known Rhea had the habit of concealing the truth and perhaps she’s more interested in Rhea’s personal truth than whatever she concealed over the centuries to use in her favor.

It’s a nice thought, and for the first time in what genuinely might be forever Rhea finds herself speaking about Sothis, instead of the Goddess.

“She was truly wise and nurturing, my Mother was not all that different from what the Church teaches. I didn’t so much lie but instead turned my knowledge and memories of her into more of a… suitable representation of a Goddess which Fodlan was in dire need of.”

A very unconvinced “Hmm,” is the only response she gets, along with an almost impatient huff, mirroring Edelgard’s expression, which is clearly encouraging her to continue.

“She was a wonderful Mother,” Rhea says sincerely. “But her ways of doing things were… odd to say the least. She’d often conceal the reasons for her actions, as well as the reasons for the things she’d ask us to do. Sometimes we figured them out as we did them, sometimes we only did so afterwards and saw the effects. …And sometimes we never figured out why we had even done something at all.” She can’t hide the twinge of frustration in her voice and chides herself for sounding like she’s moping, trying to shake off her unpleasant feelings.

“Still, in the end it always worked out, her plans, no matter how odd, would end up being beneficial in various ways, so we always trusted her, even if we didn’t understand her at times. We might have been her Children, a divine force on our own, but we knew we would never reach her level of Godhood, not even close.”

“That must have been frustrating,” Edelgard hums as she considers Rhea’s situation. “I mean, I would want to know _why_ I was doing things, for certain. I wouldn’t want to be left in the dark, even by someone whom I loved and trusted.”

The girl’s eyes meet Rhea’s, a gentle and questioning look in her eyes.

“It was,” Rhea admits quietly, and while it feels like blasphemy it’s also relieving to verbalize her ancient and repressed frustrations she still has for her Mother. “Truthfully the one thing I struggled with the most was that she’d never tell us anything about… about us or herself. About what we really were, how long we’d live and if we’d get stronger over time, what she was, where she came from, why she remained here on Fodlan or what the true extend of her powers and knowledge were,” she sums up, and even Rhea is once again conflicted by how long that list is.

“She never told you any of that?” Edelgard asks with genuine surprise.

“No, only ever what we needed to know,” Rhea says quietly, as if somewhere she feels what her Mother did wasn’t the right thing to do.

She shakes the thought. That’s not possible, Rhea makes mistakes. The Goddess doesn’t.

“It was for the best,” she says instead, silently wondering who she’s trying to convince. “She’d give… cryptic hints sometimes. About how she experienced the passage of time different, or about ‘other beings like her’ far away. But she always insisted our minds were to be focused on Fodlan and in the present, as that was both our purpose but also our right, to be with humanity and experiencing our own humanity. She didn’t want to burden us with her own struggles.”

Edelgard is looking at her oddly, not as if she doesn’t believe Rhea, nor as if she believes the reasons her Mother had for doing things in the way she did.

Oh.

Rhea thought that was contradictory but now it dawns on her.

She believes that _Rhea_ believes that those were her Mother’s reasons, but not necessarily that those reasons were the actual true ones which were the drive behind her Mother’s actions.

The thought makes Rhea uncomfortable.

Thankfully Edelgard doesn’t tear open a wound Rhea doesn’t even know where it’s located on her or what it looks like. Instead her questions take on a different angle.

“The Goddess descended on mankind when we were already living across Fodlan, right? With villages and everything.”

“Hmm, that’s true,” Rhea says, exhaling softly as some of the uncomfortable tension leaves her body.

“Why?”

The question puzzles Rhea, it makes no sense. “Huh? Why what?”

“Why come down here and spend so many years living among lesser beings, guiding them, bestowing them with gifts, even creating your own Children to help you and let them live among us.” Edelgard elaborates.

“So why? Why come down on Fodlan as a Goddess? Spending centuries here while painstakingly slowly try to help a very stubborn species seems exhausting, especially if you’re so much more advanced.”

The age old question.

One Rhea never got an answer to, despite her and her siblings having asked their Mother in many different ways.

It was what it was. A constant. Live in the here and now and don’t dwell on what I was before this constant.

A constant meant to last forever which had ended up being ripped from Rhea in the blink of an eye.

Still, she finds herself smiling, firmly present in the here and now, instead of those painful memories.

She hears herself laugh, even. Soft and gentle.

“She wouldn’t tell, of course,” she says, still smiling.

“Naturally,” Edelgard responds with a knowing smirk on her lips.

“But I spend many years living closely with my Mother and we’d speak a lot, about everything we could come up with. And in all those years living with her and my siblings the only real reason I ever found as for why she had chosen to descent and to remain on Fodlan, to grow to be so emotionally invested in the world, humanity and us as her Children was that she just seemed to thoroughly enjoy doing so.”

Edelgard chuckles lightly. “Well I don’t know much about motherhood but I think I can safely assume that ‘ _thoroughly enjoying being with one’s children’ is a good basis_.” She smiles with mirth and warmth in her eyes.

Then her expression turns a bit more distant. “But Seiros, as an Emperor I purposely kept my soldiers in the dark in regards to many of my true intentions and goals. Very little of them ever understood the full extent of the missions I’d send them on, so they could focus all their energy and skills on the small part of the mission where they’d be needed. It made them much more effective and much less nervous.”

Edelgard explains her military tactics with the knowledge and experiences of a veteran strategist, revealing the true extend of her ability to be an incredibly skilled, if pragmatic ruler. She even sounds like one, when she speaks like this.

“They were my soldiers, my pawns whose life were mine to squander or surround with extra protection. And as I didn’t want to squander the lives of people who were willingly risking their lives for me I gave them the protection by keeping many things from them and gave them clear directives, those directives were often just a stone falling into a pond that was the entire operation.”

Edelgard bites her lip, and a flash of guilt crosses her features.

“I did that to keep my men one of mind, free from fear and doubt, obedient, effective and with a clear directive in mind. It vastly increased their chances of survival and their success in their missions, and so I instilled them with a deep sense of trust in the Emperor to make the important decisions for them, to tell them what to do, as that was my job. I suppose you might be able to relate somewhat as Archbishop with your subordinates and even the students.”

Rhea can sense Edelgard’s underlying meaning, and its uncomfortable but also… freeing.

“And the way a soldier needs to rely on their ruler, a subordinate and a leader…” Rhea speaks softly.

“Is not how I’d imagine a relationship between a parent and a child, especially a mature one, to be mutually beneficial and comforting,” Edelgard finishes for her, with kindness in her voice. “I kept their minds small, deprived them of the whole picture, to protect them and keep them safe, so they wouldn’t be riddled with anxiety and get lost in the deeply complex nature of warfare and politics like I was… A parent should do the exact opposite, I think. To teach their children about the world at large, to let them think for themselves and find their own goals and purposes, to free them instead of putting limits on their minds and knowledge.”

Edelgard momentarily falters before she seems slightly uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“But I can only speak from the perspective of human parents, of course. I understand that for both you and Sothis it was much more complex.”

When Edelgard finishes her earlier aura of a veteran war strategist is gone, instead she’s just Edelgard again, who is now looking with uncertainty at Rhea, afraid she might have gotten it wrong or overstepped Rhea’s boundaries.

But she wasn’t wrong.

“It was complex, yes,” Rhea says wistfully, numerous instances where her world felt whole and her purpose clear come back to her, yet for the first time she’s now keenly aware of the nagging doubt that always came with it. Has she truly been blinded by her Mother all this time, left unable to see that there were other paths than her mother had laid out for her? 

“But she also loved us as a Mother did, Edelgard. She held our hands and showed us the world, taught us what we needed to know and showed us how to venture out on our own,” she insists, and she does so with warmth as the memories are fond to her.

“I don’t doubt that.” Edelgard agrees with her, yet still looks troubled. “I just wonder if… if serving the Goddess and pledging your loyalty and mind to her is possible to combine with also being loved by her as a Mother… it feels unequal. I had the freedom to learn from my parents and their mistakes so I could to go and forge my own path, one away from theirs, but you were kept in a perpetual state of being the loved daughter of a Goddess who also needed you to serve her in some sort way. I cared for my soldiers, truly. For their wellbeing and survival, but I didn’t care for them as if they were my children.” She chose her words carefully and spoke delicately, as if she was afraid she was talking about things she, as a mere human, couldn’t possibly understand and had no right to have an opinion about.

But to Rhea, it feels like a revelation that no other than a human… no, only _this_ particular human who cares for her could understand.

Something heavy and as cold as ice forms in the pit of Rhea’s stomach, and along with it a thought surfaces that she never thought’s she’d permit herself to think of.

“Do… do you think my Mother was a bad mother?” She asks tentatively, almost too terrified to say such sinful words, to dare question the Goddess’s mysterious ways. Too terrified that she was _used,_ in some way.

To her surprise Edelgard laughs quietly, gently. “No, never,” she says with conviction. “Every time you speak of her as the Goddess you make her out to be nurturing, kind, motherly. She made you feel that way, and no doubt your siblings as well. But she still _was_ a Goddess, someone, as you said it, vastly more powerful than you would ever be. So unlike humanity, where we eventually come to see our parents as equals and just as flawed as us, you always remained the Child of the Goddess. …And I think maybe the Goddess might have been slightly more human than both you and she ever realized, and _humans_ come with flaws, they are all woefully imperfect.”

Edelgard laughs. “I mean, just look at us. _All_ of us, or just you and me. Nothing is perfect.”

She gently rakes her fingers up and down along those of Rhea’s, soothing her nerves and fears.

“So no, I don’t think your Mother was a bad mother, just one who burdened herself with a lot, all the while underestimating how human –and imperfect- she truly was. I’m merely guessing here, but I think perhaps her very human and imperfect behavior and your deep faith that she was perfect and flawless… might have left some mark in your mind, some feeling of not having ever been enough.”

It becomes a little too much for Rhea, her fears which she never acknowledged and always forced into the recesses of her mind, condemning them a sin, now so carefully and gently laid out for her, even in a way it doesn’t make her Mother seem wrong, nor Rhea for having secretly doubted her.

“You’re right,” she chokes out, her voice unexpectedly thick with emotion. “I often felt as if… as if I wasn’t worthy, like she didn’t need to tell me why things had to be done a certain way or where we came from because I wouldn’t understand it anyway.” She feels her voice go bitter but she can’t stop it because that’s how she feels as well.

“She gave me the ability to think, to be able to judge on my own what was right or wrong but sometimes I wondered why she even bothered,” she says scornfully, the old worry that she was irrelevant creeping up on her. My Mother always knew exactly what to do, what to make us do. I hardly ever needed to think on my own, it even felt wrong to do so, often. Thinking too much would inevitably lead to questioning her motives.”

Deep in thought she’s vaguely aware of Edelgard letting go of her hand yet Rhea still startles for less than a second when she feels the gentle touch of a thumb under her eye and she realizes it’s Edelgard wiping away a tear. The girl is smiling at her, reassuringly, calmingly and her eyes are filled with understanding. Rhea wonders how, how Edelgard could possibly understand what it’s like to be ageless and feel so eternally inadequate to your Mother because she’s a Goddess and you’re… just a vindictive and petty Saint.

But somehow Edelgard understands.

“Your Mother sounds like a wonderful person,” she says, sounding genuine, smiling still. “I would have loved to meet her, perhaps even become friends with her. She seems fun, gentle, caring, strong-willed and like someone who knows how to amuse themselves.”

It’s an odd way to describe a Goddess, Rhea thinks, but a very kind way to describe a human.

Edelgard chuckles softly. “But I’m very glad she was never my Mother, I would have bickered with her endlessly, demanded answers to all the ‘whys’ and then every detail to every answer, I would have stubbornly put my foot down and outright refuse to carry out her orders or rebelliously do the exact opposite of what she’d ask me to do.”

Rhea tries pictures it in her mind, Edelgard and her Mother…no, Edelgard and Sothis, bickering over which type of crop should be planted to ensure the biggest harvest, things like that. It’s both a terrifyingly scaring prospect to consider yet also equally thrilling and amusing. She can imagine both Edelgard and her Mother finding an odd sort of enjoyment in continuously butting heads, all things considered.

And suddenly something ancient and perpetually agonizing, twisted deep and painfully inside her, dislodges. Something she never even knew was there, but now she’s completely aware of the shard which is causing her to feel agonizing something she always carried inside her. It’s hard and cold and its effects are always radiating and tangling themselves through the rest of Rhea, with each step she takes, with each year that passed, with each century that passed it was lodged deep inside her.

The hard and cold sensation is one not unfamiliar to her. Fear, resentment, envy, inadequacy.

Feelings she never knew she held for her Mother, she might have known but she wouldn’t allow herself to feel anything but goodness for her Mother, for the Goddess.

But now she feels that ancient pain dislodge, the coldness warms up inside her and the hardness softens until everything is smooth enough that it fluently mingles with the rest of the many complex things that make up Rhea.

It’s still there, but it’s not all that painful anymore, now it’s merely a part of her, a memory to learn from and reflect on.

The ever present shard of agony is gone.

Instead now there is peace.

Forgiveness.

Because her Mother, at least when it came to the part where she was Rhea’s mother, was more human than Rhea ever considered her to be.

And it’s alright for humans to be imperfect.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, her eyes closed and her voice still slightly hoarse with emotion. “I needed to hear that, I think.”

She feels a finger –a thumb- gently wipe away wetness underneath her eyes and realizes she had been crying. Not the sort of sobbing that makes your chest heave but instead silent tears have been rolling down her cheek, pooling at her chin and dripping down onto her chest.

They’re tears of relief, of finally acknowledging the pain she always carried with her which she refused to let herself dwell on, and finally feeling it melt into herself, now just a part of her, a hurt she can think about, make peace with and learn from.

Rhea feels overwhelmed by the sudden swell of gratitude she feels for Edelgard and she frantically tries to come up with anything that will convey just how grateful she feels, the ‘thank you’ just now doesn’t do what she feels any justice.

She feels the thumb stroking her face stop, the tears must have stopped, and she opens her eyes to search for Edelgard’s eyes.

When she meets her eyes all thoughts of how to express her gratitude evaporate. Edelgard’s eyes are shining with deep behind them all those beautiful emotions Edelgard can feel. And she’s smiling, for the simplest of reasons, she’s _happy_. Happy that Rhea seemed relieved by her words, soothed by her comforting reasoning and her mind finally put at ease.

That’s not something someone expects gratitude for, nor something someone should frantically express gratitude for.

Because this is part of the depth which two people who love each other have, where they connect, listen, understand and forgive, without any expectations.

Something flickers in Edelgard’s brilliant eyes and she leans her head in closer, having to slightly prop herself up with her hands to be able to reach, and gently presses her lips against Rhea’s.

Before Rhea melts into the kiss she has enough coherent thought left to wrap her arms around Edelgard to help her stay close like this.

The kiss is soft, innocent almost. Both of them slowly brushing each other’s lips with their own. It’s calming and Rhea finds her usually so erratic thoughts suddenly all in tandem, focused on the sensation of Edelgard’s lips against her own.

It’s a long kiss, Rhea thinks. She hasn’t really been keeping track of time but her natural instincts which have an inkling over the accuracy of the passage of time make it clear it’s been minutes, several at least.

Finally, it’s Edelgard who breaks the kiss, she hesitates and Rhea has to stop herself from pulling her in again.

Edelgard is still smiling, still innocent and happy, but now also with the intent of wanting to say something.

“I…there are so many things I wish I knew how to tell you, about how I feel, what I want… how you make me feel, but I wouldn’t know how, I lack the words, the sentences. Everything feels too shallow.” She chuckles quietly. “I think I could get a fraction of that across if I write a book full about it, or maybe even more than one.”

She reaches for Rhea’s cheek again.

“But a book isn’t an option now, so I concluded a kiss would have to do. I don’t want anything left unsaid between us, but there are so many things I don’t know how to say, so I’ll keep kissing you, alright?” she asks Rhea, and the hint of fragile uncertainty in her voice alone is enough to have Rhea nodding.

“Yes,” she rasps and puts her own hand on the hand resting on her cheek. “Yes, I want to tell you everything that holds any importance to me as well, but for the things I can’t I’ll kiss you,” she says hoarsely, yet smiling all the same.

Edelgard grins, yet her eyes are far too open and kind for any mischief. “I must admit that this wasn’t the sort of reaction I expected when you said you’d give me answers, but they’re answers nonetheless, just not to the things I was planning on asking.”

Rhea feels her face redden. “My apologies, I went off track there, didn’t I? I made it all about me again…” she says with slight irritation.”

“No, no,” Edelgard responds hurriedly. “What I meant was that the questions on my mind were more factual in nature, context, your abilities, history, things you have or what happened to you, that sort of thing. But now I feel I understand you as a person a little better, how you came to be and who you are on the inside, and that’s perhaps a much more worthwhile answer than any question I could hope to come up with,” she smiles.

Rhea feels herself relax a little, leaning slightly more into Edelgard as well as a soft sigh escapes her lips. “You are being very kind to me today,” she tells the girl softly, affection lacing her voice.

“Don’t get used to it,” Edelgard warns her in feigned sternness.

“I don’t dare to get used to anything about you because I’m certain that your unpredictability will come to slap me in the face the second I dare to do so,” Rhea jokes.

Edelgard laughs, only responding with a secretive “Hmm,” yet Rhea can tell the distinct sound of restrained impatience in her voice. Her posture too, she’s fidgeting and her eyes are darting everywhere.

Oh.

A grin blooms on Rhea’s features, suddenly very aware what’s bothering the fidgety Emperor.

“Edelgard, do you have any more questions you’d like to ask me?”

In an instant the girl’s eyes light up with purpose and intent, nodding enthusiastically while promptly exclaiming a very eager “Yes!”

Rhea laughs inwardly. So impatient, so curious. It’s endearing, even more in how hard she tries and fails to be polite about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEELS  
> and RESOLVED MOMMY ISSUES  
> Therapist El, at your services.


	15. For the future glory of the Adrestian Empire

In some way Rhea had always prized herself for essentially being a dragon sleeping on a gigantic pile of secrets.

They had been hers to keep, and she guarded them with her life.

Yet now here she was, willingly sharing her oldest and deepest secrets with the woman who had been the source of so much of her hatred not long ago.

Edelgard’s honesty in her eagerness eases away the fear Rhea was still holding for sharing a secret with someone which she has kept for so long. It’s comforting. Strange and surreal, but comforting.

“Go ahead then, my dear,” she encourages the smaller woman. “It’s still somewhat daunting but my desire for you to know all of me outweighs any trepidation I’m feeling.” She softly squeezes Edelgard’s wrist, still cradled in her lap and gives her a reassuring smile.

“Alright,” Edelgard says and takes a moment to consider her words. “Well… is it also true then that you can turn into… into a… you know, uhm… ah,” she flounders as her voice trails off, unable to continue she turns to Rhea with a pleading look in her eyes.

“Dragon.” Rhea helpfully supplies her with when she realizes Edelgard was frantically racking her brain trying to come up with anything sounding more appropriate than _monster._

“And yes, I can.” Rhea confirms, with much more ease than she expected, it’s as if a burden falls off her shoulders, instead. “Or rather, my Dragon form is my true form, the natural one I was born into,” she explains carefully to a now instantly wide-eyed and mesmerized Edelgard.

“Myself and the rest of my kind were originally called the Nabateans, but nowadays that word is mostly lost to time and only the word ‘Dragon’ remains, which alludes to our first bodies.” She pauses and takes in Edelgard’s expression, it’s still open and full of eager fascination, but Rhea recognizes the telltale sign of the girl’s gears in her hear spinning to correlate this new information with other information which she already possessed from other sources –likely the Slithers’.

Still she decides to continue. “We only started shifting between out Dragon and human forms in order to be able to mingle among you, and later decided to stay in human from permanently due to practical reasons.”

Like being able to approach humans without the ever present risk of accidentally killing them, or enter their cities at all, she thinks sheepishly to herself. The size difference always made her feel so incredibly clumsy whenever she was near humans.

And many centuries later, in order to make the world forget they had ever been anything else than human

Edelgard stirs, having finally comprehended all this new information and is now looking at her somewhat blankly. “Right… a Nabatean is a Dragon then,” she says, the words clearly unfamiliar on her lips, making Rhea realize the girl has no context whatsoever to go with the words and has no idea what it entails, or what her true form looks like.

Rhea smiles and drags her fingertips, which contain just a hint of magic, across Edelgard’s wrist, knowing how calming it feels for her –for the both of them. Edelgard meets her eyes, the girl’s cheeks faintly reddened, yet her eyes still filled with open curiosity, she exhales softly and murmurs contently.

At that Rhea sighs, feeling reassured she’ll be able to explain about herself well enough to Edelgard. “To help you picture it, a Dragon looks somewhat like a wyvern, but with an extra pair of forelimbs and many, _many_ times as large,” she tries to explain, although comparing herself to a wyvern feels crude and almost disrespectful to herself. “And in my natural form I have access to the most raw and potent form of magic in Fodlan, not limited by spells or bound by laws of nature. It felt like… an extension of the raw force of nature, not unlike thunder.”

Edelgard’s expression got progressively more bemused, pale and shaken as Rhea spoke and a strangled chuckle escapes her mouth. “H-how large exactly?” she asks, wide-eyed and bewildered.

Rhea finds herself enjoying the girl’s overwhelmed reaction. “Hmm, somewhat taller than the roof of Garreg Mach, I would estimate,” she guesses, her voice light. “It’s been a while,” she shrugs dismissively, her size had only ever been relevant to her when it came to interacting with humans and the appropriate proximity to be able do so, otherwise it was just…what she looked like.

“That is if you don’t count my wings, of course, if I raise those I would reach a lot higher,” she adds as an afterthought before recalling something else she wants to share too. “Actually, I was one of the largest in my Dragon from among my siblings,” she smiles with a hint of ancient pride.

“Ah,” Edelgard says flatly, seemingly disconcerted by the mental image she’s trying to conjure. “That’s… that’s quite large indeed, yes.”

“Depending on one’s perspective you could say that yes,” Rhea considers, amusement on her lips. “But to me it was simply humans who were just so _impractically_ small,” she laughs quietly and briefly flashes Edelgard an expression of mock disappointment.

Edelgard frowns and scoffs. “ _Rude_ , I assure you our size is _very_ practical.”

When Rhea responds with nothing but raised eyebrows in skepticism Edelgard huffs defensively, though she can’t hide the slight grin tugging on her lips.

A moment later something seems to occur to her.

“The people I worked with- that I was forced to work with,” she says carefully, trying to delicately skirt around some of the more confronting topics. “They told me that you, -you as in Rhea the Archbishop- weren’t actually a human but a… a false being called the Immaculate One. Is your other form, the uh Dragon form, what they were referring to?”

It’s unnerving and a shock for Rhea to hear that the Slithers’ still possess the knowledge of that name, or more specific, that they know it is tied to _her._ She had hoped her old alias had fully turned into an isolated myth by now, after having meticulously concealed so much of what she did under that name and in that form.

It would be _very_ troublesome if they also learned that Saint Seiros and the Immaculate One were in fact the same entity. No human had ever made that connection, not even Edelgard’s ancestor Wilhelm, whom she had aided in founding the Empire under both names separately. Her enemies could certainly weaponize that information and taint both the image of the divine Saint Seiros and her position as the Archbishop.

If they’d be effective in spreading the rumor that either of her incarnations wasn’t human nor divine but, as they would phrase it, a monster, surely there would be unrest and the very foundation of the Church might crumble.

So even if the chance that Edelgard would in some way –unwilling or not- pass that information on to the Slithers’ is very small, she really shouldn’t risk it and tell her.

“Yes,” she says simply, instead of listening to the logic in her mind. “It was the alias I used to help Wilhelm -your ancestor- establish and stabilize the Adrestian Empire, actually.”

Edelgard slowly blinks at her several times, her expression blank until finally something like resigned bewilderment settles on her features. “Oh,” she mumbles weakly. “That uh, that seems to be something my ancestors have neglected to pass down through the generations.”

“Oh, yes,” Rhea agrees. “Among several other important parts. Not to mention they changed some rather important details of historical events as well,” she says, unable to keep the hint of bitterness out of her voice.

“Seems they took a liking to that peculiar habit of yours then,” Edelgard retorts bluntly.

Rhea wants to snap at her, annoyed by the comment, but she can’t deny the girl has a point there.

Although, a thought occurs to her and she already feels satisfying glee bubble up inside her for being able to share something very special with Edelgard, having wished for years she could have.

She gently draws patterns on Edelgard’s wrist, pouring bits of magic into it while Edelgard sometimes reaches out with a flicker of her own magic to connect. It’s calming, to the both of them.

But Rhea is about to be merciless.

She gives the girl a sly smile, who instantly knows Rhea is up to something bad.

“Hmm actually, now that you mention tradition,” Rhea begins innocent enough, yet Edelgard pales all the same. “Your ancestors did keep a part of my legacy regarding my influence with the foundation of Adrestia intact,” she says with an air of secrecy, hoping Edelgard doesn’t catch her grin because she’s sure she looks mischievous.

“What? Which part?” The girl replies quickly, inquisitive as always, yet now also with added nerves.

Rhea’s grin widens at Edelgard’s eagerness to find out about her family and Empire’s history… and to blindly and willingly walk into Rhea’s trap.

“Tell me,” she asks, sounding perfectly innocent, “that horned crown you always wore, why did you opt for that design?”

“Hmm?” Edelgard seems puzzled by her question for a short moment, raising a hand to her chin. “Well I based the design of my crown on an old custom of Adrestia’s royalty, they would commonly wear a crown with horns in honor of a legend that spoke of a guardian which watched over the Adrestian Empi-” a shaky gasp interrupts Edelgard’s explanation and she visibly startles as she hurriedly meets Rhea’s eyes, where she frantically searches for anything that will contradict the painful conclusion she just drew herself in her mind.

When all she finds in green eyes is the merciless mirth Rhea is feeling she shakes her head almost feverishly. “ _No,_ ” she breathes out shakily, hoarse and mortified. “No, _please_ don’t tell me they meant _you,_ ” she utters in vain disbelief, her voiced pained and aghast, the last word spoken with disdain.

Rhea can’t help it her grin only grows wider, knowing she now likely looks slightly malicious while doing so. “Yes,” she admits with undiluted glee. “They were honoring _me._ ”

The deep frustration settling over Edelgard, her expression bordering on furious as she’s struggling to remain her composure, evident by how tight her jaw is, her tense shoulders and clenched fists, only serves to amuse Rhea more.

“And that means that _you,_ rebellious little Emperor,” Rhea tells her, high on the satisfying feeling of beating Edelgard at her own game. “Shaped your meticulously designed and _very_ imposing image after the very person you were trying to dethrone.” Finally being able to tell Edelgard this is exhilarating and she’s confident that that feeling drips of every word she said.

Edelgard is all but fuming by this point, so infuriated that her cheeks are red and her eyes wide and set aflame, yet words seem to elude her momentarily, as she repeatedly opens her mouth only to close it again without saying anything.

Finally she does make a sound but it’s so strained and breathless that for a short moment Rhea genuinely worries if she might be suffocating, her worries evaporate at once when Edelgard promptly buries her face in her hands and lets out a long infuriated guttural scream, the sound muffled by her hands pressed hard against her mouth.

It’s the last straw for Rhea’s self-control to slip and she breaks into amused unabashed laughter. Somewhere in the back of her head she vaguely realizes how freeing this all feels to her.

Edelgard refuses to move a single muscle and merely frustratingly groans into her hands again.

After Rhea regains her bearings enough to prevent herself from bursting into another bout of laughter she remembers something that would serve perfectly to embarrass the already flustered girl just a _tad_ more.

“You know Edelgard,” she starts overly friendly. Edelgard doesn’t remove her hands from her face but she’s silent, meaning she’s listening, which works perfectly for Rhea. “Many centuries ago, during the days when me and my siblings still freely changed into both forms at will there was this tradition where humanity would celebrate our gifts and guidance during the harvest season,” she explains, barely containing her laughter. “And one of the customs was for children to dress in bright colors and wear little tiaras resembling our horns.”

She pauses a moment for added dramatic effect.

“That’s what you looked like to me, a child trying to dress up as a Dragon.”

Edelgard lets out another long groan, this one more strained and in a higher pitch and Rhea can’t help but laugh again at the sounds of embarrassment and deep frustration.

After another infuriated noise Edelgard finds it in herself to speak again. “Are you done now? Or do you have any more funny things to compare me with? Because if you do, please keep them to yourself, I might just die of embarrassment if you don’t,” she mutters into her hands, her voice a low growl.

“I could think of a few,” Rhea hums in mischief.

At that Edelgard finally looks up from her hands and graces Rhea with an angry glare. “I bet you had a wonderful time laughing at my expense when you first saw me wearing that crown,” she grumbles in annoyance.

“Oh yes,” Rhea admits merrily, enjoying her personal little victory high. “I couldn’t believe what an idiot you were when our armies first met, thinking you looked all fierce and imposing while you were giving me some defiant speech about opposing me and revealing my true nature, during which you quite literally were dressed up as me,” she grins. “Poetic irony.”

To Rhea’s surprise Edelgard chuckles as a slight smile forms on her lips. “I suppose that must have killed some of the impact I had hoped it would have, then,” she admits sheepishly. “Goddess, I must have looked so stupid.”

“No, not stupid. Just …naïve and truly clueless, in a way,” Rhea corrects her, sounding gentle despite her somewhat insulting words.

Edelgard looks at her both slightly offended and questioning.

“It made me realize that your reasons for going to war against me were at least partially based on mistruths and lies,” she explains. “If even the Emperor of Adrestia lacked the true knowledge of its history and founding, something that was supposed to be secretly passed on through the generations of the Von Hresvelg family, then it meant that the truth had been seriously altered by several parties… one of which was myself, admittedly.”

Edelgard regains her usual ferocity, replacing it with her earlier embarrassment, in record speed and graces Rhea with a smug glare of superiority, silently chiding her she’s indeed to blame for the consequences of her own actions.

Rhea sighs. She could come up with a counterargument, she knows several which personally counter Edelgard’s own actions but she finds she doesn’t really feel like it matters any longer. History has become a convoluted, distorted mess with multiple parties fighting to make their truth _the_ truth.

And despite Rhea knowing a lot of what truly happened, having been present during most of the important events herself, she only has one pair of eyes and even in the middle of future defining battles she knew she didn’t always get the full picture of what was going on, what motives all warring parties had, which secrets were exchanged between supposed enemies.

A sad smile forms on her lips and her weary thoughts of the past take the wind out of Rhea somewhat. “They always say that history is written by the winners,” she muses wistfully, suddenly melancholic. “And for such a long time I thought I had been the winner, that I had succeeded in protecting Fodlan and could keep it from repeating the atrocities I witnessed by concealing what had caused them in the first place, so that mankind would never know how to do such things again.”

One look at Edelgard tells Rhea her prolonged quietness isn’t for no reason. She’s listening with attentively to Rhea’s words, holding her breath as Rhea pauses, her eyes filled with emotion, with consideration and conflict as her own feelings war within herself to make sense of this grand and complex mess which covers centuries.

She taps Edelgard’s wrist again in comfort. “But you showed me how wrong I had been, it isn’t like that at all. No matter how much influence I had and how powerful I was, I cannot be everywhere at once,” she admits her mistake with sadness, but also acceptance and acknowledgement. “And just like I how tried to control both the past and the future so did other people, for their own reasons. Good or evil, right or wrong reasons, it’s irrelevant, people just want to be in control of their own lives.”

She tightens her hold on Edelgard’s wrist and turns slightly to face her as her other hand latches onto the fabric of Edelgard’s clothes just above her knee as her own feelings are threatening to interfere with her ability to speak.

“I wanted to control Fodlan only to ensure peace, I swear that to you,” she almost pleads, sounding more desperate than she realized she was being. But it just seems impossible Edelgard would ever believe her.

“I know,” Edelgard tells her softly. “I know that now, but that’s not really how it works, isn’t it?” she smiles sadly.

“No, people don’t want to be controlled,” Rhea murmurs quietly, lowering her head. “They will always fight for their freedom and for what they believe in, no matter if it’s true or not. If I... if I hadn’t concealed so much hurt and pain people might have remembered what it was like… that that world wasn’t worth fighting for and that the world I created for them, however flawed it might be, was better than what they –what you- thought it could be changed into with force and violence.”

She realizes how derogative her words might sound, as if Edelgard or anyone else is beneath her. “It isn’t as if I know any better, as if I’m superior, or anything such as that… but I’ve _seen_ what happens, I’ve been there. The pain and suffering and death on such a mass scale, and the cruelty… I just couldn’t let that happen again. I had to keep the world stable and prevent the people from reaching such a future again, at least not without my Mother present in the world again. I couldn’t do it on my own.”

Edelgard bites her lip and seems conflicted. “You still didn’t have the right to conceal so much, to lie and stop Fodlan from developing at all, you took the future of so many,” she says bitterly but not harsh, and with a hint of doubt.

“No, I didn’t, and I was wholly inadequate to do so,” Rhea admits. She had always been aware of that painful truth, even when it all began all those years ago. “But it was still my duty to do so, even if it meant doing something horrible, even if it meant I’d end up a villain of Fodlan.” She could never do what her Mother had done, protect, guide and save Fodlan, but she could maybe keep it in a shape that she could oversee until her Mother would return and take things over from her again, as the one rightful Goddess of humankind.

But the years started passing, decades, centuries, and her Mother didn’t return.

More years passed and Rhea had begun to try and discover ways to bring the Goddess back herself. Theories turning into experiments. Hope turning into despair.

And now over a thousand years into the future, the world still in the stalemate Rhea had imposed on Fodlan, forbidding it to grow and develop into something wholly beyond her ability to control.

And still there is no sign of her Mother returning.

“All this time…” Edelgard mutters, gazing blankly in front of her. “All this time I couldn’t figure out what it was you wanted, what motivated you to control and regulate Fodlan so much under the guise of the Church, to keep it in this deadlock of perpetual struggling. It plagued me, you know. I kept thinking what your goal was, what you were trying to achieve.”

Her eyes spring to live with purpose again and she looks at Rhea. “But not even once did I wonder what caused you to do so in the first place, what you were feeling when you decided your path.”

The answer to that isn’t a difficult one for Rhea. “Desperation,” she admits. “It wasn’t even my decision to follow this path, at least that’s what I wholeheartedly believed back then. It felt as if it was thrust upon me, as one of the last survivors of a massacre, as a Child of the Goddess who had dedicated her life to humanity. I couldn’t just flee to live in seclusion. Fodlan was completely fractured, there was no control, balance or order. People with far too much power roamed the lands to pillage what they could get, others holed up in castles that weren’t rightfully theirs, trying to exert their power from there, safely behind impenetrable walls. And millions of people were sucked into that chaos, desperately trying to survive, lacking the certainty to build up anything to keep themselves safe, while trying to avoid being subjected, abused and forced to turn against one another by forces they couldn’t stand up to.”

Edelgard had been listening quietly as Rhea’s voice got progressively more stale and hollow as she spoke,

A wistful sigh escapes her lips and she has to make an effort not to get lost in her memories and the emotions that accompany them.

“The lands needed to be unified somehow, a common force among the people that could serve as a basis for laws, structure, stability and peace,” she says and it’s almost a mantra to her now, to remind herself why she did everything.

It calms her slightly, as some of the guilt slips of off her. “The people needed something to believe in, to give them hope and purpose, a future to work for. And while the Goddess had been slaughtered they knew Saint Seiros still lived.”

“And so you founded the Church, to give the people a set of rules and morals and social structure they could use to steadily bring back balance to the lands,” Edelgard finishes soberly. “Out of desperation.”

“Yes, and I know I was weak and did so many things wrong, that I had no idea how to do it properly,” she stills and her voice is quiet, barely above a whisper as she continues, too ashamed to say the things aloud which have troubled her for so long. “I’m drowning in my guilt and I’m riddled with sin and yet I cannot stop, cannot make amends… I would apologize but I don’t that what I’ve done is something one even can apolo-”

“No,” Edelgard interrupts her. “No apologies, it’s not needed. You did many things wrong yes, your system damaged so many lives… But you were just desperate and unequipped to do the right thing, yet still you tried, you might have done many things which were far from right but your intentions were right.”

The almost simple way in how Edelgard seems to paint her past in an acceptable light, despite how the younger woman has blamed and hated her for it for so many years is difficult for Rhea to understand. “You truly feel that way?” she asks with conflicted wonder. “You spend most of your life resenting me for what I did and now you forgive me so easily?”

“No, that’s not what I was saying. I don’t forgive you,” Edelgard responds, her voice distant, cold but not bitter or accusing, still it fills Rhea with dread. “But I cannot blame you either, because that would make me a hypocrite.” The coldness in her voice isn’t gone but Rhea can hear the tremble of emotion in it.

“A hypocrite?” she questions.

Edelgard stays silent for a moment longer, exhaling slowly. “What you said about yourself. That you saw it as your duty, and that you would do horrible things, even become the villain of Fodlan, if it meant doing what you were convinced was right… that was me as well.”

She shifts slightly against Rhea’s side, making aware how rigid the other woman’s body is feeling, tense yet Rhea feels a shiver running through the body against her. She doesn’t meet Rhea’s eyes, staring numbly at the ceiling instead, and her voice is hollow when she speaks. “I had committed myself to sacrificing everything in order to create a better future from the beginning. And…and that’s what I have done. My classmates, my friends, and countless soldiers who sacrificed their life for a goal they didn’t understand ordered by a woman they didn’t know. I sacrificed my own future and in the end even myself. I told myself over and over again that it was worth it, that the lasting peace my war would bring was worth all this temporary suffering and death. That the future was worth my death, most of all.”

She laughs shortly, it sounds empty and bitter. “I suppose I’ll never know if it was worth it if I had succeeded in creating that future, but seeing as… as I failed I can say with certainty it wasn’t worth it.”

Edelgard glances at the ceiling, yet her eyes are too distant to look at anything in particular.

“At first I thought I would be able to take it, that I was prepared for the deeds I had committed myself to enact many years before I had to.” Her lips morph into a bitter grimace. “Believe me, I was jolted out of that illusion fairly quickly. Still, I thought I would go numb soon enough, that I could make myself go numb and be as pragmatic as I needed to be.” Her eyes turn as hollow as her voice. “I never thought it was possible to kill so much of yourself before actually dying.”

Rhea feels her heart ache and the accompanying feeling of powerlessness that comes with it is tough to bear. She fiercely wishes she could say anything to Edelgard that could take away her pain, to comfort her, but she’s well acquainted with the losses that come with war. The parts of yourself you have to kill to keep on going, to keep on killing without going insane or succumb to horror, despair and guilt.

When she glances over at Edelgard she seems not quite mentally present. Her eyes are empty and staring at nothing, she doesn’t seem to be aware of her surroundings, or even her own body, stuck too deep in her internal turmoil, feeling around and seeing the parts of her that she has lost, yet still aware of the echo they left, a faint glimmer of what she once was, or could have become.

She can’t think of anything to say, it’s just all too much for both of them to cope with. She reaches out her hand to brush a lock of stray hair behind Edelgard’s ear. Not that it’s needed, in here Edelgard keeps her hair unruly and hardly ever behind her ear, but it’s the only excuse Rhea can come up with to touch her in some desperate way to comfort her.

Before her hand even touches the strand of hair Edelgard stirs, there is a look of recognition in her eyes as they dart to the movement in the corner of her vision and instantly she seems to be aware of herself again, turning her head to look at Rhea with newfound clarity.

“I should stop dwelling so much on the past and of what could have been,” she mutters, yet not sounding all that troubled. “All it does is plague me and distracts me with useless emotions.” Her brows furrow in frustration. “I’m perfectly fine as I am,” she huffs. “You’ve put a lot of effort in convincing me to believe that. That I’m not incomplete, that I’m not _lacking._ ” She still sounds frustrated but nonetheless she seems relieved as some of the tension seeps out of her body.

Her words are incredibly comforting and meaningful to Rhea. It reassures her in such a deep way that she’s convinced Edelgard has no clue of just how much. But it’s an utter relief to her that at least in some way she got through to Edelgard, made her feel better, more at peace with herself. _Whole._

“I’m glad you feel that way, and that I was of some help to you,” she murmurs affectionately. “Still, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel pain or regret. I’m not telling you to dwell on the things that plague your mind, but the fact that they are part of you doesn’t make you incomplete or hollow, even those feelings are part of life,” she tells her gently yet firm. “Don’t repress it, I can speak from experience that doing so only makes things worse in the end,” she adds sheepishly.

Edelgard smiles at her. “Thank you.” A mirthful glint appears in her eyes. “You know, for someone who is known to be so impulsive and who comes with a myriad of anger issues you are fairly competent in helping other people deal with their feelings,” she says, jokingly gently.

Rhea scoffs, then smiles in amusement. “Courtesy of my longevity, I suppose. I’ve seen and felt many feelings, you end up noticing certain patterns, such as the ways people’s feelings hold them back, fallacies they fall for because they can’t process the feelings that came with something that happened,” she explains. “Also, very little people are aware of my _impulsiveness_ and _anger issues,_ as you insist on calling them. So while I won’t deny I’m guilty of having such traits you in turn can’t deny I’m good at hiding them.”

Edelgard makes a low sound of disagreement. “Fine,” she admits. “I can’t deny you’re sly like that.”

Not the way Rhea would word it, it could be framed in a much more positive light, she thinks, but it’ll do.

She realizes her hand is still halfway in the air, lowered during their conversation, reaching out to Edelgard, and tentatively she s moves her hand ahead to brush the white strand of hair behind Edelgard’s ear and when the girl shivers slightly and lets out a soft appreciative hum Rhea moves her hand to gently brush through her hair instead, starting behind her ear and moving her fingers gently across her skin all the way up to the crown of Edelgard’s head and then down to where her hairline ends. She feels soft shivers course through Edelgard's body where their bodies touch and the girl breathes out a content yet shaky sigh.

Edelgard closes her eyes. “Your touch always feels so nice,” she murmurs hazily and this time Rhea feels a shiver moving through her own spine.

“Hmm,” is all she can respond with, too enthralled with touching Edelgard.

She loses herself in the motion for a while, her own thoughts hazy as she finds comfort and calmness in touching Edelgard so gently.

A soft tug on her sleeve jolts Rhea gently from her daze, when she searches for Edelgard’s eyes she’s met with a tentative look, as if she’s hesitation to speak.

“Come,” she says simply. “Let’s get more comfortable and rest our backs against the wall,” She frowns and there is a hint of discomfort in her voice. “I want to get under the blanket, I’m getting so cold, my feet touching this annoyingly cold stone floor isn’t helping at all either,” she adds, grumbling slightly.

Guilt wriggles its way into Rhea’s heart as she watches Edelgard scramble backwards towards the wall ahead of Rhea. She should have been more considerate, should have noticed she’s dressed much more warmly and actually wearing shoes, while Edelgard is in a plain dress and physically weakened and exhausted.

But all she was thinking about was her own feelings. She needs to change her perspective, she hates how the way her emotions overwhelm her so much does in deed make her selfish.

Silently vowing to do better, she follows Edelgard’s movements, turning her body to the side and lifts herself backwards until she too is leaning against the stone wall.

Edelgard reaches for the blanket, tugging it a few times to slip it free from where it had been laying underneath their legs and moves to drape it over their legs and waists instead.

As Edelgard meticulously smoothens out the blanket Rhea considers another way she can make Edelgard more comfortable. Leaning slightly forward she tugs of the sleeves of both her arms with the other hand and pulls the vest she was wearing from where it pooled at her back until she holds the bundle of red in her arms. Edelgard only notices once she seems satisfied with her precise placement of the blanket and her brows furrow in a puzzling look.

Suddenly feeling awkward Rhea somewhat rigidly thrusts the bundle towards Edelgard, holding it in front of the woman’s chest. “Here,” she says roughly, wincing inwardly as it sounds more like a demand than an offering. “To wear,” she adds and immediately berates herself for adding such useless information. What else would Edelgard do with it?

Heavens Rhea, get it together.

Edelgard stares hard at the bundle of vest for a long moment, blinking slowly several times, then looking up and looking for Rhea’s eyes with her own, her expression unsure. “For me?” she asks, as if she’s scared she’s misinterpreting the gesture and will rudely snatch Rhea’s vest from her without being allowed to.

Insecurity strikes Rhea as well, she can’t remember the last time she offered a piece of her own clothing for someone else to wear, it’s been several centuries at least. The opportunity never arose, as she was the person with the highest authority wherever she went and nearly always in her various official and sacred Church attires. Those weren’t just impractical to simply take off and hand over to someone –as it left her quite bare- no one would ever accept a piece of clothing from the _Archbishop,_ especially as her clothing was regarded as sacred. No, they’d rather freeze to death.

Nervously she wonders if somewhere during the past centuries the act of giving someone your clothes to wear had gained an underlying meaning. She feels her heart beat rapidly in her chest. What if she had just grossly offended Edelgard? Or worse, what if she just proposed to her? The symbolic interactions between the nobility, both incredibly rigid and formal yet also always rapidly changing sometimes eluded her as it was hard to keep up with the numerous endlessly changing and seemingly insignificant gestures that ended up having a grand meaning. She knows the underlying meanings behind gestures regarding to _her._ But she was in a rather unique position, far removed from the complexity of the nobility who squabbled with each other daily.

No longer able to bear being stuck in this awkward stalemate, Rhea forces herself to continue.

“I…I don’t want you to be cold, so I thought it would help if you’d wear it,” she says, wishing her sudden nerves weren’t so apparent in her voice. “It will help. Against the cold I mean,” she adds, stating the obvious rather lamely. “If you want to…” she mutters awkwardly after Edelgard stays silent for a moment longer, still looking at a loss.

When Edelgard remains silent for another eternity, which were two seconds in reality, Rhea promptly loses her courage.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to be rude, I just wante-”

“ _Rude?”_ Edelgard repeats, saying the word as if the mere notion is incredulous to her. “How could you think that such a thing would be rude?” Her cheeks fluster and while she still looks insecure a small vulnerable smile blossoms on her lips. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I got your intention right,” she admits clumsily. “I think this might be the first time in my life someone offered me their clothes for comfort,” she murmurs softly.

Now it’s Rhea’s turn to blink in confusion, which Edelgard notices instantly. “I mean I always had a habit of overdressing, for obvious reasons,” she explains tentatively, a slight edge in her voice. “And while I’m sure my soldiers and knights would have gladly offered their Emperor a piece of their clothing if my clothing got damaged or the weather suddenly changed… well I just made sure the convoy that always accompanied me whenever I was on the road carried plenty of replacement clothing for me.” A bitter look flashes over her face and for a moment her eyes turn dark. “It was important to me that I was in control of what I looked like, if others –enemies, generals, villagers, anyone really- would see me leading an envoy or army in mismatched clothing, or worse, something unsuitable for an Emperor, even as princess, before… I hated the thought. My clothes controlled how the world saw me and if I would look mismatched, imperfect, they’d think I was imperfect too. That I had failed, that I had emotions.”

Rhea’s heart aches. Leave it to Edelgard to use clothing as a form of self-defense, a display of strength and perfection to such an extreme level.

She can’t suppress a smile, however, as the feeling is strikingly familiar. “I would have conflicted thoughts about harboring such a persistent habit but I have to admit I’m guilty of doing exactly the same,” she confesses, smiling sheepishly.

Edelgard seems relieved, the darkness in her eyes caused by the strain of her memories gone and she grins in return. “I was well aware of the lengths I went through, it felt like a burden and I often wondered if it was a sign I wasn’t functioning… well, normal,” she mutters, turning her head away before suddenly turning to face Rhea again with a rushed look in her eyes. “That wasn’t an insult, it’s simply a relief to hear someone else, -someone as strong as you- is also guilty of doing such an outlandish thing to protect themselves,” she says, looking mildly embarrassed.

“Also I was worried I was missing some kind of important underlying meaning,” Edelgard says awkwardly. “I hardly ever got to interact with anyone in a more casual way. It was always Princess this and Emperor that, it left my knowledge of most social gestures fairly underdeveloped, anything besides how to conduct conversation with nobility and military effectively, that is,” Edelgard explains and laughs quietly at herself.

“There wasn’t, I assure you,” Rhea tells her, relieved she wasn’t the only one clueless about certain social gestures.

Both of them simultaneously become aware that Rhea’s hands carrying her vest are still hovering in front of Edelgard’s chest and instantly they’re both equally amused as embarrassed by this fact.

“I suppose I could use some extra warmth,” Edelgard murmurs, “and the comfort.”

Tentatively she reaches for the vest with her hand before suddenly jerking back as if startled.

Wide, frightened eyes meet Rhea’s confused own. “If it’s still alright, I mean… I don’t want to impose…” she says softly and slightly apprehensive.

Rhea’s heart feels like bursting, causing an uncontrollable smile to appear on her lips, and she all but thrusts the vest against Edelgard’s chest, who quickly darts for it with her own hands. “Take it, please. I want you to,” Rhea insists urgently.

The fear dissipates from Edelgard’s features and with reddened cheeks and an almost innocent looking happy smile she carefully holds out the vest in front of her, angling it until it aligns with her body before she wraps it around herself. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world Rhea helps her reach her arms through the sleeves, ensuring the loose fabric of the white dress underneath stays in place, she’s not doing it because either of them believe Edelgard really needs the help, but they both find comfort in the idea of Rhea making something slightly easier for her.

“Very comfortable,” Edelgard murmurs happily. The sleeves are slightly too long but instead of simply pulling them up and letting them pool around her wrists she deliberately lets the sleeves cover her hands and fingers, even curling her fingers around the end so the sleeves are fully closed around her hands.

“The muted reds of the vest looks good on you,” Rhea tells her, a fond reminder of all the red Edelgard always wore.

“Thanks, they really add to all the muted whites I currently have going for me,” Edelgard jokes bluntly yet still looks happy, with slightly reddened cheeks and a small smile.

Comfort settles between them once more, giving Edelgard enough incentive again to curl herself up and lean against Rhea, head on her shoulder, knees over Rhea’s outstretched legs, one arm curled around Rhea’s elbow and the other placed delicately on her lap, hand still fully hidden in the sleeve.

“We’re a bit of a social disaster aren’t we?” she hums mischievously.

“Huh?” Rhea responds, both curious and wonder what kind of embarrassing thing Edelgard is about to accuse her –well, the both of them- of.

Edelgard laughs. “Making such an awkward fuss over such a simple act.”

“Oh, yes. I overthought that to needless amount,” Rhea agrees. “I too was momentarily terrified that I had missed some sort of underlying meaning in offering someone to wear my clothes,” she hums, amused and slightly embarrassed by her needless worry.

She hears a graceless but mirthful snort coming from the head leaning on her shoulder. “Goddess, being a figure of authority is so hilariously odd,” Edelgard laughs. “Everyone treats you like you are this wise infallible being who knows everything and steers the future of the land as well as guides their people, yet if we were to mingle among those very people who look up to us we’d be utterly clueless and awkward as to how to act like a normal person.”

Rhea scoffs, her pride mildly offended by the, truthfully not that unrealistic, accusation. “I’m confident in my conversation skills,” she insists. “I’m sure I could win their favor with my charm and kindness.”

“Yes, but when they see you as _Archbishop_ ,” Edelgard retorts. She makes an amused noise. “But imagine this, the both of us attending some kind of market in a village, looking completely inconspicuous and blending in perfectly with the other people, no one would recognize us.” She stills and laughs. “We’d be a disaster, we’d act so out of place that I’m confident we’d be politely but firmly escorted out of the village before nightfall, if not outright detained in a cell, apprehended for suspicious behavior.”

“I feel you are not doing my natural skills in getting away with things enough justice,” Rhea mopes. “I assure you I can be charming, flexible and eloquent enough to navigate a simple _market._ ”

“Oh, I have no doubt about the credibility of your skills. But what about the practical things? Do you know how to haggle? Doing it wrong can be very offensive, you know.” Edelgard tells her pointedly, sounding less than humble. “And not doing it at all is also weird, it makes you look naïve or like a rich snob. And as soon as that rumor spreads every vendor won’t leave you be.” She chuckles to herself. “Oh, Goddess, I don’t even think either of us know the general prices of every day goods. I hardly ever touched coins as an Emperor. I mean I know the value of each individual coin, but I also know that commoners often come up with their own words for all the different coins.”

Edelgard has a point there, Rhea has to admit to herself. She’s not very… _practical._ She can picture herself attempting to haggle –which she indeed knows very little about- and end up as equally angry as the vendor –if not even angrier. And the coins… Yes, she underestimated her lack of knowledge that is required for such things.

“I suppose I see what you mean, I don’t think I’d mingle in very well with charms alone,” she admits.

Edelgard hums. “Neither would I. It’s not just the practical things either. Social position is important, even among commoners. So on the matter of these ‘charms’ of yours, they could be problematic. Such as how we, as two unmarried women –they will subtly be looking for rings- ought to treat unmarried men and married men differently. I admit I’m rather clueless on such matters myself, but I am certain that your skill in charming people will either get you chased by an angry wife or an unwanted yet persistently deluded suitor.”

Rhea can picture such a thing happen, it does seem like a realistic outcome, now that Edelgard told her of some of the problems they’d stumble across. She has little experience with interacting with people who don’t’ see her as a figure of authority whom they treat with respect. With nervous amusement she considers that it’s likely she’s so used to being treated as such that being treated as anything different will baffle her, if not outright offend her, as it would come across as unexpectedly rude to her. She can’t imagine some man thinking he can pursue her because she smiled one time too many at him. Oh yes, she would probably end up hitting him, fist against his jaw. Or snarl and express her rage at his transgression, loud yet eloquently. No, she doesn’t think the local guards would appreciate that.

Not that that would be a problem, she could take them on without breaking a sweat.

….

Alright, she understands Edelgard now, if she fights the guards and beats them within a few seconds the entire village would likely break into a panic.

“I… I suppose I’ll continue to rely on servants to fetch anything I need from markets,” she says dryly.

“Hmm, we are like birds in a gilded cage,” Edelgard hums wistfully. “Served only the best, with everything we’d want at our fingertips, yet never allowed to be free.”

Something painful wedges in her heart at the way Edelgard formulates it, but mulling over doesn’t feel quite justified. “It’s a burden yes,” she agrees. “But I think you’ll have difficulty finding even a single commoner who would feel pity for our plight.”

“Wise words,” Edelgard laughs softly. “Which is why I had never complained about it to anyone until now.”

“I’m honored be considered worthy of being a recipient to your complaining,” Rhea grins.

Edelgard makes a sound of amusement but doesn’t respond with anything more.

Instead a comfortable silence falls over the two of them for a short while, until Edelgard comes up with another question.

“You said you lived as a Dragon for a long time before you started turning on a human form, right?”

“Yes, it was my original form, the one that was natural for me, and I lived in it for a few centuries.”

“What was that like?” Edeglard asks her curiously. “Taking on a new form I mean. Must have been strange.”

“Oh, it was absolutely dreadful,” Rhea instantly responds exasperatedly, suddenly mentally jolted back far into her past. “You have _no_ idea. Walking on four legs is so much easier, it’s nearly impossible to lose balance and fall over, really. But _humans,_ ” she all but sneers. “Two legs. And so impractically long too. It felt as even just a slight breeze would topple me over. And I didn’t even have my tail to help redirect my weight, or my wings to steady myself. It was infuriating. Not to mention I was suddenly so slow and tiny, couldn’t even fly if I needed to cross a great distance. Suddenly mountains, rivers? Huge obstacles,” she huffs in frustration.

Beside her Edelgard had started to look increasingly amused as Rhea went on and now promptly breaks into unreserved giggling.

It slightly offends Rhea as she feels her pride crumble. “I’m glad you find so much amusement in my suffering.”

“I’m sorry,” Edelgard responds, still giggling. “It’s just so weird to imagine. Such a powerful and gigantic being, and also just you in general, always so wise, graceful and calm struggling with _walking_. I can already picture it, you wildly flailing your arms around, screaming as you try to remain upright.”

Rhea softens a little, also seeing the hilarity in how odd it must seem. It _was_ odd. And she secretly feels happy Edeglard considers her wise, graceful and calm.

(And yes, she did scream quite a lot of times when she was first practicing how to walk properly.)

“Well, we all have to start somewhere,” she smiles. “Besides, it’s not like humans are any better, you’re practically useless when you’re born.”

“Alright, yes that’s fair,” Edelgard laughs lightheartedly. “Takes us over a year to walk properly, and then there’s talking any well… everything else. We’re… kind of slow,” she admits, with a fond smile.

Rhea graces her with an approving nod. “You are. Mankind’s growth is _so_ impractical. How humanity manages to survive is the biggest miracle on Fodlan,” she adds accusingly.

Edelgard merely raises her eyebrows, making her look slightly comically miffed, while she makes a disgruntled sound.

Rhea stifles a laugh at the girl’s admittedly, adorable reaction.

“Please don’t allow my accurate assessment of your anatomy trample on your feelings, it’s just an objective statement, don’t take it personal now.

Edelgard huffs in semi-faux annoyance, her eyes narrowing, making her look more irked than anything.

“Oh, that expression reminds me,” Rhea teases, much to Edelgard’s dismay who’s eyes narrow even more in suspicious. “Another thing we struggled with was emotions. I had them in my original form but those worked somewhat different, less of a physical reaction and more of a transcendent one. They made sense to me, I understood why I felt things, could predict how I’d react and consider my feelings with ease. I got used to them, so to say,” she explains and can’t help but smile and feel her heart throb when in an instant all annoyance fades from Edelgard’s expression to make way for her ever lingering eager curiosity.

“Human bodies have a much more… physical reaction to what they see, hear, understand, touch and that invokes feelings in them. That was… uncanny to say the least, it felt as if my feelings were continuously out of balance or telling me what to feel.. Someone would accidentally drop something on the floor a good few paces away and instantly I’d be startled, followed by anger at the sheer nerve of that person to drop something.”

“That seems excessive, yes,” Edelgard agrees, with a hint of pity among her amusement.

“You have no idea,” Rhea scoffs. “A Nabatean doesn’t really want for much, it’s not in our nature as we didn’t really have the survival instincts that any being on Fodlan comes with, we were supposed to be immortal, we didn’t need feelings and instincts to survive, only to understand. But humans _do._ Humans want everything. To own it, to collect it, to protect what’s theirs, to take it from others. They get so jealous. So I was suddenly bombarded by wanting all kinds of things that never even crossed my mind.”

“Like what?”

“Everything. Food, items I had no use for, places that were _mine._ Even though the places I’d chose were just something such as a nice spot to sit under a tree which I also had decided was now _my_ tree. It made no sense,” Rhea grumbles. “It was awful and it took a few years to finally find a balance, those uncomfortable human desires most of all,” she adds out of sheer frustration at the memories.

She can practically feel the exhilarated glee radiating from Edelgard, who looks at her with an expression that screams ‘ _I will not let that last bit go until you give me a thorough explanation’._

“Desires?” the girl hums curiously but sharp, her voice a vain attempt to sound perfectly innocent.

Rhea sighs, wishing she had introduced that topic in a slightly more delicate way before Edelgard could get her greedy little hands on the core of it in one fell swoop.

“Yes, desires. The _human_ kind.”

Edelgard’s grin widens. “You mean as in the human _on_ human kin-“

“ _Yes,_ Edelgard. That’s exactly what I meant, you do not have to spell it out.”

“But I like doing that… well either way, tell me. Did that work different in your Nabatean form? I uh… can imagine it did, I mean your whole body was different…. Wait, if you’re like a Wyvern of sorts then you _should_ have laid eggs, right?”

 _“Edelgard,”_ Rhea hisses and promptly elbows her lightly in the ribs. “If you ask me that _one_ more time I’ll find a way to make you regret it. I do. _Not._ Lay eggs.” Rhea tells her sternly, glaring as she does so.

The other woman seems to feel an ounce of genuine guilt, yet the ghost of a grin on her lips doesn’t do wonders for her credibility. “My apologies, I uh… was assuming again,” she says with slightly more sincerity. “Could you maybe explain the truth to me then? I’m genuinely curious. I’ll listen, I promise.”

To anyone else Rhea might remain offended, but the slightly flustered yet still hopeful expression on Edelgard’s face makes all annoyance in her evaporate. “Fine,” she sighs.

She takes a moment to consider how to explain this best.

“It didn’t work different from a human in my Nabatean form,” she starts. The questioning look from Edelgard quickly spurs her on. “I mean, it didn’t work different because it didn’t work at all.”

“Huh?”

“Hmm, you have to consider that we weren’t born like humans are. My Mother didn’t create us the human way, it was true what I said some time ago, that I don’t have a father, none of us had. Instead my Mother willed each of us into existence from a single drop of her blood, with our Nabatean form appearing in an instant.”

Wide eyed, Edelgard makes a sound of bewildered fascination. “That’s… she could truly create life so freely? I can barely grasp such a concept,” she says in genuine awe.

Hearing that from Edelgard causes a surge of happiness in Rhea. “Yes, perfect or not, my Mother truly was something special.”

“Mhm,” Edelgard hums in agreement.

“Either way, since our Mother…. well since she didn’t give birth to us herself, she didn’t see the purpose of give us the… necessary organs to be able to do so ourselves. We weren’t even meant to be able to create children as Nabateans. We were meant to live forever, not reproduce to create children to live on our stead.”

Uncertain Rhea glances over to Edelgard, who is still looking at her with eager interest, clearly hoping to learn more.

“Well, since we didn’t have any of the organs that could make children we didn’t have any of the… instincts and feelings that usually accompany such a thing. Would have been somewhat redundant, don’t you agree?” she asks, hoping to strafe the subject into less awkward territory.

“Yes that would seem a bit frustrating,” Edelgard agrees with amusement. “It’s hard to imagine though, living without… all of that. And even more so to suddenly have all of that, must have been very strange.” She looks at Rhea as if she’s trying to imagine what it would feel like. “More uncomfortable than strange even, I think.”

An age old frustration suddenly reignites in Rhea, along with memories she had purposely repressed and she finds herself ranting about it before she’s truly putting much consideration in her words. “You have _no_ idea,” she groans. “You humans have it so easy when it comes to those instincts and desires, you get _years_ to slowly grow into them and even then you have friends and peers to talk about it and books and most important, adults to tell you what it means, what you should do and most of all what you _shouldn’t_ do,” she vents, getting more passionate about her ancient struggles with each passing moment.

“But we? We suddenly looked and –for the most part- thought like fully functioning human _adults,_ without anyone every explaining to us the finer details.” She turns to face Edelgard, her frustration getting the better of her. “You can’t imagine how _weird_ it is to find yourself looking at a human –a being which for so long you were supposed to guide and oversee as a part of an entire species- and suddenly be overwhelmed with the need to… to,” she feels herself fluster for what she’s about to say, but it’s just the only way to word how she felt at the time. “Well, to _breed,_ ” she finishes flatly.

The word has barely left her lips before Edelgard bursts into laughter. Loud, uncontrollable and bordering on manic laughter. She slaps her hand on the bed out of sheer amusement and struggles breathing coherently. _“Breeding,”_ she wheezes, sounding less than graceful. “Oh, Seiros, that’s just _beautiful,”_ she laughs, and Rhea idly watches as tears begin to well up in her eyes, feeling unsure if she should get offended at Edelgard’s enjoyment at her awkward predicament in her early days as human or just laugh along with her.

She feels herself smiling already, either way, along with reddened cheeks.

Her hand finds the bridge of her nose, slightly pinching it as she leans into it, now understanding the comfort Seteth always seems to find in the gesture. “Well, I’m at least one of us can see the hilarity of my uncomfortable misunderstanding of human emotions,” she mumbles, the fondness in her voice betraying her attempt to sound somewhat serious.

Edelgard remains laughing for another good few seconds until she regains her bearings enough to speak again. “I’m sorry,” she says, straining herself not to laugh again. “I know it must have been horrible and strange for you but it just sounds so funny.” Her attempt at self-restrain wavers and she needs another moment to get her laughing under control again.

A knowing glint lights up in her eyes, along with an almost evil grin, much to Rhea’s dismay. “So, did you?”

Rhea really doesn’t want to go along with this question, knowing it will lead to somewhere bad.

She sighs. “Did I what, Edelgard?”

The girl wriggles her eyebrows, amusement plastered all over her face. “You know…. _breed,”_ she grins.

Ah, and she’s laughing again. More quiet and mirthful compared to the loud and uncontrollable hysterics she was stuck in moments ago, but still.

Rhea feels way too uncomfortable remembering this particular memory that she cannot find it in her to react impulsively out of embarrassment anymore.

Instead she opts for a more objective retelling, to keep her emotions out of it.

“No Edelgard, of course I didn’t,” she mutters almost sternly, her cheeks red. “I didn’t even know _how_ to do such a thing, it was just an instinct, an urge which I couldn’t make sense of. Such a thing doesn’t really come with a nice and practical step by step manual, now does it?”

Edelgard is very grateful for her ‘objective retelling’ and soon more tears are rolling down her cheeks.

“Then what did you do?” she manages to get out after willing her voice back under her control and now thankfully keeps her laughter mostly silent and to a minimum.

“Well, none of us really knew what to do with it and we had the vague notion that we probably shouldn’t ask any humans. So I went to my Mother to ask for an explanation as to what these feelings and urges meant to us and what to do with the,” Rhea tells her. It had really been the only option at the time, and their Mother knew much more about humans than they ever did, so it was a normal thing to- _oh._

If Rhea thought Edelgard was having a field day with the ‘ _breeding’_ part then she’ll now have to come up with a new word to describe what kind of internal party day the girl is having with whatever weird inappropriate thing she must have clearly said just now.

Because Edelgard looks like someone whose sole passion in life is gossiping and they just stumbled upon the scoop of the century. Or like one of those hunting dogs, drooling as they’re about to bite into something and will not let go until it’s completely devoured.

She isn’t even laughing, although she’s clearly struggling not to. Instead her eyes are wide as sauces and filled with glee, while her mouth is slightly agape in an almost evil smirk.

She looks like a child, one who is incredibly impatient and desperately wants to tell a bad joke.

“…Do you have something to share, Edelgard?” Rhea says dispassionately. Might as well get it over with quickly.

“You…” Edelgard manages to say, only to wheeze on another bout of laughter, then it takes her about two seconds to force her voice back under control, grinning all the while. “You went to your Mother to ask her to help you,” she wheezes, yet steadily trudges on, “because you were feeling _horny.”_ She chokes on the last word -a small mercy for Rhea’s reddening ears- and manages to keep her _irksome noises down_ to gigging for a whole three seconds before she loses herself to uncontrollable laughter again.

Rhea growls, out of anger, embarrassment and quite a few other feelings she can’t bother naming right now. Yet Edelgard doesn’t seem to care, she’s practically howling at this point, tears rolling down her cheek.

The sight softens Rhea somewhat yet still she feels the need to bite back. “There are _several_ ways to word how those events transpired and you just _had_ to pick the one that sounds the worst out of all the possible options,” she snarls, her voice low and her cheeks too flustered to come across as even remotely believable angry.

“I’m confident I can come up with a worse one,” Edelgard grins, her laughing now simmering down into a more free kind of chuckling.

Rhea is done with words and resorts to a very frustrated groan coming from deep inside her throat.

The other woman takes a few slow and deep breaths out of her own volition until she has managed to edge herself way from constantly bordering on bursting into laughter.

“I’m sorry,” she say, still panting slightly but having calmed herself down sufficiently. “I haven’t laughed this much in… in forever I think. I couldn’t even stop it,” she adds, her cheeks red and a very happy smile on her face.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats, now sounding slightly guilty, “I meant no offense, it’s just-”

“Please, don’t apologize, my dear,” Rhea reassures her. “I’ll admit it was truly disconcerting at the time but you just taught me that in hindsight it was kind of funny,” she grins and chuckles. “And seeing you laugh so freely without a care in the world is a precious sight to me.”

Now Edelgard truly flusters and her smile turns more tender, vulnerable, a sight which makes her only more adorable to Rhea, although she wisely keeps that to herself.

“I... uhm, thank you,” she murmurs while glancing at her lap. Then she looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes. “So what did your Mother tell you? You seem knowledgeable enough these days,” she adds with a cheeky grin. “I won’t laugh, I promise …unless maybe it’s something even more awkward and hilarious, but I’ll try.” She nods seriously, evoking a smile from Rhea.

“My Mother also wasn’t very well versed in the more social matters when it came to human procreation,” Rhea starts and catches a glance from Edelgard that says ‘ _you’re deliberately trying to make me break my promise here.’_ As she struggles to keep her amusement limited to a polite giggle.

“Well, to put it simple, she gathered enough information to tell us what we absolutely should not do, used her magic to ensure we wouldn’t accidently create children should we slip up and very _very_ sternly told us that if we wished to engage in such activities with humans we had to abide by their rules and customs and spend a good few years living closely among them to ensure we had a basic understanding of exactly what it entailed and the appropriate circumstances under which it was considered acceptable to do.”

Edelgard is still amused by Rhea’s explanation, but in a much more fond and fascinated way. “You make it sound as if it is some complex mating ritual between animal.”

“Well, isn’t it? I mean I know some people get drunk in taverns and pick up a stranger for the night, but courtship and even everything leading up to marriage between commoners is a kind of mating ritual, when it comes down to it,” Rhea muses out loud.

“Hmm, that’s not a nice way to think about such matters,” Edelgard says while making a sour expression. “But on the other hand, it’s pretty funny to do so as well,” she shrugs and grins once more. “I’m glad you figured out our ‘complex mating rituals’ Seiros,” she jokes. “I hope it ended up feeling normal to you at some point.”

“In the end it did, yes,” Rhea agrees. “But even now recalling those things I said and did makes me feel so humiliated,” she sighs, suddenly aware how exposed she feels.

A hand taps her shoulder lightly. “Every human makes humiliating mistakes, but it’s just that most of us have the luck that we do them while we’re still children, so we don’t even really realize we did something humiliating or the adults just teach us how to do things properly, without faulting us.” Edelgard reassures her gently and lightly squeezes her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Rhea tells her, the relief and warmth she feels present in her voice. “It was a bit hectic in the early days, I’ll admit,” she laughs quietly.

Edelgard squeezes her shoulder again and makes a noncommittal noise, almost as if she’s considering something.

A short moment later she speaks up.

“If it’s of any consolation, I uh, I got caught once,” she murmurs with a hint of awkwardness.

“Caught?” Rhea asks, not understanding the meaning until she faces Edelgard and see the blush and guilty expression on her face. “Oh…with someone?” she asks, suddenly confused and unexpectedly fiercely jealous.

“No, not with someone… just _by_ someone,” Edelgard mutters forcibly, now flustering even more.

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” the girl echoes and then takes a deep breath, steeling herself to bring her story to the light. “I was fifteen, in my first year at Garreg Mach.” She meets Rhea’s eyes and suddenly she seems small, unsure of herself. “You have to understand that after my incarceration and with the way I felt about my body I was rather… behind when it came to knowledge about such things,” she explains tentatively.

Rhea notices the tension creeping into her posture and moves her free arm to gently rub circles on her back, while her hand on Edelgard’s wrists begins drawing patterns again with a sliver of magic in them. The effect is immediate, Edelgard exhales softly and her body becomes visibly less tense.

“You don’t have to share this if it makes you uncomfortable,” Rhea tells her, unsure why Edelgard seemed so intent on sharing it in the first place.

Edelgard shakes her head and a determined expression settles on her features, along with an amused grin. “No, I want to share. Trust me, the ending is hilarious, I just need to explain it from the start for you to understand the whole thing,” she insists.

Rhea nods, yet keeps both her hands on Edelgard just in case.

“Either way, no matter how far I was behind, frankly it’s impossible to avoid the topic altogether when you are continuously surrounded by classmates your age who joke and whisper about little else whenever they get the chance.”

Well, so much for turning unruly youngsters into virtuous, pious adults, Rhea begrudgingly muses to herself. Then again, like she’s one to talk, given recent circumstances.

 _Hypocrite,_ she inwardly chides herself.

“Well, I uh, I got curious too, eventually,” Edelgard continues, unsure and clearly having to make an effort to keep going. “So I tried… you know, touching myself. I wasn’t very good at it I think, I was mostly just exploring, at that point I didn’t even know how to, uhm… _finish_ myself.” She’s wording everything so clumsy and seems so uncharacteristically prude it does things to Rhea’s heart.

Edelgard takes another deep breath. “But, ehrm, the fourth time I was ‘exploring’ Hubert made an entrance… in the way Hubert does.”

Her eyes narrow and she sneers, “That stealthy, lanky oaf, he got a kick out of sneaking up on people, even when it wasn’t necessary, so even on me. He would never tell me so but it was written all over his face whenever he succeeded,” she scoffs.

Rhea can recall Hubert with only two expressions, his default ‘blank but still displeased’ and his ‘beyond displeased with a hint of smugness’. But to Edelgard his nuanced expressions must have been an open book, with how close the two of them were.

Still, Rhea thinks she knew Hubert well enough that secretly sneaking into Edelgard’s dormitory room for such a thing seems very much unlike something he’d do.

“He snuck into your room to peek?”

Edelgard’s eyes widen. “What? No, just to fact check some important papers with me about… you know, our progress to start our rebellion,” she says awkwardly and flusters. “Anyway, that’s not important right now,” she continues hastily, much Rhea’s relief. “No, he had the key to my door, for convenience sake, and he truly was good at sneaking up on people. Even without trying to be sneaky his footsteps barely made a sound, he generally moved around silently,” Edelgard explains much more delicately now.

She looks down at her legs again and exhales softly, as she fidgets with her free hand on a crumpled patch of her dress.

When she meets Rhea’s eyes again she’s smiling again. “I want to say ‘promise you won’t laugh’ but I’m telling you this story with the intent to make you laugh so uhm… promise not to make too much fun of me then,” she tells Rhea with a hint of shyness among her anticipation.

“I’ll try my best,” Rhea teases and promptly receives a low grumble in response.

“Alright so, about the fourth time I was… exploring myself he silently entered my room, as he’d usually do, and I think he just briefly glanced into my direction to confirm I was there before focusing on the papers he had with him and made his way to me. And I wasn’t doing it very… obvious or anything. I was clothed and just had my hand down my shorts, I wasn’t even making any noise.”

Her blushes deepens and a giggle escapes her mouth.

“I hadn’t heard nor seen him approach, my focus was somewhere else, as you can understand” she says sheepishly. “But he hadn’t noticed what I was doing either, until he was right there at the foot of my bed. My room was dark and I _really_ wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings so I still didn’t notice him… but when he stood there and looked at me he finally _did_ catch onto what I had been doing…. what I was _still_ doing,” she trails off and puts her hand over her eyes.

“He had to deliberately make a noise, Seiros,” she groans into her hand. “He coughed out loud, _awkwardly_.”

“Oh dear,” Rhea hums with barely concealed amusement.

“Yes… I froze instantly, and my first thought was that I was in danger but when my eyes fell on him and I recognized the dark shape as _Hubert_ , it felt even worse. A classmate catching me would have been equally worse, but this was a personal kind of horrible.”

A peculiar look comes over her, one fitting perfectly with someone having matured enough to look back and reflect on the faults they had many years ago.

“Hubert and I had already been devoting all or time and energy to develop ourselves into the perfect Emperor and her vassal, and had been keeping our vows to not do anything solely for ourselves without it in some way helping our cause… Seiros, you must understand, I really didn’t have my priorities straight at that age, because instead of being embarrassed for get caught while I was touching myself I was terrified I had disappointed my closest ally by doing something solely for myself.”

Finally she removes her hand from her face and meekly looks at Rhea with a watery smile.

“I panicked and I uh…. I blurted out ‘ _This is for the future glory of the Adrestian Empire!_ ’ ….and just… froze. ….as did he.”

“…Oh,” Rhea whispers in a belated flat sound just before she feels the laughter bubble up inside her. “Well, that’s… I mean it’s not that ba- _no_ , sorry, I can’t,” she manages to get out before she’s overcome with uncontrollable laughter herself.

She has slightly more decency than Edelgard has so she politely puts her hand in front of her mouth to muffle the worst of it but even she can’t stop the tears welling up in her eyes as she inwardly loses it over imagining Edelgard saying such a thing, likely in utter seriousness as well.

Thanks to Rhea muffling her laughing Edelgard can still speak to her without her voice being drowned out by Rhea’s.

“To his credit, he was rather courteous about it. He told me ‘naturally Lady Edelgard, I’ll speak to you at a more convenient time’ and all but stumbled out of my room.” It comes out rather flatly but then she grins. “Even his stumbling was still pretty stealthy,” she says, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

She leans back and puts her weight on one of her arms. “I didn’t see him at all the following day. I mean, I was sure he was close by, he always was. But he avoided me,” she chuckles. “He refused to say ‘glory’ and ‘the Adrestian Empire’ for a good two weeks, using every alternative under the sun he could come up with.”

Giggles erupt from her now as well, and she’s struggling not to break into laughter too. “We have never spoken of it since, didn’t even refer to it, not once,” she says almost wistfully, now with a hint of nostalgic longing for the past.

Rhea wants to stop laughing, she really does. She wants to comfort Edelgard while she’s reminiscing about an important memory between her and her best friend who died under such painful circumstances, a memory they never recalled together in all the years they lived after.

But she can’t get the incredibly amusing image of a teenage Edelgard exclaiming that horrible phrase out of her mind, now with the added improvement of Hubert’s awkward response and _stumbling._

She just can’t help it and keeps her uncontrollable giggling and bouts of laughter muffled into her hand, in some poor attempt at being polite about it.

“Stop it,” Edelgard chuckles. “Your laughter is contagious,” she chides her teasingly.

Rhea tries to say something, removing her hand from her mouth, but all she can manage is an undignified wheeze, causing her to mutter a hoarse “ _Sorry,”_ before pressing her hand firmly against her mouth again.

“Oh, you horrible excuse of a Saint,” Edelgard snickers before giving up entirely and promptly breaks into laughing along with her.

She doesn’t leave it at that however and a moment later Rhea finds herself tackled by the smaller woman, gladly letting herself fall over on the bed, making sure she falls slightly sideways as to not hit the wall.

Edelgard wastes no time in climbing on top of her, and when her eyes meet Rhea’s she expected a kiss or maybe a play fight but instead the girl giggling atop of her buries her head into Rhea’s shoulder, reaches for Rhea’s hand with her own and interlaces their fingers and generally just relaxes herself on top of Rhea’s body before truly letting go of all self-restraint and laughs freely.

Rhea can’t contain herself anymore either and now she finds herself listening to the sounds of both their voices mingling in the room. She wraps her free arm over Edelgard’s back and holds her tightly.

She feels so…. _happy._ Free, elated, lightheaded from laughing, almost drunk in a way, and without as much as a speck of the many worries she has accumulated over more than a thousand years of living.

It’s stupid and unlike her and nothing makes sense and they shouldn’t be laughing about sex jokes under these circumstances.

But it’s just exactly what the both of them need, and Rhea things there will never be a more perfect time for them to do so.

It has likely been a good several minutes, hopefully not _that_ many more, when their laughter has finally quieted down, with the both of them panting softly, their lungs tired from the whole ordeal.

Rhea feels a soreness in the muscles lining her stomach caused by overexertion, the twinge of pain is pleasant, relaxing even.

For a while the both of them say nothing, simply enjoying each other’s touch and the comfortable silence, while Rhea loses herself in nonsensical thoughts floating through her mind.

Eventually Edelgard stirs, nuzzling her face against Rhea’s neck with a satisfied murmur, after that she presses both hands into the bed, one on each side of Rhea and props herself up so she can look Rhea in her eyes.

She’s still smiling, the kind of smile that meets her eyes and makes them shine, and Rhea can feel she’s been smiling too and seeing Edelgard like this only makes her smile more.

“Thank you,” Edelgard says fondly. “For sharing all of you with me. It… it means the world to me, really.” Her voice is unsteady and filled with emotion.

Rhea thinks she might just cry. What a whiplash ride of emotions this has been.

“For you, always my dear,” she murmurs, her voice equally unsteady, and she nuzzles Edelgard’s face with her nose, if only to distract herself from all her emotions threatening to choke her.

She watches Edelgard blush and bite her lip, seemingly deep in thought for a moment.

“You told me so much about yourself,” she starts. “It’s strange, you don’t feel any different at all to me. Hmm, instead you just feel… more,” she concludes. “More you.”

“I suppose it might be a bit too much to take in all at once,” Rhea muses.

Edelgard grins. “Oh yes, there is _too much_ you now. I can’t see or think of all of you at once, your picture is just too big.”

She leans in to press a soft kiss to Rhea’s forehead. “Hmm, but when I’m like this with you it’s so easy, you’re simply the accumulation of all the things you’ve done and felt and who you have been in the past, and I can deal with the present you just fine,” she smiles fondly.

Her words make Rhea’s heart flutter and she has to make an effort not to glance away, overwhelmed by the sensations of it all.

“But you exposed so much of yourself to me… I want to do the same, Seiros,” Edelgard says tentatively.

Rhea detects the nerves creeping into the girl’s voice and wonders if she feels pressured to do so. “I just want to see you as you want to be seen,” she responds. “And that means you get to decide which parts of you you want to show to me, don’t force yourself for my sake, please.”

“I’m not forcing myself. I want to, truly,” Edelgard insists with a hint of her usual rebellious side before hesitating. “It’s just… scary. But I want to, I mean it.”

Her demeanor and vagueness do genuinely pique Rhea’s curiosity. “Then what is it you are talking about?”

Now Edelgard truly blushes and takes a moment to search Rhea’s eyes for the familiar trust she often finds there, exhaling softly once she’s made up her mind.

“I want you to see me naked.”

 _Bold,_ Rhea thinks to herself as she feels a twinge of pleasant heat trailing down low. But not unwelcome.

 _Wait_ , Goddess, Edelgard’s scars, how could she be this dense. Rhea curses inwardly, what is wrong with herself? She always believed she wasn’t the sort of person who would occasionally drop their mind in the gutter and then jump straight after it, but well, here she is.

She shakes off the thought and any _feelings_ that were arising along with them.

“Are you absolutely sure you would want that? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, not for my sake.”

Edelgard shakes her head, a determined glint in her eyes. “I’m sure. I’ve... I’ve always hated how my body looks, and no matter how much I tried to reason with myself, to be rational and tell myself it wasn’t all that bad, or even that important, I _can’t_ rid myself of the voices in my head which endlessly remind me that my body is broken and tainted, gruesome, and hideous to look at.” She stills just as her voice begins to tremble. “Just really ugly,” she adds in a faint, almost shameful whisper.

Her eyes turn haunted and all of a sudden she seems lost inside herself, trapped and strangled by thoughts and feelings she’s always been fighting with, but always in solitude, always on her own.

It takes a hand from Rhea gently brushing against her cheek, alongside a comforting hum to jolt her out of it. In an instant the hollowness in her eyes evaporates and makes way for clarity, along with warmth once she remembers where she is.

She closes her eyes and leans into Rhea’s touch, relaxing slightly before she reopens her eyes and takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve always known those voices aren’t real, that they merely stem from my fears, my self-loathing, my traumas and insecurities.” Rhea can see the strength it takes her to talk about this, the determination etched into her face and her voice steady despite the emotions seeping into it.

“Despite knowing they made no sense those voices have always been the only thing I could rely on. Even though a rational part inside me would tell me they weren’t true, those voices were all I had, all I could trust.”

Rhea watches Edelgard shift her weight on one hand before she moves her other hand so that she’s leaning on her elbow, freeing her arm slightly.

In a somewhat strained angle she moves her now free hand to brush Rhea’s cheek and smiles at her in that adoring and vulnerable that makes Rhea’s heart clench so painfully yet it’s simultaneously the best thing she’s ever felt.

“I trust your voice more than I trust the voices in my head, my Seiros,” she murmurs, a blush adorning her face.

Edelgard searches for Rhea’s eyes again, holding their gaze as she willingly shows the depth of her emotions to her.

“All of my fears and doubts don’t hold a candle to the intensity of your true feelings.”

Rhea now fully chokes up, only managing a faint “…Edelgard.” Which sounds more like a trembling whimper.

“So if you would look at me and maybe tell me what I really look like to you then maybe… maybe I can stop listening to those voices and just listen to yours instead,” the girl on top of her mumbles, now so nervous she does avert her gaze.

Rhea is still looking for words. There definitely should be words because she’s feeling things. _Many_ things, things that have names, _words._ And she’s felt those things before, in varying degrees, so she should at least be able to name those feelings and be able to turn those into words.

But no, there are too many heavy emotions swirling around in her brain that there’s no more capacity to come up with words. She feels her eyes starting to sting, so she muses she might at least get the depth of her emotions across if she’ll start crying in a moment.

Rhea should have really learned by now that very delicate and vulnerable questions coming from a girl who is secretly very sensitive should really _not_ be responded to with a distant glassy gaze for a prolonged period of time.

She realizes her mistake a moment after she feels Edelgard shift on top of her, her posture going stiff. The younger woman keeps avoiding meeting Rhea’s eyes. “You don’t have to, of course. I don’t want to force you to look at something you don’t want t-to,” she stammers, her words rushed. “And what if you _do_ hate the way I look just as much as I do…. I’m sorry, I don’t want to force you into choosing between where you’d have to tell that truth, even though I implied just now I was hoping you’d say something else, or lie to protect my feelings… I don’t want you to lie to me, so please just forget what I said,” she stutters.

Rhea had felt numb the entire time Edelgard was speaking, paralyzed between making sense of the whirlpool that were her own feelings and following the rapid change in Edelgard’s feelings as she spoke, while desperately trying to come up with anything to interfere, to stop her.

But it isn’t until she feels a tremor run through the smaller body on top of her along with the telltale sign of Edelgard struggling to suppress a cry, making it sound like a quiet, mangled noise of grief that her chaotic and disordered mind promptly reigns itself back under her control.

Not a second later her hand has reached for Edelgard’s chin, her thumb on one side and her four other fingers gently brushing the cheek on the other side as she turns her head to face Rhea and before the startled girl can so much as look at her eyes Rhea closes hers and presses her lips against Edelgard’s own.

It’s of the utmost importance the kiss is reassuring for Edelgard.

Rhea does not know enough about the cryptic language of kissing how to convey ‘reassuring’ with the movements of her lips.

Thankfully she manages to will the numbness threatening to take over her senses again back into oblivion and pours every last bit of her most tender and loving emotions into the kiss instead.

It’s gentle and slow and Rhea makes sure to kiss her softly. Her intentions seem to be working, much to her relief, as Edelgard responds tentatively at first until she seems to find some inner peace as she rests her body more firmly on top of Rhea’s, her muscles relaxing, after which a soft mewl escapes her mouth as she returns the kiss.

Without much conscious thought Rhea wraps her arms around Edelgard and with both hands she gently strokes her back. She’s so relieved she subconsciously breaks their kiss to release a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding.

Realizing her mistake, she opens her eyes and finds two tentative but open and curious eyes peering back at her. “They make me slow,” Rhea breathes out, causing Edelgard to raise an eyebrow, carefully questioning what she means. “I’m sorry, my intense and true emotions I mean. They make me slow. Make it hard to think, to come up with words,” she tries to explain. “Sometimes they’re just too intense,” she says sheepishly. “Like now.”

She plants a soft kiss on the younger woman’s forehead. “It would be an honor to me if you truly wish to show me your body,” she murmurs against her skin. “And while I’m absolutely certain that whatever I will tell you about your body will make the voices in your head wither away and forever hold their silence, should you find my opinion about your body dissatisfying I will personally sharpen and bring you your axe so you can vent your frustrations and displeasure on me,” she tells the girl, a careful smile on her face, hoping she managed to redeem herself slightly and take away Edelgard’s fears.

To her relief she hears a melodious giggle and now she does look for and finds Edelgard’s eyes.

There’s tears in them, and marks of previous ones having rolled down her cheeks, but these new tears threatening to spill are out of relief, happiness and too many feelings which simply cannot be confined to a single word.

“Getting told I’m pretty by you or getting to swing my axe at you to my heart’s content, what an amazing prospect to look forward to either way,” she laughs, smiling as even more tears well up in her eyes.

Rhea reaches around with her arm until she can delicately wipe away the tears with her thumb. “Now, don’t get _too_ eager about swinging your axe into my chest, don’t get your hopes up, I just told you I’m confident it won’t be necessary,” she jokes, smiling gently, but she’s still feeling way too much emotion and everything she says comes out sounding tender.

“I know, just something to keep in mind, and all. It’s important to thoroughly consider and imagine one’s options,” Edelgard explains, her voice as impeccably innocent as her expression.

“How dedicated you are, as always.”

Rhea receives a proud grin from the girl on top of her who hoists herself up to sit up straight again.

Her grin somewhat fades from her expression and hesitation and uncertainty take over instead. Rhea momentarily has no idea what could cause the younger woman to lose confidence like that all of a sudden until she notices Edelgard fidgeting with the collar of her dress, tugging it to the side with her finger but quickly pulling it back once it so much as begins to reveal her shoulder.

With a blush she meets Rhea’s eyes and bites her lip.

“Uhm… I don’t know how to make myself do this,” she admits with an unsure smile.

Oh, right. The undressing part. Yes, that might feel a bit forced and unnatural, after all these intense emotions in the past few minutes, Rhea considers. But what can she do to ease her fears? Tell her to just wait another half hour would only delay it and have them sit in awkward silence.

…but _wait._

Well, she really ought to have mentioned this to Edelgard before but…

“Actually, I might know a more comfortable place for you to do it,” she tells her with an air of mystery. “Join me for a change of scenery?”

Edelgard stares at her blankly, slowly blinking twice. “A change of scenery?” she repeats puzzled. Her eyes dart around the room momentarily before she utters a dry, “You want me to do it in that corner over there?” She nudges her head into said direction for good measure.

Rhea chuckles. “No, I had something better in mind.”

She gets a raised eyebrow and a silent wary looking girl in response.

Failing to suppress her playful smile she decides to be a little extra blunt. “My bedroom,” she teases, sounding innocent enough.

Edelgard looks at a loss, her eyes slightly bewildered and gazing at Rhea with mild suspicion as if she might have suddenly developed some kind dubious intent. “Your bedroom,” she echoes flatly.

Rhea grins and nods. “Yes, the very one.”

“Ah,” Edelgard muttered bemusedly. “And I suppose you’re just going to take me there, walk hand in hand with me, casually past the guards and the many faculty members and knights that surely won’t recognize me, not by my hair for sure, and certainly won’t give me any odd looks for wearing this shoddy excuse of a prison garb,” she states with less than subtle disbelief.

Rhea smirked. “No, that would require actual effort from me in terms of using my expert social skills to get away with things.” Her smirk only widens when she receives a doubtful look, as Edelgard makes a dismissive sound.

“I’ll just Warp us there, much more efficient wouldn’t you say?”

“What?” Edelgard exclaims. “Warp? You can’t Warp in Garreg Mach, it’s against the rules,” she points out confidently.

Rhea knows she now plainly looks mischievous, guiltless too. “Hmm, and who made the rules?” she hums sweetly.

Understanding settles in Edelgard’s features. “Oh. You shameless fraud,” she chides Rhea sternly, though with a glint in her eyes. “Still, how would you do it? There are numerous spells woven around the monastery that prevent the use of that spell.”

Goddess, she can’t help herself. Rhea merely raises her eyebrows in silence, smiling as she gives Edelgard a knowing look.

The girl gets it after only a moment and groans. “Ah, ‘ _and who made the spells?_ ’ right?” she grumbles in annoyance.

Rhea can’t help but sound very pleased with herself. “Right indeed. I have the highest authority, only Seteth and Flayn would be able to detect it… if they even happen to check that is.”

“That’s… handy…” Edelgard mumbles, then coughs deliberately. “A handy _abuse of power,_ that is,” she says sternly, trying to make it sound as if she’s reprimanding Rhea.

Rhea only chuckles. “Ah, well. Let me have a little fun every once in a while.”

The smaller woman turns to look puzzled and slightly insecure. “But why?”

“Hmm?”

“Not that I don’t trust you but why would you take me to your bedroom?” She pauses, her eyes widen slightly and then she gives Rhea a suspicious look. “I _know_ what that just sounded like and while I’m honored I can’t imagine that having your way with me at your own leisure counts as valid enough of a reason for you to pull something like that,”

Rhea chokes on a laugh. “No, I’m not _that_ devious,” she smiles. “Although it’s a nice extra benefit,” she teases Edelgard, who loses some of her confident composure and flusters slightly.

She makes an indignant sound, showing her disappointment in Rhea’s implications at her lecherous tendencies. “So what’s the true reason?” she asks, still seeming uncertain.

Rhea stops her teasing and focuses on being honest yet delicate. “There are two reasons. The first is very practical, the second is personal.”

Edelgard crosses her arms and gives her an expectant look.

“The first is that, because of me, you have become a huge risk,” she carefully explains, and immediately Edelgard looks worried. “What I mean is that… that us having grown so close and well ….intimate.” She catches herself blushing and notices her voice trailing off and makes herself tell Edelgard this with clarity. “Look, if this between us were to leak out, to your old enemies, which are among my regular ones, I might be in more trouble than I could handle.” She sighs, disliking having to frame it this way. “If someone got word of this I might lose my position as Archbishop, if not worse.”

Edelgard contemplates her words with slight unease. “But how would anyone discover what we- _oh,_ ” she stiffens and looks hurt. “You think I’d tell anyone, enemy to you or me, what we did if they managed to contact me,” she states numbly. She glances at Rhea with pain evident in her eyes. “I thought you’d trust me more than that,” she mutters distantly, her voice stale.

Rhea reaches out to her and places her hand on Edelgard’s waist in comfort. “I do trust you more than that, much more. From an objective perspective I shouldn’t, but still I trust you with all of me, I gave you my heart to hold, didn’t I?” she murmurs, flushing slightly. Edelgard too, seems to feel reassured as her hurtful expression makes way for that tiny smile which always makes Rhea’s heart skip a beat. “That’s true,” Edelgard nods shyly.

“It’s the people who might be able to contact you who I don’t trust. I trust with you with all my heart –to the point where I won’t even regret it if it turns out I was wrong to do so- but I know them, and their intuitive ways to make you talk. Spells, torture, threats, extortion… Edelgard I need to protect you from that, to keep you safe. I care more about protecting you than the information that might leak, and this cell here is simply not safe enough.”

Edelgard, who had gone slightly pale when Rhea summarized all the ways her enemies could hurt her, now seems to be almost glowing, a fond smile and a slight blush on her face while her eyes sparkle with warmth.

“Thank you,” she murmurs. “For caring about me in such a way.” Her lower lip is trembling and she sniffs her nose in an attempt not to cry, betraying the depth of the emotions she’s feeling.

Rhea puts a hand on the girl’s waist, her thumb drawing slow circles. “Always, my dear,” she all but whispers, her own voice hoarse.

Edelgard nods.

“Hmm, that brings me to the second point, there are several well-guarded and secure places in Garreg Mach where I could hide you, but that would be selfish of me. To punish you for something both of us did and which I am ultimately to blame for, I cannot accept lowering myself that far. So instead I’ve opted to whisk you to my chambers… all of them, not just the bedroom,” she hurriedly adds.

It’s truly one of the safest options, but Rhea cannot deny she’s also really eager to have Edelgard there with her, alone with more time and in mutual comfort.

“My chambers, the entire floor really, is per default one of the best secured and well-guarded locations in Garreg Mach and we could enjoy each other’s company without interruption and in much more comfortable circumstances.” She falters, suddenly overcome with the fear that Edelgard doesn’t at all wish to spend her last remaining days stuck with Rhea. “I mean, if you want to that is. To spend your last days with me… I can imagine if you’d rather be alone, in which case I’ll arrange the most comfortable location I ca-”

A finger pressed to her lips silences her in an instant.

“Come now Archbishop, surely you cannot be this dense?” Edelgard teases her fondly. “Or are you perhaps feeling insecure? Now _that_ would be an unexpected emotion on you.” She makes a _tsk tsk_ sound for good measure.

To Rhea’s pride, she manages to regain her composure fairly quickly. “I take that as a yes?” she smirks.

“You may take it as a ‘why did we have the entire conversation up until this point in _here_ when you could have taken me to your chambers from the very beginning’?” Edelgard asks her with narrowed eyes.

“I, uhm… wanted to talk things out between us first, and I didn’t want to make you feel forced, especially if you were still hurt because of me,” Rhea responds faintly.

“Ah, that’s considerate of you then.”

“I have my moments,” Rhea hums with an amused twinkle in her eyes.

“A _few,_ far and in between,” Edelgard mocks. “So, will you escort me to your personal bedroom now?” she says, not at all hiding how much she enjoys that her words have a double meaning.

Rhea shakes her head with a fond smile. “Yes, my dear. Get up, if you could.” She gestures to the floor beside them, as Warping is much easier to do while standing. “Although before you touch my bed I’ll definitely make you touch my bath first.”

Edelgard, who was already hallway of Rhea, with one foot on the floor, twists her head to grace Rhea with an offended glare. “Excuse me? What are you implying?” she points at the shoddy door in one of the walls. “Do I need to remind you this neat little boarding room came with a faucet? Complete with an only slightly rusted sink and an irregular supplies of rags?” Scoffing she crosses her arms, which only makes her look more comical with her legs in such an awkward position. “I _washed_ myself, Seiros. I even got a clean change of these dress things often enough.”

“I wasn’t implying anything, my dear,” Rhea soothes her gently, lying through her teeth, as she absolutely wants Edelgard to bathe and get her hair washed before she touches Rhea’s fresh and clean sheets, “but consider this, I have _warm_ water, and an actual big bath, with scented oils… and _me_ ” she adds, pouring some extra confidence in her last words, just to make sure Edelgard doesn’t catch on how shy saying that makes her feel.

Edelgard looks at her blankly for several seconds before promptly nodding. “Alright, yes. You got me convinced. Now come on, you’re slow,” she urges her, despite Edelgard being the one who is still half on top of Rhea.

But she’s standing next to the bed a moment later, impatiently shifting her weight between her legs until Rhea _finally_ joins her, a whole endless five seconds later.

“Chains,” Rhea says matter-of -factly.

Edelgard looks puzzled for a moment until recognition hits her and she looks down towards her ankles.

At the same time Rhea kneels before her to undo the shackles, she could have used the key, but she doesn’t have it. But magic also works perfectly fine.

It’s unexpectedly emotional to do this, as it so starkly contrasts the way she put the chains around Edelgard’s ankles a mere two weeks ago. Then she was chaining down a woman she loathed for good, to put her out of her mind forever, now she’s unchaining the same woman, who she now loves and wants to keep close to her for as long as it’s possible.

When the last shackle comes off with a rusty pop it becomes apparent to Rhea that Edelgard too was harboring thoughts about when she put them on her ankles, as Rhea promptly feels a light kick in her chest.

She doesn’t even look up, only chuckles lightly. “Now it’s gone full circle, very poetic of you,” she compliments the woman standing before her, as she grabs the chains and unceremoniously throws them to the side.

When she does look up she’s met with an outstretched hand and a tender expression on Edelgard’s face.

“Thank you,” she murmurs as she reaches for her hand and with Edelgard’s assistance, rises to her feet again.

She holds on to her hand. “Shall we go?” she hums and can’t help but chuckle at the eager smaller woman nodding with a trusting smile and squeezing her hand as Rhea prepares the spell, a faint glow enveloping her, and then the both of them.

With ease Rhea finishes the spell and less than a second later she finds herself –along with Edelgard- in the middle of her chambers, bedroom to the right, bathroom to the left.

It’s the easiest place for her to Warp to, as her chambers are a marked location for her personal use of the spell.

She quickly notices that aside from the usual array of protective spells securing her chambers there are also quite a few additional ones clinging to it. Most of the regular spells are meant to keep people out, but the new ones are mostly used for keeping someone _in_.

Ah, Seteth, Rhea muses as she senses his familiar signature in the woven spells. Ever so thorough and well-prepared. A little _too_ well, in her humble opinion.

With her concentration focused on identifying all the new spells around her she hadn’t noticed Edelgard smoothly letting go of her hand.

That is, until she hears an eager and pleased “ _Bed…_ ” coming from her right.

She has just enough time to turn to her side and watch Edelgard make a break for her bedroom as the door was left wide open, yet the loud and stern ‘ _no’_ dies in her throat as she’s rewarded with the peculiar sight of Edelgard running into what seems to be a magical barrier of sorts.

A very _odd_ one.

When Edelgard makes contact with it it’s apparent it’s nothing like a solid wall and neither does it cause her any damage or trigger any other effects.

Instead it’s more like a flexible spider web, green ribbons lighting up faintly as Edelgard is almost gently bounced backwards, stumbling slightly on her feet as she is pushed back before turning over to look at Rhea with confusion marring her face.

“That’s new.” Rhea hears herself say as she makes her way over to her open bedroom door.

It’s a flimsy spell, one she can break with just a wisp of her own magic. Why would anyone cast such a weak and harmless barrier spell on her bedroom- _oh._

“ _Seteth,”_ she growls _._

A quick identification of the spell reveals it’s indeed her treacherous brother who left the spell there, another detail –consisting of Rhea causally waving her hand through the barrier- reveals that Rhea herself is exempt from being affected by the spell.

Meaning…

Her brother is anything but subtle when he wishes to let Rhea know she has _irked_ him. This is his silent payback.

“Oh, I bet he’s having a good laugh _somewhere_ in the Monastery,” she groans to a still very confused looking Edelgard.

“What? You mean Seteth put this spell here? But why…. _Oh,”_ Much to Rhea’s rapidly growing worry Edelgard’s expression turns absolutely devious. “He knew you were taking me here, then,” she asks without it being a question. “And this is his way of telling you not to sleep with me again, isn’t it?” she grins with glee.

Rhea sneers. “He has _no right_ to insinuate anything about I do in my _own_ priva- _wait,_ ” she stills and all but glares at Edelgard –who still looks very cheeky- with newfound suspicion. “ _How_ do you know that Seteth knows about, uhm… _us_?”

And Edelgard, ever the perfect actress, has the nerve to shrug nonchalantly and respond with, “Hmm? Oh, Flayn told me you shared that with them,” so casually as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.

Something in Rhea’s mind cracks. _“Flayn?_ ” she sputters before her eyes narrow in a glare that is bordering on fury. “Edelgard…” she starts, her voice quiet and thin as ice, but no less threatening. “ _How_ did you hear this from her?”

Edelgard looks at her with perfectly innocent surprise. The faintest hint of amusement utterly betrays her though. “ _What_ , they didn’t tell you? She came to visit me in my cell earlier. Told me some _really_ interesting things.” Now her expression turns accusing. “You know, things I was under the impression would strictly stay between you and me.”

Rhea feels herself pale. “Oh.”

That explains Flayn’s presence in the hallway at such a late hour, not to mention her odd gestures, the girl _knew._

Not only is her audacious brother a traitor, so is her insolent niece it seems.

 _Why_ does her family always meddle with her.

“Yes, _oh._ Like how we slept together, for starters,” Edelgard mercilessly continues. “She insisted on calling it ‘ _making love’_ though, which I explicitly told her was not how you would ever word it.”

She glances at Rhea, who is feeling increasingly caught and stuck on a slippery slope sliding right into a battle she has already lost.

Edelgard makes a very obviously feigned noise as if she suddenly recalled something. “Oh, right. She told me to ask you exactly what it was you had called it, said it was too embarrassing for her to repeat out loud.”

“Uhm.”

“ _Uhm’_ is not going to save you from this, Seiros,” the smaller woman tells her sternly. “You snitched on me! You even told them that I’m in love with you! Traitor! You better come up with a better excuse than ‘ _uhm’ right now_ ,” Edelgard demands loudly.

For the first time Rhea realizes just how much emotionally sensitive things about Edelgard she has shared with her family. She inwardly sighs in relief that Flayn wasn’t even present for the most of it. Still, she has some serious apologizing to do. _Again._

Or perhaps some confessing is in order.

Something which seems would be greatly appreciated, judging by the impatient, displeased former Emperor, who is tapping her foot and has defiantly crossed her arms while she continues to glare until Rhea comes up with some kind of response.

So she does, tells Edelgard about how clueless and desperate she felt, how she didn’t know what she was supposed to do anymore, how she couldn’t cope with having hurt Edelgard so much and didn’t have any clue whatsoever anymore how to fix things, and she was going mad with anger and grief and frustration, completely at her wits end and after concluding she couldn’t make anything better herself she reached out to her family for help. She confesses everything, stammering and speaking way too fast the entire time.

By the time she’s done she’s out of breath and feeling both guilt and uncertainty at once, hardly daring to look Edelgard in the eyes.

It isn’t until she hears the sound of muffled laughter she dares to look at her.

Edelgard is covering her mouth with her fist, still quietly giggling into it.

“You’re the most hopeless War Saint I’ve ever met,” she laughs. “Not only are you a complete idiot when it comes to your feelings, you also let the people closest to you tease you about it like this,” the younger woman giggles warmly. “You pushover.”

Rhea instantly feels relieved, amused and infuriated at once and in an effort to vent her frustrations she puts her hand into the barrier and roughly yanks the magic out of it, shattering the spell with barely any effort.

Unfortunately for her, the spell wasn’t entirely devoid of any additional effects and less than a second later she feels the telltale magic of a trigger going off.

One which she recognizes instantly and makes her pale. Because should the caster of the spell be in the near vicinity –which her traitor brother most certainly is- they’ll be made aware their spell has been broken.

Rhea is quite confident that, should Seteth somehow have missed the spell letting him know his barrier had been broken, he’ll still know solely because of the sheer volume at which she angrily screamed out his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, with black sunglasses doing finger-guns: Yeah you know me, hella kinky and shit, totally wild lmao. Just wrote this fic where the two main characters choke each other and do the whole electric boogaloo, I got myself completely figured out and I'm totally extreme.  
> *record scratch*  
> *Realizes that as of this chapter it's like the fourth time where I have the smoll one straddle the toll one and they share a moment of deep emotional intimacy, usually with tears.*  
> Me, crying: haha, sexy death jokes!
> 
> Got the part about El's crown from a recent fire emblem Heroes update where they made it an item, and the description says something like "It was tradition among the Adrestian royal family to wear crowns shaped after the being who helped found the Adrestian empire"  
> and in game it's somewhere said Rhea did so in her immaculate form without Wilhelm knowing it was her. they say something like 'Wilhelm could call for the winds of the immaculate one to help him' whatever that entailed.


	16. Eye of the beholder

Much to Rhea’s dismay it ended up being ‘bed’ before ‘bath’ after all, as Edelgard, after having recovered from her laughing fit at Rhea’s anger lapse -courtesy of her brother- lasted a whole ten minutes of showing interest in the various things in Rhea’s room before she was unable to hide her exhaustion any longer.

After Rhea had caught on she had promptly grabbed one of her own nightgowns and had handed it to Edelgard, who she ushered into the bathroom. After dropping a washcloth and a towel into her arms as well she had insisted the girl at least washed her face, hands, legs and feet. _‘Just to be sure._ ’

“Do you want me to wear socks and gloves to bed as well or can your poor heart handle my bare hands and feet touching your pristine bed sheets?” Edelgard grumbles. “Perhaps one of those things to cover my hair, while you’re at it.”

“No, it’s alright,” Rhea mutters, suddenly ashamed. “I’m sorry, I’m acting less than agreeable, and you’re my guest.”

“You’re always less than agreeable, it’s nothing I can’t handle,” Edelgard teases her. “Now get out, I know I said I wanted you to see me naked but you’ll have to put some more effort in it to make the atmosphere romantic, and this,” she gestures to herself and the nightgown in her arms, “is _rushed_ Seiros.”

Rhea had flustered, nodded and hurriedly left the bathroom while muttering a rushed apology.

Only after she closed the door behind her did she realize she just fled from her _own_ bathroom.

She sighed, the things one does when in love.

After putting on her own nightgown and being met with a stretch of _nothing_ as Edelgard was still inside her bathroom she had begun nervously putting things in just _slightly_ more perfect angles. Like pencils, those absolutely had to align with the edge of her desk.

And the pillows, those were important, yet no matter how much she propped them up they refused to look just _right._

It irked her. Her whole room suddenly irked her.

Relief came roughly fifteen minutes later in the form of a muffled, “For the Goddess’s sake Seiros, it’s way too big for me, I’m _not_ coming out like this.”

It took Rhea a moment to realize just what Edelgard insisted was too big for her but once she did she broke into a grin.

“It’s not my gown that’s too big, my dear. It’s simply you who is just too small.”

Edelgard promptly gave up on her refusal to leave the bathroom, storming out not a second after Rhea had finished speaking.

“You…” She points at Rhea, glaring menacingly. “ _Immature,”_ she hisses.

“Well I’m sorry I’m not in the habit of keeping a set of nightgowns four sizes too small for me,” Rhea shrugs as she takes in Edelgard, who looked rather endearing in her oversized white gown. 

Edelgard growled. “Well _I’m_ sorry I don’t come in size Wyvern then, you giant lizard.”

Rhea merely rises an eyebrow at the comment, too occupied with looking at how her own nightgown didn’t fit Edelgard yet it somehow makes her look all the better in it.

It ended at her ankles and the sleeves were too long, too wide and the fabric too smooth to roll the sleeves up properly. The only thing that looked relatively fitting was the collar, as Rhea went for a very modest collar for her nightgowns, it gave her a sense of comfort. So even on Edelgard the neckline wasn’t plunging nor was the collar wide enough it would slip over her shoulder.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Edelgard quips almost daringly.

“Huh?” Rhea quickly comes to the conclusion she had indeed been staring, Edelgard just looks so lovely like this, the fact that she is wearing _her_ clothes only makes it better. “Ah, my apologies, I suppose I really enjoy how you look,” she tells her earnestly, her cheeks flustering slightly.

Edelgard sputters something, sounding in-between embarrassed and overwhelmed, leading Rhea to conclude that simply looking at the poor girl wasn’t enough and so she casually strolls over to her and reaches out her hand with an open smile, to which Edelgard gave her a tentative glance before taking her hand.

And then Rhea all but drags the younger woman into her bed, succeeding with only mild complains from a flustered Edelgard.

She let Edelgard get comfortable under the blankets first, before _nervously_ crawling under the sheets herself, leaving quite some space between them.

There was a bout of very awkward and loud silence between them, which was broken by a long yawn from Edelgard, prompting the both of them into soft laughter.

“I’m really tired,” Edelgard murmurs, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. It was an incredibly long and exhausting day, you have every right to be tired, dear one.”

She could see Edelgard smile from the corner of her eye.

“Can we... uhm… hold each other? Maybe?” Edelgard asks her, sounding uncharacteristically shy.

“I was hoping you’d ask that,” Rhea laughs softly. “Otherwise I’d have to muster up the courage to ask you myself.”

“ _Weak,”_ Edelgard managed to murmur affectionally before a surprised yelp escaped her mouth, as she hadn’t seen nor expected Rhea to close the distance between them in one quick motion and tightly wrap her arm around Edelgard’s waist.

“I this okay with you?” she asked carefully. “We can lie however you want.”

“Mhm, I don’t mind sleeping on my back, so this works fine,” Edelgard assured her. “But come closer, curl against me. Uhm… rest your head in the crook of my neck… if you like to I mean,” she mutters, increasingly more uncertain and embarrassed.

But Rhea thought they were all perfect suggestions and less than half a minute later her front was pressed flush against the side of Edelgard’s body, while one of her legs was wrapped around one of Edelgard’s and her head safely buried in the crook of her neck, where she let out a satisfied sigh.

The woman she was now all but curled into, over and against remained tense, though once Rhea gently caressed her stomach through the silky fabric of her clothes she felt Edelgard relax under her touch, until her breathing turned calm and slow as well.

“I’m falling asleep, I think,” she murmurs drowsily. “So I’ll say goodnight now.” She turns her head slightly to press a kiss against Rhea’s head. “Thank you for this, Seiros. Sleeping here with you makes me so happy, it… means a lot.”

After that she shifted slightly to get more comfortable. Rhea managed to get a feeble sounding, “Goodnight, dear one,” out before silence took over and she found herself listening and feeling the slow but steady process of Edelgard falling asleep. Her breathing got slower, her body lost what tension it still had when she was awake and finally some of her muscles would occasionally twitch, the sign that she was truly asleep now and her body was relaxing all its muscles.

Despite being exhausted herself Rhea remained like that for a long time, finding comfort in simply listening to Edelgard’s slow breathing, the faint beating of her heart and enjoying the warmth of her body, as it slowly rose and fell along with her breathing, against her own.

* * *

She must have fallen asleep at some point because suddenly it was bright in her room. Too bright.

Also, something had changed during the night which she had apparently slept soundly through.

There is… pressure.

Rhea realizes she’s the one who is now lying on her back, with Edelgard sprawled casually on top of her, but not quite aligned with her body. Instead she somehow draped herself over Rhea at a crooked angle, her head buried into her shoulder on one side while one of her legs is on the other side of Rhea, and Edelgard’s other leg is not so subtly in-between Rhea’s slightly parted legs. Both her hands are holding onto Rhea as well, with one clutching the fabric of Rhea’s nightwear along her waist, the other having grabbed the hem of the collar.

Rhea apparently hadn’t mind herself, as her own hands were on Edelgard’s back as well, pressing her softly against her own body.

Aside from a smile blooming on her face she didn’t dare move a muscle, too scared this moment would fade, that the spell would be broken.

Perhaps if she stayed like this, unmoving and completely still, then time wouldn’t move forward either.

And even if it did Rhea found that she didn’t mind staying like this regardless, to just hold the woman she loves in her arms until the both of them die peacefully.

Fodlan be damned.

She stayed like this for a long time, willing any unpleasant from her thoughts, which was an easy task because each time something entered her mind she didn’t like all she had to do was focus on the feeling of the gentle rising and falling of Edelgard’s chest against herself.

It could have been minutes, it could have been an hour –the track of time was lost on her in her half-awake and comfortable state- but eventually she did stir a little.

She couldn’t resist and began to gently stroke Edelgard’s back up and down with her hands.

Only a few second passed in silence as she did this, until she was startled by a muffled, “Caught you,” into the crook of her neck.

Rhea tensed involuntary. “Oh, you’re awake,” she said softy, slightly embarrassed although it didn’t dull how good she was feeling.

“Mhm, only half,” came the sleepy reply. “Can we stay like this forever, maybe?”

Laughing softly Rhea nuzzled her face into Edelgard’s neck, her white hair spilling over her. “Yes, forever sounds like an acceptable duration,” she smiled.

Edelgard made a pleased sound and shifted to get more comfortable, while Rhea kept gently stroking her back absentmindedly.

‘Forever’ turned out to have a length of about roughly half an hour, after which Rhea felt herself grow too restless as she was getting increasingly tense for what was to occur later in the day.

“Edelgard…” she began tentatively.

There was a moment of silence and Rhea briefly considered the girl had fallen asleep again.

But then Edelgard stirred, propping herself on her hands, one placed on each side of Rhea and soon she was met with piercing lilac eyes. “That was not a good tone, you’re tense,” the smaller woman on top of her states. “What’s on your mind?”

Mustering up her courage Rhea holds their gaze as she speaks. “Your trial is today.”

“…Oh.”

“Yes.”

“Will you be alright?”

“No. But I will have to be. …What about you, will you be alright?”

The white haired women shook her head. “No, I won’t.” A sad smile. “But I’ll have to be.”

All of a sudden Edelgard seemed conflicted, then hurt, even scared for the briefest of moments before it all washes from her face, and all that remains is a sheepish expression. “I guess I must have lost track of time more so than I thought,” she mumbles quietly. “Do you need to leave for it soon?”

Rhea shakes her head. “No, we have plenty of time for breakfast, at the very least. I’ll have to be there ahead of time, to mingle among those who are to attend, but I won’t be there early, I can tell you that.”

 _‘Those who are to attend_ ’ meaning the people whom she really should have greeted and welcomed politely yesterday evening when they likely arrived, as per custom.

But Seteth vaguely hinted he’d take care of everything in her ‘absence’ so she hopes he made good on that promise.

It takes her a good few minutes before she manages to drag herself out of bed –Edelgard not letting go of her being the biggest problem- and after putting on a housecoat she makes her way to the private living room she shared with Seteth and Flayn, where there is usually breakfast waiting for her.

Naturally, Seteth and Flayn also have to be there, and she starts by greeting each of them with an angry glare, both for different reasons that neither of them can speak up about in fear of having to tell the other what they did.

So with a satisfied smile Rhea goes to grab a tray from somewhere and begins putting together what should suffice as a proper breakfast for two.

“Slept well?” her brother asks her, the subtle grin on his face barely visible as he keeps his cup of coffee hovering in front of his mouth.

“Yes, but not thanks to you,” she bites back.

“Good,” he says just a tad too happy with himself, before taking on a more serious look. “I need you back here in an hour and a half at the latest, Rhea,” he tells her. “And with ‘you’ I mean you dressed like your usual immaculate self and at your best behavior. I have everything prepared… everything but _you._ ”

Rhea scoffs. “Please, as if I’d let anyone see me as anything less than that.”

Seteth takes in her current appearance, top to bottom, purposely slow, to help her realize she’s still in her nightgown with a mismatched housecoat and her hair tied up in the same ponytail as he saw her in yesterday, but now extra messy.

She feels herself fluster and promptly hisses in annoyance. “Brother,” she says, her voice soft yet thin and cold as ice. “Not. _Now._ ”

“Of course, coffee first,” he nods and raises his half empty cup to her in a cheer.

Flayn, having watched their interaction with increasing curiosity tries to get them to explain to her with an inconspicuous “Hmm?”

“No,” Rhea tells her bluntly.

“Alright,” her niece yields, only to try again from another angle. “But then why do you have breakfast for two people there, aunt?” she quips, relentless as she is. “I mean… two cups of coffee…” she trails off.

Rhea feels very _irked_ again and groans in frustration. “You know what, your father can tell you why, perhaps _after_ you have told him why it is the prisoner knew more than she should have,” she says with an air just barely short of haughty.

Father and daughter immediately focus on one another with suspicion written on their faces while simultaneously really not wanting the other’s attention on themselves.

And so with a pleased grin and an overly friendly “A pleasant morning then, family,” Rhea leaves them to their own devices.

* * *

When she opens the door to her bedroom she had been hoping to find Edelgard up and out of her bed, but no, the girl has fallen asleep again, now spread eagle on her back with some of her hair covering her face.

“Charming,” Rhea says purposely just loud enough to jolt Edelgard from her light slumber, who greets her with a confused and unpleasantly surprised noise, followed by an annoyed groan.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Rhea says sweetly. “Now get out, I have breakfast and you’re not getting a single bite of it until you aren’t touching my bed anymore.”

Edelgard blinks at her twice, very slowly. Then she narrows her eyes and stares Rhea down in defiance. A silent ‘ _make me, I dare you’._

Naturally, Rhea returns the favor and gives her an equally unyielding stare.

The staring contest that follows might be the most intense battle they ever had.

Under five minutes later Rhea finds herself, groaning and with a lot of complaining, getting into her bed once more while biting an annoyed, “Scoot over,” to an incredibly pleased and smug looking Edelgard.

Rhea all but forcefully pushes the tray onto the younger woman’s lap. “If I find so much as a single crumb in my bed sheets I’ll make sure that crumb stays in my bed longer than you will.”

“You have an odd preference when it comes to bed partners, you know that?” Edelgard grins before she takes a first bite out of some buttered bread.

“Tell me about it,” Rhea utters exasperatedly.

“Oh, I know,” Edelgard laughs, only to wiggle her eyebrows meaningfully and point at her own chest victoriously. “This was a dead giveaway really.”

Trying not to fluster Rhea mutters a stern “Don’t speak with your mouth full,” in the vain hope Edelgard will _shut up._

“Yes _mother_.” Comes the amused reply, which Rhea really should have expected at this point.

Her only retaliation is an annoyed and weary sigh, which is met with silence as Edelgard is too occupied with eating her food, so finally Rhea gets her moment of silence as the two of them focus on eating their respective breakfasts.

Her peaceful silence doesn’t last long when, by the time they’re almost done eating and much to her own agony, Edelgard gleefully points out not one but _two_ crumbs on Rhea’s lap which had somehow missed the plate she had been keeping meticulously under her slice of bread at all times.

Not a moment later she’s standing next to the side of her bed, furiously wiping the crumbs –and several more imaginary ones- out of her precious bed, but she softens when Edelgard can’t contain her laughter and has to put her tray on the nightstand to ensure her remaining coffee doesn’t spill.

So she finds herself back in bed, now without crumbs, and soon has a content Edelgard huddled against her, their lower bodies pressed against each other while their faces are so close the proximity makes them giggle.

They find themselves talking, about everything and mostly about nothing. Small things they like, amusing experiences from years ago they happen to remember, embarrassing things that happened to them which they had to conceal creatively.

All the while a part of Rhea’s brain is meticulously taking in every detail of Edelgard’s face. Her eyes and how they sparkle, how her lip look so thin and chapped yet so lovingly soft, the small perfect imperfections in her pale skin, the natural way wisps of white hair fall over her face, some of which she dutifully keeps putting behind her ear… her ear itself.

She _needs_ to remember every detail, forever. Before it's too late.

Rhea genuinely thought they were still talking but instead she finds they’re now kissing, slowly and soft, with pleasant sighs and content sounds. She doesn’t mind, this is perfect too, and sinks deeper into the kiss as she embraces Edelgard tightly.

A little while later, when she has crawled on top of Edelgard and is kissing her skin wherever she can, starting from her mouth and trailing along her forehead, cheeks, jaw, neck and the vast expanse that is her shoulder, while one of her hands is gently massaging and playing with Edelgard’s breast through her nightgown.

This could go on forever if it were up to Rhea, the soft moans in satisfaction and content sighs alone make it all worth it.

She feels one of Edelgard’s hands rake up her own nightwear and worms her hand underneath it until it’s crawling dangerously high along her inner thigh.

Out of pleasure and surprise a long low moan escapes her lips, slightly muffled against Edelgard’s shoulder.

 _That sound was undignified,_ she chides herself inwardly, yet her smile hidden against the skin of Edelgard’s tells her how much she enjoyed doing so.

But… _undignified_.

Shouldn’t she be…?

Oh _no_.

As her body goes stiff she hurriedly checks the time, and oh Heavens, she has less than half an hour left to go from undignified to _dignified._

Because _immaculate_ is most certainly not feasible anymore at this point.

“Something wrong?” The girl underneath her asks her curiously. And oh _Goddess,_ her pupils are dilated so perfectly right now, this is unfair.

“I…I need to get dressed,” she utters a little bluntly.

Edelgard, ever the Saint of many Words, quirks her brow. “Well that’s quite the opposite of where I was assuming this was going,” she mopes, only semi-joking.

“I know, me neither,” Rhea agrees, torn between her feelings which are urging her to straight up ditch the trial and have sex with the person the trial is about and… actually doing her duty, her _very important_ but incredibly agonizing duty. “But the trial…” she mutters flatly, the words tasting foul in her mouth.

“Ah,” Edelgard hums and nods in understanding. “Well I suppose it can’t be helped.” Her voice is but a tad forced, but truly accepting, if displeased.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you,” Rhea tells her earnestly as she gets off of Edelgard and of the bed entirely.

She grabs one of her ceremonial robes from her closet, along with the various pieces of clothes that she drapes herself with before making it to the bathroom, before she closes the door she tells Edelgard, who had silently been following her with her eyes, “I want you to see me naked as well.” She feels herself fluster at her own words but pushes on. “But… together with you, while we have the time, so… later alright?”

Edelgard’s eyes light up and with a small smile she nods.

Rhea quickly washes her face and some other easily reachable sports with a washcloth and brushes her teeth. It takes her only a few minutes to get dressed, the heave weight of her mantle a comforting pressure on her shoulders. Smoothly she puts on her socks an undergarments and a moment later she’s out the door again.

“Edelgard, my dear?”

“Mhm?” Comes the eager reply from the girl who is still sitting in her bed.

“Would you help me do my hair?”

Well, it turned out that was something Edelgard loved to do, as mere seconds later she’s ushering Rhea into a chair in front of what she supposed could be called her vanity, as it’s a dresser with a mirror, but she doesn’t wear make-up or anything of the sort.

But a brush she has, and Edelgard seems to enjoy being Rhea’s assistant. She brushes Rhea’s hair softly and Rhea might have just stooped low enough and beg her to do this for another hour or two if she wasn’t pressed for time, as the feeling is incredible pleasant and comfortable.

Once her hair is smooth again Edelgard begins to work on getting her hair just right and putting her golden tiaras and decorative pieces in their proper place.

The lilies are in a cup in the corner of the dresser, where they are kept perpetually alive and eternally strong, and Edelgard puts those in Rhea’s hair with such tender delicacy it makes her shiver.

“There, all done,” Edelgard tells her happily.

And Rhea is happy too, it looks good. Very good, just not _exactly_ the way she usually does it, but that just makes it better.

Getting your hair done by the person you’re about to pretend you feel nothing but contempt and distaste for in court, the poetic irony.

She ignores the painful sting in her heart and settles for a hollow ache there instead.

When she gets up Edelgard tugs her sleeve. “You look beautiful, my Archbishop,” she smiles and kisses Rhea on her cheek.

Already Rhea feels her cheeks redden. “I thought you didn’t like my ‘ _Church attire’_ as you’ve told me quite a few times now.”

Edelgard laughs. “Yes, that’s right. But that’s because it felt like you were deliberately covering yourself in Church, which I thought you didn’t deserve to... but now that I know what is truly underneath that, what’s inside you, I can’t deny you look quite stately and ephemeral like this… truly divine,” she smiles, now with her own cheeks flushing slightly.

“Ah, before you go Seiros, I was wondering, do you have white parchments and pencils perhaps? Maybe even colored ones?”

Rhea mules it over in her head, she has many cabinets filled with many things that could _maybe_ come in useful one day. Several years in the future, but _one day_ for sure.

So yes, she definitely does have what Edelgard asks of her.

A few moments later she digs out many white empty parchments from a flat drawer and from another one a set of various sized charcoal pencils and an expansive set of colored ones in a long metal box as well.

When she has placed all of them on her desk she catches Edelgard eyeing the items with eager happiness.

“Are you going to draw while I’m away?”

“Sketch probably, but yes.”

“I didn’t know you could draw,” Rhea says, sounding mildly impressed.

She gets a pointed look. “ _Anyone_ can draw, Seiros.”

“Yes but… well… you know…” she trails of sheepishly. “If you were trained in the skill, I mean.”

Edelgard remains still for a while, seemingly in thought. “I have no professional training in drawing, but it’s as they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right?”

“Yes,” Rhea finds herself saying, as she takes in Edelgard, whom she, even when she saw her mowing down soldier after soldier in her last free moments at the end of the war, already considered to possess an odd sort of otherworldly beauty.

Yet now she looks nothing short of immaculate to Rhea.

* * *

The trial is, as expected, horrid.

It’s completely thanks to her brother, bless the traitorous oaf, that she manages to get through it seeming competent enough.

He really did make good on his promise –which was more like a vague inclination- that he’d take care of everything. All the attendees and their assistants have arrived and given rooms smoothly, none of them have any idea that anything is out of place and it’s all a perfectly formal and somber affair.

Rhea could say she’s less pleased that he told everyone that the Archbishop was otherwise engaged and not present to meet them the evening prior because ‘the aftermath of the war had proven to be a heavy burden for her and she needed rest to be well enough for the trial’.

It wasn’t exactly wrong, and a good way of wording things, but she didn’t like being seen as weak, especially not now.

Much to her relief the guests only barely acknowledge the ‘heavy burden’ she is suffering under and treat her with the usual distance and reverence she is well versed in handling.

She nods solemnly and gives somber smiles wherever appropriate, while they’re getting re-acquainted in the waiting room.

A lot of nobles present have their own hidden agenda, and that generally consists of ‘get to know Lady Rhea’s stance on this matter and lick her boots until there’s no boot left to lick’. Sadly, because of her position she is required to openly condemn the Emperor’s actions and agree with the verdict, still she does this as formally and without putting any emotions in it whatsoever.

It’s enough for the greedy sharks to clamp their jaws in, though, and soon she’s swamped with people telling her how awful and horrid the mad Emperor was, or wonder what kind of insanity must have possessed her to dare to rebel against the Holy Church?

The second her fist clenches Seteth is by her sides and expertly delegates the nobles deftly back in line and away from her like he’s a skilled animal tamer, he also all but pushes Rhea into the direction of King Dimitri and Claude, who are being well left alone because of their status.

Ah yes, there she will be more safe, no greedy noble will dare to approach all three of them to further their agenda.

“Your Majesties,” she greets them, along with the appropriate bow.

They bow to her in return. “Lady Rhea, it’s good to see you. The war has been a heavy burden on us all, but I seem to have neglected to realize this final stretch was more heavy on you than all of us,” Dimitri tells her, sounding almost sullen.

His words startle her and she has to make an effort to mask it. “I… I thank you for you kind words, but rest assured, it is nothing I cannot handle,” she hears herself say and takes a moment to consider if she’s lying or not.

“Now don’t be too delicate with your words Dimitri,” Claude teases him. “I’m sure Lady Rhea prefers a lighter topic, Goddess knows I do.”

Rhea smiles at him, out of gratitude, embarrassment or amusement, she doesn’t know.

Still, she’s relieved when, after a rough, “My apologies,” from Dimitri they do dwell on lighter topics.

Those being current affairs, rebuilding what was lost and bringing back balance to Fodlan. So maybe not lighter topics, but at least more positive ones.

She was beginning to feel less tense just when Dimitri stirred the topic back to ‘her prisoner’ abruptly.

“How is she?” he asks tentatively. “The Emper- no, how is my step-sister?” He corrects himself and there is a hint of distorted but genuine care for her in his voice.

It cracks Rhea’s mask to hear someone else talk about Edelgard like a human, someone they care about and she struggles to respond accordingly. “We have been treating her well, I assure you,” she starts tentatively, Dimitri looks as her as if he wants to her about her more personally. “She has accepted her loss in the war, and subsequently her fate,” she adds with a slight tremor in her voice.

Dimitri is quiet for a moment and glances at Rhea as if he’s not sure she’s telling the truth.

“That… does not sound like her,” he says with a strain in his voice.

“No,” Rhea admits softy, wishing he’d drop the topic because she wants to cry. “No, but from what I’ve gathered she feels as if she has lost too much, those she loved, herself and any possibilities for a future for herself, she even said she feels her death will serve Fodlan, and she has made peace with that fate,” she all but murmurs her words and can’t help but glance down, unable to look them in the eyes.

“That does sound like her,” Claude pipes up. “I mean, she’s still not one to accept defeat, but if anyone would be noble to her last breath and willing to sacrifice herself for Fodlan if she is convinced it will benefit the lands it would be her.”

Dimitri seems to lose some of his tension at hearing that. “I still feel too much rage to think about her rationally,” he admits, his voice hollow. “But perhaps in time I can find it in me to understand her better.”

 _In time. When it’s too late to help her,_ Rhea thinks in a flash of bitterness.

For a moment she wants to lash out at these two pompous kings, who condemn their third to her fate so easily yet hold the power to save her if they’d so wish so, if they’d work together and with herself.

But no, it’s futile and it wouldn’t be justice either.

Edelgard is a war criminal.

Rhea repeats it in her head over and over again like a mantra.

_War criminal. War criminal. War criminal._

The words feel foreign when she tries to tie them to Edelgard, as all the things she feels for the younger woman are in between the two things.

Luckily they’re called in to the freshly dusted off courtroom of Garreg Mach before Rhea’s prolonged silence became suspicious.

* * *

The entire trial is a blur of pain and distorted sounds and _nothing,_ where Rhea constantly either has to suppress her anger which starts threating to boil over at unpredictable moments or her urge to cry and flee the courtroom altogether.

She desperately clings to the script Seteth has provided her with, which had reduced her speaking role by a large margin, no longer does she have to read all of Edelgard’s crimes and she’s free from having to read the final verdict too, much to her relief.

The orderly reads out her crimes and Rhea can practically taste the dust in the tone of his voice, so dull and monotone does he say them.

_Plotted with a cult known as ‘Those who slither in the dark’, an enemy of which the threat is still not fully know, when the Emperor was still but a princess, a teenager._

_Started a traitorous Rebellion against the Holy Church of Seiros once she was crowned the Emperor of the Adrestian Empire._

_Would not yield when asked, when prompted, when demanded, when forced and consequently let Fodlan into a bloody war which had lasted over nine years, which she subsequently began to lose, yet still the Emperor refused to yield and surrender, dragging the war on unnecessarily for several more years._

_Thousands of lives were lost, both on the sides of Adrestia’s enemies and on its own side._

Rhea hears it all, the words barely able to register in her mind over the loud and painful ringing in her ears.

She only has to give her confirmation and compliance when asked, occasionally with a statement of her own to back up her claim. She does it to perfection, a smile on her face, no tremble in her voice. But she’s sure that she can’t mask the hollowness in her eyes and voice whenever she speaks.

When she glances around she sees many familiar faces and various unfamiliar ones. She knows that among them least one –likely more- are Slither’s themselves, having infiltrated her ranks and are now here to see the political plays all the people with important roles will make –they’re here to see _her._

They will become her primary problem once all of this is… in the past, but for now she has to force herself to come across as immaculate and _not_ show any weaknesses, especially not in their presence.

Still, when the final verdict is spoken and the hammer comes down, sealing Edelgard’s fate as death by execution, it feels as if the hammer came down on Rhea’s head, heart, soul and life as well.

* * *

Numb.

Rhea is too numb to express any sort of emotion, despite there being a torrent of them inside her. Thanks to her brother she didn’t have to linger around to talk with the attendees in the aftermath of the trial. She stayed for under ten minutes until Seteth noticed her starting to flail as her mask was slowly cracking.

She was just too emotionally drained.

He had approached her and quite loudly declared, “Lady Rhea, please do not forget your other duties, time is of essence.” He gave the people around her, and Rhea as well, an apologetic smile. “My apologies for cutting your time short, I’m sure you would have enjoyed relieving some tension here with everyone.”

She nods, hiding her gratefulness and follows him uncharacteristically demurely.

When they’re alone, several hallways further, he faces her. ”Go to her, I understand how hard this must have been for you, and as odd as it is for me to say this, I truly believe she can comfort you the best right now.” He gives her a soft smile. “I’m sure she missed you too, so she’ll be eager for your return.”

After Rhea gently squeezes Seteth’s upper arm and tells him how grateful she is they part ways.

She makes her way to her personal chambers almost blindly, the numbness in her heart threatening to grow into panic. She guessed that when she’d open the door and find Edelgard that she’d likely be unable to hold back her tears and be crying uncontrollably into the younger woman’s chest a few seconds later.

But when she opens the door the first thing she feels is relief, everything instantly becomes lighter when her eyes fall on the back of Edelgard, who is sitting behind her desk, drawing and sketching like she said she would.

She’s still in Rhea’s nightgown and Rhea feels a hint of guilt for not giving her something easier to wear, especially once Edelgard turns around to greet her and Rhea sees the white sleeves are now covered with mostly black smudges along with various tones of red and yellow.

“Hey,” Edelgard says gently. “Are you alright?”

Rhea shakes her head. “No… I thought I would burst into tears the moment I saw you but now that I’m seeing you… some of my pain is alleviated and uhm…I’m wondering, may I see what you’ve been drawing?”

Edelgard seems doubtful for a moment… no, uncertain, until a tiny smile blooms on her face and she gestures for Rhea to come closer.

When she closes in, placing a hand on Edelgard’s shoulder for comfort, and leans over her to see she sucks in a breath softly.

It’s… it’s beautiful.

Ah, so that was what Edelgard meant when she said she’d be sketching instead of drawing.

Nothing is perfect, it’s not precise, not single straight black lines but instead hundreds, if not thousands short and messy lines, never entirely straight but when they come together they paint a perfect picture.

It’s Garreg Mach, as seen from roughly halfway the height of the Cathedral, with in the forefront some of the various ornaments lining the towers. Then it goes over the halls and entrance of the Cathedral, the dining hall, the fishing pond on the side, behind that the garden.

In the far end are the dormitories lining just past halfway along the, with above them the only thing Edelgard has colored.

The sky.

In a smooth blur of reds, oranges and yellows, with hints of blue and purple along the upper edge of the paper.

Dusk? No, _dawn._

“I had to do it from memory, so I’m sure I got a lot of the details wrong, but I tried to make up for that by just adding a lot of lines in the areas I wasn’t sure of what it was supposed to look like, to make it look more generic… or smooth I suppose,” Edelgard tells her with a hint of uncertainty, sounding as if she has to defend her drawing.

“It’s beautiful,” Rhea murmurs. “I love it.”

“I mean it’s not perfect but-”

“It’s better than perfect. It’s real, it’s alive,” Rhea insists.

“Oh,” Edelgard hums stiffly. “But…”

“ _Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,_ ” Rhea echoes the stubborn girl from earlier this morning. “And what my eyes behold is beautiful.”

Now Edelgard flusters and her smile widens in vulnerable pride.

“I even drew you,” she almost whispers. “Along with Seteth and Flayn.”

Rhea has seen the various figures scattered around the pathways, generic and faceless but with enough detail to make out their uniforms and gender, but when Edelgard points out to a figure who is standing just outside the entrance of the Cathedral, at a slightly turned angle, she recognizes her own longer hair, white dress, mantle and the tiniest details of her hair ornaments.

“That’s you,” Edelgard murmurs softy, before pointing to two other figures walking side by side near the dining hall. “And those are Flayn and Seteth.” It’s not hard to tell their distinct appearances apart from the other people in the drawing, the details are small and rough, but they’re no doubt her brother and niece.

“I… Thank you,” Rhea mutters and realizes with a start her numbness has vanished and her emotions are now threatening to spill over. “You drew us… that means so much to me.”

Edelgard takes another look at her drawing. “I’m supposedly better at drawing portraits, but I always feel I can never get those quite right. Too many details. Too many imperfections, too difficult to draw someone just perfect… but this… with this I can sketch entire sceneries filled with details that look recognizable. It makes sense.”

“You do, it looks wonderful,” Rhea agrees. One thing stands out to her however. “Hmm, I wonder, why did you only color the dawn?”

“Because that might be my only regret left,” Edelgard says with a twinge of pain in her voice. “After I survived those experiments the dawns became my salvation. I was so often plagued by nightmares I’d wake up hours before daybreak, riddled with panic and covered in cold sweat. Often it would be impossible to go back to sleep so instead I’d just went somewhere where I could see the sun rise.”

Rhea feels the girl’s shoulders going tense and she instinctively squeezes her shoulder lightly, at which Edelgard makes a content and appreciative noise, leaning back slightly against Rhea’s chest, exhaling softly before she continues.

“I’d wait and wait, still trying to subdue the panic frantically, but once the first red hues would start to appear in the sky it felt as if the terrors of my night were burned away as dawn grew brighter and brighter. It felt like it would just… scorch away my past and let me start the day cleansed of those horrors. if only until night came again.”

Neither Edelgard nor Rhea had realized it but suddenly they both noticed wetness, tears drop onto Edelgard’s slightly bared shoulder as silent tears fall from Rhea’s eyes.

The younger woman flinches slightly yet continues after a moment of hesitation. “In my last days, no weeks even, at Enbarr, my last weeks of supposed freedom… I never really saw another dawn. I’d stay up too late for it to be proper to catch them or had risen so early that I was deep inside the castle when dawn would break,” she falters for a moment and then shrugs. “It didn’t really matter either way, my bedroom was on the wrong side of the castle, the sun rose on the other side so I couldn’t really see the dawns.”

Rhea watches Edelgard shove the paper further up and onto the side of her desk and when a tremor runs through the girl’s body and a quiet sob escapes her throat Rhea realizes that Edelgard too is crying. “So I think my only regret is that I didn’t take the chance to see another dawn while I still could, while I was still free to do so.”

Rhea’s body runs cold with agony and a strained wail rises in her throat, yet it gets stuck there as her sorrow makes her clamp shut and she chokes on the sound before panting heavily.

It is enough for Edelgard to turn around and when she noticed Rhea’s expression to abruptly get out of her chair and embrace her tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Rhea sobs, eliciting a gentle, “Shhh,” from Edelgard, but Rhea continues on. “You went through all these horrors and there has been so much pain in your life and I just had to listen to those emotionless _idiots_ stating all the things you did wrong without a hint of empathy, of understanding… without any sadness over of all what was done to _you,_ ” she sobs and stammers. “I hate them, they make me so angry. How _dare_ they,” she sneers coldly, with undiluted rage, straight through her own sounds of crying.

Edelgard moves her head back slightly and kisses her forehead and then both of her eyes with equal tenderness. “Did they say anything about me that was wrong? Or something that was a lie?” she asks with a sad smile, her own tears ebbing away with only a few rolling down her cheeks.

Rhea shakes her head. “No, but they don’t understa-”

She gets interrupted by lips pressing against her own and it’s unexpectedly calming, the kiss only lasts a few seconds but by the time Edelgard breaks it she has Rhea’s full attention.

“Only you understand, my Saint. They don’t understand because I don’t want them to understand me and so they only did their job, their merely treated me like the faulty cog in a machine that I’ve become, don’t blame their indifference towards me on them, in the end it’s just how everything fell apart… or came together.”

Her words are harsh and they hurt, but the pain is most of all because they are true, and Rhea feels more tears well up in her eyes, unable to speak or even form words.

She’s vaguely aware she’d being led to her bed and before she knows it she’s snuggled safely against Edelgard’s warm body again, where the other woman holds her close and lazily rubs her back while Rhea’s face is pressed into her neck.

She exhales softly as she feels the tension and stress leave her body.

“But I want to talk with you and be with you, I don’t want to sleep,” she tries when Edelgard’s intention finally gets through to her, but her protest is weak, she already has her fingers twisted in the fabric of Edelgard’s clothes and the girl’s warmth is making her feel safe and content and unable to resist.

“Hush, we can do that in a while, you’re in no state to have a merry chat, you’re too exhausted right now… and I could use a nap myself. Besides, I want to hold you like this for a while, so relax and let’s put talking off until the both of us feel better again,” Edelgard chides her gently, pressing a kiss on her forehead while doing so.

Inwardly Rhea struggles but feeling Edelgard’s body against her makes her feel so warm and safe, making her realize how truly exhausted she is, and that she’s already halfway into falling asleep.

Finally Rhea relents and lets her mind drift off. “Stay with me,” she murmurs drowsily.

She feels Edelgard tense up slightly, although in her sleepy state she doesn’t have the vaguest idea why.

“My soul will always be with you Seiros, and my blood runs through your veins, moves along with your heartbeat,” she hears Edelgard whisper softly.

The words register, but the pain behind them don’t anymore, as sleep takes Rhea in its hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? *checks notes* Only 7,5k words? What am I? Weak?
> 
> No it's a bit of an in between chapter as the next chapter will have the lewds I had planned *checks notes* five chapters ago.  
> And you know how I get with lewds.
> 
> Also my headcanon is that Rhea is a secret neatfreak, her own little control issues, fight me. She has exactly 3 handpicked cleaners who come by twice a week and get exactly two hours to clean her entire room and do every chore. Sometimes, when Rhea returns she finds dust in a corner or an item placed back wrong and she spends some time considering replacing her staff, only to realize that doing so would be painstakingly difficult so she just gives them a little raise instead. The cleaners know it's not a treat but a threat.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and lovely comments. You feed my megalomania beautifully.


	17. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a fucking month and with good reason! a good two weeks ago I had nearly finished the chapter and then my laptop crashed and I had to force a reboot. Normally my word autosaves every ten minutes but apparently because of the crash it decided to load an old autosave over the last, which meant my chapter went from over 9k words to barely over 1k. And those 8k words were NOT easy to write;__;  
> I spend at least 3 days in absolute despair as I tried every method in the book to recover my original document, downloaded various programs, all to no avail, then spend several more days unable to yield and rewrite the damn thing because I had a lingering fear I would somehow magically stumble upon the document once I had done so, then spend a few more days simply simmering in anger before finally giving up and rewriting everything. 
> 
> So thanks for your patience, still it pales in comparison to my anger :'''')

If Rhea thought she had been stealthy and covert while she was waking up she was very wrong about that because even though she had been so sure she hadn’t moved a muscle at all, she hadn't been fully conscious for more than five seconds before she heard a rather demanding sounding, “bath,” being muttered into her shoulder.

She can’t help but grin. “Impatient,” she chides playfully.

“Hmm, now,” Edelgard insists groggily.

“No, food first.”

“Whaaaat, why?” comes the mopey reply.

“Because it’s _almost_ time for dinner,” Rhea lectures the noisy girl. “And I’m not planning to get out of the bath ten minutes in because we got hungry,” she explains. “Also I’m not planning on leaving my chambers tonight anymore either, so I might as well go now and go get some extra food.”

Edelgard rolls over while grumbling, “fine,” in resignation before grinning. “Going to make it an all-nighter, huh?” she teases.

Rhea feels her cheek redden and is out of bed a moment later, to the audible disappointment of the girl still lying there. “That’s it, I’m going. You just… lie there or something,” she mutters as she tactfully avoids looking in the general vicinity of the bed.

“Sounds like a plan,” Edelgard chuckles.

It’s a miracle Rhea still has half a mind to take a quick look in the mirror, she considers to herself. When she does however she sees the fading traces of her slightly reddened and swollen eyes, reminding her she had been crying earlier.

It causes her to still as she remembers the mood before the both of them fell asleep roughly an hour and a half ago. One look at Edelgard, who has now turned to lie on her side once more and has her face pressed into a pillow, eases some of her tension as the girl seems completely unaffected.

She glances back at herself and sighs when she sees how messy her hair is, _with_ all her ornaments still in them… for better or worse. With practiced ease she deftly takes them out and leaves them on the dresser.

“Alright, I’ll be back shortly,” she tells the limp girl lying in her bed.

“Hmm bring sweets please. Not candy or something… cake, I want cake,” Edelgard mumbles into the pillow as she raises her hand in a dismissive wave into the general vicinity of where she heard Rhea’s voice come from. “It’s urgent.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Rhea responds curtly and then chides the other woman again, now for wanting sweets for dinner. Yet she is still smiling once she’s out of the door and in the hallway.

She almost stumbles over her own feet when she recalls how Edelgard told her just a day ago she never let herself eat anything sweet as Emperor out of fear of losing control and instantly she feels like crying all over again.

But no, she has to shake the thoughts, the feelings, if not for herself then for Edelgard. She can’t spend Edelgard’s remaining time crying because of every single thing the younger woman does, her breakdown over the drawing was bad enough as it was.

With some effort she manages to make it to the quarters she shares with her family with her mind in one piece and no tears on her cheeks.

Unfortunately dinner isn’t there yet, as it’s a little too early.

Even more unfortunate, her brother and niece _are_ there.

And now she has to cook.

She tries to make it seem like she knows what she’s doing, which she doesn’t. Not at all.

It’s not like she has never cooked before, she could even make decent meals at one point but it’s been quite some years since she had to do so and all of a sudden she just cannot remember the correct times and amounts for any dish she once knew how to make from memory.

It’s the pressure, surely. She knows they’re watching her. _Judging_ her.

Omelets it is then.

She’s getting close to breaking into tears _again_ because halfway into the progress of making omelets nothing is working as she expected it would when Flayn gently tells her to put the fire a little lower because ‘then they’ll be done more evenly’ like Rhea had been trying very hard to do.

“Thank you,” she mumbles, terribly embarrassed as she tries to get her hand holding the handle of the pan to stop shaking.

“No problem, is there anything else I can do?” her wonderful niece asks her.

“Yes, I need sweets,” Rhea stumbles out in one breath. “Cake or desserts or something like that and I am not dressed to go to the dining hall. Could you maybe go fetch some?” she dares ask Flayn.

“Of course,” she responds. “Desserts… as in for two?” the girl hums innocently.

Rhea glances at her brother, who is silently judging her from where he’s sitting at the table and flashes her a small grin, his way of saying _‘I told her’._

“I… yes Flayn, for two please… as much as two can eat, if you could. …And then add extra to that.”

Her niece barely has the patience to nod before eagerly hurrying out the door to grant her aunt what she asked for.

…Which means she’s alone with her brother.

She manages to focus on the eggs in the pan for barely a few seconds before her eyes impulsively dart to Seteth, who is staring at her intently without a shred of care for her rapidly rising stress levels.

“That’s a lot of food you’re getting. Going to make it an all-nighter hmm?” he prompts mercilessly.

She fails to restrain an exasperated groan, as he just has to echo Edelgard saying the same thing minutes before. “Can we not do this? Please?”

“I just wanted to suggest that you might want to add some fruit while you’re out here foraging,” he continues airily and gestures to the bowl with fruit they have sitting on the dining table. “It’s not healthy to gorge yourself on nothing but sweets, you know,” he says with a serious nod.

“Thank you,” she bites back, yet she cannot hide the small smile on her lips. “Any more advice?”

“Don’t have sex with the prisoner again.”

Rhea chokes on her own breath before hissing angrily at her evil brother. “I should have known better than to ask.”

Seteth merely shrugs. “It’s not like you ever heed my advice,” he states nonchalantly. “Honestly sometimes I wonder why you insisted on naming me your advisor, I’m not sure anyone finds that a believable title for me.”

“Perhaps give me actual advice then,” Rhea snaps, still not over his earlier comment.

“Of course.”

He is silent for just a few seconds before he speaks up again. “Your eggs.”

“My _what?_ ” Rhea blurts out with a disappointing lack of dignity.

Her brother flashes her a confused look. “Your omelets? You’re forgetting them. Don’t let them burn,” he explains reluctantly and now visibly worried.

“Oh.” Right, the omelets, omelets which are made of eggs.

Seteth gives her a long questioning look. “Do you… do you have some kind of emotional history with eggs?”

“No… no please forget it,” Rhea tries with far too much on her mind already to deal with this now.

“I won’t.”

“Wonderful.”

With that she goes back to work on her omelets.

Although there is not much ‘work’ to do so instead she’s awkwardly staring at the pan while occasionally prodding the eggs with the spatula in an attempt to look busy and capable.

It makes her restless, nervous even, as it’s not enough to keep her mind at bay.

“Salt.” She hears coming neutrally from behind her yet his voice startles her enough she almost drops the spatula.

“Sorry,” Seteth apologizes awkwardly, clearly not sure what is going on with his sister. “I just wanted to tell you you’re forgetting the s-”

“Salt,” Rhea finishes for him. “Yes, thank you,” she says, trying very hard not to sound annoyed.

Luckily Flayn comes back not long after with what is an impressive amount of desserts and other things that will surely last them until breakfast and then some. She even got two glass bowls covering them so they won’t go stale.

“You made quite an effort,” Rhea praises her and Flayn grins cheekily in response. “You have my gratitude.”

A few minutes later her omelets are done and on buttered bread and Rhea even managed to snatch some fruit from the bowl, and even made tea she as well, so once everything is on the large tray Flayn brought with her she thinks she’s ready to go.

“Well, I’ll be returning to my chambers then,” she tries saying nonchalantly.

She gets a smile and a nod from Seteth.

“Good luck with your slumber party,” Flayn tells with a smile while sounding almost dutifully and empathic.

Rhea almost drops the tray.

_The what?_

Briefly she wonder if it was Seteth who told her that’s what it should be called or if Flayn came up with it herself, because if it’s the former she has some yelling to do later.

But not now, so she turns around slightly and thanks her, thanks the both of them – although she doesn’t miss the amused grin on her brother’s face and shoots him a conveying, _‘I’m not forgetting this’._

With that she’s out the door and makes her way through the hallways as quickly as possible before her thoughts can get to her.

_What if Edelgard doesn’t like the eggs?_

_Oh no. What if Edelgard will make yet another egg joke? That would be much worse than if she doesn’t like the omelets._

_Who is so pathetic to tell your guest, who is not having the best time of her life and only as but a few dinners left in her life to look forward to that you’re off to bring back dinner only to come back with_ omelets!

_Omelets, the pity meal of any noble who suddenly finds themselves in need of dinner yet with no one to cook it for them._

_On buttered bread no less!_

Before Rhea’s thoughts can spiral out of control she’s at her door again, where she gives herself no time to pause and think, lest she’d find herself stealing a better dinner from someone else, and after struggling slightly to open the door with her elbow she briskly steps inside.

Much to her relief, Edelgard didn’t’ fall back asleep and is even out of bed and sitting in one of the two chairs standing on each side of a small round table Rhea had placed in front of the window some years ago.

“I figured you’d appreciate if there would be no repeat of the breadcrumb tragedy we had this breakfast,” she jokes with kindness in her voice. “So I went through a lot of trouble dragging myself out of bed,” she grins mischievously. “All for you,” she adds with what Rhea considers a disproportionate amount of pride for such a small feat.

She realizes she was already smiling before she was even aware of it, along with a pleasant, familiar surge of warmth forming in her chest. “Thank you for your effort,” she says earnestly, choosing not to address the proud smile on the younger woman’s face as she makes her way over to the table and places the tray in front of Edelgard.

A few tentative seconds pass as Edelgard inspects the contents on top of the tray and Rhea can feel the dread building inside herself.

_What if… what if… what if…_

“Oooh, omelets!” Edelgard exclaims with innocent happiness. “I haven’t had those in ages,” she explains and smiles, her expression eager, almost giddy. “Oh, and so many sweets and desserts, this is amazing,” she continues happily, her eyes wide with childlike wonder as she meets Rhea’s eyes.

Rhea breathes out heavily in relief, not even realizing she had been holding her breath.

After taking the seat opposite of Edelgard the both of them eat in comfortable silence, with the occasional bout of pleasant and light small talk.

Rhea finds herself wondering if this is what it would feel like, this familiar and safe normalcy, if she and Edelgard were to have breakfast and dinner together more often, with much less worries on their minds and on the horizon.

She wishes for such domestic bliss so desperately.

She shoves the thought roughly aside and focuses on her eggs again.

Which she doesn’t eat fast enough as Edelgard finishes her plate much sooner than she does, although that just seems to be convenient for the girl as she now eagerly eyes the array of sweets Flayn picked out for the both of them. 

With her hand hovering above a slice of cake with strawberry filling she hesitates and glances at Rhea, a question in her eyes.

“You can,” Rhea tells her with a small grin. “No need to ask for permission.”

With a pleased nod Edelgard takes the slice of cake and begins to eat it. The sight is unintentionally comical to Rhea as Edelgard is visibly torn between her need to wolf the whole thing down as fast as possible and taking the tiniest of bites to savor each mouthful of flavor.

In the end she manages a little bit of both and so the both of them finish their food around the same time. Rhea makes short work of putting the leftover food under the glass cases again while piling the empty plates and cups on the tray and hiding them from sight somewhere near the door, a problem for later.

When she turns back around she finds both herself and Edelgard standing in the middle of the room and promptly the both of them turn to feel awkward, shy even, as now there really is only one thing left to do.

“Bath?” Edelgard finally suggests after a long bout of silence.

“Yes, bath. Thank Goddess,” Rhea utters in relief.

She still feels hesitant and everything feels forced but luckily Edelgard has little problems feeling like that and almost merrily makes her way to the bathroom, with a tense Rhea scurrying close behind her.

There Edelgard begins to pluck on the hem of her dress and now does quickly turn awkward, even scared.

Abruptly she rigidly lowers her hands to her sides. “I can’t do it,” she says, her voice hoarse.

Rhea is by her side a moment later. “You don’t have to,” she tells her gently as she grabs one of the girl’s hands with both of hers and begins to idly play with her fingers. “You don’t have to bathe if it’s too much, or you could do it alone, or-”

“No,” Edelgard interrupts her as she shakes her head. “I _want_ to. I’m just afraid you’ll hate me, or that you’ll be disgusted and want nothing to do with me anymore…” her voice trails off and the last words were nothing but a fragile whisper.

Rhea grabs her hand more firmly. “Please give me some more credit than that,” she insists almost sternly. “And yourself as well,” she adds. “If I could handle your outrageous personality then I’m more than confident I can handle your body, because your body is you, no matter what it looks like.”

With her free hand she gently cups Edelgard’s chin and moves her face upwards so their eyes meet. “And remember, you were the one who told me that some part of you knows that how you see yourself possibly is much worse than it really is, and that you wanted me to see you and tell me how I see you so you could tell if you really were wrong.” She presses a kiss to the younger woman’s forehead. “And I want to do just that, because I’m confident that if there is nothing inside you that could deter me from wanting to touch you then it’s impossible for there to be something on the outside of you that can deter me. I mean, you do remember I can turn into a Dragon, right?”

Edelgard’s cheeks have reddened and while she’s smiling tears are welling up in her eyes.

“And if all else fails I will uphold my promise and bring you your axe,” Rhea finishes with a small grin on her face as she squeezes Edelgard’s hand again, causing the girl to chuckle.

She exhales and the tension in her body seems to leave her. “Alright, I can do this,” she says firmly. “No, wait. _You_ do this,” she tells Rhea instead.

“Me? You want me to undress you?” Rhea questions, slightly bewildered by the sudden request.

Edelgard nods. “Makes it easier,” she explains. “I trust you… and I don’t want it to feel like I’m making a show of it or something,” she mutters.

“A-alright.” Rhea suddenly feels as if the most important and delicate duty she could think of has just been shoved onto her without warning. It should make her feel incapable to perform such a daunting task unprepared.

But instead she feels quite confident, even assured that the trust Edelgard has put in her isn’t misplaced.

“Come,” she says tenderly and gently tugs Edelgard closer with their conjoined hands.

The younger woman moves to lean her head on Rhea’s shoulder and grasps the fabric of her dress with one hand, something that would make undressing her a lot harder but hopefully Edelgard will let go by the time it’s needed.

As much as she can in this position Rhea bends her knees so her hands can reach the bottom of Edelgard’s nightdress and from there she delicately rakes up the fabric, purposely keeping her hands against Edelgard’s skin the entire time as she does so, which makes the younger woman shiver against her.

It isn’t until her fingers stroke across Edelgard’s hips that she realizes something is off. …Literally.

Rea makes a noise of confusion. “Are… are you not wearing any undergarments?” she asks with disbelief lacing her tone.

The mirthful chuckle she hears muffled into her shoulder tells her all she needs to know.

“Have you not been wearing any the entire time since I warped you to my chambers?” she asks with astonishment. Surely she should have noticed that… right?

Edelgard moves her hear back a little so she can look at Rhea while she speaks. “Well, you didn’t give me any when you gave me this nightdress,” she explains, amusement audible in every word and a twinkle in her eyes that deny Rhea any hope the girl might have a valid reason…or at least feel bad about herself.

Rhea sputters indignantly. “You… you _absolute_ heretic, don’t you have _any_ manners, you utter scoundrel with no shame,” she rambles on, her cheeks flushed and too embarrassed for reasons she honestly can’t really explain herself.

Edelgard only laughs. “I admire your consistency in keeping things civil and proper, however seeing as you are currently in the act of undressing me I feel that chiding me for not wearing enough clothes is sort of moot now,” she grins without a hint of shame. “Besides, who cares? I couldn’t leave from here and this gown reaches to my ankles, not like it would be noticed.” Her grin widens. “ _You_ surely didn’t notice until now.”

The girl has a point, it’s a bit late to make an issue about it now, except… She gasps, feeling aghast when the truth dawns on her. “Oh, you enjoyed that, didn’t you? Being in an inappropriate state of undress the entire time while I had no idea,” she accuses Edelgard of, who now begins to laugh in earnest. “Maybe,” she teases, a mischievous look in her eyes.

Rhea begins to sputter insults and reprimands again but Edelgard hushes her by putting one of her fingers to Rhea’s lips, which immediately works to silence her, much to her own chagrin. “As I said, the value you hold in propriety is something I admire but we were in the middle of something… something not all that proper, which you didn’t seem to mind at all may I add, and you’re _ruining_ it, dear Archbishop,” she teases.

With Edelgard’s finger still pressed against her lips all Rhea can do is nod.

Edelgard seems pleased with her silent surrender and with a smile she removes her finger from Rhea’s lips, who immediately misses the touch.

But she has work to do and now uses both of her hands to pull up Edelgard’s dress with ease. Edelgard does find it in herself to be helpful and lets go of Rhea’s clothes as she raises both arms upwards to make things easier for Rhea.

Once Rhea pulls the nightdress over Edelgard’s head she immediately presses the length of her body against that of Rhea’s, who finds the warmth and softness of her touch not at all unwelcome but slightly distracting as she struggles to remain focused on pulling the sleeves of Edelgard’s dress over her hands.

When it’s finally done and Edelgard is freed from her clothes, Rhea carelessly tosses the garment to the side, the thing quickly forgotten, and instead wraps her arms tightly against the girl currently pressed against her.

Her body feels slightly tense but she doesn’t seem anxious or frightened and Rhea decides to give her the time she needs, gently stroking her back with both her hands, occasionally feeling welts and scars under her fingertips which she politely ignores. With the quick way her fingers brush over them she can’t be certain but they feel more like scars as results from injuries in battle than surgical scares. It would make sense as very little surgeries are effective to be done from the back, with the spine and ribs covering most organs.

Against her she feels Edelgard relax as she sighs softly.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Rhea mumbles affectionally into her hair.

A short moment later she feels the younger woman nod against her shoulder before she takes a deep breath.

With that she takes two steps away from Rhea while simultaneously averting her gaze as she turns her head to the side and her two arms move to cover her body.

But instead of covering the two areas a woman would usually cover when naked and feeling exposed, Edelgard instead presses her hand over the skin covering her womb and the skin between her breasts.

It hurts to see, especially as her hands aren’t nearly large enough to fully cover the scars she’s trying to cover.

Still, Rhea momentarily forgets the hands as she can’t stop her eyes from darting over all of Edelgard that she can see. There are deep white lines –clearly surgical in nature- from the top of her arms all the way to her wrists. The same is true for her legs, and no doubt those are present on the back of her legs too, as that’s where all the muscles and veins are. They must have really needed access to the inner workings of Edelgard’s body, probably to ensure whatever concoction, whatever _poison,_ they got into her bloodstream got everywhere it needed to be.

And then the scars on the front of her body. Some are clearly from battle, other –shallow incisions- don’t seem to make much sense. Then there are a few deeper incisions directly above certain organs. But the most prominent scar is the one Edelgard is trying to cover. A large T shaped scar, the horizontal line spreading just above her breasts while the vertical line goes down between them, all the way down below her bellybutton, where Edelgard’s hand is covering the tail end.

She takes a moment to feel warmth and a familiar fondness fill her as her eyes fall on the Crest of Seiros marking the skin of Edelgard, while feeling the magic between them was the strongest proof she could get, seeing the Crest itself does give her a true sense of belonging of sorts.

Rhea still isn’t one to make sense of her feelings quickly, and her feelings are currently a jumbled mess to make matters extra difficult, but after having made the same mistake several times now she does find it in her not to remain silent awkwardly long.

“You look beautiful,” she says steadfastly, and it’s an understatement.

Carefully she takes a step closer and places her hands on those of Edelgard, who is still not looking at her. “Can I see all of you? You have nothing you need to hide from me,” she says softly and waits for permission. 

The permission comes in the form of a few subtle but rapid nods while Edelgard is still determined to keep staring at the ground beside her.

Confident she will not mess this up Rhea gently peels away Edelgard’s hands and holds both of them firmly in her own.

It reveals the full Crest of Flames on her chest, which looked more like it was etched in underneath her skin, if the slightly jagged lines are anything to go by, compared to the more organic shape the Crest of Seiros underneath her breast –along with how all Crests normally look.

The other thing Edelgard was hiding turns out to be a mess of lines below her belly button. A case of a badly stitched up job along with the incision clearly having been reopened multiple times. It makes anger swirl inside Rhea, as it would no doubt have hurt tremendously, while the people who did it had obviously been careless about the surgeries, and likely all of Edelgard. Once she considers that this mess of scars, which seem to run deep, might just be the reason of Edelgard’s infertility she feels her blood run cold.

How _dare_ they?

How dare they experiment on a child like this? A child who could have been killed along with the rest of her siblings. All for the grossly forbidden reason of implanting an artificial Crest of the Goddess inside her. And for what reason? Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth it.

“I’m not really beautiful, am I?” comes the soft and achingly vulnerable voice from Edelgard, who had at some point turned her head and was now taking in Rhea’s expression. “I told you, I don’t want to make you lie...”

“What? No, you really are beautiful. Incredibly so,” Rhea insists fiercely, suddenly afraid she might have overestimated her ability to get the truth behind her words across to Edelgard.

“But you were _gawking,_ ” Edelgard says stiffly, pursing her lips in discomfort.

Oh… yes she was. “My apologies, I might have taken a moment too long to try and make sense of how your scars came to be,” she explains hastily.

Edelgard furrows her eyebrows. “I don’t want that,” she says quietly. “Nor do I want your pity. I just want your honest opinion.”

“I meant it when I said you’re incredibly beautiful,” Rhea affirms once again.

Edelgard raises her eyebrows and gives Rhea a skeptical look. “But what about the scars?” she all but demands.

Because of course Edelgard sees her scars as some sort of barrier between herself and what people think of her.

“They’re beautiful too,” Rhea says without thinking, yet meaning it wholeheartedly, because Goddess do they make Edelgard look beautiful.

One look at the suddenly tense and mistrusting expression appearing on Edelgard’s face tells Rhea that was a very wrong thing to say.

“Scars aren’t beautiful,” she states without any room for discussion.

But they are, to Rhea at least. Especially on Edelgard, who has endured so much and suffered through so much yet came out so strong, with the scars on her body almost telling the tales of her past. They make her look divine in a way, as surely someone with such markings on their body has been elevated above a human and now holds strength and experiences only a divine being can bear.

Another thought crosses Rhea’s mind, or rather more like a strong feeling, an urge.

She realizes she really wants to touch Edelgard’s scars. Feeling the marred skin as she strokes them with her fingers, perhaps even her mouth…

And then her mind freezes as she promptly realizes that whatever beautiful tale she just spun about Edelgard’s scars… it spurs from the not so proper fact that Rhea apparently finds Edelgard’s scars incredibly attractive, along with the rest of Edelgard.

…And that’s really not an appropriate feeling to have now, is it? To feel attracted to a part of someone’s body which was imposed on them in such a traumatic way, something Edelgard is still traumatized from to this day. She doesn’t _want_ to feel attracted to someone’s trauma.

Having not been born into human form and rarely even getting personal enough with a human that their beauty was something Rhea had to consider, she hardly ever found herself attracted to a human body. She found many of them beautiful, sure. But more in an… aesthetically pleasing way, usually with clothes adorning their bodies to enunciate certain types of beauty. …But now she finds herself feeling attracted to the body of another human, in such a way she can’t help but yearn to touch her.

Goddess, what is wrong with her? And more importantly, how is she going to convince Edelgard she finds her beautiful along with her scars without it sounding… inappropriate.

“Uh,” she utters and immediately decides that was a bad way to start. “You really look beautiful,” she repeats once again, only to realize this is the third time she’s said this without adding anything to back it up and it’s rapidly losing any impact it might have held once. “With the scars,” she tries and then freezes because she feels she said something terribly wrong. “Also without the scars,” she mumbles awkwardly. “What I mean to say is that no matter how you look, you look beautiful.”

No, that makes no sense whatsoever. She curses herself inwardly as she cannot seem to stop herself from flailing around pitifully.

Edelgard too seems to be of the opinion she’s not really doing a good job. “What are you trying to tell me?” she asks, tense and with growing suspicion.

“Your scars add to you,” is what slips from Rhea’s mouth.

“They _add_ to me?” comes the almost wary reply now.

“Yes.” Rhea curses inwardly again. “I mean no. They would have also added to you if you didn’t have them.” Oh _Goddess,_ please someone stop her from talking nonsense.

“Aha,” Edelgard says dryly and clearly unimpressed.

Rhea finally decides to stop floundering as she tries to talk around the truth and simply admit her struggle to Edelgard, before she damages something between them irreparably. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to express properly to you how beautiful you look to me, along with your scars, without feeling like I’m hurting you terribly,” she confesses, forcing her herself to look at Edelgard to proof she’s being genuine and not a coward who doesn’t want to face her own flaws.

“Hurting me?”

“Yes… because I like how they look on you… your scars I mean,” Rhea murmurs, her cheeks flushing in shame as she can’t keep the guilt out of her voice. “But they’ve been forced upon you in such a horrible way and have haunted you for so many years that I feel so horribly guilty for feeling that way.” She’s fumbling terribly with her words and lost all sense of composure she had, but at least she’s being honest and maybe Edelgard can get mad about her honest but inappropriate feelings, rather than feeling hurt and insecure because Rhea’s lies come across as not liking how she looks. “I find myself thinking things like how your scars reflect who you are and the struggles you’ve been through, or how they make you look so strong and uh… real? But that’s not fair to you at all, you never wanted to go through any of that, or bear the marks that you have as a result of your pain.”

“I find how you look to be incredibly beautiful, but I don’t know how to do so… respectfully,” she finally whispers, a hint of shame in her voice and her cheeks flushed dark.

There is a silence that feels like hours to Rhea as she awkwardly stares at the ground, unable to look Edelgard in the eyes out of fear of what she might find there. She doesn’t even remember when she lost the courage to look at her, but it only serves to make herself feel more pitiful.

But then finally she hears a sound and it’s… laughter? At first it’s a soft chuckle but seconds later Edelgard is truly giggling. “Oh, this is just hilarious,” she laughs, her voice full of amusement and not any hint of anger or accusation. It’s what gives Rhea the courage to look up again and meet the other’s eyes.

“Hilarious?” she questions feebly.

Edelgard nods. “Yes, first of all because you’re an absolute idiot,” she chides playfully and then sobers up slightly. “But more importantly, a large part of the reason I even have these scars is so they could turn me into a weapon to take out, well… you,” she says with a small grin. “And the irony of you liking how these scars make me look so many years later… well let’s just say I really wish I could rub that in the faces of the people who did this to me.”

Rhea finds it in herself to smile as relief washes over her that Edelgard is apparently not angry with her over clumsy attempt at expressing herself, yet quickly grows worried when Edelgard breaks into a burst of giggling again as her eyes look filled with mirth. “I must say, you did a magnificent job at butchering how you really feel, and while it’s really nice of you to feel guilty about and frame everything so respectfully, when it comes down to it you just think my scars look really hot, don’t you?” she teases mercilessly, a wide grin plastered on her face.

Rhea immediately flusters. “I wouldn’t call them hot,” she mutters stiffly.

“Hmm, that’s just because ‘hot’ doesn’t fit in with your old-fashioned vocabulary, old lady.”

Feeling slightly miffed at being called old-fashioned –and _old-_ Rhea narrows her eyes, yet cannot find it in herself to argue with Edelgard about it. “So you truly aren’t upset then?” she asks, still slightly afraid of the answer.

With a smile Edelgard shakes her head. “No, I much rather have you enjoy how I look, and admittedly the guilt you felt about feeling like that was truly appreciated as well, than… the opposite of which I was afraid. That you would find me repulsive.”

Rhea sighs in relief. “Alright, good. Because I want to like you however you want to be liked, and I don’t think I could ever find you repulsive.”

“Pity,” Edelgard grins. “I suppose that means the axe won’t be needed then. A shame, as I was looking forward to that part.”

“Edelgard, _please,”_ Rhea all but begs her.

“Oh, don’t worry, there are other things I’m looking forward to equally as much,” Edelgard hums innocuously.

“Like what?”

A mischievous look crosses Edelgard’s features. “Tell me Seiros, do you want to touch my scars?”

Rhea finds herself momentarily at a loss of words. Yes, but no, wanting to do such a thing would be rude… inappropriate… but _yes._ Tentatively she glances at Edelgard and her expression tells Rhea that if she tells Edelgard anything else but that she really wants to, it won’t be taken seriously. “Heavens, yes I do,” she breathes out. “If you want me to, that is,” she adds hurriedly.

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

“Oh, alright then,” Rhea all but stammers and then fails to come up with what she’s supposed to do next.

“Hmm, there is one thing I demand before I let you though,” Edelgard muses with an air of secrecy.

“Of course, anything,” Rhea nods, not wanting to make Edelgard uncomfortable in any way.

“You must be naked too,” Edelgard tells her nonchalantly.

“ _What.”_

The younger woman pouts at her in such a way that Rhea knows for sure she’s doing solely to purposely get under her skin, yet the girl manages to achieve that result anyway. “It would only be fair,” she nearly whines.

“You’re evil,” Rhea chides her sternly.

“So I’ve been told,” Edelgard retorts with a chuckle.

And so Rhea promptly caves in to her demand.

Unlike Edelgard however, Rhea never had much trouble being naked. Sure, it wasn’t really appropriate within her role as Archbishop, but those were social conventions, not a reflection of her personal issue on the matter.

A moment later she almost casually begins to undress, taking off her tights, and undergarments in one smooth movement. Her long dress ensures the act doesn’t reveal anything but still she hears Edelgard suck in a breath.

“Oh. You’re really doing it.” Edelgard’s voice sounds comically monotone, nearly completely flat.

Rhea stops and looks up to the younger woman. “Well, should I stop then?” she asks with a pleased grin.

“No… no don’t. I just uh, didn’t expect it to be this easy.”

Rhea narrows her eyes at the girl. “Did you just call me easy?”

Edelgard shoots her a glare in return, which isn’t very effective as her cheeks are very red. “You know what I meant,” she glowers.

“Hmm,” Rhea hums unconvinced. Still, she resumes her act of undressing.

With practiced ease she grabs the bottom of her dress and smoothly drags it upwards to take it off, dragging the bindings around her chest –which she had already done rather loosely- off along with it as well.

When her dress is almost off, the garment around her head and obscuring her vision momentarily as she begins to pull off the sleeves she hears Edelgard speak.

Bluntly so.

“Alright, those are breasts.”

Rhea promptly has to struggle not to laugh at the odd comment while simultaneously having to finish taking off her clothes.

Once she tosses the garment to the side and her vision is no longer obscured she shoots Edelgard, who looks suspiciously flustered and whose eyes are firmly trained on said breasts, an amused look.

“Did you somehow miss I had those all this time?” she wonders. “Or did you think that as a Dragon I came without them once I took on human form and was wearing pads or something?”

“No, of course not!” Edelgard sputters. “I just never really noticed breasts could be so… enticing.”

“Enticing?” Rhea repeats as she raises her brows, terribly amused by Edelgard’s awkward moment of self-discovery as she realizes what breasts do to her.

“Prominent,” the younger woman tries again.

“Prominent,” Rhea echoes stoically, causing Edelgard to fume.

“Stop it! I just never saw any before, aside from my own, and well… I guess I kind of understand now why men make such a fuss about them, they uh… draw one’s attention.”

“Aha.”

“Don’t ‘aha’ me!”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think this one is on men,” Rhea gleefully tells the flustered girl. “You just really like breasts,” she points out to Edelgard not so delicately.

“I don’t!” Edelgard insists fiercely, yet then seems to deflate a little. “Alright, maybe I do… a little, and only yours.”

“How sweet of you to say that.”

She receives an angry growl in return.

“Oh, don’t be so embarrassed, it’s perfectly understandable. I mean,” Rhea says as she gives her own breasts a gentle squeeze, “mine are kind of… generous, aren’t they?”

“Don’t do that!” Edelgard yells at her, now beyond red and looking very close to try and make a run for it.

“My apologies,” Rhea says, yet she can’t help but chuckle and her apology doesn’t sound sincere at all because of it.

And she can’t help but take it one step further either.

“Then perhaps would you like to touch them instead?” she teases, purposely echoing Edelgard’s earlier comment about her own scars.

She’s rewarded with the rather comical sight of Edelgard rapidly going through various emotional states. First there is that rebellious denial, as she seems to find the sheer notion utterly preposterous. Then a more stoic expression crosses her features, likely because she comes to the uncomfortable conclusion she might indeed really want to, yet refuses to acknowledge that to herself. It’s followed by annoyance, then a flicker of despair and finally… surrender, which comes in the form of a long, frustrated sigh. “Dammit I do,” she mutters under her breath.

Rhea has roughly half a second to feel amused before Edelgard is on her, using her hands to press Rhea back against the wall as her mouth finds Rhea’s in a rough kiss.

This was rather unexpected to Rhea, who fails to do anything but let Edelgard kiss and touch her however she wants, as her mind struggles to be of any use all at once.

Edelgard’s fingers dart almost skittishly over Rhea’s sides for some moments until she gives in and decides to take what she was offered. When her hands find Rhea’s breasts she’s much less skittish and Rhea cannot help but groan against Edelgard’s mouth as the younger woman squeezes them in a way that’s just perfectly rough.

She repeats the motion, eliciting an undignified “Nhgh” from Rhea, who is too distracted by the warmth and softness of feeling Edelgard’s body pressed against her own to do anything about her reactions resulting from the pleasurable sensations Edelgard’s hands are making her feel.

All she can get herself to do is weakly grasp on to Edelgard’s back, her fingers digging into the other woman’s skin as she presses her even closer against herself.

Edelgard keeps up her ministrations, slightly altering the way she’s touching Rhea, switching between roughly kneading to firmly massaging her breasts, causing Rhea’s legs to tremble underneath her as she struggles to keep breathing.

It isn’t until Edelgard draws back her hands slightly to pinch her nipples that Rhea breaks their kiss with a sharp hiss, her head moving backwards and bumping into the wall behind her.

Edelgard doesn’t seem at all concerned by any pain the impact might have caused Rhea’s head. “Oh, I like this,” she murmurs hotly against the skin of her jaw. “I like this a lot. Look how willing you are. Almost helpless, really.”

Rhea wants to make a sound of protest, as somewhere her pride is hurt, but all that comes from her mouth is a whimper, a very wanting one.

“That’s what I thought,” Edelgard grins against her skin, who somewhere has dropped any feelings of embarrassment or shyness and is now all confidence and in her element.

Resigning to the fact she does feel quite helpless, but also really has no problem with that, Rhea relaxes as she stops trying to hold back any noises that Edelgard’s touches elicit from her, panting and gasping with the occasional moan in-between, while her hands move to stroke Edelgard’s back encouragingly “Please don’t stop,” she breathes out shakily.

“Hmm, you’ll have to make me if you want me to stop,” Edelgard tells her in response and quickly claims her lips again.

At once Rhea’s mind is a mess, along with the rest of her body which is becoming increasingly desperate for more, with heat pooling in her stomach and the nerves in her body coming alight with electricity.

She vaguely recalls this really wasn’t what she had intended, she just wanted to tease Edelgard, make her fluster a bit more.

But now she really cannot find it in her to stop anymore, in all honesty she only wants more.

Edelgard doesn’t seem to be in any rush to move things along however. Her touches have become more rough and the way she’s firmly kneading Rhea’s breasts is sending pleasurable shocks down her stomach, but even though the sensations make Rhea squirm and pant while also making her feel utterly relaxed as she melts into the touches it leaves her body wanting and eager for a release of the tension building inside her.

Somewhere along the centuries she had forgotten how sensitive her breasts were, and how much it turned her on when someone touched them, to the point that trying to resist her body’s desire was an almost futile battle.

“Please,” she rasps against Edelgard’s lips as she breaks the kiss. “I need more, _please._ ”

It sounds like begging. It _is_ begging.

It should embarrass her, hurt her pride and dignity, but she finds that it doesn’t at all, especially not when she manages to catch the way Edelgard is looking at her, eyes full of desire and longing and not at all as if she’s about to tease Rhea for begging.

Instead a small smile tugs on her lips, yet her eyes remain filled with a ferocity that makes Rhea shiver more the longer she gazes into them.

“Anything you need,” she murmurs and a moment later her lips find Rhea’s own again.

Not before long Rhea feels fingers trailing downwards along her skin, mercifully getting closer to what she wants so badly.

Edelgard isn’t cruel and doesn’t drags out the inevitable. Even with her eyes closed and her lips moving against those of Edelgard Rhea can feel how much the other woman wants to touch her like this.

Finally she feels tentative fingers beginning to rub over and around her clit, pressing against it as she plays with the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Rhea arches her back and with a needy moan she pushes herself into those fingers, needing more, more friction, more pressure, anything. It evokes a melodious giggle from Edelgard against her mouth, which only serves to make Rhea want to express just how much she wants this.

She gives herself over to the ragged pants and moans escaping her lips, whimpering when she feels those fingers move lower so tantalizingly, only to move back up shortly after.

Another giggle from Edelgard, this one almost mischievous, and with that she abruptly breaks the kiss only to put her mouth on Rhea’s nipple instead. The feeling on its own is divine but when Rhea finds the strength within her to open her eyes and peer down a surge of pleasure courses through her body at the sight.

With her eyes closed and her mouth sucking, kissing and licking Edelgard looks almost devoted in wanting to help Rhea get the most pleasure out of this. Her own cheeks are flustered and with the occasional moan from the girl vibrating against Rhea’s skin, makes it dawn on Rhea that Edelgard touching her like this might be as enjoyable for her just as much as Rhea enjoys feeling Edelgard’s hands and mouth move over her body.

Despite wanting more already, wanting release from that heat coiling inside her, Rhea lets the other woman play with her body for as long as she can withstand it, as she squirms and shivers against her.

She lasts somewhere in between seconds and minutes as she murmurs soft encouragements to Edelgard.

Eventually and inevitably, her body’s desperate need wins it from Rhea’s enjoyment of such a slow pace.

“Please,” she whimpers, having forgone all pretense of propriety and decency. “Please, Edelgard I need you in me, I need… just _you,”_ she breathes and pants.

She feels the girl grin against her breasts before she moves her head back to peer at Rhea with a mischievous and pleased glint in her eyes. “Tsk tsk, so impatient,” she chides Rhea with a smug smile.

 _“Impatient?”_ Rhea bristles, struggling to remain coherent with her mind in such an aroused state. “I’ve been –gnh- _very_ patient so far Edelga- _ah”_

 _“El.”_ The younger woman breathes, interrupting Rhea’s vain attempt at arguing with a stroke of her fingers teasing around Rhea’s entrance. “Call me El.”

“El?”

“Yes," the other woman breathes and trains her eyes on Rhea’s own momentarily, where Rhea catches emotions that run much deeper than simple lust or desire. “I’ll explain later, but I just really want to hear you call me that now,” she says with a flicker of need and even something inexplicable vulnerable in her voice.

“…El,” Rhea murmurs, testing how the name feels on her lips and quickly drawing the conclusion that it is much easier to beg and moan for Edelgard using this seemingly shortened version of her name than the full one, which rolls off the tongue much less fluently.

“El, please,” Rhea rasps hoarsely. I really want to feel you inside me.” She’s all but begging but it’s worth it as the effect is immediate. She watches Edelgard shiver with a look in her eyes that’s both fierce and tender. _Wanting._

With this new name to call Edelgard, Rhea had momentarily forgotten just where Edelgard’s fingers currently where pressing against her, but the sudden sensation of the tip of two fingers entering her jolts her back to reality with a loud audible gasp.

Edelgard doesn’t say a word yet intently watches Rhea’s face, looking for any sign of pain or discomfort, anything she might be doing wrong as she slowly, painstakingly slowly, slides her fingers inside Rhea.

The way Rhea struggles to keep her eyes open and meet the other woman’s gaze combined with how she cannot keep her mouth shut, with long and soft gasps and sighs of delight spilling from her lips, is apparently suitable evidence for Edelgard that Rhea is experiencing no discomfort, rather the opposite actually and with a last gentle push her fingers are as deep inside Rhea as they can go.

Then her fingers still almost completely, save for the barely noticeable feeling of the tips of Edelgard’s fingers pressing gently upwards in a slow but steady rhythm as the girl seems momentarily mesmerized by the sight of what she’s currently doing.

“You’re so wet,” she mumbles, subtly pleased and almost as if she’s in awe by that.

“Mhm,” Rhea breathes in return. “Very much so. I… I really want you.”

Curiously Edelgard peers into Rhea’s eyes, who struggles to keep herself quiet and not just demand to be taken already, as the feeling of being filled by _Edelgard_ of all people is enough to set her mind aflame. But the reluctant, almost unsure look in Edelgard’s eyes keep Rhea’s desires at bay for a little longer.

“You will tell me right?” she asks softly. “If I do something wrong or accidently hurt you.” A small uncertain smile tugs on the edges of her lips. “A-and maybe you could tell me what feels good, just what it is you like…and how to keep doing that,” she murmurs, her words an almost uncharacteristic display of willingly exposing her emotional vulnerability. Her cheeks fluster and she averts her gaze. “I really want to make you feel good,” she says with a longing in her voice that snaps something in Rhea.

“Of course I will,” she says hurriedly, almost harshly, in her attempt to get her feelings across. “For now just do what you think is right and if I want something more or less, or if something feels really good I’ll let you know.”

Edelgard nods, still not looking at Rhea and still with reddened cheeks.

So Rhea gently places a hand on the girl’s cheek and brings their faces together, the tips of their noses almost touching. “You’re not alone, we are doing this together,” she reassures the younger woman, who was apparently much more insecure than she led on as after she hears Rhea say those words to her, sheds all her insecurity and her eyes are filled with burning heat as she presses her lips against Rhea’s in a fierce, almost domineering kiss.

Rhea’s intention was to kiss the other back with equal ferocity, yet before she can fully do so she feels the fingers inside her retract only to be thrust into her again, and instead of a kiss her mouth opens in an unexpected whimper ending in a moan, which Edelgard immediately takes advantage of as she adds her tongue into the kiss, making Rhea quiver as she now feels the girl’s tongue swirl around her own inside her mouth.

Her last flimsy bit of hope to at least reciprocate in some way evaporates when Edelgard’s fingers begin to repeat their earlier motion. Once, twice and a third time they’re slow and tentative as Edelgard subtly figures out what to do by gauging Rhea’s –admittedly quite prominent- reactions to her movements.

Somewhere between the fourth and seventh thrust Rhea as already lost count while Edelgard has collected enough information to start thrusting into her earnestly.

“Yes, just like that,” Rhea rasps in between moans.

Her pace is fast, but not merciless and her movements are quick, giving Rhea delightful sparks of pleasure that evoke all sorts of noises from her, which seem to please Edelgard if the low purrs and hums Rhea feels against her mouth are anything to go by.

Edelgard’s free hand finds Rhea’s breast again, and somehow the way she kneads, massages and pinches the supple flesh works perfectly in tandem with the way her fingers thrust inside Rhea.

“Feel so good, El,” she pants.

It must be the ‘tells thing’ Rhea considers in her state of near deliriousness.

Without much conscious thought she spreads her legs to give Edelgard better access, which she gratefully makes use of as her thrusts become harder, deeper too from this angle.

It’s bordering on merciless now, and while the pleasure is wonderful the quick sparks deny Rhea a meaningful enough buildup, and with her insides so tense, and quite wet as well judging by the sounds she can hear –which she refuses to feel embarrassed about right now- Rhea craves any sort of build-up almost desperately.

“Edel- El, when your fingers are fully inside me, curl them upwards as you drag them back out,” she nearly stammers, the pleasure too constant to let her speak coherently. “Please, I… I want to get close,” she whimpers with need in her voice.

Without breaking their kiss Edelgard nods against Rhea’s lips, who thinks she can feel the other smile as well. She doesn’t get another second to dwell on that smile as Edelgard wastes no time to follow Rhea’s instructions with precision. When Edelgard is inside her at her deepest she stills her fingers for only a short second before curling them and do as Rhea told her to.

That pause, that moment of anticipation before she feels that long stroke of pleasure is what drives Rhea mad in the best of ways.

Her body screams in delight for finally getting what it’s been craving all this time. And _oh,_ it’s perfect. A part of her wants more, wants it faster and harder but even just like this she feels her muscles coil and her insides throb as her body begins to steadily build up towards an orgasm.

“Keep going –nhng,” Rhea struggles to get out. “I want you- ahnn- El, _Please.”_

She feels the hand playing with her breast move away from it and she has hold back a sound of protest.

Instead she feels the hand placed softly on her cheek, causing Rhea to open her eyes, which she can’t even remember shutting, and steady herself slightly to look at Edelgard’s wide eyes with dilated pupils, their gaze solely meant for her alone. It’s almost too overwhelming for Rhea to keep meeting her eyes, as the feelings behind them just feel so intense.

“You are just so utterly beautiful,” Edelgard says with awe and newfound wonder in her voice. “Like this, you’re so human and divine all at once,” she continues, visibly affected by this odd kind of beauty she seemingly discovered in Rhea, looking at her as if she’s some wondrous enigma. An enigma she wants to devour and push over the edge, which Rhea longs for as well.

A small voice in the back of her head tries to complain that there are many instances where Rhea looks much more beautiful. Clothed, for starters, preferably in lavish ceremonial garments and not naked with her hair a mess, her cheeks red, her body trembling as it struggles to remain upright as two fingers mercilessly do not let her regain any form of composure.

But she quiets the voice with ease. Maybe this is just what love is, finding beauty in the one you love when they’re in the throes of pleasure, showing themselves bare and their emotions exposed for you, such deep trust, and between the two of them, who both never thought they could learn to trust anyone this deeply, let alone this specific other, is an unparalleled beauty all on its own.

Rhea plants a short kiss on Edelgard’s lips. “Make me come, El,” she whispers against the woman’s mouth. “I want you to see me come.”

Edelgard stares at her with need for a second. “Can I do it harder?”

Rhea feels herself fluster as she nods. “Yes, take me however you want, let’s push me over the edge together.”

Her words crack something in Edelgard, a part of herself that she had been holding back, perhaps out of fear she would end up hurting Rhea if she wouldn’t, but now Rhea gave her free reign and the effects are immediate.

The fingers inside her thrust with much more ferocity, at a faster pace too, yet still keep that short moment of stillness deep inside her –now both a moment of anticipation and relief- before she curls her fingers and draws them back.

Kissing is no longer an option, as Rhea has to bury her head into Edelgard’s neck, along with clutching onto her shoulders to remain upright. Her legs are trembling so badly and a part of het just want to succumb to the floor and finish there.

Edelgard’s hands on Rhea’s breasts also aren’t an option any longer, as Rhea pressed their bodies against one another so tightly, all the while still remaining unsteady, that Edelgard snakes her free hand around Rhea’s waist to help keeping her steady.

Her mouth though… as Rhea has her face into the other’s shoulder it means that Edelgard’s mouth is free to speak… fairly close to Rhea’s ear.

Which she does, eagerly so.

“You’re doing so well, I can feel you getting closer,” she murmurs encouragingly.

Rhea makes an undignified whine in response, yet the surge of electricity coursing through her veins makes it all the better.

“More,” she rasps.

“More what?” comes the seemingly innocuous response, yet Rhea can hear the smirk on Edelgard’s lips present in her words. “More everything,” she groans. “More _you._ ”

Hmm, together you said right?” Edelgard hums, slowing her movements down just long enough for Rhea to whine, which abruptly gets interrupted as Edelgard nearly doubles down her rough ministrations, raking her fingers past all the spots that make Rhea’s inside clench and coil.

“A-ah!”

“You can take so much,” Edelgard marvels and Rhea might have taken it as a compliment if the self-indulgent pride wasn’t so evident in the woman’s voice. “Hmm, such a good girl,” Edelgard coos.

All at once Rhea wants to protest, but her body has other plans. Those damnable words, her own words used against herself no less, feel as if lighting hit her body and make her weak all at once. Delightfully weak and so willing.

Rhea manages a pathetic growl as a futile form of resistance before she lets herself surrender to the pleasure Edelgard is giving her.

She’s wet, she can hear it and feel it on her thighs, and every pump of Edelgard’s fingers coax more wetness out of her. It’s unsightly and just exactly what she wants.

She’s so lost in the pleasure, which is now steadily building inside her, with or without her being aware of it, she barely has the strength to speak anymore. “El, I’m so close, please…” she whimpers.

She feels the arm around her press her body more tightly against that of Edelgard. “Shhh, don’t worry,” Edelgard murmurs tenderly. “Just relax and let everything go.”

It’s… odd to be treated in a way to make her feel safe, to feel comforted, but it works and only serves to make her feel more aroused, as she indeed feels safe enough to give in to her feelings.

The younger woman nudges the side of her head against Rhea’s gently. “Come for me Seiros, I want to see you come.”

All Rhea manages is a strangled moan before she truly relaxes, her thoughts mostly leaving her as she puts her fate in Edelgard.

She’s a mess of keening pants and low moans yet she feels herself rapidly approaching her limit and suddenly she’s teetering on the edge. “I’m going to come,” she rasps hoarsely. “El, I’m _coming._ ” There are tears in her eyes, from desperation, from love, from everything. “Hush now,” Edelgard comforts her tenderly and with a few final long thrusts Edelgard pushes her over the edge.

She’s vaguely grateful Edelgard had the foresight to put her arm tightly around her waist as her trembling legs would have surely succumbed under her weight otherwise. She can feel her insides begin to convulse tightly around Edelgard’s fingers, who has slightly slowed down the pace but not the force of her trusts, prolonging Rhea’s orgasm in the most delightful of ways.

Rhea finds herself clinging onto Edelgard’s shoulders with desperation as wave after wave of pleasure surges through her body, and out of sheer need to ground herself someway she bites down into the skin of Edelgard’s neck, not hard enough to break skin but instead she copes with the waves of pleasure by sucking on the girl’s skin her loud moans and gasps muffled into Edelgard’s skin, who whimpers at the sensation in return.

Slowly the waves of pleasure subside and make way for the pleasant shivers of feeling her body comfortably pressed against the warm one of Edelgard, along with her mind feeling wonderfully devoid of worries.

“El,” she whimpers when she regains enough strength and coherence to let go of the younger woman’s skin. “El, I…I.”

She might have found back the ability to speak, but not yet the ability to think of words to say.

“Shhh,” comes the comforting voice of Edelgard and Rhea feels a spark of envy that the girl still has everything together so well. The envy vanishes from her mind quickly when the arm around her waist begins to brush up and down her back gently, making Rhea shiver. “You did so well,” Edelgard murmurs and Rhea detects a hint of deliriousness in her way of speaking too, of a dopamine rush that makes you say things filled with so much emotion you’d never say otherwise. “You were so beautiful Seiros, I loved seeing you like that so incredibly much.”

“Mhmm,” is all Rhea can muster, the sound muffled as she pressed her lips against Edelgard’s neck again. She should feel embarrassed, for called beautiful when she was so loud and desperate and a needy mess… and she would have under any other circumstances.

But not with Edelgard who, even when she couldn’t help but grin, was nothing but kind, devoted and simply _there_ for Rhea the whole time. Not a moment did she feel unsafe or judged, not even out of her depth. She just felt as _herself._ Herself at her most basic and primal, and Edelgard called that side of her beautiful.

It’s enough for a few silent tears to well up in her eyes, as in her heightened emotional state everything feels wonderful but also too much.

So they stay like that for a while, as Rhea lowers both her hands from Edelgard’s shoulders and begins to caress her back instead. Edelgard too slowly extracts her fingers and after a moment of hesitation, unsure of what to do, wipes the wetness on them off on her own hips with a soft chuckle, before returning the favor as she begins to move her hand alongside the other already there, up and down Rhea’s back.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed as she’s lost in these gentle touches while her brain slowly begins to work again, but she’s sure not more than a few minutes have passed when she hears Edelgard speak up.

“So… about that bath?” she wonders with a hint of amusement.

Oh. The bath.

The bath which is still _empty._

The bath which need quite some minutes to fill up.

She moves back her head.

“Yes, bath,” she nods seriously. “Now.”

“What? _Now?”_ Edelgard sputters and promptly makes even more sounds of protests when Rhea breaks their embrace, makes her way over to the bath and begins to fiddle with the faucets. “Yes, now,” she repeats, tying to convey to the other woman the topic is non-negotiable.

With a mopey groan Edelgard surrenders and soon finds herself standing next to Rhea as she peers into the bath, which has just begin to fill as Rhea turned both faucets in the way she has learned will heat up the water to an agreeable temperature.

Edelgard crinkles her nose. “It’s going rather slow,” she says dryly.

“I know.”

“We should have timed this better.”

“Perhaps, but I feel that adding timing to the act of sex takes out some of the passion in it,” Rhea hums, vaguely aware such words would usually fluster her.

Edelgard is quiet for a while. “I suppose you’re right.” Then she shoots Rhea a quizzical look. “Or… it adds a bit of tension to it,” she says with an air of secrecy.

Rhea doesn’t know if she wants to know what the girl means, still she flashes her a curious look in a silent question.

“I bet I could make you come again before the bath is full.”

Rhea bristles. “ _No,_ ” she says curtly. “Not a chance.”

Edelgard frowns. “But-“

“No, I mean it. I want to enjoy this bath with you with at least some of my mind still working.”

Edelgard frowns even more and crosses her arms, yet sighs in resignation. “Fine,” she mutters. “Spoilsport,” she can’t stop herself from adding begrudgingly.

Rhea has to suppress a smile at the girl’s… she’s not sure what to name her current mood…impatient eagerness?

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she explains gently. “It’s more that I’ve been really looking forward to sharing a bath with you. To just relax and feel that comfort and warmth of the water together with you.” It sounded perfectly normal in her head but now that she said it out loud she suddenly discovers how intimate it sounded, along with how intimate it felt. “I need some of my mind left intact for that, along with yours.”

Edelgard too seems to be affected by her words as her frown fades and with flushed cheeks she stares at the ground. “A-alright. I can wait for that.”

Silence falls between the two of them once more as they awkwardly watch the bath fill up, the water in it which by now still is only the depth of a finger at most.

“I’m getting cold,” Edelgard states loudly, not even looking into the direction of Rhea, who sighs wearily.

With an annoyed “Urgh,” she picks up a startled Edelgard and places her on a wooden chair next to the bath, then moves to a cabinet to retrieve a large towel and a brush before making her way back to the miffed woman eyeing her warily from the chair she has just been deposited on.

“To cover yourself with,” Rhea explains as she drops the towel in Edelgard’s lap. Without another word she moves to stand behind her and with the brush she begins to delicately comb out some of the knots in Edelgard’s hair, which aren’t all that many, much to her surprise. Edelgard must have really made an effort to keep up some resemblance of taking care of herself with the shoddy comb she was left with in the prison cell.

Still, it makes the process easier… and also more comforting, as Edelgard breathes out a content sigh and slumps slightly in the chair to make herself comfortable, while Rhea gently combs through her white locks.

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Edelgard tells her after a while. “To distract me and stop me from complaining.”

“Mhm,” Rhea hums in confirmation.

“Well, it’s working at least,” Edelgard grumbles.

And so the two of them lose themselves in the simplistic intimacy of the act, Edelgard with her eyes closed and Rhea humming softly as she uses both her hand and the comb to neatly arrange the younger woman’s hair with all her focus.

Which causes them to slightly lose track of time.

…And the bath.

“Seiros…”

“Hmm?”

“Uh… the bath.”

Rhea nearly drops the comb when her eyes dart to the bath.

It’s full alright. Almost too full. Fuller than she’d fill it for herself normally.

She groans in annoyance when she realize that this time it’s not just her but an _extra_ person who she’ll have to share the water with.

The water, which will surely splash over the edges and make the entire floor a large puddle if Rhea doesn’t drain some of the water.

So a deeply irritated Rhea finds herself draining some of the bathwater, with a very rude Edelgard behind her who won’t stop giggling.

When it’s finally at an acceptable level she throws in every herb and oil she likes for good measure.

“Are we to be the main ingredients for your bath soup over there?” Edelgard quips, eliciting another groan from Rhea.

“Actually, yes. Get in the bath, main ingredient.”

“What? No, you first.”

Rhea shoots the girl a weary look. “Why?”

“Because I say so,” Edelgard retorts as she places her hands on her hips in defiance.

Rhea has half a mind to start this verbal confrontation with Edelgard and argue that that’s not a valid argument but can’t bring herself to care.

With a shrug she leaves Edelgard to enjoy her defiance on her own and with a few graceful movements steps into the bath, taking a moment to admire the warmth pooling around her ankles before sitting down and making herself comfortable by leaning back against the rounded corner.

She peers at Edelgard, who suddenly seems a little antsy.

“Is there something wrong?” she asks.

“No, no not at all. It’s just… been a while,” the girl mutters before tentatively sweeping one leg over the edge of the bath and only dipping in her toes and a small part of her foot, almost as if she’s afraid the water will burn her, or swallow her or something.

But it doesn’t and with a sigh of relief and a more easy and confident expression Edelgard hoists the rest of her body into the bath as well, sitting down abruptly and creating a splash that _just_ wets the floor beside the bath a little bit, much to Edelgard’s visible glee.

She’s sitting in the middle and after awkwardly looking to Rhea and then back to the other side she reluctantly begins to make her way over to that side.

“No,” Rhea tells her curtly and without warning grabs the girls waist, turns her so that her back is facing Rhea’s front and presses her tightly against herself.

Edelgard, who had stifled a yelp and gone rigid relaxes quite suddenly once she fully leans back against Rhea.

“Hmm, yes those are definitely breasts,” she says, sounding as if she’s in deep contemplation and rubbing her back against Rhea side to side for added effect.

Rhea buries her head in the girl’s shoulder in an attempt to muffle her laughter.

“Do you need a moment alone with them?” she teases. “Just so you can take some time to deal with this new and apparently _shocking_ revelation of your newly discovered fondness for breasts.”

“No…no, I’m alright,” Edelgard responds demurely and slightly embarrassed. “Besides, I much prefer them when they’re attached to you,” she adds with much more mischief.

“How kind of you to say.”

“It’s a compliment you know,” Edelgard insists almost sternly. “It only shows I fell for your stunning personality rather than your stunning bre- body,” she scoffs.

Rhea chuckles. “I guess I’ll take what I can get in terms of compliments then, though tell me, which part of my ‘stunning personality’ was it that you first fell for?”

Edelgard makes a soft noise of amusement, making Rhea wonder what odd answer the girl will come up with.

“The way it made me feel so delightfully excited each time I managed to make you angry,” she tells Rhea with pride.

Ah, naturally.

Well that _is_ how it all started between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was admittingly rather hard to write Rhea's reaction to El's scars... and then having to write it AGAIN, as liking a part of someone's body they don't like themselves can go both ways and has to be worded respectfully to the other.
> 
> It was also admittingly really fucking funny to write Edelgard's reaction to breasts. *takes one look* *sighs* "Ah, fuck, I like dem pope tiddies, I liked dem pope tiddies all along. I went to war against these magnificent pope tiddies, godfuckingdamnit."
> 
> On a more personal yet equally hilarious note, a week or two ago my mother and I had a discussion where she claimed I hardly ever share everything about myself, to which I responded she's always quite clear she's really not interested in most things I do. After a good talk and some mother daughter bonding my mom now tries to 'involve' herself in my interests, which, and you might have seen this coming, led to the following:
> 
> "Hey daughter, are you still writing that story you told me about a few months ago?"  
> "Yes, it's gotten quite a few reviews and likes too, it's been really fun."  
> "Oh good! Where can I subscribe to it?"  
> "...what?"  
> "uh.. I don't know how to call it, but where can I find it, I want to read it."  
> I must have stared at her in quiet agony for a good few seconds before I uttered a strangled "...no."  
> My mother, visibly confused at this point asked me why, as I told her I liked it when she showed interest in my hobbies.  
> "I like to tell you about them mom, I do n o t want you to engage in them."  
> Something finally dawned on her when my younger sister was howling with laughter in the kitchen at hearing this exchange.


	18. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who aren't here at all for the story but for the thrilling update on my shitty health instead. After finally being the number one on various waiting lists I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia (some hip kind of arthritis), scoliosis (My spine is as straight as me) and subconcious chronic hyperventilation (like the anxious mf I am). None of which is curable but the symptoms can be reduced to very little with proper treatment and physiotherapy, so that was fine.. I guess.
> 
> But I also got a very very unpleasant research where they made me wear a gag ball with a hole in it and put a finger sized tube down my throat to take 'bites' out of my stomach and intestines', causing me to feel like a tentacle hentai protagonist for a good few minutes.  
> Either way, I got the results a few days back and apparently I also have celiac disease, which is an auto-immune disease basically means that if I am in the general vicinity of gluten my intestines go ??? and stop working, taking in no nutrition whatsoever from what I eat and this means I have essentially been starving since march, hence the constant weight loss, loss of strength in muscles, extreme fatigue, constant muscle pains etc. Apparently it's a small miracle I'm not dead yet, according to the doctor who explained it to me. I pointed to the 'God won't let me die' text on the hoodie I was wearing for the occasion, which weirdly enough didn't at all seem to comfort her.  
> And so it wasn't '''withdrawal symptoms'''' from medication I had stopped, which some psychologist insisted for like three months. Gluten are in stuff like bread, noodles, pasta and anything with dough and if you're Dutch like me you know we like our bread and probably put in extra gluten in just for funsies, so I'm a little miffed because from now on I don't get to eat like 70% of the stuff I liked from the fucking supermarket.
> 
> thanks for reading my tedtalk-turned-rant, or rant-turned-tedtalk. I am very angry.  
> To put things more emotional: I WANT MY CHINESE TAKEOUT, I WANT MY INSTANT NOODLES, I WANT MCDOOOONAAALDS.

Bath proved to be an excellent way to shut Edelgard up.

Although not for very long.

Just when Rhea was enjoying not thinking much about anything in particular Edelgard just had to break the silence.

“So… what was it exactly you told Flayn we did?”

Immediately Rhea stiffens up and finds herself at a loss of words. “Uh... well.”

“Ah,” Edelgard says dryly and so unsurprised Rhea has to wonder just how lowly Edelgard thinks of her conversation skills. “That bad huh. No wonder she insisted she wouldn’t repeat it out loud.”

“I’d rather not repeat it either,” Rhea murmurs awkwardly. “It sort of… slipped from my mouth in the heat of the moment.”

Edelgard is silent for a moment, making Rhea fiercely hope she’ll relent and drop the topic.

“I want to know.”

Of course her hope was in vain.

“Please, I really don’t want to.”

She feels her leg being pinched. “That’s not fair, it involved me so I have the right to know,” comes the rather demanding response.

Rhea remains silent, internally debating if she should come clean or not.

“ _Seiros.”_

“I said you put your mouth between my thighs.”

There. She said it in a flare of courage. Courage which is now rapidly evaporating, especially when Edelgard remains deadly silent and unmoving for longer than Rhea’s mind can handle.

When the girl finally speaks her voice is devoid of any emotion. “Please, don’t tell me that was the only thing you said we did.”

“You wanted me to tell _more?_ ” Rhea asks in disbelief.

“Seiros, that’s _not_ the point,” Edelgard hisses, now finally finding her emotions again. “You coward! Only saying the one thing that makes you look good.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Rhea responds defensively.

Edelgard huffs in annoyance and crosses her arms. “Well I don’t know! It just doesn’t really make me look like the brave and heroic one, now does it? On my knees and basically serving you or something like that.” She sounds terribly embarrassed, much to Rhea’s amusement.

“I thought you were very brave and heroic,” she teases.

She gets a hefty splash of water aimed at her in return.

“You could have _at least_ added in the part where you put your knee in between my thighs,” Edelgard insists, clearly upset that her heroic image has been shattered.

“I’d really rather not.”

“I don’t care if you’d ‘rather not’. I want equal representation!”

“Well excuse me for not giving my niece a realistic explanation of my secret and very personal affairs with my prisoner.”

She hears a chuckle coming from the girl sitting against her, one that doesn’t bode well at all for Rhea. “You should have,” Edelgard tells her firmly. The amusement in her voice makes Rhea even more wary. “Just give her the full explanation, go all ‘Hey Flayn, did you know? If you put your fingers inside another woman repeatedly and curl your fingers _juuust_ right she gets this thing called an or-mrmph!”

Just in time Rhea managed to all but slap her hand over Edelgard’s mouth. If not she might just have tried to drown her in the bathtub.

“Some things do _not_ need to be said out loud,” she hisses into her ear as low and menacingly as she can. “Do I make myself clear?”

With Rhea’s hand still firmly clasped around her mouth all Edelgard can do is give a weak nod in affirmation.

Reluctantly Rhea lets removes her hand.

…And counts down from three.

“An orgasm,” Edelgard finishes stubbornly.

Now Edelgard gets a firm splash of water in her face as a reward, some of which makes it into her mouth and causes her to cough.

“Worth it,” she splutters hoarsely.

“You’re terrible.”

“Hmm.” The pride in Edelgard’s voice is tangible.

Despite Edelgard’s terribleness Rhea can’t help but feel oddly tender and kisses the top of her head affectionately, which reminds her. “Here, let me wash your hair for you,” she offers gently.

Edelgard scoffs and sounds insulted. “I can wash my hair myself, you know,” she utters defensively.

Rhea blinks and chuckles. “I know dear, I wasn’t doubting your ability, I only want to do it for you.” She rakes her fingers through Edelgard’s hair, with half of it still dry, and feels the girl shiver against her. “It feels nice if someone washes your hair,” she explains after showing Edelgard proof of her statement.

“Oh,” Edelgard mutters stiffly. “That’s fine then, I suppose.”

She remains silent as Rhea scoops up water with her hands to make the rest of Edelgard’s hair wet enough that shampooing it will work.

“I’m sorry,” Edelgard says softly just as Rhea reaches for the bottle of shampoo. “No one has washed my hair for me since I was a child, as I was unable to do it myself then… I guess I thought you saw me as helpless or something…”

“I’ve seen plenty enough of you to know that you are anything but helpless,” Rhea teases her affectionately as she kneads the shampoo into Edelgard’s hair.

Edelgard leans back against Rhea’s chest and looks up, smearing shampoo on Rhea’s chest in the process. “I guess I can be a bit of an overachiever,” she grins.

Rhea nods solemnly. “And a perfectionist.”

“Mhmh.”

“A try-hard, really.”

She gets gently elbowed in the ribs.

“Oh, and with such a temper too.”

Edelgard growls but is promptly silenced when Rhea puts all her attention into massaging the shampoo into her hair.

A moment later she sighs contently and relaxes into the touch. “Hmm, this feels nice.”

“I was hoping it would have that effect yes,” Rhea teases her again, evoking another upset noise from the girl, one that doesn’t sound very genuine.

She takes her time getting the shampoo in Edelgard’s hair. Way more time than necessary and much more intensively as well, but Edelgard keeps making soft sounds and sighs that Rhea can’t get herself to stop for quite some time and keeps going until Edelgard seems utterly at peace and with no tension in her left whatsoever

“So when you asked me to call you El,” Rhea begins carefully. “Was that, uh… only for that particular kind of occasion or…” she falters and trails off awkwardly.

Edelgard chokes on a laugh. “Oh, heavens no. That makes it sound really wrong now.” She shakes her head lightly. “No, it was what my family used to call me when I was young,” she explains and Rhea immediately get the wrongness of it not. “I meant to ask you to call me El earlier but well… stuff happened and then you revealed you also had another name, one with a much more impressive history than mine,” Edelgard continues and sounds slightly upset by that. “So I just hadn’t found a moment yet and… I don’t know how to explain this without it still sounding a little weird but I just felt so close to you that I really wanted to hear that name on your lips.” Much softer she adds, “It might seem silly, but it still means a lot to me.”

“It’s not silly,” Rhea says firmly. “My name was simply the name given to me when I was created, yours was one only the people who were very close to you called you, so it means a lot to me as well you’d let me call you that.”

“A-alright,” Edelgard murmurs shyly. “Thank you.”

On impulse Rhea kisses the top of Edelgard’s hair again, yet forgot about the shampoo and now all she tastes is shampoo.

With a noise of disgust she scoops water in her hands to try and get the taste of shampoo out of her mouth, under the melodious sound of Edelgard’s giggles.

“Don’t laugh at my suffering, girl,” Rhea hisses yet her grin is audible in her voice. “Now, let’s get the shampoo out of your hair before I fall for the same mistake twice alright?”

She had assumed she would just scoop water onto Edelgard’s head for a bit, but the girl apparently had another idea.

“Alright, give me a moment,” she states and a moment later sits more upright only to promptly bend forward and dunk her entire head underwater, keeping it there as she rakes her own hands through her hair with meticulous efficiency.

Only when her head emerges from the water does she hear Rhea laugh. “What?” she huffs warily.

“Nothing, you’re just… always so quick to find the most efficient solution and immediately commit to it without hesitation,” Rhea laughs.

“Are you telling me I washed my hair wrong?” Edelgard asks incredulously, clearly miffed by Rhea’s amusement.

“No dear, you did it perfectly fine,” Rhea reassures her as she stifles a chuckle. Without giving it any thought she wraps her arms around the girl’s waist to pull her closer against herself.

Both Edelgard and Rhea startle simultaneously when she accidently places both her hands on the scar across Edelgard’s torso.

She removes her hands hastily, feeling as if she has trespassed Edelgard’s boundaries. “Sorry,” she murmurs. “I forgot.”

She feels two hands grabbing her own and tentatively Edelgard places them back onto her stomach. “I don’t mind,” she says softly. “I was just surprised, no one ever really touched them before. Not after I got out of there, at least.”

Rhea feels almost sacred because of the sheer amount of trust Edelgard is placing her and relaxes her hands against the marred skin with the utmost delicacy. In response Edelgard lowers her body until her head is resting against Rhea’s chest, just underneath her chin, and peers up at her with a small smile which promptly causes Rhea’s heart to melt at the sight of it.

“You said you wanted to touch them, didn’t you?” There is just a hint of mischief in Edelgard’s voice, but it’s overshadowed by something much more genuine.

“Mhm.” Tentatively Rhea brushes her fingers up and down the length of the most prominent scar of the other woman’s body, feeling the way the skin is torn and very tight around the sides where it failed to heal itself properly. “Do they hurt?” she asks when she feels Edelgard shiver against her as she exhales slowly.

“No, but they’re very sensitive.” Edelgard grabs Rhea’s hand again and presses it more firmly against her skin. “They ache sometimes,” she explains, her voice a little distant. “When the weather changes too quickly or if I have strained my body too much.” There is a bout of silence and Rhea can feel the unspoken pain in the air. “But nothing that ever held me back.”

“That cannot have been easy.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Edelgard confesses. “It always makes it hard to forget about them.”

When Rhea presses her fingers into the skin on both sides of Edelgard’s scars and strokes the skin there gently Edelgard sighs contently. “Do that more,” she murmurs, her voice hazy and soft. “Feels nice.”

And so Rhea does.

Aside from the most prominent scar lining Edelgard’s torso she only has a vague idea where the others might be, and so she first fully focuses on her biggest scar. “Are they tense?” she says softly, bowing her head down slightly so her mouth is closer to Edelgard’s ear.

“Mhm, they always are, in a way.” Edelgard responds, slowly getting in a dazed state. “But if you massage them like that I can feel the tension leave.”

“Then I’ll keep doing that,” Rhea tells her affectionately. Edelgard presses her back more firmly against Rhea’s front, and Rhea feels the girl relax in her arms. “Please do,” Edelgard whispers. “I want to feel your touches.”

Rhea tries her best, but she’s no expert in how to massage tension out of scarred tissue. Still, she spends a long time stroking, brushing, pressing and kneading the scars themselves and the skin around them.

As a reward she gets the most wonderful audible sighs, gasps and even the occasional relaxed moan, which definitely do things to Rhea’s insides.

Still, she keeps going, exploring and discovering the landscape that is Edelgard’s body blindly until she finds smaller scars, some feel like mild battle scars, barely even noticeable under her touch, but even those get her undivided attention.

Sometime later, when Edelgard is fully in a daze and even more vocal than she was before, Rhea works her way back up to the horizontal scar just above the young woman’s breasts, the scar where they cut her open. The skin there is hard to massage, as it’s very close to the breastbone underneath, but still she finds way to ease the tension there.

Eventually though, she cannot resist her building desire any longer and slowly –to give Edelgard time to stop her- she slides her hands downwards until she’s cupping both of the girl’s breasts in her hands.

Silence, and no sign of dislike or tension, so Rhea dares gently kneading the soft breasts.

That does evoke a response from Edelgard. She inhales sharply, followed by a hazy chuckle. “I don’t believe I have scars there,” she says softly, and Rhea can hear the smile in her voice.

“Do you wish for me to stop?” she still asks, not entirely sure if Edelgard is comfortable with mixing the pain and the past that comes with her scars with pleasure.

“No, please don’t.” Edelgard looks up at Rhea to meet her eyes, causing Rhea to suck in a breath. “It feels so good Seiros,” she tells her hazily.

But the girls eyes. They’re dark and full of desire, yet… not the kind of desire that comes with a need for release. But still with how her body responds to Rhea’s touches, her sounds and her words, it’s evident Edelgard is very turned on, but comfortably so. 

It ignites the same feelings inside Rhea, feelings which she had been casting aside in order to focus on Edelgard’s body.

But now, joined together in this odd way of finding comfort while being aroused, she resumes playing with Edelgard’s breasts.

Her breasts turn out to be equally as sensitive as her scars, and apparently the reason as to why isn’t all that different.

Rhea feels Edelgard’s body go slack against her, with her hands holding on to Rhea’s knees to keep her from slowly sliding down and cause her head to submerge. But that’s all the girl can do right now, as the rest of her is steadily turning into a complete mess of shivers, trembles, gasps and moans which differ from short and frequent sounds to low and long moans that sound almost relaxing.

Time is lost on both of them as Rhea continues her ministrations, while Edelgard seems completely at ease, with her mind somewhere far away.

After some time Edelgard manages to have a thought.

“I want you,” she murmurs.

“How do you want me?” Rhea whispers lowly as she nudges her face against the top of Edelgard’s head.

“With your fingers and mouth…” Edelgard says and trails off. “…On my scars some more,” she adds, now slightly more aware of what she’s saying and sounding a little embarrassed.

“I would love to do that to you,” Rhea assures her, and definitely is already committing herself to doing just that. “But I think it would be easier for us to continue that in bed, if you want my mouth involved. I’d rather not have to come up for water ever minute.”

That elicits a soft giggle from Edelgard, yet she quiets down quickly, causing Rhea to feel there is more on her mind.

“Is there something else you want to say, Edelgard?”

Edelgard looks up to peer into Rhea’s eyes again, and while her pupils are still dilated and her eyes dark there so something deeper there, something with more meaning.

“I don’t just want your fingers and mouth,” she starts shyly, her voice terrible soft. “I want your nails and teeth on my scars,” she confesses in a fragile whisper.

Abruptly some alertness returns to her eyes. “If you wouldn’t mind, of course,” she adds hurriedly.

Rhea remains looking at the woman below her. The words stir many feelings inside her but they all boil down to _want._

Still, she cannot risk hurting Edelgard, and certainly not her mind, if she does this wrong.

“Are you sure, dearest?” she asks her. “I wouldn’t mind. Not at all, truly. But I’m afraid that if I hurt your scars then it might evoke painful memories for you.”

Edelgard grabs Rhea’s hands and wraps them both around her waist. “That’s exactly what I want… perhaps even what I need.” Her fingers wrap around Rhea’s hands and she holds onto them tightly while she presses Rhea’s fingers harder against her own skin. “All I have of these scars are memories carved into my skin, which are filled with the pain, suffering and fear which I couldn’t comprehend as a child,” she explains tentatively. “And I still can’t really comprehend them, when I think back to those days all I feel is a dark void. I can remember with clarity what happened, but that void encompasses all emotions when I think back of those memories, all I feel is a numb hollowness in that deep void.”

Edelgard gazes into Rhea’s eyes for a short moment. “I want that void to be filled with memories of _you.”_ Her tone is tentative and her cheeks are turning red but she refuses to break eye-contact. “I know that if you were to let me experience that pain again, or just a shadow of what it really felt like, I could let go of that emptiness and dread that always follows me. Because… because I trust you Seiros, more than anything. And if I choose to let you hurt me, safely and in a way I will likely find enjoyable, then perhaps finally I can leave all the hurt my scars have caused me for so many years behind me.”

She finally lowers her gaze and tightens her grip on Rhea’s hands. “I want to think of you when I think of my scars, instead of those who did it to me.”

Rhea too wraps her arms more tightly around Edelgard’s waist and presses her fingers deeper into the woman’s skin. “Then I will do it, with all my heart,” she says with determination yet notices her voice is so hoarse and choked up that she has trouble speaking. Her eyes feel moist and not a second later she feels a tear roll down her cheek.

Looking back on the many years she has been alive, not once has anyone ever put as much faith and trust in her as Edelgard is handing to her now.

“Come, let’s get out of the bath. I’ll dry you off and get us into bed,” Rhea says softly and carefully gets up from behind Edelgard and reaches for the girl’s hand to delicately help her out of the bath.

The process of getting Edelgard from the bad into the bed properly proves to be a messy affair, much to Rhea’s dismay.

Edelgard’s mind is in disarray and the girl is a flurry of excitement, impatience, unabashed longing, uncertainty, giggles and tender looks.

But her hair, along with the rest of her body is still very wet and Rhea will _not_ let the girl touch her bed until she has managed to dry her off properly.

Even with the softest towels and a weak spell to dry her hair faster, Edelgard still manages it to make the ordeal a challenge for Rhea.

“Are we done yet?” she mopes impatiently.

“No, stand still. I can’t dry your hair like this.”

“It’s fine,” Edelgard insists with a weary groan.

“It’s _damp.”_ Is Rhea’s curt response _._

She gets another frustrated groan as Edelgard crosses her arms and relents… just long enough for her hair to attain a level of dryness Rhea which can tolerate.

With a towel wrapped around herself and her hair messy from being dried with soft and warm wind, making it look endearingly tussled, Edelgard makes a much less battle-hardened impression and the only word Rhea’s sensitive heartstrings let her come up with to describe her is _cute._

She refrains from saying it, lest Edelgard will pout, because then Rhea will certainly say something to propel the other woman into action and she desperately needs these precious seconds where Edelgard is content with simply watching her to dry herself off.

Rhea is not someone who rushes things, she takes the time she wants and others simply have to accept that, but still she dries herself as efficiently as possible, with her mind already stuck in the near future.

When she’s done she carelessly drops the towel on the floor and grabs Edelgard’s hand to pull her closer, easily robbing the girl of her towel as well.

Out of habit Edelgard makes a faint attempt to cover herself before remembering where she is, and with who, and with a soft chuckle she smiles at Rhea and squeezes their hands.

It’s enough for Rhea’s own patience to instantly evaporate and she all but drags Edelgard after her, right through her office room and into the bedroom on the opposite side of the bathroom.

Edelgard makes various noises along the way but not of them convey any sort of reluctance she might be feeling so once Rhea has her close enough to her bed she picks up the smaller woman and throws her onto the soft sheets, where Edelgard lands on her back with a surprised yelp.

She gets roughly half a second to glower at Rhea yet any words she might have wanted to spew at her remain unsaid as Rhea wastes no time following after her and climbing on top of her until she’s straddling Edelgard with her hips, while she’s leaning on her hands placed next to the other woman’s head.

In an instant any protests Edelgard’s had die in her throat and she looks up at Rhea so hazily and content.

“Do you really trust me?” Rhea asks her, the emotion in her voice telling how important having Edelgard’s trust in her means to her.

Edelgard peers up at her and lets her gaze linger on Rhea’s eyes. The way she looks so at ease, with no tension or alertness in her eyes and only gentle longing and willingness says enough. Slowly she nods. “More than anything, I trust you not only with my life, but also with my soul.” Her voice is soft but the emotions in them run deep. Deep enough that Rhea can’t stop herself from kissing the woman underneath her.

Their kiss is slow, gentle and in a way, another way to communicate their feelings to one another, to establish trust wordlessly. Rhea moves her lips slowly against the soft but slightly chapped ones of Edelgard, who meets her rhythm in tandem.

When they break their kiss Rhea presses her mouth against the other woman’s forehead. Without thinking, out of habit. Just to show affection.

With her mouth lingering against the other’s skin she hears a soft chuckle coming from underneath her.

Curiously she lowers herself slightly to peer at Edelgard’s face and gives her a questioning look. The mischievous, almost cheeky, expression Edelgard gets, while looking slightly guilty as well, makes Rhea want to laugh. “What is on your mind, my dear?” she hums.

Edelgard’s cheeks fluster yet her mischief doesn’t leave her. “May I... try something first?” she asks with a hopeful glint in her eyes.

Her expression alone is enough for Rhea to make it unable to deny her anything. “Of course, what do you want to try?”

Satisfied with having gained permission Edelgard makes no further attempt to explain herself and instead uses her arms and body to clumsily wriggle herself downwards a little.

Right when Edelgard’s head is underneath Rhea’s chest she understands what the girl is about to do.

And indeed, two arms wrap around her shoulders and push her down, causing her breasts to nearly smother Edelgard’s face, who makes a noise close to a delighted sort of _purring_.

It evokes a laugh from Rhea, who lowers her head and can just rest her chin against the top of Edelgard’s head as she cannot stop herself from laughing, along with feeling such unbridled happiness.

“You idiot,” she murmurs affectionately against white hair.

Edelgard lets herself be smothered for quite some time but eventually she – _reluctantly_ \- lets go of Rhea’s shoulders and pulls back a little.

“Yes, I definitely like breasts,” she states so seriously Rhea can’t hold back another laugh.

"You're absolutely terrible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I yet again cut my chapter in half because I'm wrestling with writing the hardest sex scene in the history of mankind, but it's coming. So enjoy sexy bath-time shenanigans I guess.
> 
> On a funnier note, I'm close friends with an 8 year old girl, and also her babysitter. And she has her own switch and comes over to play a lot, and over the past year discovered this hot new thing called 'youtubers who talk about her video games' (She's a fucking pro in botw, holy shit. and I mean 'look I did a straight-to-ganondorf-no-extra-hearts-run' or 'I take down Lynels without taking damage) Either way, she saw a picture of Edelgard on my phone and went 'oh is that the girl from Fire emblem?"  
> "Yeah, do you know that game?"  
> "Uhu! Isn't she the girl who's a princess and falls in love with her teacher, which you play as, no matter if you are a boy or a girl, and then if you help her win the war you can marry her?"  
> "...Please don't tell me that's all you know of this game."  
> *shrugs* "It's all I remember"  
> "Oh, well it's not really like you're her teacher, it's a... uh.. military academy and she's 23 or something when you get married and you're her age and really just teach her how to fight." I struggle to say, not at all to make it sound better than it it because it isn't, but 100% because I want to keep the concept of 'crushing on your teacher and then wooing them to the point you get to marry them' out of the head of an 8 year old, holy shit.
> 
> "oooooh, wait I also heard there is an evil dragon woman who you can turn good again if you marry her, is that true?"  
> ".....yes."  
> "I want to marry the dragon."  
> "..........me too"
> 
> kid's basically a lost cause, by this point.


	19. Lasting marks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing more fun than going back to earlier chapters and realizing that YOUR WRITING STYLE HAS CHANGED. Commas are uses in a different way in Dutch and I've been applying both ways to this fic. Sooooo if you ever feel like rereading my fic the first 8 chapters or so already come with roughly 30% less commas! and less spelling mistakes too. God hath forsaken me. Worth hath forsaken me.
> 
> And uh... I remembered these things called trigger warnings but they just feel like trigger spoilers to me. I didn't use them previously but always made sure characters spoke of what they were going to do as I dislike even vague noncon, and I think communication is a very important red thread in this fic. So for the lewds in this chapter the only trigger warning is a small chance of a heart attack because they're so wholesome and vulnerable and endearing.  
> *hurriedly adds the 'eventual smut tag' to my story*

You idiot,” Rhea murmurs affectionately. “You’re absolutely terrible,” she chides Edelgard with too much love in her voice to make her words come across as even remotely believable. “Are there any more things you want to try?” she can’t help but tease.

“Mhm, no. I’m good for now,” comes the mirthful reply, a sheepish grin on Edelgard’s face.

Then the younger woman shifts her position underneath Rhea, crawling upwards, so they can see face to face and there Rhea watches as the mirth in her eyes is replaced by tentative curiosity with which she peers into Rhea’s eyes. “But, uh… I was wondering,” Edelgard continues, suddenly sounding much more hesitant and vulnerable it makes Rhea lean backwards slightly and rests her weight on her knees, her hands still planted next to Edelgard on the bed, so she can look her in the eyes.

“What are you thinking, dear?” she encourages gently.

Edelgard’s cheeks turn dark and she averts her gaze. “Would you be okay with binding my wrists?” she says awkwardly and in one short breath. “Tie them to the wooden framework at the top of your bed’s frame,” she adds more quietly.

Several thoughts course through Rhea’s head. She wants that. Definitely. _Very much_ so. But does Edelgard truly want that? And why? And what should she use…

“You don’t have to of course,” comes the hurried response from the flustered girl beneath her, who now looks almost guilty as she still won’t meet Rhea’s eyes.

Rhea reaches out to play with a strand of Edelgard’s hair, her knuckles brushing softly against the young woman’s neck as she does so. “No, I want to as well there is no doubt about that, but I was thinking if… if it wouldn’t be too much for you… I don’t want to make you feel as if you’re powerless,” she admits, doubt seeping into her voice. She’s genuinely terrified Edelgard might cry or have a panic attack if she doesn’t do this exactly in the way Edelgard needs it.

 _What if she does something wrong and loses Edelgard’s trust?_ The thought is unbearable.

“It’s not about power,” Edelgard explains, her voice small and her cheeks slightly reddened “It’s about control. I’ve always been so afraid of everything around me that I needed absolute control over it all, and most of all myself. I think… I would really like to let go of that feeling for once, and to trust you with having that control over me, even just a little.”

She reaches up to brush her hand against Rhea’s cheek, and the touch alone is enough to make her shiver after what Edelgard just told her. “I want to… let go of myself, of all the hurt I’ve carried with me for so long, over my scars and nightmares and my memories, if I can really let go then perhaps I can stop repressing all these feelings I’ve had within me but never let myself _truly_ feel.”

Her fingers trace over Rhea’s jawline as her eyes are focused intently on the sight of it. “And I can’t do that alone, I would lose myself,” she murmurs as her gaze finds its way into Rhea’s eyes. “But if you are here with me, to help me remember my edges, where I end and begin then you can keep me safe by controlling my limits. I think I need that to truly let go of something heavy, cold and hard that’s always been inside me.” A small smile lingers on her lips.

“Together with you, Seiros.”

“Then we will,” Rhea manages to say before she caves in to the overwhelming urge to kiss Edelgard, leaning in to press her lips against those of the woman underneath her. It’s gentle and slow, but deep and intimate. She lowers her body to feel the skin of the girl underneath her against herself and sighs contently against Edelgard’s lips as she feels her warmth against herself.

“Feeling your body against mine is so nice, El,” she breathes out shakily against the other’s lips. She feels so hot inside, and already aroused yet there is no need in her for release, instead she just wants to remain in this state as long as possible.

A part of her wants to keep herself atop Edelgard and leisurely kiss her until eternity dies but a tug in her mind tells reminds her she has already committed herself to do several other things and for one of those she still needs something to bind Edelgard’s wrists.

It’s not as if she keeps handcuffs or rope in her room and… _oh_ , the bindings she uses for her chest, those should work.

Summoning all her inner strength and willpower she breaks the kiss, much to Edelgard’s dismay if the displeased whine is anything to go by.

Edelgard is even more aghast when Rhea swiftly –yet still unwilling- moves of Edelgard’s body and steps onto the floor beside the bed. Their shared body contact is sorely missed by the both of them and Edelgard looks at her confused and almost helpless, which Rhea can’t help but find endearing.

“I’ll be back in a moment, I’m grabbing something from the bathroom,” she reassures the girl, who wraps her arms around herself protectively and pouts.

Rhea doesn’t run to the bathroom, because Rhea simply refuses to run, ever. She’s above that. Rhea is never in a rush, never late. It’s other people who rushed too much. But this time her pace is unnaturally fast compared to her usual floating steps and she struggles not to make herself get there even faster.

Once her eyes fall on the abandoned white bindings on the floor she grabs the string of fabric and is back with Edelgard only a moment later.

She crawls onto the bed again, and then back atop Edelgard, as she shows her what she brought. “I’m afraid you caught me unprepared,” she smiles amusedly. “But do you think this would suffice for your wrists?”

Edelgard’s eyes go wide when she understands Rhea’s intention and nods, almost eagerly so. “Yes, that seems perfect,” she responds with a blush. Turning to look shy but not at all uncomfortable.

“Good,” Rhea says and moves over Edelgard, planting a reassuring kiss on her forehead as she shifts position. Gently she grabs both of Edelgard’s arms and brings her wrists together behind her back.

Edelgard was already lying close enough to the bedframe –likely deliberately, Rhea thinks in amusement to herself- which means Rhea doesn’t have to get off her and help her move her body further upwards.

Pouring as much reassurance and gentleness in her actions and sounds she begins to wrap the long piece of white fabric around Edelgard’s wrists. Having pulled her wrists together after wrapping the cloth around them several times she tugs at it.

“Is this too tight?” she asks the girl.

“No,” Edelgard mutters. “Tighter please.”

Rhea feels her throat grow dry and her insides heat up solely because of the tremble in Edelgard’s voice.

“Very well.” She swathes her bindings around Edelgard’s wrist a few more times, each time stretching the fabric as far as it goes before swaddling it more tightly around the wrists.

A quiet gasp followed by a content “hmmm,” comes from beneath Rhea, reassuring her she did what she was asked to do well.

Satisfied with the result she tugs Edelgard’s wrists higher above her head and uses the remaining length of the fabric to secure Edelgard’s wrists to her sturdy wooden bedframe, the ornamental bars being perfect for this.

After looping the cloth tightly around a bar several times she ties the ends of it in a knot that won’t get loose if Edelgard would shift or wriggle her wrists a bit.

Still, both of them know full well that if Edelgard really wanted to she could free herself from her bindings in less than half a minute with ease. They aren’t meant to keep her prison, they’re meant to make her feel more at ease.

Rhea lowers herself so that she’s lying on Edelgard’s stomach again, crossing her arms on the girl’s chest and leaning her head on them. “Is this okay?” she asks softly as she moves both her legs to the outer sides of Edelgard’s own and presses them against the sides Edelgard’s legs.

Edelgard sucks in a breath at the sensation and looks at her slightly hazily. “It feels really good,” she utters softly and with a tiny reassuring smile on her face.

Rhea keeps looking at her for just a few extra precious seconds and feels her heart race by the mere sight of it. “So,” she eventually says, almost saddened she cannot take in Edelgard looking like this, exposed and vulnerable, but reassured and comfortable, for all eternity. “The fingers, lips, nails and teeth… are you ready for that?” she asks, and silently asks herself the same question.

Edelgard gives a soft nod. “I want it so much,” she says, her eyes open and a fire behind them and a tremble in her voice, making Rhea aware of the need the younger woman is feeling right now, and that she herself is more than ready to give Edelgard what she needs as well.

Her worries slip from her as she gives in to the sensation. “Alright, my dearest,” she says and swiftly captures her lips again.

Their kiss is still slow like the previous one, but there is a new intensity added to it, a need to deepen things without rushing them.

With her lips not leaving Edelgard’s, Rhea leans her weight on one arm so she has the other free to explore the body underneath her. Which she does so, tentative and carefully at first until she is more confident in what she should and shouldn’t do. She brushes her hand over Edelgard’s skin, stopping whenever she finds a scar, where she pauses to stroke it and presses into the scarred tissue with the length of her fingers, eliciting soft sounds from Edelgard until her hand moves on to explores the pale skin in search of the next scar.

Before long her hand finds Edelgard’s breast and she decides to pay attention to that first. Having her hands bound and her scars lightly played with has apparently been enough to make Edelgard sensitive and completely stripped any bashfulness as she moans at the contact, sounding delighted and almost relieved when Rhea kneads the supple flesh.

Unable to stop herself from adding her mouth to her exploration of Edelgard’s body she reluctantly breaks the kiss, eliciting a frustrated whine from the girl.

“I’ll use my mouth for better purposes,” she tells Edelgard as she briefly kisses her forehead before moving her head to the younger woman’s neck and begins to kiss every spot there as well as she can. She presses her lips just underneath her jawline and sucks lightly, then her throat which she kisses until she nearly reached the back of Edelgard’s neck, then moving up to kiss and lightly suck on that sensitive spot behind her ear, eliciting a yelp from Edelgard, as she arches her back.

“That good?” Rhea teases affectionately, her lips still on Edelgard’s skin.

“Mhm,” Edelgard struggles to get out. “More, please I need more,” she says in shaky breaths.

Rhea obliges and lowers her own body slightly, feeling Edelgard’s groin, and the heat stemming from it, underneath her stomach. She can’t help but take a moment to consider how lovely that feels.

But she has a task to focus on, as she can now use both her hand and her mouth to reach several prominent scars on Edelgard’s upper torso and arms.

Rhea focuses on the biggest scar first, the broad vertical line from Edelgard’s breastbone to below her bellybutton, and presses her mouth on it in the valley between Edelgard’s breasts.

A few tentative kisses has Edelgard already mewling for more again and so she adds her tongue to her kissing, swirling it around and over the scar as she faintly rakes her upper teeth over the marred tissue, evoking another wanting gasp from the girl beneath her.

She moves her mouth up to the horizontal lining of the scar across Edelgard’s chest, where she kisses as much of the scar as she can get her mouth on, licking and sucking, leaving bruises and red marks in her wake all the while.

Edelgard is lightly trembling underneath her and every sound she makes only serves to encourage Rhea to continue.

With her hand she traces the scar lining Edelgard’s torso downwards until she gets to the part that has been badly stitched up and is a jagged mess of lines, welts and broken skin unnatural angles.

Gently at first Rhea rakes her fingers up and down, pressing into or right next to the sensitive tissue whenever she finds a suitable spot.

She angles her fingers slightly upwards so that the tips of her nails can be pressed Edelgard’s skin. Removing her mouth from Edelgard’s skin Rhea briefly looks into her eyes instead, silently looking for permission to proceed. The hazy eyes and reddened cheeks say enough on its own yet the ragged, “ _Please,”_ is what fuels Rhea’s desire to do so the most.

Her mouth find the vertical scar again and after a few more reassuring kisses she sucks down hard on the scar tissue and the skin around it, hard enough to bruise a she keeps going. Simultaneously she presses her nails into the lower end of Edelgard’s scar, not enough to draw blood but enough that it should hurt.

With a groan Edelgard arches her back again, or tries to at least as all she’s achieving is grinding her groin into Rhea’s stomach, something neither find any issue with.

“Seiros,” she breathes in a gasp and with little care for propriety. “Please keep going.”

And so Rhea does. For a long time she’s solely occupied with Edelgard’s biggest scar, making sure not even the tiniest of spots misses her attention. Her nails, along with her fingers, prove to work excellent when it comes to giving Edelgard what she needs. For some time all Rhea does with them is massaging and pressing them into the sensitive scars and the tense skin around it, leaving Edelgard breathless and wanting.

Rhea takes to tracing the scar from the top down to as far as she can go with her own body in the way.

She does it lightly at first and slowly adds pressure. Finally she rakes her nail up and down the scar, causing Edelgard to yelp as a tremor courses through her body. “Doesn’t it hurt too much?” Rhea asks, carefully trying to map out the unspoken boundaries.

“It hurts,” Edelgard pants. “But not too much. It just feels really good, the pain only adds to that,” she murmurs shakily.

Rhea makes a low noise. “Hmm, then I’ll keep doing it,” shesays gently and slightly eager. She doesn’t even have to ask anymore at this point.

“Seiros, wait,” Edelgard says tentatively, causing Rhea to immediately stop and wonder if she did sense the mood wrong after all.

“Sorry, was it too much?” Rhea cannot help but worry.

“No, no on the contrary, I was wondering… would you let me tell you about them?” Edelgard says shyly, her voice achingly vulnerable. “My scars I mean. How I got them, what it felt like… things like that.” She raises her head lightly to look Rhea in the eyes. “You don’t have to of course, it might be a bit… uncomfortable to you. I don’t want to unnerve you,” she adds with a hint of shame.

Rhea wonders if she can keep herself from feeling anger if Edelgard shares some of these memories with her, deep anger at the people who dared do this to her. But other than that…

“I did tell you to share all of you with me,” she reminds Edelgard with a tender smile. “And this seems to be of deep importance to you, so yes I really want to hear all that you wish to share with me,” she tells her as she presses another kiss on the place where the vertical and horizontal scars meet. “Especially regarding this.”

When she looks up she catches Edelgard swallowing and the girl looks at her with nothing but love. “Thank you,” she whispers, her hazy state momentarily ebbing away slightly to make way for a more focused gratitude. “You… in such a short time you’ve turned me into a whole new person.” She looks to the ceiling as she ponders her words. “No, rather in such a short time you’ve torn away so many of the things that kept me from being _me._ Right now, here with you, I’ve felt closer to who I’ve always been deep down than I have ever before in my life,” she explains, her voice coherent yet sounding more relaxed than Rhea would expect from someone coming to such a revelation. “You’re freeing me,” Edelgard adds in a soft whisper.

At once Rhea crawls back up Edelgard’s body because the urge to kiss her is impossible to fight. “You’re at your most beautiful when you’re utterly free,” she manages to say before she captures Edelgard’s lips. Their kiss is more hungrily now, almost desperate and Rhea realizes that the deep urge inside her, and inside Edelgard in all likelihood as well, is building rapidly. While she deepens the kiss and adds her tongue to it, meeting Edelgard’s who swirls hers around Rhea’s until both of them are shuddering and moaning softly. Rhea’s hands make their way to Edelgard’s throat almost on instinct. Only when Rhea softly presses her finger around the tender skin, with the intention behind it very clear, does Edelgard break their kiss to peer into Rhea’s eyes.

“Would you like me to?” Rhea asks gently, as she brushes her fingers over the younger woman’s neck affectionately. “It always arouses you so,” she can’t help but add in a small smile.

Wide eyes look at her in mild shock. “How do you know that?” Edelgard asks with a blush, clearly having been under the impression she had been hiding what feeling Rhea’s hands tighten around her throat does to her well enough it went unnoticed.

Rhea smirks mischievously. “Tells, my dear,” she says with knowing amusement.

For a moment Edelgard looks aghast and immediately very flustered as well by this new information, yet she only seems to care about being caught for mere seconds at best as after another heartbeat she breaks into a smile. “Well I suppose you got me there then,” she mumbles with shy giddiness. “It does excite me, it makes my whole body come alive, with every nerve singing and my senses trying to overtake my mind in a struggle to fight. Denying my senses that urge is… exhilarating.” Her eyes look glassy as she speaks, with her mind on the memories she has, memories alone which seem to already affect her so.

Rhea slightly increases the pressure around Edelgard’s throat, causing the girl to inhale deeply on instinct. "So is that a yes?” she teases in a murmur.

“ _Yes,”_ Edelgard breathes out.

Rhea leans back in to capture Edelgard’s lips again with her own, distracting the younger woman with their kiss as she subtly tightens her hands around the girl’s throat properly, finding the spots she has to press to narrow and close Edelgard’s windpipe without it being dangerous. She waits a bit longer and only once Edelgard lets out a soft moan, one stemming completely from their kissing and so with her mind on nothing but the touch of her lips, does Rhea tighten her grip around the delicate skin under her fingers sufficiently that Edelgard notices.

She does it quickly but gives Edelgard enough time to rush and inhale sharply before Rhea’s fingers fully take away her ability to breathe.

Calmly Edelgard peers into Rhea’s eyes and she almost looks like she takes this as a fight, a challenge daring both Rhea and her own body to conquer subdue her willpower.

But it’s not a fight she wants to win, she just wants to last long.

After a few moments Rhea can already see the beginnings of Edelgard’s internal struggle against her own survival instincts. Her eyes get more alert and body grows tense but it’s not in need of oxygen just yet and so Edelgard refuses to move a muscle and she will keep doing so until her senses overtake her.

Not wanting to wait for that and wishing to make this more enjoyable Rhea kisses her once more. Without hesitation Edelgard kisses her back, quickly and hungrily but also rushed and her movements slightly less smooth than they normally are.

And so Rhea keeps kissing her, enjoying the way Edelgard slowly goes from placid and willing to more hurried and filled with need.

A need for Rhea, and an increasing need for air.

Edelgard gasps softly against Rhea’s mouth and underneath her Edelgard’s body twitches. Rhea prolongs their kiss while Edelgard occasionally loses against her instincts, which force her to inhale in a vain attempt get oxygen in her lungs. As this proves fruitless her body begins to twitch uncontrollably beneath Rhea’s own.

After a moment longer she breaks the kiss and studies Edelgard’s eyes. They’re wide and tense as fear begins to settle in them. “Just a bit longer my dear,” Rhea breathes out against her lips and kisses her again.

The feeling of trust Edelgard has in her, with her hands bound and her air stolen from her is exhilarating on its own for Rhea. She feels high on the rush of power. But it is power granted to her, not power she has taken, which makes it so much more personal and intimate.

It’s only when Rhea notices Edelgard’s hands beginning to struggle against their bindings and with the twitching turning more into uncontrollable tremors that Rhea lets go at once, breaking their kiss as she tilts her head back.

Immediately Edelgard inhales deeply, over and over again as her body rejoices at finally feeling oxygen flood into its lungs, which it had so desperately been asking for.

In her turn, Edelgard comes to life. Her eyes are filled with so much wanting need, all the while they look hazy, almost delirious so, yet despite her ragged breathing to catch her breath she’s smiling and there is happiness in her eyes, excitement even.

“You look so beautiful,” Rhea murmurs and the way Edelgard looks like now makes her feel is palpable in her voice.

Edelgard’s smile widens as the words register in her mind. “You too,” she breathes out, still struggling to catch her breath.

The longing in her eyes becomes more apparent, her need even desperate. “Please,” she says softly as she takes another deep breath. “Touch me, I need to feel you.”

Nothing inside Rhea can or wants to do anything but just exactly that and so she wastes not another second in obeying Edelgard’s wishes.

Her mouth and free hand each find one of Edelgard’s breasts and as she sucks and twirls her tongue around one nipple she pinches and massages the other with her hand. It doesn’t take long for Edelgard’s ragged breathing to turn into ragged moans, ones which make her sound more content and with her need temporary sated.

Rhea keeps her ministrations up a little while longer, waiting until Edelgard’s body underneath her has gone slack. Only then does she focuses her attention on the many scars marring the skin again. She wants to describe Edelgard’s skin as unblemished, even with the scars, as to Rhea Edelgard looks just perfect as she does now, without the scars it wouldn’t be right. There would be no visible proof on Edelgard’s body of the scars she carries within her. This way they’re a reflection of who she is inside. What people tried to turn her into and what she made herself into on her own, unblemished and immaculate.

But she refrains from telling Edelgard this, at least for now, as the hurt that has always followed Edelgard because of her scars might clash with Rhea’s –likely slightly delirious- analysis of how beautiful they make her.

Still, she has other way to show just how much she adores every last bit of Edelgard’s body, and per Edelgard’s request she starts with the scars.

This time she starts with the smaller scars. Incisions to get a tube or scalpel into her body for reasons Rhea doesn’t want to dwell on, faded battle scars, stitches that didn’t heal, some she can’t find a purpose for at all. Her eyes dart over each and every one of them quickly, and soon her hands and mouth follow.

It’s nearly impossible to really bite down on Edelgard’s scars. The skin is simply wrapped too tightly around her bones underneath as Edelgard has lost weight over the past months, with less fighting and an increase in stress, and the parts where Rhea could bite, such as her stomach, would only be hurting in an unpleasant way. Her arms would work, but with Edelgard’s wrists bound as they are it would be difficult as well.

But sucking and scratching turns out to work perfectly fine. She picks a scar somewhat at random, right under where Edelgard’s left ribcage ends. Edelgard reacts immediately, a sharp gasp that ends in a moan as her body jerks slightly and her wrist tug at the bindings for a moment. “More,” she utters, sounding just as delirious as Rhea feels.

The scar Rhea choose is long enough that Rhea can take all the time she wants to properly give the scar her attention while her fingers blindly find the biggest scar on Edelgard and gently scratch over it.

Once bruises and red marks are marring the scar Edelgard, who had been panting and occasionally twitching until now, speaks up.

“They did that one because one of my organs had stopped working,” Edelgard mutters in-between her soft panting and gasps, causing Rhea to remember the girl’s earlier request of wishing to talk about them. “What happened?” she whispers against the now bruised skin.

“I don’t know,” Edelgard says hazily. “It was my spleen I think, I didn’t really know the names of organs at that age.” Her voice has a distant edge yet she’s slurring some of her words and seems to be in an almost dreamlike state. “The surgery took hours and my skin was open the whole time,” she chokes out, now with a tremor in her voice.

“Shhh,” Rhea hums gently and her touches turn softer. “Let me take care of you, and lose yourself for a while.” She reaches up to brush her knuckles against Edelgard’s cheek. When Edelgard immediately utters a content noise as she leans her head against Rhea’s hand, Rhea opens her hand and instead cups the side of the younger woman’s face, her fingers stroking gently all the while. “Let go, but remember I’m right her with you,” she whispers with an aching need to protect and many other needs there are simply no words for.

With her eyes lidded and glazed over Edelgard nods, lowering her head back more comfortably as she relaxes, while she idly stares at the ceiling while not seeing anything.

Rhea takes it as a sign she’s free to continue, encouraged even, and doesn’t waste another moment to do so.

The whole experience is a blur, of love and so many desires, to hurt, to heal, to nurture, to push Edelgard to her limits, to love Edelgard far beyond the normal limits and so much more. Her mind is as hazy as that of Edelgard, as her hands and mouth move over Edelgard’s body. She might as well be blind and deaf to anything that isn’t Edelgard’s body or her voice, as those serve as her lifeline to remain connected to the physical world.

Edelgard too seems to be lost in her own mind, with her body trembling, her wrists tugging against their restraints and the frequent sounds of need, eagerness, pleasure and pain. Even when she speaks it’s clear she’s not quite in the present, but the present is safe, pleasurable and comforting enough she can let her mind dwell wherever it needs to.

“That one is from when they ruptured my intestines,” she slurs hazily as Rhea presses a kiss on a scar to the right of her body. She knows better now than to ask questions and instead devotes all her attention to the long scar with webbed white lines over it, so Edelgard can talk freely and choose her own words.

“I didn’t understand what happened, but they kept me unconscious for a few days… mostly, I would have died otherwise and when I woke up they had already sewed the wound shut.” A quick look up at Edelgard shows that even though she looks content, at ease and clearly enjoying this experience, her eyes are still wet with unshed tears.

Rhea feels a sudden flash of anger, furious rage because how _dared_ these monsters do this to a child. But one look at Edelgard gives her the strength to overcome it and the feeling fades a moment later.

“Shhh,” she murmurs again. “I’m here,” Rhea reminds Edelgard and kisses the scar while using her free hand to gently massage the marred skin.

“It feels so good,” Edelgard whispers weakly. “You feel so good.”

Her words spur on Rhea even more and she’s too choked up to even speak. Instead she lets all of Edelgard occupy her mind and actions.

With Edelgard trembling, gasping and moaning underneath her, along with the occasional twitch of her muscles, Rhea makes sure she doesn’t miss a single scar. 

With her mouth on Edelgard’s breast her hand wander to Edelgard’s side, a spot just above her hip. She can feel the markings of several horizontal shallow cuts in a downwards row as she trails her fingers over them. Her mouth stills for a moment as her mind is once again puzzled by what meaning these shallow scars could possibly have. She had noticed them, and several other ones like it as well, before but didn’t feel the situation was appropriate to ask.

Now though…

She’s just about to free her mouth to ask when Edelgard, who might have noticed her change in behavior, speaks for her.

“I did those myself.”

She says in that delirious tone Rhea has come to love so much, yet she also detects pride.

A part of Rhea feels she should be worried by the revelation that at some point Edelgard had been hurting herself but feels that worry is now meaningless. She repositions her body, with her head resting on Edelgard’s stomach so she can look the girl in the eyes, or at least see her face.

“Why?” she asks softly, causing Edelgard to stir slightly and get a sliver of coherence back.

With both hands free Rhea opts to gently massaging Edelgard’s left breast while her other hand goes back to the scars, where she gently strokes and occasionally pinches or massages the scar tissue and the skin around it firmly.

Her eyes meet those of Edelgard, who has yet to speak up.

Just when Rhea want to tell her she doesn’t have to explain something akin to relief comes over Edelgard.

“Because it’s _my_ body,” she declares with an age old hurt, pride and conviction, her voice momentarily unaffected by Rhea’s ministrations.

Rhea corks her head to the side, an open and questioning expression on her face. _Tell me if you want to share._

Edelgard eyes turn dark and her voice becomes bitter. “They, the Slithers, they changed the way my body looked forever. I had no control over it whatsoever. I was too young, too weak, to scared and unable to fight back. They utterly and completely controlled me, not only by giving me the Crest of Flames, but also by making my body look like it does. It changed everything I had in life, against my will.” Her voice begins to tremble and is as filled with emotion, with grief, hurt, anger and many others Edelgard allows to bubble up from the darkest depths of her and rise to the surface, where they turn into movements, words, expressions and sounds.

Edelgard raises her head a little and lets it rest on the arms which she slides underneath her head, making it easier for her to be at ease while making eye contact.

“So that’s why I did it. If my body was irreversibly damaged and changed without my control I wanted to make that mine. They couldn’t have that. Not everything.”

Her eyes turn fierce and even naked and bound she suddenly looks so strong. “I took the control over my body back by adding my own scars.” Her voice is filled with a passion from so long ago and all those deep emotions swirling jut under the surface. “No one would ever see my body… or so I thought,” she adds with a small smile and reddened cheeks. “But I wanted at least some of the scars to be my own doing. The Slithers destroyed so much for me, of me and inside me so I did that whenever I was alone and at my weakest because I needed some sort of self-destruction to free myself from their grip, even if it was just a little. Doing that gave me strength, control. They are mine and no one else’s.”

Rhea gives her a short smile before she lowers herself so that she can kiss the scars.

Just before her mouth touches the skin she looks up at Edelgard again, letting their eyes meet. “Then these are my favorite scars on you, they are proof of your fights and victories. They are your battle scars.”

Not a second later tears spring into Edelgard’s eyes. Instead of comforting her with words and an embrace Rhea kisses the scarred tissue. “You’re beautiful,” she murmurs against Edelgard’s skin.

The sound of Edelgard sobbing makes her head jerk up to look at the girl, concerned that she went too far. “Should we stop?” she asks as gently as she can.

Edelgard shakes her head. “No, please,” she says in between sounds of crying. “I need this.” Another sob. “I _really_ need this. With you, so keeps going,” She takes a deep breath. “All of this feels so freeing. As if I’m letting go of these ghosts that haunted me.” She peers deeper into Rhea’s eyes. “Keep freeing me, I beg you,” she manages to utter before letting her head fall back and giving herself over to the tears.

And so Rhea does what Edelgard begged her to do, with delight and euphoria.

She makes sure that every last bit of Edelgard’ self-inflicted scars get all the attention they deserve, kissing them, even swirling her tongue over them before she turns to sucking and bruising the skin again, until red and purple marks make a stark contrast against white lines that refuse to change color.

All the while she’s whispering all kinds of affections to Edelgard. They all fall short, they’re never just right, but in this moment it’s perfect.

She continues this when her fingers find the other scars on Edelgard’s body which she did herself, and those get the same focused attention. And with Edelgard being utterly at leisure, reveling in how delirious and free all of this this makes her feel so unshackled.

One by one, kiss by kiss, scratch by scratch, Rhea is releasing Edelgard from the shackles.

After all the scars on Edelgard’s body inflicted by herself had been given the proper amount of attention Rhea turned to all the other scars she could find.

Neither of them knew nor cared about how much time passed as they were both lost in one another. Rhea touched and kissed and scratched all the scars she could reach, all done under the melodious and frankly, addicting noises which, nearly without pause, came from Edelgard.

Without paying attention to herself Rhea suddenly finds herself lightly scratching over the vertical scarring above Edelgard’s breasts again, while her mouth is already kissing the horizontal part of the scar downwards.

As she places kisses lower and lower she lowers her body accordingly. Downwards, where she pauses to bruise the tight skin as she sucks there long enough to make Edelgard wince. She continues after that, not wanting to cause Edelgard any prolonged pains.

Lower, leaving a trail of kisses in her wake.

Lower even more, past Edelgard’s navel where her lips find that scarred tissue which really should have existed in the way it did. After she showered that small area with kisses and just a hint of teeth and bruises she goes down further, to beyond where the scar ends and places a kiss there.

And lower…

Where her chin meets something prickly.

And abruptly Rhea realizes just how _low_ she went and how she positioned herself, as when she looks down she’s met with the sight of a part of Edelgard her face has not yet been this close to.

She looks up in panic, terribly clueless at what to do and afraid she crossed some spoken boundary. Her heart stops when she meets two mirthful eyes peering back at her.

“Cat got your tongue, huh,” Edelgard teases her mercilessly, the innuendo in her word was deliberate, if the smirk on the girl’s lips is any hint.

Rhea grumbles. “You recovered quickly, I see,” she bites back darkly, yet can’t help but grin as well.

Edelgard raises her eyebrows and graces Rhea with a pointed, almost haughty, look. “There was nothing I had to recover from for this,” she says with clarity and determination. “As _this,”_ she continues and spreads her legs _just_ a little more open to make her intentions clear, “is merely an extension of all that came before. Or perhaps that it’s the cumulation of everything prior would be a better way to describe it,” she says languidly.

All at once Rhea is deeply torn and feels her panic rapidly growing. She wants this. She _wants_ this.

But she doesn’t dare.

All kinds of worries and fears go through her mind.

All of them boil down to _‘but what if I’m terrible at it?’_

Then yet another thought enters her mind. _‘What if Edelgard, who was a natural at this, will laugh at my pitiful attempt.’_

The thought alone makes her go cold with fear. She _cannot_ stomach the idea that Edelgard would excel in something _she_ would be graceless at.

It _irks_ her.

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t feel comfortable with it, Seiros,” comes the gentle voice from Edelgard, causing Rhea to realize just what she had been numbly staring at for quite a few long seconds.

Quickly she looks up and is met with a soft, reassuring expression on Edelgard’s face, the tiny smile hinting she finds Rhea endearing either way. “I don’t mind if you don’t do it, I can understand that the act might be… odd for some,” she says with a small, strange, almost whimsical grin on her lips.

Without a second thought Rhea briskly shakes her head. Her offer is kind, but _no._

Rhea will do this. She will _not_ be a coward now.

So instead she lowers herself, with machine-like grace to position herself so that- oh, heavens that’s… _very_ close.

Abruptly Rhea redirects her attention to Edelgard’s thighs, her arms snaking under her legs to stroke the scars there as she covers Edelgard’s inner thighs with kisses and bruises. A clever diversion, but a very temporary one.

Still, it gives her mind precious moments to _stop thinking_ and get on the same wavelength as the rest of her body.

Aside from the eager gasps and soft moans there is also the occasional giggle coming from Edelgard, who has clearly added Rhea subtly avoiding the core issue here to the many things she’s currently thoroughly enjoying.

The giggles drain Rhea of her courage and so she keeps delaying the inevitable even more.

“You’re procrastinating.” Is the only thing Edelgard tells her with a mirthful laugh.

The words hit a nerve and finally Rhea stops delaying, stilling her movements’ altogether and looks up to meet Edelgard’s eyes.

Her eyes… So far away… Across Edelgard’s mound of white hair, her numerous scars, now covered in bruises and scratch marks, her breasts, her beautiful breastbone and then there they are in the middle of her perfect face.

“I’m afraid,” Rhea blurts out unceremoniously but _honest._

Edelgard raises her eyebrows, a look of mischief on her face. “Really,” she teases Rhea mirthfully, “Of all the things I had at my disposal with which I wanted to bestow fear in you it turns out it’s my priva….” She shakes her head as she stops herself. “My apologies, that was unkind of me, I remember how exposed I felt…. when I did this to you,” she says as her cheeks redden. “I shouldn’t tease you for the same.” She perches herself up a little. “Seiros, my heart. What are you afraid of?”

Rhea, grateful that Edelgard gives her the space she needs to open up, mulls it over in her head. “I’m scared I’ll disappoint you,” she manages to get out in one quick breath as her cheeks immediately go dark, while the floodgates go open. “You were _good_ , and you wove that context around the both of us which made it perfect and you were so kind and willing and patient and even helped me reassure I could … express myself,” she says, yet means ‘you let me grind my hips hard against your mouth because you had reassured me you enjoyed that’.

The thought alone makes heat flare from her chest straight down to her core, and already a little of her fear fades. She _really_ wants to do this.

“I’m scared I won’t live up to your expectations, a-and you deserve more. …So much more,” she adds much softer with her cheeks reddening even more in shame.

“I would pad your head but alas, my hands are bound and you’re all the way there,” Edelgard says with a teasing lilt but then her voice turns soft again. “You worry too much, Seiros. It’s not very difficult.” Yet another grin forms on her lips, one that meets her eyes and for a moment Rhea is afraid that Edelgard will make some joke that Rhea won’t be handle in her vulnerable state.

“You can trust me on that,” Edelgard continues airily. “I’m the expert after all, having done it a whole one single time,” she says and chuckles, the haughty side of her momentarily surfacing.

Relief floods through Rhea and a smile forms on her lips. “Perhaps not an expert but definitely a natural,” she laughs as tension and worries are evaporating from her mind.

“Trust the natural then than when I say that once you’re actually doing it, it will feel _natural,”_ Edelgard says, deliberately enunciation the last word to get her horrible pun across. She makes a dismissive sound and shrugs her shoulders, which looks rather comically with how her hands are tied behind her back. “And if all else fails, try the ‘tells’ thing I told you about. Does wonders.”

The girl looks far too pleased with herself, Rhea thinks, so it’s of utmost importance Edelgard feels pleased by something _else._ She ignores the own bad pun in her head in favor of using her arms to spread Edelgard’s legs open, and at one the girl isn’t all that brave and courageous anymore, eager yes, but perhaps in a little over her head. “Seiros!” she yelps and for the first time she truly struggles against the bindings around her wrist. “You don’t have to rush it, I mean let’s take it slow alright?”

Edelgard keeps coming up with senseless reasons out of nerves and she can keep doing so if she wants but Rhea ignores her she spreads the girl’s legs open accordingly and closes in. The first thing she notices is that Edelgard is already very wet. The second thing is her own desire taking over and really wanting to give this a try. Right _now_.

For one last instance she looks up. “Edelgard,” she says sharply, instantly silencing the girl, who had been rambling nonsense nervously. Tentatively Edelgard meets her eyes and holds their gaze.

“Trust me,” Rhea whispers with a hint of mischief, yet there is love and devotion in her voice that seem to calm Edelgard’s nerves, as Rhea has just enough time to see the girl nod weakly before she dips down.

Her first impulse is to be completely still and take some time to get used to her… new surroundings.

She immediately overrides this impulse by her desire to actually commit to this, and the general desire she feels boiling inside her are spurring her on.

Determined, fueled on desire and lust and feeling slightly more confident because of Edelgard’s words Rhea feels she can cope with a tentative, awkward start if she slowly changes that into something more natural. Her mouth finds Edelgard’s clit with ease and the moment she places a soft long kiss on it Edelgard inhales sharply. “ _Ahh,” she gasps_ and struggles to keep herself from yelping again, letting Rhea know how sensitive she is. So she starts by circling the bud with her tongue, slow and rhythmically, which evoke much more welcoming and content gasps of pleasure from the younger woman.

A good few seconds in Rhea briefly has to kill a complain somewhere from the depths of her mind where her logic dwells, something about how a mouth is meant for talking and eating and not for… fornicating with the enemy. She silences the thought by considering to herself that’s she’s _technically_ eating something, which makes her giggle against the side of Edelgard’s clit.

“What?” comes the biting and offended voice of Edelgard, making aware of the fact that Edelgard too is insecure and took her giggling as if there was something funny about _her._

Quickly she looks up and smiles at her. “I just… really like doing this,” she admits, “even more so than I anticipated.”

That helps to quiet Edelgard’s fears. “I like it too… It feels really nice,” she says softly and with a blush. “Please… keep going.”

“Your wish is my command.”

The grumble Edelgard tries to make ends in another shaky moan as Rhea finds the side of her clit again and sucks there gently before swirling her tongue around it again, this time slightly faster and with more purpose.

The subtle taste is new, and Rhea likes new things. It’s also Edelgard’s taste, and she likes Edelgard too, so all of this suddenly turns into a wonderful experience for both of them.

She finds am enjoyable rhythm together with Edelgard easily enough. A pace which Edelgard can take and Rhea can tell her orgasm is beginning to build already. And with that thought on her mind she loses herself in pleasuring Edelgard.

Not long after Edelgard has turned into a trembling, moaning and shaky mess, all she still can do is slurring the odd encouragements or single word commandos into Rhea’s direction.

Rhea finds she could do this forever, each sound from Edelgard makes something deep inside her come alive and she’s already addicted it. She wants more of it and so finally truly gives the sensitive bundle of nerves her proper attention.

With her tongue pressed firmly against it she finds a rhythm of slow and long licks.

If she thought Edelgard’s previous sounds were perfectly addicting then this whole new set of eager, almost desperate moans proof her wrong.

But it also makes her aware that Edelgard is getting close. Rapidly so.

And there is an entire part of the woman before her that Rhea hasn’t tried out yet. So under loud complains she abruptly stops and lowers her head until her tongue can finally taste just how wet Edelgard really is. She snakes her arms around Edelgard’s legs and uses her fingers to spread her open a little before dipping her tongue in.

Edelgard arches her back at the contact. “Oh, that’s good too,” she chokes out in a moan. “Ah… ah, Serious that’s so good keep doing that,” she breathes out between gasps and moans.

Rhea wonders if this is the ‘tells thing’ Edelgard went on about only to promptly realize that from the moment she’s starting she’s been using Edelgard’s reactions as tells to guide herself on what her do. It’s simply that Edelgard is being very… telling.

_It’s not that hard._

The words echo through her mind and with a stifled smile she continues to find more ways, angles, movements and swirls of her tongue which Edelgard finds particularly pleasant.

“More, press down h-harder,” Edelgard stutters out when Rhea leisurely brushes her inner folds with her tongue up and down.

“Faster,” Edelgard orders with a gasp after Rhea obliged her previous request.

Rhea leisurely keeps going at the pace she was going.

 _“…Please,”_ Edelgard begs in a ragged voice when it becomes clear to her that has Rhea dutifully ignored her demand.

Quickly forcing the grin from her features, Rhea does what she was begged to.

“Ah… _ah,_ yes exactly like that,” Edelgard moans as she arches her back, and thereby her groin into Rhea’s face. “Heavens it feels so good,” she says in delight, not at all caring that she just made it much harder for Rhea to breathe.

Instead of commenting about the _rudeness_ of Edelgard’s transgression, which she definitely would have were it not for the fact she’d have to stop doing something much more pleasant and important with her mouth already than speaking, Rhea places her hands on the back of each side of Edelgard’s hips and gently pushes them up against her face.

Edelgard moves along with her several times before she speaks up. “You… you ah… you wouldn’t mind?” she questions feebly.

“No,” Rhea mutters against her wetness. “In fact, do it harder.”

“…Alright.” A little stiffly she raises and folds her knees, with her feet on the ground she has the leverage to move her groin upwards harder and with more precision.

With Rhea having given her free reign Edelgard immediately begins to grind against her face just exactly how she wants to… with is with much vigor, causing Rhea to quickly snake her arms around her waist so she can force Edelgard to keep a bit more steady as she continues to pleasure her.

She loses herself in it, the rhythm, the taste, the sounds Edelgard makes and the way she secretly enjoys how rough Edelgard is being. So free of all the restraints she bound herself to and simply… letting herself go, for once without any concern on her mind.

After somewhere between a single minute and at least an hour Edelgard slows down a little.

“C-can you…-hah, Seiros… could you put your tongue inside- ah… me,” she struggles to get out as Rhea had _not_ slowed down along with her.

“Hmm,” is the only form of agreement Edelgard gets, hummed against her slit and evoking yet another high-pitched moan from her.

There is urgency in the noise Edelgard made and at once Rhea is overcome by urgency as well. A need to deepen this even more. Without warning she pulls Edelgard’s legs over her shoulders –ignores the yelp and complains hurled her way as Edelgard’s legs flail before finding purchase again- and leans her elbows right in front of her own breasts in order to have her wrists and hands free to reach Edelgard’s folds. Which she wastes no time in doing so. Tenderly she uses both her hands to gently spread each fold to the side. Without looking at her expression, as Edelgard’s body has gone tense with anticipation and seems to feel at ease Rhea gives her a few hard and long licks against her entrance, swallowing whatever wetness she can find.

Mere seconds in and Edelgard is already panting heavily, so for once Rhea decides to be merciful. Pulling her folds slightly more to the sides her tong tentatively probes around Edelgard’s entrance before determining that Edelgard really want, and needs this. Just as much as Rhea does. Entering Edelgard’s inner walls with her tongue is slightly awkward, her tongue is not as precise as her finger. Yet it’s warm and wet and Rhea is sufficiently turned on that very little things are capable of making her feel awkward right now.

Under a chorus of heavy panting and eager noises of pleasure Rhea slowly dips in and out, going lightly deeper each time until she’s deep enough she can swirl her tongue around and taste all the wetness there. She keeps her tongue inside Edelgard long, tasting and probing every part of her she can reach.

“Goddess this feels good,” Edelgard utters in a lazy moan. “It’s… so –mhnn relaxing, my Seiros,” she murmurs, sounding near delirious.

And indeed, Edelgard’s body goes slack, but not still. Numerous twitches, the jerking of her hips and shudders course through her relaxed body, as Edelgard welcomes them, lets them overcome her freely, she’s writhing and moaning in utter surrender underneath Rhea’s ministrations.

Rhea wants it to last, but also doesn’t wish the agony of being purposely slow on Edelgard, so she lets them both have what they want and she keeps up a tempo and roughness that has Edelgard panting and gasping in delight.

With her eyes not really having any use right now, Rhea only notices the hands when they gently cup her head on each side, where she feels fingers slowly and softly move over her hair affectionally.

Carefully she peeks up and is rewarded with the breathtaking sight of Edelgard fully enjoying herself in pleasure, looking blissful and even a vulnerable sort of hazy happiness is etched into her features.

But it’s the glint of mischief in her eyes that has Rhea puzzled… Until it dawns on her what the hands on her head signify. Edelgard has stealthily- and unnoticed by Rhea- freed herself from her bindings. She didn’t even falter in letting those sounds of delight spill freely from her mouth when her mind had to be focused on freeing her wrists. Then again, the bindings were never meant to hold and easy to escape from.

Rhea’s eyes light up with mirth and she hums approvingly against Edelgard’s core, who nearly shrieks out at the unexpected pleasure. Unperturbed by Edelgard’s intense reaction Rhea continues moving her tongue inside her.

“I’m close,” Edelgard all but whines after a few moments and Rhea feels the hands on her head push her deeper into Edelgard’s wetness. “But I… I can’t –hah, Seiros please,” she begs her. “It feels so good but I… I need my release, please,” she says urgent and in need.

Rhea continues just a bit longer, laps up all the juices she can find and swallows them, something that makes Edelgard falter a bit as she stares at the sight with intense focus.

She doesn’t get to keep that focus very long because once Rhea deems that she had enough attention there she looks up and grins at her. “Let’s make you come then,” she says with an almost predatory smirk.

Edelgard’s eyes widen with a hint of fear but she nods eagerly regardless so Rhea finally focusses all her attention on Edelgard’s clit.

The sensation must be intense for her, if the loud and desperate moans, the mewling, and even _keening_ is any tell. But Rhea detects no noise of complain so she continues with her quick and unrelenting pace.

Edelgard shudders against her. “Goddess, Seiros… I’m so close. Nnmh please, fuck I want to-”

 _“Language!”_ Rhea utters sharply against the younger woman’s clit, eliciting a frustrated groan from her.

It’s not a reason for Rhea to stop, if anything she speeds her movements up, makes them more precise, circles around the nub for a few moments, letting Edelgard build up and get close until she’s truly a mess before directly stimulating her clit again.

It takes only moments before she comes, and Rhea can nearly predict it down to the second.

 _“Seiros!”_ Edelgard exclaims with desperate need, grabbing two fistfuls of green hair and pushing Rhea against her hard while she grinds her wet core uncontrollably against Rhea’s face. She quickly puts her hands on the girl’s hips again and helps the panting and moaning girl grind against her steadily as Edelgard is overcome by waves of strong and slow bursts of pleasure flooding her body and mind. Rhea keeps helping her to move steadily as to prolong her pleasure as long as possible as Edelgard rides out her orgasm,

Only when Edelgard’s body starts to tremble from exhaustion and her hips jerk out of overstimulation does Rhea slow down gently and stops not long after.

A part of Rhea wants to lie down and simply look.

The rest of Rhea has to absolutely hold Edelgard close. So she worms herself out of the web of legs around her neck and quickly crawls up the bed until her head is side to side with a heavily panting Edelgard, who’s empty but satisfied eyes stare at the ceiling.

Tentatively Rhea snares an arm around Edelgard, who abruptly springs back to life and shifts to her side so she can bury her head into the crook of Rhea’s neck. On her turn, Rhea wants to feel as much of Edelgard as well so she wraps her arm tightly against the other’s back and firmly pushes her closer until the girl is half draper over her. Even that’s’ not enough as Rhea drags her free leg over those of Edelgard and hooks them tightly together.

With her free hand she plays with Edelgard’s hair at the base of her neck, giving the still panting girl all the time in the world she needs to recover.

To her surprise she feels wetness drops against her throat, followed shortly by the sound of Edelgard crying softy against her, trying to muffle the sound of it.

“What’s wrong?” she hurriedly asks her and tightens her embrace even more.

“Nothing,” Edelgard sniffs before she raises her head to look at Rhea. “I feel so _good,”_ she explains. Her eyes void of any stress or worries and a small happy smile on her tear-streaked face. She looks younger, somehow. As if, even only for a short moment, toll that the years of war took on her is absent.

“I really needed that,” Edelgard continues with a murmur. “It felt so wonderful to let everything go, to let you be in control.” Her smile widens and her eyes shine with something so fierce that ‘love’ feels inadequate to name it. “I feel so much lighter, as if some of the heavy parts in me have crumbled away.” In another quiet whisper she adds “I feel freed.”

She lets herself fall onto Rhea’s chest. “Thank you,” she murmurs against her skin. “For saving me, for healing me like this.”

Immediately Rhea’s arms wrap around her and she makes sounds of comfort at her. It’s enough to stave of the cruel voice in her head whispering to her she has done nothing in regards to saving nor healing Edelgard because in two days…

She tightens her embrace. To express her love, to forget the rest.

Edelgard makes a soft sound of delight and lets her body go slack half atop Rhea, as Rhea begins to draw small circles on her back.

For a while Edelgard is content, peaceful.

Then she is restless again, yet still with peace of mind.

Suddenly she’s kissing Rhea again, with passion that somehow synchronizes with her more peaceful state of mind.

Rhea kisses her back with vigor, perhaps more so than Edelgard anticipated as soon the girl is on her back again with Rhea straddling her, looking up at her flustered and slightly surprised when Rhea breaks the kiss. “I want to take you again,” she mutters as a rush of desire overcomes her.

Edelgard’s eyes widen more while her cheeks darken more as well. “But I just… I can’t…” She mumbles almost shyly, glancing away for just a second. “Sensitive.” She settles on awkwardly.

With a smile Rhea ponders Edelgard’s predicament. She doesn’t feel like waiting. As her smile turns into a grin she places her index finger on Edelgard’s lips. “I have fingers,” she whispers hotly against her cheek.

She doesn’t miss the tremor going through the body underneath her.

“Indeed you have,” Edelgard says almost comically flat, causing Rhea to chuckle against her. “How intuitive of you to think of such a creative solution,” Edelgard adds and Rhea can hear the grin in her voice.

With soft laughter she captures Edelgard’s lips again. Slower this time, delicate and loving but with clear intent behind it.

As she leans to shift her weight on one arm her free one trails down in soft scratches from that sensitive spot behind Edelgard’s ear until she cups the younger woman’s breast. Edelgard moans low and shakily against Rhea’s mouth as she kneads the soft flesh under her fingers.

She keeps this up for a little, kissing Edelgard slowly as she kneads out all the tension in her breast, before pinching her nipple with two fingers. That evokes a higher pitched moan from the other woman and she arches her back up against Rhea’s body, who begins to roll the nipple between her fingers.

Edelgard makes a strained and frustrated noise, muffled by Rhea’s lips. “Patience, my dear,” she teases and her fingers twist Edelgard’s nipple just a little beyond the edge of pain, evoking a yelp from her.

“No, no patience,” Edelgard demands sluggishly, desire and lust clouding her mind. “Please Seiros,” she murmurs and raises her head to plant a quick kiss against Rhea’s swollen lips. “I want you again.”

Those words go straight towards Rhea’s gut again and she doesn’t at all feel like fighting the need she feels there now in order to tease Edelgard longer. “As you wish,” she says quietly and the surge of love she feels when she says those words are even more intense than the lust boiling underneath it.

She shifts her position, moving herself to the side of Edelgard and resting on her arm so she can still lean over the other woman. With her leg she not so subtly spreads Edelgard’s legs apart, evoking a mirthful, melodious sound from her as she helpfully obliges, before Rhea rest her bended knee on the leg closest to her.

True to her promise she doesn’t try to work up Edelgard any more, the girl is openly wanting it enough that purposely delaying it might just be unpleasantly frustrating, and so Rhea lowers her hand, trailing the scar across Edelgard’s torso until she reaches the white patch of hair, still wet from what it had to endure mere minutes ago. She circles her finger delicately around the swollen clit, and despite hearing no complains Rhea can tell by the way Edelgard gasps uncontrollably and how her hips jerk in tandem with her finger’s movement’s she really still is sensitive.

So she moves her finger lower, adds two more and strokes them up and down Edelgard’s slick folds. Edelgard inhales sharply and with a low and content moan she relaxes into the touch.

“You’re still so wet,” Rhea mutters tenderly and just saying that aloud makes her feel so good.

Edelgard groans and presses herself harder against Rhea’s fingers. “Hmm,” she hums hazily. “Make me more wet, please.”

Hearing that response felt much better, Rhea concludes to herself. She leans in to kiss Edelgard while her fingers do exactly the girl requested from her as she presses them against her and moves them up and down in slow strokes. Edelgard gasps against her lips and Rhea feels two hands lightly claw at her back as Edelgard attempts to pull her closer.

While kissing her back slow and intensely Edelgard makes no attempt to suppress any sounds of pleasure and Rhea can feel her own impatience grow along with how Edelgard’s noises become more frequent and wanting.

Reluctantly she breaks the kiss, much to Edelgard’s frustration if the near-angry whine she makes is anything to go by. But Rhea’s impatience has reached a boiling point and Edelgard just can’t have everything she wants because Rhea wants to see her expression.

With a quick kiss on the younger woman’s forehead she draws back while simultaneously pressing two fingers against her entrance. With her intentions clear she gauges Edelgard’s reaction, whose eyes widen slightly as she not so subtly raises her hips slightly. Seeing her eagerness, Rhea decides that that’s enough evidence Edelgard wants this as much as she does and with ease she slides her fingers in fully into the warmth wetness, only stilling when they can't go in any further.

Edelgard gasps in pleasure, one of her hand digs its nails into Rhea’s back while the other slips from it as the girl raises it to the side of her head and tangles her fingers feverishly into in the sheets next to her. “Seiros,” she breathes out shakily. “It feels so good to have you in me,” she continues –her cheeks deeply red, her eyes lidded and with delight written on her expression. As Rhea repeats the motion, Edelgard arches her back and rolls her hips up to meet Rhea’s fingers while turning her head to the side and presses her face into her arm. “It makes me feel so whole,” she utters in bliss against her own skin.

Something in Rhea cracks and the small voice inside her which tries to remind her that none of that makes sense and is frankly quite a dirty thing to say is completely silenced by the rush of desire and love overcoming her which makes complex analytical thoughts not an option right now.

“Me too,” she manages to rasp as her fingers thrust inside again, slowly building up to thrusting into Edelgard with a steady pacet, yet already the girl panting heavily. With Edelgard’s eyes remaining closed and her face still pressed into her arm it’s easy to observe body her down to every last detail, something Rhea does eagerly as she drinks in the sight of her. She looks so beautiful, with her mouth slightly open, the way her face scrunches up only to relax again and how the muscles in her body flex as she makes a vain attempt to move along with the pace of Rhea’s fingers.

When she quickens her pace and begins to thrust in slightly harder Edelgard lets out a moan and turns her head to look at Rhea, where she tries to smile at her but interrupts herself with yet another moan. Flustered she instead looks a little embarrassed and only after Rhea breaks into a grin herself does the mirth return to Edelgard’s eyes, who now manages to laugh softly without interruption. “Feels good,” she murmurs as an apology and lays her arm over her forehead as she loses herself to gasps and sounds of pleasure again, this time without any care for propriety left.

Something tugs at Rhea’s heart and as she looks at the sight of Edelgard underneath her it dawns on her how much more of this she really wants. Just… nothing but her and Edelgard with nothing between them but quiet laughter, bliss and delight, love and pleasure. No tension or fear or any of the hurt either of them have suffered through and which still haunts them to this day. Pushing Edelgard to her limits and seeing her thrive on pain is a thrill on its own but seeing her so free and without worry is much… more. There is a depth to doing this with Edelgard that Rhea knows would make her happy for years to come, the both of them likely.

They can’t have this for years.

…But they can have it in this moment and Rhea is absolutely determined to not let her own fear of the imminent future destroy Edelgard’s fragile peace of mind which she is working so hard to keep from shattering.

Edelgard’s eyes have glazed over and the soft and vulnerable look on her face is just too much for Rhea to handle. To avoid the intensity of it all she leans in and instead channels her feelings into kissing the girl underneath her again, something Edelgard eagerly welcomes as she wraps both hands tightly around Rhea’s back and returns the kiss.

She wishes she could tell Edelgard how much she loves her. Or that she loves her at all.

Edelgard breaks the kiss and moans as she buries her face in Rhea’s neck instead. “More, please. I’m close.” Her voice is breathless with the sound muffled against Rhea’s skin and Rhea decides that if she can’t tell her she’ll let her known otherwise.

She pours every ounce of love she feels into pushing Edelgard over the edge, to try and feel just what she needs rights now.

It seems to work as within a few moments Edelgard is moaning and panting heavily into the crook of her neck as Rhea feels her fingers dig into her own shoulder blades. Her body trembles as she tries to press herself closer against Rhea, who responds to her need by lowering her self more onto Edelgard. The warmth sends shivers down her spine and Edelgard too makes a sound of utter bliss when she feels the warmth and pressure of Rhea’s body on her own.

Edelgard makes a low sound that singularly conveys _want,_ a very deep want. It’s clear the Emperor is on the edge and without warning Rhea starts pumping her fingers in and out in fast hard, thrusts.

The women underneath her lurches and her cries are of pleasure and elation. “I’m going to come,” Edelgard stutters out in a shaky gasp. “Oh, please _Seiros,”_ Edelgard breathes out and at once her body shudders as Rhea feels the girl’s insides tighten and convulse around her fingers. Feeling Edelgard orgasm around her fingers makes Rhea feel pleasure nearly equal as good. 

“Good girl,” she murmurs into her hair and decides the long, low moan Edelgard lets out after to be at least partially because of her words.

Edelgard clings to her with desperation as Rhea keeps thrusting into her with long movements, curling her fingers when she’s in the deepest and helping Edelgard ride out her orgasm, slowing down slightly with each thrust.

Only when Edelgard slumps down into the matrass and her hands slip from Rhea’s back does she stop entirely. Edelgard makes one last whimpering noise as Rhea pulls out her fingers and she catches Edelgard wiping the hint of tears from her eyes quickly.

“I’m done,” she blurts out when she notices Rhea watching her and stubbornly puts her arms next to her side again.

“Done?” Rhea echoes as she raises her eyebrows quizzically.

“Satisfied,” Edelgard corrects herself with a grin yet flusters slightly at her own choice of words.

“Thoroughly?” Rhea can’t help but tease.

She gets a very embarrassed “ _Seiros!”_ hissed at her before Edelgard promptly pulls her close again. Shifting her position slightly Rhea moves them both so that they’re both lying on their side with Edelgard wrapped tightly in her arms. She finds it in herself to stop smothering Edelgard with one arm and instead begins to brush her hair at the nape of her neck.

With a content noise Edelgard lets it happen and simply enjoys the feeling in silence for a while.

Eventually Edelgard draws back to look at Rhea as she raises a hand to brush against her cheek, making Rhea’s heart skip a beat as she quietly stares back into piercing lilac eyes. Just when she thinks she can’t take being looked at so intensely any longer Edelgard closes in and kisses her softly.

It’s gentle and slow and wholly different from their earlier kisses yet equally as intimate.

Unable to keep her hands to herself but not being able to reach the back of Edelgard’s head satisfyingly from this angle Rhea instead begins to trace the scars on Edelgard’s chest all the way down to her stomach instead.

Edelgard breaks the kiss with soft laughter and looks at Rhea with a smile on her face. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispers with a kind of innocent awe in her voice that makes Rhea’s heart skip a beat. “Just… everything about you.” She laughs quietly again and turns to look slightly guilty. “I can’t believe I used to dislike the color of your hair,” she murmurs. “I was so wrong.”

Rhea feels completely frozen as Edelgard talks and is helpless to do anything but listen to her speak as she keeps staring into the younger woman’s eyes. To think she would ever care this much about what someone else thought of her beauty. For so long she had been under the firm believe her beauty was simply part of what people saw in her as Archbishop –the moment they met or saw her- but not once had anyone ever grew to love her appearance along with growing to love _her._ The fact it wasn’t there from the start makes it worth so much more to her.

Edelgard’s hand still resting on her cheek gently moves further to the back of her head, brushing aside green hair until her fingers find Rhea’s ear. She shivers when Edelgard trails the edge of it gingerly, evoking a soft giggle from the girl. “I really like your ears too,” she confesses with a shy grin on her face.

Finally Rhea unfreezes enough to speak. “My ears?” she questions, mirth lacing her voice. An odd thing to fixate on, in her humble opinion.

“Yes, I mean all people have… I don’t know, the exact same ears, but not you,” Edelgard explains to her with a sense of awe for Rhea’s ears that’s both endearing and slightly amusing. “You have _special_ ears,” Edelgard declares seriously, causing Rhea to break into soft laughter.

“That’s the strangest compliment I’ve ever gotten,” she chuckles. “But knowing you it’s most likely an incredible big one.”

Edelgard nods and it’s just a tad too vigorous that Rhea can’t help but laugh again at the endearingly comical sight. “I find you really beautiful too,” she quickly says when Edelgard flusters and pouts in response to her laughter.

“Really?” comes the soft and vulnerable reply, as Edelgard looks at her curiously.

“I would have hoped I had managed to prove this to you with how just now I utterly devoted myself to your body,” Rhea hums and revels in how Edelgard’s cheeks immediately redden. Back to being prude again, it seems.

“You did,” Edelgard confirms shyly. “Plenty. …I’m sorry, it’s just so hard to believe. It’s... ah, I’m unused to the idea.”

“I understand,” Rhea comforts her. “Or no, I don’t understand exactly how you feel but I can understand that to you your scars are hard to accept as beautiful,” she tries to explain. “As they serve as a reminder of what you went through, I asume." She waits for confirmation from Edelgard, which comes in the form of a shy nod, before continuing. "But to me it's different, when I see your scars I only see them as a part of _you._ And you are wholly beautiful,” she ends with a smile.

“Wholly me…” Edelgard repeats softly, the words seemingly of deep meaning to her, and then returns the smile, it’s there but small and so fragile. “Alright, then I will trust your opinion over mine,” she says with a light nod.

Rhea gives her a proud look. “You should. I’m an expert,” she boasts to Edelgard with mischief lacing her voice. “And you’re really an _exquisite_ specimen… except for the ears, naturally. They’re terribly mundane,” she says as haughty as possible, grinning all the while. “Like the rest of you humans.” She crinkles her nose for added effect but is jolted out of that when she feels Edelgard’s fingers tug at her hair playfully.

“Your sense of humor is atrocious,” she lectures Rhea, attempting to sound stern but the grin tugging on the edges of her lips makes it unable for her to do so. She pushes against Rhea’s shoulder until she moves along with Edelgard and lays on her back, after which Edelgard makes a sound of annoyance before stubbornly wrapping her arm around Rhea’s waist and burying her head into the crook of her neck. “Truly atrocious,” she repeats with a huff, the sound muffled by locks of green hair.

“Hmm,” is all Rhea responds with, not entirely disagreeing with Edelgard’s statement about her sense of humor. With her fingers she trails up and down over the arm slung around her waist and she gets terribly distracted once they brush over scars lining Edelgard’s wrist.

“Seiros,” Edelgard murmurs, making Rhea realize that the both of them had been quiet for a good few moments.

“Yes?” There is a certain edge to Edelgard’s voice which makes Rhea apprehensive.

The white haired woman raises her head to meet Rhea’s eyes. “In some ways these scars made me what I am today, wouldn’t you say?” she asks, yet her expression is fragile, almost even fearful.

‘In some way yes. They added in sculpting certain parts of you. Your body, but also some complex parts of your personality, I think,” Rhea considers. “If you agree with my words that is, you know much better what kind of effect they’ve had on you,” she hurriedly adds.

Edelgard smiles at her. “I do, but I learned the most important parts in the past two weeks, because of the time we spend together,” she tells Rhea who watches her look cheeks fluster and turn to look so vulnerable again.

“I’m glad then, that I could help, and that you were able let me in, it means the world to me.”

Edelgard looks at her with an intense look in her eyes for three long seconds before promptly burying her head into her neck, where she’s hidden safely in green locks.

“Seiros I… uhm… I want a scar on my body from you,” Edelgard mumbles shyly into her hair. “Not because of the pain or anything,” she adds nervously. “Just something that reminds me of you. A lasting mark on my body that’s positive and brings me happiness… I want the mark you left on my soul to be on my body as well.”

She’s quiet for a moment, along with Rhea who once again feels too much to respond.

“Ah, you don’t have to of course, I know it’s weird and-”

“I’ll do it,” Rhea interrupts her. She doesn’t at all know how she will but she’s determined to do it regardless.

Against her she feels Edelgard sigh in relief. “…Okay,” is all she says.

Strangeness of it aside, Rhea can understand why Edelgard would want it, with how the way her body looks to her has shaped her. …And in an odd way the idea of it has something very intimate as well. She quickly grows enthralled with the idea.

Edelgard makes a content noise, it sounds so sleepy Rhea is sure Edelgard is drifting off into a slumber.

“It would be nice to always have something of you with me,” she says. After a yawn she continues. “I know I already have your Crest but I was born with that. I want it to be something you gave me willingly. Something we did together and proof that at one point in time we were so close. I want the mark to signify that,” she mumbles drowsily and yawns before she nuzzles her head more comfortably against Rhea’s neck and relaxes her body with a content sigh.

Rhea’s heart throbs hard but pleasantly so and she finds herself smiling at Edelgard’s sleepy explanation.

“...If I had lived, that is.”

Edelgard doesn’t seem to notice anymore how Rhea freezes but Rhea is suddenly keenly aware of the slowing heartbeat against her body.

And abruptly she hates herself for even daring to enjoy Edelgard’s request so freely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhea  
> I see the throat  
> Can't help but squeeze  
> But not too long  
> Her heart might cease
> 
> It is not me  
> My Writer a tease  
> So when I do  
> It for Writer to please  
> ;)
> 
> *Checks of the last of four boxes*  
> "That's it, now both of them have done the two vanilla forms of sex to each other.  
> *Low voice* "Perfectly balanced... As all things should be."  
> Just kidding, I only planned two sex scenes and one of them was this one. The rest was their own doing, they be thirsty. 
> 
> POV: ur Edelgard with your wrists tied up behind u and you watch ur idiotic big tiddy poops gf stare with mild dread at your royal pussy for a good thirty seconds, while you witness her brain go [error, system software not found. Please update drivers.].  
> Edelgard. What a Champ.
> 
> I finally figured out how to write a sex chapter without my brain going "Cringe, oh god horrible, stop it, cringe, you're NOT writing this word. This is awful, stop you suck eaedjfjgpjhphjda"  
> And it's listening to depressing music while writing to keep that part of my brain occupied.  
> So I wish to retroactively ruin the chapter for you by revealing that at least half of this chapter was written to How to save a life- by The Fray.  
> Because a song about watching someone slip away while you are too weak to reach out to them until they die/kill themselves totally doesn't relate to this fic- oh wait hahahaha


	20. The fortress

Rhea manages to wake before Edelgard does, something she cherishes and considers a delightful occurrence as now she can let her eyes leisurely wander over the younger woman, who is currently huddled safely into her chest, a content expression on her sleeping features. Edelgard lies with her legs pressed against the length of Rhea’s body and her hands balled into loose fists folded against her own chest, which is pressed against Rhea as well.

Unable to remember if she did so while still awake or somewhere during her slumber, Rhea’s own arm is gently draped over the smaller woman’s back, making it impossible for her to move at all, lest she might wake Edelgard up. Something which she doesn’t want to happen quite yet.

It’s sad that she can’t move, Rhea thinks to herself, but instead she can look and listen, something which she does for quite some time. It gives her some peace of mind, simply feeling and listening to Edelgard’s slow breathing, her chest softly rising and falling against Rhea’s form. It’s peace of mind she sorely needs to keep her thoughts from lingering to darker topics.

Their shared warmth is so comforting it makes Rhea feel slightly dazed, lulled into a sense of safety she rarely feels anymore these days. It takes a conscious effort but when she focuses on Edelgard’s heartbeat she can feel the slow pulse beat against her own body, making Rhea feel even more hazy and unwilling to do anything but this.

So Rhea indulges, wastes precious time she could – _should-_ instead spend with Edelgard awake, and lets herself enjoy feeling the former Emperor sleep peacefully against her side.

As long as Rhea can, that is.

Because she gets to enjoy her small bubble of found comfort until her own mind simply won’t let her anymore, the whirlwind of thoughts she doesn’t want to dwell on making her increasingly desperate for an awake and _talkative_ Edelgard to distract her from herself. She already feels herself tense up and bouts of anxiety was over her in short waves, a promise of the bigger waves to come if Rhea doesn’t intervene.

Considering herself to be very polite, Rhea moves her hand up Edelgard’s back until it reaches the nape of her neck, where she gently rakes her fingers through the roots of the girl’s hair.

Edelgard doesn’t return her polite attempt by being polite herself and kindly waking up. Instead she mostly ignores Rhea’s feeble attempts, only making a faint noise of comfort a long time into Rhea patiently playing with her hair, after which she snuggles closer and doesn’t respond at all to Rhea’s increasingly more thorough touches anymore.

When Rhea feels she has ran out of options - and patience, really- she stills entirely for a few moments, looking at Edelgard with a small frown as she contemplates her next move, until she feels something –most likely her patience- snap inside her and in one quick motion her fingers twirl around a lock of white hair until it’s stuck tightly around them before she tugs at it with a force that’s just underneath rough.

A sharp cry of surprise echoes throughout the room, followed by a startled Edelgard thrusting up her arm on instinct, accidentally punching Rhea in the chin as she does, after which another sharp cry echoes through the room, this time from Rhea who’s own hand shoots to her jaw on an impulse to soothe the pain.

Well, she can’t argue she didn’t deserve that.

“Oh good, you’re up,” Rhea mutters dryly as she rubs her jaw to, wincing as she presses into the sore spot too hard.

With wide eyes Edelgard realizes what her hand just hit. “Oh Goddess, I’m so sorry,” she hurriedly apologies, looking at Rhea with a terribly guilty expression. “I just felt pain and…I thought, and… wait,” she halts mid-sentence and stares at Rhea with rapidly growing suspicion until her memories seem to catch up with the rest of her brain. “Did you pull my hair?” she asks incredulously, glaring at Rhea with a look that makes it clear Edelgard has already reached the answer to her own question herself.

The apologetic expression Rhea wears along with the faint grin she can’t suppress subtly tugging at the corners of her lips tell the now fuming smaller woman all she needs to know, namely that Rhea doesn’t feel a shred of guilt and, even worse, things Edelgard’s reaction is amusing.

“What was the point of doing that?” Edelgard demands with a fiery passion, tapping against Rhea’s forehead with her finger expectantly.

Rhea looks at her, clueless as to what on earth she should respond with, and abruptly the nerves plaguing her from before she had woken Edelgard get the better of her.

Edelgard clearly hadn’t expected to watch Rhea break into uncontrollable giggling while politely covering her mouth with her hand in a vain attempt to muffle the sound, as the girl stares at the sight wither mouth agape and eyebrows raised, looking bewildered and seemingly confused as to how react to the odd sight.

But the whole situation is just a little too much for Rhea to think about deeply right now and keeping her mind on lighter topics is the only way she can cope.

Edelgard keeps her eyes on Rhea unblinkingly, her eyebrows still raised and now looking vaguely torn in-between being offended and struggling as to how to deal with the dignified Archbishop having succumbed into a fit of _giggles._

And promptly Edelgard joins Rhea and breaks into giggling herself.

“You horrible Saint,” she laughs as she lightly grabs Rhea by the shoulders and presses her further onto the bed until Rhea is lying on her back, after which she leans over her with a smile. “You are so… so… _petty._ How is it that your _childish_ pettiness, along with all of all those other wonderful and stupid sides of you, have been hidden behind that awful mask of yours so long?”

Rhea returns the smile of the girl playfully looming above her. “Because of you,” she tells Edelgard. “With you I can let go of my mask,” she says as her smile turns more tender. “It’s only with you, and to a lesser extend my family, that I can let it slip of so easily,” she tells Edelgard softly, who immediately seems to be very taken with Rhea’s words as an emotional expression, along with bliss and gratefulness settles on her features.

She withdraws slightly and instead leisurely crosses her arms over Rhea’s chest, resting her head on top of her raised hands, as Rhea makes a polite effort not to gasp at the sudden weight on her lungs. “We make quite a pair, don’t we?” Edelgard says as she stares into Rhea’s eyes with light but intimate affection. “You shattered my mask as well,” she tells Rhea as her cheeks fluster for saying something that affects herself so deeply.

“A mutual exchange then,” Rhea tells her to ease away Edelgard’s vulnerability. 

“Yes,” Edelgard laughs softly and then looks away wistfully. “But you didn’t just shatter my mask, you shattered me as well. Broke me down to pieces, freed me from the fragments that were truly blackened and broken and build me up into someone who is… free. Someone who has truly found peace,” she finishes with an expression on her face that makes her look so breathtakingly full of life and exhilarating. The kind of expression Rhea remembers having seen on the young woman’s face over things so small that Rhea thought them too insignificant to notice while Edelgard seemed to cherish them deeply.

And with Edelgard’s presence by her side Rhea feels herself beginning to cherish those small things more as well.

Perhaps somewhere over the many years of life which often passed Rhea by in a hazy blur she had gotten too weary to find joy those small kinds of things which Edelgard seems to find in every nook and cranny.

With a twinge of pain in her heart Rhea wonders if carrying that skill of Edelgard into the future with her will let her be at ease in the world a little more and perhaps even help her to understand what it is all those people who rely on her truly need.

She reaches for Edelgard’s hand and grabs it. “Come,” she encourages gently with a small tug of her hand. “Let’s enjoy ourselves today. I feel for once the Emperor and the Archbishop should indulge and drown themselves in everything they can get their greedy fingers on.”

With a laugh that turns into an excited look of mischief Edelgard lets her be pulled out from under the sheets and with the support of Rhea’s hand she steps out of the bed with more elegance than her naked form –full of bruises, purple marks and red scratches- along with her messy hair suggests she should be capable of pulling in her current state.

Almost simultaneously both Rhea and Edelgard realize they’re quite suddenly _very_ naked, and despite them having been naked very long and intimately so just a mere night of sleep ago it still feels a bit jarring, especially when both of them are basking in the warm and bright light of the morning sun and not at all with their minds currently on _those_ topics. The Saint idly wonders if Edelgard would be comfortable with Rhea being casually naked, something she does on occasion without a thought when she’s alone in her chambers.

One short glace at Edelgard tells her that that’s a clear _no_ the noble-raised girl, who is rather unused with any sort of nudity courtesy of her upbringing.

She’s standing upright and looking unnaturally stiff while trying and failing to keep her posture relaxed, as she is visibly suppressing the urge to cover various places of her own body with her hands, places of which she has far too many for her two hands to cover and so she’s mostly just awkwardly fidgeting while pointedly avoiding looking into the direction of most of Rhea’s _areas._

Wanting to ease away the girls’ bashfulness Rhea tries to throw her own line of reasoning into the air. “I refuse to put on anything decent today,” she starts out with, immediately receiving a mildly worried glance from a flustered and concerned Edelgard, who did not take Rhea’s words as intended. “Anything decent for an _Archbishop._ Anything regal and dignified looking,” she clarifies hurriedly, making Edelgard expression go from worried to puzzled.

Rhea squeezes the girls’ hand in her own and smiles at her with a hint of mischief. “I remember someone telling me she thought I looked more beautiful without all my religious attires and ornaments,” she explains. “And the same goes for you, to a lesser extent,” she says much more gently, not wanting to upset the girl, who already is so fragile in her sense of pride. “I want to see you _as_ you. I want to see you comfortable.”

Without warning Rhea turns on her heels and makes her way to one of her impressive looking wardrobes. “So,” she says with dramatic flair as she opens both of the wardrobe’s door with enthusiasm. “Pyjama day it is.”

Edelgard does a double take before blinking slowly at Rhea with an almost vacant expression on her face, too shocked to react to what the leader of the Church just suggested.

“You can do that?” she asks, seemingly confused that not dressing in appropriate daywear during the _day_ is a genuine option.

Rhea can’t tell if the ‘ _you’_ in Edelgard’s question refers to being able to do the act in general or Rhea specifically but the look on the girl’s face tells her it’s a whole new concept to the Emperor –who is uniquely sheltered in her own way.

“Have you never had such a day?” Rhea asks as Edelgard’s eyes meet hers. “A day where no public appearance of you was required? Even as Archbishop I don’t have to partake in some festivities, mainly those for the students, so I’ve always have those days for myself,” she muses out loud, “as well as the odd day where things just had been going so smooth and slow I had finished all work for the next day to create an empty schedule.”

Edelgard moves to stare at the ground with an air of something heavy around her. “Even if whenever I had done twice as many meetings than usual on a day and did everything as efficiently as possible I never ran out of paperwork.” Abruptly she jerks her head up. Her eyes are a little glassy and there is a hollow pain behind them. “And if it wasn’t paperwork it was planning with others until the early hours of the morning or I’d have to parade around the knights to boost morale, greet citizens to remind them of my care for them. I always wore the heavy gowns fit for a strong, unwavering and resolute Emperor. I needed them to see me like that…” Her voice trails of awkwardly before a twinge of hope, of optimism sparks in her eyes. “I needed to look representable at any moment in case I was required somewhere.”

She stands there looking downtrodden for a moment longer before she overcomes it and brightens up slightly.

“I got injured or sick on a few rare occasions,” Edelgard says, sounding more excited than the topic would suggest, “mostly only if I overexerted the power of both Crests at once, after that my body would sometimes be so fragile it would only damage my image if people saw me like in such a state, so on those scarce days I had the permission to work from my chambers in my smallclothes with a lighter dress over it. I cherished those days,” she says with a smile on her lips and her mind stuck in the past. “Is that similar?”

A part Rhea has to repress a chuckle because Edelgard has apparently truly never heard of the concept of being lazy and indulging at your own leisure, but the pain of Edelgard feeling so out of her depth as she tells Rhea she more or less spend every waking hour of her life dedicated to her cause is threatening to break Rhea’s heart again.

No matter the suffering Edelgard has caused for so many, even she deserved a day of peace on occasion.

For so long she gave all she had for her goals while giving herself nothing.

“It comes close yes, but it’s missing the ‘lazing around and indulging’ part,” Rhea tells Edelgard, who is still stiffly standing at the edge of Rhea’s bed, having opted to cover her chest with her arms, though now likely more to stave off the cold which is slowly beginning to affect the naked woman.

Rhea reaches her hands towards her. “Come,” she encourages lightly. “Let’s pick out something comfortable to wear.”

After a moment of hesitation some of Edelgard’s tension visibly slips from her face and shoulders as she hurries over toward Rhea, grabbing her outstretched hand firmly, and joins her in looking at the wardrobe’s contents.

“You uh… have a lot of them,” she says bemusedly as her eyes rapidly dart over all the garments which are admittedly running a little short on space in Rhea’s large, two-door wardrobe. “They are all different too, with so many incarnate patterns… embroideries?” she says aghast as she pulls out a sleeve to take a closer look at the complex patterns hand-woven by needle and thread into the cuff of the night gown. “That’s so time consuming,” she mutters judgmentally. “Especially for a garment no other people see you wear,” she finishes, glancing at Rhea with a frown.

A look of surprise crosses her face. “Oh! I mean uh… I guess some people saw you in this,” she says awkwardly as she flusters and looks away again.

To that Rhea can’t help but grin. Some of the clothes in this wardrobe have indeed been seen by other people. On Rhea and later _off_ Rhea… but with an odd sense of shame and amusement she has to admit to herself that among those only the _older ones_ have, those which she has poured magic into to protect them from being affected by the passage time. So it’s been… a while.

 _Several_ whiles.

“Don’t fret, what you’re imagining right now is both a thing long in the past and something so marginal it shouldn’t be of concern,” she reassures Edelgard, as far as it’s possible to explain this to someone who hasn’t even been alive for three percent compared to the amount of time Rhea has lived. Fond memories of several centuries ago don’t lose their importance to her, but those memories are still there, stuck in a bubble of the past while Rhea is here, stuck in a never-ending future where those she was once close with have been long forgotten by time.

“I never got any nightgowns for the sake of other people either way,” she shrugs, hoping to jolt Edelgard out of fretting over something she cannot possibly understand unless Rhea spends a good few hours explaining every facet of it.

It seems to work as Edelgard looks at her questioningly. “Then why? I had a few but they were all nearly identical and made to be practical, not… extravagant and lavish,” she says with slightly pursed lips and most definitely silently admonishing Rhea’s overabundance of unnecessarily luxurious nightwear. “I mean, they’re modest but… why do they look so _beautiful?”_

At that Rhea shoots her a look of mischief. “I got them all just for me,” she says with pride. “Sometimes I want to feel as if I’m beautiful as _myself_ and not as an ephemeral icon of the Church. So wearing these always made me feel a bit… rebellious,” she hums and chuckles at her own choice of words.

Edelgard struggles to hide her laugh as well. “You got them so you can feel pretty and rebellious as you sit in bed?” she asks dryly, quite clearly picturing Rhea doing such a thing in her head.

“Hmm yes, on the rare occasion I even sway all throughout my rooms like a dancer,” Rhea says, helping to fuel Edelgard’s obvious amusement at imagining Rhea being so… undignified.

Her words have their intended effect and cause Edelgard to laugh, mirth lacing her features. “So even you wanted to feel free sometimes,” Edelgard smiles softly after having regained her bearings.

Rhea too sobers up somewhat. “Yes, I suppose that whenever I am dressed in holy garments I am to represent the Church …and that’s someone I’m not deep down,” she adds in a shameful whisper. “But if I am not wearing them people aren’t allowed to see me so I am confided to my chambers.”

She puts the finger of her free lip to her hand. “In that regard you were somewhat right when you said I wasn’t human, at least symbolically as I have to hide my humanity, my flaws and whims, from the people and the version of me they always see instead… isn’t all that alive.”

Aside from her Edelgard makes a strangled noise of amusement, immediately causing Rhea to feel anger flare up inside her, a form of self-defense to avoid being hurt for getting laughed at when she just so willingly exposed herself.

“No, please don’t take me the wrong way,” Edelgard hurriedly says as she squeezes Rhea’s hand. “I understand how you feel, in many ways I felt similar. But I laughed because there is nothing more human, nothing more _you_ , than you hoarding nightgowns because you like to feel pretty as you dance through dimly lit chambers in the midst of night,” she says and by the end she’s giggling at her own words.

Rhea feels the last embers of hurt and anger die out as an uncontrollable smile forms on her lips. “Let’s do it together then,” she tells the giggling girl as she presses a kiss to her forehead. “Just pick anything you like… maybe something that would be a little short on me,” she muses sweetly.

Edelgard huffs and stares Rhea down with a prideful expression before deciding not to grace Rhea with a response as she turns to the array of mostly white garments and lets go of Rhea’s hand to pull the dresses of the hangers slightly forward out of the row to look at them more closely.

Rhea watches her idly while she pretends to rummage through her clothes herself as her skillfully hidden amusement increases along with the same pace of Edelgard’s visibly growing annoyance.

A minute later Edelgard puts back yet another garment and groans. “Do you have _anything_ at all in there that won’t make me look like a newborn about to be baptized?” she hisses with only a hint of playfulness left in her voice.

“I could baptize you,” Rhea hums nonchalantly without looking up.

The elbow being softly pushed into her ribs does make her turn her head to look at her assailant.

“Just suggesting you could really use a second one,” she can’t help but tease. “It does wonders for cleansing one’s soul.”

An angry hiss and a foot stomping onto the floor is the only response the very flustered Edelgard is capable of.

Taking pity on the embarrassed girl Rhea relents. “Alright, my apologies. Wait, I might know something more suitable.” She closes one of the wardrobe’s doors holding the row of coat hangers within it and opens a third door to the side of it.

“You have even _more_ ,” Edelgard croaks incredulously when the newly open door reveals several more shelves nearly stacked to the brim with folded clothes. “Just how much decadent, unnecessary luxury do you need to hoard for yourself to be satisfied?”

Feeling slightly miffed for being called decadent Rhea draws her head back. “I saved up for these you know,” she says, purposely pouting and looking sad. “…In my own way at least as I _technically_ don’t have any income of sorts to speak of,” she admits with a vaguely guilty expression, which is immediately met with harsh but silent judgment from Edelgard. “But the money never came from the Church’s treasury nor from any charities, I assure you that,” Rhea hastily informs Edelgard.

“Besides,” she continues fondly, as her eyes fall on a familiar white tunic that would be considered appropriate to wear under a light dress or coat had it been made from the right materials. “A lot of these I’ve had for quite some centuries. Can it really be called hoarding or superflicious decadency if I got one maybe every fifty years or so, and with most of them coming with memories I hold dear from that time?” she asks Edelgard wistfully as she takes out the tunic from a stack of clothes.

Now it’s Edelgard’s time to look guilty. With reddened cheeks she glances down, where she clenches her fists and loosens them again as she forces herself to meet Rhea’s eyes despite her shame. “I’m sorry,” she says curtly. “I shouldn’t have… thought of you that way.”

“No offense taken,” Rhea reassures her with a smile. “You couldn’t have known my reasons, and even then I imagine it must be quite a struggle for you to truly grasp it all.”

Relieved, Edelgard nods sheepishly.

“Here,” Rhea says and holds the tunic in front of Edelgard in an attempt to erase the faintest of tension between them. “I think this would suit you.”

When a curious Edelgard delicately grabs the garment by the hem of the shoulders and watches it fall down to its full length she makes a pleased sound and presses the fabric against the front of her body. The shoulders of the tunic alighting with her own. Another -more excited- pleased noise comes from her when she sees the garment would fall just above her knees.

Definitely indecent for a noble lady in public.

Perfect for a not-so noble Edelgard alone with Rhea.

“It’s supposed to be a set of two pieces,” Rhea explains as she closes the door again and steps back in front of the large row of nightgowns again, “there is a long skirt in here somewhere that goes with it, but you won’t need it.” Her fingers deftly slide over the shoulders of each garment as she talks, taking quick glances at each one as she suddenly has a specific dress in mind for herself. “It looks nice and all,” she says with a laugh. “But while sitting behind your desk in your lavish pyjamas might be pleasant, sleeping in a long skirt most definitely isn’t,” she chuckles. “It felt as if my legs kept getting tangled up in a spider web each time I shifted.”

Her finger stills once her eyes settles on a familiar piece of clothing jutting out from the rest. It originally wasn’t even nightwear but Rhea has long since ran out of opportunities to wear this outside of her chambers. It comes with many memories for Rhea. Some now just a sensation, a nostalgic longing of warm evenings when she wasn’t yet burdened with the weight of the world on her shoulders and instead only a featherlight white dress burdened her shoulders, one that had been tailored to be so loose fitting that everything but the soft bodice covering her torso would twirl and sway with each step she took.

The dress was simple compared to what she would usually wear. It had minimally decorated, vertical stripes sewed into the bodice in order to keep some resemblance of decency and prevent the dress from shifting or slipping of her shoulder. Other than that it was just the usual layers of fabric sewn from her waist until the hem of her dress under her knees, each layer slightly wider than the one above it so the dress would move around her so freely.

Without saying a word Rhea turns her back to Edelgard –who is fumbling with the tunic’s complicated ropes bringing the chest and sides together, the first step to get the garment onto herself- and begins to put on her own dress as well.

She wants to surprise Edelgard, hoping she will understand just a little bit of how much meaning it holds for Rhea, and if Edelgard sees the front of the dress she will see just _how_ meaningful it is, especially between the two of them.

The only decorations woven into the garment are two small, wooden buttons on the sleeves. Each engraved with a now slightly faded Crest of Seiros on both of the sleeves just above the cuffs so she could roll up her –otherwise somewhat unpractically wide- sleeves and hook the buttons through a small opening in the fabric to keep her rolled sleeves neatly in place. A small smile blooms on her lips when her fingers gingerly trail over the only decorative addition to the dress which had served no practical purpose.

A small, gold twin-headed eagle embroidered into where the modest neckline meets in the middle just above the chest.

Wilhelm had all but ordered her to get it made shortly after the war had ended. The both of them carried scars from the war, most of them on the inside and which not even they themselves yet understood just how deep they ran. Wilhelm was blessed with a growing family who was always there with him to distract him from his thoughts and memories, and if they weren’t there he was distracted with his valiant effort of establishing a whole kingdom.

Rhea on the other had… no one. The void that coiled inside her, constantly hurting so deeply ever since her Mother and siblings had died was still fresh, and while it had been temporary filled with the distraction of vengeance, soothed with an army that she could dwell among and even a close camaraderie with her most trusted ally, all of that had crumbled into a smoldering pile of ash shortly after.

They could move on, they had a future.

Rhea, with two of her last remaining brothers turning their back on humanity forever and disappearing into obscurity while the other had gone into a deep sleep with his growing daughter to recover from the ordeal and to be able to easily change identities by the time they woke up… Rhea would forever remain stuck in the past.

But not if Wilhelm had a say in it.

So begrudgingly she had gotten the dress made, tried to hide how nice it felt on her body, to be clothed again in something that wasn’t for war or politics or religion but just something for _her,_ and had unenthusiastically joined him when he had asked – _persuaded-_ her to come to the unruly gardens surrounding his budding palace with him, his wife, children and even a few close friends of his to bask in the warmth of slowly setting sun one afternoon.

She had been nervous, annoyed too that Wilhelm dared to think that being forced to spend time with people she didn’t know, and almost certainly wouldn’t like, would ‘cheer her up’.

But Wilhelm had made no such attempts at trying to cheer her up, or to change anything about her mood. Instead he treated her as a dear friend, an equal among all the adults there, who had accepted her and her stiff behavior without so much as an odd look.

These days Rhea can’t remember anymore just when the ice in her heart melted that evening, or perhaps she had never even known when it had, but she remembers with clarity how she suddenly found herself laughing so much it hurt, running around a boulder with screaming and cheering children on her trail and finally laying on the large improvised pick-nick blanket they had brought with them, staring at the rising stars while she spoke about everything and nothing with people whose names she had yet to learn.

That evening, and the many that had followed after, had taken some of the war out of Rhea. At least enough that while moving on still wasn’t an option, looking into the future had become had.

Over the many years those kind of evenings grew more scarce, not even Wilhelm could avoid sacrificing some of his freedoms the more demanding his reign as Emperor became. And as with all things pertaining to humanity, everything always changes. The people grew older, move elsewhere, their own children – now adults as well- got married and settled down. In the end Wilhelm’s health wouldn’t permit outdoor trips in the warmth or in a breeze anymore.

And then one day Wilhelm’s future took him to a world far removed from where Rhea was still stuck in his past.

With her friends and acquaintances gone the void in her heart started demanding attention again, a thrumming hollowness that followed her everywhere she went. Unable to make new connections in this state of mind Rhea had purposely let herself fade into obscurity for a while, only reemerging once her feelings aligned with her desire to shape the future- and under a new identity.

Even though the pain and hurt within the void that had been temporarily replaced by Wilhelm and his companions had returned, the longing for a future he had instilled in her had never left.

“Seiros?” she hears coming from behind her softly. “What are you thinking about?” 

With a start Rhea realizes she had finished putting on her clothes properly nearly a minute ago and had been staring vacantly at the wall a good distance away from her.

“Nothing,” she says out of habit, then tries to correct herself as she turns to face Edelgard. “No I mean, this dress, it comes with a lot of memor-”

A soft gasp followed immediately by pupils growing wide is what interrupts Rhea.

Along with her own voice betraying her when she lays eyes on Edelgard who managed to pull and tie all the ropes lining the front and sides of the tunic she’s now wearing in such a way the garment looks like it was specifically tailored just for her.

Rhea never thought that seeing someone look so comfortable in clothing could look so incredibly beautiful and attractive.

She’s nearly overcome by the urge to pick Edelgard up and place her on the bed, where she wants to take her good time appreciating how Edelgard looks, somehow younger and yet more vibrant was well.

But, as per tradition by now, Edelgard beats her in terms of being quicker to do something.

In one step she’s in front of Rhea, her eyes transfixed on the golden symbol of Ardrestia in the middle of Rhea’s chest.

“You… you have a dress with the Ardrestian sigil,” she murmurs hazily with her eyes clouded over but still focused on nothing but Rhea and the small twin-headed eagle, the intricate patterns of which Edelgard is intently, almost lovingly so, stroking her thumb over in slow circles. A small smile blooms on her open expression. “Why do you have this?” she asks Rhea softly, never taking her eyes of the sigil. “Why would you keep something like this after… after _me,”_ she murmurs, her voice now distant as guilt mares her delicate tone.

Rhea tries to ease the other woman’s pain with small touches. “There have been so many Hresvelgs before you, my dear,” she hums and gently brushes her fingers through Edelgard’s long white hair. “This dress was made shortly after the war against Nemesis had ended.” Rhea moves to gently slide her knuckles over the sensitive spot behind Edelgard’s ear. “Your ancestor, Wilhelm and I,” she continues on, feeling her heart skip a beat as she watches Edelgard transfixed by her words and ministrations, almost as if Rhea has the girl under her spell. “We remained close friends after the war ended and this dress helped… leaving the war behind us.”

With a smile Rhea draws back her hand, evoking a soft sigh from the girl in front of her. Rhea’s hand comes to rest against Edelgard’s slightly darkened cheek instead, where she continues drawing slow circles with her thumb. When Edelgard sighs again it’s one that makes her sound utterly content as she immediately leans her head into Rhea’s open hand.

Edelgard is staring into her eyes with lidded eyes, yet still Rhea knows the girl heard and remembers every word she just told her. The young woman is just feeling really at ease and… complacent.

Rhea’s heart flutters with endearment at the sight. “My friendship with him and a few others was close and it remained that way for what felt like forever,” she halts her words on impulse, surprised by the twinge of pain that suddenly surfaces. Edelgard must have seen it in her as the girl raises her hand to intertwine her fingers with those of Rhea before she gently pulls the Saint’s hand back towards her and presses their entwined hands against her own hip, where Edelgard strokes her thumb over the fingers of Rhea she can reach that way and cocks her head at Rhea with a subtly reassuring smile.

Rhea nods gratefully in return and swallows before continuing, “for so long it was the same, for so long it was always a surprise who could make our planned meetings but even without a few of them our meetings were always cheerful and so full of happiness, especially when some started bringing their children. Of course over the many years that passed our friendship changed but the experiences we went through together always served to keep us bound together.”

“But then… one day it occurred to me I was seeing these people I cared about so deeply -my friends- less and less and there I came to realize that with each meeting fewer of them were coming. El… some of them had already passed and I had been too blind to see how that would affect us, me most of all. O-on that day I realized that this thing I thought I had in my grasp, of which I had been so sure it would always be _there_ … that it had already crumbled and nothing but some sand was what remained in my hands.”

She feels Edelgard grab both her hands now and bring them together between them. “You’re shaking,” she states softly and squeezes Rhea’s hands, which were indeed trembling Rhea realizes now that Edelgard pointed it out to her. “You don’t have to talk about these things if they’re too painful,” Edelgard tells her gently.

“No, I want to,” Rhea immediately breathes out. “I want to tell you everything.” Slightly startled by her own rather forceful words she gives Edelgard a slightly apologetic look as she calms herself. “Everything you want to hear that is,” she adds, unable to bear the thought she’d be boring Edelgard in her last days on Fodlan.

“So everything, then,” the younger woman tells her earnestly and if the rest of her expression didn’t make her look so genuine the small grin blooming on her lips might have caused Rhea to question her motives, so quick to resort to self-defense in her fragile state of mind, but now Rhea finds herself smiling in return despite herself..

Edelgard lets one hand go and gently pulls Rhea along towards the bed. “Let’s get comfortable then,” she says as she takes Rhea with her.

Rhea nods behind her, only to realize that Edelgard cannot see her. “I’d like that,” she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

A flash of green in front of her vision reminds her that she wants her current appearance have one more addition. “Wait,” she tells Edelgard, who turns around and gazes at her with a questioning look. “My hair,” Rhea mumbles, suddenly feeling very awkward about the topic. “I used to braid it, for convenience… and because I liked it.” She gives Edelgard an embarrassed look. “I want to braid my hair today.”

Edelgard looks her over carefully before nodding with a soft smile on her lips. “I would like to see that,” she encourages Rhea with a hint of eagerness. “Do you keep ribbons in your chambers?”

“Yes, in my office, I’ll go get it,” Rhea says and after giving Edelgard a quick kiss on the lips she turns around towards her office.

“Good, then I’ll prepare the bed in the meantime.” Rhea hears coming from behind her.

Puzzled by Edelgard’s words Rhea wonders what kind of preparation the bed could possibly use. Sure, they didn’t properly make the bed when getting out of it, with the sheets still tussled but Rhea hadn’t seen an issue with it, not today at least. Maybe Edelgard had?

The thought slips from her minds as she opens a large drawer with all kinds of boxes and baskets filled with items that once belonged to her. They still do in a way, but the right to use them whenever she wants to had been taken from her once she took on the mantle of Archbishop. Boxes full of earrings, necklaces, bracelets and all sorts of things that once made her _her_ , all relics of the past now.

Except for one, today she can bring one relic from the past into the future. Her eyes land on the long but short oval shaped blue box, the one where she kept any hair ties, clasps and ribbons.

She easily finds the small box where she kept the long red ribbon she always wore around her braided hair, along with several small hair ties, which she would always use to actually bind her hair at the end of her braid so it would stay in place. But the red ribbon was what made it truly a part of herself, with so many of her memories, most before that war, having include her ribbon, the thing she had once bought on a whim at a market not that long after she tentatively started living among humans. Still, no matter how insignificant it seemed to others, with her hair messily braided, the ribbon wrapped around her braid in uneven patterns, tightly in some places, loose on others and with the ends swaying along with her hair, she felt more true to herself. Wilder, and more free. Perhaps even feral.

A little less human at least, something she had still been struggling with when she had bought it.

And not as immaculate as she looks these days.

Just as she wants to close the drawer her eyes fall on another ribbon. It used to be another shade of red but this one wasn’t as fortunate to receive Rhea’s blessing of being magically exempt from the passage of time, so with how much sunlight it had to withstand over the years it can no longer be called red and instead it’s more of a faded pink.

If you squint and use your powers of imagination just a little the shade might even be called lilac.

With a new idea in her head and her heart suddenly hammering in her chest Rhea tries to look for a matching companion for the faded string of lint.

She quickly resigns herself to the fact that her attempt is fruitless. Not only did the color of ribbon just happen to drain in exactly this particular way it kind of resembles Edelgard’s ribbons from her student days, Rhea herself also never wore two matching ribbons to begin with, so the chances of finding any matching pair at all are zero.

Quick footsteps alert her to the approach of Edelgard right before the girl’s voice comes from the door opening, giving Rhea just enough time to hide the faded ribbon in the palm of her hand along with the other one and the smaller ties.

“Seiros, I remember seeing pillows on the sofa in your office,” Edelgard declares casually as she saunters into the room. “Ah those,” she tells Rhea as she vaguely gestures into the direction of the sofa. “Can you bring those? I’m almost done but I need more,” she explains, adding to Rhea’s growing confusion as she wonders what kind of antics the other woman is up to in her bedroom. “Oh and do you have a spare blanket maybe?” Edelgard asks her, patiently waiting for an answer until Rhea finally manages a weak nod before she quickly turns around on her feet, completely missing Rhea’s rapidly growing confusion as she disappears into the bedroom again.

With worry boiling in her stomach Rhea nearly gives in to the impulse to hurriedly chase after Edelgard at once in order to assess the damage the girl has managed to do to the bedroom in the span of maybe three minutes.

…But before she does just that she makes a small detour past her sofa where she picks up the two small decorative pillows and the one big one placed in the middle, just as was requested from her.

As if she could possibly still have the willpower in her to deny Edelgard anything the girl asks from her.

Even so Rhea makes her way into her bedroom with mild trepidation. Once she makes it through the bedroom door the feeling evaporates and makes way for bewilderment at the sight of Edelgard’s creation.

“Did you make a nest on my bed?” she asks perplexed, her eyebrows raised as her eyes focus on the pillows and blankets Edelgard has scavenged from all the chairs and sofa in her bedroom, combined them with the heap of pillows already on Rhea’s bed and has stacked atop of each other in what looks like half a circle, with most of it leaning against the headboard of the bed.

Edelgard, who had been standing with her back to Rhea while forcing a blanket into what only Edelgard can see is its ‘proper form’, turns around with a frown on her face.

“What? No,” she grumbles, slightly upset by Rhea’s very wrong assessment of the situation at hand. “It’s a pillow-fort,” she explains awkwardly and with her cheeks flustering she abruptly glances to the side. “You said that wearing pyjamas makes you feel comfortable and… well, when I was young me and my siblings would build them sometimes and I remember how that made _me_ comfortable so I thought… both?” she mutters, still unable to make eye-contact.

Both her explanation and the sight of her looking so small and uncomfortable tug on Rhea’s heartstrings. “A pillow-fort it is then,” she promptly declares, deeply serious with a sprinkle of unnecessary dramatics. “Here,” she says and walks over to drop the pillows she took with her into the arms of a surprised Edelgard. “To fortify the barricades,” Rhea adds with a wink.

Edelgard blinks once and looks Rhea closely over, searching for any signs that she’s being mocked, once she decides that she isn’t she nods slowly, regaining some of her confidence as she turns back around to add the pillows to the pile.

Pleased and smiling to herself Rhea walks to one of her drawers to take a large spare blanket from it, deftly concealing the ribbons still hidden in her fist all the while.

Making her way over to the bed, where she patiently waits for Edelgard to take the blanket from her, Rhea struggles not to smirk at the sight of the busy girl putting an impressive amount of effort into creating a pillow-fort – something which most definitely _doesn’t_ stem from her latent mammalian nest-building drive.

An instinct which Nabateans somewhat lack, even in human form.

…Although Rhea can’t deny that her bed already contained an unnecessary amount of pillows… perhaps she has something to admit to herself as well. Then again, her bed was wide enough that three people could fit easily and it looked so… devoid of life with at least some decoration.

Thankfully Rhea succeeded in hiding her amusement while she watched Edelgard being busy scavenging and arranging well enough as the younger woman seems completely oblivious to it when she comes to take over the blanket in Rhea’s arms.

The girl hoists it up under one arm and with her free hand reaches out for Rhea’s hand. “Come,” she says and tries to interlace their fingers.

But fails to do so as Rhea keeps her hand firmly clenched into a fist.

Because the ribbons are still in there.

“It’s a present,” Rhea explains awkwardly when Edelgard looks at her confused and slightly dejected.

The woman raises her eyebrows at hearing Rhea’s words. “Your fist is a present for me?” she asks skeptically.

“What’s _inside_ my fist El,” Rhea sighs, though this time she cannot keep the faintest of grins from her face.

“Aha,” Edelgard says flatly, clearly not impressed with Rhea’s answer but thankfully also trusting her enough that she’ll let the Archbishop do this thing her own way. “Come then,” she says again, wrapping her fingers around Rhea’s wrist instead and tugging gently.

Rhea lets herself be led onto the bed, crawling between walls of pillows and blankets, and soon finds herself leaning against a stack of pillows which are kept in place by the wall behind them. Edelgard has claimed a spot for herself next to Rhea, where she’s leaning slightly against her. She spreads the blanket over both of their lower halves and meticulously tugs at the corners to get it just right.

Being surrounding by walls of pillows is more comforting than Rhea anticipated, it’s as if the world just got really small and easy to bear. And watching Edelgard do the final touches to a creation Rhea suspects will not look meticulous for very long is oddly soothing.

“So,” Edelgard says after she deems her pillow-nest-fort satisfactory. “If your present for me is not a punch to the face, then what is it?” she asks with a twinge of curious impatience.

“Ah well, I went to get my old ribbons and…” Rhea begins carefully and finally opens her fist, picking out the one she brought for Edelgard with her other hand. “I came across this one. I know it’s faded but you said you liked wearing your own so much and this is the closest color I have so…” she rambles nervously, fumbling with her words as she’s rapidly growing anxious Edelgard won’t like her attempt at being considerate.

She feels Edelgard’s hand clasp around her own before she sees it. “Thank you,” Edelgard whispers as a small smile blooms on her face. “You remembered when I told you how much wearing my ribbons meant to me. That’s… thank you.”

She looks up at Rhea tentatively. “Would you put it in my hair?” she asks quietly, the eagerness in her voice only suppressed by hear fear of the answer. “I’d need a mirror and I don’t want to get out…” she explains herself.

“Of course,” Rhea tells her with a little too much vigor. “Turn over,” she says and gestures at Edelgard, who complies with a silent nod.

Once she’s presented with the back of Edelgard’s head Rhea inquires how the girl wants her hair, as she only has one ribbon.

Edelgard gives her an easy to follow explanation, guiding Rhea’s hands with her words as she takes a lock of hair on each side of Edelgard’s head and braids those until they meet in the middle, where Rhea secures the hair with one of the small ties and finally adorns it with tying the ribbon around it, pleased with her work as she looks at the result. The way the tied up locks of hair mingle with the longer hair underneath it makes it look elegant yet still free. Unruly in a way Edelgard could make look imposing.

But the way she smiles as she gingerly moves her fingers over her hair and carefully touches the ribbon make her look anything but imposing right now.

“Your turn,” she declares promptly when she catches Rhea look at what she’s doing.

When Rhea only stares at her confusedly Edelgard sighs. “I want to do yours, so turn around.”

Rhea nearly slips up and says she can braid her own hair just fine on her own, not even needing a mirror, but catches the red on Edelgard’s cheeks and the intensity in her eyes just in time and instead does as she’s told.

She gives Edelgard a similar set of instructions, which consist of just grabbing locks on each side of her head and braiding them together behind her head, and finally wrapping the ribbon around it.

Rhea loses herself slightly in feeling Edelgard’s hand delicately weave through her hair and is rewarded with failing to notice Edelgard had taken her instructions slightly different, something which Rhea only finds out after the excited “Done!” from Edelgard makes her feel the back of her head herself.

The braid seems to be perfectly done, the ties around it too.

But Edelgard somehow decided that the ribbon had to be tied into a big bow on the _top_ of Rhea’s head, just where the braid starts.

For the Goddess’ sake she probably looks like a schoolgirl like this.

But Edelgard is looking at her so proud and happy with the result that not a single cell in Rhea’s body would be able to express anything which doesn’t imply Edelgard did a perfect job.

“We look the same,” the girl chirps. “Except with the place of the braids in opposite places,” she laughs. “You look cute like this,” she tells Rhea with a serious nod.

Yes, cute like a _child,_ Rhea thinks wryly to herself.

“We both do,” she says instead, struggling slightly to get the words out naturally because she cannot think of herself seriously as looking _cute._

“Yes, I would laugh if you’d come for me on the battlefield looking like this,” Edelgard giggles. “You’re not intimidating at all.”

“Like you were with your stupid crown,” Rhea bites back on impulse, because now Edelgard was just asking for it.

The consequences of her actions become known quickly when Edelgard launches herself onto Rhea and pushes her back into a sea of pillows, which collapse and cover half of her body in less than seconds. Before a surprised Rhea has time to retaliate she promptly gets whacked in the face with a pillow to boot.

Blinking bemusedly, Rhea feels a part of her more vengeful instincts beginning to insist she chokes Edelgard with a pillow _immediately,_ but before those instincts get strong enough Edelgard extinguishes the fury in Rhea by letting herself fall against Rhea, wrapping an arm around her waist as she giggles into the crook of Rhea’s neck. “Proved my point,” she insists playfully.

Rhea admits her defeat by sighing wearily as she shifts to free herself from the avalanche and wraps her arm around Edelgard and pulls her a little closer. “You got me,” she hums, not quite managing to hide her amusement. It must be an odd sight, the both of them surrounded by a mountain of pillows.

And it might have taken them a while, and a few detours, but finally they get to talk at their own leisure, safely hidden in their own small and temporary bubble, the now somewhat ruined pillow-fort.

It’s mostly Edelgard asking Rhea all sorts of questions while Rhea tries her best to explain her long and complex life. It’s more difficult to blindly ask questions in return as a lot of Edelgard’s memories are painful, have become painful over the years or have to do with her _waging a war_ to try and end Rhea’s existence once and for all.

But Edelgard manages to tell things about herself as well. Small things, things Rhea would definitely have forgotten if they had happened to her. She likely has forgotten a lot of smaller things, or never noticed them to begin with, but when Edelgard talks about how beautiful the mist would look at the crack of dawn on the waters around Garreg Mach or the way she liked how some of the architecture of the cathedral clashes with that of other buildings, Rhea realizes that she too has a fondness for those things.

She just needs Edelgard by her side to help her remember.

Fear claws at Rhea again as a wave of agonizing cold washes over her, dread that she’s about to lose something she doesn’t even truly understand the weight of yet, guilt that it’s her own fault she let it get to this point in the first place.

“I’ve always been wondering something,” Edelgard asks carefully, thankfully oblivious to the ice in Rhea’s stomach, making it melt quickly as she distracts Rhea.

“Hmm?”

“How is it exactly that no one notices you, you know… don’t age?” Edelgard asks, whispering the last words almost conspiratorially, if only for proprieties’ sake.

The question and the secretive way Edelgard words it helps Rhea jolt out of her stupor.

“It’s not that complex, really,” she smiles. “Just a charm all of my kind possesses that ensures people don’t notice we haven’t, ah… changed in quite a while,” she explains.

Edelgard immediately frowns at her. “But _I_ noticed,” she pouts, both frustrated with Rhea’s unsatisfying answer and proud of her own achievement.

“Hmm, no you didn’t. Someone _told you_ ,” Rhea corrects her airily. “There is an important difference between those two.”

“But it’s really obvious,” Edelgard still insists.

“Only once someone points it out to you. Otherwise the oddity of my existence simply will not occur to you. The thought will slip from your mind like water.”

She gets a concerned and judgmental look. “That is really wrong, you know.”

“It’s only out of self-protection,” Rhea defends herself with. “If it weren’t for that magic I would have to go to great lengths to painstakingly change my identity every fifteen years or so and pray no one from my old life will run into me, and you don’t know what it’s like to let go of all you care for every few years. Besides,” she huffs mildly annoyed, “it’s not some kind of mind control. As you said, once a person notices it’s rather obvious.”

“Can’t you make them forget?” Edelgard asks, now with a lot less judgment in her voice.

“I can yes,” Rhea hums innocuously.

“Then why didn’t you with me?”

“Because once again, it’s not some kind of mass hypnosis. I could have made you forget yes, but the moment you’d meet up with the other people who knew they would have pointed it out to you again, meaning that not only would you have remembered, you would have _also_ realized someone tampered with your memories.” She gives Edelgard a skeptical look. “Now I hope you see why I didn’t need to add that kind of fuel to the fire that was you already being of the opinion I was obfuscating important historical events.”

Edelgard looks at her with a look of defeat which quickly morphs back into defiance. “You did that though,” she mutters stubbornly.

Unable to let that slide Rhea retorts with a lengthy explanation of _why_ she did so, which turns into a very thorough debate as Edelgard tries to point out every flaw in her reasoning, which Rhea in turn has to proof herself against, continuously arguing that it was simply the only viable possibility at the time.

Their bickering lasts all the way through lunch, which consists of leftover sweets from the evening before and is eaten in bed per Edelgard’s demands, after which they argue some more because Edelgard has gotten genuinely invested in making Rhea explain nearly a thousand years of her life’s choices in half a day’s worth.

They keep going long past lunch, every topic passes the table at least once. How the Nabateans lived, the war with Nemesis, Rhea’s friendship with Wilhelm and their other friends, the foundation of the Church and _many_ more things until Edelgard finally begins to connect some of the bits and pieces of the whole and complex picture, after which her questions start being more aimed to help her grasp the context and nature of certain events.

It’s only well into the afternoon when the fire disappears from Edelgard’s words, and only because her body is beginning to give in to exhaustion, making her statements much less sharp and well thought out.

So instead of well pointed out facts and problems, Edelgard takes to not so subtly insulting Rhea, something the latter is not going to let herself be willingly subjugated to.

Without warnings she leans over and captures Edelgard’s lips in a domineering kiss, causing the younger woman to make a muffled, “oomph,” sound as wide eyes peer into Rhea’s own. Rhea can tell by the look in Edelgard’s eyes she’s debating –or rather, _fighting-_ with herself whether or not she should surrender to Rhea and cease her crude accusations.

Rhea lets her hand roam over white hair, focuses on that sensitive spot on Edelgard’s ear and trails all her fingers gingerly around Edelgard’s neck, evoking a shiver from the girl just as Rhea deepens the kiss and starts counting down from four inside her head, watching the emotional turmoil in Edelgard’s mind begin to shatter.

And just before her mind comes to zero, Edelgard relents and lets Rhea kiss and touch her however she pleases, something Rhea immediately makes use of as she crawls on top of Edelgard, with one elbow resting on the side of the girl to balance Rhea’s weight. Straddling Edelgard like this, they can deepen they kiss even more.

After what feels like minutes of content noises, barely audible gasps and pleasant sighs Rhea breaks their kiss.

It’s immediately followed by an almost angry growling noise from Edelgard, who is very displeased Rhea's lips left her own.”

Rhea grins at her, mischief marring her features. “You are so much prettier when you shut up, are you aware of that?” she says gleefully, her grin now bordering on malicious.

The words hit Edelgard hard, as she immediately gasps and blinks several times before she finds her voice again. “Prettier? _What?”_ she drawls. “How _dare_ you, that’s an insult I will not tolerate,” she tells Rhea scornfully. Still, the hint of mirth is there in her eyes, so alive and vibrant.

“You are right,” Rhea admits. “And so I shall give you my most sincere apologies, but only for this and not ever for all the other things you’ve been accusing me of for nearly three hours now,” she smiles triumphantly.

“You tricked me!” Edelgard exclaims and immediately moves to wrestle Rhea off of her, an act which Rhea slightly assists her with. The younger woman scrambles to crawl atop Rhea, trying and failing to keep the pillow-fort intact, making it truly look more like a pillow-nest now.

Once Edelgard has settled on Rhea’s lower stomach she leans over, placing her arms on each side of Rhea’s shoulders… and promptly drops face first onto Rhea’s chest. Rhea might have thought this was part of the other woman’s plan but when she notices how Edelgard’s arms are trembling she realizes how weak and exhausted the girl really is. The months leading up to her capture, with less battle and more nights awake, the heavy stress she constantly was under and the fear of death marching closer and closer truly took a toll on Edelgard’s body.

So Rhea instead gently wraps her arms around a struggling Edelgard and easily shifts the both of them until they’re on their sides facing one another.

Edelgard is glaring at her. “Let me fight you,” she stubbornly insists with a disgruntled expression etched into her face.

Rhea presses her lips to the other woman’s forehead. “I don’t want to fight you,” she tells her softy. “I want to hold you close.”

Edelgard wiggles her shoulders and grabs Rhea’s arm just above her elbow and applies force in an attempt to free herself. But with her trembling and exhausted body it’s in vein, Rhea doesn’t even really have to tighten her muscles to stay in place. “This isn’t over,” Edelgard mutters, now slightly agitated. “I want to keep going,” she insists… and then fails to suppress a yawn.

Looking embarrassed and very sleepy Edelgard still refuses to yield until Rhea innocuously suggests they take a nap, hoping that if it’s her who offers it Edelgard won’t have to wrangle with her own pride.

It works because after a moment of silence Edelgard nods quietly, yet she couldn’t completely hide the relief she feels when Rhea presented her with the opportunity.

It’s maybe ten minutes later when Edelgard is snuggled against Rhea’s chest, already having slipped into a slumber, safe and warm in Rhea’s arms.

Rhea follows her example much less easy. While her mind might be exhausted from all the emotional turmoil she’s been going through, and the dark patch in the near future she will _not_ let her thoughts stray to, her body is much less exhausted, not to mention that with Edelgard no longer awake to distract Rhea from her mind, stress takes her over instead and Rhea becomes plagued by the exact turmoil that’s been exhausting her so.

She tries to distract herself, force herself to relax, to lie still and to listen to Edelgard’s breathing, to feel the warmth of her body against her, feeling the slow movements of the girl’s chest rising and falling against her.

But no matter what she tries, Rhea feels like she’s suffocating.

It takes a long time but at one point she channels all her worries and fears into the deep need to keep Edelgard safe, no matter how brief, no matter how she’s deliberately fooling herself, because when she embraces Edelgard just a little tighter and lets her chin rest on the white hair of Edelgard’s cranium does she feel a sense calmness and relaxation washing over her.

Edelgard is safely in her arms, if only for the time being.

And finally Rhea can sidestep all the turmoil in her mind, by fooling herself that she’s solving it, and somehow manages to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

When noise makes itself apparent to Rhea sometime later she jolts awake at once, unable to remember how she fell asleep in the first place.

Apparently she slept much deeper than she had anticipated because the only reason Rhea even wakes up nearly two hours later is because Edelgard got hungry and impatiently woke Rhea by insisting she goes to get them dinner.

So, only slightly past her usual dinnertime, a half awake Rhea with her mind not yet capable of coherent thought promptly gets ushered out the door, glad she had the brains to grab a cloak in order to hide a dress brandishing a symbol she _really_ shouldn’t be caught wearing right now.

But unfortunately she failed to consider the cute bow still adorning her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing more fun than writing your whole fic in American English because that's what your word spellcheck defaults to only to realize you cannot stomach the way Americans write pyjamas. What the fuck is a pajama, it sounds like an exotic fruit, fuck you.
> 
> Chapter originally covered the entire day but I was trying to keep it under 10k and once i failed and was at 14k I cut it in half as I still want to meddle with the dialogue a bit in the second half. So next chapter soon! Hopefully.
> 
> The mammal i had in mind for Edelgard's nest building drive was definitely a beaver because of that one beaver who got taken in by a family and spend all its days hoarding everything soft it could find in their home and building dams out of it in their hall. Please don't imagine this.


	21. Below the skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Struggled real hard with saying last chapter Edelgard wanted a scar and then realizing I had to actually write it because that's hard and i am not out of touch to surprise y'all with an impromptu knifeplay kink, so I wrote it much more akin to magic tattooing. Or I tried to.
> 
> Shout out to my first ever beta reader, Sustrai, who took like 20 grammar errors out of this mess of a chapter. Thank.

Once Rhea is out the door she’s still thanking herself for being awake enough to remember draping a cloak over her dress so it wouldn’t be noticed. Only her family and the highest ranked knights can freely walk here, along with specific attendees at the appropriate times, but still Rhea cannot risk being seen in a gown with the Adrestian coat of arms on it, especially not when Adrestria has fallen as the Church’s enemy and with their fallen Emperor still in the Church’s custody.

It would raise… several questions.

Luckily, no one is here. It’s past the time the attendees are permitted to bring dinner, and seemingly also past the time Seteth and Flayn decided to linger around.

So while Rhea gets the relief of being alone, she still tries to be efficient as she fills two plates with dinner, which is being kept warm in pans which are kept warm with a magical spell underneath.

Rice with vegetables and meat, plain on its own but with a sauce made from Almyran spices it becomes an impressive meal.

As she finishes filling the plates Rhea makes a mental note to make sure to get Edelgard her favorite meal tomorrow because… because…

She doesn’t have it in her to finish the rest of the thought. Still, she’ll ensure that it will happen.

With her mind unable to drift into the future, or stay in the present and linger on food, or this room, or her _bedroom_ Rhea once again feels as if she’s suffocating again, as if she’s slowly walking into a future she won’t be able to handle, yet trapped to do anything but just that.

There is so much more she wants share with Edelgard, more than food, more than secrets, more than can be shared in two days.

She just wants to share a future with the younger woman.

Instead with less than a day and a half left all Rhea can share is bits and pieces of their past.

Their pasts are starting to feel more intertwined and similar the more they talk, despite Edelgard having been alive so briefly compared to Rhea. But many things that happened in Rhea’s past, things which Rhea _did_ have influenced Edelgard’s life. Without Rhea, Edelgard wouldn’t even have been alive, for Wilhelm wouldn’t have lived long enough to have children.

Though the part of Rhea which Edelgard was influenced by that Rhea finds the most miraculous is accidentally having kindled a passion for religion in the heretic girl.

_“Not… not yours, not whatever mess you turned it into for your own shady purposes. But the old ways, the things that came before… everything.”_

Edelgard’s words, which now feel like she said them a lifetime ago, echo through Rhea’s mind.

She feels an odd kind of contentment that Edelgard took to her old scribbles in her feverish attempt to turn the war and the Crests –her own traumas- into something more positive, something Fodlan could build and grow on.

But it wasn’t perfect. It didn’t become what it meant to be and it was too susceptible to change that even Rhea at times struggled to understand what the people of Fodlan had done with her words, and what they had started doing because of them.

Still, Edelgard loved her early attempts, even found solace in them before and during her years of tiring warfare and that thought is comforting to Rhea somehow. Maybe there was something good, something with potential in there after all.

Perhaps Edelgard would find amusement in reading some more of Rhea’s early scriptures, to truly see the clumsy and almost feverish need Rhea had felt to convert her garbled thoughts and feelings into something structural for the people of Fodlan to find meaning and stability in.

A big part of Rhea suddenly really wishes Edelgard would want to. She wants to hear what the girl thinks about it.

…As a memory to bring into the future.

The tome. Rhea distracts herself with remembering where the tome containing her early drafts currently resides.

…And realizes it’s still in the now abandoned prison, protected by a skeleton guard who are all firmly under the assumption the guards of the previous shift have already checked up on Edelgard and brought her meals and clothes, so all they are required to do is hold their position for a few hours.

Sighing to herself Rhea places the tray with their food on the counter and activates the magic she needs for a little detour.

Seteth will detect it, Flayn might too if she happens to be paying attention. Rhea doesn’t care enough to give it another thought.

Her magic envelopes her and a moment later she’s in the prison, so devoid of sounds and _life_ that it feels heavy to even be here. As Rhea turns to look for the tome her eyes momentarily land on a wall.

No… not _a_ wall. _That_ wall. The wall where she… where they…

Where Edelgard kneeled for her and told Rhea she was in love with her.

It’s suddenly not just heavy in here anymore, it’s downright suffocating.

Skittishly her eyes dance through the room until they land on the tome, forgotten and half covered under that thin blanket that _also_ comes with so many memories Rhea struggles to even approach the bed.

Never mind all the memories that come with the bed itself.

Just when she had summoned the courage to move and drew close enough to the bed that she was already reaching out to hastily grab the tome and _get out,_ Rhea is alerted to someone else using a warping spell somewhere in Garreg Mach.

Panic momentarily holds her in its grip until she recognizes the source of magic to be from _Seteth,_ and he’s also doesn’t appear to be joining Rhea down in the dungeons but –with what Rhea can sense with her limited accuracy- he seems to have warped to their family chambers, where Rhea left the food.

Cursing under her breath she hastily tugs the book from under the blanket and clutches it tightly as she warps herself back to their shared chambers as well.

“Sister of mine,” is the oversaturated and cheerful thing Rhea is greeted with when the light of her magic evaporates around her.

“Seteth,” she greets him curtly.

“I thought it might be you,” he tells her with a pointed look. “Must I keep reminding you that using a Warp spell is forbidden in Garreg Mach?”

“You just warped here too,” Rhea points out with narrowed eyes. “I felt it.”

“Mhm, but I _saw_ you appear right in front of me, and that’s just you getting caught in the act of breaking the rules,” he says with a smugly triumphant look.

Rhea sighs, too tired to entertain her brother and indulge him in arguing with him. “I’m aware, it was me who made that rule. The magic for it as well, _specifically_ the part where _we_ can warp if the circumstances deem it necessary.”

Seteth glances at her curiously. “Please, do share. What circumstances deemed it necessary that you warp to a _hopefully_ still empty dungeon? _”_ he asks her with a sense of worry in his tone.

Oh, he’s afraid she had some kind of fallout with Edelgard and send her back to her old cell, Rhea realizes.

“My book,” she tells him matter-of-factly and raises the brown tome in front of her as proof. “I forgot it there.”

With raised eyebrows Seteth’s gaze lands on her book. “Do I want to know why-” he begins but promptly gets cut off by Rhea.

“No, you don’t, and you won’t.” Her voice loses its edge a little and she gives him a smile. “Everything is fine Seteth, well… as fine as things can be under the current circumstances,” she tells him, her smile now threatening to look too sad to be believable. “She’s waiting for me in my chambers, I was bringing us dinner and remembered I wanted to show her the book I had forgotten in the dungeons.”

Seteth relaxes visibly and nods. “That’s alright then,” he mutters, seemingly unsure of what to tell his sister. “I felt your magic go there and I got… worried.”

“I’m sorry. I’m alright Seteth, and my apologies for leaving you so much in the dark. I just… want to spend the remaining time I have left with her.” She looks him over and wonders if he can feel the emotions coiling and twisting underneath her skin.

“Seteth,” she murmurs softly, “be there for me, once all of this is over, please.” She falls silent before forcing herself to summon the courage to reach out to her brother. “I will need you,” she adds in a whisper.

He nods stiffly, looking somewhere in between relieved Rhea is acknowledging she needs him and daunted by the prospect of having to do so. “Then go to her, if I don’t see you tomorrow evening then be assured I have prepared everything so you can focus on simply getting through this,” he says, formal and distant but with a care for Rhea he cannot put into words right now.

Rhea gives him a watery smile, grateful by his words but too choked up to truly let him know. “Thank you,” she tells him softly and with a slight bow she turns around to grab the tray, placing the tome on it before picking the tray up from the counter.

For a moment she doesn’t understand the surprised noise, followed by a terribly amused chuckle coming from behind her.

“I see you tried something new,” comes the subtly mischievous voice of Seteth. “Going for a schoolgirl look?”

Oh… Oh _Goddess_ the ribbon.

With the tray in her hand Rhea hurriedly turns back around and is met with the terribly amused face of Seteth. She opens her mouth to speak but is already far too flustered that her mind is a mess and not letting her come up with any words.

“I’m assuming that was her handy work, then?” Seteth says, kindly saving Rhea from falling completely from grace.

“Yes,” she says in relief. “She wanted to do my hair”

“Then, when you go to her give her my compliments. It looks good on you,” Seteth says, yet the grin on his face tells Rhea he’s liking it far more than he should and not for reasons Rhea appreciates. “Oh and tell her how thankful I am because I will remember this for the rest of my life.”

Rhea makes various noises of embarrassment and anger before Seteth silences her. “There is no point Rhea, just go to her.”

She complies and with her exasperated sounds kept to a minimum she walks towards the door.

“Wait.”

Looking over her shoulder Rhea shoots her brother a confused look. “Huh?”

He closes the distance between them in a few short steps. “Your cloak has a hood, sister,” he grins and pulls the hood until it is covering most of her head.

…Along with her ears, which she had also forgotten were visible.

“You’re a mess, you’d be nowhere without me,” Seteth belittles her from behind.

“I’m going,” she announces sharply and promptly exits the room, using her foot to slam the door back into the frame just slightly harder than necessary, and also fully into her brother’s –still grinning- face.

She’ll get him back for that… one day.

With her thoughts scrambled she makes it back to her chambers without having paid any attention to her surroundings at all. She can’t even remember if she passed anyone during her journey of under a minute.

When Edelgard looks at her questioningly, her eyes landing on the now raised hood, Rhea really wishes she could just not relay Seteth’s message to her. “I wanted to get my tome that we left in the dungeons,” she says before tentatively adding, “and my brother sends you his compliments, he likes what you did with my hair.”

The beaming smile on Edelgard’s face makes all the embarrassment in the world worth it.

Edelgard mercifully agrees on eating dinner at the small table by the window in Rhea’s bedroom, the chairs still robbed of their pillows. They eat in relative peace, at first that is. Edelgard’s eyes fall on the tome Rhea had placed on the table and moments later she has re-arranged her plate so that she can eat with one hand and flip through the pages with the other.

Rhea’s fist worry were _the stains,_ but with some effort she swallowed her fear and reminded herself she could easily clean any possible stains with magic later.

Rhea’s much more rightful worry was _the contents._

And indeed, a few minutes in Edelgard is no longer able to keep her mirth and amusement confined to a grin and breaks into chuckles every other moment.

“At least speak your mind, girl,” Rhea bristles, nervous and most definitely flustered because of the inevitable embarrassment waiting.

“Just… are you sure you weren’t a teenager when you wrote this?” Edelgard wonders with a quiet laugh. “Some of it is a tad… dramatic. Good and all, just very intense.”

“It was an emotional time,” Rhea defends herself with in a huff. “And I wasn’t very used to such kind of emotions, so perhaps you could relate my inexperience to immaturity. If you must.”

“Ah,” Edelgard hums. “The passion of an immature dragon, truly terrifying.”

Rhea makes a noise of disdain and hopes that it’ll suffice to shut the former emperor up, though she should have known that hope was in vain.

Instead Edelgard finds a way to make Rhea feel even more mortified as she begins to dramatically _recite_ some of her favorite passages.

_“Worthless are my prayers. Yet, oh Goddess, in grace comply, rescue me from the undying fires.”_

When Edelgard has finished she stares at the words for a moment longer as amusement settles in her features. “Very intense,” she grins.

“Heavens, I can almost taste the youthful vigor,” the girl laughs as she mercilessly keeps teasing Rhea.

Rhea makes a noise and realizes she put her hand in front of her face to hide her blush, something which is definitely not appropriate nor necessary for the Archbishop to do so she forces her hand down to the table again, trying to keep her pride. “Please,” she breathes out and struggles not to store at the floor.

_“When the wicked are confounded, doomed to the flames of hell unbound, call me with your Saints surrounded.”_

Edelgard looks up from the book. “I’m sure you were really proud of that one,” she says in a teasing voice and chuckles.

“You can hand it back if you think it’s so bad,” Rhea can’t help but snap, giving Edelgard a sour look.

“No, no I don’t think it’s bad,” Edelgard explains hurriedly, gesturing animatedly with her fork. “It’s cute,” she decides instead. “It reads like you. The more raw version of you I’ve gotten to know as of recent,” she smiles.

Rhea feels her cheeks darken and is very close to demand Edelgard takes her words back but somehow manages to swallow her pride and begrudgingly accept what the younger woman seems to consider a compliment.

“I suppose it’s a good thing I revised it so much then,” she mutters. “I wouldn’t have wanted people to see my ‘raw’ side.”

Edelgard laughs again. “Yes, it definitely needed revision,” she grins. “You would have ended up with a really different religion if you hadn’t.”

“Edelgard _please,”_ Rhea begs.

“Ah I suppose it’s no fair if only I have fuel to tease you with,” Edelgard chuckles with a secretive smile.

She seems to hesitate but when Rhea looks at her curiously her unease quickly wanes. “In my bedroom in Enbarr,” she begins tentatively. “I’m sure they would have found it soon enough but perhaps if only you would get your hands on it some of my image can remain intact.”

She shoves her nearly empty plate aside and folds her arms delicately on top of the table. “Next to my bed under a loose plank underneath the dresses there is a book even bigger than this one.”

Now Edelgard flusters slightly and glances away in embarrassment. “I could call it all kinds of impressive things but when it comes down to it the thing is really just a glorified diary,” she laughs to herself. “Not even glorified, really.”

“You kept a diary?” Rhea wonders curiously. The very thought seems both absurd and exactly like Edelgard.

“Mhm, for years. Didn’t write in it all that often so I’ve had the same book since uhm… a few years before I attended Garreg Mach,” Edelgard explains.

She gives Rhea an intent glare, looking almost insulted in a way. “I’m telling you this so you can make fun of me,” she huffs. “Some of it, especially from my teenage years, is _really_ bad. Not even I could read it back without wanting to throw myself out my bedroom window.”

“I see this is yet another of your ploys to try and kill me,” Rhea teases her, evoking a laugh from the other woman.

“I’m confident it will be the one that does you in.”

Something seems to dawn on Edelgard as she suddenly turns to look serious. “Ah, but aside from killing you I hope it won’t offend you,” she says with a guilty smile. “I mention you quite frequently and not in the best of ways. I do hope you know that what I wrote there doesn’t reflect my current views on you.”

The thought makes Rhea’s heart hurt. She doesn’t think she can easily read Edelgard’s frustrations and hate towards her without being crippled by guilt Rhea never saw her suffering in time and never managed to reach out to her as a result.

On the other hand Rhea feels fiercely determined to be the sole person to get their hands on that book as it might let her feel closed to Edelgard and bring a part of her with Rhea into the future. There is so much she wants to ask the girl but the words keep dying on her lips. It’s too painful, too exhausting, the subjects too fragile to go through at such a rapid speed. She _tries,_ but hopefully out of all the thousands of things she will surely regret not asking two days from now some of those might be answered in Edelgard’s diary.

Perhaps because she senses Rhea’s sudden shift in mood Edelgard focuses on Rhea’s book again, carefully flipping through the pages while making a comment or asking a question now and then and once more Rhea can stop her thoughts from wandering too far into the future.

Somewhere in the middle of an instantly forgotten sentence Edelgard stills as she realizes something. “So… if all these things are true? In what form or shape is the Goddess still watching over us?” she asks all of a sudden, beginning to draw a conclusion only now, one which Rhea thought the girl had figured out much earlier.

“My Mother truly died El,” she says softly. “Along with most of my siblings.”

Edelgard looks at her quizzically. “What happens to a goddess if she dies?” she asks tentatively, afraid she might hurt Rhea with her questions.

Rhea, who had been sitting cross-legged next to her, bows her head slightly. “I don’t know…”

“Oh…” comes the numb sounding response. “That’s…. that must run deep in you, to not even know. I’m sorry,” Edelgard mutters as her cheeks fluster slightly. “I hope I wasn’t insensitive.”

Rhea shakes her head lightly. “You weren’t,” she reassures Edelgard. Her eyes come to rest on the wall behind Edelgard, a spot just above the sitting girl. “There are… traces left of her in this world. Her Crest stone still radiates magic and so does her throne in the holy Tomb...” She’s struggling to go on, the more words she says the bleaker she begins to feel. “Sometimes there are signs…,”she sighs as a familiar cold shiver runs through her spine, the age-old fear that her Mother might be forever gone and that Rhea is here keeping the world intact and ready for her Mother’s return until the end of times for nothing creeps up on her. The worry and guilt that she should have released Fodlan from the shackles she put it into crash into her almost immediately and for a moment she’s close to panic.

But when Edelgard wraps both of her hands around Rhea’s the fear immediately begins to crumble inside her. “You’re here, and you’re working so hard,” is all Edelgard says with a smile and instead of slowly crumbling, Rhea’s deeply rooted fear is quenched at once.

“Thank you,” Rhea whispers back gratefully, her voice close to breaking.

Edelgard squeezes her hands around Rhea’s tightly in reassurance and smiles reassuringly at her

“I have to wonder though,” she says after a while and in such a knowing tone the pain Rhea felt earlier is immediately forgotten in trepidation of something much more unpleasant. “Just _who_ do all of us pray to, Seiros?” Edelgard asks pointedly, her eyes slightly narrowed as if she already knows the answer.

Immediately Rhea struggles to hide the burst of really inappropriate mischief she feels coursing through her. Oh, the Emperor is not going to like this.

But Rhea will most definitely so.

“Well, as you might recall” she begins airily, her tone evasive but laced with amusement, making Edelgard look slightly taken aback and waiting impatiently with raised eyebrows.

“The faith is named the Church of _Seiros,_ rather than that of Sothis, now isn’t it?” Rhea finishes with a guiltless grin Edelgard will surely take offense to.

The white haired woman stares unblinkingly at her with her mouth slightly agape for a comically long amount of time, causing Rhea to struggle to keep her composure even more.

“ _You,”_ Edelgard finally growls with all the fury the both of them love so much. “You named the entire damn Church after _yourself!_ You shameless, self-indulgent, conceited, _megalomaniac,”_ she howls. “ _Saint Seiros is always watching over us.’_ You always said that,” Edelgard sneers, yet there is a fire in her eyes which screams that, next to feeling indignation, she’s thoroughly enjoying discovering of Rhea’s treachery. “You meant that literally now, did you?” she accuses Rhea of with clear judgment in her voice.

Unable to help herself, Rhea breaks into soft laughter herself. “You caught me,” she admits, and it feels so freeing to have her secret spilled to the woman she loves, and Edelgard runs with it so beautifully in her vicious fury. “It is as you said, _hidden in plain sight,”_ Rhea adds almost gleefully.

Seeing the girl look so riled up is too much for Rhea. In one quick motion she’s close enough to Edelgard that she can wrap her arms around her tightly, which Edelgard lets happen after a short bout of obligatory struggling as she resists.

“You’re the worst. Despicable truly,” Edelgard grumbles as she relents and lets Rhea pull her against herself.

Once Edelgard is nestled against Rhea, almost sitting in her lap, Edelgard snuggles closer before she stills.

A moment of silence passes and just when Rhea considers asking Edelgard what’s on her mind, after this odd shift in mood Edelgard sighs deeply.

“So the Goddess truly wasn’t there when my siblings and I were captured,” she says softly, her voice fragile but forcibly calm. “We prayed you know. All of us prayed so much.” A hollow chuckle bubbles up from her throat. “Down there... I remember believing that we weren’t worth to be saved, or that we deserved this, or maybe even that all of that was meant to happen for some larger plan the Goddess had for Fodlan. In my childlike innocence that gave me strength, that at least all that horror I was going through would help the Goddess somehow.”

Edelgard places her hands over those of Rhea resting on her own stomach and squeezes them. “Now I find myself wishing it had been something like that. Divine punishment, part of a larger plan… because now all the suffering my siblings went through was just happenstance, collateral damage.” She looks up to gaze into Rhea’s eyes, where Rhea sees tears silently rolling from Edelgard’s cheek. “It wasn’t even so that no one cared, no one was even there to care,” she mumbles hollowly.

Rhea notices how her shoulders are twitching and how tense she is. When a strained noise is smothered by Edelgard herself, Rhea pulls her tighter.

“It’s all right,” she hums softly. “Don’t hold back, grieve for the pain that has been done so unjustly to your siblings and you. If you feel the need to, be angry with me, my ignorance of your suffering was truly a sin.”

When Edelgard hears that she instantly bursts into crying. “No, not you. Not anymore and certainly n-not now,” she chokes out in a flare of fear.

Rhea slowly shifts their positions until the both of them are lying down, with the softly crying Edelgard burying her head in Rhea’s chest.

“Shhh, it’s alright,” she reassures Edelgard again. “Take all the time you need.” With her free arm she weaves her fingers through white hair, trailing her fingers from the nape of Edelgard’s neck all the way to the top of her head and back, deftly avoiding Edelgard’s braided hair as she repeats the motions.

Edelgard hums contently when she feels Rhea’s hand going through her hair and snuggles closer.

Soon enough her crying becomes softer and with less pain in it. Still, Rhea keeps going, pouring all her affection into touching her over and over again tenderly until at long last the sadness in Edelgard’s noises have diminished to the occasional sniff or a barely audible noise. Instead she’s breathing slowly, now content and at ease again.

Another sigh comes from Edelgard, as relaxed as it sounds, there is also intent in it, alongside in Edelgard’s lilac irises, who leans her head backwards to gaze into Rhea’s eyes.

“Last night when you said you’d be willing to give my body a scar,” Edelgard begins tentatively, carefully choosing her words. “Are you still certain about that?” she asks with a hint of fear for the answer present in her voice.

Rhea nods and after scraping her thoughts together she speaks up. “I want it too, perhaps just as much as you want it. I want there to be tangible proof that we… touched.”

Slightly flustered Edelgard smiles. “Me too. The happiness you brought me, the pleasure and intimacy we shared and all the things you helped me discover and explore… I want proof of all that happened between us carved into my skin.”

Rhea swallows hard as Edelgard’s words make her mind cloud over with so many feelings and thoughts it’s hard to think clearly. Her body too buzzes lightly with a need she cannot put into words. “Do you have anything specific in mind?” Rhea manages to get out hoarsely.

The former Emperor is silent for a short moment, a calculated look in her eyes. “I thought of something fitting yes, but I’m not sure you will see it like I do.”

Rhea raises her eyebrows in curiosity. “I think I’m flexible enough to understand your reasons, and if not I’m willing to compromise.”

Edelgard seems a little more at ease when she hears Rhea say that. “Okay…,” she begins and then falters a moment before she finds the courage to reveal her idea. “I want it to be your Crest,” she says, her voice soft but resolute. “And the Crest of Flames as well, combined into one,” she adds sounding even quieter as she shoots Rhea a nervous look.

Edelgard was right in saying that Rhea might not see it like Edelgard does, but instead of feeling contempt or any sort of aversion Rhea only finds herself feeling curious just what Edelgard’s thoughts behind her idea is. “But you already have both of those Crests on your skin,” she says.

“I know, and while I’d prefer to just have your full name written into my skin along with one of your scriptures, the people who will see my body after… afterwards will see that too,” Edelgard says, her voice devoid of emotion and with barely a stutter.

Rhea feels herself grow cold at the thought… of coroners… of…

She shakes her head and feels relived when Edelgard skips over the topic as well.

The former Emperor exhales shakily and some tension dissipates from her features. “So it has to be vague and symbolic,” she reasons. “And while I was born with your Crest I came to detest it once I realized it was the Crest of the Saint the Church was named after, back when I was being primed to start the rebellion. In those days it felt as I had been marked… tainted.” Her expression turns apologetic, sorrowful even. “I hope you understand that I do not feel that way anymore, now just thinking about how my Crest and my magic comes from you comforts me so,” she whispers softly.

Rhea understands, the only thing that hurts is that she wasn’t there in the past saying the right things at the right time to rid Edelgard of the feeling of being tainted. Her hand reaches for the other woman’s and she entangles their fingers together. “I understand. So you want a new Crest from me?”

Edelgard hums softly in confirmation, still looking unsure and vulnerable.

“What about the Crest of Flames?” Rhea inquires. After the girl just learned that the Goddess wasn’t there to listen to Edelgard’s prayers during her incarceration underneath Enbarr, so young and helpless that the Goddess had been her last remaining hope, Rhea fails to see why she’d suddenly take to the sigil like this.

“Several reasons,” Edelgard explains, her voice grim but with more confidence. “First as an apology, for blaming someone, the Mother of you even, to the point of harboring hate while all this time she had been a victim of the same people who had gotten to me.” Rhea clenches her jaw as her emotions threaten to spill over and she has to control her breathing to avoid tears welling up in her eyes.

She feels her hand squeezed and when Rhea sees the warm, reassuring smile on Edelgard’s lips tears do well up in her eyes, yet she smiles in return and gestures for Edelgard to continue.

“While the Crest of Flames they forced onto me might be functional it wasn’t given to me by the Goddess, nor through my ancestors. It’s not _genuine,_ it feels as if I carry a Crest I don’t deserve,” Edelgard says with both her voice faltering while sounding harsh. “And, be it because of the experiments or the Crest itself, my health was taken from me, along with the color of my hair. I was told not to expect to live past thirty and last year my uncle said he was surprised I wasn’t even showing any signs of my body beginning to succumb to the power of the Crest.” There is a flare of anger in both her voice and her eyes but she pushes it down quickly.

Her free hand moves to touch Rhea’s hair just behind her ear, playing gently with it as her fingers brush against her pointed ear in such a light but pleasant way that Rhea shivers and makes a noise of contentment.

“So I want a new one. A Crest of Flames without powers and without weakening my body given to me by the only being in my life I have ever considered a Goddess,” Edelgard tells her, her voice heavy with emotion and that unique kind of devotion Edelgard has mastered.

Distracted by the pleasurable sensation of Edelgard’s fingers in her hair Rhea blinks once, twice before she realizes what Edelgard meant.

Or rather, _who._

“I’m not a goddess, El,” she gently reminds her once more. “Far from it, truly.” The thought alone makes her feel ridden with guilt. She isn’t worthy such a title, she made too many mistakes in her selfishness.

“Yet you are the one worthy enough I would devote myself to and worship, and you are the one who gave life, in the sense that with you I feel more alive than ever before. You even shaped me in a symbolic way. You might not be the Goddess of Fodlan, but you are my Goddess and the only one worthy enough for me to give myself to.”

This time it’s Rhea who squeezes Edelgard’s hand. “El,” she manages to get out before chocking up. “I… I am not worthy,” she says, her voice croaking. “I don’t deserve, it would feel utterly vile to even want your devotion.”

Guilt laps at her mind, afraid that Edelgard has somehow deluded herself into believing that the one person to so her kindness in her final days is her savoir, while to Rhea it feels more like the opposite. She failed to show Edelgard kindness in all the years where she desperately needed and deserved it, she failed to reach out, to truly see her and only now, not as her savior but as her executioner, does she show kindness, far too late for any of it to matter in the grand scheme of things. If anything she’s being disgustingly selfish.

“Seiros don’t be hard on yourself,” comes the gentle but firm voice of Edelgard, causing Rhea to jolt out of her stupor and quickly realize she was probably looking on the verge of panicking.

“I’m not asking you to be the perfect Goddess of Fodlan,” Edelgard smiles. “All you are to me is my imperfect Goddess whom I so adore. You have brought me the peace of mind that I could never understand people seemed to get from praying to your Mother,” she explains, continuing to play with Rhea’s hair, helping her calm down enough that she can speak.

“No goddess has the right to call herself that if she is about to end the life of the one person who adores her as such,” she says, the suppressed grief and agony tangible in her voice.

Surprisingly lightheartedly Edelgard rolls onto her back. “Oh that,” she says wistfully and with a sigh, almost as if she hardly cares.” She peeks over to Rhea with a glassy look and underneath it Rhea’s sees the depths full of agony, fear, despair and the sheer will to survive. But Edelgard remains calm when she speaks. “I don’t like to think about it,” she says quietly and with an edge to her voice, “talking about it is even worse,” she hums as she turns her head to stare at the ceiling. “But it seems I owe you to talk about it now,” she says almost nonchalantly.

Inside Rhea’s mind there are screams urging her to tell Edelgard she doesn’t owe her anything, especially not _that_. But Edelgard seems unconcerned and before Rhea can find her words the former Emperor calmly speaks up.

“I’d be lying if I say I genuinely want to die,” Edelgard begins with barely an edge in her tone. “When I was first brought into the dungeons here I was. I truly felt as if I had lost everything, including most of myself and only my death would do Fodlan any good.” She glances over to Rhea and in her eyes she sees emotions simmer. “Because of you, perhaps unfortunately so, that changed,” she tells Rhea with a small giggle, the topic to grim for it to be simple amusement but it doesn’t sound all that hollow either.

With her eyes observing the ceiling again Edelgard continues. “You helped me find _me,_ all the things I had hidden, buried deep underneath all that I needed to be for Ardrestia and the future I had intended for it.” A short almost mischievous laugh bubbles from her lips and Rhea is frozen to do anything but stare and listen. “You even helped create wholly new parts to me, seeds that never had the chance to sprout.”

In one quick motion Edelgard leans over to press a soft kiss against Rhea’s own before giggling and returning to her original position. “I could never have imagined how good it feels to kiss you,” she says with a blush on darkening her cheeks. “Or everything that comes after that,” she adds more quietly yet a smile lingers on her lips. “And you showed me so much more as well,” she adds with a serene but mirthful expression.

Her begin to eyes glaze over as her expression grows more tense. “So yes, I would love to live and explore all these newfound parts of me.” Her eyes find Rhea’s once more and Rhea feels her throat go dry at the deeply pained longing she finds in those eyes. “Most of all I would want to live and grow with you so closely with me, our lives intertwined as I’m confident that at your side I could truly find all of myself, and perhaps help you find some parts of you,” she murmurs lowly.

Abruptly she blinks and averts her gaze again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do any of this without you Seiros,” she whispers, her voice suddenly so fragile it sounds close to breaking. “For you and I both know that my death is inevitable.”

At once Rhea feels the need to argue that claim she could… hide Edelgard, whisk her off to somewhere safe, perhaps even somewhere here in Garreg Mach, she could give Edelgard her own lavish chambers and protect it with magic… anything like that, she could deal with the fallout after.

“ _Don’t,”_ comes the unexpectedly sharp voice from Edelgard, who is facing her once again with a scrutinizing expression. “Your eyes,” she points out, “they’re wide and darting everywhere. Your feelings for me are telling you to save me. _Don’t_ do that.” There a flash of anger in her eyes which she quickly snuffs out before continuing, “I fully believe that my dead is inevitable and needed as well, and not only that, there is no future here for me, I ensured that myself.” She turns to look haunted all of a sudden. “And my past… it also stays with me in ways I cannot cope with.”

She exhales shakily and the haunted look fades from Edelgard as a softer expression appears on her face instead. “I didn’t say all of this to make you doubt yourself or bring you grief. I said it just _exactly_ because of how much you helped me grow… that I’m so relieved it’s you who will take my life.” Her shoulders tense and she needs a moment to ensure she remains composed enough to be able to speak.

“I know this might be selfish of me as I understand the burden I’m putting on you but to me… the pain of not being able to give myself to you in life is alleviated by getting to give you my life through death.” Numbly Rhea notices the small tremor running through Edelgard, that instinctive fear and desperate need to avoid death present in anyone. “I’m happy it’s you,” Edelgard says as silent tears well up in her eyes. “Because only you got through to me and understands me, so I can only die by your hands without regret.” A strangled cry echoes through the room but Edelgard forcefully pulls herself together. “Only you are worthy of taking my life, only you can make my death worthy and meaningful for me.”

Rhea watches her struggle fervently to keep herself from utterly cracking and without another thought Rhea closes the small space between them wrapping her arm tightly around Edelgard’s waist as she presses her body against the length of the other woman’s smaller one. The shared warmth she feels bleeding into her skin already helps Rhea’s grieving and anxious mind soothe somewhat and she desperately hopes it has a similar effect on Edelgard.

Her head comes to rest on top of the Emperor’s head, relief washing over Rhea when she feels Edelgard immediately turn her head to the side and bury her face into Rhea’s chest, with the top of her head still tucked underneath Rhea’s chin. The hand of the Archbishop’s arm on the side of her body currently pressed against the bed- limiting its mobility- finds its way to the side of Edelgard’s neck, her hand only just fitting in the hollow space between the bed and her neck, where she strokes her fingers in slow circles over the soft skin.

Her touches make Edelgard shiver and she presses herself even more against Rhea, grabbing the chest of her dress tightly as muffled sounds of grief spill from her.

As Rhea’s hand rubs Edelgard’s up and down her abdomen, slow but firm and in a steady rhythm it occurs to her she feels unusually calm for this occasion. Having heard Edelgard explain her views, pour her heart out and tell Rhea that that she has found a complex sort of peace with the prospect of her death, along with her need and desire for Rhea to be the one who snuffs out her life was agonizing to her for the emotionally exhausted Saint.

But as she holds Edelgard tightly, humming soothingly and easing some of the girls hurt by letting her feel Rhea’s hands touch her steadily and reassuringly, along with the rest of her body pressed against the weeping girl, Rhea barely feels any grief or the need to cry along with Edelgard.

Instead she feels… powerful? No, protective. The urge inside her to protect Edelgard, to make her feel safe is so tremendous she would fight with claws and teeth if anyone dare to interrupt them now. That is what makes her feel powerful, strong even.

As hard as it is on Rhea, Edelgard’s wish is to die by her hands, as Edelgard has ruined most paths that could have given her a future herself, with others in the shadow having been destroying both her life and her future since her childhood. A small voice in Rhea still wants to insist that there are options, but even Rhea has to admit to herself in her moment of clarity that the few options there are carry a high risk and might not be lives worth living for the both of them.

And then there is the problem of Fodlan, which would be torn from its foundations if the Archbishop suddenly vanished, betrayed Fodlan and then vanished or died trying to do so, even worse if she’s seen with an Emperor condemned to death in tow. It’s not hard to guess just who are lingering patiently in the shadow to finally rear their ugly heads and take control in order to shape Fodlan into something only the Agarthans will want to live in… if they even let the people of Fodlan live. When Rhea’s mind dwells to the dark path of potential forms of slavery she quickly focuses back on the present.

And the present is keeping Edelgard safe, happy and comfortable, as much as that is possible.

She places a kiss onto the top of Edelgard’s head, whose cries have quieted down almost entirely. “There are so many feelings I have for you, and so many thoughts I want you to know of as well,” she breathes out with a tremble in her voice. “But I cannot put them into words, these feelings I hold for you… they are so strong I can barely even think about them without feeling as if I’m breaking down.”

“Then don’t,” comes the muffled but surprisingly coherent voice from Edelgard. She leans her head back so that they eyes meet. That urge to protect surges through Rhea again as she sees the red around Edelgard’s eyes, the tender skin there puffed up slightly. “You don’t have to say them,” Edelgard continues, “because I already know,” she adds quietly, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

Hearing that, Rhea smiles at her. “It would take years to verbalize all my feelings for you but yes, perhaps it’s not unlikely you understand me well enough by now that my emotions have spoken for me already.”

“Loudly so,” Edelgard huffs with playful annoyance as she frowns. Carefully she untangles herself from Rhea’s arms and moves to sit up, leaning her back against the headboard of the bed as she draws up her knees, wraps her arms around them and leans her chin on them. “There are many things I want to tell you as well,” she says and sounds almost dreamy while doing so, yet also heavy-hearted. “Hmm, things I would love to show you too… and discuss with you, learn from you and maybe there is something I could teach you as well,” Edelgard hums with an air of melancholic wistfulness.

Rhea has no doubt that there are many things she has yet to learn, chief among them that she isn’t as all-knowing as both she and the people of Fodlan make her out to be. Either way, Edelgard already has taught her quite a few things, and surprised Rhea while doing so.

“There is one thing though,” Edelgard says with an odd sort of yearning. “One thing I wish I could tell you.” Briefly she glances at Rhea, with a blush on her face but with sadness in her eyes. “It’s how I feel about you.” she tells her softly and her voice sounds heavy with emotion. “You know… that simple line of three words, to just say it easily each time I feel like it, each time it crosses my mind, all those infinite times you do something that make me _feel_ it,” she mutters, now glancing away from Rhea with a hint of shame.

_I love you._

With a start Rhea becomes aware Edelgard hasn’t told her those words anymore after Rhea had explained she couldn’t say them back. How cruel had Rhea been? She was nearly certain Edelgard only hadn’t been saying to make things easier for Rhea.

“Don’t,” Edelgard says sharply the moment Rhea opens her mouth. After blinking in confusion, and indeed realizing she had been about to speak she demurely closes her mouth again, giving Edelgard a bemused look.

“There is no need to discuss this for I won’t say it,” Edelgard explains with an edge to her voice that sends a cold shiver down Rhea’s spine. “If I say it, each time you will be agonizing about saying back, feeling guilty you can’t, doubting yourself if maybe you should and hating yourself over unable to return the words. I want none of that. The future goes further than my death Seiros, so don’t let that future get affected by me.” Her look softens and now she looks almost guilty after her scalding words. “I _know_ and that’s enough,” she sighs. “Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up, it just… got stuck in my mind during what we said.” She shakes her head left and right in frustration. “This is far more emotional than what I’m used to,” she says and looks displeased with herself.

After Rhea watches her sit unmoving and tense for a moment Edelgard suddenly bristles, almost groans and rises to her knees as she makes her way to the edge of the bed, having shaken off the tension she was under. “Come,” she says resolutely. “I want to draw the two Crests as one.”

And with that Edelgard has closed the topic for the both of them, much to both Rhea’s relief and shame. Relief for returning to a topic that’s more tangible and less about words purposely left unsaid, shame for having relied on Edelgard once more to be the strong one, for putting her in such a painful position because Rhea isn’t strong enough.

Edelgard somehow manages to keep Rhea from loathing herself the way she feels she deserves by focusing all her attention on her idea, demanding paper and a pencil from Rhea with that confident air of authority which makes her give off the impression that the mere notion of Rhea not immediately fetching the requested items seems preposterous to her.

So Rhea does indeed bring her paper and pencils and for the good part of an hour she hovers around a sketching Edelgard, who has since crumpled up at least six ‘failed’ attempts and had not so subtly declared that Rhea’s input should be kept to helpful suggestions and that she most _certainly_ wasn’t to entertain the idea of getting to hold a pencil herself.

Rhea’s only accepted suggestion was her aggressively insisting that Edelgard simplified her designs because Rhea is not as well versed as she is in getting intricate patterns right, least of all when it has to be done onto someone’s _skin._

Thankfully Edelgard managed to notice the apprehension and nervousness Rhea was nearly succumbing under and ends up stylizing her design much more. With only the outer edges of the Crest of Flames circling around the core lines of Rhea’s own Crest. The lines are simpler, with straight ones for the Crest of Flames framing the lightly curved ones of the Crest of Seiros, which has been toned down into the larger open oval surrounding the smaller upside down one along with the line underneath the both of them.

“I suppose I could do that,” Rhea says with only a little doubt in her voice, which is a lot less than the amount she’s actually feeling. Most of her experience in piercing humans with sharp metallic objects revolved around getting said metallic object inside the human as quick and deep and damaging them as much as possible pulling it back out, and not… lightly scraping their skin with delicate precision and only leaving a little, very calculated amount of damage.

She doesn’t even know how much pressure she should apply. Her protective instincts are definitely insisting an amount that’s not enough and would only leave light red marks that might be gone by tomorrow morning. She doesn’t trust her war instincts enough to rely on those. Eventually she remembers her healing magic, some of which has the specific purpose of rapidly healing fatal wounds for dire situations where the time to let a body heal naturally isn’t an option. This magic forces the body to heal much faster than it would normally be capable of and therefore often doesn’t heal the same way as it would with time, and in the case of minor cuts it would cause a body to produce scar tissue instantaneously.

Yes, that works. It eases her guilt over hurting Edelgard in such a slow way too, no matter the meaning behind it. Although it wasn’t as if she would do it without using a significant amount of magic to temporary keep Edelgard from feeling pain around the area.

Speaking of…

“Where on your body do you want it anyway?” she asks after Edelgard has pushed the paper with the final design into her hands.

“My upper back,” the girl responds without hesitation, clearly having already thought it through. “I don’t have any scars there.”

“Aright,” Rhea says, feeling herself grow emotional. “How big do you want it?”

Edelgard holds both hands up against each other with the palms facing Rhea and her fingers pressed together. “About this big,” she tells Rhea casually, looking as if she thinks this is very helpful for Rhea.

Rhea sighs. “Do you have a more accurate form of measurement I could use?” she tries asking. “Preferably one that I can use while I’m doing it. My hands are bigger than yours, you know,” she points out and raises a hand in front of her for proof.

Edelgard seems fairly unbothered by Rhea and her size issues, or rather she’s completely unbothered by the size issue itself. “Try a little smaller than I drew on the paper, and if not I’ll be happy with a slightly bigger variant easily enough,” she shrugs.

Only because it’s clear Rhea is putting much more worry into this than Edelgard does she find it in herself to relent and just… see how it goes. “I will do it,” she agrees, “but I will need two spells for it.”

“What, why? I can take it.” Comes the brisk response, with Edelgard almost offended at her supposed ‘weaknesses’.

Rhea takes a few minutes to thoroughly explain to her why she won’t do it without, how the thought of Edelgard constantly gasping and wincing in pain makes her feel riddled with guilt, and that the healing spell which will give her scar tissue is needed in order to make the cuts look old, and not as if someone did it to her in the last few days when she will be examined.

Now Edelgard feels guilty for her harsh response. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through it seems.”

“Ah, it’s not like this sort of scenario comes up that often,” Rhea smiles, easing away the girl’s guilt.

She takes the few paces needed to reach her office –with Edelgard trailing behind her- and grabs a knife from her pen holder before turning around.

“That’s a letter opener,” Edelgard states, sounding judgmental towards Rhea’s choice in sharp objects.

“Indeed it is, but as it happens I’m not in the habit of keeping daggers and knifes in my office, so you’ll have to make due. Besides look,” she smiles and turns over the knife in her hand so that the hilt is visible as she holds the sharp end.

Edelgard’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh it has the Crest of Seiros on it… several times. Is that bronze?” She looks up to meet Rhea’s eyes. “Can you keep such an item here safely? What if people see it?”

Rhea chuckles. “My dear, we are under the roof of the Church of _Seiros_ , have you seen the robe I wear? A lot of things, including letter openers around here, carry my Crest, but I’ll admit I had this one personally made.”

Edelgard’s cheeks redden as she realizes just how well hidden in plain sight Rhea is. “Hmm, might have missed that robe yes,” she laughs before smiling at Rhea and abruptly striding back into her bedroom.

When Rhea follows she’s just in time to watch Edelgard unceremoniously yanks of her tunic over hear head and hops down on Rhea’s bed stomach first.

“I’m ready,” she says as she turns her head to face Rhea.

With a quiet laugh goes to the bed as well, finding herself sitting next to the waiting girl and after a few moments of close inspection she sighs. “I’m sorry, if I want to do this from the best angle I’ll have to straddle your hips.”

“Hmm,” Edelgard hums. “I can’t say I mind that very much,” she laughs quietly.

She’s rewarded with a hand in her hair playfully tussling it before Rhea swings her leg over Edelgard and settles atop of her.

“Nope, I definitely don’t mind,” Edelgard chuckles. “This is nice.”

Rhea feels herself fluster. “Stop it you’re making me feel embarrassed,” she mutters exasperatedly as she prepares the spell to make Edelgard numb to pain.

“You don’t have to be, we both like it right?”

Rhea thinks that over for a moment and realizes it’s not so much embarrassment she’s feeling but instead there are deeper emotions underneath it which are more difficult to identify.

“I suppose I do yes, but I have lingering guilt that I’m mistreating you… I know it’s what you truly want but under these circumstances the burden is… heavy.”

Edelgard is silent for a few seconds. “I have many thoughts and reasons that only serve to make it better under these circumstances… but only for me,” she says quietly.

“Could you tell me one? So I can maybe use your reasons to easy my apprehension.”

Edelgard strains her neck slightly to look back and meet Rhea’s eyes. “I want everyone who gets to see my body see those markings.” Comes the soft, almost apologetic response.

“I want everyone who sees my body after my death be confused I’d do such a thing,” she continues, calmly but with something steadfast in her tone as well. “They might think I’m mad but it will be my dearest secret instead. Something for all to see but only for us to know.”

The words are indeed hard for Rhea to bear, yet Edelgard’s reason does make her more determined to go through with it, if only to give Edelgard reassurance and soothe her own mind in the process.

“Then let’s do this together,” she says, her words heavy with emotion.

Having prepared the spell, Rhea leans forward and slowly brushes the flat of her glowing hands over Edelgard’s upper back.

The woman beneath her sighs contently as tension leaves her body, she lays her head down on its side, resting it atop her folded arms. Rhea applies the magic so that Edelgard will still feel the cuts but the sensation will feel like tingling at most. If she’d apply too much Edelgard might just fall asleep for a while and neither of them wants that.

Rhea somewhat nervously expresses her worry she won’t be able to get the symbol symmetrically on Edelgard’s back but the girl helpfully points out to the straight line on the middle her back going from top to bottom also known as the _spine._

That helps, but now Rhea is left with the problem that she can’t carve the vertical lines of the Crest of Seiros in the middle if said middle happens to be Edelgard’s spine. Edelgard refuses to roll over, especially with her shoulder and back muscles as relaxed as they are so Rhea ends up discussing alternatives while talking to the back of Edelgard’s head.

Burn marks, they eventually settle on. While Rhea’s fire magic isn’t as good as her Mother’s was –as Sothis more or less embodied fire in her early days- elemental magic has always come to her naturally and while fire is generally chaotic and destructive, something as simple as heating up your index finger until it glows in yellow and orange is easy enough. With her healing spell it won’t even blister over, instead it will only leave a broader scar with somewhat rounder edges compared to the knife.

Satisfied, Rhea leaves the paper to rest on Edelgard’s shoulder and goes to work.

She quickly concludes this would be a lot easier if Edelgard wasn’t constantly humming and sighing in delight. Her hand twitches each time the girl does so and Rhea is utterly relieved when she remembers she can heal a crooked line with the most basic of healing spells in a second.

Almost like painting, except the canvas is making very appealing noises which serve to distract the painter.

Overall it’s nice to do, somehow. All the chaos in her head is gone as Rhea meticulously carves line after line into Edelgard’s skin, quickly followed by a wave of her hand brushing lightly over skin, which instantly stops any blood from flowing up and makes the shallow gashes weave scar tissue instead.

With her head clear and devoid of thoughts and feelings of the imminent future, Rhea feels focused and stuck in the comfortable present.

Their own little bubble out of time.

Before Rhea knows it she’s over halfway done and she’s surprised how disappointed that feels to her. The straight lines are the easiest, she gets most of them right in one go. First she drew the open triangles and short, unattached lines representing the Crest of Flames, staring from Edelgard’s spine and making a round circle of them on each side of the spine. Then she did the rounder lines of her own, which were harder to get right in one attempt, especially when they had to be symmetrical.

Lastly she puts away the knife and channels just enough fire magic to her fingertip that she feels a spark of warmth burn there and draws the line of her own Crest along over Edelgard’s spine.

Edelgard makes a sound that Rhea can only describe as _crooning_ followed by a content, “It’s like I’m lying in the sunlight,” forcing Rhea to use all her willpower to not impulsively dig her finger into Edelgard’s skin. But she manages, and with her finger she draws the last upside down half circle within the Crest of Flames, with the circle itself around the vertical line along Edelgard’s spine.

With a final brush of her healing magic she’s finished. “There. All done,” she hums contently and taps Edelgard’s back affectionately.

It’s not perfect but it’s at least symmetrical and it looks clean enough that Rhea feels satisfied.

Edelgard buries her face in the pillow and makes a noise that sounds suspiciously close to disappointment before reaching around with one arm to trace her fingers over her new scars. “I can’t promise anything without having seen it, but by touch I got the feeling I’ll be pleased with the result,” she says as she rolls over and sits up.

I’ll go get you a hand mirror so you can see it in the bathroom Rhea says but as she begins to move Edelgard’s hand clasps around her wrist. “Wait,” she mutters, her gaze averted.

“Hm?” is Rhea’s curious but patient response.

“I uh… I want you to sign it,” Edelgard says with reddening cheeks and turns to look embarrassed. “Or just sign me.”

Rhea blinks. “Sign?” she repeats confused. “How?”

Edelgard clenches her jaw and seems to struggle to speak over her own awkwardness. “Just… your initials or something. And maybe not near the mark, just anywhere else… maybe my thigh?” she tries as she works up the courage to look at Rhea again. “I just want my body to remember you,” she says quietly.

“My initials… on your thigh,” Rhea says slowly as she tries to wrap her head around the idea. “Yes that’s perfectly fine,” she says without another thought, as if she could say no to Edelgard under these circumstances… or under any really.

Edelgard turns to look relieved and a small fragile smile appears on her face as Rhea reaches for her hand and pulls her close.

She places the girl gently next to her and helps her drape her legs over Rhea’s lap, pulling them slightly apart so she can reach her inner tight. “Here,” she says softly as she caresses a spot just perfectly sensitive enough it makes Edelgard squirm and gasp but not inappropriately enough Edelgard can really protest about it. “Hmm I was thinking on the outside but this works too,” she says as her eyes stare hard at Rhea’s finger.

“Good,” Rhea hums happily. “And no, not on the outside, you’re not livestock,” she admonishes Edelgard, who pouts at her in return.

“And I’ll only do the S,” Rhea tells her in a tone that discourages counterarguments.

To her relief Edelgard nods. “Then no spells, I want to remember what it feels like,” she says instead and while she looks still flustered and vulnerable there is something defiant in her eyes as well.

“Very well,” Rhea says, her voice tender, as she wraps her hand around Edelgard’s waist to keep her steady. With her other hand she traces the spot she choose earlier while she hums, causing a shiver to run through Edelgard’s spine.

It feels so incredibly good to have Edelgard be so open and trusting with her. Being held so close while naked, save her undergarments, calm and at ease while knowing Rhea is about to hurt her. That trust and willingness awakens a force in Rhea that makes her want to deeds mankind will tell for centuries to come, all for Edelgard.

She leans her head closer to Edelgard. “Are you ready, my dear,” she murmurs, her voice thick with longing because this feels so _intimate._

Edelgard meets her eyes, showing Rhea the already hazy look in the girl’s eyes. “Mhm, I am, I really want you to,” she murmurs in a voice just as full of longing as Rhea.

Rhea places a quick kiss atop her head. “If it’s too much or it reminds you of bad memories all you’ll have to say is _stop,_ can you remember that?” she asks as she kisses Edelgard’s cheek now.

“I will.” Comes the leisure response, though Rhea still hears that longing mingled within her voice.

With her knife in hand, Rhea puts the tip of the blade precisely where she wants to start and then aligns her arm so that she can carve the letter, made of nothing but curved lines, and lowers the blade so that the tip of the blade and some of the sharp edge are digging in Edelgard’s skin.

Edelgard had remained silent until Rhea slowly begins to drag the knife through her skin, leaving a shallow cut in its wake. Edelgard gasps her leg twitches and her eyes quickly search for Rhea, they’re wide and while there isn’t fear there is something inside her that’s causing turmoil within her.

“You’re safe,” Rhea hums reassuringly. “And if it hurts too much or if it’s too scary just lean your head on my shoulder,” she offers.

Edelgard’s eyes light up at once and a moment later she does exactly that. Sighing contently as she nuzzles Rhea’s neck. Her hand comes up to clutch the fabric covering Rhea’s chest and then Edelgard feels at ease once more.

She needed something to ground herself in the present, Rhea had considered, and seeing how her eyes are glazed over again while she peers down at the knife from the corner between Rhea’s neck and shoulder, Rhea thinks she can with certainty say she was right.

With her blade ready in her hand once more Rhea continues where she left off. It’s a difficult task, all things considered, no magic means no erasing with healing either. If she’d make the S the small the curves would be too sharp and it would end up looking like a reverse Z, but too big would just look silly.

But she manages, they both do. Edelgard’s inhales sharply and her hand tightens in Rhea’s clothes each time the pain makes her want to move her leg and only a minute in she’s panting as she hazily but intently stares at the knife slowly and delicately carving the letter. Rhea is giving it her all to focus on making the lines as fluid and elegant as possible, but Edelgard’s noises and movements make that a trial.

“I’m almost done,” she says with as much care and reassurance in her voice as she feels. To hurt someone who consents to it, who wants and needs it even, is strangely intimate and Rhea cannot put into words just how close this makes her feel to Edelgard. It has to be about trust, and love. It’s as if she’s truly carving some kind of invisible bond between them into Edelgard’s skin.

“There,” she says and places the knife –which has the odd smear of blood on a few spots- on the floor next to the bed.

Edelgard exhales slowly before raising her head from Rhea’s shoulder and inspects her new mark with curiosity.

It’s slightly mismatched, the upper circle of the S slightly smaller than the lower half, but it definitely doesn’t look like a reversed Z. “I like it,” Edelgard murmurs, her cheeks still flushed. “It’s elegant in its own way… it looks real and with that comes a strange sort of beauty,” she says as a small happy smile adorns her face.

Rhea had been feeling many things while carving her initial but Edelgard’s analysis of her work makes something raw surge though her.

“Hmm,” is all she can get out, too overwhelmed by feelings. Without giving it much thought she drags her finger over the scar, where several drops of blood have gathered, and once there is enough red on her finger she takes it into her mouth and sucks on it.

Edelgard makes a high pitched noise and looks at Rhea with wide focused eyes. “Rhea that’s my-”

“Our blood,” Rhea interrupts her just as her finger pops out of her mouth. “I liked doing this,” she says and feel surprised with how low her voice sounds. “I felt closer to you, and so honored that you’d let me do this.” She cups Edelgard’s cheek and looks into her eyes. “I want more, I want to complete the bond,” she says, her voice even lower. If Edelgard didn’t fully trust her she might have felt fear creeping up on her.

“I want your initial on my thigh too,” Rhea says and feels surprised at how much want there is in her on voice. “Please.”

Edelgard is quiet for a moment and looks away. “I want to… but what if someone sees it?” she mumbles dejectedly. “If it would permanently scar you would have some explaining to do, right?”

“Very little people get to see the Archbishop’s inner thigh, my dear,” Rhea tells her with a soft laugh. “And if I ever find myself in such a dire situation that I would have to show it and your letter would be cause for suspicion I can forcibly heal it long before they can even touch me.”

Her fingers trace over Edelgard’s scar again, swiping the remainder of the droplets, which are already lessening and beginning to dry. “So if you don’t mind… I really want this too,” she repeats and puts her finger into her mouth again.

She had only briefly closed her eyes to savor the unique, tangy but addictive taste before opening them but when she does she’s met with lilac eyes which have gone dark as well.

“Give me the knife then,” is all Edelgard says, holding up her hand and pulling her legs back from over Rhea so they can switch positions.

It takes a bit of fumbling but they end up with Edelgard with her knees over Rhea’s left leg so she can bend over and reach her inner thigh. It’s a bit awkward but it works.

“Would it be alright if I do an L instead the first letter?” Edelgard asks once they’re in position.

Rhea looks at her quizzically. “Yes, I suppose. Why an L?”

The girl glances away as the look in her eyes turns fragile. “I would still worry an E would be too suspicious and well… an L sounds like El, so you’d actually have my nickname on your thigh, don’t you think?” Her eyes flicker back to meet Rhea’s and by the way the look Rhea can sense just how much meaning it holds for her.

“That’s a wonderful idea,” she says with a smile. “Let’s do that.”

Edelgard returns her smile, and while it’s small and vulnerable she’s also beaming. Leaning forward she rests one hand on Rhea’s leg to steady herself and with the other she picks a spot. “Is from here alright? She asks with the tip of the blade slightly denting a part of Rhea’s skin.

“Yes, I want it to be your choice,” Rhea says as affection once more bubbles up in her tone.

When Edelgard carves in the knife a little deeper Rhea is greeted with the more violent parts of her brain rather instantaneously. Where Edelgard had been more docile, with her brain accepting that whatever pain her body was feeling was needed and thus all she felt was a need for support and comfort, _Rhea’s_ brain is screaming very loudly that the perpetrator currently damaging her body must be put down at once.

Well, once a War Saint always a War Saint, Rhea supposes.

She doesn’t cave in to what her instincts tell her, and for the first time she thinks she understands what Edelgard means whenever she talks about that. It feels powerful, to be able to remain unaffected by the anger and panic your body feels and instead be able to remain calm and patient. Her arm comes to rest on Edelgard’s back, who looks to her –halfway through the first long line- as she notices that Rhea’s hand is trembling at the same time Rhea does. “I’m sensitive,” she explains, her voice thick with several clashing emotions. “But please keep going, I just wanted to feel you.”

Flustered, Edelgard nods and focuses on the work at hand.

Rhea idly watches along with her and suddenly feels that it’s very unfair her letter consisted of one long curvy shape while Edelgard only has to do one long and one short straight line.

She winces only once when Edelgard begins the bottom line and cuts into the pre-existing longer one. A reassuring smile is all it takes for a worried looking Edelgard for the younger woman to continue.

A few more moments and it’s done.

Rhea almost misses the feeling, as the closeness with Edelgard was… addicting.

Too late does she see what Edelgard is plotting, as the girl had been staring hard at the new scar, specifically at the beads of blood lining the scar.

And in one fell swoop she moves her knees sideways before leaning in to _lick_ the blood away.

Several licks even, her head only coming up until there is no blood left anymore.

When her eyes meet green ones, Rhea breaks out of her Edelgard-induced paralyzed state and then breaks completely when she sees Edelgard lick her lips and move her tongue inside her mouth.

“Kiss,” she nearly snarls before pulling Edelgard in to do just that. The younger woman responds with equal vigor and a moment later they are tangled up in each other’s arms, their hands roaming the other’s body, with Rhea feeling terribly overdressed.

It hardly matters because for a little while Rhea forgets everything and simply enjoys the kiss until Edelgard tentatively breaks it, causing Rhea to become aware they’re lying on the bed now, probably because of Edelgard’s guiding hands.

“What is on your mind?” Rhea asks because the lingering look in Edelgard’s eyes is holding an unspoken question.

Edelgard hand wraps around Rhea’s wrist and when her thumb presses into the skin just beneath her palm Rhea feels that familiar and addicting spark of magic, of _recognition._

“I want to feel your magic,” Edelgard whispers, her eyes full of longing and oh so piercing. “And I want to feel you with my magic,” she adds with a hint of a blush. “Can we do that?”

“Yes,” Rhea rasps. She’s more than confident she can control everything now, can feel when she’d be draining Edelgard and knows how to safely retreat. It does have it risks, she’ll be near delirious again if Edelgard’s magic courses through her heart, but she just let the girl hold a knife to her thigh and while that also made her a little delirious she managed to get through it with no problem.

And she really wants this, caution be damned.

“Let’s get under the covers,” she says gently. “Oh and Edelgard?” she calls when Edelgard is already on her hands and knees making her way towards the top of the bed.

“Hm?” comes the response as she turns her head.

“Naked please,” Rhea says, failing to stop a small smile from forming on her lips but refusing to feel apologetic about it. “Skin to skin contact works much better after all.”

Edelgard opens her mouth as if to protest, her cheeks dark and looking almost bashful before it seemingly occurs to her she was already in only her undergarments while Rhea was still fully dressed. So with a huff she relent and unceremoniously throws the remainders of her clothing off the bed before huddling under the cover, shoving some of the pillow a little to the side so they have enough space in the middle for the both of them.

Rhea doesn’t need long to undress, this dress can just go over her head, and a short moment later she crawls under the blanket, wasting no time in pressing Edelgard’s front against her own.

The magic comes naturally to them and Rhea has just enough time to wrap her arm around Edelgard to bring her closer before it becomes hard to determine just where her hand begins and ends as everything blurs into one.

There is a strong core inside Rhea that almost by itself controls their magic, keeps it calm and safe, as the rest of her nearly entirely mingles with Edelgard, her mind a blur and her feelings influenced by Edelgard’s own, making them almost synchronized.

Lost in their own mind and joined in nearly everything they both stay as close to each other as the now chase that familiar magic in each other’s blood.

Time passes by and nothing but soft sighs and noises come from the both of them, all of which Rhea only half registers.

As lost in her mind she was she failed to notice the tension seeping into her thoughts but all of a sudden she’s overcome by the thought that she’s _wasting_ precious time. She should be talking with Edelgard, ask her all those thousands of questions before it’s too late, make her laugh, make sure that Rhea has memorized the way her voice sounds and the way she moves, the countless different expressions Edelgard makes.

Her breath hitches in her throat as a wave of anxiety courses through her, but before it can fully take over her senses something inside Rhea pacifies the sensation, as if the wave crashes into storm breakers.

“Seiros,”a half asleep Edelgard mutters hazily. “Fretting at a moment like this?” Somehow she manages to sound teasing despite the gentleness also present in her voice.

“I... We’re wasting time,” Rhea chokes out, feeling unexpectedly out of breath. “We should do something _meaningful._ I need to be there for you and it’s _your_ time so-”

A finger to her lips stops her, something which she is grateful for because she was quickly running out of words yet not out of emotions.

“We aren’t wasting time,” Edelgard tells her, sounding almost stern. “There is no better way to spend my time than to feel this close to you. I need the… peace of mind it gives me, Seiros. You make me feel so calm, despite the circumstances.”

She taps her finger against Rhea’s lips twice before snaking her hand around Rhea’s head and into her hair on the back. “So hush and let yourself be at ease as well,” she orders with a soft smile.

Rhea feels as if the younger woman’s words hold magic, though what with the fact her magic is running through Rhea’s veins at this moment they might as well, but somehow they help her find the strength to let go of all the thoughts racing though her mind, of all the turmoil that makes her indecisive to the point of feeling paralyzed and with a soft sigh she relaxes again.

“El,” she whispers and pulls Edelgard almost impossibly close to herself, evoking a whimper from her. “Thank you.”

She’s sure she’s awake for hours after that, but no more unpleasant thoughts come to hear and instead the both of them spend their precious hours in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone dare me not to call the next chapter: dawn of the final day, 24 hours remain.  
> I'm joking, I already have a title and it even has dawn in it :^)
> 
> Rhea's fancy quotes are also from the Dies Irea, like El's words from the first chapter. That, girls and boys, is what we call a throwback. (And not lazy writing, I swear)
> 
> "The tome. Rhea distracts herself with remembering where the tome containing her early drafts currently resides.
> 
> …And realizes it’s still in the now abandoned prison,"  
> TL Note: OP realizes the tome is still in the prison, and while OP had realized this by the time she got the leading lesbians into bath, she couldn't find a good moment to get it back until now. Thank you for understanding, I now see why books are generally not released chapter by chapter.


	22. Edge of Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a somewhat shorter chapter, but I found the ending to be fitting for a chapter end.

This last day will forever go down in Rhea’s mind as one of the longest, most difficult one ever.

It’s hard to explain as everything that unfolded –which wasn’t all that much- did so painfully slow, yet everything felt completely disconnected from each other and made Rhea feel as if it was a series of different days instead.

The day felt blurred.

At least when her family died it was in the middle of a war, at least then she could express her grief and anger.

At least then she didn’t have to feel so powerless.

She tries to keep up a brave face, to make sure Edelgard isn’t confronted with her own pain, but everything goes wrong.

They wake up far too late for Rhea’s mind to accept, more time wasted, more questions she can’t ever ask, more memories lost.

She thought she was hiding her growing anxiety and unease well enough but somewhere before noon Edelgard snaps.

“Seiros _stop_ pacing,” she exclaims from her spot on the bed, her eyes wide and fearful, reminding Rhea of a cornered animal

“I wasn’t doing anything of the sort,” she murmurs in return, only to realize she’s been walking in and out of her own bedroom more times than she can count now.

With effort she apologies and pushes aside her distress in favor of trying to be a more calming presence for Edelgard.

She lasts until lunch, when she asks what the other woman wants for breakfast, only to be met with a stiff ‘I’m not very hungry’. It causes stress to spike in Rhea as reality settles in and even Edelgard no longer has it in her to keep up the farce that everything is okay. 

To make matters worse, Rhea can’t get her mind over dinner because she was so confident in bringing Edelgard some grand meal and now that just feels wrong and distorted and honestly a horrible idea in the first place.

It was the last straw that kept some of her composure together because at least she had something in the future to grasp onto and keep herself going. But now that that’s gone she falls apart.

“But what if we just call it off?” she says after edging around the topic with Edelgard for several minutes. “I’ll deal with the fallout afterwards, we could just keep you… somewhere. You’d be safe and hidden from everyone.”

Edelgard looks at her hollowly for several moments before something akin to pain settles on her features. “Don’t’ be selfish,” she says numbly.

“ _Selfish?_ I’m offering you a way out!” Rhea defends in agitation. “I’m trying to save your life.” It almost sounds lie begging.

“No, all are you’re offering me is to become your pet,” Edelgard responds curtly.

“Pet?” Rhea bristles. “Excuse me?”

“Where would you keep me?” Edelgard says sharply with something hard in her eyes. “Some hidden chambers in the cathedral? Perhaps your very own own? It would be nothing but a gilded cage and I cannot live like that.”

She stands up from the chair she’d been sitting in across from Rhea and moves to pace around the room. “I mean it, don’t you dare,” she says softly as she glances away. “I cannot live in a world where I wouldn’t be at your side in some capacity, with some of my freedom intact. I don’t need equal power to you but I would want, no _need_ to be in each other’s lives in a more equal way than this.”

Her pacing stops and lilac eyes find those of Rhea. “Even if you would spend every night and all your free time with me I’d still be alone _so_ much.”

Rhea she swallows when she notices how Edelgard’s eyes haunted turn.

“I’m never really alone anymore, not really. Every passing second that I’m alone I’m with the people who died because of me. For me, in my name, by my orders or by my hand. All those people keep coming back and their voices won’t leave me.”

She forces her clenched fists down roughly as her eyes grow moist. “I keep feeling Hubert die in my arms,” she cries. “And even the living won’t leave me be. Over and over again I see how the rage and hatred in Dimitri’s eyes had grown each time I saw him. In the end his hate for me eclipsed everything else. ” Finally her sorrow wins over her self-control and she breaks into tears.

“I thought it would be easier to be this hated,” she sobs, bringing her hands to her face to muffle the sound. “I thought I was better prepared to take it.”

Rhea is with her a moment later, wrapping her hands around the trembling girl and pulling her close. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Don’t do anything,” Edelgard responds against her shoulder. “Just please don’t make me your secret, I can’t be reduced to that, not with all these ghosts in my mind.”

Seteth’s words echo in her mind. That Edelgard’s death is inevitable so Rhea ought to be there for her and make her feel at ease to the best of her abilities.

“I won’t,” Rhea promises, feeling something break inside her as she finally surrenders herself to a cause she isn’t committed to. 

Idly she wonders where exactly she failed. Just when did she hammer the final nail in the coffin that even she didn’t have the power to sway things to her hand.

In hindsight, she should have kidnapped Edelgard the second the girl set foot on Garreg Mach, keep her save from the slithers’ and convince her that Rhea was the lesser of two evils so they could march against their common enemy.

But that’s hindsight.

And also involved kidnapping a teenager who doesn’t see you as a human and holds deep hatred for you, more so than the Slitheres’ do at that point in time.

Something akin to quiet peace settles between them after their clash of emotions, although Rhea’s mind keeps doing overtime in trying to come up with something to say. To distract Edelgard, to ease her mind and keep her occupied.

It’s painful when she realizes it’s herself who needs all of that, as Edelgard seems content where she huddled in a corner of Rhea’s room with a book in her lap, not quite into it but still able to use it to keep herself going and stay calm.

Dinner proves to be an even more miserable affair than their non-existent lunch, as they take it very late and Edelgard doesn’t eat anything more than a few bites of bread, and once again Rhea is back to her disorientated and restless state of mind.

Rhea has silently decided not to bring back Edelgard to her cell until it’s almost time and Edelgard doesn’t seem keen on asking so the topic is never brought up.

She seems to trust Rhea will take care of things as eventually she crawls onto bed, reading some more but getting visibly more exhausted as she struggles to stay awake. Once Rhea catches Edelgard shooting her a nervous glance she drops her own book and promptly settles next to Edelgard, who gratefully snuggles against her.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly.

“Don’t be,” is all Rhea can respond with, too choked up to speak properly.

For minutes she is frantically forcing herself to come up with something meaningful or comforting to say, something to get a smile out of Edelgard.

Only to realize the girl has fallen asleep against her.

Rhea stares at her for a long time, unable to move her body.

 _Is this it?_ Are the only three words echoing in Rhea’s head along with her loud and heavy heartbeat.

So many thoughts are warring in her mind. Grief and sadness because Rhea cannot comprehend that this was it. That her time with Edelgard is over. No more laughter, no more crying, no more talks that had Rhea’s head reeling so nicely.

No more love.

She realizes she’s feeling anger, at Edelgard for daring to fall asleep, and at herself, for feeling anger that Edelgard fell asleep. It’s not her fault, it’s just _so_ painful.

Her mind is riddled with anxiety and adrenaline and not a cell inside her can go to sleep right now.

But not a single cell in Rhea wants to wake up Edelgard either.

That would be the most cruel thing to do of all.

She looks so peaceful, curled against Rhea, who can’t take her eyes off the sleeping girl. Her expression is soft and she seems so at ease, safely curled up against Rhea.

Perhaps a good night sleep would be a proper parting gift from Rhea, then maybe Edelgard will suffer a bit less in the morning. She’ll be less on edge and nervouw, less stressed and able to take more. Rhea could easily lie like this for hours, even without sleeping. Or with her Nabatean magic she can let half her brain sleep so she can make sure a part of her keeps track of time and makes sure Edelgard is content.

But it will be a terribly long night regardless.

The execution will be held at ten in the morning, and it’s not even that late yet in the evening, twilight is still being overtaken by true darkness at the height of summer.

A vile and selfish part of her suddenly wishes the execution was to be held right now. Then at least it would be over soon instead of slowly counting down the minutes for the coming eleven hours by herself, along with her thoughts that won’t stop.

But here she is, and the thoughts just keep going. For the first time she dares take a step of what happens after the execution. She thought of a funeral or a tomb or the way she’ll shape Edelgard’s story and use her death to rally others behind Rhea, and behind the long dead Edelgard, to go after the Agarthans.

But she didn’t take such big steps, and not that many either.

No, she took one small step past the moment of the execution and is now being assaulted by visions of Edelgard’s corpse. Of blood and gory sights, all belonging to the woman she loved, dead by her own hands. At once she’s nauseous and she has to focus on keeping breathing slow to keep herself steady in order not to wake Edelgard.

Still, flashes of _beheading_ and _blood everywhere_ and _those lifeless eyes_ won’t leave her be and she feels close to drowning in her sorrow.

The warmth on her cheeks alert her that she’s been crying. It’s almost odd. She hasn’t cried since she brought Edelgard to her room and the time they spend there was turbulent to say the least.

They’re silent tears, as it’s not the kind of grief that needs a violent outburst of emotions to vanish. No, it’s sorrow, anger and anguish over having to surrender herself to this, that things ended up as they did and Rhea stood in the middle of it all, thinking she was in control but too blind to see the game being played against her.

There are also tears for how Edelgard turned out to be someone Rhea could grow to love deeply, no matter what way. When you don’t age loving someone who ages is difficult and the only proper way to love them is to be there for them in what way they need in their current phase in their life and not burden them with your own emotions, desires and pains until they grow into being such a person themselves. All you can do is add something to their life, burden them with your flaws.

A part of her would have liked getting through to Edelgard at a much younger age. To have the girl’s trust and protect her against those who harmed her in such a vile manner. Edelgard could have stayed at Garreg Mach and Rhea could have tutored her ever so often in the true history of Adrestia, perhaps even the true history of Saint Seiros as well, depending on what kind of Emperor a more free Edelgard would shape herself to become.

Rhea would have loved that, to be close with her in such a way, even if they had never fallen in love. She can’t imagine a much younger Edelgard ever thinking such a thing and by the time she would have grown to the age of adulthood and could consider such things from a mature angle Rhea would have been far too long in her life for that still to be an option.

That’s just how the lives of Nabateans often go.

Still, she wouldn’t have minded, as wonderful it is to love Edelgard, from that love –any kind of love- stems a strong desire in Rhea that she ensures Edelgard is happy, free and confident. Even if Rhea would step back in the shadows and see her much less in her later years.

Rhea definitely prefers that alternative over this reality though, because here Edelgard isn’t happy, free and confident. Only in moments, and only because Rhea was there to set those feelings alight inside her.

The tears are still falling, her cheeks feel warm and fresh tears keep rolling over dried ones.

Her mind drifts to Seteth agsin, who told her to be as much with Edelgard as possible, to get to know her and let her feel peace.

Rhea feels she failed in everything he told her to do but now also realizes her standards were too high. Edelgard didn’t expect her to do that, didn’t even want it on several occasions. She just wanted to _be_ and Rhea thinks she did that at least decent enough.

What would life without Edelgard be? The first response her mind gives her is a huge and crushing void eclipsing Rhea. She needs to keep something of her in this world when Edelgard is no longer here. Her clothes, that book in Enbarr.

…. _The drawing._

Rhea’s heart is racing, she looks at Edelgard, who is still sleeping soundly, and Rhea takes that moment to calm herself.

That drawing will be framed, it encapsulates so much of what Edelgard is made of. Her love for Garreg Mach and religion despite everything, her way of seeing people and being able to recreate them from memory with nothing but a pencil, creating a chaos of stripes and lines that turn into Rhea or Seteth and many others.

And then the dawn, the only thing she colored as it held such deep meaning for her, the one thing she couldn’t’ see anymore, the one thing she told Rhea she regretted not being able to see anymore.

The one thing Rhea _can_ show her.

All her thoughts come to a rough stop and focus on this new idea settling in her mind.

Can she? A unanimous _yes_ screams throughout Rhea’s head, consequences be damned.

Internally she checks the time, just past twelve now. Sunrise should be around five, so if she plays it safe and takes Edelgard there a little past four they can still do some stargazing and hopefully speak without the heavy atmosphere that fills this room.

Satisfied with her plan, Rhea smiles and relaxes against Edelgard as well, ensuring that her magic will keep her in a light slumber, only barely below her waking mind, and that that magic will jolt her awake at the time she set for the magic to last.

Finally Rhea also finds peace, holding onto Edelgard as she dozes with a small smile on her face.

She doesn’t notice her tears have long dried.

Finally the minutes don’t tick by excruciatingly slow as rhea is in-between waking and sleeping, feeling as if time going faster than she is as she lays there, basking in the warmth Edelgard’s body gives off. Everything feels raw and real but in her hazy state of mind that just feels more pleasant and intimate.

The minutes turn into hours and soon enough Rhea feels her magic nudge her awake. She feels alert at once and a part of her is relieved she actually woke up on time. Still she gives herself a moment to gather her bearings and prepare herself for what’s coming.

“El,” she utters softy and plants a kiss on the sleeping girl’s head. “El, wake up.”

“Mhmnn,” is the first sounds Edelgard makes before she tentatively opens her eyes. “Seiros?” she brings, looking sleepy and confused for a moment before her eyes turn more frightful. “Oh, is it time? It’s still dark… do I need to go back to the cell already?” she sits up abruptly. “I’m sorry I fell asleep,” she whispers with her head lowered and looking crestfallen. “I’m so sorry, I should have…”

“No you’re wrong, it’s not time yet. Shhh you’re perfectly fine,” Rhea comforts her, wrapping two arms around Edelgard from behind and pulling her close. “If anything I should apologize for waking you so early. But it can’t be helped, I have something to show you,” she says with a smile evident in her words.

Edelgard looks over her shoulder. “What?” she asks, now looking puzzled.

Rhea presses her index finger to her lips. “That’s a surprise. Now get dressed, at least a vest and slippers so you’re warm enough.

A very confused Edelgard only follows Rhea’s orders once Rhea herself gets out of bed to fetch her vest.

In the end Rhea gives her some evening pants, which somehow fit after Rhea rolls the hems up around Edelgard’s ankles twice –neither of them make a comment about the pins Rhea used to keep them rolled up.

But then they’re ready, in mismatched clothes mostly in various shades of white adorned with the occasional symbol or decoration. Rhea had dug deep into her wardrobe and had found Edelgard a red vest, one long enough to reach past her knees, causing the edge of the fabric to sway and flow around her as she moves about and Rhea had found yet another way to see beauty in Edelgard.

“Where are we going?” Edelgard finally asks, looking a bit out of her element and perhaps even a tad afraid now, Rhea realizes with a start.

“Something good, I promise. Now come, hold on to me, I’ll take us there.”

The fear in Edelgard’s eyes fades and with a small yet insecure smile she embraces Rhea. “I trust you,””\ she says and the words make Rhea want to fell entire armies.

The both of them light up inside the glow of Rhea’s warp spell and only a second later are they much higher, on top of the cathedral on the rectangular flat part of the roof where three only chest-high walls stop anyone who finds themselves there from plummeting to their deaths, those walls being there more for decorative purposes than anything. The last much larger wall is part of the large room underneath and is less a wall and more just part of the cathedrals design

“We’re on the roof!” Edelgard exclaims as she lets go of Rhea. After a few tentative steps she suddenly dashes of, giving Rhea a momentary heart attack fearing Edelgard is going to make a beeline for the edge and jump off.

But no, Edelgard laughs and runs, hops, half- _dances_ throughout the spacious roof.

“Why are we here?” Edelgard giggles. “This is amazing! So much space,” she laughs more as she darts about.

Once Rhea walks over into her direction, Edelgard stops running and closes the distance between them. “I’m happy,” she murmurs as she kisses Rhea’s cheek.

Rhea smiles and feels herself fluster. “We are here for sunrise,” she says softly and is suddenly deadly afraid Edelgard might not at all enjoy her ‘present’. What if it’s too much for her to bear?

Edelgard looks at her intently for a moment, with various emotions swirling behind her eyes. “Did you remember what I said about them?” she asks in a fragile voice, barely above a whisper.

“I did yes. You said that you regretted not having enjoyed the last few when you could, that your bed in the palace was on the wrong side and that you didn’t have it in you anymore once it was mostly abandoned.”

Now Rhea feels insecure. “I want to see this last dawn with you El, but if that’s too much or if you want to see it alone that’s also perfectly fi-”

She almost gets tackled to the ground by a flash of white and red. “You stay,” Edelgard demands, looking up at Rhea with an exited look, though with her vulnerability still present. “Thank you,” she says and her voice is raw with emotion. “Thank you for thinking so deeply about me.” Letting go of Rhea a bit she laughs to herself. “You really do know me, don’t you?” she smiles. “That means that when I die a part of me will live on in you. That’s… that’s comforting to know.”

“I will keep your memory alive, I swear that to you,” Rhea says with a tremor in her voice. “Sorry, I’m trying not to get too emotional.”

“Right,” Edelgard says with an apologetic smile. She looks up at the night’s sky. “Daybreak seems like it will take a little more time.”

“A little less than an hour,” Rhea informs her. “Come,” she says and reaches for Edelgard’s hand. “Let’s go sit against that large wall over there. The stars are still out.”

Edelgard obliges, seemingly back to an excited mood again. “Are you sure I’m not here because you want to see me try and escape by throwing myself off the roof? Those walls are _asking_ for it you know,” she laughs.

There is only a teasing lilt in her voice so Rhea doesn’t feel worried, that and she’s confident Edelgard will want to see the dawn. “You got me,” she grins. “I’m hoping you make a beautiful red carnage on my pavements for all of Garreg Mach to see once daybreak does hit.

“My final dawn and I’m all crimson, how fitting,” Edelgard laughs. “Almost worth considering. But no, I have an even more fitting death in a few hours,” she chuckles with only a hint of pain. “Your presence is so comforting, I’m hardly scared.”

Rhea’s foot jerks and she has to regain balance, careful not to stumble about.

“Too emotional,” Edelgard states apologetically.

“No, it’s good that you’re speaking freely, it’s simply that I have a hard time speaking if I get caught up in my feelings but I have things I want to say,” Rhea explains.

“A middle road it is then,” Edelgard settles on.

They reach the wall soon enough and Rhea turns around and sits down to lean her back against the stones. She had thought Edelgard would sit next to her but the girl hops in between Rhea’s legs and presses her back against Rhea’s front. Not only that, she casually grab both of Rhea’s arms and snakes them around her own stomach. “Hmm, comfortable,” she hums contently.

Rhea chuckles and kisses the back of her head. “Dragon,” she murmurs affectionally.

“Excuse me!?” comes the exaggerated and dramatic response.

“Well I’m quite fond of dragons you know,” Rhea chides her playfully. “Much better than humans.

She can’t stop herself from laughing when Edelgard makes offended hissing noises.

“There are so many stars,” Edelgard observes sometime after the both of them had gone silent.

“It’s a clear night yes,” Rhea states.

“I’ve always found them interesting but I must confess I know very little about them, the knowledge I sought for most of my life pertained to Fodlan, the war and, well… you,” she says sheepishly and with a twinge of pain. “Not a lot of war among the stars.”

“I’m honored to be in the top three,” Rhea jokes and luckily Edelgard’s pain seems to evaporate.

“Do you know what’s out there?” Edelgard asks and there is a hint of childlike curiosity in her voice.

“More or less, in theory. I’ve never left the planet and while I know how some things work when one leaves the planet I have no idea just _what_ is out there, especially much further in.”

“I often liked to imagine there are planets full of other people where all of Fodlans problems, and my own, don’t exist,” Edelgard says, her voice emotional. “Do you think there might be other people among the stars?” she asks in a much softer tone.

“It’s likely there are beings out there, I suppose. But if they look human I cannot say. Every planet works, looks and feels very different and a planet forms its inhabitants, so to speak.”

“Oh.”

Rhea can’t take that flicker of disappointment in Edelgard’s voice at all.

“My Mother came from the stars,” she reveals.

Edelgard turns sideways to look Rhea in the eyes. “Really?” she asks astonished.

“Yes, really. She found some of your earliest ancestors and wanted to help, which she did for thousands of years.” Rhea had completely erased this part of history, too terrified the people wouldn’t see her Mother as a goddess but as a trespasser, an invader who ruined everything.

But Edelgard can know. Edelgard can know everything. Even if she condemns it Rhea wants her to know, it will be refreshing at the very least.

“She must have been really powerful then,” Edelgard says in awe and immediately Rhea feels close to crying.

“Yes, that she was.” Her voice almost broke there.

“Are there more beings like her out there?” Edelgard asks her curiously.

That is the first time in a _long_ time Rhea considers the possibility. Even she never fully understood just what her Mother was or where she had come from. After all Rhea only had things on Fodlan to compare her to and even she could discern the start difference between human children and mothers and the Nabateans.

The last time she had actively considered was shortly after her Mother had been killed. In her grief and rage she had hoped, wished and prayed her Mother’s brethren would come down from the stars to avenge the death of their kin, or perhaps even resurrect her.

But no such thing happened.

“She never divulged much about what she knew or where she came from,” Rhea tells the attentively listening younger woman. “She insisted we’d focus on Fodlan, that’s why we were born after all. But she never denied that she was alone, or some fluke either. She seemed to be on Fodlan with a purpose and me and my siblings were made to help her with that.”

“A Goddess with a purpose,” Edelgard echoes. “I wonder what she was thinking.”

“Me too,” comes Rhea’s soft response.

Feeling close to crying again Rhea switches the topic. “Do you see that star over there,” she says and points up. “It should be easy to spot, it is brightest star in the night’s sky.”

Edelgard follows her line of sight and finds the star Rhea pointed out for her. “I see it, yes. I’ve noticed it before, it does stand out,” she says and then looks at Rhea. “Why? Does it have a special meaning?”

Rhea smiles. “My Mother named me after that star,” she reveals and for a moment she drowns in happy memories of days long gone where she and her mother spoke of her name among all kinds of other precious things.

Edelgard looks at her with wide eyes. “That’s amazing, to be named after a star. So that star is called Seiros then?” she wonders.

“No, not anymore. Language evolves over time and so do words, when I got my name over a thousand years ago it was caller Seirios, but nowadays people call it Sirius. My Mother named me after it when it was still called Seirios and altered it a little,” Rhea explains and it all feels so nostalgic all of a sudden.

Edelgard laughs softly. “You’re the slightly altered brightest star in the sky.” Despite her mirth she shifts her body to its side completely, reaching up to kiss Rhea briefly before laying against her chest and looking up at the sky again. “But that’s really beautiful,” she murmurs. “It suits you, you shine so brightly.”

Her hand raises up and gingerly she presses it against Rhea’s cheek, her eyes finding Rhea’s own. “Even when I had the wrong feelings for you I could tell you were shining. I thought it was just a façade for so long, a mask underneath which nothing resided but even then I had moments where I struggled to believe that, you were just always so radiant.”

Rhea chokes up, closing her eyes and leaning into the soft touch of Edelgard’s hand. “I’ve never thought of myself that way,” she mumbles, feeling slightly insecure all of a sudden. “I don’t think I’m worthy of being called radiant, some parts of me the public sees are facades after all, you personally discovered some yourself.”

“You’re talking about perfect,” Edelgard gently corrects her. “With radiant I mean the amount of life I see shimmering inside you.” She looks up to the sky, seemingly in deep thought. “How do I put this?” she wonders. “There is too much of you,” she concludes, though seems dissatisfied with her choice of words.

“Too much?” Rhea blinks in confusion.

“Yes, in a good way. When I think of you it’s almost impossible to think of _all_ that you’re made up at once,” Edelgard begins to explain, much more animatedly as she’s finding her words. “And it’s not just your long life and your Nabatean origin, but also just _you._ The way you react to things, your interests and passions, the way you love. Your personality alone is too much for me to see all at once. There is just so much _you,”_ Edelgard ends with a small smile. “I cannot think of all the facets that mace up you all at once.”

Mirth sparks in Edelgard’s eyes. “But it doesn’t matter because all of it is perfect to me. It’s exciting. It’s exciting. _You’re_ exciting,” she giggles softly.

For a moment Rhea can’t do anything but stare at Edelgard with newfound awe as her heart swells and her emotions run oh so deep but it feels so good because in this moment she’s so damn _happy._

Edelgard loves all of her. Rhea, with all her less bright sides, is worthy of being loved by this wondrous enigma of a woman, who thinks Rhea’s quirks and unpredictability are exciting.

“I feel the same way about you,” she murmurs, grabbing Edelgard’s hand and instead bringing it to her mouth where she plants soft kisses on it. “So much.”

It’s the closest she can come to a confession of love but neither feel hurt that it cannot be anything more, after all they have made a deal.

With a smile Edelgard snuggles against her chest again and sighs softly.

Rhea recalls Seteth’s words once again, of him explaining to her these last days are for Edelgard to mourn and prepare for her death, while Rhea has the rest of her life to mourn and deal with the aftermath of her death.

Perhaps she shouldn’t have tried so hard to make meaningful memories and to make Edelgard happy, because right now Edelgard seems perfectly content just laying against Rhea.

She was looking at meaningful experiences from her own perspective, not that of Edelgard.

Rhea wants to berate herself but decides that right now is not the time, right now this time is for Edelgard.

And Edelgard seems to be doing exactly what she wants so Rhea only has to provide her a shoulder to lean on and a comforting presence.

For some time they watch the sky, occasionally talking about nothing and everything, just small things that cross their mind they deem important or nice enough to share.

Some of the heavy burden on Rhea’s shoulders seem to evaporate and for the first time she can think clearly ahead of the imminent future where Edelgard won’t be with her. It’s daunting and painful but it’s… possible, somehow.

The thought hurts deeply but Rhea realizes that with Edelgard still in her arms she’s already taking the first steps to part from her.

She wants to hate herself for it but, feelings aside, this is what they both wanted right? This is how Rhea will need to carry herself into that future thy both want.

…Right?

She decides not to think too far now.

Quite some time in to their conversations interchanged with bouts of silently gazing at the stars they notice the sky is beginning to brighten. It’s still just the blue turning into lighter hues but daybreak is drawing nearer.

“Sirius is fading,” Edelgard says with pain lacing her voice, almost as if something is slipping through her grasp.

For the next several minutes she looks at the star as much as possible as the brightening sky around it makes it increasingly hard to make the glowing dot out.

He vanishes entirely only minutes before the reds of dawn make themselves known and Edelgard looks at the now blue sky with grief.

Rhea wraps her arms around the girl. “Sirius will always be there,” she says, hoping that it works comforting for Edelgard somehow. “And Sirius will remember you watching it just now exactly like how I’ll will always remember you.”

A tremor runs through Edelgard and she makes a quiet sound of sorry before looking up to Rhea. “You better,” she orders. “If you forget me I’ll come down as a demon to haunt you,” she says with so much vigor that even the smile on her face isn’t enough for her words to be completely meant jokingly.

“Tempting,” Rhea teases, confident she’s reading the atmosphere right between then. “I’ll look forward to being pestered by yet another horned incarnation of you,” she grins.

“You!” Edelgard bristles but a finger from Rhea to her lips shuts her up. “Look El,” she says and points at the reds appearing at the bottom of the bright blues that the girl hadn’t noticed yet.

“ _Dawn_.”

Edelgard’s eyes go wide and remain trained on those red hues in the distance. Rhea nudges her and holds out her hand. ‘Come,” she says and without hesitation Edelgard takes Rhea’s hand.

After getting the both of them on their feet Rhea holds on tightly to Edelgard’s hand as she takes the girl to the edge of the roof, near the balustrades reaching to about their chests, where they can see the deep red hues surrounded by yellow beginning to grow the best.

Edelgard leans over the stone folding her arms on the op and resting her head on it while Rhea leans her elbows on it and puts her chin atop her hands. Together they watch in silence. Rhea never really stood still by how quickly dawn breaks. Minutes in, sunlight starts creeping closer over the ground down below as the top of the sun edges on the distant horizon.

“It’s beautiful,” Rhea says softly. Edelgard flashes her a quick smile before her eyes are trained on the rising sun once again, clearly wanting to take in as much of the sight as possible.

“Truly.”

It is cathartic, as Edelgard said. It’s as if the terror of the night is being scorched away by the warmth of the day.

If only this day wouldn’t have to happen.

“What would you do?” Edelgard asks suddenly, eyes still focused on the distance. “If this dawn burned away who we are, our pasts and who we’ve become. If from today on I wasn’t the Emperor, fallen or not, nor would you be the archbishop. We’d just be two women waken up from a long dream.”

Now she turns her head to face Rhea and there is a need hidden in her eyes. “What would you do, Seiros?”

Numerous thought swirl inside Rhea’s head, all the possibilities, but there is only one truly impossible thing on her mind. It’s not as if any of that is a reality, so she might as well indulge in a fantasy.

“I’d marry you,” she says and with both with only a little mirth in her eyes and her words holding too much weight for it to be a joke.

At once Edelgard flusters and makes some very undignified noises. “ _Marry_ me,” she echoes. “We can’t do that, even if we were free. Do you even know what you’re saying Seiros?”

“I do, and I know we can’t, believe me I know.” She fails to hide the tremor in her voice. “But you came with your ‘what if’ fantasy, and that’s what I want.”

Here in this moment she truly wants it. Here in their bubble yes, but outside? Should things have gone differently and should she have gotten much more time to slowly fall in love with her then Rhea feels that she wanted to be wedded to Edelgard as well.

Edelgard is looking at her with eyes the size of saucers. “Do you mean it? Do you lo- care, do you care for me that much?” she asks, sounding terribly fragile.

“Yes,” Rhea smiles.

Edelgard looks perplexed and very red. “Do you really think I’m worthy of you?”

“More than that, even.” For a moment Rhea considers her words, hoping what’s on her mind won’t hurt Edelgard.

“Besides,” she says sweetly. “It would only be proper of me to marry you seeing as I want you to be the mother of my children someday.”

“ _Seiros!_ ” comes the high pitched voice of Edelgard, who turns beet red and sputters all kinds of nonsensical words, making Rhea worry for a moment if she went too far.

“Children,” Edelgard pants, struggling to keep her breathing under control our of sheer shock. “With me?” Her eyes find Rhea’s. “You would want that?” She shrugs and laughs dismissively.. “Joking at a time like this,” she chuckles, a twinge of sadness in the otherwise gentle sound. “But I suppose entertaining such an impossible dream is nice yes...” Edelgard adds as she glances away.

“Actually there is a method, one that involves a lot less sex and a lot more science mind you, but it should still be possible with the technology from the world that came before this one.”

Edelgard does a double take and blinks at Rhea several times with a blank expression before she regains her bearings. “You want to give me Nabatean children… and that’s possible between two women?”

“No, want you to have _my_ children and yes that is possible, if a bit complex.” Rhea explains, now quickly feeling less confident and almost afraid of what she’s saying.

But in this moment all of her fiercely wishes that future was possible for them.

“Oh,” Edelgard murmurs and her gaze too is unfocused, lost in this beautiful ‘what if’ fantasy neither can attain, but then something snaps her out of it and her hand rests on her stomach.

“Hmm, but surely not me,” comes her soft, pain-laced voice. “Not after what was done to me in de dungeons that left me infertile,” she says with a wry expression.

“It depends on just what was done to you and what they left intact,” Rhea muses.

“Everything is intact,” Edelgard says with urgency in her voice, as if this fantasy rides on that trial to be overcome as well, as if the fantasy breaks if Rhea couldn’t actually do it. “I have proof that my womb and other organs are working perfectly, I went to physicians not affiliated with the slithers’ and all they could tell me something had been cut,” Edelgard explains with old pain in her voice.

Oh.

_Oh._

Those _vile_ shadow dwellers made a ten year old girl infertile, most likely because they had wanted her to be their puppet who would be discarded once they had gotten her use out of her –like now with her execution in just a few precious hours.

The thought makes her blood boil but one look at the fragile happiness that’s still inside Edelgard, now underneath doubt and impossibilities tells Rhea her anger, or revealing what happened, is not the correct course of action.

“If what you say is right then yes, you as well,” she says, leaning her head on Edelgard’s shoulder.

“No, only you. I only want children with you.”

Edelgard trembles as she feels too much emotions. Sadness that their dream will never come true, excitement of the possibility and lost in those beautiful dreams.

Rhea leaves her to sort out her feelings and simply gazes as the world lights up. Those warm rays of sun falling over Garreg Mach hours before the people slumbering there will wake up.

Aside from Rhea Edelgard stirs and Rhea is too late to see what’s happening. “Yes!” comes the jubilant cheer. The girl jumps up, chafing Rhea’s chin with her shoulder before moving back, hopping about in a patterns not far from dancing.

“I’ll have your children, Archbishop,” she says, loudly and with unbridled happiness. “Many too. I want at least six or even seven so you’ll have your work cut out for you Seiros.” She laughs as she twirls around her own axis. “I’m going to make you raise them too, but you’ll have to raise them exactly like I would.

After a few more spins and hops and twirling around Rhea Edelgard dashes to the balustrade, making Rhea’s heart do overtime out of fear the girl is going to jump.

But no, she stops and leans over the balustrade like a whimsical noble about to address their people.

“Do you hear that, Garreg Mach!” She yells, her position too high and het voice not loud enough for any early rises to her hear. “I’m going to bear so many children thanks to your Archbishop! I’m going to be pregnant so often I wouldn’t be fit to rule anymore. Take that! I’ll be much happier not being your Emperor anyway.” She’s laughing as she yells and looks so free and beautiful and endearingly happy that Rhea cannot find it in her to intervene, or say anything for that manner.

This is a moment for Edelgard alone.

Still… such words are terribly inappropriate. Not even freshly wedded nobility are this forward, Rhea thinks, even commoners wouldn’t say such explicit thinks when discussing the topic of having children.

…No, it’s really a terribly inappropriate thing to say for everyone... except Edelgard that is.

Because for Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg, last of her name, it is just the perfect thing to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl if I could rewrite it I would do the pacing better. I thought writing them into the same room for 3 days would make conversations and them getting closer easier but writing someone trapped in the room with their loved one whom they are about to kill gave me second person Cabin Fever. No escape for both Rhea and me.  
> So I'm glade we made the roof. We are now entirely back in 'already fully written in her head' territory' rather than ' I want to use these 3 days to make them have these loose conversations/experiences while i keep coming up with more stuff. ahaaaa
> 
> Hope you all know that Edelgard's drawing was definitely one of those fancy experts-only writers tactics you probably never heard of called for-shadowing. Or chekovs gun, of something. Im not an expert.


	23. All this stolen time wasn't enough

Edelgard let’s go of Rhea’s hand the moment they warp back into her chambers and an uncomfortable heavy silence settles between them.

“I suppose it’s time for you to take me back to the prison isn’t it,” Edelgard says with her back turned to Rhea.

“Yes,” comes the hollow response.

“Could you… can I have a moment alone here?” Edelgard asks as she looks over her shoulder. “Sorry, I know they’re your chambers.”

“It’s alright,” Rhea assures her. “Take your time. I’ll go fetch the clothes and inform Seteth,” she says.

Edelgard nods at her.

“I…” Rhea mumbles before hesitating. She crosses the two steps between them and kisses Edelgard. “I’m sorry,” she breathes against her lips.

“Don’t be.”

With shame Rhea almost flees towards the door, needing desperately to be away from all of this for a moment, to move, to have a distraction, and without looking back she shuts the door behind her.

In a daze she makes it to Seteth’s chambers, not being able to go anywhere else with the way she’s dressed anyway.

“Brother,” she says as he opens the door, stepping inside and closing the door behind her before she embraces him tightly. “Cichol.”

“Rhea…” he says, slightly taken aback by her use of his true name. “Seiros?” he asks as he wraps his own arms around her.

All she can do to stop herself from crying is holding onto him more tightly.

“Is she… did you bring her back?” he asks carefully.

“Not yet, she’s still in my chambers. She wanted a moment alone… and I needed a moment away from her. Cichol I need to tell her _goodbye,_ ” she says and lets out a strained noise.

“Haven’t you already been doing that.” he says softly, brushing his hand over her back.

“Not properly, I don’t know _how._ ”

“The same way we say goodbye to every human that enters our life, with love and while keeping their dignity as it is.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It isn’t,” he says with an edge to his tone. “It never is.”

“Sorry.”

Seteth moves back and puts both his hands on her upper arms instead. “You’ve done well.”

“Not well enough,” Rhea cries. “She deserves better.”

“You did everything you could,” he tries to reassure her as he moves his hands up and down to comfort her. “I… I don’t know what to do that would help you… What can I do?”

“I… I need you to get the prison garments for her,” she says and immediately feels guilty for asking such a chore of him. “I’m not dressed the part.”

“Of course,” he says, letting go of her shoulders. “I’ll go fetch them at once.” He takes a step before stopping. “Wait, will you be alright on your own?” he asks and Rhea almost wants to laugh for her brother’s clumsy way of dealing with her emotions.

“I will, just… let me pace around for a while.”

Seteth seems reluctant to go now and only takes his next step after Rhea gestures dismissively at him “Go.”

The moment he closes the door behind him she makes good on her promise to pace and just walks from his bedroom to his office back and forth in an attempt to clear her head.

With love.

With dignity.

She tries to cling to the words, remember everything Seteth has advised her these past days with desperation.

He’s gone for maybe ten minutes but by the time he returns her mind had been reduced to those two words only as everything else makes panic rise in her. She’s begun to cry and has stopped again in the sparse time he was gone as well.

“You’re back,” she says, both in relief and despair once he closes the door behind him. “Is everything…”

“Prepared,” he nods. “I took care of everything, I’ll come fetch you in two hours and all you need to do is respond to what they say. You remember the preparations?” He asks. She nods. “Good, I’ll bring you the appropriate attire and… and your sword.”

She struggles to swallow when she hears her sword being mentioned. “Thank you,” she tries to say but hardly a sound comes from her mouth.

“Rhe- Seiros, it’s not fair, I know,” Seteth says with a pained look. “I won’t say I understand your anguish but… but you must see this through. I know the toll must be unbearable high but too much hinges on it, too much is at risk.”

“I’m aware,” is her quiet response as she glances away. Anger flares up in her at Seteth for daring her tell her this because she _knows_ so well but a part of her needs to hear it from him, to remind herself to push through and suffer the consequences later. “Only a few more hours,” she adds bitterly.

“I’m sorry,” he says guiltily. “I don’t know how to help.”

“You can’t.” Taking the clothes from him she moves to turn around. “I’m going,” she announces before looking back over her shoulders. “I’m not angry, not with you.”

The way he looks miserable as he nods somehow manages to make her feel a little better, makes her feel just a tad less alone in this yet still equally selfish.

Only Edelgard should be allowed to feel anguish, not the both of them who only aided in getting her into this situation in the first place. Still, Rhea can’t get rid of her own emotions and they’re threatening to swallow her.

She’s already back in the hall before she realizes she’s even there and the door has already closed behind her. In a daze she finds her way to her own door. There she hesitates to open it, afraid of what she must endure when she sees Edelgard.

Calling herself selfish again, she forces herself to open it.

Edelgard is sitting on a chair by the window and greets her with a small smile. “I don’t know what to say anymore,” she says softly. “Perhaps it’s best not to say anything. We’ve already spoken about so many wonderful things.”

“There is so much more I want to say,” Rhea finally admits and it’s a relief to get that out.

“Yet I think I already know,” Edelgard responds with a sad smile, closing the topic for the both of them.

Wordlessly she slips off the chair and takes the clothes from Rhea. Moving to the side of the bed she turns her back to Rhea and undresses. Immediately Rhea feels torn by looking away to respect Edelgard’s privacy and committing her shapes to memory one last time. Her mind is screaming she didn’t do it well enough, she can’t remember so many scars the other woman has.

Does Edelgard even want Rhea to remember her that way?

In the end all she does is catch a glimpse of the sigil she drew on Edelgard’s back before bashfully averting her eyes.

She remains like that, frozen on the spot, until Edelgard turns around and calls her name.

“There, the uniform is on,” she says, smiling despite her sorrow, as she does a twirl on her own axis.

“Good,” Rhea says. “I’d had almost forgotten but your bruises… you can keep the sigil we made and the scars one on your leg, but those faded bruises around your throat especially… people can’t see that… after. They’ll think you were abused.”

Edelgard’s hand flies up to her neck and prods the bruises and marks there. “I don’t really have a choice anymore, do I?” she says sadly.

“No,” Rhea agrees, “no, I wish they could stay too, you look so good with them to me,” she says feeling guilt for saying such a thing, yet her cheeks still go dark.

“Well alright then,” Edelgard sighs and steps in front of her. Rhea raises her hand and calls forth light healing magic, brushing the bruised skin of Edelgard everywhere she can.

“Feels warm,” Edelgard mumbles hazily as she relaxes on the spot. Rhea places her hand into Edelgard’s shirt to heal some of the bruises on her breasts and scars, putting her other hand inside from underneath the tunic to apply the same magic.

Edelgard makes sure Rhea knows exactly how good it feels by making very distracting noises that threaten to ignite a fire in Rhea.

But no, it’s far too late for that now. If they’d get intimate now Rhea would never pick herself up in time afterwards… or at all.

So she ignores Edelgard for the most part and quickly finishes her job, removing her hands from Edelgard’s skin once she does.

The younger woman makes a faint noise of protest but ultimately relents, looking slightly sad but understanding instead

A moment later Edelgard gets a peculiar look in her eyes and steps in front of Rhea, smiling gently before grabbing Rhea’s hand. “I’m ready,” she says with only a slight tremor in her voice. “Let’s bring me back.”

On habit Rhea activates her warp spell and a moment later they’re back in the prison cell again.

At once Rhea lurches when she sees the room.

This is where it all began.

And this is where the two of them are going to truly part ways.

Edelgard moves to her old bed. “Thank you, Seiros. Thank you so much. You couldn’t have done it any better, in these two weeks you’ve taught me what love is and how to love, and Seiros, you’ve made me feel so very loved.”

Rhea closes in on the girl, feeling torn. “I….you know what I feel for you right? I…I-”

“Don’t, please,” comes the almost commanding voice from Edelgard. “Some things cannot be said. Don’t weaken yourself like that. Besides,” she smiles, “I already know Seiros, so it’s alright, more than alright really.”

Edelgard stands up from the bed and moves to stand face to face with Rhea before a tremor runs through the girl. “I’m scared,” she says and at once she’s choked up. “I’m not scared of being dead...” Haunted eyes meet Rhea’s wide ones. But I’m so scared of what will happen, of how it will feel. I’m terrified that it will hurt,” she cries, her voice high and with tears streaking her face.

Rhea wraps her arms around Edelgard and holds her tightly. “It won’t shhh, it will be alright, it will be fine. Don’t be afraid, my love.” Her own cheeks are wet and Rhea is crying as well she realizes. Feverishly she kisses Edelgard’s head everywhere she can reach. She doesn’t know if it will hurt, it shouldn’t, but one so far has lived to tell the tale.

“It will be alright, don’t be afraid,” she says anyway, holding her tightly until the cries from Edelgard diminish, the girl finding comfort in Rhea’s baseless words.

Moments later it’s Edelgard who breaks the embrace and Rhea nearly feels startled by the look in her eyes. They’ve gone hard, with a calculated look in her eyes Edelgard looks more in control than she did when she was brought to this cell for the first time.

She’s putting on her mask.

Rhea wants to stop, is frantic about seeing one last uncontrolled laugh or even a smile from Edelgard but then she remembers Edelgard crying a little over a week ago about how dearly she wished to die as Emperor and not as Edelgard, she doesn’t want people to see who she is, to see her love.

Edelgard looks up to her and their eyes meet, Rhea can barely hold their intense gaze, there is so much emotion hidden behind that iron mask.

“I love you,” the Emperor says. “Do not say it back, I just needed to say it and have you hear it one more time. You taught me what love was and because of that I now know that if the stars had aligned differently I would be your wife.”

Tears well up in Rhea’s eyes “El…” she stammers, “Oh, El it’s all too mu-

“Go,” Edelgard says curtly. “All has been said and done. I _know,_ my love. I know… Now go before your resolve to go through with this will weaken,” she tells Rhea and it sounds both loving and harsh.

Rhea stands still for a few unbearably long moments infighting with herself about listening to Edelgard’s demand. Subconsciously she makes a tentative step towards Edelgard, just one more hug or kiss…

“No,” Edelgard says with an edge to her voice. “Go, do what is right and don’t look back,” she orders.

Rhea stands and just takes in all that Edelgard is, committing her to memory “Okay,” she says softly, her voice cracking, and takes a step backwards.

“El,” Rhea whimpers as tears fill her eyes and the soft glow of warp magic emits from her body.

She closes her eyes.

“ _El!”_ she cries out, yet when she opens her eyes she’s in her own chambers again as the warp magic has faded around her _._

Silence hangs heavily all around her and it’s as if she can hear her blood thrum loudly veins.

Rhea crumples onto her desk chair, her legs feel wobbly and it’s a miracle she didn’t crash on the floor. But she manages to make the chair and there she finally caves in to her sorrow. With her elbows on the table so that her hands can hold her face she cries, hard, loud, agonizing and ugly sobs are muffled into her hands but Rhea doesn’t care, she needs this, if she doesn’t cry her eyes out now she’ll won’t be numb enough to go through with it.

She can’t even speak like this.

So she cries, and cries and cries.

Wails of sorrow echo throughout the room and the tears are leaking down her chin, onto her arms and are now pooling around her elbows.

Finally after Goddess knows how much time has passed, Rhea’s crying has numbed down to the occasional sob does she regain her bearing somewhat.

Once she opens her eyes they immediately fall on the folded piece of paper on her desk, placed neatly atop Edelgard’s drawing and her heart skip a beat.

_A note from Edelgard._

She doesn’t know if she has the strength. But she’s out of tears for the time being and her mind feels both hazy and numb from all the crying so perhaps that will word as a wall to keep her from breaking down once again.

Carefully she folds it open, the bottom to the top and the left to the right and she’s left with a full size piece of paper for drawing.

Her eyes first fall to the upper right half of the paper, to the sketch of _herself._ It looks unfinished, or perhaps just stylized, as there are no eyes or other facial features, a lot of the details of her clothes are missing too, But with her shape, her head, the ornament in her hair, the white dress and the cape sketched it’s clearly her who’s standing in prayer in the drawing.

 _‘I’m sorry, I needed more time and to have you with me to do things properly!”_ it reads at the top _._

The painful irony of that line, Rhea thinks sardonically.

If she could have broken in to tears again she would have but all she feels is a single one rolling down her cheek. A part of her is screaming to just warp back to Edelgard and make her finish the drawing, but that would be all sorts of uncomfortable and breaking their unspoken rules as well.

Instead stares at it for a little longer before she can no longer resist reading the words on the right.

_My star,_

_I do not know if this is selfish and might make everything_

_harder on you than it already is, but I simply had to._

_I meant it when I some things didn’t need to be said,_

_but that was in the spoken words, it would only have soured_

_the mood, it was too much for me to bear._

_Instead I want to leave you with my words_

_to take into the future with you,_

_so that they may give you strength._

_My love, you have given me so much happiness, so much life_

_in these scarce few days, that I don’t know what to do with it._

_You became my world and everything else, you leave my head spinning_

_And all of me reeling, it’s dizzying and so wonderfully real._

_I look to you like a rose seeking the sun, my lily, and that shall never stop._

_So do not regret what is about to happen. I do not want that,_

_for it_ _would mean that we’d have to regret all that happened between us._

_I wish I could stay, truly. Yet I always knew_

_the edge of dawn_ _would come for me one day._

_Time always betrays but for these precious hidden moments we’ve broken free_

_and I was so wonderfully lost so in time together with you._

_My love, open the door to your future, and keep walking,_

_never give in to these memories which were so sublime_

_we will live here in this moment of stolen time, my love_

_and only we will know all that was lost_

_these scars on both of us that cannot be erased._

_Oh how I wish things could have been different, how I wish we could marry,_

_words cannot describe how much bliss sharing my life with you_

_would have brought me. Alas, time and the world’s dice are cruel._

_The good and the bad memories, I’ll keep them all with me in the past_

_because wherever it is that I go, for you that means I’ll remain in your past._

_But for me? If possible I’ll speak with you Mother for you, I’ll tell her_

_about how amazing you are and I’ll be sure to make her feel pride_

_for her daughter._

_Now, my love. I wish you all the strength for both what is about to come_

_and the endless stretch of time that will come after._

_I shall never forget you and look over as much as that’s possible._

_Farewell my love, my lily, my brightest star._

_And may we meet again._

_your El._

Rhea had been delicately holding the paper, all the while struggling to not grasp it tightly.

 _El_ … her El, who is still down there, still alive and Rhea’s mind goes white whit panic, anger and fear because she wants to be with the woman who wrote this to her, what cruel fate indeed. Tears are falling from her eyes again and so as not to smudge the papers she leans back in her chair.

She realizes she’s already halfway into making plans to rescue Edelgard when she stops. Edelgard’s death is needed, she forces herself to remember. All of Fodlan would benefit it and even Edelgard has said multiple times she wishes to die here too, all her friends are dead or hate her and she is convinced there is no place in this world where she can live, let alone be happy.

The note felt like a sword in the stomach and everything hurts terribly, yet a part of her knows so many words in there will indeed give her strength. The idea Edelgard is watching over her, that she might speak to her Mother, that no matter how far Rhea goes into the future, the moments together with Edelgard will always be somewhere behind her.

She exhales shakily and along with it some of the pain leaves her.

Rhea places the note on the table next to the drawing and in an attempt to calm her stormy thoughts she looks at the sketch Edelgard made three days ago.

It’s really expertly done, with the thousands of sketched lines forming people, buildings, trees, grass even the sky-

Rhea’s eyes fall on a bright yellow dot among the dark blue, surrounded by white. Edelgard must have erased the blue in a circle before drawing the yellow orb, making it seem as if it’s shining.

Rhea’s heart skips a beat. It’s Sirius, the brightest star in the night’s sky.

It’s a good thing Seteth gave her two hours because once again she’s a mess and loses herself to crying.

* * *

A little under an hour later she has come back to her senses, though everything feels like a blur, as if she’d going through the motions, and Rhea wouldn’t have want it any other way. She needs this numbness.

Her dress is already fully on and now she’s working on her robe. Her hair still hasn’t been done and she stubbornly won’t do anything about it until Seteth comes with the appropriate hair-ties and pins for a slightly different style.

So she still has the red ribbon in her hair… Oh Goddess that means Edelgard has hers as well… that’s a concern for later, Rhea promptly decides.

About ten minutes after she was done dressing and had hidden Edelgard’s note and drawing –before staring at it for as long as she could, Seteth comes in with the last items, decorations and the sword and sheath, and greets her softly, at which he gets a weak nod in return,

The siblings hardly talk as he helps her do the final touches on her hair and with the ornaments of her clothes.

Finally she straps on the sheath and places her old –usually so beloved-sword in it. It feels familiar at her hip, but also terribly wrong right now.

When that’s done Seteth informs her of what is expected of her, how the ceremony will happen, what she needs to say and ends with saying she is supposed to go over to king Dimitri and Claude now where they, the three most powerful rulers currently in power in Fodlan, will see Edelgard shortly before her execution, to make a final assessment of her state of mind, just what she thinks about her fate, an old custom for dethroned monarchs which makes Rhea want to throw up now.

* * *

A little while later - after Seteth has adorned her with all the religious and ritualic items and decoration, a relief to Rhea because it makes her look and feel less _human-_ she’s led into one of her own guest rooms, where the two kings are already waiting, both looking solemn and uncomfortable.

“Your majesties,” she greets them with the appropriate bow.

“Lady Rhea,” they both say and bow as well.

They try some small talk but it’s not going very well, none of them know what to say.

“How is my sister Lady Rhea?” Dimitri eventually asks, his voice uncharacteristically fragile.

“She’s doing well,” slips from Rhea’s mouth impulsively. “Regarding the circumstances that is,” she hurriedly adds.

“Well? You don’t have to lie to us Lady Rhea… Did,” Dimitri shoots her a wary look. “Did something happen to her?”

“No, I promise you, nothing bad. I spoke with her a few times and she said she has made peace with her fate, that she hope her death will make the world a better place,” Rhea says, omitting everything _personal_ and _intimate_ as best as she can.

“That does sound like her,” Claude says as he joins the conversation. “Always the pragmatist, that one." He pats the back of Dimitri, "I know it’s hard, but from here on you can leave this in the past.

Against her will Rhea makes a strained, sorrowful sound, causing both young men to look at her curiously.

“My apologies,” she says. “I’m fairly sensitive today it seems.”

Dimitri gives her a hard look, almost as if he’s glaring. “Yes, if I were you I’d be happy to finally be rid of my sister as well,” he says before blinking and turning to look apologetic. “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate, I’m very on edge as you may understand,” he says and with a nod he walks over to some of his own close associated to get the stress off of him.

“You’re not happy to be rid of her are you, Archbishop?” Claude asks her quietly. “That was a sound of anguish, you have grown to care for her.”

Rhea feels very caught and her cheeks redden as a result. “N-no…” she stammers weakly.

“It’s alright,” Claude reassures her, I won’t speak of it. I just could help to note the irony that for all these years she wanted to hurt you, to make you atone and possibly even be executed, and now you’re here, on the verge of crying because the tables turned on her.”

If Rhea says a word she’ll break into crying, she knows this for certain.

“Lady Rhea, if you need anything, I’m here for you. I’m done with the inhumanity of this all.”

She gives him a grateful not. “Thank you,” she smiles, feeling herself calm down a bit.

A short moment later there is a knock on the door and after Rhea tells them they can enter two guards step in, followed by Edelgard with shackles around her wrists and ankles, and a third guard to close the door behind them

Rhea’s hard lurches but Edelgard’s face is unreadable, nuanced. _Controlled._ Her eyes go over Dimitri, Claude, and then Rhea and on neither does she linger or show any kind of emotion. There is no love or even recognition as her dullish eyes pass over Rhea. Her expression is stoic but open and in a way she looks at all of them with respect. An odd mix.

Next to her she hears Claude whisper to Dimitri, “Something has changed her,” he says quietly. “Or someone.”

Dimitri nods in agreement.

There is no defiance, rebellion or anger in her eyes. She’s wearing a mask yes, but almost a genuine one. If she had been smiling her expression could have been read as welcoming and warm.

Rhea wishes she could run. This innocence of Edelgard is far too much to bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the Scene, I promise.  
> Gods I can't take the sads anymore, and I'm writing it.


	24. I would kill for, I would die for.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here.

Everything just seems to go right, leaving Rhea with the feeling everything is going horribly wrong. Inside her a voice is screaming for her to do something, to stand up and protect the woman she loves, to put a stop to this somehow.

But she doesn’t do anything. Too frozen to think she lets everything happen and goes through the motions pathetically easy.

Frozen inside and with a loud ringing in her ears she watches the kings of Faerghus and Almyra be led away along with all the other generals, bishops and officials that have gathered, leaving her with Edelgard and several high ranked guards.

Her hand comes to rest on her sword but as she touches the cool metal she jerks it away. For so long its presence on her hip had been a comforting one, how she missed the weight as she became Archbishop, but now it is nothing but suffocating.

“Lady Rhea,” one says quietly as he comes up to her. “The ribbon around her hand… she wouldn’t let it go.” From the corner of her eye Rhea catches Edelgard glance at them with a fearful expression. Rhea’s gaze lands on her faded purple ribbon, now out of Edelgard’s loose hair and wrapped tightly around the palm of her hand. For an instant their eyes meet and Rhea sees the pain she feels reflected in lilac irises before the other woman’s mask of complacently is back, the first sign that the former Emperor is actually feeling some sort of unease.

It’s almost a relief to see her struggle, at least Edelgard is scared too.

How selfish of Rhea to want for such a thing.

“She worked along smoothly with everything else but that had her screaming and fighting so we wanted you to decide,” the guard continues, not having seen the short moment where Edelgard broke character. “Should we take it? It’s terribly against custom to have prisoners have something personal like that, it might make them look… falsely innocent to the crowd.” His voice is curt, stoic but not cruel. He simply does not care for Edelgard or her feelings, only seeing her death sentence as a duty to be carried out.

“Leave it,” Rhea snaps in nervous agitation, making him look at her in surprise.

“As you wish,” he says with a small bow before taking a step back.

The ringing in Rhea’s eyes only become louder as the next steps in the process are taken. A priest of the Church speaks of Edelgard’s crimes, saying how she is guilty of the highest sin, treason against the Goddess herself, but that she will be absolved of her crimes if she pays with her life.

They’re Rhea’s own words, lines she has said to previous criminals that were condemned to death. Oh, how the Goddess would forgive them if they only repented.

How the very idea disgusts her now.

Normally it would have been her to say these words to the more important convicts condemned by the church but Seteth made her only have a passive role. If she had been braver, less _weak,_ it would be her right now. She’d either see this through or put a stop to it.

Edelgard lets everything be said about her, there is no anger or defiance in her hard stare, only numb acceptance and indifference.

Silently Rhea is begging her to do _something_ because Rhea is just too weak. She wants to cry out so badly but too many things are stopping her.

If she can just get through this she can pick up the pieces later. For Fodlan she has to push through and focus on the future rather than take what she wants for herself.

If only Edelgard hadn’t become the victim of Rhea’s own weakness so many times over. It’s her own inability to fight, along with Rhea closing her eyes for that what was too painful, that’s hammering the final nail in the girl’s coffin as she quietly watches everything unfold.

“Edelgard von Hresvelg,” the priest begins, reading the fallen Emperor her rights. “You are hereby sentenced to death under the laws of the Church, the sentence is to be carried out by the Archbishop of the Church of Seiros. You will be absolved of all sin by paying with your life for your crimes, in the afterlife the Goddess shall decide how you must repent.” The older man looks up from the letter he’s reading, his eyes going over Edelgard with a scrutinizing expression.

“Do you wish to express your regret?” he asks her. “So that the Goddess’ punishment shall be less severe.”

At once Edelgard comes to life, her lilac eyes burning with fury and fire. “I have no regrets,” she states fiercely. Her gaze goes past the priest and land on Rhea, who feels as if the air has been punched out of her lungs.

“I fought for what I believed and now I shall refrain from doing so. I will not beg for mercy, I will _not_ act on my instincts to plead or fight for my life. It will not bring me closer to the Goddess for it was her who caused me to be put under your blade,” she declares with every bit of defiance and rebellion she carried with her when she was imprisoned here weeks ago.

It’s Rhea whom she’s talking to, who she’s referring to. She feels the piercing eyes cut through her and her heart feels set ablaze.

“Heretic,” the priest mutters, forgoing the script to express his opinion and causing Rhea to feel just as sinful as Edelgard. “You are truly irredeemable, to speak of the Goddess like that,” he adds with disdain in his tone.

The Saint realizes that even if Edelgard grew to love her and accept her, the younger woman’s ideals and beliefs have not changed at all. At her core she’s still the Emperor fighting for a future, the woman who would void her own life in the name of her people, the girl who has been sacrificing everything in the name of her iron will to fight for change.

It’s the same Edelgard that Rhea fell so hard for, the same person she doesn’t _deserve_ to love as much.

If Edelgard fights for everyone else, then who fights for her?

What she’s saying is heresy, strips her of atonement, and the priest looks appalled.

Rhea swears if her Mother does not grant Edelgard a full pardon she will put all her focus on bringing her Mother back just to make her do it.

“If you have nothing worthwhile to say then hold your tongue,” her subordinate tells their prisoner with distaste in his voice.

“I wasn’t done yet,” Edelgard says, her tone hard and full of courage.

The priest’s patience is clearly wearing thin but after briefly glancing at Rhea and finding no objection in her expression he nods. “Then speak.”

“I wish to dedicate my life to Saint Seiros,” Edelgard declares boldly, the shackles around her wrists clanging as she tries to raise one arm and the other jolts along.

Rhea thinks her heart might stop.

 _No, please don’t._ She doesn’t deserve that.

The fire and defiance seem to evaporate from Edelgard. Her expression softens and the ghost of a smile tugs on the corners of her lips. Her eyes find Rhea’s own once again and Rhea finds there the love and reassurance she has grown so addicted to in the span of mere days.

“I have not devoted much of my life to worship and I know I never will,” Edelgard says more quietly but still with a passion. “However, I wish for her to know that while I might not have done much for Saint Seiros in life, I hope that I can do so in death.”

It’s the future Edelgard is willing to die for. She’s not only devoting herself to Rhea with her statement, she’s also trusting her with that future, that Rhea will secure power over the Slithers’ once more, using the death of the Emperor as fuel.

…But Rhea can only see the love in her eyes, hidden behind that mask she has gotten to know so well.

She doesn’t deserve that love, doesn’t deserve dominion over Edelgard’s life. Rhea doesn’t know anymore if she’s strong enough to live up to the trust Edelgard is putting in her, to move on without her into a future Edelgard cannot be and protect Fodlan in her stead.

“Saint Seiros?” her priest echoes. Rhea nearly answers him, having gotten so used to hearing her true name again the past few days, but she manages to keep her expression neutral. “Not the Goddess?”

“No,” Edelgard says, her eyes going hard once more as they land on him. “Saint Seiros and only her.”

“…Very well.” The people in the room look at Edelgard with even less respect than before, not at all understanding her declaration.

Rhea’s feels lightheaded, her thoughts are a mess and her heart is racing.

For a few moments nothing reaches her, the man nods and speaks but Rhea has no idea what he could possibly be saying, the ringing in her head is too loud. Numbly she watches Edelgard grow tense but it doesn’t get through to her. Everything seems fake and too slow.

Finally after who knows how long, she jolts out of her stupor when she sees Edelgard’s eyes widen in fear as tears well up in them and only then does she realize the priest is done and they’re approaching her with _scissors._

Her stomach lurches.

Rhea knows why, has seen the procedure done before numerous times. Not only is it a risk to leave hair long, it has to go right in _one_ go after all, cropped hair makes the criminal look less sympathetic to the crowd. Less _human._

As if Rhea isn’t the most inhuman thing in the room currently.

“Don’t,” she hisses impulsively.

Edelgard looks at her with a pleading look in her eyes and Rhea hates she cannot tell if it’s because Edelgard is desperate for her hair not to be cut or if she’s afraid Rhea will falter here and is begging her to stop.

“Tie it up instead,” Rhea tells the guards that are holding Edelgard’ shackles.

“But Lady Rhea, it’s customary that the pris-”

“I do _not_ care,” she tells him in a rough voice, startling him. “You will tie it up instead.”

The guard nods meekly and for several tense moments he and the others struggle to come up with what they should do until a female guard finds an extra tie in her pocket, after which a male one tries and fails to tie Edelgard’s hair up properly. Rhea almost interferes to do it for him but she doesn’t dare approach Edelgard, _touch_ her, because she knows she’ll break down. After the seconds pass by agonizingly slow the female guard takes over, managing to tie Edelgard’s hair in a bun at the back of her head. While it’s secured properly it’s messy and crooked.

 _All humans die,_ Rhea tells herself over and over again. _All we can do is see those we love of with their dignity in-tact._

She clings to her brother’s words with desperation. _All humans die._ This is just another death, a necessary one.

It’s painful to look at, it doesn’t at all seem like it belongs on her.

Everything hurts so much.

To make matters worse Edelgard looks relieved, her eyes making contact with Rhea’s for only a split second and Rhea feels sick to her stomach when the girl looks _grateful._

She doesn’t deserve Edelgard’s love.

She wants her hate, she deserves her hate.

But Rhea has to push on, for the future Edelgard fought so hard for. To weed out the corruption that set the both of them up against each other, that made Rhea too blind to see what was going on and prevented Edelgard from reaching out to her all those years ago.

For the future Edelgard cannot live to see, for Fodlan.

Something akin to determination settles over Rhea. No matter how hard she tried, she could not find a way to save Edelgard and the younger woman made clear that, despite her fear and desire to live, she sees her death as a necessary tool that she’s now entrusting Rhea with.

Her panic and grief make way for an empty acceptance. This isn’t about Rhea’s happiness, it’s about what’s needed for Fodlan. Edelgard wants her to protect the future and is entrusting her with it.

She has to be strong.

_I love you._

All humans die, she tells herself over and over again.

As guards move to unshackle the chains around Edelgard’s legs, making it possible for her to walk the stairs up the stage, Rhea is asked to follow her subordinates up.

She forces herself not to think, to keep it all at bay until this is over. Then she can grieve.

Just keep walking, see this through. Rhea cannot feel anything anymore, she realizes belatedly.

Numbly she follows the others through the few corridors and towards the scaffolding, the wooden stage specially built for this. She exits from the side of the cathedral and immediately the buzzing sound of hundreds of voices find her ears it’s low and quiet but deafening all the same. None of them stand out, each voice drowning out the multitude of others.

She’s still half hidden between the planks of the higher stage and the cathedral but the front row of the crowd lays eyes on her.

Around Garreg Mach she’s not an unusual sight but these people are either commoners from the nearby villages or nobles, merchants and other minor people of wealth from all over Fodlan and likely only heard of her in name and stories so the voices rise in excited murmurs as she’s seen.

Rhea politely pretends not to notice and the only thing she currently allows her to feel is vague irritation that these people are seeing her in such a state. She doesn’t show it, doesn’t show any emotion as she takes the few steps up the wooden stairs after her knights.

Hundreds of people are looking at her and she feels nothing. No anxiety, no nerves, no fear. Nothing anymore.

Her hand finds her sword, the feeling now comforting again. She can trust it to do its job so all she has to do is hers.

She stands with the knights, masking her indifference to what they’re saying as they’re discussing the final preparations. She knows what to do. Rhea has killed plenty in the name of the Goddess. For justice, for the revenge that she deserved once, for her family.

She wonders what this death is for.

A dip in the volume of the crowd makes Rhea look over her shoulder.

She feels her heart race for just a few scarce beats as her eyes land on Edelgard, who is being led onto the stage by four knights, before her blood calms down again and the emptiness returns.

Some people in the crowd yell and jeer.

Rhea cannot bring herself to feel anything, even her earlier irritation is gone.

Will it really be this easy?

She numbly watches as Edelgard is made to kneel and her shackles are chained to a ring in the ground.

Something hurts when the fallen Emperor’s eyes find Rhea’s but the girl averts her gaze before the Archbishop can find out what it was she felt.

Often a criminal is allowed to speak to the crowd, to ask them for forgiveness or express regret, but it had long since been decided that letting Edelgard speak was far too dangerous. The Church needed her support to stay as low as it was before spinning the tale of her ignorance and faulty beliefs, Edelgard had the ability inspire her army with only a few words and thus might have swayed the people one last time on the stage of her execution.

Instead of Edelgard it’s Rhea’s priest who speaks to the people, first announcing her name and former titles before asking them to pray for her redemption, saying the Emperor will have repent for committing the highest of crimes against the Goddess.

It vaguely irks Rhea. As if any of these people have any idea how to pray or what her Mother will decide for Edelgard.

Still, it doesn’t matter, Edelgard certainly won’t care if these people do a good job or not. She’s the perfect picture of repentance. Quiet, showing humility and courage, no anger or madness in sight and willingly summiting to her sentence. Edelgard has accepted her punishment, even believes it’s needed, as she sits there with her head already lowered, all Rhea has to do is do the same and carry out her duty.

Go through the motions. Just another act, just another day. Tomorrow will come and then she’ll have a future to focus on.

But for now.

“Lady Rhea?” her priest says after he finishes his speech and takes a step back as he gestures for her to take position.

She represses a sigh and unsheathes her sword.

Edelgard’s body twitches at the sound but doesn’t look up anymore.

The Archbishop glances her over, looking over her hands raising her sword until her eyes focus on her faded ribbon that Edelgard is clutching tightly.

She’s trembling, Rhea notices. Her whole body is shaking so badly Rhea can see it in her fingers as they hold the ribbon tightly.

Her eyes train on her own hands and realizes she’s not trembling at all.

It makes her feel oddly disappointed in herself. It’s as if she expected herself to feel more yet there is nothing _there._

The only thing she feels is the light summer breeze on her skin.

She glances over to the crowd that now has gone silent and is looking at her expectantly.

Ah she really is doing this all for them, isn’t she?

Rhea’s eyes go over all the nameless faces in the crowd and for the first time in her life she truly realizes and admits to herself just how much she _hates_ these people.

It’s not because of who they are.

Or because of what they’ve done.

It’s because they need her.

No, that’s not quite correct. They don’t even need _her,_ not really. They look to her and all they see is the virtuous Archbishop they have grown so dependent on, whom they look up to so much and who they expect to lead them.

But that’s not who she is, not truly.

They need her to be something she’s not and never will be.

She used to be a War Saint, for heaven’s sake, someone who fought for her feelings with more passion than anyone.

Rhea comes to the startling conclusion she’s still that War Saint.

And these people? Well…

She wants to go to _war_ with them.

Her hands are trembling now, she vaguely notices as she lowers her sword before her eyes land on Edelgard’s kneeling form before her once more.

It’s rage.

Rhea snaps out of her stupor and is relieved when immediately her feelings come flooding back into her.

“I can’t do it,” she states in a clear voice as her hands fall to her side, her sword still held in one of them. The sense of finality that she feels with those four words is intensely liberating, enough that a rush of adrenaline rids her of any doubt she might have held.

Edelgard’s eyes shoot up and look at her with panic. “No, no you have to,” she says much quieter than Rhea but with more urgency in her tone. “You _can’t,”_ the girl pleads her desperately.

The girl’s words only make Rhea feel more determined. How dare this world push Edelgard this far? That she’d panic at the idea of not being executed because she has been driven to believe only her death can benefit the world she loves so much. She’s worth so much more than that, her death should not benefit anyone.

“I don’t care,” Rhea declares louder than before.

“I love you.”

Edelgard’s widen in shock.

The crowd somehow goes more silent than it was before.

With half a mind in it Rhea throws the sword to the side, only vaguely aware she was lucky she threw it away from the crowd instead of into it, and takes a step forward and kneels in front of Edelgard.

“I love you,” she repeats and kisses her.

She knows this was it, this is the step she will not go back from. The people will not accept this, won’t accept her. The Archbishop kissing the heretic and sinful traitor Emperor, that’s all they’ll ever see. If she’s lucky they’ll banish her, if not she’ll find herself chained upon this very stage soon enough.

But she won’t let them do that, she won’t let them control her any longer. If things have to change, have to end, then Rhea wants to be the one to choose how so herself. The future will have to take care of itself, Rhea wants no part in any future that does not accept the one she loves, not when Edelgard so willingly sacrificed herself and all she had for a world that does not want her. If that’s the case then Rhea doesn’t want to be wanted either, she wants to be free and that’s what she’ll sacrifice herself for.

Either way it doesn’t matter anymore, Rhea is now dead and all that remains is Seiros, whose church will now take a blow as well. For so long Rhea had been terrified of change and almost she sacrificed Edelgard, her _family,_ to keep things as they were. But now she destroyed everything all at once and the feeling couldn’t be more freeing.

Fodlan be damned.

Edelgard is somehow trembling even more than before and she exhales shakily as Rhea pulls back to look at her with a reassuring smile.

“But what about Fodlan?” Edelgard asks her quietly, with such an achingly vulnerable voice all Rhea feels for Fodlan and every cursed inhabitant is more rage.

“Yes, what about Fodlan?” she wonders with a sigh, glancing over to the crowd briefly and finding she cannot find it in herself to care what they think. The silence is now slowly making way for whispers and unruly voices. _Good, let them._ Most people are still staring at her with what Rhea recognizes as hope.

They’re still expecting her to guide them, to lead them out of this and tell them what they are supposed to do, she realizes. Well that will have to end.

“But what about you?” she asks Edelgard and kisses her again.

“What about me…” the woman she loves murmurs when Rhea pulls back a moment later. As much as she would like to prolong the kiss, they _do_ need to get away from here and she needs to make use of the brief window of time they have before the people –and more importantly, her knights- will no longer accept the unfolding scene and rise against the both of them once they conclude their leader has betrayed them.

“Fodlan can fall for all I care,” Rhea whispers in Edelgard’s ear, not needing to make herself more vilified than she has already done. “But if you must fall… then I want to fall along with you.”

Edelgard stares at her with wide and tear-filled eyes, not even blinking. 

With magic that comes to her easily in her dizzying state of mind she takes hold of the chains holding Edelgard down and shatters them as easy as she’s snap a twig. “Come,” she says as she holds out her hand. “I cannot save you but I will not see you off without love and dignity. Let me come along, let’s find a way to end this together, just you and me.”

The younger woman seems unsure of what to do, glancing nervously at the crowd before her eyes find Rhea’s own once more and nodding slowly.

Carefully she places her hand in Rhea’s own as a small smile blossoms on her lips. “Alright,” the she whispers, needing another moment to truly understand what’s going on. “I love you too,” she adds with enough volume to her voice the first few rows of people will surely have heard her.

But that’s the point of all of this, isn’t it?

As Rhea pulls her up in one fell swoop she sees Seteth and Flayn leaving the seats on the edge of the stand for the nobility and church officials.

Briefly her brother’s eyes land on her. There is hurt in them, grief as well, but Rhea sees the telltale sign of understanding in his expression before he breaks eye contact and quickly pulls Flayn along with him into the shadows of the cathedral.

They’ll have to flee and go into hiding she realizes with a pang of guilt. They are too closely affiliated with her.

Perhaps Seteth had been fearing that and had been partly trying to help her through this to protect himself and his daughter.

She cannot fault him for doing so, Rhea would do anything for family too. Normally for them, now for Edelgard.

If she cannot bring her Mother back then perhaps it’s time to join her and the rest of her family.

Fodlan will have to fight for its own future, Rhea has been controlling it for far too long, keeping it docile and unchanged. She wonder if it’s her who became obsolete, if she hasn’t been needed anymore for a long time now and Fodlan can handle progression at a natural pace.

But that’s no longer any of her concern.

Aiming for an entrance to the cathedral Rhea knows to have empty and abandoned passages she turns over and pulls Edelgard along with her, holding her hand tightly as she does.

She’s taken four steps when she feels Edelgard stop and hears her gasp.

Unfamiliar and unpleasant magic crackles through the air all around her, making the hair at the back of her neck stand up as a cold shiver go through her spine.

“Immaculate One,” comes a low voice from behind her, making Rhea’s heart skip a beat in fear. No...

In a flash she turns around and is met with the sight of what can only be an Agarthan having infiltrated her ranks holding Edelgard’s free wrist painfully hard as there is nothing but horror etched into Edelgard’s terrified expression.

“I must say,” he says with an unnatural smile. “We had expected you to make things easy for us but even we couldn’t have anticipated just how _beautifully_ you’d perform. This will make things go even more smoothly, we won’t have to lift a finger.”

Edelgard squeals in pain as the man’s hand lights up and Rhea senses the wave of magic course through Edelgard first before it passes through their joined hands and floods into her.

The magic is intrusive and unstoppable and every cell of Rhea is screaming at once. While it passed through Edelgard quickly and left only an instant of pain in its wake, it finds and winds itself around the core of Rhea’s magic, making her gasp for air as it nestles deep inside her with force.

Green light envelops her.

Her feet scape across the floorboards and a noise of anguish escapes her lips.

And completely beyond her control she begins to transform.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? You did not *actually* think I'd just kill Edelgard off so easily after 270k words now did you? Cute.  
> Nah, we endgame now. And yes we are nearing the final chapter.
> 
> I am not sure I could make it clear enough but I just want to spoil that Edelgard didn't betray Rhea. I would have let that shimmer through if it had been the case.
> 
> All the chapters in Rhea's room were so hard to write;__;. What the fuck how was Rhea not supposed to break down constantly with Edelgard Right There. I'm glad I made it through ya'all.
> 
> Shout out to to Abeehiltz for guessing on chapter 13 I had planned to have the Agarthans interrupt the execution scene. While not entirely correct, it was the only comment that guessed that and had me both smile and rage behind my laptop.


End file.
